The Laundry, Short Film Review by Case Wright

Posted on October 8, 2025 by casewright

We are NOT powerless! We don’t have to let Alex Magana films happen. Alex Magana films being created is not a requirement of life, unless we permit it! I know that many of you think that he is inevitable like Thanos or getting herpes, BUT it is not! Thanos, herpes, and Alex Magana films don’t have to be part of your life!

Speaking of herpes, we need to go into a deeper dive of our cultural heroes sleeping with Aliens! Whatever they evolved from, it wasn’t on Earth!

You’re gonna give all COVID 1000! They probably have sapient cold sores! Cut it out!
The green alien especially because just wait until the Jolly Green Giant gets home! Yes, I did hold myself back from the obvious she is a

Ho Ho Ho

Yes, this was a tangent, but it delayed my review and that is a good thing. The story is very simple a woman does her laundry, the laundry alarm buzzes, and…..nothing just a high pitched boyfriend. The boyfriend investigates the laundry and is eaten by a monster hiding the dryer.
She also investigates and the monster is her laundry.
I do not understand the monster’s lifecycle or why this movie had to be. We could stop Alex Magana! Think on this, if 100 guys can stop a gorilla, 20 guys could stop Alex!
If you want to see something terrible, see below.

The Teacher (Writ/Dir Alex Magana), Short Film Review by Case Wright

Posted on October 5, 2025 by casewright

You’re not that bad because Alex Magana makes films. He’s like how Alabama can look down on Mississippi. It has been a Horrorthon tradition that I review his “art”, but it is difficult. 1 Million people watched this short, which tells me that WE NEED A DRAFT! Being an Alex Magana fan is like being proud of your artisanal meth pipe or bragging about doing a TED talk about the THIRD time you got gonorrhea. I do have to admit that his film does have beginning middle and an end; so, it is a short film. Someone has to review it and who else would do this to themselves, but me????

The Teacher begins with two teens warning each other that if they don’t finish their homework, The Teacher will kill them. One of them does not finish her homework; so, she gets killed by the eponymous Teacher. I do have to admit that for Alex this is good because unlike the Smiling Woman crapfest, The Teacher has rules and a Strumplepeter message. Therefore, it does have some literary ancestry. It is still awful, but not as awful as what he usually does to us. It’s like a jab to the eyes rather than his usual Mortal Kombat finishing move to the eyes.
Enjoy…I guess.

If you want to see it…..

“Shark Encounters of the Third Kind” Review by Case Wright, (Dir. Mark Polonia, Writer John Dalton)

Posted on October 2, 2025 by casewright

Happy Horrorthon! I have seen a lot of bad movies over the years, but this might be the worst movie ever made. “The Room” by Tommy Wiseau is provably better than “Shark Encounters of the Third Kind” because much of “The Room” took place in rooms; whereas, this “shark horror film (note the poster above)” took place mostly on land, kitchens, parking lots, docks, and a creepy onanist’s basement. There is actually a scene where an incel guy slowly walks down the stairs to his “Man Basement” and puts in a VHS tape, sighs, leans back, and…. he watches a documentary on alien abductions. Yep, that’s all he was up to…watching a documentary. “Shark Encounters of the Third Kind” sponsored by the Carpal Tunnel Foundation of America.

Some of you might be like- “Case, you always judge these films really hard and these people have feelings… probably.” Hear me out, the Polonias (this films’ director/producer) and Alex Maganas (Smiling Woman creator) of the world don’t care about my feelings when they make these terrible things. I was thinking: is there a way that I would be able to give this film a positive review? I think so: if my neighbor had a three year old and this three year old told me, “Mr. Casey, I made a movie and a boom boom.” I’d watch the movie with his family and cheer him on, but this is not the case here. So, this movie gets no breaks from me.
Really, look at the villains!

This Alien Has EVIL Potholders!
I believe this is the plot: the villains are NOT the sharks. The villains are aliens who are doing a reconnaissance mission to earth and there are sharks involved somehow – rarely. Mostly, this film is a big honking crazy mess. The poster is not terrible…. so there’s that.

Another observation: the film is really into doing closeups….A LOT. For example, they spend a lot of time on this actor’s face (below). He is definitely NOT a shark. You wonder why this movie only has 8 minutes of shark scenes. I think the shark scenes were too expensive and you need to make more time for Oven Mitt Alien guy (above).

There is really no reason for you to watch this film. I’m sure that you have done something good in your life- spare yourself.

“Don’t Lie”, Dir. Alex Magana, Short Film Review By Case Wright

Posted on May 13, 2025 by casewright

So we meet again….Alex … Magana. Now look, I assume that most of my readers are good, kind, and decent, but what if you’re not?! I mean what if you’re not that great or you did one REALLY bad thing that you feel guilty about. I’m not saying putting your neighbor in a woodchipper kind of thing, but let’s just include the lessor felonies. If you just need that self-flagellation, my dear ne’er-do-well compadre, this film and Alex Magana is for you.

Alex Magana assaults the senses and art herself. In fact, from the hackneyed plots to the p*rn quality acting, he is the Ed Wood of the digital age! If you don’t believe me, check out the “Smiling Woman”… SERIES…yes, it’s a series! I refuse to call it a franchise! I won’t do it! Luckily, your misery is brief because as terrible as Alex Magana’s films are – he can’t write stories longer than 4 minutes.

“Don’t Lie” shows an influencer, who I think seems a little old for the gig; however, we must let all things slide with Alex. Typically, Alex just films out of his apartment and the hall in his apartment building. The lead actress could be homeless or just live near the building; so, she could be young, but life on the street is hard. In fact, all of the actors could be homeless and this brief filming was their only exposure to …. home. *Sheds Tear*

The story continues where her boyfriend stages her murder to gain additional subscribers, which doesn’t make sense because why subscribe to the deceased? But, Whatever. A psycho then teaches her and her boyfriend a lesson about … honesty… with a knife. Apparently, neither she nor her boyfriend understand how their legs can make them move around and even away from things or people.

If we look at “Don’t Lie” like an industrial film, like “The Importance of Good Manners”, “Why you should drive safely”, and “Don’t ever put that in your Bu..” anyway. My point is that maybe “Don’t Lie” is salvageable as a lesson film. The lesson is this: Don’t let Alex Magana have any recording devices! EVER! He’s got to be stopped! He’s really prolific! How is paying for all this very very low budget dreck?!

The 2025 Super Bowl: Some Commercial Thoughts

Posted on February 9, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

In previous years, after the Super Bowl, I’ve listed my favorite ads of the night. I’m not going to do that this year because, quite frankly, I don’t have enough ads to list. This year, the Super Bowl was boring. The game was boring and the ads were boring. There were barely any new movie trailers. In previous years, Leonard and I exhausted ourselves trying to keep up with and share all of the Super Bowl movie spots. This year, we could take things easy.

As for the game …. listen, I’m not a football person. Our longtime readers know that. Usually, when I’m bored with a football game, I assume it’s because I’m just not into football. But this year, the game was so slow that even my colleagues here at TSL got bored with it. While the biggest game of the year was being played in New Orleans, we largely used the game as background noise as we talked about everything from HBO’s True Detective to whether or not it was acceptable to nuke all of your enemies in Civ. Once I realized that there weren’t going to be any big commercials, I immediately started thinking about relaxing in a hot tub for an hour or two. It turned out to be a little less than an hour because it’s cold outside, folks!

What a disappointing game. I can’t believe that I actually pre-empted my retro television reviews for that thing. Oh well! Live and learn.

Actually, now that I think about it, there was one commercial that I really liked, just because it featured a horse.

I’ve seen some speculation online that the commercials were safe and predictable this year because ad agencies are still adjusting to how to advertise in the second Trump era. That’s possible. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen Super Bowl commercials that were so determinedly nonpartisan. In the past, I think the general assumption that advertisers made was that the country was full of politically active young people with a lot of spending money and, as a result, it only made sense to tailor commercials to them. Hence, we got Zachary Quinto dramatically reading the ending of 1984 for Amazon Audible and Kylie Jenner defusing tensions at a protest by giving a Pepsi to a cop. We got a commercial for a migraine medicine in which the main character was able to go to a protest because her migraine cleared up. There was even a commercial featuring a teenage girl leading an environmental rally because she had the confidence that went along with having clear skin. All the online complaining was taken as a badge of honor. “We’re making the right people mad,” as the saying goes. But, with the recent elections, it’s now kind of obvious that the supposedly leftward tilt of the country was much overestimated. It felt like the ads this year were trying to reclaim the middle, nonpartisan ground that was originally abandoned in 2017. They did so by playing everything safe. As a result, none of the commercials this year were controversial but, at the same time, none of them were particularly interesting either. It says something about how bland things were that the most talked about commercial was another one of those flaky “He Gets Us” commercials, which feel like almost a parody of the shallow understanding most people have of theology.

(Incidentally, we watched the game on Tubi. Tubi did a very good job of streaming the game, with none of the trouble that Netflix has had with its live events.)

In other words, the Super Bowl was boring this year but I did enjoy watching it with my TSL colleagues. And I love horses! And now, on with the rest of 2025!

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 2/2/25 — 2/8/25

Posted on February 8, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Here’s a few thoughts on what I watched this week.

Abbott Elementary (Wednesday Night, ABC)

I’m one episode behind as far as Abbott goes. This week, I watched the golf course episode but I still need to watch the science fair episode. I’ll do it tomorrow before the Super Bowl. As always, the episode made me laugh. The show has done marginally better with the gentrification subplot than it did with the charter school storyline a few seasons ago.

Dark (Netflix)

Case and I continuing to watch this creepy German show. This is the only show I’ve ever seen that’s actually held my attention while the characters discuss physics.

Hell’s Kitchen (Fox, Thursday Night)

And we have a winner! Kyle’s door open and he is the latest chef to win a season of Hell’s Kitchen. I did like Kyle but I have to admit that I lost interest in this season after both Brandon and Egypt were eliminated. I still can’t see Kyle as a head chef. Brandon had a bad night and Egypt lost an arbitrary contest but I still feel like either one of them would have been a better winner. That said, anyone who has ever tasted my cooking knows that I wouldn’t have even made it past the first 10 minutes of the first episode of Hell’s Kitchen. Congratulations to Kyle on his victory and on proving people like me, who were pretty dismissive of his chances at first, wrong.

King of the Hill (Hulu)

I watched the episode where Bill’s touchdown record was broken and, with Hank’s encouragement, Bill rejoined the high school team in an effort to win it back. “You the man, Bill …. don’t look down at your leg.”

Kitchen Nightmares (Fox, Tuesday Night)

Chef Ramsay was, again, in New Orleans this week. The New Orleans shows have been kind of boring. None of the restaurants have really been that appealing, either before or after their makeover. You have to wonder how many times Chef Ramsay is going to have to invite an ex-football player to come and convince people to do their job. It’s kind of funny how the only thing many of these restaurants really need is for a former member of the Saints to show up for five minutes.

After being bored with the trip to New Orleans, I hopped on Tubi and revisited the Amy’s Baking Company episodes from seasons 6 and 7. Now that was classic Ramsay chaos! I like it when Chef Ramsay is nice to the chefs on Hell’s Kitchen but, when it comes to Kitchen Nightmares, I just want him to rip the place apart!

Scamanda (Hulu)

On Wednesday, I watched the first episode of this NBC docuseries about a woman who pretended to have cancer and who swindled a lot of people out of a lot of money. It was an interesting episode. People pretending to be sick to get money from people is hardly a new phenomena but it was interesting to see not only how far Amanda took it but also how gullible people really were. (They really wanted to believe.) The film did have a few regrettable reenactments, including a truly risible one of a bunch of churchgoers literally throwing money at Amanda’s feet. Still, it’s an interesting story.

Watched and reviewed:

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 3.1 and 3.2 “The Prophecies”

Posted on February 7, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The entire series can be found on YouTube!

This week, we start season 3!

Episode 3.1 and 3.2 “The Prophecies”

(Dir by Tom McLoughlin, originally aired on October 7th, 1989)

The third season starts with a 90-minute episode, one that was split into two parts when the show was later re-aired. It’s a rather strange episode, one that takes the Curious Goods crew far from Canada and one that also see Ryan transformed into a…. well, we’ll get to that.

When the episode starts, Ryan is in a state of shock because he recently ran into his mother (Jill Frappier) while visiting the grave of his brother. His mother walked out on Ryan and his father after the death of Ryan’s brother and the reunion between the two leaves Ryan feeling conflicted. As he blames himself for both the death of his brother and his father, he can’t help but wonder what he would do if he had the opportunity to do everything over again.

Meanwhile, Micki is running the antique store with none other than Johnny Ventura. Last season, Micki disliked Johnny and she had ever right to as Johnny tended to be a little bit stalker-ish in his behavior towards her. But, with the start of this season, it appears that all has been forgiven.

As for Jack, he’s in a small town in France. He received a letter from Sister Adele (Marie-France Lambert) telling him about some apocalyptic visions that she’s been having. Those visions are largely the result of fallen angel Asteroth (Fritz Weaver), who is determined to bring the AntiChrist into the world by following the step laid out in the Books of Lucifer. He has to kill a nun and he’s decided that Adele is that nun. However, Asteroth cannot get to her.

But then Jack gets shoved down a flight of stairs and ends up in the hospital. Ryan, Micki, and Johnny fly over to France. Ryan is promptly possessed by the Devil and he murders Sister Adele! But now, for some reason, Asteroth also needs to murder a young girl who seems to know Ryan and whose presence in the episode is never really explained. In order to free Ryan from being possessed, it’s necessary to transform him back into a small child. Eventually, God gets tired of all this and Asteroth bursts into flame.

The ending is a bit ambiguous about what this all means but I do know that this was John D. LeMay’s last episode and that Johnny Ventura will become a series regular as well. (Steven Monarque, who played Johnny, is still listed as a guest star in this episode.) So, I guess Ryan, who no longer has any memory of Micki or any of his Curious Goods adventures, is going to go live with his mother and grow up again and I’d love to know how Jack and Micki are going to explain that to his mom.

This was a weird way to write Ryan out of the show. (If anything, Ryan sacrificing himself to save Micki and/or Jack would have made much more sense and been just as powerful an ending.) But, with all that mind, this was still a good episode. While the episode did not film in France, it does feature some location work in Quebec and those scenes are full of ominous atmosphere. Fritz Weaver was an appropriately creepy Asteroth. Speaking of being creepy, John D. LeMay did a great job playing possessed Ryan. This episode was not always easy to follow but it was scary and atmospheric and it worked surprisingly well.

Bye, Ryan! I’ll miss you.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 3.12 “Oh Lucky Man!”

Posted on February 6, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

It’s time to work at another youth center!

Episode 3.12 “Oh Lucky Man!”

(Dir by Dan Gordon, originally aired on December 10th, 1986)

Jonathan and Mark are working at a youth center …. again!

Don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing wrong with Jonathan and Mark working at a youth center. From what I’ve seen of this show, Michael Landon seemed to have a natural rapport with kids and Victor French’s grouchiness was always put to good use whenever he had to deal with someone younger. It’s just hard not to notice that Jonathan and Mark seemed to go to several youth centers each episode and they almost always dealt with exact same issue. Some kid is angry or insecure. He may not have a father in his life. Jonathan helps the kid admit his anger and learn to trust whoever wanted to adopt him. Usually, this seemed to involve helping the kid find the courage to play a sport or something similar.

In this episode, the youth center is run by an ex-con named Jake (Thalmus Rasulal). Mark was the one who arrested Jake and sent him to prison but Jake so impressed Mark with how he turned his life around that Mark ended up testifying in favor of giving Jake parole. Jake opened up a youth center to “keep the kids out of the gangs.” And again, there’s nothing wrong with that. I admire anyone who comes out of prison and attempts to do something good for their community. One of the truly shameful things about our justice system is that it’s been forgotten that prison is meant to rehabilitate. We focus so much on punishment that we end up forgetting that we’re supposed to be a nation built on second chances. Jake has made something out of himself and now, he’s giving back.

(And yes, that is your When Did Lisa Marie Become A Bleeding Heart? moment of the week,)

The problem is that his youth center desperately needs money. It looks like everything is going to be alright when Mark wins $5,000,000 while taking the kids out for lunch. Mark plans to give the money to the youth center. He also plans to be there for a troubled kid named Brady (Ian Michael Giatti). But when Mark is approached by Nina Van Slyke (Shannon Tweed), those plans change. Nina claims to be the head of a charity and she convinces Mark that her charity could do a lot more good with the money than the youth center. Mark finds himself falling in love with Nina and he even tells Jonathan that they’re partnership might be over. However, Nina is actually a con artist who just wants to take Mark’s money for herself.

Will Mark see the error of his ways? Of course! And he’ll apologize to Brady for missing Brady’s big game and he’ll keep the youth center open by giving the money to Jake. This is Highway to Heaven. There’s not a cynical note to be found in this show.

That said, this episode was a bit uneven with the soap opera-like scenes of Nina and her partner (Roy Thinnes) plotting to cheat Mark never gelling with the more earnest scenes of Jonathan helping out at the youth center. As always, this episode was well-intentioned and about as sincere as you can get. The strength of this show is that it’s so sincere. But Shannon Tweed felt like she was acting in a totally different show from Highway to Heaven. As a result, this episode never quite came together as a cohesive unit.

Oh well. At least Brady’s going to get a family!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 3.8 “Shave and a Haircut, Two Bites”

Posted on February 5, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

Who needs a haircut?

(What is it with today’s reviews and hair?)

Episode 3.8 “Shave and a Haircut, Two Bites”

(Dir by John Strysik, originally aired on November 18th, 1990)

Tom (played by a young Matt LeBlanc) stands in front of an old timey barbershop and remembers when he was a teenager and he learned the truth about the place. His friend, Kevin (Wil Wheaton), lived across the street from the barbershop and was convinced that the two elderly barbers who owned the place were actually vampires. Kevin pointed out the customers were going inside with big jars of blood and then coming with little jars of blood. Tommy remained skeptical. I’m not sure why. Jars of blood are a HUGE red flag. Still, Tommy warned Kevin that if he continued to follow his vampire theory, he would probably get kicked out of all of his honors classes. That was a risk that Kevin was willing to take.

Tommy and Kevin snuck into the barbershop one night and searched for evidence of vampires. Kevin was serious while Tommy treated the whole thing as just being a big joke. They were caught by the two barbers, Mr. Innes (John O’Leary) and Dr. D’Onofrio (Al Mancini), who revealed that they were not vampires. Instead, they were just two guys who worshipped a giant slug creature who lived in the basement. The slug creature stayed alive by drinking the blood that was brought into the barbershop. In return, it offered up a smaller amount of its blood for the donors to drink. The blood apparently allowed to people to live for a very long time. So, I guess they were vampires but not really.

In the present, Tom gets a shave and a haircut and allows Kevin to draw some of his blood. Then Kevin gets in the barber chair and Tom picks up the razor blade. They both have noticeable scars on their neck.

This was an odd episode. It was full of atmosphere and Tom’s voice over contributed to the creepy vibe. It was generally well-acted. Not even Wil Wheaton was too annoying. The premise of the episode was intriguing but the episode’s pay-off fell a little flat. I was happy that the show did something other than vampires but the weird slug creature really wasn’t that compelling either. It felt like something out a Lovecraft short story but Lovecraft’s style of horror always works better when it’s something that the reader has to imagine as opposed to actually seeing. This episode played out like an odd dream. Even the ending feels like a fragment from a bigger narrative that has been lost to time.

Overall, though, I liked this episode and I appreciated the strange atmosphere. Monsters was always the most fun when it was weird and this episode was definitely that.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.16 “Green, But Not Jolly/Past Perfect Love/Instant Family”

Posted on February 5, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, Julie wears a wig!

Episode 5.16 “Green, But Not Jolly/Past Perfect Love/Instant Family”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on January 30th, 1982)

“Where’s Julie?” Captain Stubing demands and he’s got good reason. The Love Boat is only a few minutes away from setting sail. The passengers are checking in and being given directions to their cabins. And yet, Julie McCoy — the cruise director — is nowhere to be seen!

Fire him, Captain! Seriously, she’s been erratic this entire season and she seems to have a permanent cold so it’s time to get a new cruise director.

Julie shows up at the last minute. She reveals that she’s late because she went to see her hair dresser. And now, she’s a platinum blonde! She says that she’s proud of her new look. The rest of the crew pretends to like it. As for those of us watching, it’s hard not to notice that Julie is actually just wearing a very obvious wig.

Watching this episode, I couldn’t help but think about the fact that, according to a documentary about the show that I recently watched on Tubi, Lauren Tewes was dealing with a fairly serious cocaine problem during the fifth season. I don’t say that suggest anything bad about Lauren Tewes. From what I’ve read, cocaine was everywhere in the 80s and she’s hardly the only performer from the time to get into trouble with it. (Tewes, it should be noted, went to rehab and cleaned herself up.) Instead, I point that out because a lot of Julie’s actions during the fifth season seem as if they’re best explained by Julie being under the influence. The moodiness, the impulsivity, the fact that she suddenly doesn’t seem to be all that focused on her job, I think Julie had a problem! Her hair isn’t platinum blonde. It’s cocaine white!

Gopher eventually works up the courage to tell her that her new hair color is not flattering. (And, to be honest, he’s right.) Gopher gives her some hair dye that he picked up — uh oh! — and Julie uses it — JULIE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? — and she wakes up the next morning with green hair. Julie spends the rest of the cruise in her cabin while the rest of the crew feels guilty. Even Vicki has a hard time talking to Julie with her green hair. Then the rest of the cruse decides to die their hair green in solidarity with Julie, just to discover hat Julie’s hair has gone back to its natural color….

Yeah, it’s silly but I kind of enjoyed the storyline. I like stories about the crew and the members of the cast had enough chemistry that they could even carry a story as silly as this one. They’re a fun group to watch.

As for the other two stories, Lynda Day George boards the ship with her hyperactive son (a young Corey Feldman). She meets a high school coach (John Philip Law) who is not scared by her son. This was a predictable story but I’m a horror fan and an Italian movie fan so seeing George, Feldman, and Law interacting made up for any narrative flaws.

The third story starred Bert Convy and Tanya Roberts and it was about reincarnation. I don’t believe reincarnation, mostly because people who claim to remember their past lives never remember anything boring. Instead, they always remember being members of French royalty or the mistress of a Spanish pirate. As for this story, Convy lies and tries to convince Roberts that they were lovers in a past life. But then he has black-and-white visions of a chandelier falling on Roberts. Maybe they were once lovers at another time! Honestly, who cares?

This was an above average cruise. I’m glad Julie finally took off that wig.