Retro Television Review: Homicide: Life on The Street 1.7 “A Dog and Pony Show”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC!  It  can be viewed on Peacock.

This week, everyone gets something to do!

Episode 1.7 “A Dog and Pony Show”

(Dir by Alan Taylor, originally aired on March 10th, 1993)

Still struggling to accept their failure to get the arraber to confess to the murder of Adena Watson, Bayliss and Pembleton find themselves investigating another mysterious death.  Jake, a healthy and apparently beloved member of the Baltimore police, has been found dead in a park.  No one is sure about the cause of death but Pembleton suspects that Jake may have been poisoned.  When Pembleton asks Jake’s partner (played by Nick Olcott) if Jake had any enemies, he replies, “Maybe just the Pekingese next door.”

Pembleton is determined to solve the mystery of Jake’s death.  Bayliss is less concerned with the case, largely because Jake was a dog.  Of course, as a member of a K-9 unit, Jake was also a member of the force.  Because Jake was a member of law enforcement, the Homicide unit is required to investigate his death.  Bayliss thinks that Pembleton’s interest in the case is just trying to show Bayliss up in front of Giardello but Pembleton claims that his only concer is seeing that justice is done.  Add to that, Pembleton just happens to like dogs.

And Pembleton does solve the case.  It turns out that Jake got loose and was picked up by an overworked animal control officer (Joy Ehrlich) who, back at the pound, mixed Jake up with another dog who was scheduled to be put down.  She only realized her mistake after Jake died.  In a panic, she dumped Jake’s body in the park.  Having solved Jake’s death, Pembleton and Bayliss attend his funeral.  As Jake’s partner dumps Jake’s ashes into a lake, Bayliss suddenly gets emotional.  He explains that he’s thinking about Adena.  Pembleton, for once, shows some sympathy for Bayliss.  It looks like the two are finally starting to bond and become true partners.  All it took was the death of one dog.  (I’m getting teary-eyed just writing that sentence.)

Meanwhile, Bolander continues to stress out about his relationship with Carol, which is a subplot that I find less and less interesting with each episode in which it is featured.  This time, Bolander and Munch take Carol’s teenage son, Danny (Stivi Paskoski), on a ride-along.  Bolander is disturbed at just how excited Danny gets about seeing a dead body.  When Danny says that he’d love to commit a murder and get away with it, Bolander decides that the kid is mentally disturbed.  He also lets Carol know that he thinks Danny is a bit sick in the head.  I get the feeling this relationship is not going to last much longer and that’s fine with me because Bolander’s love life (or lack thereof) is honestly the least interesting part of this show so far.

While all of that is going on, Crosetti tries to comfort the now blind Chris Thormann, who does not react well to the news that his wife (played by Edie Falco) is pregnant.  I’m not really a huge fan of the Thormann storyline, largely because I find it to be almost unbearably depressing.  But I do have to say that Jon Polito, Lee Tergesen, and Edie Falco all really gave great performance in this episode.

Howard and Felton investigate the murder of a drug dealer’s girlfriend.  This storyline was pretty typical of what you’d expect to see on a cop show.  The most interesting thing about it was the presence of Lawrence Gilliard, Jr. as an associate of the suspect.  Years later, Gilliard would play the tragic D’Angelo Barksdale on the first two seasons of The Wire, a show that feels like a direct descendant of Homicide.  (And, indeed, Richard Belzer did have a cameo as John Munch during The Wire‘s final season so the two shows do take place in the same universe, though it should be made clear that Gilliard is not playing D’Angelo in this episode.)

Finally, a retiring shift commander (played by Michael Constantine) warned Giardello that the bosses want to force out all of the veteran commanders so that they can be replaced by younger men.  As usual, Kotto shined in the role of Giardello, playing him as being the ideal boss.  In a police force where almost everyone else seems to be looking out for themselves, Giardello genuinely cares about the people working under him.

After the emotional intensity of the previous episode, A Dog and Pony Show feels a bit more like a traditional crime show.  It’s definitely an ensemble piece, with everyone getting something to do.  (Even Lewis gets to help out Felton and Howard while his usual partner, Crosetti, tends to Thormann.)  Though this episode doesn’t grab the viewer in the same way as the previous few episodes, it still gives the cast a chance to show off their strengths and it still features enough unexpected moments of mordant wit to keep things from getting too bleak.  (It’s hard not to smile at Bayliss and Pembleton bickering over dogs or at Yaphet Kotto’s delivery of the line, “I’m starting to dislike both of you.”)  This episode shows that, even with a somewhat conventional episode, Homicide could still get the job done without sacrificing its own unique identity.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Check It Out! 2.20 “The Son Also Rises”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

I don’t even know where to start this week.

Episode 2.20 “The Son Also Rises”

(Dir by Stuart Gillard, originally aired on March 8th, 1987)

For what seems like the 100th time since I started watching the second season of this show, Edna is going on vacation.  Technically, she’s going to be taking a computer course but everyone refers to it as being a vacation.  Not that it matters because, knowing this show, we’ll never hear another word about this class that Edna is taking or the promotion that she’s hoping to get.

No sooner has Edna left then Howard’s ex-girlfriend, Molly Maguire (Diana Barrington), shows up.  As Howard explains it to his employees (though why they would care, I have no idea), Molly was the great love of Howard’s life when he was in college and studying hotel management.  (We often hear about all of these wonderful things that Howard did in the past, which leads me to wonder why, in his mid-50s, he’s just the manager of a middling grocery store in Canada.) Howard is excited to reconnect with Molly.  It’s hard not to notice that, for all the episodes that have portrayed Howard as being the perfect boyfriend, he always tries to hook up with someone else whenever Edna is out of town.  Oddly, it appears that none of her friends at the store have ever told Edna that Howard isn’t particularly faithful when she’s away.

(Remember when Howard threw a snit fit over Edna having dinner with her ex-husband?  Seems kind of hypocritical, no?)

Howard’s plan to hook up with Molly is to invite her over to his apartment and to have Viker dress up like a butler in order to fool her into thinking that he’s rich.  However, when Molly shows up, she reveals that she doesn’t want to rekindle any sort of romance with Howard.  Instead, she wants Howard to give her child support because, according to Molly, he’s the father of her “teenage” son, Mickey (Keith Knight).

(Teenage is in quotes because, despite everything that Howard and Molly say to the contrary, Mickey is clearly not a teenager.  Actor Keith Knight, who appeared in a number of classic Canadian films including My Bloody Valentine and Class of 1984, was 31 years old when he appeared in this episode.)

Howard and Mickey bond.  Mickey turns out to be a pretty nice and intelligent “kid” and Howard starts to think that maybe he would like to be a father.  (Good luck explaining any of this to Edna, Howard.)  Howard worries about paying child support.  Leslie the cashier offers to loan him the money.  (What?)  But then Molly shows up and reveals that — ha ha! — Howard’s not Mickey’s father after all.  She just said that to get some money from Howard but since Howard obviously doesn’t have any money, never mind.

Well, that was …. interesting.  Seriously, what a weird episode.  Howard’s a jerk and, after bonding with 30-something Mickey, he discovers that he’s not Mickey’s father.  Edna comes back from her trip and asks Howard if anything happened while she was gone.  Howard says he doesn’t know where to start.  Roll credits!  There have been many inconsequential episodes of Check It Out! but none as inconsequential as this.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 11/10/24 — 11/16/24


I got caught up with a few shows this week.  Here’s my thoughts on what I watched.

Accused (Tuesday Night, Fox)

I watched the three most recent episodes of Accused this week.  The road rage episode had its good moments and it kept my guessing, though I would have appreciated a bit more of a twist at the end.  The episode with Nick Cannon was so bad that it felt like a parody of woke programming.  (It’s kind of funny how everyone apparently just agreed to forget about Cannon’s history of making anti-Semitic statements.)  The episode with Michael Chiklis as the wrestling coach was much better, though I kept expecting the coach to reveal that he was actually the wrestler’s father.  That would have been a neat twist.

Accused is an uneven show but it’s pretty interesting when it works.  And when it doesn’t work, it’s interesting in an entirely different way.

American Sports Story: Aaron Hernandez (Tuesday Night, FX)

As I’ve said before, this miniseries started out strong but, as so often happens with these Ryan Murphy-produced true crime things, it went downhill quickly.  The final episode was perhaps the worst of the series, if just because it tried to turn Hernandez into some sort of victim.  I have no doubt CTE played some role in his actions but so what?  In the end, at least one man is dead because of Aaron Hernandez.  Ask Odin Lloyd’s family if they care about Aaron Hernandez’s struggle to adjust to living in prison.  I don’t care if he felt uncomfortable with his sexuality.  I don’t care if he was put under tremendous pressure by his coaches.  I don’t care if he was molested when he was a child.  Aaron Hernandez made his decisions and he suffered the consequences and the last thing he deserves is sympathy.

Baywatch Nights (YouTube)

I reviewed Baywatch Nights here!

Check It Out! (Tubi)

My review of Check It Out! will be posting shortly.

CHiPs (Freevee)

I reviewed CHiPs here.  I had a bit of panic when I read the Freevee was shutting down, as I’ve still got many episodes of CHiPs to review and watch.  I’ve been told, however, the shows on Freevee will also be “free” on Prime.  We’ll see!  I’m nor sure that I would want to pay money just for the chance to watch Erik Estrada.

Friday the 13th: The Series (YouTube)

You can read my latest review of Friday the 13th here!

Hell’s Kitchen (Thursday Night, Fox)

My heart broke for Anthony this week!  I took some comfort that Chef Ramsay seemed to be just as said as I was to watch Anthony go.  I was glad Anthony was allowed to keep his jacket.

Highway to Heaven (Hulu)

I reviewed Highway to Heaven here!

Inmate To Roommate (Hulu)

Earlier this year, I enjoyed what I saw of the second season of this A&E show.  (When my Dad had his accident, I stopped watching Inmate to Roommate because taking care of my Dad took priority over any television show.)  This week, I decided to watch the first season of the show on Hulu.  The first season felt a bit more staged than the second season.  If the second season had a raw authenticity to it, the first season was marred by too many scenes that were obviously just done for the cameras.  Still, I appreciate any show that encourages people to give ex-convicts a chance to prove themselves.

Jake Paul vs Mike Tyson (Netflix)

I watched a little of this with Jeff on Friday night.  I was pretty bored with it but at least it was filmed in Texas.  That said, due to my obligations as the hostess of #FridayNightFlix, I stopped watching before either Jake or Tyson left their dressing rooms.  Jeff wrote about the fight here and here!

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I reviewed The Love Boat here1

Malibu CA (YouTube)

For my sins, I reviewed Malibu, CA here!

Miami Vice (Prime)

I reviewed Miami Vice here!

Monsters (YouTube)

I reviewed Monsters here!

Rockin’ Ronny (Night Flight Plus)

This special originally aired in 1986.  It featured a collection of clips from Ronald Reagan’s movies, mixed in with footage of him as president.  Obviously, the show was meant to poke fun at and be critical of Reagan but it didn’t really work.  Rather than coming across as being any of the bad things that this special seemed to be trying to suggest that he was, Ronald Reagan just came across as being a likable old man.  Certainly, he seemed more presidential than any of the folks we’ve recently elected here.

Say Nothing (Hulu)

I am about halfway through this new miniseries about The Troubles in Northern Ireland.  So far, it’s been a powerful few hours.  I’ll share more of my thoughts after I’ve watched the remaining episodes.

St. Elsewhere (Hulu)

I reviewed St. Elsewhere here!

Welcome Back, Kotter (Prime)

I can’t believe I’m paying money for this show.  You can read my latest review here!

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 4.8 “X-Rated Education”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime.

This week, Gabe Kaplan is missing.

Episode 4.8 “X-Rated Education”

(Dir by Norman Abbott, originally aired on October 28th, 1978)

Epstein, because he’s apparently the only student who works in the audio-visual department, is setting up the projector in the classroom so that it can be used to show a sex education film.  Carvelli and Wilbur enter the room and announce that they have a pornographic film that they want to watch.  Horshack and Washington then show up and decide that they want to watch the movie as well, even though Horshack doesn’t seem to be quite sure what an adult film actually is.

(Horshack also now appears to now be about 50 years old.  The Sweathogs are aging …. fast!)

Epstein says that they can use a different projector to watch the pornographic film.  The Sweathogs and Carvelli head off to the storage closet while Julie takes the first projector to the office so that she can show the sex ed film to a bunch of parents who are not sure they want their children taking sex ed.

You can guess what happens, can’t you?  The two films get mixed up.  The Sweathogs end up watching the tame sex ed film.  Horshack becomes obsessed with the butterfly that is featured in the film.  The protesting parents watch the adult film and demand that both Julie and Woodman be fired.  Can Julie talk Epstein into explaining what happened even though it’ll mean that Epstein will be running the risk of being expelled?  Much like Horshack, Epstein appears to be 50 years old in this episode so maybe getting expelled would be good for him at this point.

This episode raises a simple question.  Is it really an episode of Welcome Back, Kotter if Kotter isn’t around to be welcomed back?  Gabe Kotter is not in this episode and his absence is neither mentioned nor explained.  (Off-screen, Gabe Kaplan was not happy with the show’s direction and refused to appear in all but a handful of season four’s episodes.)  It’s a shame because the plot of this episode does actually feel like a throw back to the type of first and second season episodes that Kaplan usually did quite well with.  Instead of Kaplan’s understanding but firm Gabe Kotter, we get Julie telling Epstein to tell the truth and negotiating with the parents.  Julie now works at the school but I’m not totally sure what her job is actually supposed to be.  Sometimes, she appears to just be Woodman’s administrative assistant.  Other times, she appears to be a guidance counselor.  Sometimes, she’s a teacher.  Julie usually gives good advice but she’s an outsider and it’s obvious that, unlike her husband, she would never consider herself to be a Sweathog.  Whereas Gabe talks to the Sweathogs, Julie often seems to be talking down to them.

This episode also suffers due to the fact that Barbarino is not present, even though the idea of the Sweathogs watching a sex education film seems like a classic Barbarino plot.  Robert Hegyes is the main Sweathog now.  He was a good actor but he was also way too old, at this point, to be playing a high school student.  Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs continues to be underused and Ron Pallilo performance as Horshack has grown more and more grating as the fourth season has progressed.

In the end, only John Sylvester White’s unhinged performance as Woodman remains a consistent source of laughs on this show.  Woodman is not quite as antagonistic towards Julie as he is towards Gabe but his constant bitterness is still a lot of fun to watch.  Maybe they should have renamed this show Welcome  Back, Woodman.

Anyway, this was another fourth season episode that fell flat because the Sweathogs and Julie all seemed like they would rather be anywhere than appearing on Welcome Back, Kotter.  Seriously …. let the Sweathogs graduate!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 2.18 “A Friend To The End”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!

This week, it’s two stories for the price of one!

Episode 2.18 “A Friend To The End”

(Dir by David Morse, originally aired on April 17th, 1989)

Before I say anything else about this episode, I should make clear that I’ve been watching Friday the 13th on YouTube.  Every episode has been uploaded and 99% of the uploads are clean and clear and easy to follow.  Unfortunately, this episode was the exception.  The sound quality was terrible.  The image was often blurry.  I’m not sure why this episode — and none of the other uploaded episodes — was so bad but it was bad enough that I occasionally struggled to follow the plot.  That’s not the fault of the show.  It’s just that the video that was uploaded to YouTube was really bad.  While I think I got the gist of the episode, I should still make clear that I watched it under less than ideal conditions.

This episode actually tells two stories.  With Jack out of town, Micki and Ryan are trying to retrieve the Shard of Medusa, a crystal that turns people into statues.  DeJager (Donna Goodhand) is the artist who currently owns the shard and who is using it to turn her models into stone.  What’s interesting about this story is that, when the episode begins, we join in medias res.  Micki and Ryan already know that DeJager has the shard and they’re already making a plan for Micki to go undercover as a model.

Unfortunately, they’re so busy trying to get back the shard that they don’t really have time to look after J.B. (Zachary Bennett), Micki’s young nephew who keeps getting left at the antique store while his newly-divorced mother runs off with her latest boyfriend.  (Interestingly, Ryan scornfully asks Micki about “your sister,” but since Micki is Ryan’s cousin, wouldn’t Micki’s sister also be his cousin?)  While Micki and Ryan are busy trying to get back the shard, J.B. is breaking into a nearby haunted house and befriending a troubled boy named Ricky (Keram Malicki-Sanchez).  What J.B. does not know is that Ricky is actually a living dead boy who is kept alive by a cursed coffin.  In order to continue to live, Ricky has to sacrifice people to the coffin.  Ricky isn’t happy about this.  He just wants a friend.  J.B. is willing to be that friend but what will happen when Ricky, desperately in need of a new sacrifice, turns his gaze towards Micki?

One of the strange things about this episode is that, when J.B. tells Micki and Ryan about Ricky, they both assume that he’s just making something up.  After everything Micki and Ryan have seen, would they really be so skeptical about J.B. claiming to have met a ghost in a long-abandoned house?  The other interesting thing about this episode is that the two storylines didn’t really intersect, beyond the fact that J.B. felt neglected because Micki and Ryan were spending so much time trying to get the shard.  At one point, DeJager breaks into the store and briefly grabs J.B. but that’s something that probably would have happened regardless of whether or not J.B. had ever met Ricky.

Did this episode work?  I’m hesitant to give a final verdict because of the poor quality of the upload.  That said, Keram Malicki-Sanchez gave a good performance as the tragic Ricky and I appreciated how all of the stuff with DeJager almost played out like a good-natured parody of a typical Friday the 13th episode.  Bad upload and all, this episode worked for me.

Finally, seeing as how I reviewed St. Elsewhere earlier today, I simply have to note that this episode was directed by Dr. Jack Morrison himself, David Morse.

 

Retro Television Review: St. Elsewhere 1.2 “Bypass”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988.  The show can be found on Hulu!

This week, William Daniels claims the show as his own.

Episode 1.2 “Bypass”

(Dir by Thomas Carter, originally aired on November 9th, 1982)

“Hey, it’s Tim Robbins!”

Yes, the future Oscar winner shows up in the second episode of St. Elsewhere, playing a rich kid-turned-terrorist named Andrew Reinhardt.  Reinhardt, who no doubt learned all about Marxism during his first semester away at college, set off a bomb in a bank, killing two people and putting a woman named Kathleen McCallister into a coma.  Both Reihnhardt and McCallister have been brought to St. Eligius.  While Kathleen’s husband, Stephen (Jack Bannon), sobs in the hallway, Reinhardt acts like a petulant brat in his hospital room.

With the nurses refusing to change his sheets or even give him his morphine shots, it falls to Dr. Morrison to take care of him.  Reinhardt is not at all appreciative and Morrison finds himself conflicted.  How is he supposed to give proper medical treatment to someone who he despises?  Morrison is so conflicted that he even goes to Dr. Westphall.  Westphall responds by telling a long story about a time that he fell in love with a patient.  I’m getting the feeling that Morrison feeling conflicted and Westphall telling long stories are both going to be regular features on this show.

(The correct answer to Morrison’s question about how he can take care of a bad person is as follows: It’s your job and you’re getting paid to do it.)

This episode also gave the viewer a chance to get to know Dr. Craig, the very talented but very egotistical head of surgery who is played by the great William Daniels.  Dr. Craig holds a press conference to inform reporters about the conditions of both Reinhardt and Kathleen McCallister and declares that, despite its bad reputation, “St. Eligius is the place to be!”  He then proceeds to get angry when the press is more interested in talking to the surgeon who actually saved Kathleen’s life than to him.

Dr. Craig browbeats a Mr. Broadwater (Robert Costanzo) into getting bypass surgery done.  The surgery appears to have been a success but it’s hard to ignore that Craig essentially bullied the guy into getting a major operation, one that could have killed him if the least little thing had gone wrong.  Resident Victor Ehrlich (Ed Begley, Jr.) assists in the operation and, at one point, Dr. Craig intentionally head butts him when Ehrlich cannot name all of the arteries leading into the heart.  It’s a bit aggressive but, on the plus side, Ehrlich does learn all of the names.  Afterwards, Dr. Craig brags about how his own son is following in his footsteps and tells Mr. Broadwater’s son that some day, a new Dr. Craig will operate on him.  In other words, Dr. Craig is kind of a jerk but he’s good at what he does and he’s played by William Daniels so it’s hard to hold anything against him.

There were other subplots playing out in the background, the majority of which just seemed to be there to remind us that St. Elsewhere is an ensemble show and that, just because someone isn’t a major character in this episode, that doesn’t mean they won’t be important later on.  Psychiatrist Hugh Beale (G.W. Bailey) attempted to learn how to swim and ended up taking a class with a bunch of children.  Dr. Fiscus (Howie Mandel, the least convincing doctor ever) held court in the cafeteria and claimed that the hormones used in processing food were causing children to develop earlier than ever before.  Dr. Peter White (Terrence Knox) wandered around with a bunch of X-rays and begged everyone he met to help him understand what he was (or wasn’t) seeing.  If nothing else, this episode did a good job of capturing the idea of the hospital as being a place that’s always busy.

For the most part, though, it was Dr. Craig who carried this episode.  While Morrison and Westphall ponderously considered the implications of doing their jobs, Craig was an arrogant, angry, and brilliant dynamo and William Daniels’s high-energy performance was a pleasure to watch.  Whenever the episode started to slow down, Dr. Craig would liven things up by yelling at someone.  The hospital was lucky to have Dr. Craig and St. Elsewhere was lucky to have William Daniels.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 3.1 and 3.2 “A Special Love”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee and several other services!

This week, we start season 3 of Highway to Heaven!

Episodes 3.1 and 3.2 “A Special Love”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on September 24th and October 1st, 1986)

The third season of Highway to Heaven opens with a two-parter.

A Special Love is centered around Jonathan and Mark working at the Special Olympics and meeting a developmentally disabled child named Todd Bryant (played by a 15 year-old Paul Walker …. yes, that Paul Walker).  Given up by his parents (who only did so when told by their doctors that they would never be able to give Todd the care that he needed), Todd lives in a group home and desperately wants to be a part of a family.  Can Mark and Jonathan help Todd find the confidence to compete in the Special Olympics?  Can they reunite Todd with his older brother (played by none other than Josh Brolin), who just happens to be a coach with the Special Olympics?  And can they make his dream of being adopted come true?  You already know the answers.  This is Highway to Heaven, after all.

This is also a Scotty episode.  Scotty (played by James Troesh) is a paraplegic attorney who is married to Mark’s cousin, Diane (Margie Impert).  Scotty and Diane appeared in several episodes during the first three seasons of Highway to Heaven.  Every Scotty episode follows the same basic pattern.  Mark and Jonathan drop in on Scotty and Diane.  Scotty is feeling happy and optimistic about his future.  Then, something happens that derails whatever Scotty’s latest plan is.  Scotty gets upset and tells everyone to leave him alone.  Diane says that she can’t deal with him anymore.  While Mark comforts Diane, Jonathan tells Scotty to stop feeling for himself.  Scotty eventually apologizes.  Everything works out in the end.

Though the Scotty episodes were always predictable, I do think that Highway to Heaven deserved some credit for never turning Scotty into a saint.  Too many films and television shows tend to use disabled characters as idealized props who exists only to impress everyone with their upbeat attitude and homespun wisdom.  They show up.  They say a few words of wisdom that serve to inspire the lead character.  And then they’re never seen again.  They often exist only to help the star and their lives are never explored beyond how the lead character relates to them.  Scotty, on the other hand, was frequently angry about being a paraplegic.  Even when his life was going well, Scotty would get understandably frustrated.  Scotty was not always perfect.  He made mistakes, just like anyone else would have.  What’s important is that, in the end, he always tried to do the right thing.  James Troesch, a real-life paraplegic, was not the best actor in the world but, as was so often the case with Highway to Heaven, he played the role with such sincerity that it didn’t matter that he often sounded stiff while delivering his lines.  He brought a lot of humanity to the role.

In this episode, Scotty is upset because he has just learned that he and Diane will never be able to have children.  When both Jonathan and Diane suggest adopting Todd, Scotty bitterly refuses.  Scotty claims that, due to his disability, he wouldn’t be able to properly take care of Todd.  However, when Todd announces that he’s going to win a race at the Special Olympics to prove that he’s worthy of being adopted, Scotty realizes that he’s just using his disability as an excuse to not face up to his own fears.  Scotty and Diane decide to adopt Todd.  Unfortunately, Todd’s parents suddenly decide that they don’t want another family to adopt Todd.  They want Todd to say in the group home where he is currently living.  It leads to a teary-eyed courtroom showdown.  It also leads to a happy ending.  Again, was there ever any doubt?

The story may have been melodramatic but this was still a touching episode and a good example of how Highway to Heaven‘s earnest sincerity helped the show overcome plot twists that could have been mawkish in the wrong hangs.  The first hour is especially touching, as it’s largely a tribute to the Special Olympics and the athletes involved.  There’s a lot of negative things that can be said about the Kennedy family and their impact on American political culture but Eunice Kennedy Shriver deserves all of the credit and praise in the world for founding the Special Olympics.  This episode did make me cry and it earned every tear.

Retro Television Review: Malibu CA 1.18 “The Dude of Love”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Someday, I’ll finish this show and move on to something good….

Episode 1.18 “The Dude of Love”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on February 21st, 1999)

This week, on Malibu, CA, Jason has a crush on a girl named Holly (Kristen Miller).  Holly, however, is already dating someone else.  She says that her boyfriend is an accountant and is too obsessed with work.

Does Jason:

  1. accept that Holly is not single and move on
  2. accept thar Holly is not single and wait to see what happens with her current relationship, or
  3. act like a sociopathic little bitch?

If you guessed the third answer, you obviously know your Malibu, CA!

Needless to say, Jason acting like a sociopathic little bitch is hardly a new occurrence.  When this show originally started, I thought that Scott was the more unlikable of the two main characters.  He was just so smarmy and self-satisfied.  But, as this season has progressed, I’ve come to realize that Scott is just a dumb frat boy who is trying to enjoy himself before his mid-life crisis hits.  Jason is so just as smarmy and self-satisfied as Scott but he’s also whiny and that makes him a hundred times more annoying.

(Another annoying thing is that, whenever Jason breaks the fourth wall and talks directly to the audience, he always awkwardly pauses before delivering his lines because the actor is obviously waiting for someone off-camera to cue him.  This was especially noticeable in this episode.)

Jason’s plan, as usual, involves manipulating Murray.  Murray has been hired to provide surfing updates on the local radio station (which broadcasts straight from the beach because there’s no way Peter Engel was going to pay for an extra set).  Jason announces that he’s going to be Murray’s producer.  Under Jason’s direction, Murray becomes “The Dude of Love,” offering up advise to lovelorn surfers.

First, Jason convinces Holly that she should call the Dude of Love for advice.

Then he convinces Murray that he’s sick so that Murray will stay home and Jason will able to take Holly’s call.  Jason does an imitation of Murray and tells Holly to dump her boyfriend.  Since the radio show is being broadcast literally from the beach, everyone can see Jason pretending to be Murray so I’m not really sure how this plan is supposed to work.

Anyway, Holly does not dump her boyfriend and it turns out that he’s not only an accountant but also a weight-lifter.  The accountant wants to beat up Murray so Jason confesses the truth.  The accountant tells Jason to stay away from Holly and to always save his receipts.  Okay, the receipt thing was kind of funny.

Meanwhile, Stads, Scott, and Mr. Collins deal with Honest Ernie (Ricky Paull Goldin), a conman who sold the beach to Tracy.  Of course, no one can sell the beach because it’s public property.  Honest Ernie also sells fake baseball cards.  Anyway, I’m not going to to waste my time detailing this dumb B-plot but the gang tricks Honest Ernie into buying a plot of land in Texas that doesn’t exist.  Tracy gets her money back.  Yay!

(That’s still technically fraud but whatever.)

Even by the standards of this show, this was a dumb episode.  Murray deserves better friends.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 2.22 “The Gift”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

This week, Abe Vigoda and Brad Greenquist star as two criminals who discover that they have an unexpected visitor in the basement of their cabin.

Episode 2.22 “The Gift”

(Dir by Jeffrey Wolf, originally aired on May 20th, 1990)

Two low-life criminals, Sid (Abe Vigoda) and his protege, Kirby (Brad Greenquist), show up at a cabin in the mountains.  They have a rich kid named Jeffrey (Zach Overton) with them.  They’ve kidnapped Jeffrey from his exclusive private school and they are planning to hold him until they get paid several million dollars.

Wanting to keep the kid comfortable, Sid tells Kirby to look in the basement for blankets.  Kirby doesn’t find any blankets but he does a find a mysterious wolfman.  Kirby shoots the wolfman twice but the wolfman survives.  Kirby then chains up both Jeffrey and the Wolfman in the basement.  Kirby thinks that it might be a good idea to forget about the whole kidnapping scheme but Sid is determined to get the money.

In the basement, Jeffrey discovers that the Wolfman can communicate with him through telepathy.  The Wolfman introduces himself as being William (physically played by Carlos Lauchu, with a voice provided by John Michael Bolger).  William explains that he’s not a monster.  Instead, he’s just a man who, centuries ago, was granted magical abilities by an old traveler.  Now, William is over 200 years old.  He’s nearly immortal but he’s also lonely.  Jeffrey is the first person who has been willing to listen to William in a long time.

Jeffrey and William bonding in the basement is undeniably sweet but Sid and Kirby are still holding Jeffrey hostage and, as time passes, it becomes obvious that they’re planning on killing both Jeffrey and his new friend.  William explains that there is a way that he can ensure that Jeffrey will survive and that he’ll be able to defeat both Sid and Kirby.  But it will involve Jeffrey making a huge sacrifice of his own….

This episode was fairly dull.  When it started, I was hoping that the show would at least do a Ransom of Red Chief sort of thing and have Jeffrey turn out to be such a brat that absolutely no one would be willing to pay a cent to get him back.  I think that would have been more interesting than what we ended up with, an episode in which Jeffrey awkwardly bonded with a werewolf who could only communicate through telepathy because moving his mouth probably would have made the actor’s mask look even cheaper than it already did.  Abe Vigoda and Brad Greenquist were well-cast as the two criminals.  Vigoda, in particular, did a good job of portraying Sid’s outwardly calm but still ruthless demeanor.  Otherwise, this was a fairly dull episode that didn’t really do much with its potentially intriguing premise.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.5 “Country Blues/Daddy’s Little Girl/Jackpot”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, Gopher almost gets rich!

Episode 5.5 “Country Blues/Daddy’s Little Girl/Jackpot”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on October 31st, 1981)

I have to admit that I groaned a bit when I saw that Florence Henderson was going to be one of the passengers on this week’s cruise.  I still haven’t quite recovered from the trauma of reviewing The Brady Bunch Variety Hour and, whenever Florence Henderson showed up on any of these shows, she always had to sing a song.  Florence wasn’t a bad singer but she wasn’t a particularly interesting one either.  I remember that she always seemed like she was trying too hard to be Barbra Streisand whenever she performed a song of the Brady Bunch Variety Hour.  Her version of Broadway and easy listening was always adequate without being very memorable.

And, on this cruise, Florence does sing.  She’s playing Annabelle Folker, a country singer who is hired to provide entertainment for the cruise.  She sing a few country songs and speaks with a thick (and not very convincing) country accent.  Annabelle is happy to discover that her childhood friend, Martin Correll (James Noble), is on the cruise with his uptight girlfriend and campaign manager, Barbara (Carol Lawrence).  Martin — or Blinky as Annabelle calls him — is thrilled to be reunited with Annabelle.  Barbara is less enthused and she eventually tells Annabelle that, if Martin is ever going to be a success in politics, he can’t spend all of his time with a country singer who says whatever pops into her head.  What’s weird is that Annabelle decides that Barbara is right.  She and Martin aren’t meant for each other.  Martin is too much of a career politician.  In the end, Martin leaves with Barbara and Annabelle leaves alone.  It was a weird story.  Annabelle came across like a stalker but Barbara wasn’t particularly sympathetic either.  Martin was just kind of wimpy.

Meanwhile, Marcy Crane (Randi Oakes) boards the boat with her father, Richard Simmons (Mason Adams).  Marcy’s just gotten a divorce and Richard is very protective of her.  At first, he’s concerned when she meets Dr. Jonathan Hunt (Frank Bonner), a veterinarian.  Once Marcy explains that she’s not going to rush into another relationship and she’s just looking for casual sex, her father gives the couple his blessing.  This was an oddly inconsequential story.

Finally, Gopher finds a bag that’s full of money!  After he counts the money, he discovers that he is now $47,612 richer!  (Adjusted for inflation, that’s the equivalent of $130,000 today.)  Or, at least, that’ll be the case if Gopher keeps the money.  But Gopher’s a good man at heart so, ultimately, he tells Captain Stubing about the money.  Stubing says that money will be Gopher’s if no one claims it at the end of the cruise.  And indeed, it turns out that the money was not lost by any of the current passengers.  Gopher’s happy until he spots a little old woman crying on the dock in Los Angeles.  She says that she took a cruise two weeks ago and lost a bag with her life’s savings.  Gopher gives her the money.  Awwwww!

This was a sweet story and it was kind of nice to see Gopher get a plotline.  Fred Grandy was a likable actor and I always like the episodes where Gopher reveals that he’s actually got a good heart underneath his goofy exterior.  This story did feature one rather silly fantasy sequence, in which Gopher imagined riding in a limousine with Stubing as his chauffeur, Julie as his wife, and Viki as a little beggar child.  It was kind of a weird fantasy, to be honest.

One good story out of three does not make for a great cruise.  I enjoyed Gopher’s plotline but the other two stories alternated between being dull and annoying.  This was not a great cruise.