Author Archives: Lisa Marie Bowman

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 6.3 “The Anniversary Gift/Honey Bee Mine/Bewigged, Bothered and Bewildered”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

It’s time so set sail for adventure, your mind on a new romance….

Episode 6.3 “The Anniversary Gift/Honey Bee Mine/Bewigged, Bothered and Bewildered”

(Dir by Ted Lange, originally aired on October 16th, 1982)

Oh my God, what did Julie do to her hair!?  I mean, I understand that it was the 80s and everything but Julie’s short, spiky look in this episode is not a good decision.  No wonder she’s so worried that she’s going to lose her boyfriend (Richard Bergman) to her old college friend, Honey Bee Harknest (Randi Oakes, taking a break from appearing on CHiPs to do The Love Boat).  Honey Bee has always stolen Julie’s boyfriends so, for this cruise, Julie lies and says that she’s dating Gopher.  Normally, Gopher would be happy about this but he’s already got a girlfriend to whom he’s trying to stay loyal.

(I’m going to guess that we’ll never see Julie’s boyfriend or Gopher’s girlfriend again after this episode.)

In other cruise news, Lynn Redgrave and Robert Mandan are taking a vacation to celebrate 20 years of wedded bliss.  Mandan is looking forward to traveling.  Redgrave wants to have another child.  You’ve probably already guessed where this storyline is heading.  Lynn Redgrave and Robert Mandan made for a surprisingly believable couple.  Redgrave was, of course, an Oscar nominee while Mandan was the best of the celebrity skaters to appear on the Roller Disco episode of CHiPs.

(There’s our second CHiPs reference of the review!  Woo hoo!)

Finally, Phyllis Diller plays an old classmate of Captain Stubing’s.  When Diller compliments Stubing on still looking young, Stubing starts to worry about how she’ll react when he removes his captain’s cap and reveals that he’s bald.  So, he starts wearing a toupee.  Oh, Captain Stubing!  To be honest, I do like episodes that allow Stubing to be emotionally vulnerable.  Gavin MacLeod always did a good job of suggesting the insecurity that lay underneath the commanding presence and that’s certainly the case with this episode.  That said, Stubing could take a lesson from Sgt. Getraer, who still manages to run things on CHiPs despite his thinning hair.

(Boom!  Three references to CHiPs in one review of The Love Boat.  That’s got to be a record.)

This was a pleasant cruise and it was directed by Isaac himself, Ted Lange!  Lange keeps the action moving and, as a director, he obviously knew how to get good performances out of his castmates.  Julia’s terrible hairstyle aside, this was a good trip on The Love Boat.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.7 “Line In The Sand”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, the beach gets dangerous.

Episode 2.7 “Line In The Sand”

(Dir by Michael Levine, originally aired on October 6th, 1996)

There’s a lot going on in this episode, leaving me to wonder if maybe this episode was edited together from two or three other episodes that, for whatever reason, were never aired in their original form.  Seriously, it’s an oddly put together episode, with two very dramatic stories and one silly story and absolutely no tonal consistency whatsoever.

A kayaker keeps trying to kayak where he’s not wanted so two surfers beat him up.  When the kayaker continues to kayak, the two surfers break into his home and …. put his girlfriend in a coma?  Seriously?  That seems like an overreaction.  How exactly are these two getting away with this?  Every episode of Pacific Blue leaves me more and more convinced that bicycle cops are a terrible idea.  These surfers aren’t brilliant criminals or anything.  Real cops would have been able to stop them.

Even with his girlfriend in a coma, the kayaker continues to kayak.  So, the surfers punch out two other guys and steal their jet skis so they can chase the guy.  But the kayaker leads them under the pier, which leads to one surfer colliding with a wooden support beam and the washing up on the beach, where he’s promptly arrested by Palermo.

“She woke up,” Palermo explains, referring to the kayaker’s girlfriend.  Apparently, this whole thing was just a sting to arrest the surfers but did allowing the surfers to beat up two innocent jet ski owners play into the plan?  If the girlfriend woke up and identified them as her attackers, why not just arrest the surfers on the beach instead of making them chase the kayaker?

Yes, it’s good the guy’s girlfriend woke up but consider this.  She wouldn’t have been in a coma to begin with if Santa Monica had a real police force.  Seriously, how can two surfers cause this much havoc without getting arrested before it reaches the point that they’re breaking into someone’s house and putting his girlfriend into a coma?  It is explained that they have a lawyer who represents them free-of-charge in return for surfing lessons.  I can’t think of a single lawyer who would do that.  Most lawyers need money to pay their bills and stuff.

One of the surfers is named Weed so Palermo got to say, “Hold on, Weed!” at one point.  That made me smile.

Meanwhile, a random woman became obsessed with Victor and started painting pictures of him.  When Victor rejected her, she tore her clothes and accused him of attempting to rape her.  Victor was charged with rape but we never actually saw anyone arrest him.  Cory went undercover as Victor’s girlfriend in order to get the woman to attack her.  Somehow, this led to the charges against Victor getting dropped, though it didn’t actually do anything to disprove the woman’s claim.

Finally, Elvis — the Pacific Blue mechanic played by David L. Lander — wanted to join a swinger’s club but he was told he would have to bring a woman with him.  Elvis asked Chris to accompany him.  By this point, Elvis should know that Chris’s character only exists to humiliate people who ask her to do things.  Chris isn’t interested in swinging but Elvis continue to look.  To be honest, I didn’t even realize that Elvis was still on the show.

This was a dumb episode.  Let’s leave it at that.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 6.19 “Edward/Extraordinary Miss Jones”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites.  Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR …. nearly being the word to remember.

This week, Sammy Davis Jr. comes to Fantasy Island.

That’s be cool, right?

Episode 6.19 “Edward/Extraordinary Miss Jones”

(Dir by Don Ingalls, originally aired on April 9th, 1983)

Or, it would have been cool if my DVR had actually recorded this episode!

Sorry, it’s the curse of the DVR.  This is one of the episodes that my DVR did not record.  I’m not sure if it’s a case of the episode not being aired or perhaps the cable itself was out when it should have been recording but, for whatever reason, I do not have this episode and I also don’t remember having watched it in the past.

For now, I can’t review it.  But I’m going to leave this here as a placeholder, in case the show ever starts streaming again.

Again, I regret not being able to review this episode at this time.  But, as Mr. Roarke always says, “Smiles, everyone, smiles!”

Song of the Day: Main Theme From Zombi 2 by Fabio Frizzi

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Zombi 2 (1979, dir. Lucio Fulci, DP: Sergio Salvati)

For today’s song of the day, we celebrate the birthday of Lucio Fulci with Fabio Frizzi’s main theme from 1979’s Zombi 2.  If you’ve ever seen the film, it’s impossible to hear this piece of music without imagining hundreds of zombies walking across the Brooklyn Bridge.

Scenes That I Love: Liza Meets Emily in Lucio Fulci’s The Beyond

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today’s scene that I love comes from Lucio Fulci’s 1981 masterpiece, The Beyond.

Liza (Catriona MacColl) meets the mysterious Emily (Cinzia Monreale) on one of Louisiana’s famous bridges to nowhere.  This scene is Fulci at his most dream-like.

6 Shots From 6 Films: Special Lucio Fulci Edition

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

4 (or more) Shots From 4 (or more) Films is just what it says it is, 4 (or more) shots from 4 (or more) of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 (or more) Shots From 4 (or more) Films lets the visuals do the talking.

98 years ago today, Lucio Fulci — the maestro of Italian genre filmmaking — was born in Rome.  Fulci would go on to direct some of the most visually stunning (and, occasionally, most narratively incoherent) films ever made.  Fulci worked in all genres but he’ll probably always be best remembered for launching the Italian zombie boom with Zombi 2.  His subsequent Beyond trilogy continues to fascinate and delight lovers of both horror and grindhouse filmmaking.

Lucio Fulci, needless to say, is a pretty popular figure here at the TSL.  In honor of the date of his birth, it’s time for….

6 Shots From 6 Lucio Fulci Films

A Lizard In A Woman’s Skin (1971, dir by Lucio Fulci, DP: Luigi Kuveiller)

Don’t Torture A Duckling (1972, dir by Lucio Fulci, DP: Sergio D’Offizi)

Zombi 2 (1979, dir by Lucio Fulci, DP: Sergio Salvati)

The Beyond (1981, dir by Lucio Fulci, DP: Sergio Salvati)

The House By The Cemetery (1981, dir by Lucio Fulci, DP: Sergio Salvati)

Murder Rock (1984, dir by Lucio Fulci, DP: Giuseppe Pinori)

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 3.23 “Nightengale”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, someone is performing emergency surgery on the street!

Episode 3.23 “Nightengale”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on March 23rd, 1980)

Something strange is happening in Los Angeles.  Every time there’s a serious accident, a middle-aged woman (Louise Latham) appears and provides medical help to the injured.  At the start of the episode, she even performs an emergency tracheotomy on the side of the freeway.  Whenever the highway patrol officer on the scene asks her for her name, she avoids the question.  And, whenever an ambulance shows up, she always manages to slip away.  As Jon and Ponch discover, the woman is named Lucy Kenton and, even though she’s a medical expert, she’s not a doctor.  With the help of the always-understanding Sgt. Getraer, Jon and Ponch help her to get her medical license so that she can legally perform surgery on the street.  Good for them!

This was a bit of an odd episode.  It seemed strange that the woman somehow always seemed to be around whenever there was an accident.  A car would crash and suddenly, Lucy would come running up, almost as if she had been patiently waiting.  The show acted as if it was just a coincidence but what are the chances that the same woman would be present at the sites of multiple accidents over the course of just a few days?  And what are the chances that Ponch would just happen to be the responding officer at two of those accidents?

To be honest, that’s one of the things that always struck me as being strange about CHiPs.  Somehow, the same people keep running into Ponch and Jon over and over again.  I mean, Los Angeles is a big city and it’s home to a lot of people.  But if you run into Ponch and Jon once, it seems you’re destined to keep seeing them for at least a week.  Once they get that first speeding ticket or stern warning, people literally can’t step outside of their house without Ponch and Jon just happening to be somewhere nearby.  That’s the sort of thing that would make me paranoid.

The B-plot of this episode featured a teenage couple whose van kept breaking down whenever they tried to run away from home.  There wasn’t much to this story but it did feature “special guest star” Dana Plato as the younger sister of the female half of the couple.  Plato delivered all her lines as if she was auditioning for a school play.  Oddly enough, Dana Plato appeared at the start of this season as herself.  She was one of the many celebrities to show up for the roller disco episode.

There really wasn’t much to this episode.  It wasn’t terrible but it did feel somewhat insubstantial.  We’re coming up on the end of the season and, from the last few episodes, I get the feeling the show’s writers just wanted to wrap things up and start their vacations.  I don’t blame them!

Next week, the third season concludes!

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 4.7 “Missing Hours”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, it’s the most infamous episode of Miami Vice ever!

Episode 4.7 “Missing Hours”

(Dir by Ate De Jong, originally aired on November 13th, 1987)

This is an episode that I had been waiting for years to see.  From the moment I decided to review Miami Vice, I started to read about and hear about this seventh episode of the four season.  This was the episode was supposedly so bad that many people consider it to be the point that Miami Vice “jumped the shark.”  This is the episode were James Brown plays a white-suited singer named Lou de Long, who has going from performing songs to giving lectures about UFOs.  (James Brown is essentially playing himself, right down to the presence of I Feel Good on the soundtrack.)  This is the episode where Trudy disappears for 12 hours and then returns with no firm memories of where she was.  This is the episode where even Crockett and Tubbs see a UFO.  Even though his appearance here does not receive as much attention as much a James Brown’s, Chris Rock made his television debut as a nerdy technician named Carson who was into UFOs.  Carson mentions getting his information for “computer bulleting boards” and everyone looks at him as if he’s speaking Esperanto.

This is the episode that is frequently cited as being the worst in Miami Vice history and really, who am I to disagree?

It pains me to say that.  I really wanted to like this episode, just because it is so strange and and I’ve always been a bit of a contrarian at heart but …. no, this episode really doesn’t work.  The sad truth of the matter is that, for all of his other talents, James Brown was a lousy actor and, with the exception of Michael Talbott and Philip Michael Thomas (who both appear to be having fun), the regular cast gives performance that suggest they all knew this episode was a bad idea.  Miami Vice was at its best when it was a cynical and downbeat show about the futility of the war on drugs.  There’s really no reason for Miami Vice to ever do a science fiction-themed episode.  Somehow, this is the second such episode to air during the fourth season.

Of course, the episode’s most unforgivable sin is that it ends with Trudy waking up in bed.  Not only is that ending a cop out but it’s also pretty rude to anyone who was actually trying to follow the plot or who was actually worried about whether or not Trudy had been brainwashed by the aliens.  Perhaps if this had been a Halloween episode, all of this could have been excused but apparently, this episode aired in the middle of November.

Poor Trudy.  Seriously, Olivia Brown didn’t really get many episode built around her character.  It’s a shame that, when they gave her one, it was this one.  Next week on Miami Vice, who knows?  I’m on vacation.  We’ll see what happens!

Lifetime Film Review: Kidnapped By A Killer: The Heather Robinson Story (dir by Lee Gabiana)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

John Robinson has been described as being the Internet’s first serial killer.

I don’t know if that’s an accurate description but it is true that Robinson, who most of his neighbors and family knew as just being a somewhat eccentric businessman who always seemed to be in trouble with the IRS, did make contact with several of his victims in online chatrooms.  No one is quite sure how many women Robinson killed in the 80s and the 90s.  Robinson himself has given contradictory numbers.  What is know is that Robinson started out by luring women to his home by claiming that he had a job for them.  Many of the women who accepted his job offer were either never seen again or their bodies were eventually found on his properties in Kansas and Missouri.  Eventually, after serving time on fraud conviction, Robinson started to use internet chatrooms to find his victims.  He used the screenname Slavemaster, something that would have undoubtedly stunned all of his neighbors.

In Kidnapped By A Killer, Steve Guttenberg plays John Robinson.  Now, it should be noted that Guttenberg doesn’t get much screentime and he’s also nearly unrecognizable under a ton of old age makeup.  Guttenberg plays Robinson as being a creepy old man who uses the fact that he walks with a cane to put people at ease.  The film doesn’t spend much time with Robinson and it doesn’t show any of his murders.  Instead, the focus is on the police who investigated Robinson and also on Heather Robinson, a young woman who was Robinson’s adoptive niece but who was also the daughter of one of Robinson’s victims.  After killing her mother, Robinson “gave” Heather to his brother and sister-in-law, telling them that her mother had been a drug addict who abandoned her baby.

The majority of the film focuses on Heather (Rachel Stubington), who is a teenager when John is arrested for the murders that he committed.  Heather struggles to come to terms with the knowledge that her uncle — who seemed kindly, if a bit corny — murdered her mother and that she was essentially kidnapped and given away.  What seemed like an act of kindness — Uncle John not wanting a drug addict’s daughter to get lost in the system — was actually John Robinson’s attempt to cover up his crimes.  Much like the criminal who starts a business to launder money, Heather’s adoption was John’s attempt to launder evidence.  Stubington does a good job as Heather, capturing her struggle to come to terms with her identity.  The scenes of her dealing with her feelings towards John and the scenes of hardened detectives recoiling in shock as they discover the remains of John’s victims all serve as a reminder that murder is not an isolated crime.  It’s something that effects communities and families long after the act itself has been completed.

Kidnapped By A Killer deserves credit for focusing on a victim instead of on John Robinson, himself.  Too often, when it comes to true crime movies, the victims are forgotten while the serial killer gets all the best lines and the big moments.  Kidnapped By A Killer presents John Robinson as being a rather pathetic old man and that’s perhaps the best thing about it.

The Films of 2025: Emmanuelle (dir by Audrey Diwan)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

This film is taking itself way too seriously….

I had that thought 16 minutes into Emmanuelle.  A remake of the wonderfully trashy 70s film that made a star (of sorts) out of Sylvia Kristel, this version of Emmanuelle takes itself way too seriously.  It should be noted that no one is under the impression that the original Emmanuelle films or any of the unofficial spin-offs were high art.  The first film may have pretended to be about something but, ultimately, it was a trashy sex romp that was made because some folks wanted to make a lot of money.  That’s one reason why the original film and Kristel’s version of the character continue to be popular.  Both were totally shameless and unapologetic.

The remake, though, is boring.  Emmanuelle (played by Noemie Merlant) even has a boring job.  She works in quality control for a large chain of luxury hotels.  That’s right, quality control.  This film reimagines Emmanuelle as being the female version of Creed from The Office  Emmanuelle has been sent to Hong Kong so that she can evaluate a hotel that is being managed by Margot (Naomi Watts).  The company has tasked Emmanuelle with finding an excuse to fire Margot and Emmanuelle is feeling conflicted about it.  Let me tell you, there’s nothing sexier than quality control.

Emmanuelle has several sexual experiences while staying at the hotel.  The sensuality of Hong Kong gets to her.  While wearing a towel, she flirts with a nervous room steward.  She touches herself in front of an escort who hangs out at the hotel’s pool and she gets upset when Margot sends the escort and her friends away.  Emmanuelle wanders through the film with a blank expression on her face, staring at things that are often happening off-camera.  Hong Kong is presented as being a world where everything is for sale and no desires are forbidden.  If this was one of Joe D’Amato’s Black Emanuelle films, the decadence would probably be strange and entertaining.  However, since this is an Emmanuelle film that takes itself seriously, it’s kind of boring.

In fact, this film really does get caught up in the whole “Will Emmanuelle get Margot fired?” plot.  That is probably the least interesting part of the movie but the filmmakers really do want us to understand that Emmanuelle could lose her job if she doesn’t give Margot a bad report.  But honestly, who cares?  This film makes the mistake of assuming that “quality control” is a lot more exciting than it actually is.

Emmanuelle does fall in love over the course of the film.  Kei (Will Sharpe) is an enigmatic guest who hasn’t had sex in “two or three years” because he lost his desire.  He’s suffering from ennui!  Emmanuelle yells at Kei for smoking in the hotel but she’s attracted to him as well.  At least, that’s what the film wants us to believe.  Merchant and Sharpe have so little chemistry — romantic or sexual — that it’s hard to really care.  They have some philosophical discussions, the type of stuff that even Zalman King would have dismissed as being rather pretentious.

The main problem, as I said before, is that this film just isn’t fun.  It gets bogged down with its plot and Merlant, Watts, and Sharpe all sleepwalk through their roles.  This film should have been glorious trash.  Instead, it’s just dull.