What If Lisa Marie Had All The Power: 2023 Emmys Edition

Posted on July 10, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The Emmy Nominations are due to be announced tomorrow so it’s time for the Shattered Lens to play a game that should be familiar to our longtime readers, What If Lisa Marie Had All The Power.

Below, you’ll find my personal Emmy nominations. Keep in mind, these are not necessarily the shows and performers who I think will be nominated, though a few definitely will be. Instead, these are my personal picks. This is what would be nominated if I had all the power.

Now, there’s a lot of Emmy categories. I went through the Emmy submissions and I picked nominees for every single category. However, in the interest of space, I can’t list all of them in this post. Instead, below, you’ll find my picks for the major categories. If you want to see the complete list of my nominees, you can see it by clicking here!

Looking over my full list of nominees, you’ll see that there are some shows that I really, really liked. Those shows include A Small Light, Poker Face, The English, Andor, The Traitors, Abbott Elementary, Ghosts, Making the Cut, Wednesday, Better Call Saul, Barry, The Bear, Bob’s Burgers, South Park, Beef, Beavis and Butt-Head Do The Universe, Black Bird, Atlanta, Five Days At Memorial, Daisy Jones and the Six, Prey, Weird: The Al Yankovic Story, The Amazing Race, and The Last Thing He Told Me. Interestingly enough, a lot of my favorite shows aired their final season over the past year. I look forward to seeing what replaces Barry and Better Call Saul in my annual Emmy line-ups.

Here are my picks for the major categories, with my winners in bold!

Animation

Outstanding Animated Program

Archer — “The Big Con” (FX)

Bob’s Burgers — “Plight Before Christmas” (FOX)

Harley Quinn — “Batman Begins Forever” (Max)

Mike Judge’s Beavis and Butthead — “Meditation Suck/Polling Place” (Paramount Plus)

Rick & Morty — “Night Family” (Adult Swim)

South Park — “World Wide Privacy Tour” (Comedy Central)

Documentary

Outstanding Documentary Or Nonfiction Special

Bama Rush (Max)

Elmore Leonard: But Don’t Try To Write (PBS)

Inside High Noon (PBS)

Pamela, A Love Story (Netflix)

Pretty Baby: Brooke Shields (Hulu)

The Princess (HBO)

Selena Gomez: My Mind and Me (Apple TV+)

Serial Killer Capitol: Baton Rogue (Peacock)

Shania Twain: Not Just A Girl (Netflix)

Still: A Michael J. Fox Movie (Apple TV+)

Outstanding Documentary Or Nonfiction Series

American Masters (PBS)

Artful (BYUTv)

Cold Case Files (Netflix)

Cold Justice (Oxygen)

Crime Scene: The Texas Killing Fields (Netflix)

MH370: The Plane That Disappeared (Netflix)

Stolen Youth: Inside the Cult at Sarah Lawrence (Hulu)

Trainwreck: Woodstock ’99 (Netflix)

The U.S. and the Holocaust (PBS)

Unsolved Mysteries (Netflix)

Host

Outstanding Host For A Reality Or Competition Program

Alan Cumming for The Traitors (Peacock)

Cat Deeley for So You Think You Can Dance (Fox)

Phil Keogan for The Amazing Race (CBS)

Heidi Klum and Tim Gunn for Making The Cut (Prime)

Jennifer Nettles for Farmer Wants A Wife (Fox)

Jon Taffer for Bar Rescue (Paramount)

Outstanding Host For A Game Show

Wayne Brady for Let’s Make A Deal (CBS)

Brooke Burns for Master Minds (GSN)

Drew Carey for The Price Is Right (CBS)

Pat Sajak for Wheel of Fortune (CBS)

Performer

Outstanding Lead Actor In A Comedy Series

Utkarsh Ambudkar in Ghosts (CBS)

Donald Glover In Atlanta (FX)

Bill Hader in Barry (HBO)

Ralph Macchio in Cobra Kai (Netflix)

Steve Martin in Only Murders In The Building (Hulu)

Jason Segel in Shrinking (AppleTV+)

Martin Short in Only Murders In The Building (Hulu)

Jason Sudiekis in Tad Lasso (AppleTV+)

Jeremy Allen White in The Bear (Hulu)

William Zabka in Cobra Kai (Netflix)

Outstanding Lead Actor In A Drama Series

Penn Badgley in You (Netflix)

Jeff Bridges in The Old Man (Hulu)

Kevin Costner in Yellowstone (Paramount)

Harrison Ford in 1923 (Paramount Plus)

Diego Luna in Andor (Disney+)

Bob Odenkirk in Better Call Saul (AMC)

Pedro Pascal in The Last of Us (HBO)

Matthew Rhys in Perry Mason (HBO)

Michael Shannon in Waco: The Aftermath (Showtime)

Dominic West in The Crown (Netflix)

Outstanding Lead Actor In A Limited or Anthology Series

Steve Carell in The Patient (Hulu)

Joe Cole in A Small Light (National Geographic)

Taron Egerton in Black Bird (Apple TV+)

Jesse Eisenberg in Fleishman Is In Trouble (Hulu)

Jake Lacey in A Friend of the Family (Peacock)

Eric McCormack in Slasher: Ripper (Shudder)

Ewan McGregor in Obi-Wan Kenobi (Disney+)

Kumail Nanjiani in Welcome to Chippendale’s (Hulu)

Chaske Spencer in The English (Prime)

Steven Yeun in Beef (Netflix)

Outstanding Lead Actor In A Movie

Bryan Cranston in Jerry and Marge Go Large (Paramount)

Josh Duhamel in Shotgun Wedding (Prime)

Andy Garcia in Father of the Bride (Max)

Kelsey Grammer in 12 Days of Christmas Eve (Lifetime)

Dennis Quaid in On A Wing and Prayer (Prime)

Daniel Radcliffe in Weird: The Al Yankovic Story (Roku)

Outstanding Lead Actress In A Comedy Series

Christina Applegate in Dead To Me (Netflix)

Rachael Brosnahan in The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel (Prime)

Quinta Brunson in Abbott Elementary (ABC)

Linda Cardellini in Dead To Me (Netflix)

Anna Gasteyer in American Auto (ABC)

Selena Gomez in Only Murders In The Building (Hulu)

Natasha Lyonne in Poker Face (Peacock)

Rose McIver in Ghosts (CBS)

Jenna Ortega in Wednesday (Netflix)

Melissa Rauch in Night Court (NBC)

Outstanding Lead Actress In A Drama Series

Tawny Cypress in Yellowjackets (Showtime)

Juliette Lewis in Yellowjackets (Showtime)

Melanie Lynesky in Yellowjackets (Showtime)

Helen Mirren in 1923 (Paramount Plus)

Sophie Nelisse in Yellowjackets (Showtime)

Kelly Reilly in Yellowstone (Paramount)

Charlotte Ritchie in You (Netflix)

Keri Russell in The Diplomat (Netflix)

Imelda Staunton in The Crown (Netflix)

Roselyn Sanchez in Fantasy Island (Fox)

Outstanding Lead Actress In A Limited or Anthony Series

Emily Blunt in The English (Prime)

Lizzy Caplan in Fleishman Is In Trouble (Hulu)

Whitney Cummings in Accused (Fox)

Vera Farmiga in Five Days At Memorial (Apple TV+)

Jennifer Garner in The Last Thing He Told Me (Apple TV+)

Riley Keogh in Daisey Jones and the Six (Prime)

Elizabeth Olsen in Love and Death (Max)

Bel Powley in A Small Light (National Geographic)

Naomi Watts in The Watcher (Netflix)

Ali Wong in Beef (Netflix)

Outstanding Lead Actress In A Movie

Annette Bening in Jerry and Marge Go Large (Paramount Plus)

Danai Gurira in Richard III (Great Performance) (PBS)

Jennifer Lopez in Shotgun Wedding (Prime)

Amber Midthunder in Prey (Hulu)

Angourie Rice in Honor Society (Paramount Plus)

Sidney Sweeney in Reality (HBO)

Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Comedy Series

Benjamin Bratt in Poker Face (Peacock)

Anthony Carrigan in Barry (HBO)

William Stanford Davis in Abbott Elementary (ABC)

Harrison Ford in Shrinking (Apple TV+)

Thomas Ian Griffith in Cobra Kai (Netflix)

Brian Tyree Henry in Atlanta (FX)

James Marsden in Jury Duty (Freevee)

Stephen Root in Barry (HBO)

Tyler James Williams in Abbott Elementary (ABC)

Henry Winkler in Barry (HBO)

Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Drama

Jonathan Banks in Better Call Saul (AMC)

Timothy Dalton in 1923 (Paramount Plus)

Giancarlo Esposito in Better Call Saul (AMC)

Cole Hauser in Yellowstone (Paramount)

John Lithgow in The Old Man (Hulu)

Johnny Lee Miller in The Crown (Netflix)

Jonathan Pryce in The Crown (Netflix)

Stellan Skargard in Andor (Disney+)

Kyle Soller in Andor (Disney+)

Elijah Wood in Yellowjackets (Showtime)

Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Limited or Anthology Series

Murray Bartlett in Welcome to Chippendale’s (Hulu)

Hayden Christensen in Obi-Wan Kenobi (Disney+)

Colin Hanks in A Friend of the Family (Peacock)

Paul Walter Hauser in Black Bird (AppleTV+)

Richard Jenkins in Monster: Dahmer — The Jeffrey Dahmer Story (Netflix)

Greg Kinnear in Black Bird (AppleTV+)

Ray Liotta in Black Bird (AppleTV+)

Robert Pine in Five Days At Memorial (AppleTV+)

Stephen Rea in The English (Prime)

Liev Schrieber in A Small Light (National Geographic)

Outstanding Supporting Actor In Movie

Julian Black Antelope in Prey (Hulu)

Marchant Davis in Reality (HBO)

Dane DiLiegro in Prey (Hulu)

Josh Hamilton in Reality (HBO)

Cheech Marin In Shotgun Wedding (Prime)

Rainn Wilson in Weird: The Al Yankovic Story (Roku)

Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Comedy Series

Zazie Beetz in Atlanta (FX)

Alex Borstein in The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel (Prime)

Sarah Goldberg in Barry (HBO)

Janelle James in Abbott Elementary (ABC)

Danielle Pinnock in Ghosts (CBS)

Sheryl Lee Ralph in Abbott Elementary (ABC)

Kristen Schaal in What We Do In The Shadows (FX)

Juno Temple in Ted Lasso (Apple TV+)

Lisa Ann Walter in Abbott Elementary (ABC)

Rebecca Wisocky in Ghosts (CBS)

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series

Amy Brenneman in The Old Man (Hulu)

Carol Burnett in Better Call Saul (AMC)

Elizabeth Debicki in The Crown (Netflix)

Denise Gough in Andor (Disney+)

Samantha Hanratty in Yellowjackets (Showtime)

Lesley Manville in The Crown (Netflix)

Christina Ricci in Yellowjackets (Showtime)

Rhea Seehorn in Better Call Saul (AMC)

Sophie Thatcher in Yellowjackets (Showtime)

Olivia Williams in The Crown (Netflix)

Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Limited or Anthology Series

Annaleigh Ashford in Welcome to Chippendale’s (Hulu)

Maria Bello in Beef (Netflix)

Billie Boullet in A Small Light (National Geographic)

Ashley Brooke in A Small Light (National Geographic)

Clair Danes in Fleishman Is In Trouble (Hulu)

Li Eubanks in Mike (Hulu)

McKenna Grace in Friend of the Family (Peacock)

Cherry Jones in Five Days At Memorial (Apple TV+)

Juliette Lewis in Welcome to Chippendale’s (Hulu)

Anna Paquin in Friend of the Family (Peacock)

Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Movie

Jennifer Coolidge in Shotgun Wedding (Prime)

Gloria Estefan in Father of the Bride (Max)

Spencer Grammer in 12 Days of Christmas (Lifetime)

Melissa Joan Hart in Dirty Little Secret (Lifetime)

Julianne Nicholson in Weird: The Al Yankovic Story (Roku)

Evan Rachel Wood in Weird: The Al Yankovic Story (Roku)

Outstanding Guest Actor In A Comedy Series

Matthew Baynton in Ghosts (CBS)

Jon Bernthal in The Bear (Hulu)

Eric Berryman in Atlanta (FX)

Adrian Brody in Poker Face (Peacock)

Paul Walter Hauser in Cobra Kai (Netflix)

Luke Kirby in The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel (Prime)

Joel McHale in The Bear (Hulu)

Tim Meadows in Poker Face (Peacock)

Nick Nolte in Poker Face (Peacock)

Matt Walsh in Ghosts (CBS)

Outstanding Guest Actor In A Drama Series

Murray Bartlett in The Last of Us (HBO)

Bryan Cranston in Better Call Saul (AMC)

Timothy Dalton in The Crown (Netflix)

Tony Dalton in Better Call Saul (AMC)

Bruce Davison in 1923 (Paramount Plus)

Joel Grey in The Old Man (Hulu)

Greg Grunberg in Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (NBC)

Nick Offerman in The Last of Us (HBO)

Aaron Paul in Better Call Saul (AMC)

Andy Serkis in Andor (Disney+)

Outstanding Guest Actress In A Comedy Series

Ellen Barkin in Poker Face (Peacock)

Clea DuVall in Poker Face (Peacock)

Ayo Edebiri in Abbott Elementary (ABC)

Lisa Gilroy in Jury Duty (Freevee)

Sian Heder in Barry (HBO)

Taraji P. Henson in Abbott Elementary (ABC)

Judith Light in Poker Face (Peacock)

S. Epatha Merkson in Poker Face (Peacock)

Chloe Sevigny in Poker Face (Peacock)

Catherine Zeta-Jones in Wednesday (Netflix)

Outstanding Guest Actress In A Drama Series

Betsy Brandt in Better Call Saul (AMC)

Claire Foy in The Crown (Netflix)

Christine Hakim in The Last of Us (HBO)

Vanessa Kirby in The Crown (Netflix)

Melanie Lynseky ih The Last Of Us (HBO)

Natascha McElhone in The Crown (Netflix)

Nico Parker in The Last of Us (HBO)

Ashley Platz in Yellowstone (Paramount)

Ella Purnell in Yellowjackets (Showtime)

Fiona Shaw in Andor (Disney+)

Program

Outstanding Comedy Series

Abbott Elementary (ABC)

Atlanta (FX)

Barry (HBO)

The Bear (Hulu)

Cobra Kai (Netflix)

Ghosts (CBS)

Jury Duty (Freevee)

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel (Prime)

Poker Face (Peacock)

Wednesday (Netflix)

Outstanding Drama Series

Andor (Disney+)

Better Call Saul (AMC)

The Crown (Netflix)

House of the Dragon (HBO)

The Last of Us (HBO)

1923 (Paramount Plus)

The Old Man (Hulu)

Perry Mason (HBO)

Waco: The Aftermath (Showtime)

Yellowstone (Paramount)

Outstanding Limited or Anthology Program

Beef (Netflix)

Black Bird (Apple TV+)

Daisey Jones and the Six (Prime)

The English (Prime)

Fives Days At Memorial (Apple TV+)

Fleishman Is In Trouble (Hulu)

A Friend of the Family (Peacock)

The Last Thing He Told Me (Apple TV+)

Slasher: Ripper (Shudder)

A Small Light (National Geographic)

Outstanding Television Movie

Beavis and Butt-Head Do The Universe (Paramount Plus)

Father of the Bride (MAX)

Honor Society (Paramount Plus)

Jerry and Marge Go Large (Paramount Plus)

On A Wing and Prayer (Prime)

Prey (Hulu)

Shotgun Wedding Prime)

Sick (Peacock)

The 12 Days of Christmas Eve (Lifetime)

Weird: The Al Yankovic Story (Roku)

Outstanding Talk Series

Hart to Heart (Peacock)

Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO)

The Talking Dead (AMC)

The Tonight Show With Jimmy Fallon (NBC)

Outstanding Scripted Variety Program

Amazon Music Live (Prime)

Studio C (BYUTv)

Outstanding Variety Special (Live)

The Apple Music Super Bowl LVII Halftime Show Starring Rihanna (Fox)

Chris Rock: Selective Outrage (Netflix)

The Oscars (ABC)

29th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards (YouTube)

Outstanding Variety Special (Pre-Recorded)

Bill Burr: Live at Red Rocks (Netflix)

The Fangoria Chainsaw Awards (Shudder)

Richard III (Great Performances) (PBS)

South Park: The 25th Anniversary Concert (Comedy Central)

Outstanding Short Form Comedy, Drama, or Variety Series

I Think You Should Leave With Tim Robinson (Netflix)

The Party (YouTube)

Outstanding Short Form Nonfiction Or Reality Series

A Look Inside Five Days At Memorial (Apple TV+)

Tasting Wild (National Geographic)

Yellowjackets: Behind the Buzz (Showtime)

Yellowstone: Tales From The Bunkhouse (Paramount Network)

Outstanding Short Form Nonfiction Or Reality Series

History’s Greatest Mysteries (History Channel)

On Patrol: Live (Reelz)

Outstanding Structured Reality Program

Antiques Roadshow (PBS)

Bachelor in Paradise (ABC)

Bar Rescue (Paramount)

60 Days In (A&E)

Outstanding Unstructured Reality Program

Intervention (A&E)

Married At First Sight (Lifetime)

Naked and Afraid (Discovery)

Selling Sunset (Netflix)

Outstanding Reality Competition Program

The Amazing Race (CBS)

The Circle (Netflix)

Dancing With The Stars (Disney+)

Farmer Wants A Wife (FOX)

The Floor is Lava (Netflix)

Hell’s Kitchen (FOX)

Making the Cut (Amazon Prime)

So You Think You Can Dance (FOX)

Survivor (CBS)

Traitors (Peacock)

Outstanding Game Show

Let’s Make a Deal (CBS)

Master Minds (GSN)

The Price is Right (CBS)

Wheel of Fortune (CBS)

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 7/2/23 — 7/8/23

Posted on July 8, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week was all about getting caught up on the shows that might be nominated for this year’s Emmys. I ended up watching a lot of TV. Here’s a few thoughts on it all!

60 Days In (A&E)

I watched this show’s seventh season this week. Sending former criminals undercover was an interesting idea and Carlos, who struggled with the temptation to return to his old ways, was definitely the most compelling character this season. It really was one of the worst jails that they’ve ever featured on this show. It’s easy to be dismissive of a show like this and it definitely is a bit exploitive. But it also does portray why jails fail to rehabilitate its inmates.

Big Beasts (Apple TV+)

I watched an episode on Friday about the great whales! I enjoyed it. Whales are fascinating creatures and it certainly didn’t hurt that the whole thing was narrated by Tom Hiddleston.

City Guys (YouTube)

I wrote about City Guys here!

The Crown (Netflix)

I’ve always had mixed feelings about The Crown. On the one hand, I absolutely love it as a well-made, well-acted, and well-produced royal soap opera. On the other hand, I have never been comfortable about the idea of turning anyone’s life into a miniseries while they’re still alive. Of course, Queen Elizabeth passed away last year but the show itself still feels a bit invasive. That said, the fifth season was as addictive as ever. Imelda Stauton took over at Elizabeth. Dominic West made Charles into a far more interesting person than he probably is in real life. Of all the seasons so far, this season was the most melancholy as it portrayed a world that was suddenly changing faster than ever before. Not only did Charles and Diana divorce but the UK lost Hong Kong. The decommissioning Britannia felt like the true end of an era. It was hard to watch this season without thinking about how the people portrayed had no idea how much worse things were going to get in just a few more years.

Daisy Jones & The Six (Prime)

I binged this miniseries on Tuesday and Wednesday. Full of music and 70s atmosphere, this series charted the rise and the fall of a fictional rock group. Riley Keough, who really seems like she should be a bigger star, was wonderful in the lead role.

Dead To Me (Netflix)

Unfortunately, I really haven’t had time to binge the final season of Dead To Me but I did jump ahead and watch the final episode on Saturday afternoon. Christina Applegate and Linda Cardellini were still a great and messy team and I definitely got a bit watery-eyed at the episode’s conclusion.

The Diplomat (Netflix)

I watched the first episode of this show on Wednesday. It didn’t really hold my attention but Keri Russell was convincing as the title character and it was kind of amusing to see Michael McKean playing an apparently sincere and idealistic president.

Fleishman Is In Trouble (Hulu)

This was an excellent miniseries that I binged on Monday and Tuesday. Jesse Eisenberg and Claire Danes were excellent as a divorced couple who struggled with life in New York City. This miniseries felt like some great 70s movie that just happened to be set in 2016.

Forgive or Forget (YouTube)

I watched an episode on Thursday. Former best friends were demanding apologies. Very few apologies were given, which I think may have been due to the fact that host Robin Givens kept interrupting everyone so that she could yell at them. If Mother Love had been there, everyone would have come through the door.

House of the Dragon (HBO)

HBO’s Game of Thrones prequel turned out to be quite a bit better than I was expecting. That said, I would be lying if I said that I was always able to follow what was happening on the show without the help of Wikipedia. I had the same problem with Game of Thrones, to be honest. However, the chaos and the feeling that you could never be sure who was actually plotting what was one of the things that made both the early seasons of Game of Thrones and the first season of this show so intriguing.

The Last Of Us (HBO)

I binged this throughout the week and I have to say that I’m a bit disappointed in myself that I didn’t watch it earlier. Because I had so much to watch this week, I feel as if I rushed through the show, going from one episode to another so quickly that I didn’t get a chance to really contemplate and savor everything that happened. That said, The Last Of Us was well-acted and created a convincing dystopian society. For once, the “zombie” apocalypse felt realistic as opposed to contrived.

The Last Thing He Told Me (Apple TV+)

Enjoyably twisty and melodramatic, this adaptation of Laura Dave’s novel featured great performances from Jennifer Garner, Angourie Rice, and David Morse. Even though I had read the novel and knew what was going to happen, the show still held my interest

Love & Death (Max)

Elizabeth Olsen and Jesse Plemons were great but this limited series’s story was better told by Hulu’s Candy. As a producer and a writer, David E. Kelly has always had a tendency to rely on easy caricatures and too much of Love & Death felt like a Yankee fantasy of what life in small town Texas is like.

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about The Love Boat here!

The Master (Tubi)

I wrote about The Master here!

MH370: The Plane That Disappeared (Netflix)

During the early hours of Wednesday morning, I watched this 3-part docuseries on the Malaysian airline that mysteriously disappeared a few years ago. (Remember Don Lemmon suggesting it had flown into a black hole?) It was interesting viewing, though ultimately I think it works better as a look at how quick people are to buy into conspiracy theories than anything else.

Midnight Special (YouTube)

From 1973, the first episode of Midnight Special was hosted by Helen Reddy and featured performances from Ike and Tina Turner, George Carlin, Curtis Mayfield, Don McLean, Rare Earth, Kenny Rankin, The Byrds, and The Impressions. Helen Reddy was a bit of a boring host but the music was great.

The Old Man (Hulu)

With the Emmy nominations due to be announced next Tuesday, I finally got around to binging The Old Man this week. On the one hand, it was yet another morally ambiguous thriller featuring the government pursuing a former agent who had gone underground. On the other hand, Jeff Bridges, John Lithgow, and Amy Brenneman all brought a lot of conviction to their roles and the film was as much about dealing with one’s own morality as it was about dealing with the dark side of the intelligence community. I liked it far more than I was expecting too.

The Patient (Hulu)

I watched the first three episodes of this miniseries on Monday morning and that was enough for me. Steve Carell plays a psychiatrist who is being held captive by a serial killer (Domhnall Gleeson) who is looking for help curbing his homicidal impulses. Carell gave a great performance, proving again that he’s just as capable of doing drama as he is comedy. But, other than Carell’s performance, I found the show to be tedious and I haven’t felt any real desire to finish binging it.

Real Time With Bill Maher (Max)

I watched the episode where Russell Brand yelled at John Heilenmann. I was on Brand’s side but a lot of that has to do with Heilenmann just be annoying in general. Bernie Sanders was also on the show and seemed kind of tired of the whole thing.

Rollergames (YouTube)

On the 2nd episode of Rollergames (which I watched with Jeff and our friend Pat on Friday night), the Thunderbirds competed against Bad Attitude. Thunderbirds were heroic but Bad Attitude had style. I’m not sure who actually won.

Slasher: Ripper (Shudder)

I’m always tempted to call this program Canadian Horror Story but Slasher is actually far better than Ryan Murphy’s show. The fifth season, which I binged throughout the week, has an intriguing mystery, many macabre deaths, a lot of atmosphere, and a wonderfully villainous performance from Eric McCormack.

Trainwreck: Woodstock ’99 (Netflix)

I finally watched this docuseries on Saturday morning, after finishing up Midnight Special. I guess I was in a musical mode. The mix of hubris, greed, and celebrity that went into making Woodstock ’99 a disaster will never not be fascinating.

Welcome Back, Kotter (Tubi)

I wrote about Welcome Back Kotter here!

Retro Television Reviews: Welcome Back, Kotter 1.11 “Barbarino’s Girl” and 1.12 “California Dreamin'”

Posted on July 8, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Barbarino gets a girlfriend and Gabe nearly gets killed by Julie.

Episode 1.11 “Barbarino’s Girl”

(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on November 25th, 1975)

At the start of this episode, Gabe tells Julie a joke about his uncle and a monkey. I didn’t get it. Julie didn’t look that amused either.

At school, the Sweathogs are not in a good mood because it’s report card time! Gabe tells the Sweathogs not to panic because apparently, even if they are failing Social Studies, they still have time to raise their grades. (So, I guess Gabe is handing out progress reports as opposed to report cards.) Epstein has a note from his mother’s doctor explaining that any bad grades would be bad for her health. (He actually has several notes, one for each class.) The note is signed “Epstein’s Mother’s Doctor.”

Freddie, meanwhile, tries to bribe Gabe with a half-eaten apple while Horshack falls to his knees and begs for a good grade. Only Barbarino doesn’t beg, probably because he knows that he’s the best-looking guy in the school and when you’ve got a smile like that, who needs brains?

Gabe passes out the report cards. Epstein says, “Thanks for killing my mother.” Freddie takes back his apple. Horshack starts to laugh in his braying way. Gabe asks Horshack what’s so funny about his bad grade. Horshack replies that he’s laughing at Barbarino’s even worse grade. Barbarino, it turns out, actually does care about his grades because his mother is a saint who apparently hits him with rosary beads whenever he brings home a bad grade. Gabe says that he can’t just pass Vinne to be nice. He asks what Vinnie would become if everyone just passed him without checking to make sure that he actually learned something. “A high school graduate,” Vinnie says and he has a point.

Speaking of high school and grades and getting held back, I noticed that Barbarino, Freddie, Epstein, and Horshack appear to be the only regular members of the class. This episode featured a lot of students getting upset over their report card and I think one reason they struggled with Kotter’s class is that none of them had ever attended before. Seriously, who are half these people!? I definitely would have noticed that goony redhead sitting in the corner if he had ever attended class before this episode.

Gabe arranges for Barbarino to get some tutoring from Judy Borden (Helaine Lembeck), the same girl that ran against him for student body president. Though Judy and Barbarino initially don’t get along, they soon bond of their shared love of rhyming insults. Unfortunately, the other Sweathogs give Barbarino a hard time about his new friendship with Judy and Barbarino is stunned when Judy turns down his offer of a date. However, Judy later changes her mind and goes to Coney Island with Barbarino and the Sweathogs. Awwwww!

Back at the apartment, Gabe tells Julie a joke about his cousin, Gorgeous Jerry Kotter. It was short joke and apparently, the point was that Gorgeous Jerry had a lot of back hair.

This episode pretty much existed so that John Travolta could do his dumb but sweet routine and I have no problem with that because he did it very well and he showed off that smile that could light up a room. Plus, Barbarino and Judy Borden were a cute couple. That said, I’ll be surprised if their relationship is ever mentioned again.

Episode 1.12 “California Dreamin'”

(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on December 2nd, 1975)

At the apartment, Gabe tells Julie a joke about the time that his teacher asked him who signed the Declaration of Independence. Gabe replied, “I didn’t sign it.” Later, Gabe’s father came to the school and backed him up. Good for him.

Back at school….

Hey look! The goony redhead is back!

And the goony redhead gets some company when Mr. Woodman stops by the classroom to introduce a transfer student from California. Her name is Bambi (Susan Lanier) and she tells everyone that she loves the beach. She also requests that everyone call her Sunshine.

All the Sweathogs are smitten but Bambi seems to be more interested in Mr. Kotter, asking him what his sign is. Gabe reveals that he’s an Aquarius. “I knew it!” Bambi shouts. Bambi asks Gabe to show her around. Gabe suggests that she ask one of the Sweathogs. “They’re not groovy like you,” Bambi replies.

After the school day ends, Gabe returns to his apartment. Julie asks him why a girl named Sunshine has been repeatedly calling the apartment and asking whether or not Gabe wants to go skinny dipping. Julie is so annoyed that she even puts on her glasses so that her withering stare can be magnified.

Julie asks Gabe if he has anything to say for himself.

“Yes,” Gabe replies, “Can I go?”

Gabe explains that Sunshine has a crush on him but he also tells Julie that he’ll explain to Sunshine tomorrow that they cannot run off together. He says that he’s sure that he can get Sunshine to understand and, “If she doesn’t, I promise I’ll write.” Julie attacks Gabe with a pillow in a way that suggests that she’s genuinely furious with him. Reportedly, Marcia Strassman and Gabe Kaplan did not get along during the production of Welcome Back, Kotter and, in this episode, Julie really does seem like she’s just looking for an excuse to kill her husband.

Back in the classroom, each Sweathog tries to impress Bambi. Epstenin chants her name. Horshack shows up with a walking stick, an overcoat, and sunglasses and pretends to be a Hollywood producer. Freddie sings a calypso song about how Santa Claus is black. Barbarino rushes into the room and sings, “I’m singing ba-ba-ba-ba-Barbino!” while the audience goes crazy.

Gabe, however, asks to speak to Bambi in the hallway. He reveals that he checked her records and discovered that she’s not from California. She’s from Lubbock and she’s been to 11 different schools, where she has always caused trouble. Bambi decides to show Gabe what type of trouble she can cause by entering the room and announcing that her pencil is on Gabe’s desk. Barbarino, Freddie, Epstein, and Horshack lunge for it.

After Gabe points out how foolish everyone is acting over her, Bambi sees the folly of her ways and tells everyone the truth. The Sweathogs are very forgiving, probably because the last thing they were interested in, as far as Bambi was concerned, was what state she was from.

Back the apartment, Gabe wakes up Julie in the middle of the night to tell her about his Uncle Herbie. Julie rolls her eyes as Gabe talks about how his Aunt Estelle tried to trick Herbie into giving up alcohol and how it didn’t work.

I liked this episode more than I thought I would. My family moved around a lot when I was growing up so I could relate to how Bambi felt about having to always make a big first impression at every new school that she went to. Even if Marcia Strassman seemed to be annoyed by his very existence, Gabe Kaplan gave a good performance in this episode, especially in the scene where he confronted Bambi with the truth about her background. All in all, this was a pretty good episode.

Next week — Horshack gets promoted out of remedial classes!

Retro Television Reviews: The Master 1.9 “Kunoichi”

Posted on July 7, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing The Master, which ran on NBC from January to August of 1984. The show can be found on Tubi!

This week, McAllister and Max head to Washington, D.C.!

Episode 1.9 “Kunoichi”

(Dir by Gordon Hessler, originally aired on April 9th, 1984)

The 9th episode of The Master opens by showing us what Okasa (Sho Kosugi) has been doing since coming to America to track down and kill his former teacher, John Peter McAllister (Lee Van Cleef). Okasa has been training an apprentice of his own. The apprentice ninja is always seen while wearing a light gray ninja uniform, the better to keep the apprentice’s identity a secret until halfway through the episode.

Meanwhile, McAllister and Max (Tim Van Patten) are in Washington, D.C. As McAllister explains it, he was good friends with Brian Elkwood (Jack Kelly) when they both served in the Army together. During the Korean War, they were both held in the same POW camp and they escaped together. (This, of course, goes against McAllister’s previous backstory, which was that he left the Army after World War II and spent the next 40 years hidden away in Japan.) Elkwood is now an important advisor to the President. Apparently, Elkwood sent McAllister a letter informing him that a spy known as The Hawk was threatening his life so McAllister has come to Washington to protect him. (How exactly McAllister received a letter when he and Max are constantly driving around the country in search of McAllister’s daughter is not explained.)

At the Elkwood estate, Brian Elkwood tells his assistant, Allison Grant (Kelly Harmon), that he has been receiving letters from John Peter McAllister in which McAllister has threatened to kill him. Allison argues that McAllister has always been Elkwood’s friend but Elkwood says that people can change. Elkwood’s head of security, Ron Gordon (Rick Hill), is concerned not only about McAllister but also about uncovering the identity of The Hawk.

Or at least, that’s what Gordon claims. A few scenes later, we discover that Gordon actually is The Hawk and that he’s hired Okasa to assassinate Elkwood. Okasa is planning on framing McAllister for the assassination. The assassination will be carried about his apprentice, who we learn is close to Elkwood. The episode tries to build up a lot of suspense over who Okasa’s apprentice actually is but it’s actually pretty easy to figure out. Elkwood is not the apprentice because he’s the target. Gordon is the not apprentice because he’s the Hawk. There’s only one other guest star on this episode so obviously, the apprentice is Allison. Myself, I’m just confused as to when Okasa’s mission went from personally killing McAllister to framing him for murder.

Eventually, McAllister is able to convince Elkwood that he didn’t write the threatening letters but a sudden attack of Okasa’s apprentice leaves Elkwood hospitalized and McAllister arrested for attempted murder. Fortunately, Max is able to use his ninja training to help McAllister escape from jail and they manage to not only prevent the second attempt on Elkwood’s life but they also expose both Gordon and Allison as being enemies of the state. Yay!

This is one of those episodes where everyone, with the exception of Sho Kosugi, steps to the side and lets their stunt doubles do most of the work. There’s a lot of fights but they are all awkwardly choreographed and framed, probably in an attempt to keep the audience from noticing that Lee Van Cleef’s stunt person was notably thinner and more athletic than Lee was. As far as episodes of The Master are concerned, this was not a bad one but it still ultimately leaves the viewer feeling that it could have been so much better.

Retro Television Reviews: City Guys 5.11 “Cassidy Couch” and 5.12 “Brother From Another Mother”

Posted on July 6, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001. Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Despite the fact that the Neat Guys haven’t been neat for a while, it’s time to review two more episodes of City Guys!

Episode 5.11 “Cassidy Couch”

(Directed by Frank Bonner, originally aired on October 20th, 2001)

Chris’s dad is investing in a play being written and directed by Derek Wagner, one of Broadway’s hottest directors! (Oh yeah, Chris is rich. It’s kind of funny how that aspect of Chris’s character kind of got pushed into the background.) Cassidy thinks that she would be perfect for the lead role of an innocent pilgrim girl. Chris offers to ask his dad to pull a few strings but Cassidy says that she wants to get the job based on nothing but her ability.

When Chris and Cassidy go to the auditions, Chris is surprised to see that Cassidy is dressed up like a pilgrim. Cassidy explains that you should always dress for the role you want. Chris spots another actress waiting to try out and says that apparently, she’s planning on auditioning to be a hooker. (Boooo! Way to be judgmental, Chris.) Cassidy sees that the actress is wearing a short skirt and a tank top and she throws a fit. “Excuse me!” Cassidy snaps, before demanding why the actress is dressed like me on a warm day. The actress informs Cassidy that the director only casts attractive women and that her pilgrim outfit isn’t going to get the job done. Cassidy rips off her pilgrim outfit and auditions in her pajamas.

(Personally, I’m more interested in whether or not Cassidy is a member of Equity because I doubt Broadway’s hottest director is going to be working on a non-union show.)

Cassidy does get a part in the show, though it’s not the starring role. When Chris takes Cassidy to her first rehearsal, he overhears Derek Wagner having an argument with the actress he did cast in the lead role. The actress tells Derek that he’s a pig and then she quits. Derek then goes into the rehearsal hall and, after Cassidy approaches him and thanks him for giving her a small role, he promotes Cassidy to the lead role!

Chris is worried that Derek is “going to put the moves” on Cassidy. Cassidy is offended at Chris’s suggestions that Derek wouldn’t just cast her for her talent. But then, one night at rehearsals, Derek does exactly what Chris said he would do. Cassidy quits the play. Determined to expose Derek for being a predator, Chris and Jamal invite him onto their radio show and Derek agrees. Why would Derek agree to go on a high school radio show? It’s because the show needs Derek to do something illogical so it can end the story without having to leave the roof of Manny High. If Derek had refused to appear on the show, Cassidy wouldn’t get a chance to confront in the booth and expose him to the handful of students who are actually dorky enough to listen to Chris and Jamal’s show.

This episode dealt with a real issue so let’s give it some credit. Unfortunately, all the credit in the world isn’t going to make up for concluding the episode with Derek getting exposed on a high school radio program. Derek is a Broadway director who is busy putting together his latest show. He’s not going to appear on the Manny High Morning Show and he’s certainly wasn’t going to appear on a show hosted by the boyfriend of the actress who he just sexually harassed and then fired. Not everything can be resolved on the roof of the school, City Guys!

Don’t even get me started on the B-plot, which featured L-Train getting psychic powers and having a premonition of Ms. Noble’s impending death. Jamal, Al, and Dawn were really worried that Ms. Noble would die because apparently, these high school seniors who are on the verge of graduating don’t have a life outside of obsessing on their principal. Fear not. Ms. Noble did not die. The most interesting thing about the B-plot was that Al and Dawn were dating, despite having broken up several episodes earlier. Again, it would appear that this episode was meant to air earlier in the season but NBC aired it later, continuity be damned.

Episode 5.12 “Brother From Another Mother”

(Directed by Frank Bonner, originally aired on October 20th, 2001)

Here is the plot description of this episode, courtesy of Wikipedia:

There is a heat wave going through New York, Dawn convinces Ms. Noble to allow a small waiting pool on the roof of Manny High. Instead Al and Chris secretly set up a large swimming pool for the whole school to enjoy and relax. Ms. Noble later finds out about the pool when one of the many interruptions preventing her from having a peaceful lunch break is leaking water coming from the ceiling. She tells Al to get rid of the pool. Before he does this, Al attempts to conquer his fear of the pool and learn how to swim, but in the process he almost drowns. Ms. Noble comes in the nick of time to rescue him and decides to teach Al how to swim before she gets rid of the pool. Meanwhile, Jamal’s father and El-Train’s mother develop an attraction for each other while attending a parent-principal conference. They set up a date and have the time of their lives. Jamal freaks out and doesn’t know what to think of this blossoming relationship, the possibility of someone else being his mother, and the future of a new family. While El-Train is ecstatic that his mother is finding some happiness in her life and he is looking forward to a possible future of Jamal becoming his brother and Mr. Grant his father.

Wow, that sounds terrible! This kind of makes me glad that this episode is one of the many from season 5 that has not been uploaded to YouTube. How exactly could they put a large swimming pool on the roof with Ms. Noble noticing? And why does everything have to be on the roof? Wouldn’t it actually be hotter on the roof than it would be if they put the pool in the courtyard or something? Add to that, how many times could Jamal freak out over the possibility of his father dating someone. Grow up, Jamal!

Next week, this show will be two episodes closer to being over.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 2.22 “Love Me, Love My Dog/Poor Little Rich Girl/The Decision”

Posted on July 5, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

It’s time for Isaac’s heart to get broken, yet again!

Episode 2.22 “Love Me, Love My Dog/Poor Little Rich Girl/The Decision”

(Dir by Roger Duchowny, originally aired on February 24th, 1979)

Isaac has sworn off falling in love with passengers. As he explains it, he’s fallen in love with a movie star, a singer, a criminal, and a journalist and, every time, the romance ended as soon as the ship docked. Isaac is tired of getting his heart broken and, unlike Doc and Gopher, he doesn’t view romance as just being a game.

Still, as soon as Isaac spots Selena Moore (Debbie Allen) boarding the ship, he’s interested. He insists that he’s not going to act on his attraction but both Gopher and Doc tell him that it’s okay to just have some fun. And when Selena starts showing up at the bar and telling Isaac about her doubts about whether or not she wants to get married to her fiancé, Isaac decides to follow Gopher and Doc’s advice. He and Selena have a shipboard romance.

And, of course, Isaac falls in love. He said that he wouldn’t but he does because that’s just who Isaac is. Isaac is the most sincere character on the show. Gopher is goofy. Doc is a walking HR nightmare. Julie is practical. The Captain is stern. And Isaac is the one who impulsively falls in love, even though he knows he’s probably going to get hurt.

When Isaac trips and falls after one night of dancing, Doc jokingly declares that Isaac will never walk again. Selena runs away in tears. That really should have been a clue that she loved her fiancé more than she was letting on. When the ship finally returns home, Isaac can only watch as Selena greets her fiancé, who turns out to be an older man who uses a wheelchair. Isaac can only wipe away a tear and hand the roses that he got for Selena to a random passenger. It’s a bit sad, even though the outcome was predictable. Ted Lange and Debbie Allen both made the story work far better than one might expect it to.

And it’s a good thing that Lange and Allen worked so hard because the other two stories are nowhere near as strong.

One of the stories features Fannie Flagg as Alicia Finch, an eccentric woman who sneaks her terrier (played by Cricket) onto the boat. (Cricket gets her own credit, which is cute). Alice meets Mason Randolph (Gene Rayburn), a single man who also loves dogs! Unfortunately, Cricket starts yapping and biting whenever she sees Mason. It looks like Alicia and Mason will never be. However, when the boat docks, Mason’s dog is waiting for him. Even though Mason’s dog is quite a bit bigger than her, Cricket takes a liking to him. This story was extremely predictable and Gene Rayburn was a bit annoying as Mason. (Apparently, he was a game show host and he delivers almost all of his lines as if he’s waiting for the audience to applaud.) On the plus side, Cricket was really cute.

Finally, Suzanne Welles (Maren Jensen) is a waitress who has won the lottery but now that she’s rich, she’s not sure if auto mechanic Alan Harmon (Dennis Cole) really likes her or just wants her money. Alan is also the Captain’s mechanic and Stubing comes up with a plan that’s so stupid that it makes you wonder if he should really be in charge of cruise ship. Basically, Stubing tells Suzanne that she’s right about Alan and that he’s only after her for the money. Alan then says that the Captain is correct. Stubing thinks that if Suzanne’s suspicions are confirmed, she’ll be able to relax and fall in love with Alan without worrying about why he’s pursuing her and …. wait, what? How does that make any sense? Why would Suzanne continue to spend time with Alan after he tells her that he’s only interested in her for the money? I mean, the boat is full of single, handsome men. The plan is idiotic but somehow, it works! Everyone tells the captain that he’s a genius. Seriously, what a weird story. I mean, Isaac is pouring out his heart and getting hurt again and the Captain is busy encouraging his passengers to lie to each other.

The cruise was definitely mixed bag. The Ted Lange/Debbie Allen story was nicely done. Cricket was cute. Lauren Tewes got to wear a really pretty dress for the ship’s Mexican Fiesta Night and I loved the sparkly blue evening gown that Maren Jensen wore while having dinner at the Captain’s table. But the non-Isaac stories were, respectively, bland and incredibly dumb. I guess no vacation is perfect.

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 3.4 “Baby/Marathon”

Posted on July 4, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week’s episode is saved by the one and only Herve Villechaize.

Episode 3.4 “Baby/Marathon”

(Dir by George McCowan, originally aired on October 5th, 1979)

Fantasy Island is going to be hosting a marathon competition so Tattoo decides to greet Mr. Roarke while carrying a replica of the Olympic Torch.

Tattoo proceeds to light a huge flame in a cauldron. A group of Islanders start trying to splash water on the fire, leading to Tattoo yelling at them to leave the flame alone. Mr. Roarke, who appears to be even more disgusted than usual with Tattoo’s antics, barks at his assistant to put on his tuxedo and head down to the docks so that they can greet their guests.

Bunny Kelly (Barbi Benton), Gretchen Wasserman (Arlene Golanka), and Olaf Olafsen (Peter Isacksen) have all come to the Island so that Olaf can compete in the marathon and hopefully win enough money to keep their barbell factory open. (Don’t blame me, I didn’t write this script.) When Olaf is injured while trying to lift some weights, Bunny enters the marathon in his place! (At first, Bunny tries to disguise herself as Olaf but, when that doesn’t work, Mr. Roarke declares that Bunny can compete as herself.)

Can Bunny defeat the men who have shown up to run the marathon? Well, it won’t be easy. Bruno Glass (Bruce M. Fischer) is so evil that he often stops in the middle of the race so that he can laugh at everyone else’s misfortune. Helping out Bruno is his trainer, Dr. R.M. Funk (Dick Martin). Using techniques that would be more appropriate for a cartoon, Bruno sabotages the other racers. Somehow, Bruno is able to do this despite the fact that the entire race is being televised live to the world. Fear not! With the help of friendly competitor Eugene (Paul Petersen), Kitty makes it to the finish line. When both Kitty and Eugene sprain an ankle towards the finish line, they carry each other to a tied victory! The factory is saved and everyone falls in love!

As you have probably already guessed, the whole marathon was pretty stupid. There really didn’t seem to be any sort of set rules as to how the marathon would be run. Olaf and Gretchen grabbed a car and drove alongside Kitty for most of the race. Meanwhile, Dr. Funk was somehow able to commit numerous acts of open sabotage without anyone noticing. Because Dr. Funk and Bruno were so cartoonish, it made it difficult to take seriously the possibility that they might win. There was no suspense whatsoever, which made for a pretty boring fantasy.

I preferred the episode’s other story, in which Tattoo was placed in charge of finding a family to adopt an orphaned baby. At first, Tattoo wanted to adopt the baby himself but eventually, he realized that the child would be better off with Thomas (Joshua Gallegos) and Mary (BarBara Luna), two Islanders who already had a large family and who had more experience taking care of babies. There was nothing surprising about the story but seriously, Herve Villechaize’s portrayal of Tattoo’s dilemma was surprisingly touching. While Villechaize was notoriously difficult on the set of Fantasy Island, he also used his fame to speak out in support of abused and neglected children and he really seemed to be put his heart into this episode of Fantasy Island. When Tattoo said that he wanted to make sure the baby had the best and most loving home possible, one got the feeling that he was speaking for Villechaize as well.

So, this was yet another mixed episode of Fantasy Island. Ultimately, it was saved by the sincerity of Herve Villechaize.

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 5.7 “Joint Venture” and 5.8 “Revolver, Problem Solver?”

Posted on July 3, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Hang Time, which ran on NBC from 1995 to 2000. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Silk gets a new job and he also gets a gun! It’s a wild time in Indiana with Hang Time!

Hang Time 5.7 “Joint Venture”

(Dir by Miguel Higuera, originally aired on October 30th, 1999)

Somehow, Silk and Eugene are the new managers of Deering’s hottest club, The Matrix!

Right away, this episode the makes the mistake of asking us to suspend our disbelief. I’ve accepted a lot of weird things when it comes to Hang Time, like the entire team spending Christmas in New York and Antonio somehow just moving from Texas to Indiana without his parents. But seriously, why would two high school students be hired to manage a club? And even if you could accept the idea of two high school students being given that type of responsibility, who in their right mind would hire Silk and Eugene? We haven’t seen anything on this show to indicate that either one of them comes across as being the sort of person who could handle that much responsibility.

The club is a big hit but Silk and Eugene are shocked to discover that someone is selling marijuana in the bathroom! Instead of shutting down the club (which is what the show suggests they should have done for some reason), Eugene and Silk call the cops and arrange for two undercover cops to come to the club and arrest the dealer. However, at the same time, Kristy and Mary Beth are trying to write an award-worthy story for the school newspaper and they decide to go undercover as well. Their plan is to buy marijuana from the dealer and then write a story about it.

Yep, who wouldn’t think they were stoners?

Anyway, as you probably already guessed, this leads to the undercover cops trying to arrest not just the dealer but also Mary Beth and Kristy. Michael and Julie see the cops grabbing their friends and, since they don’t know that they’re cops, a huge brawl breaks out. The club is wrecked! For some reason, the cops then call Coach K., who comes down and yells at everyone. Luckily, only the dealer goes to jail. Eugene and Silk lose their jobs, which they never should have had in the first place.

This is the type of episode that I hate, where every single problem could have been solved by everyone not being an absolute idiot. Let’s move on.

Hang Time 5.8 “Revolver, Problem Solver?”

(Dir by Miguel Higuera, originally aired on November 6th, 1999)

Silk’s father is a cop! That seems like the sort of thing that would have been helpful during the previous episode. Anyway, this guy who was arrested by Silk’s father starts threatening Silk. The guy carries a knife and tries to stab Silk at school. Seeing as how that’s attempted murder and the attack was witnessed by Silk’s friends, it seems like it would have been pretty easy for Silk to call the cops and get the guy sent to prison for a decade. Instead, Silk decides to handle things himself by getting a gun.

Yes, really.

Meanwhile, the team needs to raise money so Mary Beth arranges a car wash. Coach K’s car ends up getting flooded with water after the team washes it without rolling up the windows. How dumb are these people? Anyway, the guy who wants to kill Silk shows up at the car wash with his knife. Silk pulls out his gun but the bad guy easily grabs it away from him. In the ensuing struggle, a shot is fired. A window shatters. Mary Beth nearly gets shot. The bad guy gets arrested and Silk get cited for having an illegal gun.

Remember when Coach K made everyone sign that contract not to do anything dangerous during the season? Under the terms of that contact, Silk should have been cut from the team. I mean, Eugene nearly got kicked off the team for wanting to ride a skateboard. Meanwhile, Silk is putting everyone’s lives in danger. But Coach K is a big old hypocrite and Silk is allowed to keep playing basketball for Deering High.

I will compliment this episode, though. For a teen sitcom that was produced by Peter Engel, the fight scene between Silk and the knife guy was surprisingly well-choreographed and filmed. As well, this is the first episode to really allow Danso Gordon to do some acting as opposed to just standing in the background and Gordon does a pretty good job with the role, even if Silk’s action don’t always seem realistic. This was another episode where almost everything that happened was the result of people not having any common sense. It had a good message about being safe and careful with guns but it was still frustrating to watch.

Next week, Kristy hangs out with a goth and Michael discovers that some people are racist. Indiana’s a crazy place.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 6/25/23 — 7/1/23

Posted on July 1, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

As a part of my effort to get caught up with all of the potential Emmy nominees, I watched a lot of television this week. This was a week of binging! Here’s a few thoughts on what I watched:

1923 (Paramount Plus)

A western set in the 1920s, starring Harrison Ford and Helen Mirren? Seriously, what took so long? Between watching Hot Fuzz last week and binging 1923 this week, I’ve also come to newly appreciate Timothy Dalton.

Are You Being Served? (Sunday Night, PBS)

The womenswear staff had to temporarily share space with the menswear staff! No one got along but the audience loved it. This show is single-handedly challenging all of my assumptions about the natural superiority of British humor.

The Bear (Hulu)

I was dreading watching The Bear because everything I read about it made it sound like the type of depressing show that I usually can’t stand but, having now binged the first season, I can now say that it was far better than I was expecting. A lot of that was due to the steady and empathetic lead performance of Jeremy Allen White. I’m looking forward to binging the second season.

Beavis and Butt-Head (Thursday, Paramount Plus)

Smart Beavis and Smart Butt-Head attempted to abduct Tom Anderson so that they could experiment on him. Unfortunately, their anal prober broke down but luckily, Tom was able to repair it. However, once he found out what it was for, he announced that he didn’t want to join the Elks that badly and he walked out of the flying saucer. Meanwhile, teen Beavis and Butt-Head tried to convince Cody to let them play his video game. Cody’s parents loved Beavis and Butt-Head. Apparently, this week’s episode was the second season finale. It was an okay wrap-up. As always, I enjoyed the Tom Anderson stuff. Cody and his parents were kind of boring but at least we got to watch Beavis and Butt-Head beat each other up while watching a relaxation video.

Dirty Pair Flash (YouTube)

On Friday night, I watched the fifth episode of Dirty Pair Flash. Lilly and Yuri were supposed to go on a stakeout but Lilly had a date. Yuri was not happy. Personally, I was on Lilly’s side. Just because you have a job, that doesn’t mean that you don’t get to have a life!

Fantasy Island (Tubi)

You can read my thoughts on Fantasy Island here!

Forgive or Forget (YouTube)

I watched an episode on Thursday. Robin Givens was giving people paternity tests. Robin yelled at all of her guests for being a bunch of cheaters. I watched another episode on Friday, in which Robin was ordering even more cheating men to “get into the doghouse.” Robin was very loud and very shrill and so was her audience. Say what you will about Mother Love’s style of hosting, at least the sound of her voice didn’t induce migraines.

A Friend of the Family (Peacock)

I finally watched this miniseries about how Jan Broberg was abducted not once but twice by the same friend of the family and oh my God, was it ever creepy! It’s easy to watch the Brobergs in this show and dismiss them as just being unbelievably naïve but, as the Jan mentioned in her introduction to the show, it was a different time. This miniseries featured excellent performances from Jake Lacey, Colin Hanks, Anna Paquin, and McKenna Grace.

Jenny Jones (YouTube)

“Stop dissing my dreams!” children said to their parents, who refused to support their show business dreams. A flustered Jenny Jones encouraged the parents to be more accepting of their kids. The show that I watched on Thursday was over 20 years old and none of the kids became stars. What a bunch of losers! Shame on them for wasting everyone’s time.

King of the Hill (Weekday Afternoons, FXX)

I watched two episodes on Friday, both of which were personal favorites of mine. First, Hank was happy that Bobby was getting into church until Hank discovered that Pastor K was a long-haired skater. This episode featured the classic line, “Don’t you realize you’re not making Christianity better, you’re just making rock and roll worse!” This was followed by the episode where Hank was excited that his new neighbor was a former Cowboy until he discovered that “Big Willy” Lane wasn’t the hero that he thought he was. These were two excellent episodes, funny and heartfelt.

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel (Prime)

The final season of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel was brilliant, with the time jumps reminding us that the story isn’t ending even if the show is. My main fear was that the show would do some sort of alternate history thing to save fan favorite Lenny Bruce but, though the temptation was undoubtedly there, the show didn’t. If Midge watching Jeopardy with Susie in 2005 didn’t bring a tear to your eye, I don’t know what to tell you.

The Master (Tubi)

I wrote about The Master here!

Only Murders In The Building (Hulu)

I enjoyed the first season of Only Murders In The Building but, even during that season, I was aware that the show would probably end up becoming a bit too self-satisfied for its own good. I could forsee a future of slumming stars stopping by to hang out with Steve Martin and Martin Short.

This week, I watched the second season with a bit of trepidation. I did end up enjoying it, even if the second season didn’t quite have the thrill of discovery that made the first so likable and replacing Sting with Amy Schumer just confirmed my fear that the show is heading towards the trap of celebrity self-indulgence. That said, Steven Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez continue to be delightful and hopefully, the show will survive season 3’s addition of Meryl Streep to the cast. (Like many talented people, Meryl is at her worse whenever she’s slumming.)

Paul T. Goldman (Peacock)

I watched this non-fiction miniseries on Monday night. It basically featured an apparently mentally disturbed man explaining his paranoid theories about why his marriage failed. To be honest, it all felt a bit mean-spirited. Paul T. Goldman didn’t seem to be in on the joke and he made some pretty serious accusations against people who weren’t there to defend themselves. The whole thing held my interest but still felt pretty icky.

Perry Mason (HBO)

It’s a shame that HBO has cancelled Perry Mason. I watched the second season this week and I found myself very much enjoying its stylish portrayal of 1930s Los Angeles. The story itself didn’t do much for me but the show was such a visual treat and Matthew Rhys was so well-cast as Mason that it was still compulsively watchable.

Shrinking (AppleTV+)

This week, I finally caught up with Shrinking, which is a dramatic sitcom about therapists and their patients. I laughed more than I was expecting to at the show’s dark humor but, to be honest, the main appeal of this show is watching Harrison Ford prove that he’s still one of our best actors. Between this and 1923, it’s hard not to regret that Harrison Ford waited so long to start doing television.

Ted Lasso (AppleTV+)

It’s finally over! I was never as huge a fan of Ted Lasso as some people were and the third and perhaps final season didn’t really hold my interest when I watched it this week. (Admittedly, some of that could be because I felt a bit rushed with the Emmys coming up.) Jason Sudeikis is a likable actor and, even if the show wasn’t my favorite, the final episode did warm my heart a bit. I will say this: if this show was your favorite, I understand why and I don’t think any less of you.

Wednesday (Netflix)

I enjoyed Wednesday more than I expected I would. Netflix has a pretty uneven history when it comes to horror adaptations (remember when Case and I used to suffer through their Sabrina show?) but Wednesday was enjoyable and, of course, Jenna Ortega was perfectly cast in the lead role.

Welcome Back Kotter (Tubi)

I wrote about Welcome Back, Kotter here!

Yellowstone (Paramount Network)

This is another show that I meant to watch earlier but I only got around to the latest season this week. I loved the mix of political melodrama and gorgeous scenery.

Yes, Minister (Monday Morning, PBS)

Jim Hacker made the mistake of thinking for himself during a television interview and talking about the need to cut back on wasteful government expenditures. Fortunately, Sir Humphrey was able to remind Hacker of his proper place.

Retro Television Reviews: Welcome Back, Kotter 1.9 “Mr. Kotter, Teacher” and 1.10 “The Reunion”

Posted on July 1, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Mr. Kotter fights for his job and, even worse, has to have to dinner with two old acquaintances from his high school days.

Episode 1.9 “Mr. Kotter, Teacher”

(Directed by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on November 4, 1975)

Gabe tells Julie a joke about two men who were both named Bernstein. The punchline is, “You don’t want me, you want Bernstein the Spy on the second floor!”

At school, Gabe has got a problem! When Woodman step into the room to observe Kotter’s teaching style, he’s stunned to discover that Kotter and the Sweathogs are sitting in a circle on the floor and that they’re talking about their future ambitions. Freddie says he wants to own the world’s tallest building and call it the Boom Boom Building. Barbarino says that he wants to be an actor like Marlon Brando and then he and Epstein act out a scene from The Godfather. (Incidentally, John Travolta does a pretty good Brando.) Gabe is amused but Woodman is not. Woodman demands that Kotter teach from the textbook. Kotter points out that the textbook is out-of-date and there’s nothing in it to which the Sweathogs can relate. Woodman promptly suspends Gabe and orders him to attend a disciplinary hearing.

This episode suffers from a bit of early installment weirdness and it wouldn’t surprise me if it was originally meant to air earlier in the season. For instance, Woodman is a lot meaner than usual. Over the past eight episodes, Woodman has often gotten frustrated and annoyed with Kotter but there’s also been a grudging respect between the two. That Woodman would be shocked by Kotter’s teaching methods and would try to get Kotter fired as a result doesn’t really fit in with what we’ve previously seen of Woodman. In fact, when Woodman previously taught Gabe’s class, he revealed himself to be a good teacher who was willing to engage with the students on their level. Previously, Woodman has been grumpy and eccentric but he’s never really been malicious.

As well, in this episode, Kotter’s suddenly gets a best friend named Charlie Piper (Arnold Soboloff). Charlie is a science teacher who drinks alcohol from a beaker. He attends Gabe’s disciplinary hearing as a character witness and, at one point, mentions that he’s known Gabe ever since the school year began …. four week ago. Again, it’s hard to believe that the previous eight episodes all occurred over the span of just a month.

Fortunately, the Sweathogs sneak into the disciplinary hearing. Eptein and Washington pretend to be window cleaners. Horshack pretends to be a janitor. Vinnie shows up dressed as a cleaning woman. They all testify that Gabe is the best teacher that they’ve ever had. The arbiter of the case, Ms. Riley (Hope Summers), is moved by their testimony and Gabe keeps his job, though he is told to start using the text book. Gabe responds by putting the book on his head and teaching the Sweathogs about good posture.

Back at his apartment, Gabe tells Julie a joke about his grandmother and a cursed ring.

This episode wasn’t bad, it just felt out of place. I appreciated Gabe’s defense of his students, in which he argued that they weren’t dumb but that they just needed a teacher willing to speak to them about their lives as opposed to someone just requiring them to memorize facts and figures. But, as I said before, Woodman is a lot more effective as a half-crazed eccentric than as a flat-out villain. Again, we’ll just describe this episode as being the result of early installment weirdness.

Episode 1.10 “The Reunion”

(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on November 18th, 1975)

Gabe asks Julie if he ever told her about the time that his Aunt Lucille took driving lessons. “No,” Julie says, “but I think I’m going to hear about it.” Not noticing that Julie doesn’t sound particularly enthused about hearing about any of this, Gabe explains that his Aunt Lucille had no idea how to signal when she was making a turn. Julie gives him a pity laugh.

Despite all the jokes, Gabe is not in a good mood. Two of his high school acquaintances, Lyle (Michael Taylor) and Mary Frances (Bridget Hanley), have invited themselves over for dinner. Not only does Gabe resent the fact that Lyle and Mary Francis always seemed to be “perfect” in high school but Julie is also planning on cooking her tuna casserole! In fact, Gabe seems to be more upset about the tuna casserole than about having to spend a night entertaining Lyle and Marcy Francis.

Naturally, after Gabe complains about the reunion during his social studies class, the Sweathogs put on their best suits and show up on Gabe’s fire escape while he’s entertaining Lyle and Mary Francis. The Sweathogs even bring food because they somehow know how terrible Julie’s tuna casserole is. Gabe confesses that he may not be as rich or as perfect as Lyle and Mary Francis but he’s happy because he’s getting to teach a great group of kids. Lyle explains that he was always jealous of Gabe because Gabe got to have fun as a Sweathog while Lyle always had to be “perfect.” Gabe learns that it was silly for him to be insecure and Lyle learns that there is more to life than just being fabulously wealthy. Awwwwwww!

Later, Gabe tells Julie a joke about an Italian man singing opera while barbecuing. The meat gets set on fire.

This episode wasn’t bad. It was interesting to see Gabe revealing that he’s not always happy about being an underpaid teacher who is probably never going to be able to afford a big apartment and it was also kind of touching to see how much both Gabe and his students cared about each other. Still, you do have to wonder why Julie keeps making the tuna casserole since literally no one in New York City is willing to eat it.

Next week: Vinnie gets a tutor!