From Here To Maternity”

Posted on May 8, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, both Doc and Captain Stubing try to get out of doing their jobs.

Episode 4.15 “The Trigamist/Jealousy/From Here To Maternity”

(Dir by Howard Morris, originally aired on January 17th, 1981)

Finally, Captain Stubing has found love!

He is totally smitten with passenger Linda Bradley (Pat Crowley) and Linda seems to like him as well. (Why wouldn’t she? He’s the Captain. No one wants to date the people who are in the bottom of the boat and shoveling coal in the furnace. The Captain is the one who has his own special table.) Stubing is soon spending all of his time with Linda. Vicki gets jealous. Myself, I’m wondering who is steering the boat.

Vicki gets so jealous that Linda eventually picks up on it and breaks things off with the Captain. The Captain is heart-broken but, when a contrite Vicki explains that Linda was just trying to protect her feelings, the Captain cheers up, Vicki agrees to accept Linda as a possible stepmother, and Linda promises to return for another cruise as soon as possible. Will we ever see Linda again? I doubt it. Charo seems to be the only performer who regularly returns to the Love Boat as the same character. We might see Pat Crowley again but she probably won’t be playing Linda.

This storyline, I could relate to. I’m a child of divorce and I’ll just say that I was Hell on anyone who I thought was trying to be either a new father or a new mother to me. So far, at least, the stories about the Captain and Vicki have always been handled well. Gavin MacLeod is always at his best when he’s playing the fatherly side of Stubing.

Captain Stubing is not the only person trying to get laid on this cruise. Doc Bricker — of course! — is eager to spend time with his latest girlfriend, Mona (Rebecca Holden), but he keeps getting summoned by the Talmadges. Betty Talmadge (Murphy Cross) is pregnant and her husband, Arthur (Michael Young), is worried that she’s going to give birth on the cruise event though she’s not due for another 9 weeks. “I was born on airplane!” Arthur yells at one point. Eventually, Doc tells Arthur that he should take up jogging to deal with his nervousness. Arthur ends up breaking his leg as a result. That, at the very least, confines him to his cabin but Doc is now so worried about him that he still can’t find time for Mona. Finally, as the ship docks in Los Angeles, Betty goes into labor.

Finally, Judge Joanne Atkinson (Nancy Walker) boards the ship and is surprised to see that Harrison Harper (George Gobel, who is an even less convincing womanizer than Doc Bricker) is also taking a cruise. The judge previously sentenced Harrison to probation for being a bigamist. The Judge and Harrison fall in love and get engaged. Of course, Harrison is also engaged to five other women. I’m sure it’ll all work out.

This was a weird cruise. The main theme seemed to be that both Doc and the Captain will do anything to avoid actually doing their jobs. Meanwhile, the Judge and Harrison’s relationship appears to be doomed from the start. Getting arrested and being sentenced to probation has done nothing to dissuade Harrison from getting engaged to everyone he meets. Julie looks worried as Harrison and the Judge leave the ship together and I don’t blame her!

As always, the ocean scenery was pleasant and I appreciated the sincerity of the scenes that Gavin MacLeod and Jill Whelan performed together. Still, I was kind of happy when the boat docked this week.

The Eric Roberts Collection: The Rebels of PT-218 (dir by Nick Lyon)

Posted on May 8, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The 2021 film, The Rebels of PT-218, takes place in 1943.

At the height of World War II, the Allies are on the verge of invading Italy and moving into Europe. General Omar Bradley (played by William Baldwin, who looks like Alec but sounds like Stephen) orders the SS Lawton, a small torpedo boat to help secure the port of Solano. It won’t be easy. The Atlantic Ocean is full of German U-boats and the Lawton is built to move cargo, not fight battles. But the Lawton is still the most powerful boat in the area and General Bradley believes in the abilities of the Lawton’s commander, Lt. William Snow (Eric Roberts).

However, Snow is eager to get into combat and defeat the Germans. In fact, he’s so gung ho to fight that some of Bradley’s assistants feel that Lt. Snow’s judgment can’t be trusted. Commander Barnes (Noah Blake) tells Ensign Kenneth Ford (Geoff Meed) to keep an eye on Snow and do everything he can to keep Lt. Snow on track.

The men of the SS Lawton, meanwhile, just want to man the guns, launch the torpedoes, and stop the Germans. They’re from all over the United States but they’ll be familiar to anyone who has ever seen a war film. Some of them are naive. Some of them are cocky and streetwise. One of them is played by Danny Trejo! Trejo plays Cookie, a former gunner turned cook. He delights in serving chorizos for dinner. Cookie has a mustache and a pony tail, which definitely do not feel like they would be within Navy regulations. After Cookie is wounded in action, a crewman tosses Cookie a machete and Trejo smiles like a man who has waited his entire life for that exact moment.

Historical accuracy? Who needs historical accuracy when you’ve got Danny Trejo and Eric Roberts in the same movie? Obviously, both Roberts and Trejo are a bit too old for their roles. Cookie would have probably retired from the Navy long before the bombing of Pearl Harbor. As for Roberts, one has to worry about any officer who is clearly in his 70s and still hasn’t achieved a rank higher than lieutenant. When Snow expresses his ambition to be promoted, you have to wonder if he’s hoping to be the world’s oldest admiral.

This film is an attempt to do an epic war story on a budget and it doesn’t quite work. One never feels that any of the characters are waking up everyday with the knowledge that this could be the day that they die. The ship and all of the characters are remarkably clean and fresh-faced throughout the film, with none of the grime nor grit that would have given the story a realistic edge. That said, Danny Trejo gets a few good lines and it’s always fun to watch Eric Roberts play an authority figure. In the end, the important thing is that America won.

Previous Eric Roberts Films That We Have Reviewed:

Late Night Retro Television Review: Baywatch Nights 2.3 “The Rig”

Posted on May 7, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, a detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997. The entire show is currently streaming on You tube!

This week, Mitch and Ryan head out to an abandoned ocean oil rig. Do they find love or do they find a glowing green slime monster? Read on to find out!

Episode 2.3 “The Rig”

(Dir by Jon Cassar, originally aired on October 13th, 1996)

Donna is super-excited because she’s saved her first person as a lifeguard. (Apparently, the nightclub is no longer a thing and Donna is no longer a cynical and tough-minded businesswoman.) She tracks down Griff and she tells him about it. Griff is impressed. Donna wants to tell Mitch but he’s not on the beach!

Instead, Mitch and Ryan are investigating a deserted oil rig. A few weeks ago, the crew of the oil rig died under mysterious circumstances. The official story is that they fell victim to cabin fever or maybe a mass delusion. But Diamont thinks that maybe something paranormal has happened and he has asked Mitch and Ryan to check it out. Despite the fact that this is the third “paranormal” mystery that Mitch has investigated in as many episodes, he remains a skeptic. Ryan, however, thinks that it is possible that the rig was attacked by some sort of prehistoric one-celled organism.

And it turns out that Ryan is right! Ryan and Mitch find themselves being threatened by a green gelatinous goo that eats away at everything from metal to skin. Joining Ryan and Mitch is Claire (Jennifer Campbell), whose boat was earlier attacked by the goo. Claire does very little in this episode and there’s really no point to her being there, beyond the fact that the show’s producers needed someone to wear a bikini and to scream.

Featuring an absolutely ludicrous monster and a finale that involves a self-destruct mechanism slowly counting down, The Rig is actually a lot of fun. It’s totally ludicrous and silly and everything that an episode of something like Baywatch Nights should be. Mitch and Ryan make for an entertaining team. Angie Harmon’s naturally sarcastic delivery contrasts nicely with David Hasselhoff’s most earnest style. The Rig is at its best when it just follows Mitch and Ryan as they flirtatiously argue about the paranormal while walking around the abandoned rig.

And fear not! Mitch survives his meeting with goo, jumping off the rig at the same moment that it explodes. We get a little bit of slow motion, followed by a short of an obvious dummy crashing into the water. When Hasselhoff jumps off the rig, the night sky is pitch black. When he emerges from the ocean, the sun is shining. That’s type of easily avoidable continuity error that makes Baywatch Nights so much fun!

This was a fun episode. Next week, Mitch gets involved with a UFO!

The Films of 2024: Lights Out (dir by Christian Sesma)

Posted on May 7, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Duffy (Frank Grillo) is haunted by the past. When he was serving in the U.S. military, he watched as his friends and fellow soldiers were killed in battle. Now that he’s back in America, he’s haunted by the memories and the trauma has left him incapable of finding peace. He’s angry and paranoid and restless. He drifts around the country, making whatever money that he can as a gambler. But when a poker game at a Los Angeles roadhouse leads to a physical confrontation, Duffy is offered a new opportunity.

Max (Mekhi Phifer) watches as Duffy defends himself and is impressed with what he sees. Max is a ex-con who works as a recruiter for underground fight clubs. Max recognizes the source of Duffy’s anger because Max’s brother was also a veteran who returned to America carrying the mental and physical scars of war. Max feels that he failed his brother but maybe he can make up for it by saving Duffy’s life. Max recruits Duffy as a fighter and gives him a place to live. Duffy and Max soon find themselves in conflict with an evil gym owner (Dermot Mulroney, making the most of a rare villainous role) and a corrupt cop (Jaime King) who is secretly in charge of the town’s underground fight scene.

Lights Out is a fast-paced and occasionally self-aware B-movie. I always find movies like this fascinating because they present a world where there’s an underground fight club located in every backroom and lumber yard. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that there aren’t underground fight clubs. I’m sure they’re out there and I’m sure that there are some dangerous people involved in promoting them. I’m just saying that I kind of suspect that there might not be as many of them as there tends to be in the movies. I always find it interesting that so many underground fight clubs seem to have a “fight until the death” rule. I mean, it seems to me that would cause you to quickly run out of fighters. I also wonder what people do when they want to start an underground fight club but they don’t have access to an abandoned warehouse or any acquaintances in the Russian Mafia. I guess those people are just screwed.

While Mulroney and King definitely make an impression as the two over-the-top villains, Lights Out is dominated by Frank Grillo. Grillo has been lucky enough to be blessed with a down-to-Earth screen presence that allows him to be likable while also leaving little doubt that he is someone who can handle himself in a fight. He has the weathered good looks of some one who has seen some things but who hasn’t yet surrendered his humanity. He’s like the modern day version of one of those wonderful character actors who used to populate the gangster movies of the 1930s. Grillo’s tough sincerity and streetwise persona is well-used here. John Garfield had his Body and Soul. Frank Grillo has his Lights Out.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 4.24 “Paquito’s Birthday/Technical Advisor”

Posted on May 7, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. Almost the entire show is currently streaming on Daily Motion.

This week, season 4 comes to an end.

Episode 4.24 “Paquito’s Birthday/Technical Advisor”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on May 23rd, 1981)

This week, Tattoo is stunned to see Manuel (A Martinez) and Consuelo Lopez (Linda Cristal) get off the plane with their young son, Paquito (Anthony Trujillo). Tattoo immediately guesses that Mr. Roarke must have given them a special deal so they could come to the Island and he snaps that Roarke is too nice.

Roarke, never one to worry about being nice when it come to Tattoo, replies that young Paquito nearly died earlier in the year and now, Manuel and Consuelo are on the verge of losing their frame. Manual and Consuelo wanted to give Paquito a wonderful birthday party before they end up homeless. Take that, Tattoo!

Manuel’s wealthy relative, Dona Delores (Victoria Racimo), is also on the Island and Paqutio soon starts hanging out with her, despite Manuel resenting her for having money. Delores, who cannot have children of her own, has an idea. Maybe she could adopt Paquito and give him the life that Manuel and Consuelo never could. In return, she could help Manuel’s out with his money problems.

Don’t worry! Manuel and Conseulo don’t lose Paquito and they even get to stay on Fantasy Island. And it also turns out that Delores isn’t so bad after all. This is Fantasy Island and nothing bad has happened on Fantasy Island since that hunter died at the end of his fantasy. The ending is happy and the fantasy is ultimately pleasant and kind of forgettable. In the end, what I’ll always remember is that the voice of young Paquito was obviously dubbed by an adult woman trying to sound like a child. That was kind of weird.

Of course, it wasn’t as weird as the other fantasy.

Nancy Harvester (Randi Oakes) has spent the past few years of your life taking care of her terminally ill uncle. After her uncle passed, he left her a fantasy in his will. He wants Nancy to enjoy life and finally get a boyfriend. When Roarke informs Nancy why her uncle wanted his will to be read on Fantasy Island, Nancy replies that she’s never even been with a man and there’s no way she can make her uncle’s last fantasy come true. (Her uncle’s last fantasy was for his niece to lose her virginity? That is definitely kind of creepy….) Fortunately, Nancy’s childhood crush, Gene (Jim Stafford), is on the Island and Roarke summons a special friend to give Nancy advise.

Meet Helen of Troy (played by Jill St. John)!

Yes, the same Helen of Troy who inspired one of the bloodiest and most tragic wars in ancient history is the person that Mr. Roarke recruits to give advise to Nancy. I mean, was the mermaid busy? What about Aphrodite? Remember how Aphrodite lives on Fantasy Island? Couldn’t Mr. Roarke have asked them to help out?

Interestingly enough, the dialogue between Helen and Roarke indicate that they are lifelong friends, which would indicate that Mr. Roarke is several thousand years old. Helen also makes a few comments that suggest that she and Roarke were once quite close. Was Mr. Roarke involved in the war with Sparta? I wonder which side he was on.

But what about Nancy? Does Helen help out Nancy? Yes, of course she does. This is Fantasy Island so, of course, Nancy and Gene depart on the same plane.

All fantasies come true on Fantasy Island, which is one reason why the original show continues to be so loved. I would argue that the reason why the recent Fantasy Island reboot failed was because it complicated things by attempting to explore the lives of the people who lived and worked on the Island, as opposed to just focusing on fantasies with happy endings. For all the time that I’ve spent speculating about what the Island actually is and how it works, it ultimately doesn’t matter. No one cares how Fantasy Island works. All that matters is that it does.

So ends season 4 of Fantasy Island. It was a bit of an uneven season. The obvious hostility between Ricardo Montalban and Herve Villechaize made more than a few scenes a bit awkward to watch. I miss the playfulness that defined their interactions during the earlier seasons. But still, the Island is lovely and it’s fun to imagine what it would be like to really go there.

Next week, Roarke and Tattoo are joined by a new helper as the fifth season begins!

The TSL Grindhouse: Locked Up (dir by Jared Cohn)

Posted on May 7, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The 2017 film Locked Up tells the story of Mallory (Kelly McCart).

Mallory is not having a great life. Her wealthy father has relocated to an unnamed county in Southern Asia. (The film was shot in Thailand but the uniforms that we see various officials wearing seem more appropriate for North Korea.) Mallory lives with her Uncle Tommy (Jared Cohen), who is Mallory’s legal guardian while her father is off doing whatever it is that he does. Mallory goes to a school where she is the only American and certainly the only redhead. She is bullied to such an extent that she finally snaps and punches another student. Mallory is promptly arrested and sentenced to the country’s version of reform school.

When Tommy and Mallory first arrive at the facility, it seems to be clean and welcoming. The Warden (Maythavee Burapasing) appears to be friendly and compassionate. It seems like the type of place that all of us bleeding hearts are always insisting that we need here in America. It’s only after Tommy leaves that the truth is revealed. The reform school is actually a prison and the Warden is a sadistic tyrant. Mallory is tossed into a filthy cell with several other girls and ordered to strip while everyone watches. One of Mallory’s cellmates, Kat (Katrina Grey), orders Mallory not to cry because Kat doesn’t want the sound of her tears keeping her awake at night.

After manipulating Mallory into signing a document that says she doesn’t want her uncle to visit her in prison, The Warden reveals that she enjoys watching the prisoners fight. She informs Mallory that she has two weeks to prepare for her first fight and that, if Mallory doesn’t fight, she will be gang raped twice a week for as long as she remains in the prison. Mallory, having no experience with fighting (despite having hit that one student hard enough to get sentenced to confinement), begs Kat to train her. At first reluctant, Kat eventually agrees. But can even Kat’s training prepare Mallory for a fight against the fearsome Riza (Anastasia Maslova)?

If this all sounds rather exploitive, that’s because it is. The film hit every sordid women-in-prison cliche with the efficiency of well-wound clock. In fact, it’s so dedicated to hitting all of the expected beats that it actually becomes a bit comical at times. Less than a minute after she enters her cell, Mallory has another inmate talking about how cute she is and sniffing her neck. Mallory and Kat’s fight training inevitably leads to a shower room sex scene and Kat talking about how she’s in prison because her boyfriend convinced her to be a drug smuggler. Meanwhile, because she is determined to turn Riza into a killing machine, The Warden personally injects steroids into Riza’s neck. It’s all so shameless that you can’t help but appreciate the film’s audacity, even if there are several scenes (most of which involve the Warden’s threat to have the guards rape Mallory) that cross the line from being merely tasteless to being actually offensive.

Locked Up is an Asylum Production. Like most Asylum films, it makes no excuses or apologies for being what it is. (Regardless of how you feel about their films, it’s hard not to appreciate The Asylum’s honesty.) In most ways, Locked Up is a pretty dumb movie but director Jared Cohen keeps the action moving quickly and The Warden is a properly hissable villain. The Warden tells Mallory that her problem is that Americans have allowed themselves to become weak and, even if the film’s portrayal of Asia makes Midnight Express‘s portrayal of Turkey seem fair and balanced, it’s hard not to feel that the Warden has a point. Get out there and fight, America!

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 2.3 “Family Crisis”

Posted on May 6, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983. The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!

This week, a Partridge leads a Brady into a life of crime!

Episode 2.3 “Family Crisis”

(Dir by Phil Bondelli, originally aired on September 30th, 1978)

Tired of being confined to a police car, Officer Sindy Cahill (Brianne Leary) cannot wait to graduate from motor school so that she can become the Highway Patrol’s first female bike cop. She’s so eager for the job that, when she’s off-duty, she rides around Los Angeles on a motor scooter and occasionally even makes an arrest. Most of the other motorcycle cops are skeptical about Sindy …. because she’s a woman. But Ponch is supportive of Sindy’s ambition …. because she’s a woman who he likes to look at. Ponch spends the majority of this episode standing behind Sindy and leering.

A fancy black Trans Am has been stolen from a movie set and it is being used in a series of robberies. The thieves have made no effort to disguise the car. They didn’t even bother to paint over the very noticeable green racing stripe that, in theory, would make impossible for them to drive around without being spotted. However, it doesn’t matter because the car is so fast and it can do so many fun movie tricks (like covering the street in smoke and oil) that no one can stop it. Sindy has come up with a plan to catch the thieves but Getraer doesn’t want to hear it and we all know why. In fact, when Sindy crashes her car while chasing the thieves, Getraer tells her that she needs to get checked out by the doctors before she goes back on duty. “If I was a man, you’d let me right back out on the street!” Sindy snaps. Sindy knows that Getraer is treating her differently …. because she’s a woman!

Fortunately, Getraer’s boss somehow finds a copy of Sindy’s plan and he decides that it’s brilliant. With both the LAPD and the Highway Patrol working together, they manage to ambush and corner the Trans Am on the Los Angeles docks. The two thieves push the wrong button in the car and they end up getting ejected from their seats and landing in the ocean. Baker and Ponch share a laugh while the two men probably drown.

The two nameless thieves are not the only ones stealing cars. Fred (Danny Bonaduce), a high school senior, is also stealing cars and — oh no! — he’s convinced his friend Wes (Christopher Knight) to go joyriding with him. What Fred didn’t count on was Wes being the nephew of Officer Jon Baker. Baker isn’t going to let anyone corrupt his nephew. When Ponch and Baker eventually catch Fred and Wes and their girlfriends in a stolen car, they put the handcuffs on everyone, even though only Fred is going to be charged with a felony. Baker tells Wes that he put the handcuffs on him to show him where his life is heading. Wes thanks his Uncle Jon and hopefully, he’s learned an important lesson about why the Bradys didn’t hang out with the Partridges.

Finally, Ponch has finally moved out of his RV and into a swinging new apartment! He’s got a view of the pool, so he’s happy. Good for him.

This episode …. actually, this episode wasn’t that bad. I liked Sindy because, if i was waiting to find out if I was going to be a motorcycle cop, I would probably ride around on a motor scooter too. And having Danny Bonaduce leading Christopher Knight astray appealed to me as a student of pop culture. There were some nice chase scenes. The Trans Am was cool. The California scenery was lovely. It was a fun episode.

The Films of 2024: Late Night With The Devil (dir by Colin Cairnes and Cameron Cairnes)

Posted on May 6, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Late Night With The Devil is a truly frightening film.

Jack Deloy (David Dastmalchian) is the host of Night Owls, a late-night talk show. Deloy has spent his entire television career competing against The Tonight Show With Johnny Carson. Deloy has a loyal audience. He has several Emmy awards. But he has never been able to beat The Tonight Show in the ratings. Even when he interviewed his dying wife (Georgina Haig) and got the biggest ratings of his career, he still finished second to Johnny Carson. After his wife died, Deloy went into seclusion before eventually returning to his show.

It’s Halloween night in 1977 and Deloy is hosting a live broadcast of Night Owls. He and his producer (John Quong Tart) are convinced that they’re finally going to achieve their goal of winning the ratings race. On the show, they have the medium Christou (Faysal Bazzi). They have Carmichael Haig (Ian Bliss), a pompous former magician who now makes his living by exposing charlatans. They have parapsychologist June Ross-Mitchell (Laura Gordon) and Lilly (Ingrid Torelli), a young woman who claims to be possessed by a demon that she calls Mr. Wiggles. Deloy’s sidekick Gus McConnell (Rhys Auteri) fears that it’s not a good idea to mess with the occult on Halloween night but Deloy is determined to get those ratings. In fact, Deloy is willing to do just about anything for the ratings.

Opening with narration from Michael Ironside and introduced as being a documentary about what happened that mysterious night, Late Night With The Devil is a found footage horror film but, unlike a lot of films of the genre, it doesn’t get bogged down with people saying stuff like, “Are we recording?” or “Are you getting this?” Instead, the film’s directors actually make good use of the format, suggesting that there might still be a spark of inspiration to be found in the found footage genre. The contrast between the grainy color of the show and the stark black-and-white footage of what went on whenever the show went to commercial is one of the things that makes Late Night With The Devil so memorable. It keeps the audience from getting too comfortable with what they’re watching and it’s a reminder that what one sees in a controlled environment (like a talk show) is often meant to hide the chaos lurking under the surface. Towards the end of the episode, when the color footage goes from being grainy to suddenly being very bright and vivid, it’s truly unsettling. (The film does such a good job of keeping the audience off-balance that the directors can even get away with abandoning the found footage format at a key moment.) Late Night With The Devil does a wonderful job recreating the look and feel of an old late night talk show. One look at the Night Owls set and you can literally smell the combination of stale cigarettes and outright desperation. Looking at the ugly set and the tacky clothes, it’s easy to buy that we actually are watching some long-buried archival footage from 1977. One reason why the film is frightening is because it feels authentic.

(And yes, it feels authentic despite the inclusion of some AI-images. AI was used to create the intertitles that appear whenever Night Owls goes to commercial. They appear for less than a minute and, if not for the online controversy, I never would have noticed them.)

David Dastmalchian plays Jack Deloy as being a showman who is an expert at manipulating the audience and who will do anything to get people to watch. Still, even the most jaded horror fan will be shocked to see how far Jack Deloy is willing to go to win the ratings race. (For all the supernatural elements of the film, nothing is more disturbing than its portrayal of human avarice.) A major subplot deals with Jack’s membership in the Grove, a society of the wealthy and powerful that is based on the very real Bohemian Grove. Bohemian Grove is, of course, a favorite of conspiracy theorists who assume that the rich and famous are up to all sorts of nefarious deeds whenever they gather for their annual meeting. Those conspiracy theorists will find much to appreciate about Late Night With The Devil and Dastmalchian’s performance. (Of course, one can also read Jon Ronson’s Them, which features an entire chapter about Ronson traveling to Bohemian Grove and discovering that what was advertised as being a day of dorky fun for the rich and powerful actually was just that.)

Obviously, many films did influence Late Night With The Devil. The end credits begin with a land acknowledgment but it could have just as easily contained a film acknowledgment. “The filmmakers acknowledge the influence of The Exorcist, Cannibal Holocaust, The Last Exorcism, the careers of James Randi, Uri Geller, and Sylvia Browne, Michelle Remembers, The Conjuring franchise, The Larry Sanders Show, the films of David Cronenberg, and Ghostwatch.” It’s a testament to the skill of the directors and the cast that, despite all the obvious influence, Late Night With The Devil stands as an original and genuinely unsettling work of art.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 2.13 “Definitely Miami”

Posted on May 6, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

Things get weird this week.

Episode 2.13 “Definitely Miami”

(Dir by Rob Cohen, originally aired on January 10th, 1986)

This week’s episode of Miami Vice is all about heat.

Seriously, it literally starts with a shot of a solar flares erupting off the surface of the sun. The camera then pulls away, letting us see what the sun looks like a cloudless blue sky. Finally, we find ourselves in Miami, where the sky is clear and a heat wave is raging. The camera focuses on the beads of sweat forming on skin. Every pastel shirt is stained with sweat and everyone is wearing sunglasses. When a drug dealer drives out to a quarry to meet connection, the heat seems to radiate out of the screen. When he’s shot and killed by Charlie Basset (Ted Nugent — yes, the musician and gun enthusiast), the dust that rises up looks like smoke rising from a burning planet.

Sonny and Rico are working undercover as Burnett and Cooper, hanging out at a hotel pool and complaining about the heat. Their target is Sergio Clemente (Roger Pretto) but Sonny is actually more interested in Callie (Arielle Dombasle), a beautiful blonde who he spots laying by the pool. Callie sees Sonny watching her and brings him a drink. Sonny introduces himself as Sonny Burnett.

Clemente is willing to turn himself in but only if he can see his sister, Maria (Kamala Lopez), and know that she’s still alive. Maria testified against her brother at a trial and is currently in the witness protecting program. Joe Dalva (Albert Hall), an arrogant Department of Justice official, is willing to bring Maria to Clemente, despite the fact that Maria indicates that Clemente used to sexually abuse her. Castillo thinks that it’s a terrible idea and tries to use a decoy. In the end, the government orders Castillo to do what Dalva wants. Castillo stands in a corner and stares down at the ground, which viewers of the show know is something Castillo does whenever he knows just how badly things are going to turn out. When the meeting finally happens, Tubbs, Castillo, and Davla can only watch as Maria pulls a knife and stabs her brother to death.

Sonny is not there to see Clemente die. Callie has told him that her husband is physically abusive and she wants Sonny — as Burnett — to meet him in a quarry, make a drug deal with him, and then kill him. Sonny suspects that he’s being set up and he’s right. Callie’s husband is Charlie and he only hits her when she tells him to. Callie seduces drug dealers and then Charlie kills them. Sonny, however, is smart enough to bring Zito with him to the quarry. During a shoot out, Charlie ends up dead. While the police dig up the quarry and find body after body, Sonny goes to the beach so that he can arrest Callie. When Sonny approaches Callie, she’s making a sand castle that looks exactly like the quarry. At first, Callie thinks that Sonny is Charlie but then she forces herself to smile when she sees that Charlie is dead. She assumes Sonny will be her new partner. Instead, Sonny calls in a police helicopter and Callie is taken into custody by two cops. Callie flirts with one of the cops while she’s being led to the helicopter.

And the sun continues to burn in the sky….

This was an odd episode, one that put far more emphasis on vivid and sometimes surreal imagery than it did on telling a coherent story. That’s not a complaint, of course. This episode had a dream-like intensity to it that I really appreciated. It was weird but entertaining, with the grinning Ted Nugent popping up like a gleefully evil goblin. Sonny is targeted because Callie thinks that he’s a drug dealer when he’s actually a cop. The idea of Sonny being able to maintain his undercover identity despite having personally arrested or killed a countless number of Miami drug dealers has always been one of the stranger elements of Miami Vice. This episode, though, it makes a strange sense that Sonny could be mistaken for a drug dealer despite always acting like a cop. That’s definitely Miami.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi Junior High 3.3 “A Big Girl Now”

Posted on May 5, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi Junior High, which aired on CBC and PBS from 1987 to 1989! The series can be streamed on YouTube!

This week, Lucy learns that she has the worst friends in the world.

Episode 3.3 “A Big Girl Now”

(Dir by Kit Hood, originally aired on December 5th, 1988)

Lucy is totally in love with Paul, her older boyfriend from the high school. At first, all of her friends are excited for her but then Lucy stops spending time with them and they start to get jealous. When Lucy misses L.D.’s big soccer game because she already has plans with Paul, Lucy promises to make it up to L.D. and everyone else by letting them have a party at her house.

But then Paul and his high school friends discover that Lucy’s parents are out of town and they decide that they should throw a party of their own. And when they announce that they don’t want any “niners” other than Lucy at the party, Lucy agrees to lie to her friends. She tells them that the party’s been cancelled because of a family crisis.

Needless to say, both L.D. and the Farrell twins discover that Lucy lied to them. (It doesn’t help that Paul and his friends chant, “Party! Party!” when they pull up in front of Degrassi.) Lucy loses their friendship and, because she doesn’t want to have sex and risk getting pregnant like Spike did, Lucy also loses her boyfriend. What she does get is a “reputation” because everyone assumes she had sex with Paul even though she didn’t.

Poor Lucy! Listen, Lucy should not have lied about the party. And Paul really was a jerk. But her friends need to cut Lucy some slack. Lucy’s parents are never home, she’s still dealing with the trauma of being groomed by that creepy substitute last season, and she’s not even allowed to shoplift anymore. So, Lucy made some mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes!

Why can’t Lucy’s friends be as forgiving as Wheels? During this episode, Snake finally approaches Wheels and apologizes for not talking to him since the funeral for Wheels’s parents. Snake admits that he didn’t know what to say and Wheels admits that he’s struggling with depression. Wheels explains that he no longer wants to go to school and he certainly doesn’t want to be a part of the Zit Remedy. Still, Wheels is clearly touched by Snake’s apology. Both Neil Hope and Stefan Brogren did a good job of portraying the combination of awkwardness and sincerity that lies at the heart of their friendship.

.Finally, the results of the student election are announced. To the surprise of no one, Nancy Kramer defeats Kathleen for student council president. Kathleen becomes Vice President. Melanie begs Kathleen to nominate her for the dance committee. Kathleen, however, tells Nancy that only niners (and Melanie is not a niner) should be allowed to serve on a committee. Melanie overhears and proceeds to pour a carton of milk in Kathleen’s hair. Poor Kathleen! Seriously, ladies, be more like Snake and Wheels and support each other!

This episode felt like it was setting up a lot of future storylines. Will Lucy get her friends back? Will Wheels ever regain his love of life? Will Kathleen be able to get all the milk out of her hair? We’ll find out next week!