Robert S. Telford – Through the Shattered Lens

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Is your mind on a new romance? Are you ready to set sail for adventure?

Episode 8.11 “My Mother, My Chaperone/The Present/The Death and Life of Sir Albert Demerest/Welcome Aboard”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on November 24th, 1984)

Your Love Boat crew is sailing to London!

This is another one of those two-hour episodes that was shot on location. I always enjoy these episodes, even if they are mostly just extended travelogues. This one actually has a few good storylines to go along with the scenes of the crew walking around London and France.

For instance, Marc Singer plays John Neary, Judy’s ex-husband who boards the cruise in an attempt to win her back. This was the first storyline to really feature Judy as someone other than just the perky replacement for Julie. We saw how happy she was at the prospect of getting together with John but we also saw how John consumed her life to the extent that she started screwing up at work. When John suggested that Judy’s job really wasn’t that important to begin with, we saw why their marriage failed in the first place. This was the first episode in which Judy really felt like a member of the group.

Colleen Dewhurst played Maud Correll (Colleen Dewhurst), a former actress who is sailing to London with her son, Byron (Peter Barton). On the cruise, Maud tells Byron that his father is actually the distinguished actor, Sir Albert Demerest (Trevor Howard). In London, Maud and Sir Albert meet and, in a wonderfully acted scene, Sir Albert says he isn’t sure that he wants to meet the son that he previously didn’t know he had. “It’s been 20, 21 years,” Sir Albert says, “it’s too late.” Still, Byron wants to be an actor and he visits Sir Albert at work. Albert is filming a commercial and he keeps flubbing his lines. At first, Byron is upset that his father would sell out his talents but eventually, he comes to understand that, sometimes, an actor doesn’t have a choice. The bills have to be paid.

This story was surprisingly good. Dewhurst, Howard, and Barton all gave heartfelt performances. Howard was obviously not in the best of health when he appeared on The Love Boat but his fragile appearance only adds to the poignance of the story.

Speaking of good performances, the great German actress Lili Palmer plays novelist Lily Marlowe. Lily is a cynic about love and she’s concerned when she sees that her virginal daughter, Samantha (Anna-Alicia), is falling for Roger Wembly (Morgan Stewart). And when Samantha runs into Roger’s wife in London, it appears that Lily is right. However, Roger then takes over Speakers’ Corner and gives a speech about how much he loves Samantha and how he and his wife are getting divorced. He wins over both Samantha and Lily. While the story might have been a standard Love Boat melodrama (and how convenient was that divorce?), the scenes of Lily, Samantha, and Roger in London were nice to look at. (Rainy, misty London was lovely.) And the use of Speakers’ Corner was a reminder of what the UK used to be.

Finally, Kathy Ross (Loretta Swit) decides to test the fidelity of her husband, Leonard (Dennis Holahan), by hiring a prostitute to seduce him. The prostitute, Monika (Catherine Oxenberg), hopes to get her hands on Leonard’s money by lying and breaking up his marriage with Kathy. But, after seeing how terrible Leonard feels after Kathy leaves him, Monika has a change of heart and tells the truth. This was the weakest of the episode’s stories but Catherine Oxenberg did have a few funny lines.

All in all, this was a great cruise! London brought out the best of The Love Boat.

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

This week, Mark falls in love and Jonathan directs a movie.

Episode 1.10 “Help Wanted: Angel”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on November 21st, 1984)

This is a strange episode.

The first half of the episode plays out like almost a parody of Highway to Heaven. In fact, I would assume that it was a parody except for the fact that this was only the show’s tenth episode and that’s a bit early for any show to start intentionally parodying itself.

Still in Hollywood, Jonathan and Mark come across a sign that has been posted by someone named Joey. “Angels Needed,” the sign says. The sign has an address that turns out to be a community center, one that is populated by a mix of cranky retired people and young criminals. The center’s maintenance worker is a developmentally challenged young man named Joey Smalls (Dennis Fimple). Joey put up his sign because he wants an angel to help an elderly screenwriter named Martin Lamm (John Lormer). Martin has written a script about a magician and he wants to not only make the film but also fill the cast with people from the neighborhood.

No sooner have Mark and Jonathan stepped into the community center and met Joey and Martin then they are suddenly joined by a man named Petros (Al Ruscio). Petros speaks in a thick Greek accent and he says that he has also seen Joey’s sign, he has read Martin’s script, and he wants to produce the movie. And he wants Jonathan to direct it and Mark to play the role of a sea captain who falls in love with a woman who has “a past,” as Petros puts it. As the woman, they cast Stella (Stella Stevens), who actually does have a past.

We then jump forward several weeks. Jonathan is directing the film, even though he doesn’t seem to have a crew and we don’t actually see any cameras filming anything. Joey has impressed everyone with the sincerity of his acting and he is now friends with former gang member, Chewy (Randy Vasquez). Mark, meanwhile, is falling in love with Stella.

So, that’s the first half of the episode. It’s all very broadly acted and the dialogue frequently crosses the line from sentimental to mawkish. I have to admit that I rolled my eyes more than a few times because it all felt so overdone.

But then, the second half of the episode opens with Petros approaching Jonathan. Jonathan asks Petros about his past. Petros says that he was born in Galilee and that, before starting his current line of work, he was a fisherman. Jonathan realizes that Petros is actually St. Peter and he’s been sent down to help Jonathan out with his mission. It turns out that Jonathan’s mission is not really about Joey or Martin. Instead, it’s about Stella, who is going to die and it’s about Mark, who is about to lose the woman that he’s fallen in love with. Realizing that Stella’s character is also going to die in the movie that he’s supposedly directing, Jonathan asks if they can just rewrite the script but Peter tells him that they can’t. What is going to happen is going to happen.

And it does happen, though not before Mark asks Stella to marry him and Stella says yes. When she finds out that she’s ill, Stella leaves Mark a note saying that she’s dumping him for an ex-boyfriend. At first, Mark is angry but, with Jonathan’s help, he realizes the truth. Mark finds Stella waiting for him on the beach where they filmed their scenes for the movie and they get married as the ocean crashes behind them. And then, off-screen, Stella dies.

And I went from rolling my eyes to actually wiping away tears because, as broad and kind of annoying as the first half of the episode was, the second half was sensitively directed by Michael Landon and sincerely acted by both Victor French and Stella Stevens. If the first half felt like a parody, the second half was a reminder of why this show still remains popular on so many streaming platforms. At its best, there was an unapologetic earnestness to Highway to Heaven. This was a show that said that it was okay to cry and to have emotions and to care about people. This was a strange episode but, ultimately, a surprisingly effective one.