Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 3.8 “Shave and a Haircut, Two Bites”

Posted on February 5, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

Who needs a haircut?

(What is it with today’s reviews and hair?)

Episode 3.8 “Shave and a Haircut, Two Bites”

(Dir by John Strysik, originally aired on November 18th, 1990)

Tom (played by a young Matt LeBlanc) stands in front of an old timey barbershop and remembers when he was a teenager and he learned the truth about the place. His friend, Kevin (Wil Wheaton), lived across the street from the barbershop and was convinced that the two elderly barbers who owned the place were actually vampires. Kevin pointed out the customers were going inside with big jars of blood and then coming with little jars of blood. Tommy remained skeptical. I’m not sure why. Jars of blood are a HUGE red flag. Still, Tommy warned Kevin that if he continued to follow his vampire theory, he would probably get kicked out of all of his honors classes. That was a risk that Kevin was willing to take.

Tommy and Kevin snuck into the barbershop one night and searched for evidence of vampires. Kevin was serious while Tommy treated the whole thing as just being a big joke. They were caught by the two barbers, Mr. Innes (John O’Leary) and Dr. D’Onofrio (Al Mancini), who revealed that they were not vampires. Instead, they were just two guys who worshipped a giant slug creature who lived in the basement. The slug creature stayed alive by drinking the blood that was brought into the barbershop. In return, it offered up a smaller amount of its blood for the donors to drink. The blood apparently allowed to people to live for a very long time. So, I guess they were vampires but not really.

In the present, Tom gets a shave and a haircut and allows Kevin to draw some of his blood. Then Kevin gets in the barber chair and Tom picks up the razor blade. They both have noticeable scars on their neck.

This was an odd episode. It was full of atmosphere and Tom’s voice over contributed to the creepy vibe. It was generally well-acted. Not even Wil Wheaton was too annoying. The premise of the episode was intriguing but the episode’s pay-off fell a little flat. I was happy that the show did something other than vampires but the weird slug creature really wasn’t that compelling either. It felt like something out a Lovecraft short story but Lovecraft’s style of horror always works better when it’s something that the reader has to imagine as opposed to actually seeing. This episode played out like an odd dream. Even the ending feels like a fragment from a bigger narrative that has been lost to time.

Overall, though, I liked this episode and I appreciated the strange atmosphere. Monsters was always the most fun when it was weird and this episode was definitely that.

The Opening of THE LAST OF THE MOHICANS (1992) – one of my favorite scenes.

Posted on February 5, 2025 by Bradley Crain

I can’t let Michael Mann’s 82nd birthday pass without sharing one of my favorite scenes of his filmography. Have y’all ever started watching a movie and immediately knew you were going to love it?! That’s what the opening 4 minutes of THE LAST OF THE MOHICANS did for me. The credits start and the soundtrack reveals the powerful musical theme of the movie as well as its beautiful mountain setting. And then we join Hawkeye (Daniel Day-Lewis), his dad Chingachgook (Russell Means), and his brother Uncas (Eric Schweig) in the middle of their hunt as they’re sprinting through the woods after their prey. They just look so cool running together under Mann’s stylish direction. It’s not even the best scene in the film, but it’s the scene that drew me in and let me know I was in for something special.

Happy Birthday, Michael Mann and thanks for sharing your talent with all of us!

Enjoy this awesome scene, my friends!

Madhouse (1990, directed by Tom Ropelewski)

Posted on February 5, 2025 by Jedadiah Leland

Mark (John Larroquette) and Jessa Bannister (Kirstie Alley) have a perfect yuppie lifestyle going until their respective family members show up at their California home and refuse to leave. First, it’s Mark cousin (John Diehl) and his wife (Jessica Lundy). Then it’s Jessa’s sister, Claudia (Alison LaPlaca), who has just left her husband and now has to find a new man to support her lifestyle. Mark and Jessa just want some time alone but instead, they have to deal with a cat who is frequently mistaken for dead, broken marriages, a shipment of cocaine, and a neighbor (Robert Ginty) who builds weird bed frames. Mark has a big contract to land and Jessa is trying to succeed as a television news reporter but it’s not easy when you’re living in a madhouse.

There are some films that you just like despite yourself and that’s the way I feel about Madhouse. It’s very much an 80s film, with its emphasis on material goods and achieving the perfect lifestyle. (The appearance of Dennis Miller as Mark’s co-worker only reminds us of just how much a product of its era that Madhouse is.) There are a lot of jokes that don’t work and some, like the cat that is continually mistaken for dead, that shouldn’t work but do. It’s a sitcom transferred to the movies and the humor rarely rises above that level. It ever stars two of the decade’s biggest sitcom stars, John Larroquette and Kirstie Alley. Larroquette shows us why he was better suited for television while Alley shows how tragic it was that she didn’t have a bigger film career. Kirstie Alley gives such a dedicated and fearless performance as someone who has been driven to the end of her rope that it keeps you interested in the film. Alley, like the great comedic actresses of Hollywood’s golden age, was an actress who could mix physical comedy with barbed one-liners and who was undeniably appealing as she moved from one disaster to the next. In Madhouse, she was beautiful, frantic, sexy, neurotic, relatable, and funny all at the same time. By the end of this movie, you really do wish she had gotten more and better opportunities to show off her talents in the years after Cheers went off the air.

Madhouse is nothing special. It’s a generic comedy about unwanted family guests. But I’ll always appreciate it for Kirstie Alley.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.16 “Green, But Not Jolly/Past Perfect Love/Instant Family”

Posted on February 5, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, Julie wears a wig!

Episode 5.16 “Green, But Not Jolly/Past Perfect Love/Instant Family”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on January 30th, 1982)

“Where’s Julie?” Captain Stubing demands and he’s got good reason. The Love Boat is only a few minutes away from setting sail. The passengers are checking in and being given directions to their cabins. And yet, Julie McCoy — the cruise director — is nowhere to be seen!

Fire him, Captain! Seriously, she’s been erratic this entire season and she seems to have a permanent cold so it’s time to get a new cruise director.

Julie shows up at the last minute. She reveals that she’s late because she went to see her hair dresser. And now, she’s a platinum blonde! She says that she’s proud of her new look. The rest of the crew pretends to like it. As for those of us watching, it’s hard not to notice that Julie is actually just wearing a very obvious wig.

Watching this episode, I couldn’t help but think about the fact that, according to a documentary about the show that I recently watched on Tubi, Lauren Tewes was dealing with a fairly serious cocaine problem during the fifth season. I don’t say that suggest anything bad about Lauren Tewes. From what I’ve read, cocaine was everywhere in the 80s and she’s hardly the only performer from the time to get into trouble with it. (Tewes, it should be noted, went to rehab and cleaned herself up.) Instead, I point that out because a lot of Julie’s actions during the fifth season seem as if they’re best explained by Julie being under the influence. The moodiness, the impulsivity, the fact that she suddenly doesn’t seem to be all that focused on her job, I think Julie had a problem! Her hair isn’t platinum blonde. It’s cocaine white!

Gopher eventually works up the courage to tell her that her new hair color is not flattering. (And, to be honest, he’s right.) Gopher gives her some hair dye that he picked up — uh oh! — and Julie uses it — JULIE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? — and she wakes up the next morning with green hair. Julie spends the rest of the cruise in her cabin while the rest of the crew feels guilty. Even Vicki has a hard time talking to Julie with her green hair. Then the rest of the cruse decides to die their hair green in solidarity with Julie, just to discover hat Julie’s hair has gone back to its natural color….

Yeah, it’s silly but I kind of enjoyed the storyline. I like stories about the crew and the members of the cast had enough chemistry that they could even carry a story as silly as this one. They’re a fun group to watch.

As for the other two stories, Lynda Day George boards the ship with her hyperactive son (a young Corey Feldman). She meets a high school coach (John Philip Law) who is not scared by her son. This was a predictable story but I’m a horror fan and an Italian movie fan so seeing George, Feldman, and Law interacting made up for any narrative flaws.

The third story starred Bert Convy and Tanya Roberts and it was about reincarnation. I don’t believe reincarnation, mostly because people who claim to remember their past lives never remember anything boring. Instead, they always remember being members of French royalty or the mistress of a Spanish pirate. As for this story, Convy lies and tries to convince Roberts that they were lovers in a past life. But then he has black-and-white visions of a chandelier falling on Roberts. Maybe they were once lovers at another time! Honestly, who cares?

This was an above average cruise. I’m glad Julie finally took off that wig.

SHANE (The TV Series) – Episode 6: Killer in the Valley (originally aired October 15th, 1966)

Posted on February 5, 2025 by Bradley Crain

Episode 6 begins with Shane (David Carradine) and Marian Starett (Jill Ireland) riding their horses out on the far reaches of the ranch. While enjoying the beauty of the land, they come across a very sick man in a wagon. He seems to be running a high fever. As they check into the situation, they find out that the man’s wife is in the back of the wagon dead. Shane realizes that it’s more than likely that the couple has a deadly disease. The man dies shortly after, so they bury them and burn the wagons.

After returning back to the house, Marian starts coming down with a fever of her own. Shane sends Tom Starett (Tom Tully) to Sam’s general store to get quidine, the medicine they will need to treat Marian. Unfortunately, Sam is all out of quidine, so they’ll have to wait until Barney the medicine drummer (Joseph Campanella) gets to town the next day. Tom takes a room in Sam’s hotel to wait. When local cattle rancher, Rufe Ryker (Burt Freed), gets wind of the fact that the Starett’s are needing quidine, he starts asking questions and finds out that Marian is sick. He decides he needs the quidine for his own farm just in case there’s an outbreak in the valley. When Barney the medicine drummer finally arrives in town, he immediately smells money and decides to hold out to the highest bidder, which means the wealthy Ryker will get the supply, leaving the Starett’s and everyone else out in the cold. When Tom reports this to Shane, and with Marian getting worse by the second, Shane decides he’s got to do something to get the medicine Marian needs, even kill if he has to. To hell with Ryker or anyone else who tries to stop him!

This episode of SHANE reminded me of two very specific times in my life when I actually witnessed my fellow man either taking advantage of a terrible situation or panicking in a way that shows complete disregard for their friends and neighbors. The first time was the Arkansas ice storm of 2000. Beginning on Christmas Day of 2000, this once in a century ice storm descended upon our state, resulting in mass electrical outages in our community. I lived in town so my electricity was restored after three long days. I remember hearing of houses “out in the county” that did without electricity for weeks. There was a local business who had an inventory of generators. They promptly doubled the price of their generators and took advantage of their neighbors who were in a critical situation. The second time was when I lived through the COVID epidemic and witnessed people taking every roll of toilet paper and every drop of water they could find from the local grocery stores. Unfortunately the combination of fear, panic, greed and selfishness can bring out the very worst sides of our human nature!

The bad reminders aside, I enjoyed Episode 6 of SHANE. It was nice to see Shane and Marian away from the ranch together just enjoying the afternoon and talking. It was unfortunate that they were interrupted by the plague. It’s also in this episode that we get to see Shane and Marian kiss for the first time. Of course she was delirious with the fever and thinking she was talking to her dead husband Joe, but it was still Shane that she kissed and that counts for something! It was also nice seeing Shane go to town, kick some ass, and reveal the medicine drummer for the greedy coward that he is. And just for good measure, Ryker decided to kick his ass too. I liked that. I’d even go as far as saying that Episode 6 is one of the best episodes of SHANE yet. I’m still enjoying the series and look forward to episode 7!

Scenes That I Love: The Tiger Scene From Manhunter

Posted on February 5, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Since today is Michael Mann’s birthday, today’s scene that I love comes from his 1986 film, Manhunter.

In this scene, a blind woman (played by Joan Allen) pets a sedated tiger while her new boyfriend (Tom Noonan) watches. This would actually be a pretty romantic scene if not for the fact that her boyfriend is also a homicidal maniac. This is a scene that, when you watch the film, seems to come out of nowhere but, when you look back, you realize it was one of the key moments in the narrative. While the killer watches the woman who represents a possible redemption embrace another predator, the profiler played by William Petersen continues his way into the killer’s tortured psyche.

This scene is Michael Mann at his best.

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special Michael Mann Edition

Posted on February 5, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

4 Shots From 4 Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!

Today, we celebrate the 82nd birthday of the great Michael Mann! It’s time for….

4 Shots From 4 Michael Mann Films

Thief (1981, dir by Michael Mann, DP: Donald Thorin)

Manhunter (1986, dir by Michael Mann, DP: Dante Spinotii)

Heat (1995, dir by Michael Mann, DP: Dante Spinotti)

Public Enemies (2009, dir by Michael Mann, DP: Dante Spinotti)

Song of the Day: Night Train to Mundo Fine by John Carradine

Posted on February 5, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

On this date, 119 years ago, the great actor John Carradine was born in New York City.

Over the course of his career, Carradine worked for just about everyone. He appeared on stage. He appeared in film and television. He played the great roles of Shakespeare and he also played Dracula. He was a part of both the John Ford and the Fred Olen Ray stock companies. He had a reputation for taking almost any role offered to him and, as a result, his huge filmography offers up a wonderful amount of variety.

He was also a singer! Here he is performing today’s song of the day, Night Train to Mundo Fine! This song was featured Coleman Francis’s Red Zone Cuba. Say what you may about the song or the film, how can you not love Carrdine’s dramatic (and perhaps slightly mocking) delivery of the lyrics?