This is one of the most awesome things I have sat through in my entire life. It’s mindless entertainment with frantic editing and cinematography that helps to keep an intense pace. Cüneyt Arkin kicks massive amounts of ass and I don’t care how old he is, he should be in the next Expendables movie. The soundtrack is so epic that you could play it over Moses parting the Red Sea in The Ten Commandments or one of those battles made up of a cast of thousands. I even landed a version that clearly had machine translated subtitles which means I sort of get what was going on, but they say it in the most hilarious way possible. The only issue to say up front is that if you get motion sickness easily, then maybe this isn’t for you because the camera points upward and spins. Not too often, but combined with everything else, it might get you. Otherwise, stop reading now and just go watch it. Turn off your brain and just enjoy.

For those of you who actually want to read about this film first, here we go!

The movie opens up on a house party which is soon invaded by a gang that I will probably see again when I watch Turkish Mad Max. They are looking for somebody and they aren’t going to leave even when one of the people tells them to “get out you fuckers!!!” There’s a fair amount violence here before it cuts to a pair of panties on a woman. She just turns and leaves the room where a guy comes in, wakes a guy up, and kicks him to death.

Now comes one of the oddest scenes in the movie. A lady who is in several of these Turkish movies is driving a car with a child and an old man. They come across what appear to be dead bodies. But then they get up and come towards the car after them. And by come after them, I mean they totally act like zombies.

The only reason I know they weren’t actually zombies is because the leader of that gang finally calls them off of her. It’s the weirdest thing in this movie. You keep wondering are they trying to rape her or literally take a bite out of her. It’s not clear what was going on in this scene even after you find out they’re not zombies.

After the camera gets knocked on it’s side…

and she introduces this guy’s chest to a branch…

we cut to Cüneyt Arkin playing this movie’s Rambo named Riza. He is being walked in handcuffs by two soldiers. They try to help out. It leaves her free to show up later in the film, and Riza to do the leave town scene from First Blood. But first, we are introduced to the main villain of the movie.

Best I can figure is that he comes from Riza’s military past, is a bit of a gangster, and has a personal grudge with Riza. I think Riza was involved with the death or maiming of his son or someone he cared for, which is why he was being taken to court. It’s also why his gang seemed to be trying to eliminate any witnesses that could derail the upcoming court case for him.

Now Riza is walking down the road and passes the gang. They tell him to leave and he doesn’t. In fact he walks behind them as they drive away and seems to be able to walk as fast as they can drive. They turn around, but the way it’s done it does make it look like he magically transported in front of them. Now they take him to some ruins. This is when we get some of those glorious subtitles.

Then they beat him. This is the equivalent to the scene in First Blood where they pull the razor out to shave him and Rambo flips out. This scene is actually done quite well as it cuts from Riza tied up and cut in flashback to them beating him in the present, while a shot of his unflinching face is zoomed in on.

Arkin is pretty intimating and you know these guys are in trouble. Then this happens.

He breaks free and apparently there is a heavily forested area nearby. They follow him into the forest and we do the whole jumping off the cliff thing. It cuts him up, but he’s fine. He’s Cüneyt Arkin. The man punches rocks.

See! He’s fine. He just got hit by some ketchup on the way down. Now we meet this movie’s Colonel Trautman.

He is trying to deal with the villain of the movie who isn’t listening. The guy tries to tell him he has hundred of witnesses, but Trautman says witnesses are for sale. It doesn’t matter what he says because this guy says “Riza was convicted and he is outlaw now.”

After emerging from leaves and rolling from one part of the forest into another, he kills and eats a crab that is stock footage one minute, then actually there.

Next we meet this guy who isn’t happy with Riza as you can see. I’m not sure if he is supposed to be the son of the bad guy who he said was dead or is just somebody else who is angry with Riza. Regardless,

To which the guy responds “I have to see his carcass clad. I’m a dead, everybody will die!”

Now Riza finds himself in a cave that I’m pretty sure is Superman’s lair from The Return Of Superman. The director of that film was even involved in the production of this movie. Guy still has an unfortunate first name. Especially when this film is introduced in the opening credits as a Kunt Film.

Anyways, after angry no arms and legs guy kills a guy with a bomb and Riza cuts something off his skin with a knife, the film really starts to get manic with it’s editing. Riza is digging in, Trautman is beginning his search for Riza, and the gang head into the forest some more to get themselves killed. I know The Cinema Snob review of this already mentioned it, but seriously, sometimes it does look like Cüneyt Arkin is posing for the epic soundtrack.

Meanwhile, more bad subtitles.

Now that Riza has a walkie talkie, they start to try and reach out to him, but he basically ignores them. He hears someone and throws the knife and pins the girl from the beginning of the movie against a tree. After unpinning her we get a scene that rivals Black Widow being captured for what felt like three minutes in Avengers: Age Of Ultron (2015).

Riza just walks up that tiny little incline, but she seems to be having all the trouble in the world. You’d think she has something wrong with her leg or something that could explain this, but I didn’t catch anything. She was standing before, and stands up the second he gives her his hand. I get why we see her bathe in a river though. She’s beautiful and she could use a little wash after the attack at the beginning of the film. Then she gets out of the water and walks over to Riza and the epic music kicks in. It’s hilarious. Think he’s going to do anything about it. Nope. It just cuts to her dressed and they eat. There’s a lot of sudden cuts in this movie.

Time to go back to the bad guy who does a great job playing a really deliriously angry man who wants Riza dead. That, and more hilarious subtitled lines.

To borrow from The New York Dolls song Stranded In The Jungle: Meanwhile, back in the jungle. Riza is wearing a bush, then we cut to the girl in the caves. It’s supposed to be rain on the outside of the caves, but it sounds more like some monster is scratching at the walls to come and get her. That, or rocks falling from the sky. But then Riza shows up and suddenly those effects go away. Now they try some more to get in touch with Riza on the radio. Then he and the girl have a brief exchange in which we find out some more about Riza.

It’s all clear to me now. Actually he does go on to say “a war between good and bad but who is the good?”

At this point, it’s basically non-stop action. So let’s just do some highlights.

Now the bad guys have Riza and the girl corned in a cave. They bring in a bulldozer, a giant hammer, and explosives to try and kill him. It does kill her, but Cüneyt Arkin of course emerges from the rubble.

He now does this mad run where he slits the throats of each person he meets basically without stopping.

They try to drive away, but you can’t escape Cüneyt Arkin. He’ll just grab onto the car, which he does. Then he has a final battle with the gang leader.

Now Riza just has the big bad guy to deal with and the maimed guy. Riza just shoots the bad guy in the head after giving him some parting words. Then we finally learn what this armless and legless guy’s problem is with Riza.

Riza and this guy were fighting in a desert with the camera on it’s side. The guy got ahold of some water, drank it, then ran into a minefield. The guy tries to blow him up, but Riza figures it out and it’s the guy who blows up instead. With everyone dead, Riza is apparently a free man now, and he walks away from the townsfolk and Trautman.

He truly became “honoured wild blood.”

Nothing I can say about this can do it justice. I’ve seen The Cinema Snob review numerous times and even it doesn’t do it justice using actual clips from it. You’ve got to see it to believe it. It’s so much 80s action fun. Also, it’s honestly pretty well put together. It does a great job of keeping the crazy pace and that soundtrack will periodically kick in to give you dose of adrenaline. Whether you find it with subtitles or not, just see it.