October Positivity: Love On The Rock (dir by Matt Shapira)

Posted on October 22, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

2021’s Love On The Rock definitely has something going for it. It was filmed on the island of Malta.

Malta is a beautiful island nation, sitting between Sicily and North Africa. I spent the summer after I graduated high school in Europe and Malta was one of the many beautiful places that I visited. Along with its gorgeous architecture and the beaches, Malta is also known for being the island where St. Paul and St. Luke were shipwrecked for three months. Paul, it’s said, healed every sick person on the island.

Love On The Rock may be a comedic action film with a religious subtext but, far more importantly, it’s a bit of a travelogue as well. David A.R. White plays Colton Riggs, a former Chicago cop who moved to Malta after the death of his wife. He has his own boat and he makes his living giving tours. (He even has a pre-recorded narration that he plays while navigating the boat.) This allows for several scenes that give us a chance to take in the stunning beauty of the island. Colton also has a friend named Rev. Yearwood (Jeff Fahey), who oversees a church that overlooks the ocean. Again, the view is lovely.

As for the plot, it has to do with the search for a serum that can, in theory, cure any and all diseases. International criminal Claudio Fairbanks (Steven Bauer, who appears to have been dubbed by someone else) wants control of the serum so he sends his associates to raid the Maltese laboratory where it’s being developed. One technician gets away, carrying a vial of the serum with him. Wounded during his escape, the dying man secretly hides the vial on Colton’s boat.

Claudio sends his people, led by Halston Hallstrom (Matthew Marsden), to find the serum. Meanwhile, the head of the CIA (Jon Lovitz …. wait, Jon Lovitz?) sends Josie (Lauriane Gillieron) to Malta to seduce Colton and discover if he knows where the serum is. Of course, Josie actually does fall in love with Colton and eventually, Colton does find the serum and it all ends with a surprisingly laid back confrontation between the bad guy and the good guys.

The film is also a comedy and it’s got a religious message as well. (Josie is offended when Colton acts surprised that a spy would also be religious.) Surprisingly enough, it’s actually pretty adroit when it comes to juggling all of its different genres. David A.R. White and Laurianne Gillieron make for a cute couple and both of them turn out to have good comedic timing. For that matter, I also liked the performance of Nathalie Rapti Gomez, who played a trigger-happy mercenary named Plaza and who gave an entertainingly unhinged performance. In the end, even that stuff that shouldn’t have worked — like casting Jon Lovitz as a spymaster — actually did work. Maybe Lovitz should be the next James Bond.

Love On The Rock is an entertaining and unpretentious action spoof. If nothing else, it’s worth seeing for the beauty of Malta.

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 2.2 “The Veterans”

Posted on October 22, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

This week, the Bulls face a dilemma. What to do with O.J. Simpson?

Episode 2.2 “The Veterans”

(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on September 1st, 1986)

This week, veteran running back T.D. Parker (O.J. Simpson) shows up for training camp. All of the players are excited to see him. At the bar where all of the Bulls hang out, Dr. Death (Donald Gibb) announces that T.D. Parker has had over one hundred injuries over the past twelve years but he’s still the heart and the soul of the Bulls franchise. He’s the face of the team! When people think of the Los Angeles Bulls, they think of T.D. Parker slashing through the other team on his way to an ~~acquittal~~ touchdown.

Speaking as a viewer, it seems kind of strange that this is the first that I’m really hearing about the legendary T.D. Parker. Where was he last season? The Bulls went all the way to the Championship Game but I never once heard anyone mention T.D. Parker. I certainly didn’t see him in the locker room. The Bulls actually had a totally different running back named Carl Witherspoon. Oddly, Carl seems to have vanished this season….

As for T.D., his injuries are catching up with him. Denardo and Diana are forced to confront that fact that T.D. can no longer cut it. Even in practice, he’s spilling a lot of blood on the field. Denardo cuts T.D. from the team. When T.D. says that football is all that he knows, Denardo announces that T.D. may not be playing but he’ll still be on the field …. AS A COACH! T.D. looks confused. He’ll figure it out eventually, I guess.

Meanwhile, Jeff East briefly returns as quarterback Bryce Smith but just long enough to fall out of a window at training camp and bust his knee. (He was trying to keep the new kicker — a Bosnian played by future voice of the Crypt Keeper John Kassir — from sneaking out to go into town to get drunk.) Bryce is done for the season. Veteran quarterback and all-around druggie sleaze Johnny Valentine (Sam J. Jones) becomes the new starter and Tom Yinessa is brought back to be his backup. That’ll make Yinessa’s roommate (Jeff Kaake) and Yinessa’s potential girlfriend (Katherine Kelly Lang) happy.

Finally, the NFL owners don’t want to give their players a pension or a raise. They do, however, want to give them mandatory drug tests. Diana protests but she’s overruled by the other owners, all of whom are male and in their 60s. There’s a lot of toupees and cigars at the ownership meeting.

This episode was actually kind of entertaining. That’s doesn’t mean it was good. 1st & Ten isn’t a really a show that’s ever good. But this episode did feature Sam J. Jones giving a totally over the top performance as creepy quarterback Johnny Valentine. Speaking of going over the top, the same can be said of Delta Burke’s performance this season. It would appear that between seasons one and two, Burke realized there was no need to try to be in any way subtle in her line readings. That was probably the right decision.

Next week …. who knows? I’m getting a little bored with training camp so hopefully, we’ll move on!

Horror On TV: The Last Halloween (dir by Savage Steve Holland)

Posted on October 22, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

For tonight’s Halloween on television, we have the story of four aliens who came to Earth on Halloween and search for candy for their planet. After an initial misunderstanding, two kids help the aliens in their search. It’s sweet!

This was directed by Savage Steve Holland of Better Off Dead fame and it originally aired on October 28th, 1991.

The TSL Horror Grindhouse: The Fifth Floor (dir by Howard Avedis)

Posted on October 22, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

In 1977’s The Fifth Floor, Dianne Hull plays Kelly McIntyre.

Kelly is a college student by day and a disco dancer by night! Unfortunately, after someone spikes her drink at the discotheque and she suffers an overdose, she becomes a full-time patient at a mental asylum. Neither the head doctor (Mel Ferrer) nor the head nurse (Julia Adams, who once swam with The Creature From The Black Lagoon) believes her claim that her drink was spiked. Judged to be suicidal and delusional, Kelly is sent to the Fifth Floor!

While her boyfriend (John David Carson) tries to convince the authorities that she’s not insane, Kelly adjusts to life on the Fifth Floor. She befriend Cathy (Patti D’Arbanville). She encourages her fellow patients to dance and enjoy themselves. She tries to escape on multiple occasions. She draws the unwanted attention of a male orderly named Carl (Bo Hopkins, giving a wonderfully sinister performance). A sadist equipped with down-home country charm, Carl has got all of his co-workers convinced that he’s a great guy. The patients, though, know that Carl is a petty authoritarian who enjoys showing off his power. (“I’m just doing my job,” is the excuse whenever he’s challenged.) Carl takes an obsessive interest in Kelly and soon, Kelly is not only trying to get her life back but also trying to escape from Carl’s cruel intentions.

Most film directories list The Fifth Floor as being a horror film and certainly, there are elements of the horror genre to be found in the film. The smooth-talking and nonchalantly cruel Carl is certainly a horrific character and Kelly’s attempts to escape from the asylum capture the very primal fear of not having any control over one’s life. That said, The Fifth Floor owes greater debt to One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest than to the typical slasher film. Kelly is a rebel who brings the patients in the ward together. Much as in Cuckoo’s Nest, the nurses and the orderlies use the threat of electro-shock treatment to keep the patients under control.

It’s not a bad film, though it definitely has its slow spots and I do wish the film had embraced its own sordidness with a bit more style. I’m a history nerd so I appreciated the fact that The Fifth Floor was so obviously a product of its time. Any film that features the heroine showing off her disco moves before being taken to a mental hospital is going to hold my interest. That said, the most interesting thing about the film are some of the familiar faces in the cast. For instance, Earl Boen — who played so many authority figures over the course of his career and appeared as a psychiatrist in the early Terminator films — plays a patient who wears a NASA jacket. The always intimidating Anthony James plays the most violent patient. Michael Berryman and Tracey Walter appear as background patients.

And then you’ve got Robert Englund, cast here as Benny. Benny is the most gentle of the patients, a prankster who befriends Kelly. It’s always so interesting to see the type of roles that Englund played before he was cast as Freddy Krueger in A Nightmare On Elm Street. In this film, Englund is so goofy and friendly that you actually find yourself worrying about something happening to him. Englund’s role is small but his amiable nerdiness definitely makes an impression.

The Fifth Floor opens and ends with a title card telling us that the film is based on a true story. Sure, it was.

Brad’s Scene of the Day: Jeff Goldblum and Robert Englund attack Charles Bronson in ST. IVES (1976)!

Posted on October 22, 2025 by Bradley Crain

Happy 73rd Birthday, Jeff Goldblum! 🎂🎉

I’ve been a fan of Jeff Goldblum for most of my life. The man has had an amazingly successful career, starring in some of the most financially profitable films ever made, like JURASSIC PARK and INDEPENDENCE DAY!! One of the main reasons that Goldblum is extra special to me, however, is because of his small roles as bad guys in two different Charles Bronson movies in the 1970’s. First, he played one of the thugs who breaks into Paul Kersey’s apartment and assaults his wife and daughter in the original DEATH WISH (1974). Second, he plays a thug who, along with Robert Englund and another less famous guy, tries to rob and assault Raymond St. Ives in the film ST. IVES (1976). I’ve loved telling people about his appearances in these two films for decades, and I don’t see any reason to stop now.

To celebrate Jeff Goldblum’s birthday on the Shattered Lens, I’ve included an “overly edited” video of his appearance in ST. IVES, if nothing else so you could also see the young Robert Englund (Freddy Krueger). I wish I could share the full scene, but this is all I could find on YouTube. Anyway, happy birthday, Jeff! I hope it’s been a great one!

On Stage On The Lens: Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (dir by Lonny Price)

Posted on October 22, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

For today’s On Stage On The Lens, we have an excellent 2014 production of a Halloween classic, Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. This production features not only the New York Philharmonic Orchestra but also Bryn Terfel and Emma Thompson in the lead roles.

Moments #28: Jake and Max

Posted on October 22, 2025 by Dazzling Erin

These two dolls are named Jake and Max. My mom found them for sell at a garage sale, back when I was very little. Jake had shoes. Max did not.

My mom paid a little over ten dollars for both of them. After she left them to me, I discovered they are both worth much more. I don’t think I could ever sell them, though. They were mom’s favorite dolls and I’ll always give them a home.

A friend of mine once looked at Jake and said, “Burn it! Burn it with fire!” How could anyone find Jake or Max to be creepy?

They’re as innocent as can be.

Previous Moments:

Mind Ripper (1995, directed by Joe Gayton)

Posted on October 22, 2025 by Jedadiah Leland

In a base hidden away in the desert, a group of government scientists reanimate the corpse of a recent suicide victim with radiation. They bring Thor (Dan Blom) back to life but it turns out that Thor just wants to kill all of them.

Mind-numbingly dull, Mind Ripper is the same as a hundred other horror films with the same plot. Lance Henriksen plays the lead scientist and it’s always a pleasure to see him in even the worst movies but Mind Ripper underutilizes him in favor of Giovanni Ribisi, of all people.

Mind Ripper was executive produced by Wes Craven and sold in some markets as Wes Craven Presents Mind Ripper. Wes’s son, Jonathan Craven, did write the script and the movie was originally planned as being the third Hills Have Eyes movie. Wes Craven’s name undoubtedly helped this film get into production but the thing to remember is that Craven may have been the executive producer and his son may have written but Wes Craven did not direct the movie and that makes all the difference. Maybe Wes Craven could have done something with the limp story and the uninteresting characters. My guess is that Wes Craven was smart enough not to even try.

Don’t let this movie rip your mind. It’s not worth it.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 6.23 “Vicki’s Dilemma/Discount Romance/Loser & Still Champ”

Posted on October 22, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, Vicki is accused of corrupting a passenger!

Episode 6.23 “Vicki’s Dilemma/Discount Romance/Loser & Still Champ”

(Dir by Jack Arnold, originally aired on March 5th, 1983)

Poor Vicki! Finally, someone her own age — Mark Hammond (Glenn Scarpelli) — boards the boat and he turns out to be a speed freak! In fact, he steals some amphetamines from Doc’s cabin. (For some reason, Doc didn’t lock the medicine cabinet. Y’know, people get fired for stuff like that….) When the speeding Mark collapses on deck, Vicki is the first to help him. And how does Mark thank her? By slipping the stolen pills into Vicki’s pocket!

Mark’s mom (Elinor Donahue) accuses Vicki of getting her son hooked on speed. Luckily, Mark has an attack of conscience and admits the truth. (“I was going to let you take the fall but….” Mark says.) Vicki and the Captain are surprisingly forgiving of Mark and his mom. If I was in Vicki’s shoes, I can’t say I’d be quite so gracious about it. Then again, I’ve been taking speed for ADD for most of my life so I would at least have an excuse for having the medicine.

Meanwhile, Gopher’s uncle (Red Buttons) boards the boat and starts selling watches out of his cabin. He’s such a good salesman that he almost puts the boat’s gift shop out of business! The owner of the gift shop is played by June Allyson and she’s not amused. She and Red Button still end up falling in love though.

(I thought Juliet Mills was in charge of the gift shop. When did June Allyson arrive?)

Finally, passenger Tom Joseph (Patrick Wayne) feels threatened because he’s got a crush on another passenger (Ann Turkel) who is a tennis star and much more athletic to him. Every Love Boat has at least one boring story and this week, it was Tom’s story.

This was an okay episode. Red Buttons and June Allyson were a cute old couple. I appreciated the Vicki storyline, if just because it was one of the few times that I’ve seen this show acknowledge that Vicki really doesn’t get to spend much time with people her own age. Captain Stubing confessed to worrying about whether or not life at sea was fair to Vicki and Gavin MacLeod delivered the lines with such sincerity that, for a few brief moments, The Love Boat became a serious drama.

This was a good cruise.

Horror Scenes I Love: The Cenobites Make Their First Appearance In The Original Hellraiser

Posted on October 22, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

AGCK!

This is from the original 1987 Hellraiser. The Cenobites were probably never scarier than they were in their very first appearance. They are all the more horrifying because, rather than being stereotypically good or evil, they’re actually neutral. They’re doing their job and, if you don’t want to see them, don’t mess around with the puzzle box. Doug Bradley was brilliant in the role of the head Cenobite (who, of course, would later be known as Pinhead).