Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 6.6 “The Groupies/The Audition/Doc’s Nephew”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, Doc starts to feel his age.

Episode 6.6 “The Groupies/The Audition/Doc’s Nephew”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on November 6th, 1982)

When it comes to The Love Boat, there’s one question that always has to be asked.

In this episode, Julie appears to be moderately coked up.  She’s definitely not as coked up as she was in some of the earlier episodes of this season but there’s still that glint in her eye and the rapidness of his speech that leaves little doubt that there was probably some sniffing going on in the cruise director’s office.  On the How Coked Up With Julie Scale, I would give this one a solid 7 out of 10.

Of course, Julie had some competition on this cruise.  A pre-born again Willie Aames was on the cruise, playing Doc’s nephew Danny, and sporting the puffy eyes of someone who had been up all night on a date with the Devil’s Dandruff.  Danny and Doc both develop a crush on the same woman and Linda (Michelle Phillips) decides that she would prefer to spend her romantic time with a teenage Danny than with Doc, who has a medical degree and probably a lot more money than Danny.  This leads to Doc have yet another midlife crisis.  Danny, meanwhile, falls hard for Linda but, at the end of the cruise, Linda explains that she’s not looking to get tied down with a relationship.  She just wanted to bang someone who was ten years younger than her.  Okay, that’s not quite what she said but that was the general idea.  Doc learned that it was okay to be middle-aged and Danny was too high to learn much of anything.

Soap opera writer Paula Hastings (Susan Lucci!) boarded the cruise and was shocked to discover that one of the passengers was Barry Weldon (Tristan Rogers!), an actor who she turned down for a role on her soap.  Barry romanced Paula and convinced her that he was falling in love with her and then announced it was all just an act to prove that he deserved the role on her show.  Damn, Barry, that’s not nice at all!  But then it turned out that Barry actually had fallen in love with her so they decided to get married.  “Congratulations!” Julie said, her eyes shining with a manic edge.

Finally, a therapist (Richard Deacon) boarded the ship, just to discover that his patients (Jerry Van Dyke, Elaine Joyce, Morey Amsterdam, and Rose Marie) had all decided to take the cruise with him.  Why, that’s enough stress to make the idea of a little flakey relief seem appealing!  That said, the therapist and his patients were played by some old school sitcom mainstays and none of them seemed to be coked up.  They were definitely a whiskey and cigarettes crowd.

This was a pleasant cruise.  Bernie Kopell is always likable as Doc Bricker and I always enjoy his midlife crisis episodes.  The therapist storyline was pretty hokey but, on the other hand, Susan Lucci and Tristan Rogers!  That’s daytime drama royalty, babe!  I enjoyed this episode.

Brad’s “Scene of the Day” – Brian Dennehy and James Woods in BEST SELLER (1987)!


I’m a big fan of tough guy actor, Brian Dennehy. I especially liked it when he teamed up with James Woods in the badass cop/hitman flick, BEST SELLER! In honor of Dennehy’s 87th birthday in cinema heaven, I thought I’d share him pummeling a very deserving Woods in one of the film’s many standout scenes!

Film Review: Cast Away (dir by Robert Zemeckis)


“WILSON!”

Seriously, I’m usually pretty well-behaved when I watch a movie but every time I see the 2000 film Cast Away, I find myself thinking, “Protect Wilson!  You must protect Wilson!”  And then, every time, I feel the sting of tears in my eyes as Wilson, with that red-face and that understanding attitude, goes floating away.

Wilson is a volleyball.  When a FedEx executive named Chuck Noland (played by Tom Hanks) finds himself stranded on a desert island, Wilson becomes his only companion.  A stain from Chuck’s bloody palm creates something that resembles a face on Wilson’s rubber surface and Chuck spends a lot of time talking to Wilson.  It’s how Chuck maintains his sanity, even as he loses weight, sheds most of his clothes, and grows a beard.

Chuck learns how to make fire.  He learns how to catch fish.  He is able to survive due to the supplies that he gathers from the FedEx packages that were being carried on the plane that crashed into the island.  But Chuck never stops dreaming of returning home to his girlfriend (Helen Hunt).  Eventually, Chuck finds the courage to try to make the journey back to civilization.  He brings Wilson with him but ultimately, this is something that Chuck is going to have to do on his own.  Of course, Chuck has failed to consider that he’s been gone for years.  He is presumed dead.  On the Island, time seemed like it was frozen.  For the rest of the world, life has continued.

Cast Away is a film that a lot of people, especially online film commentators, tend to criticize.  The complaint is usually that the film is essentially a commercial for FedEx, that it’s not believable that Tom Hanks could survive on that island for as long as he did, and that the film itself has a weak ending.  I’ll concede that the film does make FedEx look like the nicest corporation on Earth.  (FedEx’s CEO appears as himself, which should tell you something about how the company is presented.)  And I will admit that the film’s time-advancing jump cut, which abruptly takes Hanks from being clean-shaven and husky to being thin and bearded, does leave a lot of unanswered questions.  But I will always defend the film’s ending.  The film ends on a note of ambiguity but how else could it have ended?  Everyone thought Chuck Noland was dead.  His girlfriend had every right to get on with her life and, in fact, it would have been psychologically unhealthy for her if she hadn’t.  As for that final shot, it’s an acknowledgment that Chuck doesn’t know what lies ahead of him in the future.  All he knows is that he life isn’t over yet.  It’s a melancholy ending.  It’s a frustrating ending.  But it’s also the only way the film could have ended and therefore, it’s a perfect ending.

Cast Away is a film that I will always defend and it’s also a film that really only could have worked with Tom Hanks in the lead role.  He plays Chuck as being the ultimate everyman, an affable guy who was just trying to do his job and whose survival of the initial plane crash was largely due to luck.  Hanks is one of those actors who is instantly sympathetic and Cast Away uses his screen persona to good effect.  You want him to survive because he’s Tom Hanks.  He may be playing a character named Chuck Noland but ultimately, he’s Tom Hanks.  He survived being trapped in space.  Surely, he can survive being stranded on an island.  The majority of the film is just Hanks talking to himself.  This would have brought out the worst in so many actors but Tom Hanks makes it work.  And yes, he’ll bring tears to your eyes as he watches Wilson float away.  That’s the power of a good actor.

As for Wilson, I like to think that he washed up in Pensecola.  Recently, I played a little volleyball on a beautiful Florida beach.  Was that you, Wilson?

 

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special Tom Hanks Edition


4 Or More Shots From 4 Or More Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!

Today, the Shattered Lens wishes a happy birthday to Tom Hanks!  It’s time for….

4 Shots From 4 Tom Hanks Films

Big (1988, dir by Tom Hanks, DP: Barry Sonnenfeld)

Apollo 13 (1995, dir by Ron Howard, DP: Dean Cundey)

Cast Away (2000, dir by Robert Zemeckis, DP: Don Burgess)

Captain Phillips (2013, dir by Paul Greengrass, DP: Barry Ackroyd)

 

 

Scenes I Love: The Opening of Shaft


Today would have been the birthday of Richard Roundtree so, of course, today’s scene that I love could only be the classic opening of 1971’s Shaft.

By doing something as simple as walking down a street in New York, Roundtree showed us exactly who Shaft was and why Shaft did what he did.  This is one of those scenes that’s been parodied so many times that it’s actually surprising to rewatch and see how just defiant and sexy Richard Roundtree’s confident strut actually was.

On another note, I enjoy seeing all of the names of the movies that were playing on 42nd Street when this scene was filmed.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.10 “Cranked Up”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, Chris nearly gets everyone killed …. again!

Episode 2.10 “Cranked Up”

(Dir by Corey Michael Eubanks, originally aired on November 3rd, 1996)

The bike cops are taking part in an “eco-relay,” (which I guess is a bicycle race) through the mountains surrounding Santa Monica.  Upon arriving at the park, Chris and Corey spot two rednecks on ATVs.

“Those are illegal in state parks!” Chris says.

And you’re off-duty, Chris.  Seriously, Chris is the most annoying character on this show and that’s kind of amazing when you consider the competition.

Anyway, during the race, Chris spots a meth lab that is being run by those ATV-riding rednecks.  Even though she’s off-duty, doesn’t have a radio, and doesn’t have any way to bring in any backup, she still decides to take down the meth lab herself.  Instead, she gets captured by the rednecks and their girlfriend, Mary Lou (Maddie Corman).  Mary Lou lights a cigarette and Chris yells at her about it.  I’m surprised that they didn’t just give Chris back after having to spend ten minutes with her.

The other bike cops go to search for Chris.  Chris manages to escape on her own but, when she reaches the other bike cops, she explains that the meth lab could have “crank” out on the street by nightfall.  The cops — who are ALL off-duty — decide to take down the lab without bothering to call for back-up.  (Seriously, they could have just called the real police from the finish line.)  The end result is that Cory gets shot (but, luckily, doesn’t die) and all the other cops get captured, including Chris for a second time.  Luckily, Lt. Palermo shows up and rescues everyone.  They don’t win the race but they do take out a meth lab.  Of course, they could have easily won the race and then called the real cop to take out the meth lab afterwards and, as an extra bonus, Cory wouldn’t have gotten shot.

This was a Chris-centric episode, which means that the majority of the episode was divided between Chris bragging about being a badass and Chris complaining about situations that wouldn’t have happened if she wasn’t so freaking incompetent.  This would have been a fun episode CHiPs but, with Pacific Blue, it’s just another reminder that bicyclists are worthless.

One final note: Maddie Corman is the wife of former actor and director Jace Alexander who, in 2015, was arrested for possession and distribution of child pornography.  Corman did not divorce her husband but instead turned the experience of being married to pedophile into a one-woman off-Broadway play and even did a tour of all the morning shows promoting it.  I don’t blame her for her husband’s crimes and I can totally buy her claim that she didn’t know anything about what was on his computer until the police showed up but, still, to then use those crimes to promote herself …. that’s always struck me as being more than a little icky.

Brad’s Video of the Day – “Step by Step” by the New Kids on the Block!


It was the summer of 1990, my last summer as a high schooler, as I would be graduating in the spring of 1991. Our family headed out on vacation. We left Toad Suck, Arkansas on a trek that would eventually lead us to Pigeon Forge, TN. My dad loved to take the scenic route anywhere we went, so the five of us (dad, mom, Donnie, Pam and myself) would always take in a lot of beautiful sights along the way. The first night we stayed in the town of Fort Payne, Alabama, the home community of Randy Owen, Teddy Gentry, and Jeff Cook, better known as country music supergroup, Alabama. The second night we stayed in the community of Ela, North Carolina along a beautiful stream. On the third night, we arrived at our final destination in Pigeon Forge, where we’d spend a few extra days before heading back to Toad Suck. It didn’t matter where we stayed, though, because every night my sister Pam would control the remote and make us watch MTV. You see, we didn’t have cable television in Toad Suck, so this was Pam’s only chance to possibly catch a video of the group she was obsessed with, the New Kids on the Block, and their latest single “Step by Step.” It didn’t matter if the current program was Yo MTV Raps, my sister refused to let go of the remote for fear she would miss her hero, the pelvis thrusting Jordan Knight. Sitting on my deck tonight listening to crickets and watching deer, I started thinking about things I enjoy and those memories came back to me. I don’t care if I’m cool or not, but I sure did enjoy opening up YouTube and watching the “Step by Step” video this evening. I even shared it in my text group with my Mom, brother and sister. We’ve all enjoyed it tonight! Now it’s your turn! 😎🎶