The Films of 2024: The Bricklayer (dir by Renny Harlin)

Posted on May 2, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Someone is assassinating commie journalists in Europe and making it appear as if the CIA is responsible. O’Malley (Tim Blake Nelson) of the CIA suspects that the assassin is Michael Radek (Clifton Collins, Jr.), a former intelligence asset who faked his own death but who has now returned and is seeking vengeance on the Agency for the death of his wife and daughter. O’Malley decides that Radek’s friend and former CIA handler, Steve Vail (Aaron Eckhart), is the only man who can track Radek down.

The problem is that Vail is as disillusioned with intelligence work as Radek. Vail walked away from the Agency years ago and now spends his time listening to jazz and working as a bricklayer. Vail explains that, when working with bricks, everything is predictable and everything fits together perfectly. It’s the opposite of the chaotic world of spies and assassinations. O’Malley think that Vail is full of crap and I would be tempted to agree if not for the fact that Aaron Eckhart is one of the few actors who can make you believe anything that he says.

At first, Vail refuses to help but then Radek sends a group of assassins to kill him. That changes Vail’s mind. Along with an inexperienced supervisor named Kate (Nina Dobrev), Vail heads to Greece to not only track down Radek but also discover the identity of a mole in the CIA.

The Bricklayer was advertised as being a return-to-form of sorts for director Renny Harlin. In many ways, it’s a typical Harlin film. For the most part, it looks good. Some of the action scenes are exciting. A car flips over and explodes. At the same time, it never quite reaches the heights of Harlin’s heyday. This film has neither the grandeur of Die Hard 2, the romantic sparks of The Long Kiss Goodnight, or the energy of Deep Blue Sea. The film’s low-budget is definitely a factor in that. There are scenes in the film that look about as cheap as some of the movies that Bruce Willis was making before he announced his retirement.

That said, The Bricklayer does what it does with efficiency and Renny Harlin still knows how to keep the action moving. Though the story is a bit too familiar to really be intriguing, Aaron Eckhart makes for a surprisingly believable secret agent. One thing I especially liked about Eckhart’s performance is that he didn’t go for the “grim” stereotype of the former intelligence agent. As played by Aaron Eckhart, Steve Vail may have had his regrets but he wasn’t some sort of emotionless zombie. He enjoyed jazz. He enjoyed the work that he did as a bricklayer. Though the rules of the genre demand that he and Nina Dobrev start the film as mild adversaries, they quickly developed a likable chemistry.

The Bricklayer is the epitome of an okay, middle of the road movie. It’s neither good nor bad enough to be especially memorable but it’s entertaining enough if you’ve got 100 minutes to kill.

Retro Television Review: Malibu, CA 1.1 “Welcome to Malibu”

Posted on May 2, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Imagine being Peter Engel in 1998.

Your most successful show, Saved By The Bell, ended its NBC run years ago, though it does live on in syndication. Your second most successful show, California Dreams, ended two years ago. Once you and your programs dominated NBC’s Sunday morning programming and the cultural landscape but now you’ve been reduced to City Guys, One World, Hang Time, and Saved By The Bell: The New Class. Both American culture and NBC are moving away from your style of goofy, wholesome entertainment.

What do you do?

If you’re Peter Engel, you take what worked with Saved By The Bell and what worked with California Dreams and you try to create a new show called Malibu, CA. And if NBC won’t return your calls, you just sell the show to syndication. That’ll show them!

Malibu, CA ran for two seasons and, until I came across a reference to it online, it was the only Engelverse show that I had previously never seen or even heard about. However, it turns out that Malibu, CA is available on YouTube. Considering all of the effort that I previously put into reviewing every episode of California Dreams, City Guys, Hang Time, and even One World (GOD GOD, ONE WORLD), it only seems right to now review Malibu, CA.

Episode 1.1 “Welcome to Malibu”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on October 11th, 1998)

After a montage of familiar Malibu images (Hey! Did you know that people surf, bike, and wear bikinis in Malibu?), the show introduces us to Scott (Trevor Merszei) and Jason Collins (Jason Hayes), two twins brothers who don’t like alike. (That’s good because I’m already having trouble remembering which is which.) In typical Peter Engel style, they start the show in their bedroom and talking directly to the audience.

Scott explains that their mother has taken a job in Saudi Arabia so he and his brother have moved to Malibu to live with their Dad. (Really? Saudi Arabia?) Jason says he’s excited because Malibu is “27 miles of babes.” Scott says that Jason is “both halves of Dumb and Dumber.” Jason says that Scott’s shirt makes him look like one of the “Spice Boys.”

Downstairs, their father Peter Collins (Edward Blatchford, who previously played Mr. Belding’s laid back and irresponsible brother on a classic episode of Saved By The Bell), waits for them so that he can take them to their first day at a new school. Scott asks if Malibu is always as perfect as it appears to be in the morning. Peter says that it’s perfect except for the mudslides and the earthquakes. Jason says that he can’t wait for his first earthquake because he wants to see “Heather Locklear run from her house in her underwear.” (Okay, Jason, we get it. You’re the type of guy who is destined to go broke due to an internet porn addiction.) Peter mentions that he dated “the redhead from Melrose Place” three times. He then tells the boys that he’s “not much on rules” and he suggests that Scott change his shirt because, “You look like Al Gore.” (OUCH!) Peter leaves for the restaurant that he apparently owns while Scott heads up stairs to look for a new shirt.

That leaves Jason alone to meet the next door neighbor, Samantha “Sam” Chapman (Gina Marley May), whose short red dress causes Jason to say, “Whoa!” and inspires someone in the studio audience to do a wolf whistle. Sam wants Jason to sign a petition that will tell businessman Henry Updyke to not drill for oil on the beach. (Didn’t the same thing happen on both Saved By The Bell and California Dreams?) Jason signs and he also meets Sam’s friend, the spacey Murray Updyke (Brandon Brooks). Murray is especially dedicated to taking down Henry’s business because Henry is his father. So, basically, Murray’s a spoiled jerk, even if the show doesn’t realize it.

We then cut to high school, which appears to be the same high school set that was used in California Dreams. We see Sam with her best friend, a lifeguard named Jennifer “Stads” Stadler (Wendi Kenya). Stads (God, do I really have to call her that?) just broke up with her boyfriend because apparently, he was only taking her to Hooters so that he could hit on the waitresses. (Was she dating Michael Scott?)

Now, the good news is that Stads hates being called Stads. “Why does everyone think I’m one of the guys?” she says angrily. “Well, you did join the boys hockey team,” Sam offers up. Stads then notices Scott struggling with his locker combination. She helps him out by punching the locker, which flies open and smacks Scott in the face. As Scott struggles to regain his composure, he asks for help finding the Marine Biology class. Sam is also into Marine Biology. (SHOCKER!) She and Scott go off together.

Meanwhile, Jason is approached by a woman (Susan Wood) in a red dress. (Another red dress!) She asks his name and, when he says that he’s Jason Collins, she asks if he’s Peter’s son. Jason immediately assume that Peter must have dated her. “My Dad always dates the hottest babes!” “I’m not a babe, I’m Ms. Morrissey …. your principal.” “Whoa!” the audience says. Murray runs into the school and hugs Mrs. Morrisey. After Morrisey politely tells them to get to class and then heads for her office, Murray suggests they should skip school instead. Jason agrees. Hey, why not? It’s not like anything important happens on the first day of school.

Jason stops by the Lighthouse, which is Peter’s restaurant. The Lighthouse is easily identifiable as Sharky’s from California Dreams, just with a new coat of paint. Peter is not happy about Jason skipping but Jason gets distracted by Sam trying to pass out flyers for her anti-oil rally. Jason offers to hand out the flyers for her. Sam thanks him and says that she can’t wait to see him at the rally. After Sam leaves, Jason gives the flyers to a waiter and tell him to put them into all the menus. Scott then shows up and says that he met the perfect girl. Jason says he did to. “Wait until you meet Samantha!” they say in unison.

Cut to the beach, where Jason, Scott, Sam, Stads, and Murray are struggling to get anyone to take their flyers. Jason suggests that they need a billboard. “Are you talking about signs everywhere ragging on my dad’s company?” Murray says, “Alright!”

(I’m sorry but Murray’s kind of a dick. I mean, are you campaigning for the environment or are you just mad at your dad?)

How to pay for a billboard? Jason suggests having a fundraiser at the Lighthouse.

“Dad won’t go for that,” Scott says.

“Dad doesn’t need to know,” Jason says.

Okay, Jason’s a dick too.

How to get Peter out of the restaurant? Jason approaches Ms. Morrissey at school and, surprisingly, is not given any sort of punishment for skipping the first day. Jason gives Ms. Morrissey tickets to the Fleetwood Mac concert and says that Peter really wants to go with her but he feels awkward because Ms. Morrissey is their principal so Ms. Morrissey will have to ask him. Ms. Morrissey agrees to this because, in the world of Peter Engel, all principals are idiots.

Somehow, the plan works. Peter — oh my God! IS HE NAMED AFTER PETER ENGEL!? — goes to the concert and the boys take over the restaurant. Sam is really impressed, since the party will give her a chance to get more teenagers to sign her useless petition. Jason and Scott get into an argument over who Sam likes and they decide to ask Stads. They don’t even notice that Stads is trying to change her image by wearing a dress.

“Just imagine if the two of us liked you,” Scott says to her, apparently unaware that Stads has a crush on him, “who would you go for?”

Stads runs from the restaurant as the audience says, “Awwww!” I actually said “awww” too. Both Jason and Scott are dicks. Poor Jennifer!

Because Jason lied and said the stars of Baywatch would be at the restaurant, way too many people show up for the party. Jason and Scott get into an argument over who is to blame and they each accuse the other of only throwing the party to get a date with Sam. Offended, Sam declares, “I wouldn’t date either of you!” Good for you, Sam, they suck.

Guess who suddenly shows up? It’s Peter and the cops! The restaurant is closed for overcrowding and Peter, as owner, is fined $500. Peter worries that maybe he’s not responsible enough to look after his sons. Maybe they need to go back to New York and live with their grandma.

The next days, Jason and Scott tells Stads and Sam that they’re leaving. “I’m never going to see you again!?” Stads says before kissing Scott. “Hey, I’m leaving too!” Jason says.

Fear not. Peter decides to give them another chance, with the understanding that there will be rules. They’re both grounded and they’re both going to have to work as busboys in the restaurant. But they can stay in Malibu and continue to compete for Sam.

“My brother doesn’t stand a chance!” Jason and Scott is unison.

Well, that happened. The first episode of Malibu CA did what a first episode should do. It introduced us to the characters and their situations and it set up future storylines. Unfortunately, almost none of the characters are particularly likable. Jason’s a jerk. Scott’s a wimp. Murray is a spoiled brat. Sam is self-righteous. Peter is a midlife crisis waiting to happen. The closest thing this show has to a likable character is Jennifer and she’s stuck with a terrible nickname. I’m an optimist and I’m fully aware that first episodes are rarely indicative of what a show is going to eventually become. I hope Malibu CA will improve. For now, though, I’m starting understand why I had never heard of it before.

Documentary Review: Lock-Up: The Prisoners of Rikers Island (dir by Jon Alpert and Nina Rosenblum)

Posted on May 2, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Rikers Island is one of those places that we all know about, even those of us who have never been there.

Rikers Island is an island that sits in the East River in the Bronx. It is also home to New York City’s largest and most notorious jail. It’s a jail that has a reputation for violence and corruption. Over 100,000 people are admitted into Rikers per year and, on most days, the complex has a population of 10,000 prisoners. (For comparison, my mom was born in a town that currently has a population of 1,200.) Rikers Island is notorious for the number of prisoners who have died while in the jail. It is estimated that 85% of the inmates are pre-trial defendants, people who have yet to be convicted of anything but who either didn’t get or couldn’t afford bail. The other 15% are serving short sentences. Rikers Island is a county jail that has a reputation for being as bad as any state prison. You don’t have to be from New York City to know about Rikers Island. The jail has become so notorious that Rikers Island has developed an international reputation and is often held up as a symbol of everything that’s wrong with the way that incarceration is handled.

Lock-Up: The Prisoners of Rikers Island was filmed for and aired on HBO in 1994. The documentary is now 30 years old and the population of the jail has grown considerably since it first aired. That’s a frightening thought because the jail that is seen in the documentary was already overcrowded, dirty, and dangerous. The documentary features interviews with both guard and prisoners. We follow the guards as they search cells and confiscate weapons and drugs. We meet a prisoner who has AIDS and who is hoping to be transferred to a drug rehab. (He explains that he was born addicted and he’ll probably die addicted if he’s left in Rikers.) We meet several of the pregnant women who are incarcerated in the jail and listen as they wonder what would happen if they went into labor when there’s not a guard around. We watch as the guards uneasily deal with the prisoners who have asked to be incarcerated in the jail’s “gay wing.” We meet several inmates who are obviously dealing with untreated mental illness. A lawyer tries to talk to his client and gets in a shouting match with another prisoner. We meet a notorious criminal named Eddie White, who explains that a life sentence means that he no longer has to follow the rules. We meet a lot of people in this documentary and what they all agree on is that being locked up is Hell.

It’s hardly a balanced documentary. The filmmakers are clearly on the side of the inmates but that’s okay. Considering that the inmates have essentially no control over their own lives while they’re in Rikers, it can be argued that they deserve to have someone on their side. Most of the inmates talk about their regrets but, as the documentary ruefully observes, most of them will eventually end up returning to Rikers even after they’re released. One woman cries when she learns her baby might be ill but, when we see her during her second stint at Rikers, she blithely comments that her baby was taken away by “the city.” As with so many inmates, she explains that she was set free with no training as to how to remain free. As an addict, she has discovered the system is more interesting in punishing her addiction than treating it.

The biggest problem with the criminal justice system is that it rarely rehabilitates but instead creates a situation where no one can get or take advantage of a second chance. 30 years after it was released, Lock-Up reminds us that this is hardly a new problem.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 2.6 “The Farmer’s Daughter”

Posted on May 1, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

Say, have you heard the joke about the traveling Bible salesman and the farmer’s daughter? How about the one about the Man from Nantucket….

Episode 2.6 “The Farmer’s Daughter”

(Dir by Michael Warren Powell, originally aired on November 5th, 1989)

On a rainy night, traveling salesman Howard Filby (Soupy Sales) has an accident in front of the farmhouse owned by …. well, the show just calls them Ma (Bobo Lewis) and Pa (George Hall). Ma and Pa seem like good country folks. (That said, just their names brought to mind the owners of the Ma & Pa General Store on King of the Hill. “I guess your Pa because you’re PA-thetic!” “And you’re Ma because you’re always ridin’ mah ass!”) Ma and Pa are willing to let Howard spend the night at the farmhouse, out of the rain. He can just sleep up in the attic. They’ll have to put up a privacy sheet, of course. Their daughter Lucy (Stephanie Phillips) also stays up in the attic.

That privacy sheet doesn’t stay up for long. Howard becomes intrigued by Lucy’s silhouette and her sultry voice. When the sheet comes down, Howard is relieved to discover that Lucy is just as attractive as she sounded. Lucy asks Howard for his undying love and Howard’s willing to give it. Lucy talks about heading downstairs to let Ma and Pa know that they’ll be getting married. Howard’s a little bit surprised to hear that….

Howard’s even more surprised when he accidentally pulls off a chunk of Lucy’s skin. It turns out that Lucy is not quite who Howard thought she was and that Howard is hardly the first salesman to be brought to the farmhouse and sent up to the attic. Even as Howard struggles in the attic, Ma and Pa sit in their living room and smile at the sound of another fender bender outside….

This was a nicely atmospheric episode. Having heard all the various stories and jokes about traveling salesman and farmer’s daughters, I can’t say that I was particularly surprised by the direction that the story took but the episode still works as an example of American folk horror. Soupy Sales was a comedian and a children’s show host and, according to Wikipedia, his trademark was getting a pie slammed in his face. (Ouch!) With that in mind, I guess it’s not a surprise that Sales’s performance occasionally leans a bit too much towards the goofy side. (There’s a difference between playing the role with humor and just mugging for the camera.) However, Stephanie Phillips, George Hall, and Bobo Lewis are all effectively creepy as the faux friendly farmhouse inhabitants.

Interestingly enough, this episode was co-written by character actor Bob Balaban. As a director, Balaban was responsible for Parents, another film about a seemingly perfect married couple with a secret.

The Films of 2024: Shirley (dir by John Ridley)

Posted on May 1, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

In 1972, a New York Congressperson named Shirley Chisholm made history when, in January of that year, she announced that she would be a candidate for the Democrat presidential nomination. Chisholm, who had already made history when she became the first Black woman to be elected to Congress, was also the first Black woman to run for a major party’s presidential nomination.

(For the record, U.S. Senator Margaret Chase Smith of Maine and the Rev. Channing Phillips were, respectively, the first woman and the first Black to run for a major party’s presidential nomination. Smith lost the Republican nomination to Barry Goldwater in 1964. In 1968, Phillips was the first Black to have his name officially put into nomination at a major party political convention.)

Of course, Chisholm did not win in 1972. She was one of many liberal candidates who declared that they were running as an alternative to the presumed front runner, U.S. Sen. Edmund Muskie. When Muskie’s campaign stalled in New Hampshire, it was George McGovern (and not Shirley Chisolm, John Lindsay, Eugene McCarthy, or Fred Harris) who benefitted. For the most part, the media viewed Chisholm as being a protest candidate, one who had a small but loyal activist base but which couldn’t compete with candidates like McGovern and Hubert Humphrey. Still, Chisholm went into the convention with a handful of delegates and, with McGovern not having enough pledged delegates to win outright, it was expected that Shirley Chisholm would at least be able to get some concessions from him in return for her support.

Political conventions being what they are, things didn’t work out that way. Due to several backroom deals, George McGovern was able to secure the nomination during the first round of voting. McGovern went on to suffer a landslide defeat and for years, his general election campaign would be held up as an example of how not to run for President. Chisholm returned to the U.S. Congress, where she served for another ten years.

Featuring Regina King in the title role, Shirley is a dramatization of that primary campaign. In many ways, it’s a typical Netflix docudrama. It’s well-made and it’s tasteful and occasionally, it’s a little bit boring. Political junkies will enjoy it, particularly if they’ve studied the 1972 presidential election. My inner history nerd was thrilled as largely forgotten historical figures were casually mentioned in the dialogue. Who would have guessed that a film released in 2024 would have featured characters talking about the presidential campaigns of Sam Yorty, John Lindsay, and Walter Fauntroy? Sadly, no mention is made of Patsy Mink. While Shirley Chisholm was making history as the first Black woman to run for president, U.S. Rep. Patsy T. Mink of Hawaii was doing the same as the first Asian-American woman to run.

It’s an uneven film, one that takes it time getting started. Filmmaker John Ridley is a better writer than director. Some of the scenes, like the ones of Chisholm mentoring a young Barbara Lee (Christina Jackson), felt a bit too much on the nose. (That said, Barbara Lee did start her career as a volunteer with the Chisholm campaign and, while in Congress, she regularly cited Chisholm as an inspiration.) But then there were other scenes that worked wonderfully, like Chisholm visiting segregationist George Wallace (W. Earl Brown) after Wallace had been shot. The film is at its best when it reaches the Democrat Convention and Chisholm goes from being elated to disappointed as one of her strongest allies goes from supporting her to announcing that it’s time for all the black delegates to line up behind McGovern. Regina King’s performance, especially towards the end of the film, captures both Shirley Chisholm’s strength and her vulnerability. It’s not always easy being a trailblazer.

Finally, if you want to learn more about Shirley Chisholm’s 1972 presidential campaign, I suggest the 2005 documentary, Shirley Chisholm ’72: Unbought and Unbossed.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.14 “First Voyage, Last Voyage/April, the Ninny/The Loan Arranger”

Posted on May 1, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Oh, hey, Charo’s back.

Episode 4.15 “First Voyage, Last Voyage/April, the Ninny/The Loan Arranger”

(Dir by Roger Duchowny, originally aired on January 17th, 1981)

April’s back!

Played by Charo, April Lopez was one of the few recurring characters on The Love Boat. Whereas other actors appeared frequently but always as different characters, Charo was always April whenever she boarded The Love Boat. The first time she boarded the ship, she did so as a stowaway. The next two times, she boarded as the cruise’s entertainment. This season, however, April boards as someone who has grown tired of show business. When last we saw her, April was in love with a guy named Tex and planning on playing Las Vegas. However, when April boards this time, she quickly informs both Julie and Isaac that she and Tex are no longer a couple and Vegas didn’t work out because she was expected to play her guitar while naked.

(“They could have at least gotten you a cello,” Isaac replies.)

April wants a new career, which she gets when she meets Ty Younger (Larry Linville), who is wealthy but who also has two bratty kids who are always chasing off their nannies. They can’t chase off April, who understands that the best way to calm a bratty child is to grab your guitar and sing to them at night. April gives up show business to become a nanny but I don’t think it’ll last. April is too impulsive to settle down, and Ty’s kids really are the worst. (As well, Charo and Larry Linville didn’t exactly generate a lot of heat in their scenes together.) April may leave the boat with a new family but hopefully, she’ll return alone in the fifth season.

Speaking of the worst, Cindy Simmons (Maureen McCormick) is dying but her parents (Ty Hardin and Kathleen Nolan) haven’t gotten around to telling her yet. Cindy thinks that she’s made a full recovery from her recent illness. Her parents don’t want to upset Cindy but when Cindy meets and falls in love with Paul Harris (Jay Thomas), they realize that they’re going to have to tell Cindy the truth. Poor Cindy! Fortunately, this is The Love Boat and Paul isn’t going to let a little thing like impending death get in the way of romance. I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve seen Maureen McCormick on both The Love Boat and Fantasy Island. For this episode, McCormick does a pretty good job with her role and she and Jay Thomas make for an attractive couple.

“I guess I’m still getting my sea legs,” Cindy says to Paul.

“Your legs look mighty fine to me,” Paul replies.

That’s about as witty as things get on this cruise.

Finally, Joey (Richard Kline) is a mob enforcer who has been sent to collect a debt owed by Tony Patacchio, a gambling addict. However, Joey gets distracted when he meets a woman named Antoinette (Lisa Hartman) who enjoys gambling. Joey falls for Antoinette and, unable to find Tony, he even spends the night in her cabin. Hmmm …. Tony …. Antoinette …. Toni….

Yes, Joey has fallen in love with the person he was supposed to rough up. Fortunately, Joey is willing to fix a poker game so that Toni can win enough of his money to pay off her debt. When Toni realizes that Joey lost his money to her on purpose, she declares that she can’t take his money. “If we were married,” Joey says, “It would be our money.”

Richard Kline is not a particularly believable debt collector. (Tony Soprano would have tossed him in a dumpster.) It’s also strange that his boss would send him to collect a debt without bothering to give him a physical description of the person he was supposed to intimidate. The whole storyline was full of holes but I’m surprised to say that I did end up rooting Kline and Hartman to get together. The two of them had enough chemistry to overcome the fact that their story made very little sense.

Previously, whenever Charo was a guest star, she dominated the entire episode, for better or worse. With this episode, she seems kind of bored with the whole thing, as if Charo was just as fed up with show business as April. Instead, it was Maureen McCormick and Jay Thomas who dominated the episode with Richard Kline and Lisa Hartman also getting their share of good scenes. It makes for a bit of an uneven episode but I defy anyone not to feel something when Paul declares that he wants to spend the rest of Cindy’s life with her. Mixing romantic melodrama and goofy comedy is what made The Love Boat a treasure of American pop culture.

The Eric Roberts Collection: The Savant (dir by Sherri Kauk)

Posted on May 1, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I swear, I will sit through the worst films for the promise of an Eric Roberts cameo.

Roberts is only featured in about two minutes of 2019’s The Savant. According to the credits, he was playing a character named Lonnie. At one point, he called the film’s hero, police officer Nick Tantino (Frank Giglio), and had a nonsensical conversation with him while he was arresting a random person. I’m not really sure who Lonnie was supposed to be and the scene had very little to do with the film’s story. In fact, the scene just randomly occurred. I’m going to guess that the film needed to be padded out and someone said, “Let’s call Eric Roberts and add another name to the cast.”

Eric Roberts is not the only familiar face to show up in the film.

Martin Kove plays a literature professor who is also a sensei. One of his former students, an evil District Attorney named Zane Carroll (played by Eric Etebari), calls him for advice.

Former TV actress Joyce DeWitt plays a detective. Her partner, who tells a lot of bad jokes, is played by comedian and former Howard Stern flunky, Jackie Martling.

Veteran genre actress Julie McCullough plays a judge, who screams at a defense attorney.

Thomas G. Waites, who was one of The Warriors, plays a police chief.

Robert Loggia shows up as Dr. Reno, a psychiatrist who bellows at everyone and who explains how the savant mind works. Of all the “names” in the film, Loggia gets the most screentime. Interestingly enough, Loggia died in 2015 and The Savant was released four years later. I’m not sure when The Savant was actually filmed but considering how messy the film is and how many plot points are brought up and then abandoned and also the fact that the characters often look totally different from scene-to-scene, I’m going to guess shooting went on for a while.

As for the film, it’s about an autistic savant named Anthony (Miguel Jarquin-Moreland) who beats up a bully. Nick, who has been assigned to work as a glorified security guard at Anthony’s high school, takes Anthony under his wing and trains him to be a MMA fighter. It turns out that the secret of communicating with Anthony is to speak to him in Spanish so we get several scenes of Nick calling him a “pendejo” in order to get Anthony to fight. The entire film builds up to a cage match between Anthony and his bully just for Nick to suddenly cancel the match and instead enter the ring to fight Zane, who is not just a district attorney but also the sensei of his own karate school.

Zane is determined to not only defeat Nick in the ring but to also destroy Nick’s career by telling the police about the time that Nick killed two men in Italy. The murders are not in the record because, according to Zane, they happened “before we had international law.” What? Anyway, Zane decides to create a false criminal record for Nick because Zane is jealous over the fact that Nick is falling in love with Anthony’s sister, a defense attorney named Cassy (Suzy Kaye). Zane even sleeps with Nick’s ex-wife to get revenge. Seriously, I love the fact that Zane is both a prosecutor and a sensei. I mean, how does he find the time?

There’s a lot of plot in this movie. None of it really makes sense but it’s hard not be amused at just how incoherent it all is. The film is full of random and seemingly unrelated scenes, like a lengthy sequence where a defense attorney argues that his client, a doctor, was performing euthanasia when he shot three heroin addicts in the head. “Free Dr. Clark!” the courtroom crowd chants. (Of course, Dr. Clark is never again mentioned after this scene. The shouts of “Free Dr. Clark” brought to mind the “Free Hat!” episode of South Park.) The Savant plays out like a fever dream, one that dares you to try to make sense of it all.

Well, good luck with that. I could sit here and spending hours write about all of the film’s plot holes. But what’s important is that this film featured a lot of Robert Loggia yelling and about two minutes of Eric Roberts. Plan accordingly.

Previous Eric Roberts Films That We Have Reviewed:

The TSL Grindhouse: Jailbait (dir by Jared Cohn)

Posted on May 1, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

First released in 2014, Jailbait tells the story of Anna Nix (Sara Malakul Lane).

Anna is a teenager who loves to play the cello, largely because it allow her a mentally escape from her abusive homelife. When her stepfather sexually assaults her, Anna pushes him back and he ends up hitting his head on a wall and promptly dying. After her own mother testifies that Anna is lying about the abuse she suffered at the hands of her stepfather, Anna is sent to a juvenile prison.

Warden Frank Baragan (Steve Hanks) has a quick smile and a dorky sense of humor and he might seem earnest and supportive when he tries to encourage Anna to play her cello at the prison talent show but he quickly reveals himself to be as much of a perv as Anna’s stepfather. Warden Frank is willing to help Anna but only if she does things for him. (You can guess what things.) And, even when Anna complies, Frank makes it clear that there’s no way he’s going to support her efforts to get parole.

There’s a lot to deal with in this prison. Anna’s cellmate, the well-meaning Genie (Jennifer Robyn Jacobs), may love her but Genie can only provide so much support. Meanwhile, gang leader Kody (Erin O’Brien) provides Anna with protection but only as long as Anna follows orders. (Kody even forces Anna to get a tattoo identifying her as being a part of the gang.) As soon as Anna tries to get away from Kody, she finds herself targeted. Anna soon starts smoking and then injecting drugs, becoming an addict who is continually sent to the dark, dirty, and vermin-infested isolation cells, where no clothing is allowed. (Yuck! If I was ever on one of those Scared Straight shows, all of that would be enough to keep me out of prison.) Will Anna be able to survive long enough to not only impress the other prisoners with her cello skills but also to expose the corrupt warden?

Released by The Asylum, Jailbait hits all of the usual women-in-prison movie beats. It’s definitely a sordid film, one of those movies where everyone somehow still looks good despite living in a filthy prison and only getting to take a shower once or twice a week. (Occasionally, someone will get a smudge of dirt on their face but considering the amount of time that many of the characters spend locked away naked in a filthy cell, everyone still looks remarkably clean and healthy.) That said, Jailbait was still better than I was expecting, largely due to the performance of Sara Malakul Lane, who didn’t let the fact that she was starring in an exploitation film keep her from giving a fully committed performance. She gets strong support from Jennifer Robyn Jacobs, Erin O’Brien, and especially Steve Hanks. (Oh, how you will hate the Warden!) Director Jared Cohn is a veteran when it comes to directing on a low budget and he keeps the action moving quickly.

Don’t get me wrong, of course. The film has its flaws. I’ve read a few comments online from some people who felt that the cello scenes were not convincing. I’ve never played the cello so, to be honest, I really wouldn’t know. But, with all that in mind, this film is far better than I would expect any film called Jailbait to be.

Concert Film Review: Pink Floyd: Live At Pompeii (dir by Adrian Melben)

Posted on May 1, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The summer after I graduated high school, I took a trip to Italy.

I absolutely loved it. There’s nothing more wonderful than being 18 and irresponsible in one of the most beautiful and romantic countries in Europe. I also loved it because everywhere I looked in Italy, I saw the remains of history. When I was in Rome, I visited the Colosseum. When I was in Southern Italy, I visited Comune di Melissa, the village where some of my ancestors once lived. When I visited Florence, I became so overwhelmed by the beauty of it all that I nearly fainted.

And then there was Pompeii. I spent a day visiting the ruins of Pompeii and it was an amazing experience. The eruption of Mt. Vesuvius in 79 AD may have been horrific for the Romans but it’s also gave history nerds like me a chance to step right into the past. Beyond just the thrill of seeing how the world once was, I have two main memories of Pompeii:

First, there was the visit to Pompeii’s brothel. An Australian tourist lay down on one of the stone slabs so that his family could take pictures of him.

Secondly, there was the fact that I wore a really pretty red dress for my visit but I failed to take into account that 1) the area around Pompeii is very hilly and 2) it was a very windy day. So, I can say that I’ve not only visited but I’ve flashed Pompeii as well.

My love for Italy and my memories of Pompeii are the two main reasons why I watched the 1972’s Pink Floyd: Live at Pompeii. It certainly wasn’t due to any great love for Pink Floyd, a band for which I have mixed feelings. On the one hand, I can’t deny their talent and I do like quite a few of their songs, if they do all tend to be a bit on the portentous side. On the other hand …. Roger Waters! Bleh, Roger Waters. Waters was one of the founders of Pink Floyd and, for a while, the band’s de facto leader. He’s also a rabid anti-Semite and a defender of Vladimir Putin’s. That said, I’ve discovered that I can justify listening to Pink Floyd by remembering that the rest of the band hates Roger Waters as well and that Waters himself eventually left Pink Floyd. Waters’s bandmate, David Gilmour, has flat-out called Roger Waters an anti-Semite. Of course, as I watched Pink Floyd: Live at Pompeii, I realized that I wasn’t sure which one was Waters and which one was Gilmour.

I should note that there are multiple versions of this documentary. The version that I watched was the original, which has a 64-minute running time and features the band performing at the ancient Roman amphitheater in Pompeii. This version was released in 1972. In 1974, it was re-released with additional footage of the band working on Dark Side of the Moon. This version also featured interviews with the members of the band. Presumably, if I had watched the ’74 version, I would know who was Waters and who was Gilmour.

But I watched the 1972 version, where the emphasis is on the band performing their music while shots of Pompeii flash on the screen. Other than the film crew, there is no audience watching the band perform. (I guess that one could claim that this documentary was an early music video.) There’s no interviews with the band and the members are so focused on their music that none of them really get much chance to show off much personality. The 1972 version, without any interviews, is a “These guys sure can play!” documentary. For the most part, it’s an entertaining film to watch. Pink Floyd’s music, which can be both silly and thrilling at the same time, has just the right otherworldly feel for Pompeii. Though they were oddly anonymous in the way that many big bands from the 70s were, the members of the band were definitely talented and their music sounded like something one would hear minutes before getting swallowed up in a flood of molten lava.

In the end, the important thing is that Pink Floyd sounded good. And, as always, Pompeii was beautiful.

A Loyalty Day Film Review: My Son John (dir by Leo McCarey)

Posted on May 1, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Oh my God, did you know that it’s Loyalty Day!?

Well, actually, it’s not Loyalty Day for everyone. In fact, a lot of the world’s citizens are celebrating Communist May Day today. However, here in the United States, it’s Loyalty Day. Even if you are an American, it’s possible that you’ve never heard of Loyalty Day. It was first celebrated in 1921 and it was intended to provide a non-Communist alternative to International Workers Day. It wasn’t until 1955 that Loyalty Day was officially recognized by Congress.

From Wikipedia:

Loyalty Day is defined as follows in 36 U.S.C. § 115:

(a) Designation.— May 1 is Loyalty Day.
(b) Purpose.— Loyalty Day is a special day for the reaffirmation of loyalty to the United States and for the recognition of the heritage of American freedom.
(c) Proclamation.— The President is requested to issue a proclamation—
- (1) calling on United States Government officials to display the flag of the United States on all Government buildings on Loyalty Day; and
- (2) inviting the people of the United States to observe Loyalty Day with appropriate ceremonies in schools and other suitable places.

Though released before it officially became a holiday, the 1952 film, My Son John, is perfect for Loyalty Day.

The John of the title is John Jefferson (Robert Walker, in his final role), an employee of the State Department. While his younger brothers (played by Richard Jaeckel and James Young) are two high school football stars who are looking forward to serving their country in Korea, John is an intellectual who considers concepts like patriotism to be simplistic and naive. While his father (Dean Jagger) sings patriotic songs at the American Legion hall, John rolls his eyes at such middle class activities. (“If you don’t like your Uncle Sammy,” move to another country, John’s father sings.) The only person to whom John is especially close is his nervous mother, Lucille (Helen Hayes).

However, John is keeping a secret from even Lucille. He’s a double agent, working for the communists! With FBI agent Stedman (Van Heflin) hot on his trail, will John ever be able to see the light about the communists? And, how will the communists respond to John having doubts about the cause?

My Son John was a dream project for Hollywood director Leo McCarey. (It’s not a coincidence that the devoutly Catholic McCarey made a film about a devoutly Catholic family who discovers that one of their own has become a communist.) McCarey carefully supervised every detail of the film and he was even able to talk stage legend Helen Hayes into starring in the film, her first in 14 years. My Son John is full of scenes of shadowy communists, smug intellectuals, and all-American FBI agents marveling at the strength of Lucille Jefferson’s faith. Everything that is today often cited as a negative aspect to living in the suburbs is presented as being a positive in My Son John. The film’s communists come into a world of happy families, big houses, and well-manicured lawns and they set out to make everyone else as miserable as they are. There’s nothing subtle about either McCarey’s approach or Helen Hayes’s performance but, as is often the case with propaganda, the film is crudely effective.

My Son John was Robert Walker’s final film. In fact, he died before completing work on the film, leading the ending being rewritten. (No longer would John personally deliver a commencement address. Instead, his words come out of a tape player that has been rolled out on stage. A holy light shines down on the player while The Battle Hymn of the Republic plays in the background. It’s bizarre but it’s also probably the most memorable part of the movie.) Scenes from Strangers On A Train were rather awkwardly spliced into final moments of My Son John, never mind the fact that Robert Walker’s gleefully evil performance as Bruno Antony had little in common with his self-tortured performance as John Jefferson.

Surprisingly, considering that My Son John was released at the height of the anti-Communist era, the film was not a success at the box office. (Audiences seemed to better appreciate low-budget and pulpier anti-communist films, like I Was A Communist For The FBI.) Still, thanks to the Internet, My Son John is still available to be viewed on this Loyalty Day.

So, remember — if you don’t like your Uncle Sammy …. well, actually, the cool thing about this country is that you don’t have to like your Uncle Sammy. You have the right to decide for yourself how you feel about old Uncle Sammy. That’s an idea that is worth being loyal to.