Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 1.21 “Crack-Up”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!

This week, Ponch rides with Getraer!

Episode 1.21 “Crack-Up”

(Dir by Phil Bondelli, originally aired on March 9th, 1978)

After causing an accident that lands Officer Baker in the hospital, street racer and tow truck drive Niles (Joey Aresco) has a psychotic break and decides that he wants to put as many police officers in the hospital as possible.  He starts driving recklessly in his tow truck, all the better to get the attention of highway patrol officers.  Soon, Officer Grossman has joined Baker in the hospital.

Meanwhile, with his partner laid up, Ponch faces his greatest nightmare.  His temporary partner is none other than Sgt. Getraer!  Getraer tells Ponch that he expects Ponch to do everything by the book.  He expects Ponch to follow orders and observe official procedure.  Ponch, however, is more concerned with saving lives and getting results than following the book.  Ponch is a rebel!

And that’s fine, except for the fact that there’s never been anything about Erik Estrada’s performance that has ever made Ponch seem like he’s actually the rebel who everyone claims he is.  Estrada plays Ponch as someone who is quick to smile and quick to brag on himself and quick to get annoyed if a motorist doesn’t pull over for him.  In short, Estrada has always been convincing when he plays Ponch as being a jackass but far less convincing when it comes to convincing us that Ponch is a cop who deliberately breaks the rules for the greater good.

While Getraer and Ponch get on each other’s nerves, Baker lies in bed and insists that he’s ready to get back on his bike.  Wanda (Phyllis Diller), who is visiting her husband in the hospital, frequently stops by to tell jokes.  When I saw this episode was going to be co-starring Phyllis Diller, I cringed because CHiPs seems like the type of show that would screw something like that up.  But actually, Diller gives a really good performance as Wanda and her scenes were the best in the episode.  She told a lot of jokes but, as she admitted to Baker, she was only joking to distract herself from worrying about her husband.

In the end, things work out.  Baker gets back on his bike.  Getraer and Ponch come to respect each other.  And, eventually, Niles the mad mechanic is captured.  To be honest, it’s kind of weird that it took so long to capture Niles.  After Baker was injured, Niles called the police to say that someone has stolen his car an hour or so before.  He also got another mechanic, Ray (Gary Sandy), to lie and provide him with an alibi.  But then, Niles went driving around in his tow truck and that’s what he was driving when he injured Grossman.  So, really, a smart cop would have said, “Hey, that stolen car belonged to a tow truck driver and now, another office has been injured by someone driving a tow truck!  Maybe we should go talk to that guy again….”

This episode was better than I was expecting, largely due to Phyllis Diller and the comedic interplay between Officers Grossman and Baker.  As always, the California scenery was the real star of the show and the state looked lovely.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 3.5 “The Scoop/The Audit Couple/My Boyfriend’s Back”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Today, the IRS takes a cruise.  Agck!

Episode 3.5 “The Scoop/The Audit Couple/My Boyfriend’s Back”

(Dir by Jack Arnold, originally aired on October 6th, 1979)

Captain Stubing is being audited!

Damn the IRS!  What a bunch of money-obsessed fascists!

The IRS agent, Viola Penny (Phyllis Diller), has booked a room on the cruise so that she can look through Captain Stubing’s records and….

Wait a minute.  If you’re an IRS agent, you get to go on a luxury cruise and also look through someone’s private information?  That sounds like fun!  Sign me up!

Anyway, Viola originally seems to be tough-minded and determined to toss Capt. Stubing in jail.  But then she gets drunk at dinner and, when she wakes up in the captain’s cabin, she’s convinced that she and Stubing are now lovers.  She decides to go easy on the audit but then she comes across $50,000 hidden in an ice bucket and she becomes convinced that Stubing is cheating the government and that he seduced her to keep her from finding out.  But then she discovers that the money is actually the crew emergency fund and she falls in love with Stubing again….

Yeah, it’s hard to keep track of how Viola feels from scene to scene.  At the end of the episode, she declares her love for the captain and leaves the boat.  Stubing realizes that he forgot to ask her what the results of his audit were but he also orders Gopher not to call her back to the boat.  If there’s a new captain next week, I’ll just assume Stubing’s in USP Marion.

Meanwhile, caddish Jay Cavanaugh (Lyle Waggoner) is really excited when he sees his ex-girlfriend, Patricia Lucas (Jennifer Salt), on the boat.  Jay is determined to get back together with Patricia, despite the fact that Patricia is on her honeymoon with her new husband, Danny (Richard Kline).  Danny is instantly jealous of Jay, who has a perfect smile and a perfect tan.  However, he needn’t be insecure because Patricia is totally in love with him.  Still, Danny keeps walking in on Jay flirting with Patricia and soon, he declares that the marriage is over.

Patricia tricks Jay into stepping up on a stage in the Acapulco Lounge and announcing that he’s in love with Patricia.  Patricia then announces that Jay has no idea what love is and declares, in front of all the crew and passengers, that she’s in love with Danny.  Danny and Patricia’s marriage is saved but seriously, Danny was kind of wimpy about the whole thing.  It seems like Patricia deserved better than both Jay and Danny.

Finally, Simon Scott (Ray Buktenica) is a tabloid reporter who is on the cruise because he’s been assigned to discover who the famous actress, Jackie Landers (Joyce Dewitt), is traveling with.  It turns out that Jackie is not traveling with a romantic partner but instead with her autistic son.  At first, Jackie pretends to be in a relationship with Doc Bricker but eventually, Simon discovers the truth.  However, Simon refuses to write a tabloid-style story about her child so Jackie falls in love with him and hires him to help her write her own non-tabloidy story about her son.

This episode was a mixed bag.  The IRS storyline was frustrating, largely because it featured a lot of complications that could have been prevented by people just not jumping to conclusions.  The newlyweds story felt anticlimactic because there was never any question about who Patricia would choose to be with.  But the storyline with Jackie, Simon, and Jackie’s son was actually pretty sweet.  Ultimately, this was a pleasant but forgettable cruise.

TV Review: Night Gallery 1.5 “Pamela’s Voice/Lone Survivor/The Doll”


The fifth episode of Night Gallery originally aired on January 13th, 1971.  It featured three stories, each one of which was introduced by Rod Serling walking through a darkened museum.

Pamela’s Voice (dir by Richard Benedict, written by Rod Serling)

Jonathan (John Astin) kills his wife, Pamela (Phyllis Diller), because he’s sick of listening to her shrill voice.  However, it turns out that not even death can stop Pamela.  While Jonathan is staring at a coffin, he starts to hear Pamela’s voice.

At first, you might think that this is going to be one of those stories where it’s going to turn out that the murderer has been driven made by his crimes and he’s imagining being taunted by his victim.  But then Pamela makes an post-death appearance herself and the story reveals it’s final twist.

For the most part, Pamela’s Voice is entertaining.  Both John Astin and Phyllis Diller give such eccentric performances that their fun to watch even if the majority of the audience will be able to guess this segment’s big twist.

Lone Survivor (dir by Gene Levitt, written by Rod Serling)

This wonderfully atmospheric story opens in 1915, with the crew of the Lusitania discovering a man (John Colicos) floating in a lifeboat.  The lifeboat is from the Titanic and the man, who claims to be a crewmember of that doomed ship, is wearing a dress, leading the ship’s doctor to assume that the man survived the sinking of the Titanic by pretending to be a woman and stealing someone else’s rightful spot in the lifeboat.

At first, his rescuers are skeptical.  If the man was indeed a survivor of the Titanic, that would mean that he had spent the past three years floating in that lifeboat?  How could the man have survived?  And, assuming that he is telling the truth about the ship that he came from, what has now brought him to the Lusitania?  Could the man possibly be a German spy?  After all, World War I has just broken out and the sea is no longer as safe as it once was….

Lone Survivor is an example of this often uneven show at its best.  It’s a genuinely creepy short film, one that ends on a frightening and rather sad note.  Lone Survivor is the tale of man trying to escape both his own guilt and the whims of fate and discovering that neither can be easily conquered.  In the main role, John Colicos gives a wonderfully intense and haunted performance.

The Doll (dir by Rudi Dorn, written by Rod Serling)

“Our painting is called The Doll,” Rod Serling says as he introduces this one, “and it’s one that you better not play with.”  Truer words were never spoken!

In this one, British Col. Hymber Masters (John Williams) returns home from India and discovers that his niece (Jewel Branch) has a new doll.  Someone mailed the doll to her.  Everyone assumed that Col. Masters sent the doll but he actually had nothing to do with it.  Masters is not happy to see his niece carrying around that doll and it makes sense when you consider just how ugly the doll is.  I mean, this is one creepy doll!

It turns out that the Masters was correct to be concerned because the doll was sent by Pandit Chola (Henry Silva), who holds Masters responsible for the death of his brother.  The doll has been sent to take revenge….

The Doll is another triumph, largely because the doll itself is so creepy that it looks like something that sprung straight out of a nightmare.  John Williams does a good job playing the well-meaning if somewhat stuffy colonel and Henry Silva is well-cast as the villain of the piece.  This segment deserves a lot of credit for taking a fanciful story and playing it totally straight.

The fifth episode of Night Gallery is a triumph.  After a run of uneven episodes, this episode is consistently creepy and entertaining.  For this episode, at least, Night Gallery lived up to its potential.

Previous Night Gallery Reviews:

  1. The Pilot
  2. The Dead Man/The Housekeeper
  3. Room With A View/The Little Black Bag/The Nature of the Enemy
  4. The House/Certain Shadows on the Wall
  5. Make Me Laugh/Clean Kills And Other Trophies

Love on the Shattered Lens: Splendor in the Grass (dir by Elia Kazan)


What though the radiance which was once so bright

Be now for ever taken from my sight,

Though nothing can bring back the hour

Of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower;

We will grieve not, rather find

Strength in what remains behind…

— “Ode: Intimations of Immortality from Recollections of Early Childhood” by William Wordsworth

The 1962 film, Splendor in the Grass, takes place in Kansas shortly before the start of the Great Depression.  Deanie (Natalie Wood) and Bud (Warren Beatty) are two teenagers in love but, as we learn, youthful love does not always translate into adult happiness.

Bud and Deanie are idealistic and in love but they’re from different social classes.  Bud is the son of a boisterous oilman named Ace (Pat Hingle) and Ace acts much like you would expect a millionaire named Ace to behave.  Bud’s parents are determined that he attend Yale and that he marry someone else from a wealthy family.  They don’t want him to turn out like his older sister, Ginny (Barbara Loden), who drinks, smokes, and is rumored to have recently had an abortion.  Meanwhile, Deanie is repeatedly told by her mother that she must always remain a “good girl” and not give in to the temptation to have premarital sex with either Bud or any other boy.  If she does, she’ll be forever branded a bad girl and she’ll pretty much end up with a reputation like Ginny’s.

(Interestingly enough, Ace doesn’t have any problem with Bud finding  himself a bad girl, nor does he have a problem with taking his son to a speakeasy later in the film.  As far as society in concerned, being “good” and following the rules only applies to women.)

Needless to say, things don’t work out well for either Deanie or Bud.  Bud is so frustrated that Deanie won’t have sex with him that he dumps her and then has the first of several breakdowns.  When Deanie’s attempt to win Bud back by acting more like Ginny fails, she ends up going out with a classmate named Toots Tuttle (Gary Lockwood).  Nothing good ever comes from going out on a date with someone named Toots Tuttle.  That’s certainly the case here as Deanie and Bud both struggle with the demands of a hypocritical society that expects and encourages Bud to behave in a certain way but which also condemns Deanie for having desires of her own.  And, of course, the entire time that Bud and Deanie’s drama is playing out, we’re aware that the clock is ticking and soon the stock market is going to crash and change everyone’s lives forever.

It’s kind of a depressing film, to be honest.  I’ve always found it to be rather sad.  When we first meet them, Deanie and Bud seem as if they’re perfect for each other but, throughout the entire film, the world seems to be conspiring to keep them apart.  By the end of the film, they’ve both found a kind of happiness but we’re painfully aware that it’s not the happiness that either one was expecting while they were still in school.  The film suggests that type of happiness might be impossible to attain and a part of growing up is realizing that there is no such thing as perfection.  Instead, there’s just making the best of wherever you find yourself.

There’s a scene in this film where Natalie Wood nearly drowns and it always freaks me out, both because of my own fear of drowning and the fact that it foreshadows what would eventually happen to Natalie in 1982.  (The fact that Natalie Wood and Robert Wagner’s yacht was called “Splendour” doesn’t help.)  Natalie herself was also deeply scared of drowning and just filming the scene undoubtedly took a lot of courage on Natalie’s part.  But then again, Natalie Wood’s entire performance is courageous.  Natalie Wood gives an emotional and intense performance as Deanie, holding nothing back and it’s impossible not to get emotional while watching her.  Making his film debut, Warren Beatty is a bit of a stiff as Bud, though he’s certainly handsome and you can tell why Deanie would have found him attractive.  (In high school, you always assume that the boring, handsome guys actually have more depth than they let on.)  By the end of the film, you understand that Deanie deserved better than Bud.  Then again, Deanie deserved better than just about everything life had to offer her.  But Deanie survived and endured and made the best of what she was given because, really, what else could she had done?  What other choice did she have?

For her performance in Splendor in the Grass, Natalie Wood received her second Oscar nomination for Best Actress.  She lost to Sophia Loren for Two Women and …. well, actually, Loren deserved the award.  But so did Wood.  1961 would have been a great year for a tie.