Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Highway to Heaven 1.10 “Help Wanted: Angel”

Posted on November 30, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

This week, Mark falls in love and Jonathan directs a movie.

Episode 1.10 “Help Wanted: Angel”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on November 21st, 1984)

This is a strange episode.

The first half of the episode plays out like almost a parody of Highway to Heaven. In fact, I would assume that it was a parody except for the fact that this was only the show’s tenth episode and that’s a bit early for any show to start intentionally parodying itself.

Still in Hollywood, Jonathan and Mark come across a sign that has been posted by someone named Joey. “Angels Needed,” the sign says. The sign has an address that turns out to be a community center, one that is populated by a mix of cranky retired people and young criminals. The center’s maintenance worker is a developmentally challenged young man named Joey Smalls (Dennis Fimple). Joey put up his sign because he wants an angel to help an elderly screenwriter named Martin Lamm (John Lormer). Martin has written a script about a magician and he wants to not only make the film but also fill the cast with people from the neighborhood.

No sooner have Mark and Jonathan stepped into the community center and met Joey and Martin then they are suddenly joined by a man named Petros (Al Ruscio). Petros speaks in a thick Greek accent and he says that he has also seen Joey’s sign, he has read Martin’s script, and he wants to produce the movie. And he wants Jonathan to direct it and Mark to play the role of a sea captain who falls in love with a woman who has “a past,” as Petros puts it. As the woman, they cast Stella (Stella Stevens), who actually does have a past.

We then jump forward several weeks. Jonathan is directing the film, even though he doesn’t seem to have a crew and we don’t actually see any cameras filming anything. Joey has impressed everyone with the sincerity of his acting and he is now friends with former gang member, Chewy (Randy Vasquez). Mark, meanwhile, is falling in love with Stella.

So, that’s the first half of the episode. It’s all very broadly acted and the dialogue frequently crosses the line from sentimental to mawkish. I have to admit that I rolled my eyes more than a few times because it all felt so overdone.

But then, the second half of the episode opens with Petros approaching Jonathan. Jonathan asks Petros about his past. Petros says that he was born in Galilee and that, before starting his current line of work, he was a fisherman. Jonathan realizes that Petros is actually St. Peter and he’s been sent down to help Jonathan out with his mission. It turns out that Jonathan’s mission is not really about Joey or Martin. Instead, it’s about Stella, who is going to die and it’s about Mark, who is about to lose the woman that he’s fallen in love with. Realizing that Stella’s character is also going to die in the movie that he’s supposedly directing, Jonathan asks if they can just rewrite the script but Peter tells him that they can’t. What is going to happen is going to happen.

And it does happen, though not before Mark asks Stella to marry him and Stella says yes. When she finds out that she’s ill, Stella leaves Mark a note saying that she’s dumping him for an ex-boyfriend. At first, Mark is angry but, with Jonathan’s help, he realizes the truth. Mark finds Stella waiting for him on the beach where they filmed their scenes for the movie and they get married as the ocean crashes behind them. And then, off-screen, Stella dies.

And I went from rolling my eyes to actually wiping away tears because, as broad and kind of annoying as the first half of the episode was, the second half was sensitively directed by Michael Landon and sincerely acted by both Victor French and Stella Stevens. If the first half felt like a parody, the second half was a reminder of why this show still remains popular on so many streaming platforms. At its best, there was an unapologetic earnestness to Highway to Heaven. This was a show that said that it was okay to cry and to have emotions and to care about people. This was a strange episode but, ultimately, a surprisingly effective one.

Retro Television Reviews: Half Nelson Episode 1.5 “Diplomatic Immunity”

Posted on April 14, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Half Nelson, which ran on NBC from March to May of 1985. Almost all nine of the show’s episodes can be found on YouTube!

L.A. …. you belong to me….

Episode 1.5 “Diplomatic Immunity”

(Dir by Alan Cooke, Originally aired on April 12th, 1985)

Somebody is stealing luxury cars in Beverly Hills! Detective Hamill (Gary Grubbs) is pretty sure that he’s caught the responsible party, a teenager who was seen near one of the cars when it was taken. The teenager, who is in danger of losing his athletic scholarship, insists that he was just thinking about stealing the car but he didn’t actually do it. Instead, the car was stolen by some guy who arrived on the scene via a limousine. Why would a car thief be getting transported around in a limo?

That’s what Rocky Nelson (Joe Pesci) wants to find out! Just as in the previous episodes, everyone tells Rocky to not get involved. The police tell Rocky to stay out of the way. Rocky’s boss, Chester (Fred Williamson), tells him that it’s not his concern. Rocky’s landlord, Mr. Martin (Dean Martin), stops by the guesthouse to use Rocky’s phone and, though he doesn’t say not to get involved, it’s still pretty obvious that Dean Martin doesn’t care about the car thieves.

Only Rocky cares! Actually, Kurt (Bubba Smith) and Beau (Dick Butkus) care as well. In fact, in this episode, Kurt and Beau get almost as much screen time as Rocky. They follow Rocky around, hoping to learn how to become better detectives. As critical as I can sometimes be of Dick Butkus’s character on Hang Time, he was actually pretty funny on Half Nelson. He and Bubba Smith made a good comedy team and they seem to be having so much fun together that it makes up for the fact that neither one of them had much range as an actor. For instance, when Rocky goes to Beverly Hills High School to do some investigating, Kurt and Beau follow him. Kurt and Beau claim to be two new teachers at the school. “We got traded to this school from Harvard,” Beau says before Kurt explains that they got traded for another teacher and several draft picks. It’s a dumb joke but Butkus and Smith sell it with their enthusiasm.

Eventually, Rocky figures out that the car theft ring is being led by a diplomat (John Saxon) from Central America. Saxon pretends to be collecting money for charity but he’s actually just stealing cars and smuggling them out of the country. Rocky’s investigative techniques are not particularly complex. He “borrows” an expensive car from the studio and then hides in the trunk with his pitbull, Hunk. When Saxon’s henchman (Lewis van Bergen) steals the car, Rocky and Hunk jump into action. Hunk cripples the thief by biting his ankle and then Rocky and his dog run away as the car explodes. “Run, Hunk, run!” Rocky yells.

Rocky, Kurt, and Beau manage to catch Saxon right before he boards a plane to leave the country. The teenager is freed from jail. As he leaves his cell, he complains about the incompetence of the cops. Rocky yells at him for being disrespectful. It’s the best scene in the show, just because it feels spontaneous. It’s almost as if Pesci himself suddenly got mad and started yelling at the kid.

Rocky, Amanda (Victoria Jackson, who has been underused in every episode, with the exception of the pilot), and the rest of the Beverly Hills Security team throws a birthday party for Chester. Dean Martin does not show up. The end credits roll.

Half Nelson‘s main weakness is that, despite having an once-in-a-lifetime cast, the plots tend to feel somewhat generic. It just doesn’t feel right to have actors like Joe Pesci, Fred Williamson, Dean Martin, and even Dick Butkus and Bubba Smith dealing with the type of boring cases that any 80s TV detective could have solved. That said, compared to the previous episodes of Half Nelson that I’ve watched, this episode was okay. Pesci got to show off his streetwise attitude and, as always, he seemed to be happiest when acting opposite Dean Martin. John Saxon was stuck playing a one-note villain but it’s still always enjoyable to watch Saxon as he plots to do something bad. This episode was enjoyable if not exactly memorable.

Retro Television Reviews: Half Nelson Episode 1.4 “Uppers and Downers”

Posted on April 7, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The adventures of Rocky Nelson continue!

Episode 1.4 “Uppers and Downers”

(Dir by James Sheldon, originally aired on April 5th, 1985)

When a burglar alarm goes off in Beverly Hills, it’s Rocky Nelson (Joe Pesci) of Beverly Hills Patrol to the rescue! Reaching the mansion of a local businessman (played by Cliff Gorman), Rocky discovers that the alarm was set off by a racoon.

(“A racoon is Beverly Hills!?” Gorman’s wife says, in a tone that suggests that racoons are unknown creatures in California.)

Rocky also happens to spot the next door neighbor (Nancy Stafford) leading her personal trainer into her house, whispering that she’s going to show him her bedroom. At first, Rocky is amused but, later that day, Rocky hears that the personal trainer has been found, floating in Stafford’s swimming pool. Stafford claims that the trainer had a heart attack while swimming but, upon arriving at the scene, Rocky immediately figures out that the trainer died in the house and was then dragged out to the pool. Stafford swears that she didn’t kill him and Rocky believes her. However, when the autopsy report reveals that the trainer was dead before he was put in the pool, Stafford is arrested and charged with murdering him by hitting him over the head.

Despite being told by his boss (Fred Williamson) to stay away from the case, Rocky feels that he has to prove Stafford’s innocence. Rocky’s first plan is to have his associates, Kurt (Bubba Smith) and Beau (Dick Butkus), disguise themselves as mortuary attendants and steal the trainer’s body from the crematorium. Rocky then takes the body to a coroner who does a second autopsy and discovers that not only did the trainer have a heart attack but that he was also poisoned! Someone slipped the trainer a pill that was specifically designed to cause a heart attack. Now, it’s up to Rocky to discover who that person was and clear Stafford’s name before Stafford’s husband (Brett Halsey, a veteran of Italian horror and spaghetti westerns) files for divorce.

Rocky deduces that the trainer was probably targeted by a jealous husband. Rocky decides to disguise himself as a physical trainer so that he can get close to all of the dead man’s former clients. How does Rocky prepare for this role? He does calisthenics with his landlord, Dean Martin. When Rocky mentions that he needs someone to determine whether or not his clients are lying to him, Dean Martin suggests that he steal a lie detector from the set of “Burt’s new film.” (I’m guessing that Burt was a reference to Burt Reynolds, Dean’s co-star in two Cannonball Run films.) Rocky promptly goes down to the studio backlot and steals a bunch of Burt Reynolds’s property.

(The backlot was a prominent and amusing part of the show’s pilot but it was ignored during last week’s episode. I was glad to see it back for this episode because Dean Martin instructing Joe Pesci to steal Burt Reynolds’s lie detector will never not be amusing.)

Rocky meets with all of the dead trainer’s clients and tricks them into hooking themselves up to the lie detector by telling them that it’s a instrument that will check their heart rate. Rocky discovers that any number of people could have wanted the trainer dead. However, those of us in the audience already knows that Cliff Gorman is the murderer because we witnessed Gorman gloating about it earlier in the episode. Rocky eventually figures it out as well and tricks Gorman into confessing by pretending to take one of the heart attack pills while driving Gorman around Beverly Hills.

Thanks to the visit to the studio lot and Dean Martin’s eccentric performance, this episode was an improvement on last week’s. That said, it still suffered from the fact that the murder itself wasn’t that interesting (with Gorman’s ruthless businessman not getting much characterization beyond being evil). Despite being second and third-billed in the opening credits, neither Victoria Jackson nor Fred Williamson got to do much in this episode and considering that both of those performers had their own unique and eccentric style, it feels like a bit of waste to just have them sitting in the office and uttering just a handful of lines per episode. The main appeal of the show continues to be Joe Pesci, who brings a lot of streetwise charm to Rocky. In the episodes that I’ve watched so far, Pesci is likable and engaging as Rocky and I think his performance would surprise a lot of people who are used to Pesci playing killers with hair-trigger tempers. Rocky is smart and tough but ultimately rather friendly. In his performance in Half Nelson, one can see hints of his later performance in The Irishman, I just wish the rest of this show was as consistently good.

Next week: Joe Pesci faces off against John Saxon! That sounds promising! We’ll see how it goes.