Today’s music video has a dream-like and somewhat ominous atmosphere to it. Watching this video, you get the feeling that you’re watching a world that’s on the verge of ending.
Enjoy!
Tag Archives: review
Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Baywatch Nights 1.7 “Pressure Cooker”
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, an detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997. The entire show is currently streaming on Youtube!
This week, Mitch, Ryan, and Lou are held hostage!
Episode 1.7 “Pressure Cooker”
(Dir by Gus Trikonis, originally aired on November 11, 1995)
Episode seven of Baywatch Nights opens with Mitch and Garner, once again, whining about their job. They have been hired to work undercover in a fried chicken restaurant that has been robbed five times. Garner wears a chicken costume and greets the customers. Mitch works in the kitchen. This is not the type of work that Mitch and Garner had in mind when they decided to become part-time private investigators.
In his opening voice over, Mitch says that sometimes, you have to do what you have to do to pay your bills. Here’s the thing, though. Mitch is a lifeguard. He’s not just a lifeguard but he’s one of the top lifeguards in California. So, no, he doesn’t need to work as a private eye to pay his bills. I don’t care how much Mitch complains about the job. I think he just secretly enjoys working as a cook in a fast food restaurant. And good for him, if that’s the case! Myself, I like fried chicken and I respect anyone who cooks it for a living.
Eventually, the scummy Sosa brothers show up at the restaurant and try to rob the place. Garner and Mitch are able to stop the robbery but they only manage to capture one brother, Manny Sosa (Cliff Dorfman). Duke (Joseph Spencer) and Nick Sosa (Rich Werner) escape.
Later, Duke and Nick show up at Nights, which is the nightclub that doubles as the office of the detective agency. Because it’s the afternoon, Nights is not open to general public but that doesn’t stop Duke and Nick from taking Mitch, Ryan, and Lou Raymond (Lou Rawls) hostage. (Lou is the owner of Nights. Despite the fact that Lou Rawls was prominently featured in the opening credits of each episode, this is only his second appearance on the show.) Duke demands that Manny be released from prison or he’s going to start shooting hostages!
While they wait out the situation, Lou plays the piano and sings a song while Duke dances with Ryan. Meanwhile, Garner waits outside the club with the police and the press. Eventually, reporter Stormy Walters (Sandra Dee Robinson) is invited to enter the club with her crew so that she can interview Duke and get some footage of him dancing with Ryan. Garner puts on a fake beard and pretends to be Stormy’s sound guy.
As soon as Mitch sees Garner, he nudges Ryan and says, “It’s Garner!” Even though Mitch whispers, it still seems like a reckless thing to point out when there’s two gun-toting maniacs in the club. Fortunately, the Sosa brothers are pretty stupid so Mitch, Garner, and Ryan are able to give them a beat down. Unfortunately, before the situation is resolved, both Lou and Garner are shot but, apparently, not seriously.
This episode …. eh. As I’ve said elsewhere on this site, I am just not a fan of shows about hostage situations. As soon as the Sosa brothers show up at the club, the narrative momentum comes to a grinding halt and all that’s left is 30 minutes of sweaty losers pointing guns at people and shouting. It gets a little boring. As well, the Sosas were so stupid that, even when they were shooting people, it was difficult to take them seriously as dangerous criminals. They were just idiots.
Next week, we get the origin story as we learn how Mitch and Garner came to work with Ryan in the first place!
Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 4.6 “With Affection, Jack the Ripper/Gigolo”
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. Almost the entire show is currently streaming is on Youtube, Daily Motion, and a few other sites.
This week, Fantasy Island is full of gigolos and harlots!
Episode 4.6 “With Affection, Jack The Ripper/Gigolo”
(Dir by Michael Vejar, originally aired on November 29th, 1980)
“Here comes a real wimp!” Tattoo declares as Stanley Hocker (Ken Berry) stumbles off of the airplane.
Roarke rolls his eyes at Tattoo’s rudeness but then goes on to admit that most people would consider Stanley to be a bit of a wimp. Stanley is shy and awkward and he wears dorky clothes and he’s never had much success with romance. Stanley’s fantasy is to become a gigolo.
“Good luck!” Tattoo says.
Roarke doesn’t need luck when he can get just give Stanley a magical bracelet that once belonged to Don Juan. As soon as the bracelet appears on Stanley’s wrist, Stanley is suddenly confident, cool, and much better dressed.
“I’m not a turkey anymore!” Stanley declares, “I’m a hunk!”
Soon, every woman on the Island is attracted to Stanley. However, a trip to the Fantasy Island singles bar, leaves Stanley with a large bar tab. It turns out that Roarke may have given Stanley the bracelet but he didn’t give him any extra money. The bill is paid by another gigolo, Monty (Lyle Waggoner). In return for his help, Monty requests that Stanley seduce the wealthy Jessie De Winter (Carolyn Jones) so that Monty can make a move on Jessie’s niece, Dina (Meredith McRae).
Of course, Stanley falls in love with Dina but she’s the only woman on the Island who is not impressed with his gigolo style. Stanley finally agrees to remove the bracelet and sacrifice his fantasy so that he can approach Dina as his true self.
While this is going on, Jack the Ripper is stalking Fantasy Island! Yikes!
It’s all the fault of Lorraine Peters (Lynda Day George). Lorraine has developed a theory that Jack the Ripper was actually a surgeon named Dr. Albert Z. Fell (Victor Buono, rarely speaking but often dramatically rolling his eyes). Lorraine’s fantasy is to go back to 1880s London to find proof of her theory. Despite some reservations, Roarke gives Lorraine her fantasy. Lorraine steps through a time door and finds herself in London. She manages to find Dr. Fell’s office and a diary in which Fell has written about his hatred of “harlots.” However, Dr. Fell also finds the time door, steps through it, and is soon on Fantasy Island!
Upon discovering that history’s most infamous murderer is now stalking the Island, Roarke sends Tattoo out to let everyone know that they need to stay inside. Of all the people that Roarke could send, it’s interesting that Roarke selected the person least likely to survive if he was caught by Jack the Ripper. Seriously, there are a lot of athletic guys on Fantasy Island and any one of them could have beaten up the rather portly and middle-aged Jack the Ripper. Instead of asking one of them to look for the killer, Roarke sends Tattoo. Even in a moment of crisis, Roarke is always looking for a way to get rid of his assitant.
Fortunately, Dr. Fell is too busy trying to kill Lorraine and her boyfriend, Robert (Alex Cord), to waste any time on Tattoo. Dr. Fell chases Lorraine all across the island. Lorraine leads Fell back through the time door and Fell is promptly run over by a carriage in London. Lorraine returns to the present and tells Mr. Roarke that she’s decided not to reveal the truth about Dr. Fell because …. well, I don’t know why.
Despite some lapses in logic, the Jack the Ripper story was actually really entertaining. There was nothing subtle about Victor Buono’s performance but it was still exactly what the story needed. Lynda Day George was appearing in films like Pieces and Mortuary when she appeared in this episode and she puts that horror experience to good use. The scenes in London were atmospheric and the idea of Jack the Ripper on Fantasy Island was intriguing, even if the episode didn’t do as much with the idea as it could have. The superior Jack the Ripper fantasy and the silly but inoffensive gigolo fantasy combined to make this an enjoyable trip to Fantasy Island.
Music Video of the Day: Get Right by Jennifer Lopez (2005, dir by Francis Lawrence)
I hope everyone had a great holiday!
Let’s start the final week of 2023 with Jennifer Lopez playing seven different characters in the video for Get Right. This video was directed by Francis Lawrence, who famously worked with another Jennifer when he took over directing duties on The Hunger Games franchise.
Enjoy!
Late Night Retro Television Reviews: CHiPs 1.7 “Taking Its Toll”
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983. The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!
This week, Jon Baker gives up a dream.
Episode 1.7 “Taking Its Toll”
(Dir by Georg Fenady, originally aired on November 3rd, 1977)
Inspired by his hero Joseph Wambaugh, Jon Baker is writing a book. It’s a novel all about the crazy things that he has seen as a member of the California Highway Patrol. Ponch is one of the main characters. Of course, Baker is mostly focusing on all of the times that Ponch has screwed up. On his writer’s board, Baker has cards that read, “Ponch Falls In Glue,” “Ponch Loses His Bike,” and “Ponch Rips His Pants.” Ponch, when he discovers what Jon is doing, isn’t necessarily happy about being held up to ridicule but then Baker promises to portray Ponch as a hero, a modern-day Roman centurion who rides his bike like a horse into battle.
This episode provides Baker with plenty of material. Two blonde surfer dudes are robbing people who are stopped at toll booths and then making their escape in stolen sports cars. As well, a man crashes his car and, when the highway patrol investigates, they discover a bomb in the back seat! The bomb squad is called but what about the innocent motorcyclist who is trapped underneath the car? If the bomb blows up, not only will the motorcyclist be killed but so will Ponch, the officer who is trying to keep him calm. (Don’t worry, the bomb doesn’t blow up.) As well, when a truck carrying a bunch of onions has an accident, it leads to onions all over the road! Ponch, Baker, Bear, and even Gatraer end up shedding some tears while directing traffic.
It sounds like it will make a great book but, unfortunately, Baker discovers that, as a cop, he’s not really allowed to freely write a book about his experiences. Instead, he has to clear everything with the legal department and then ask permission before even trying to get the book published. (As Gatraer explains it, the California Highway Patrol has to protect its image.) To Ponch’s disappointment, Baker abandons the book and throws away his plot cards. Fear not, though! Ponch says he’s going to write his own book and even commandeers Baker’s typewriter to do so.
(Yes, a typewriter. Seriously, I can’t imagine writing anything without having the ability to just highlight a paragraph and delete the entire thing without the click of a button.)
This was one of those day-in-the-life episodes that didn’t really add up to much. Interestingly enough, the emphasis was often less on Baker and Ponch and more on the idea of the entire California police force — from the Highway Patrol to the Sheriff’s Department to the Bomb Squad — all working together to keep people safe. The best part of the episode came early on with an exciting chase between Baker and the toll thieves. For the most part, though, this episode just left me thinking about how an episode that featured Baker writing a book somehow still managed to largely focus on Ponch. Watching this episode, I could understand why Larry Wilcox was reportedly not always happy with the direction of the show. Even when its about Baker, CHiPs is still largely the Ponch Show.
Retro Television Reviews: Miami Vice 1.16 “Smuggler’s Blues”
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
This week, Crockett and Tubbs head down to Colombia and learn about the smuggler’s blues!
Episode 1.16 “Smuggler’s Blues”
(Dir by Paul Michael Glaser, originally aired on Feb. 1st, 1985)
Someone is blowing up drug dealers and their families in Miami. Homicide Detective Jones (Ron Vawter) doesn’t know why anyone cares about a bunch of smugglers being killed but DEA Agent Ed Waters (a youngish Richard Jenkins) is concerned that a vigilante is on the loose.
If there is a vigilante on the loose, who could it be? Well, we know that it’s not going to be any of our regular cast members, even if Castillo does seem to be kind of tightly wound. So, that really leaves Jones and Waters as our only two suspects. Looking over the notes that I trotted down for this episode, I see that I immediately said that Waters had to be the killer because, when the killer anonymously called the Department towards the end of the episode, I instantly recognized Richard Jenkins’s voice. Of course, it turned out I was totally wrong. Detective Jones turned out to be the killer and apparently, I have no idea what Richard Jenkins actually sounds like.
Anyway, before Detective Jones can be revealed as the murder, Crockett and Tubbs have to go to Colombia so that they can go undercover as dealers and purchase a large amount of cocaine. The idea is that the vigilante will target either Crockett and Tubbs or they’ll go after Trudy, who is undercover as Tubbs’s wife. Working on their own, Crockett and Tubbs recruit a pilot named Jimmy Cole (Glenn Frey) to fly them to Colombia.
Former Eagle Glenn Frey was specifically cast in this episode because the plot was largely based on a song that he had written, Smuggler’s Blues. (The episode’s script was written by Miguel Pinero, who played Calderone earlier in the season.) The song is played throughout the episode, the lyrics hammering home one of Miami Vice‘s key themes. The war on drugs can never be won because there’s way too much money to be made in smuggling and selling.
It’s a good episode, one that features a likable guest turn from Glenn Frey and plenty of action. When Crockett and Tubbs land in Colombia, they find themselves having to fight off both enforcers and cops. Their only ally is Cole, a man who they would normally be expected to arrest, (In a nicely acted scene, Tubbs and Cole bond over the fact that they both served in Vietnam.) Back in the United States, Crockett, Tubbs, and Cole have to fight off a thief, played by Richard Edson. And after all that, it’s still up to Tubbs and Crockett to save Trudy from being blown up in a trailer and this leads to wonderfully tense bomb disarming scene. In the end, Crockett and Tubbs score a victory but we are left with little doubt that it will only be a temporary one. That’s the politics of contraband, to quote both the song and the show.
Music Video of the Day: Silent Night by Sinead O’Connor (2009, dir by ????)
Have a safe and merry holiday.
Enjoy!
Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Degrassi Junior High 2.2 “A Helping Hand”
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi Junior High, which aired on CBC and PBS from 1987 to 1989! The series can be streamed on YouTube!
This week, Degrassi goes there!
Episode 2.2 “A Helping Hand”
(Dir by Kit Hood, originally aired on January 14th, 1988)
There’s a lot of drama to be found in this week’s episode of Degrassi Junior High. In fact, this is actually the first episode that I’ve seen that juggled three on-going B-plots along with the A-plot. Watching this episode felt very much like being dropped into a real middle school where everyone has some sort of drama playing out in their lives.
For instance, Shane tells Spike that he told his parents about Spike being pregnant. For a moment, Spike is proud of Shane for finally doing the right thing. Then, she finds out that Shane’s parents want to meet with Spike and her mother, which is something that neither Spike nor Shane are looking forward to dealing with. Shane also mentions that his father is a preacher. Even though the meeting doesn’t actually happen during this episode, I can already guess what’s probably going to happen when it does. It’s never a good sign when someone on Degrassi is a preacher’s kid.
Meanwhile, Stephanie is upset that Alexis is still wearing Stephanie’s old clothes and that she’s still dating Simon as result. At first, Alexis refuses to return Stephanie’s clothes but, after Alexis’s mom comes across them, Alexis is ordered to return them. An excited Stephanie changes back into her trampy clothes and smiles at Simon in the hallway and Simon totally ignores her. Ouch!
As for Stephanie’s former crush, Wheels is struggling in school and running the risk of being held back a grade. His parents have even declared that Wheels can no longer be the Zit Remedy’s bass player until his “marks” improve. With the support of Ms. Avery, Wheels gets his eyes checked and he gets a pair of glasses! (Those of you who know your Degrassi history know what an important moment this is. Those glasses — and eventually a mullet — would become Wheels’s trademark.) Wheels can now see but Joey and Snake aren’t sure if there’s ever been a rock star with glasses.
“What about John Lennon?” Wheels asks.
“Who?” Joey replies.
“Some 60s guy,” Snake explains.
(Did Canada ban the Beatles?)
With Wheels temporarily sidelined by his bad grades, Joey and Snake look for a substitute bassist and just happen to hear Simon playing a bass guitar. Simon may not have Wheels’s tragic past (and future) but he does have perfect eyesight.
Finally, in this episode’s main plot, Mr. Raditch is in the hospital so his homeroom gets a substitute teacher. Mr. Colby (Marcus Bruce) is dorky but likable, a youngish teacher who wears goofy sweaters and who encourages his students to think for themselves and who is extremely touchy-feely when it comes to Lucy. Lucy, who is still on probation for shop lifting and who is lonely since her best friend Voula moved away, at first appreciates Mr. Colby’s attention. She gets upset when L.D. (Amanda Cook) says that Mr. Colby is creepy.
“You’re just jealous!” Lucy snaps, despite the fact that L.D. is her new clothes-borrowing best friend.
“At least I’m not a shoplifter!” L.D. yells back.
(Ouch! Then again, maybe if L.D. was a shoplifter, she’d actually have some decent clothes of her own to wear.)
Eventually, Mr. Colby asks Lucy to stay after class. When he puts his hand on her back and whispers that she’s a very special student, Lucy realizes that L.D. was right! Fortunately, Wheels is standing on the other side of the door and, with his new super-vision, he sees what Mr. Colby is up to. Wheels steps into the classroom and says that he needs to get a book. Lucy takes advantage of the distraction to make her escape.
The next day, Mr. Colby passes Lucy in the hallway and tells her not to say anything about what happened before adding that, of course, nothing did happen. Lucy just misinterpreted his attempts to be friendly. What a creep! Wheels approaches Lucy and offers to testify on her behalf. Lucy smiles as the jarringly cheerful theme music starts up and the end credits roll.
That’s a nice ending for a well-done episode but again, it’s hard not to think about what’s going to happen in the future with all of these characters. Lucy and Wheels may be smiling now but, if you know the history of this show, you also know what’s going to happen after they graduate high school. Wheels is going drive drunk and, with Lucy in the car with him, end up crashing his car, killing a kid, and temporarily blinding and crippling Lucy. The future for Wheels is jail and the future for Lucy is years of painful physical rehab. Seriously, Degrassi Junior High is one dark show!
As for this episode, every woman has had to deal with a Mr. Colby at some point in their lives and I will admit to cringing whenever he placed his hands on Lucy’s shoulders while talking to her. I could relate to what Lucy was feeling all too well. Mr. Colby’s final declaration that he didn’t do anything wrong and that it was Lucy’s fault for misunderstanding him sounded all too familiar. Fortunately, Lucy had people in her life who were looking out for her and who had her back, like L.D. and Wheels. (As usual, Lucy’s parents were present only as voices on an answering machine.) Both Wheels and Mr. Colby said they wanted to help Lucy but Wheels was the only one who meant it.
Next week, Joey gets a new girlfriend and Arthur calls a sex therapist. That’s right …. it’s time for Dr. Sally!
Retro Television Review: The Night They Saved Christmas (dir by Jackie Cooper)
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1984’s The Night They Saved Christmas! It can be viewed on Tubi and YouTube.
The Night They Saved Christmas argues that there are two types of people in the world.
There are people who still believe in Santa Claus and all that he represents and then there are the people who gave up their belief a long time ago. Those who believe in Santa Claus are still full of the Christmas spirit and, under the right circumstances, they might even get to meet the elves and the jolly old man himself. Those who do not believe are destined to waste their holiday on focusing on material things that aren’t really important.
Petroleum engineer Michael Baldwin (Paul Le Mat) doesn’t believe in Santa Claus and that’s why he had no trouble moving his entire family to the North Pole so that they could freeze while he headed up an oil exploration project. Michael and his boss, billionaire Sumner Murdock (Mason Adams), are determined to find oil and they’ve got an endless supply of dynamite with which to search for it.
Michael’s wife, Claudia (Jaclyn Smith), still believes in the spirit of Santa and she encourages their children to believe as well. For that reason, Ed the Elf (played by singer Paul Williams), is willing to take Claudia and the kids to North Pole City. They get to meet Santa (Art Carney) and they even learn how Santa uses satellite technology to deliver presents all over the world. The city is really quite impressive, with the movie making good use of matte paintings and miniatures to create the impression of a magical metropolis. And Santa turns out to be a pretty nice guy, even if he does tell the elves that he’s sick of them singing Jingle Bells.
Unfortunately, North Pole City is in danger! Every day, the oil company’s dynamite causes a mini-earthquake. With the dynamiting getting closer and closer to North Pole City, Santa and the elves worry that they might be on the verge of getting blown up! Can Claudia and the kids convince Michael to stop blowing up huge chunks of the North Pole before Christmas is ruined!?
Well, listen — I don’t think it’s a spoiler for me to tell you that Christmas is not ruined. It would be pretty cynical for the movie to end with Michael blowing up Santa Claus and cynical is one thing that The Night They Saved Christmas is not. This is a very earnest film, full of cheery elves, a paternal Santa, and lots of Christmas music. Even greedy old Mr. Murdock turns out to be not that bad of a guy. In the end, this film says that Santa and the spirit of Christmas is for everyone and that’s certainly not a bad message. It’s a likeable movie for the holiday season and Art Carney is a perfect Santa Claus, even if he does appear to be a little underweight for the role. As played by Carney, Santa is welcoming, good-humored, and still enthusiastic about his job, even after centuries of doing it. He’s exactly the way you would want Santa to be. This is a film that earns the right to wish everyone a merry Christmas!
Music Video of the Day: Santa Baby by Shakira (2010, dir by ????)
It’s song like this that gave Santa the strength necessary to conquer the Martians.
Enjoy!
Through the Shattered Lens 