Late Night Retro Television Review: Check It Out! 3.7 “He’s No Heavy, He’s My Brother”

Posted on February 15, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and Peacock!

Hey, Howard has an older brother! I wonder how this will work out….

Episode 3.7 “He’s No Heavy, He’s My Brother”

(Dir by Alan Erlich, originally aired on October 25th, 1987)

In this episode, we meet Howard’s brother, George (Gary Krawford). George is an extremely wealthy money manager who lives in Switzerland. At the start of the episode, he is fired because his employers want to hire a younger man who they can pay less.

Dejected, George returns to Canada. He visits Howard at the store. Because George doesn’t specify that he was fired, Howard assumes that George is dying. Howard reveals that their father always liked George better. George eventually reveals that he’s not dying and that, being worth five million dollars, he doesn’t need a job in Howard’s store. Good for George. I’m happy for him.

George buys Howard’s apartment building. He then tells Howard that he’s a month behind on his rent. Howard jokes about George evicting him. George evicts Howard. End of episode.

This was a weird episode. I’m going to assume that the show’s producers were thinking of making George a regular character on the show and this episode was perhaps an attempt to reboot the entire series into a show that would focus 0n the rivalry between the Bannister brothers. According to the imdb, though, this is the only episode in which George appeared. Watching this episode, it occurred to me that the entire third season, so far, has featured epiosdes about characters who only appeared once or twice before vanishing. The third season has been an improvement over the previous season but it’s still obvious that the show was still struggling to figure out what it actually wanted to be about. This has not only led to a messy continuity but also a few unresolved cliffhangers. Last episode, it appeared Jack Christian was going to get his own store. In this episode, he’s still assistant manager at Howard’s store and no mention is made of last week’s events.

The strangest thing about this episode, though, is the show’s insistence that Howard is only in his forties when Don Adams was clearly in his sixties. George is introduced as being Howard’s older brother but actor Gary Krawford was nearly 20 years younger than Adams and he looked it, too.

Strange, strange episode. Considering George never again appeared after this episode, it’s probably best not to worry too much about it. This episode might end with Howard getting evicted (and seriously, the man manages a store, shouldn’t he able to cover his rent?) but I have a feeling we’ll never hear about it again.

Either that or Howard will be forced to live in the store, which is what he pretty much does already. The important thing is that it will all work out.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 2/9/25 — 2/15/25

Posted on February 15, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Abbott Elementary (Wednsesday Night, ABC)

I loved the science fair episode, which I watched on Hulu on Wednesday afternoon! Ava is my favorite character so I enjoy any episode that deals with her troubled past, her unique principal style, and the moments where she actually turns out to be good at her job.

I also enjoyed the latest episode of Abbott, with Ava helping out the other schools and Jacob giving an impassioned speech to the school board that will probably come back to haunt him at some point in the future. After the previous season’s somewhat uneven mix of episodes, it’s nice to see Abbott Elementary going strong again!

Be My Valentine, Charlie Brown (Apple TV+)

Erin and I watched this on Thursday. It’s a holiday tradition! You can read Erin’s review here!

Dark (Netflix)

Case and I finished up season two this week. Onward to the season three next week!

Extracted (Monday Night, Fox)

In this new reality show, out-of-shape people go into the wilderness and try not to die. From a control room, their family members watch and debate whether or not to pull them out of the game. On Wednesday, I watched the first two episodes on Hulu. The show is ludicrous but it’s entertaining, as most good reality shows are. I would hope that my family would pull me out after the first ten minutes.

Kitchen Nightmares (Tuesday Night, Fox)

Finally leaving the ugly restaurants of New Orleans, Chef Ramsay helped out an ugly restaurant in Houston. Seriously, how does the show find these ugly places? This time, the restaurant owner got mad at Ramsay and even called him into the storeroom for a talk. Ramsay was still able to get through to her and save the restaurant. Yay!

Scamanda (Hulu)

On Tuesday, I watched the second episode of Scamanda, which revealed a bit about Amanda’s background and also her husband. The episode suggested that Amanda based her scam off of her husband’s stepdaughter from his first marriage and her very real battle with Leukemia. Not only does this show how twisted Amanda was but it also indicates that her husband was very much a part of her scheme. The second episode was marked improvement over the first. I’m looking forward to the third.

The Story Behind (Tubi)

I watched two episodes. One featured the story behind Beverly Hills 9o210. The other was the story behind Full House. Neither really told me anything that I didn’t already know.

Super Bowl LXI (Sunday Night, Fox)

The only thing more boring than the game were the commercials. A lot of people are making a big deal about Taylor Swift getting booed at the game. The Swifties are in an uproar but, honestly, it’s an American tradition to boo celebs at sporting events, especially ones who are only there because they’re dating a player. Taylor’s apparent shock at being booed has become a meme but it was actually a very relatable and human moment. I prefer Taylor’s “What’s going on?” to the celebs who either pretend to not to care or the ones who go into a rage mode the minute they have to deal with public opinion.

Watched and Reviewed Elsewhere:

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 4.17 “Come Back, Little Arnold”

Posted on February 15, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show can be purchased on Prime.

This week, Horshack’s not going to take it anymore.

Episode 4.17 “Come Back, Little Arnold”

(Dir by Norman Abbott, originally aired on February 24th, 1979)

Arnold Horshack’s a drunk!

Well, not quite. He’s not an alcoholic. He does buy a bottle of cheap whiskey from Carvelli because he has a date coming up with Mary (Irene Arranga) and he’s nervous about it. To the shock of everyone, Horshack gets mean when he drinks. He calls the other Sweathogs out for always making fun of him. He tells his teachers to leave him alone. He throws all the money from the school store out into the hallway. He starts wearing a leather jacket. Horshack is out of control!

It’s a good thing that Vinnie is around to serve as a mentor…. oh wait, Travolta became a movie star and Vinnie Barbarino is no longer on the show.

It’s a good thing that Gabe has a good relationship with Arnold Horshack and …. oh wait, Gabe Kaplan was angry with the show’s producers and only appeared in a handful of episodes this season. And this is not one of those episodes!

Maybe Julie could …. Marcia Strassman isn’t in this episode either!

Mr. Woodman could …. oh, who are we kidding? Woodman doesn’t care.

Instead, it falls to Jean Tremaine (Della Reese) to gather all the Sweathogs together and let them know that Horshack needs help. Jean Who? Well, apparently, Ms. Tremaine has been around for a while and she’s as much of a mentor to the Sweathogs as Gabe ever was! Oddly, we’ve never heard about or seen Ms. Tremaine before. In fact, I thought the whole idea of the Sweathogs was that they weren’t allowed to attend regular classes, like the one taught by Ms. Tremaine.

It’s easy to see what happened here. With Gabe Kaplan determined to leave and Marcia Strassman also tiring of the show, the show’s producers were trying to figure out how to continue Welcome Back Kotter without any Kotters. With this episode, we saw one possible way to keep the show going. Della Reese would be the new teacher and hopefully, she would have eventually gotten some new students. It was time to let the Sweathogs graduate. As I watched this episode, I noticed that Ron Palillo, the actor who played Horshack, actually had gray in his hair.

Surprisingly enough, this was actually a pretty good episode. After spending the past two seasons playing Horshack as just being a weirdo with a strange voice, Ron Palillo finally got another chance to play the angry, misadjusted Horshack who we first met during the show’s first season. Palillo really got into the scenes where Horshack told off the Sweathogs, dropping the funny voice and delivering his lines with authentic anger. Watching the episode, it’s hard not to get the feeling that Palillo was acting out some of his own frustrations in this episode. It can’t be easy to play Arnold Horshack day-after-day.

And you know what? As clumsily as she was introduced, Della Reese did a good job as Ms. Temaine. The idea of her as the new regular teacher was not a crazy one, though it was one that was probably suggested too late to save the show.

This was a good episode. I’m as surprised as anyone.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 3.3 “Demon Hunter”

Posted on February 14, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The entire series can be found on YouTube!

This week, a bunch of new characters show up! What the Hell!?

Episode 3.3 “Demon Hunter”

(Dir by Armand Mastroianni, originally aired on October 14th, 1989)

I have read that one of the biggest mistake that aspiring screenwriter make when they attempt to create a compelling spec script for their favorite show is that they’ll often introduce new characters. Instead of focusing on the established stars of the show, they’ll have a new character show up and suddenly become the center of the story. It’s a mistake because, no matter how good the script may be, it doesn’t work as an episode of the series that the writer is trying to get a job with. Showrunners don’t want a writer who can write about new characters. They want a writer who can work within the framework of what the show has already established.

This week’s episode of Friday the 13th feels very much like a failed spec script.

Make no mistake. Jack and Micki are in it. They spend the entire episode at Curious Goods, where they are originally seen putting a cursed dagger in the vault. With Ryan having been transformed into a child in the previous episode, Micki makes Jack a partner in the shop. Johnny Ventura (played by new series regular Steve Monarque) is also in this episode, though he’s called to the store a bit later than Micki and Jack. I guess Johnny is now a part of the group, even if he doesn’t have a job at the shop. For all the time the show spent establishing Johnny as being an edgy delinquent during the second season, this episode finds Johnny as a rather conventional leading man. He listens to a baseball game and, at one point, he’s seen making a model ship.

That said, the majority of the episode is dominated by a bunch of new characters. The Cassidys are a family of militia types who, having rescued Bonnie Cassidy (Allison Mang) from a bunch of cultists, are now on the run from a demon that is determined to kill them. The Cassidys have some sort of demon tracker device that leads both them and the demon to Curious Goods, where Micki, Jack, and Johnny join in the effort to destroy the demon. The Cassidys are so prominently featured in this episode and take up so much screentime that the episode almost feels like a backdoor pilot about them. The Cassidys are even featured in black-and-white flashbacks that show us how they rescued Bonnie.

The problem, of course, is that we don’t know the Cassidys so its a bit jarring to see them take over the episode. After what happened in the previous episode, I think most viewers would have a lot of questions about what happened after Jack, Micki, and Johnny returned from France. For instance, what did they do with Ryan? Did they drop Ryan off with his mother? Did they leave him in France? We don’t find out in this episode and it’s actually kind of insulting to anyone who has spent the previous two seasons getting wrapped up in Ryan and Micki’s adventures. Instead of answering the questions that they had to know that viewers would be asking, the show’s writers expect us to care about the Cassidys.

Even without John D. LeMay, Robey and Chris Wiggins had a likable chemistry. Micki and Jack were the strongest thing this series had gone for it as the start of season 3. Why push them to the side for a family that we’ve never seen before and will probably never see again? As far as guessing what the rest of Season 3 will be like is concerned, it’s not a good sign.

Hopefully, I’ll be proven wrong in the weeks to come.

Retro Television Review: St. Elsewhere 1.12 “Release”

Posted on February 14, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988. The show can be found on Hulu and, for purchase, on Prime!

This week, things get dark.

Episode 1.12 “Release”

(Dir by Victor Lobl, originally aired on February 1st, 1983)

The gunshot victim (Tom Hulce) who was saved by Samuels last week has woken up but he has no idea who he is. He is labeled John Doe #12, meaning there’s at least eleven other people at St. Eligius who are suffering from amnesia! That’s a scary thought. There’s a lot of things that I don’t want to suffer from and amnesia is high on the list. I can’t imagine how frightening that would be, not having any idea who you are or where you belong.

Dr. Chandler tries to help John Doe #12 get his memory back but, in this episode at least, neither has any luck. Even an attempt at hypnosis reveals that John can’t remember anything before being rolled into the ER. At one point, an older couple step into the room to discover if John is their son, who has been missing for two years. He’s not, which leaves the couple in tears.

As serious and as heart-breaking as this all is (and both Washington and Hulce give outstanding performances in this episode), there is one moment where Dr. Westphall makes a reference to a “Lt. Gerard,” who is searching for John’s parents. It seems like a throw-away reference, unless you’re familiar with either the 1950s television show The Fugitive or the subsequent 1993 film adaptation. Lt. Gerard was the name of the detective who was hunting for that show’s main character, Dr. Richard Kimble. Ed Flanders delivers the line solemnly and it occurs at a serious moment. There’s no winking at the audience. Instead, it’s simply a reward for the pop culture-literate who might be watching the episode.

For the most part, this was a grim episode. After losing a patient to cancer, Dr. Peter White was ordered to talk his family into signing a release for an autopsy. The autopsy was largely to protect the hospital from getting sued. The family didn’t want an autopsy. Peter didn’t feel the autopsy was necessary. But, having been bullied by his superiors, Peter proceeded to bully and manipulate the dead man’s son into signing the release. In the end, it turned out that Peter was correct. The man did die of cancer. The autopsy was not necessary. Upset over the whole process, Peter said that he felt like he had “raped” a mourning family. The doctor who ordered Peter to get the release merely smiled and said he would see Peter at rounds the next day.

Meanwhile, Dr. Craig was shocked and angered when he discovered that his old friend (played by Andy Romano) had checked into the hospital for gender-affirming surgery. This led to the episode final scene, in which Craig talked about not liking the way the world had changed since he was a young man. The scene was well-acted by William Daniels, who was one of the best when it comes to giving a monologue of frustration.

And finally, Dr. Samuels and Dr. Paxson disagreed on how to treat a patient and this storyline would have been interesting if either Samuels or Paxson had been an interesting character. But they’re not. I don’t care about them. I don’t care about their boring relationship. And, knowing that neither is going to be around once this season ends, I really didn’t care that much about their storyline. With all of the interesting stuff that happened in this episode, I groaned whenever I realized I was going to waste a few minutes watching Samuels and Paxson argue.

This episode left me feeling pretty depressed. Between Peter bullying that family and John Doe searching for his identity, there wasn’t much hope to be found. Still, I have faith that John Doe will find his identity and maybe Peter will even become a better doctor. (He certainly can’t get much worse.) If Lt. Gerard could find Richard Kimble, then anything’s possible!

Charles Bronson and Jill Ireland: Great Romances of the 20th Century – Season 3, Episode 10 (Aired April 24th, 2001)

Posted on February 14, 2025 by Bradley Crain

Happy Valentine’s Day, my friends! Today I celebrate my own valentine, my wife Sierra. I bought her a beautiful bouquet of roses, as well as a card, on which I wrote my true feelings of love and appreciation for her. It made me very happy to see the joy on her face as she received her roses and read her card.

I’m also celebrating my favorite film valentines, Charles Bronson and Jill Ireland. I’ve been blessed to have a few opportunities over the years to talk to people who were friends or family with Bronson and Ireland. They always say the same types of things… “they were so in love,” “Charlie would light up whenever she was around,” “she always softened him up.” That’s one of the reasons I enjoy watching them on screen together. There’s something about knowing how much they love each other that just makes me happy. Back in 2001, the TV series “Great Romances of the 20 Century” featured Bronson and Ireland. One of the most interesting parts of the episode showed Charlie and Jill being interviewed on the set of the film BREAKOUT (1975). Bronson was notoriously prickly in interviews, and he seemed to be heading that way on this particular day. But when Jill started talking about her husband to the person conducting the interview, you could just see the impact her words had on his mood and countenance. She made him smile and his entire mood changed, confirming everything I’ve been told. It’s quite beautiful to see.

If you’re interested, I’ve linked to the episode below.

https://therokuchannel.roku.com/details/bb5e43736ee3d63cc3370ae4495d977b/great-romances-of-the-20th-century-s3-e10-charles-bronson-and-jill-ireland

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 3.13 “Basinger’s New York”

Posted on February 13, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

New York, New York, it’s a heckuva town….

Episode 3.13 “Basinger’s New York”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on December 17th, 1986)

It’s Christmas in New York and veteran news columnist Jed Basinger (Richard Mulligan) has no idea what to write about. Basinger has been recording the lives of the people of New York City for decades and he’s finally reached the point where he fears that there may not be anything good left to write about. In short, Jed Basinger is a cynic and we know what this show thinks of cynicism!

While Basinger walks down a cold city sidewalk, he suddenly discovers Jonathan and Mark walking beside him. Basinger worries that they’re fans, looking to harass him or tell him a long story that they think he should write about. Instead, Jonathan introduces himself as an angel and explains that he’s here to show Basinger all the good things happening in the city.

I have to admit that I always groan a little whenever an episode of this show starts with Jonathan admitting that he’s angel. The episodes where Jonathan makes no effort to hide his identity are usually the weakest, if just because they tend to be a bit more preachy than the typical episode of Highway to Heaven. (Despite its reputation, Highway to Heaven was usually more earnest than preachy.) Once Jonathan says those three words — “I’m an angel,” — the viewer is immediately aware that this episode has a message and it’s not going to be a subtle one either.

Jonathan, Mark, and Basinger make their way through New York. They meet a cab driver who just wants to be reunited with his son. They meet the saintly homeless people who live on the streets and take care of each other in their own quirky way. They meet a nice cop. They meet not one but two women who are in labor and who end up at the same hospital. One woman is poor and turned away because she doesn’t have insurance (which, technically, I think is illegal under federal law but whatever). The other woman is the wife of a U.S. Senator who announces that she refuses to give birth in a hospital that turns away the poor. Luckily, Basinger is there and threatens to write about it. The scene in the hospital is typical of this episode. It’s well-meaning but so heavy-handed that it’s nowhere near as effective as it should have been. If I was in labor, would I take the time to demand that the hospital treat all of its patients fairly? I’d like to think so but, realistically, my mind would probably be on other things. Luckily, Basinger gets to write his column, despite showing up late at the newspaper. It turns out that the presses went down while Basinger learned a lesson about New York and kindness.

I can’t really be too critical of this episode because its heart was in the right place. That was this show’s biggest strength. Michael Landon really did seem to believe he could make the world a better place, one episode at a time. That said, this episode was a bit too heavy-handed for my tastes. But again, how can I be too critical of a show about Christmas miracles?

Retro Television Review: Malibu CA 2.2 “Jason’s Song”

Posted on February 13, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

I know that’s the first season cast but I don’t care.

This week …. ugh.

Episode 2.2 “Jason’s Song”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on October 16th, 1999)

Lisa is just the worst!

No, silly, not me! I’m the best. I’m talking about Lisa, the newest character on this show. Lisa is the medical student who was hired to work as a waitress at the restaurant. This week’s episode finds her desperately looking for an apartment and moving in with …. Traycee! The problem is that Lisa can’t stand Traycee because Traycee loves the color pink and is a careless driver. What’s wrong with that? I love the color pink and …. well, I am a good driver. But still, Lisa throws such a fit over moving in with Traycee and Marquita Terry (who plays Lisa) gives such a cartoonishly over-the-top performance in the role that you can kind of end up feeling that Lisa is …. well, she’s the worst.

Things are resolved when Lisa throws one of Traycee’s possessions of the balcony in frustration. I hate to say it but, even though it’s only been a few hours since I watched the episode, I cannot remember what exactly Lisa threw. Was it a CD? Let’s say it was a CD because I refuse to rewatch this episode because, as I will discuss in the next paragraph, this episode deeply offended me. The important thing is that, when the cop shows up at the apartment looking for who threw the whatever at him, Traycee takes the blame and …. GOES TO JAIL! (Editor’s Note: I checked and it was a CD. — Erin)

See, that’s why I’m not going to rewatch this episode. Getting arrested and going to jail is a big deal. Lisa allowed Traycee to potentially get a criminal record. If the show wants me to sympathize with Lisa then Lisa should have gone to the police and told the truth and dealt with the consequences. Lisa was the one dumb enough to throw whatever it was that she threw. This is on Lisa and I don’t care how frustrated she was, she’s the one was an idiot. Instead, Lisa stays at the apartment and paints one door pink and puts up some fake hearts. When Traycee returns …. FROM JAIL! …. she is overjoyed. Lisa and Traycee are friends. Yay? No, no yay. TRAYCEE WENT TO JAIL FOR YOU! Traycee probably got charged with a misdemeanor and had to pay a fine. Someone probably had to bail her out. Throwing something off of a balcony and hitting a cop is not a little thing. Someone with that little self-control should not be a doctor. Lisa spends almost this entire episode shaking with rage. Was no one directing this episode? Was no one asking for a second take? What the Hell was going on?

While this was going on, Jason pursued his musical career and fell under the influence of Jesse Mercer (Rex Smith), who was once in a band with Jason and Scott’s father. (The Disco Dudes, I think they were called.) Jesse proves to be a bad influence. Recently promoted to night manager and having been given a laptop by his father, Jason sells the laptop for a new guitar. What a prick. Jesse agrees to play a fundraiser for the lifeguards but bails at the last minute. Don’t worry. Jason has a guitar and he’s learned an important lesson.

This storyline actually featured a pretty good performance from Rex Smith but it was hard not to notice that it was basically just the Fabolous Belding Boys with Edward Blatchford (now cast not as the cool Belding brother but instead as Jason and Scott’s dorky father) playing the role that Dennis Haskins originally played. If that sentence doesn’t make sense to you, you’ve never watched Saved By The Bell and you’re lucky.

Ugh, this show.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Monsters 3.9 “The Young and the Headless”

Posted on February 12, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

This week, Monsters loses its head of another series.

Episode 3.9 “The Young and the Headless”

(Dir by Tom Abrams, originally aired on November 25th, 1990)

As you can tell from the title, this episode of Monsters is meant to be a parody of soap operas. Two scientists, Victoria (Karen Valentine) and Edward (George Reinhardt), have been have been married ever since Victoria’s lunkhead ex-boyfriend, Hunk (John Schiappa), disappeared while on a soldier of fortune mission. However, when Hunk suddenly returns, Victoria and George are left with a dilemma, especially after Edward tricks Hunk into killing himself and then removes his head.

Victoria and George decide to reanimate the headless Hunk, bringing him back to life with microchips. (Sure, why not?) They treat the headless Hunk as a servant but it turns out that Hunk doesn’t need a brain to get his revenge.

The plot was nonsense but the episode did have good performances and a memorable monster in headless Hunk. I think the main problem is that the episode tried very hard to parody the soap opera genre but, since most soap operas are already self-parodies that cheerfully embrace the melodrama and make no attempt to pretend to be realistic, a lot of the humor fell flat. It’s hard to make fun of a genre that is, for the most part, defined by its self-awareness.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.17 “The Return of the Captain’s Lady/Love Ain’t Illegal/The Irresistible Man”

Posted on February 12, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

It’s time for another trip on The Love Boat! We’re a little late setting sail today but it happens. Let’s see what’s happening on this cruise….

Episode 5.17 “The Return of the Captain’s Lady/Love Ain’t Illegal/The Irresistible Man”

(Dir by Howard Morris, originally aired on February 6th, 1982)

This week’s cruise is all about people being stupid.

For instance, George Boggs (Dick Martin) wants to embezzle some money from his company but he can’t run the risk of his business partner, Irwin (Robert Mandan), finding out. So, George tells his secretary, Marge (Phyllis Davis), to keep Irwin distracted while George steals the money. However, Marge really does fall for Irwin. This was a very predictable storyline and it suffered from Dick Martin continually mugging for the camera and acting so obviously guilty that there was no way that the entire world wouldn’t have noticed what he was doing. Still, if you’re a fan of sitcoms from the 70s and 80s, it’s always interesting to see Robert Mandan playing a sympathetic character for a change.

Things get even dumber when Doug Bridges (Linwood Boomer) decides that the best way to get Pam (Lydia Cornell) to notice him would be to fake being pulled into a broom closet and kissed by an amorous woman who then, in Doug’s telling of the story, runs off and disappears. Soon, the entire ship is looking for Doug’s mystery woman. Why this would get Pam to like Doug, I’m not sure. Pam’s best friend (Pat Klous) does like Doug so she pretends to be the mystery woman. Of course, Doug can’t reveal that she’s lying because that would mean revealing that he was lying and …. as I said, this story was dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb!

Finally, Captain Stubing’s ex-fiancé, Linda (Pat Crowley) boards the ship and the Captain is super excited! He starts to rekindle their relationship and soon, he’s even thinking of proposing. Yay! Vicki’s finally going to have a stepmom …. oh wait. Hold on. It turns out that Linda’s married and she just boarded the boat and allowed herself to be romanced by the Captain without telling him any of this because …. reasons, I guess? I mean, don’t get me wrong. Linda is not happy with her marriage and is in the process of getting a divorce but she doesn’t tell any of that to the Captain. Merrill thinks that Linda is single and ready to get married. Nope, Linda was just looking for a fling and is not ready to get married again. Poor Merrill! At least he has the crew looking out for him….

Ugh. This episode. Listen, I am more than willing to suspend my disbelief when it comes to this show. Usually, I absolutely love The Love Boat. But usually there’s at least one sort of funny or sweet story to go along with the ones that are less memorable. None of the stories worked on this cruise and that’s a shame. That said, I’ll be back next week. The Love Boat promises something for everyone, afterall.