Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 2.15 “MAIT Team”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!

This episode was a tough one.

Episode 2.5 “MAIT Team”

(Dir by John Florea, originally aired on January 13th, 1979)

On a desolate stretch of highway, several cars sit totaled.  At least two are in flames.  A truck sits stalled in the middle of the road, the bloody body of the driver still behind the steering wheels.  A woman screams that her father is having a heart attack.  Sitting off the road, in a ditch, is an overturned police car.  Officer Sindy Cahill is unconscious in the wreckage.

This hardly a typical episode of CHiPs.  This show has featured many spectacular crashes but this episode is the first to feature fatalities.  And its not just one person who dies in the crash.  Eleven people die, including the driver of the truck and the man having a heart attack.  The sight of Ponch looking at the dead bodies is jarring because it’s not what we expect from a show like CHiPs.

And, I have to admit, it was jarring for me on a personal level.  In May, my Dad was in a serious car accident, one that ultimately involved four vehicles.  He broke his shoulder and, afterwards, had to learn how to walk again.  He spent a week in a hospital.  (That was the week that we didn’t have any power due to the storms so I couldn’t even call to get an update on his condition.)  He spent a month in a rehab facility, staying there until his insurance company kicked him out.  Severely weakened by the stress and Parkinson’s, he came home and died a month later.  I still find myself thinking about how, if he just hadn’t gone to the store that Sunday, he never would have been in that accident and he would still be alive today.  Did I say that I merely think about it?  It’s actually something that I’ve been obsessing on, even since the hospital first called me to tell me what had happened.  I had a hard time watching this episode of CHiPs and I’m having a hard time writing about it right now.

It’s a good episode, even if it is very different from the episodes that came before it.  Ponch, Jon, and a group of experts (known as the MAIT Team) attempt to determine what caused the accident.  With a lefty state senator (played by Victor Newman himself, Eric Braeden) and an insurance investigator (Michael Bell) both eager to put the blame on Cahill, it falls to the MAIT Team to figure out what caused the accident and to assign blame.  In the end, just as with my Dad’s accident, they discover that no one was truly at fault.  The setting sun reflected off a distant mirror and temporarily blinded the driver.  Cahill ended up in a ditch after she swerved to avoid him.  The other drivers were just in the wrong place at the wrong time.  Life is like that sometimes.

The emphasis here was on everyone working together to get to the truth.  Even the state senator and the insurance investigator played an important role in discovering what happened.  By being skeptical, they forced the MAIT Team to question everything and truly uncover the facts of the accident.  As this episode made clear, the MAIT Team wasn’t formed just to exonerate Cahill.  Instead, the MAIT Team was all about getting to truth, no matter what that truth might be.

Though this episode was not an easy one for me to watch, it was a good one.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 3.2 “Stone’s War”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, another friend of Sonny’s gets killed.

Episode 3.2 “Stone’s War”

(Dir by David Jackson, originally aired on October 3rd, 1986)

Sonny Crockett’s old friend, journalist Ira Stone (Bob Balaban), returns to Miami and he’s in trouble once again.

The last time we saw Stone, he appeared to be dying as the result of being severely wounded by Col. William Maynard (G. Gordon Liddy).  I guess Stone survived because this episode opens with him and a cameraman in Nicaragua, filming anti-Communist rebels opening fire on a village.  They even gun down a priest!  However, it turns out that the rebels have got some help from some men who appear to be American.  Stone’s cameraman is shot.  Apparently leaving him to die, Stone grabs the tape of the attack and then flees to Miami.

In Miami, Stone tracks down Sonny, who is reluctant to get involved with Stone.  However, when it becomes obvious that some agents of the government are not only following Stone but also trying to assassinate him, Crockett changes his mind.  It turns out that the men in Nicaragua do indeed work for Col. Maynard.  Maynard makes a return appearance, showing off a necklace of ears that have been chopped off of communists in an attempt to get businessmen to invest in his army.  This episode drops some very obvious hints that Maynard is now working for the U.S. government.

In their efforts to help Stone get his tape to the public, Crockett and Tubbs get a few people killed.  Local reporter Alica Mena (Lonette McKee) is murdered after Maynard’s men break into her office to search for the tape.  In the end, Stone himself is once again wounded by Maynard’s man and this time, he actually dies on-camera.  As for Maynard, he once again boards a private plane and escapes.  The episode ends on a properly cynical note, with Crockett listening to reports blaming the death of the priest on the Nicaraguan government.

Actually, this whole episode feels a bit cynical.  On the one hand, this episode criticizes the American government for being so anti-communist that it tries to overthrow the governments of other counties.  On the other hand, a good deal of the episode’s running time is devoted to showing off Sonny’s new car, a 1986 Ferrari Testarossa.  There’s even an extended chase scene that seems to exist largely so the show can work in as many close-ups of Sonny changing gears as possible.  It’s a cool car but just try to get one in Nicaragua, Venezuela, or Cuba.  (Or, I should say, try to get one without being related to someone who is in power.)

Ira Stone was a bit more compelling in his previous appearance on the show.  In this episode, Balaban’s performance is almost too low-key.  It lacks the manic instability of his first appearance, in which Stone was portrayed as being almost as mad as Maynard.  This time out, he’s just another independent journalist who is convinced the government is out to get him.  Fortunately, G. Gordon Liddy returns to Maynard and takes so much obvious joy in the role that he’s fun to watch.  As I mentioned when Liddy last appeared on this episode, my father had a “G. Gordon Liddy for President” bumper sticker.  As far as Watergate felons are concerned, Liddy was certainly less annoyingly self-righteous and more honest about his amorality than John Dean has turned out to be.

As a whole, this wasn’t a bad episode.  Like last week’s episode, it was serviceable but it still seemed to be lacking the spark that distinguished the show’s first two seasons.  For the second week in a row, Miami Vice puts more emphasis on its guest stars than the main cast and, perhaps as a result, the main cast seems to largely be going through the motions.  (Zito and Gina don’t even appear in this episode.  Castillo is barely present, which is interesting considering that the character is supposed to have connections in U.S. intelligence that would have perhaps been a bit helpful this time around.)  Still, it was good to see both Stone and Maynard return to the show and remind the viewers that the vice in Miami is often the result of conflicts happening elsewhere.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi Junior High 3.11 “Taking Off: Part One”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi Junior High, which aired on CBC and PBS from 1987 to 1989!  The series can be streamed on YouTube!

This week, Degrassi goes there!

Episode 3.11 “Taking Off: Part One”

(Dir by Kit Hood, originally aired on February 13th, 1989)

Gourmet Scum has come to Toronto and everyone is excited to hear the Scum sound.  At the concert, Shane and Luke (Andy Chambers) purchase LSD from the local Scum dug dealer.  Shane drops acid before the concert begins.  Surely, this won’t lead to any trouble, right?

Meanwhile, Wheels is still skipping school.  While his teachers send notes to his grandmother to let her know that Wheels is falling behind, Wheels is spending all of his time playing a boxing video game at the local arcade.  When Joey asks Wheels how can afford to spend all day playing one game over and over again, Wheels says that he sold his bass.

“What about the Zit Remedy?!” Joey says.

Sorry, Joey, Wheels doesn’t care about school or your stupid band anymore.  In fact, Wheels is planning on running away from home.  When he gets a birthday postcard from his biological father, Wheels discovers his father’s band has a two-week gig at Port Hope.  Wheels decides to join his father, despite not being sure where New Hope is.  In fact, it’s not even Wheels’s birthday.  His birth father missed the date by about a month but Wheels doesn’t care.  Wheels just wants to get away from everything.

How is Wheels going to get to New Hope?  He decides to hitchhike!  Uhmm …. not a good idea, Wheels.  Actually, everyone who picks up Wheels seems to be pretty nice.  That is until this guy pulls up….

“Don’t do it!” I shouted as Wheels got in the car.  Unfortunately, as this all happened 35 years ago and I was just watching it play out on YouTube, Wheels couldn’t hear me.

As they drive towards what Wheels assumes is Port Hope, the driver (chillingly played by James Knapp) asks Wheels if he has a lot of girlfriends.  He asks Wheels if he works out.  He asks a lot of questions that immediately raise red flags.  Not that Wheels notices….

Suddenly, the driver pulls off the road, turns to Wheels, and grabs Wheels’s thigh.  AGCK!  Wheels manages to get the door open and scrambles out of the car.  The driver throws Wheels’s backpack out of the car and then drives off, leaving Wheels in the middle of nowhere.

Meanwhile, back in Toronto, Joey’s mother tells Joey that Shane’s mother has been calling because Shane didn’t come home after the concert.  Soon, the police are talking to all of Shane’s friends and trying to figure out where he could be.  Luke is asked whether Shane did any drugs.  Luke lies and says, “No.”

This was a classic Degrassi episode and probably one of the most effective anti-hitchhiking PSAs ever filmed.  When the driver attacked Wheels, it was a truly frightening moment and it was impossible not to remember all of the times, over the course of this season, that Wheels has bragged about his ability to take care of himself.  Now, Wheels is stuck in the middle of nowhere and Shane, who didn’t pay child support specifically so he could go to the concert, is missing.

Never has “To be continued….” felt more ominous.

Retro Television Review: Homicide: Life on the Street 1.1 “Gone For Goode”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC!  It  can be viewed on Peacock.

Today, I take a look at the pilot for a show that has been called one of the best of all time.

Episode 1.1 “Gone For Goode”

(Directed by Barry Levinson, originally aired on January 31st, 1993)

The opening credits for the first episode of Homicide: Life on the Street immediately announce that the show is not going to be a typical network cop show.  The music starts out as moody and low-key before eventually being dominated by a pulsating beat.  The images of dirty streets and crumbling rowhouses and of a dog running around behind a fence are all in black-and-white.  The faces of the cast appear, the majority of them in harsh close-up.  When viewed today, most of the faces are familiar.  Daniel Baldwin, Ned Beatty, Andre Braugher, Clark Johnson, Yaphet Kotto, Melissa Leo, Jon Polito, and Kyle Secor all flash by and the thing that the viewer will immediately notice is that it’s almost as if they’ve been filmed to remove any hint of glamour or attractiveness.  (Out of that impressive cast, only Baldwin, Johnson, Leo, and Secor are still with us.)

Gone for Goode tells several stories, introducing the detectives as they investigate various murders in Baltimore.  Meldrick Lewis (Clark Johnson) and Steve Crosetti (Jon Polito) are first seen searching for a bullet in a dark alleyway and arguing in only the way that two people who have worked with each other for a long time can argue.  Lewis continually refers to Crosetti as a “salami-head,” and Crosetti, who claims that he’s being kept up at night by his doubts about whether or not John Wilkes Booth was actually Lincoln’s assassin, repeatedly says that Lewis will regret that.  Later, Crosetti writes a complaint about the ethnic insults that he’s been forced to listen to but apparently, he never actually sends it.

When not arguing with each other, Crosetti and Lewis investigate “Aunt Calpurnia,” who has buried five husbands and whose niece has nearly been murdered three times.  Aunt Calpurnia has life insurance policies out on everyone.  While digging up Calpurnia’s former husband, Lewis comments that the body in the grave doesn’t look as large as the man in the picture that he’s been given.  The cemetery’s caretaker replies, “Nobody stays fat down there.”  Technically, that’s true but it also turns out that the wrong man was buried in the grave and the caretaker has no idea where anyone is actually buried.

Detective Felton (Daniel Baldwin) and Detective Howard (Melissa Leo) investigate the murder of a man who was found decaying in a basement.  Howard is the primary detective on the case because Felton, being a screw-up, has too many unsolved cases under his name on the dry-erase board that dominates the squad room.  Howard currently has a streak of solved homicides and that continues for her when the murderer just happens to call the crime scene and then agrees to come in for a talk.

Detective Stanley Bolander (Ned Beatty) guilts Detective John Munch (Richard Belzer, who would play the same character years later on Law & Order: SVU) into investigating a hit-and-run that happened months ago.  Munch, who earlier tells a suspect that he is not Montel Williams (“So don’t like to me like I’m Montel Williams”) and leaves both Bolander and the suspect confused as to who Montel Williams is, eventually discovers that the murder was committed by a brain-dread idiot who can only repeat, “I was drinking,” when he’s confronted with his guilt.

Finally, Lt. Al Giardello (Yaphet Kotto) assigns Felton to work with Frank Pembleton (Andre Braugher), a brilliant but arrogant detective who insists on working alone.  Pembleton and Felton’s partnership begins with Pembleton spending an hour in the station’s garage, searching for his squad car because Pembleton forgot to write down the parking space on the back of his keys.  (Of course the garage is full of identical white cars.)  When Felton says suggests just going upstairs and getting a new set of keys, Pembleton shouts that the next car he tries to unlock could be the right car.

Needless to say, the Pembleton/Felton partnership does not last and Pembleton instead ends up working with an eager newcomer to the squad, Tim Bayliss (Kyle Secor).  They two of them work surprisingly well together until Bayliss objects to Pembleton “fooling” a suspect into waving his right to an attorney.

As the episode comes to a close, Bayliss answers his first call in the squad room.  At the crime scene, in the middle of a torrential storm, he discovers the body of a small girl.

I have to say that the idea of trying to review Homicide: Life on The Street is a bit intimidating, just because the show has got an almost legendary reputation.  It’s often described as being the best cop show of the 90s, as well as being held up as a perfect example of a show that was too good to last.  It was never a hit in the ratings and came close to being canceled several times.  Because it was filmed in Baltimore, it was viewed as being an outsider amongst the New York and Hollywood-produced shows that dominated the airwaves.  Executive produced by Barry Levinson (who also directed Gone for Goode) and based on a non-fiction book by David Simon, Homicide is the show that is often cited as the precursor for The Wire, another show that was loved by the critics but not by its network or the Emmy voters.

The pilot is intriguing, largely because it seems determined to scare off its audience.  Unlike other television  detectives, who are inevitably portrayed as being crusaders who are obsessed with justice, the detectives in Homicide are a blue collar bunch who, for the most part, are just doing their job.  Sure, someone like Frank Pembleton might be brilliant.  And Stanley Bolander might truly mean it when he tells Munch that “we speak for the dead.”  And Bayliss does seem to be very enthusiastic about being a “thinking” policeman.  But the show suggests that most detectives are like Felton, Lewis, and Much.  They’re not particularly brilliant and their approach to the job can sometimes seem callous.  But occasionally, they get lucky and a murder is solved.  Indeed, if there is any real message to the pilot, it’s that criminals are stupid.  They get caught not because of brilliant police work but because they do stupid things, like calling the crime scene or failing to ditch the car that they sole.

That said, the pilot also does what a pilot is supposed to do.  It introduces the characters and gives them just enough space to make an impression, along with also leaving enough room for them to grow.  The characters may not all be instantly likeable but, fortunately, the strong cast holds your interest.  The pilot is very much a product of the 90s, with Munch ranting about Montel Williams and Crosetti mentioning Madonna at one point.  But, at the same time, it still feels relevant today.  Pop culture might change but murder remains the same.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Check It Out! 2.14 “Let’s Get Metaphysical”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Howard goes on a mission to save Marlene.

Episode 2.14 “Let’s Get Metaphysical”

(Dir by Alan Erlich, originally aired on January 25th, 1987)

Marlene’s been showing up late for work!

Christian thinks that it’s a big deal that Marlene isn’t showing up for work.  I’ve never had a retail job or a job where I had a boss who required me to do things but I do have to say that I think Christian has a point.  Since it appears that Cobb’s only has seven employees and it appears to be a rather large store with several different departments, I imagine it is a bit difficult when one of them doesn’t show up.

(Actually, two of them.  For some reason, Edna is not in this episode.)

Howard, however, says it’s no big deal because Marlene is only late because she’s in love with a new guy and this guy apparently likes to stay up all night and discuss philosophy.  (Bleh!  Sounds like she’s dating a real bore.)  But when Marlene starts lecturing at her register about how unfair it is to charge people for food, Christian feels that he has no choice but to fire her.  Marlene thanks Christian for setting her free and then leaves the store for her new home at the local commune.

Uh-oh …. MARLENE HAS JOINED A CULT!

Wanting to free her from the Order of Eternal Light, Howard decides to go down to the commune.  Accompanying him is Viker and I was happy about that because, as played by Gordon Clapp, Viker was a character who made any scene funnier by his very presence.  The head of the cult is a bearded man who calls himself Solar (Sam Moses).  Solar preaches a life of simplicity while living in a mansion and driving a Ferrari.

Howard decides that the best way to free Marlene is to go undercover and pretend to join the cult.  Over the next few days, Howard doesn’t show up at work but Marlene does.  Marlene explain that she left the cult after talking to a strange man with a beard.  She also says that she never saw Howard at the cult.

Suddenly, Howard shows up, wearing love beads and speaking in an Indian accent.  Marlene throws water on his face, which magically sets Howard free from Solar’s brainwashing.  Marlene tells Howard that she left on her own after talking to the bearded man.  Howard reveals that he was that bearded man….

Wow, it sounds like a lot of interesting stuff happened off-camera!  In fact, that’s the main problem with this episode.  Almost all of the interesting stuff — Marlene getting brainwashed, Howard going undercover, the police raiding the commune and arresting Solar — happens off-screen.  What we’re left with is okay but never quite as funny as it potentially could be.

Still, at least Marlene’s back!  Someone has to keep the sharp insults flying in that store and no one’s better at it than Marlene.

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 4.2 “The Drop-Ins Part 2”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, the fourth season premiere concludes.

Episode 4.2 “The Drop-Ins Part 2”

(Dir by Norman Abbott, originally aired on September 11th, 1978)

When last we saw the Sweathogs, they were planning on dropping out of school and getting real jobs, just like Barbarino.

At the start of the second part of the fourth season premiere, we discover the details of Barbarino’s new job.  He does indeed work at the hospital but, unlike what his classmates assumed, he’s not a doctor.  He’s not a nurse.  He’s not an X-ray technician.  He’s an orderly.  He mops the floor and he changes the sheets and he fluffs the pillows.  As he puts it, “I make 68 dollars a week and ten of that goes to Uncle Sam.”

(Little does Barbarino know that only having to give ten dollars to Uncle Sam would sound pretty good to future viewers.  I imagine by this point next year, we’ll be giving every cent to Uncle Sam and maybe we’ll be lucky to get some stale bread and Flint water in return.  And, of course, everyone will pretend to love it.)

Gabe comes down to see Barbarino.  He tells Barbarino that the Sweathogs look up to him and he asks Barbarino to talk to them about staying in school.  Barbarino, who is mopping the floor, points out that he dropped out and he’s already got a job.

“If this is all you want to do with your life,” Gabe says, looking at Barbarino’s mop and bucket, “you didn’t need to go to school.”

“Now you to tell me,” Barbarino replies.

As for the Sweathogs, they’ve already talked to Barbarino and applied for jobs at the hospital.  But, looking over their applications, they realize that they have no job experience, no educational accomplishments, and no chance of getting a job.

When a patient nearly dies because Barbarino didn’t know how to push the emergency button or where to find the crash cart, he realizes that he needs to get more education.  Soon, he and the Sweathogs are standing in the doorway of Mr. Kotter’s classroom, ready for a new schoolyear.  Barbarino says he’s going to be a doctor but he knows he has to graduate high school first.  As for the other Sweathogs — well, they’re 40 year-old high school students.  What other choice do they have but to go to class?

Part Two of The Drop-Ins is a significant improvement on Part One, largely because the majority of the episode follows John Travolta’s Barbarino.  None of the Sweathogs were bad actors but, when watching an episode like this one, it’s easy to see why Travolta’s the one who went on to become a movie star.  As Barbarino, Travolta just has a natural charisma that can’t be faked.  Of the main Sweathogs, Barbarino is the one who you really find yourself hoping will eventually graduate.  He’s just such a nice guy, even if he is a little …. slow.

And so ends the fourth season premiere.  The Sweathogs are back in class ….  but for how long?

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 2.12 “The Playhouse”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!

Agck!  Stranger danger!

Episode 2.12 “The Playhouse”

(Dir by Tom McLoughlin, originally aired on January 28th, 1989)

Mike and Janine Carlson (played by Robert Oliveri and Lisa Jakub) are two young siblings living in the suburbs.  They don’t have much of a life.  Their mother (Belinda Metz) is neglectful and continually complains that her children are the reason why she can’t find a rich boyfriend.  Mike and Janine don’t appear to have any close friends.  Children are vanishing all over town and parents are telling their kids, “Don’t go off with strangers!” but no one seems to care enough about Mike and Janine to even check to make sure that they haven’t been kidnapped.

Mike and Janine have a playhouse, a gift that was given to them by one of their mother’s former boyfriends.  The playhouse is the only place where they feel happy.  It’s a place where they literally get anything that they wish for.  But sometimes, the door to the playhouse is locked.  When that happens, Mike and Janine have to convince someone else to go into the playhouse.  Once someone enters the playhouse, they find themselves trapped in a nightmarish world that is full of evil clowns and other circus figures.  Mike and Janine have to chant, “I hate you!  I hate you!” while the playhouse claims its victims.

Agck!  Seriously, this is a disturbing episode!  Not only are Mike and Janine terribly abused but almost all of their victims are children.  Perhaps because of the age of the people involved, this is the only episode of Friday the 13th: The Series in which no one dies.  They’re held prisoner in the playhouse and probably traumatized for life but they don’t die.  Fortunately, that means that they can be freed once Jack convinces Mike to chant, “I love you!” instead of “I hate you!”

Yep, this episode is all about the power of love but you really have to wonder if all of Mike and Janine’s problems can be solved by chanting, “I love you!”  I mean, aren’t the other kids going to remember that Mike and Janine held them prisoner in a nightmare universe?  The episode may end with the playhouse defeated by Mike and Janine are still living in that terrible suburb and their mother is still a resentful alcoholic.  Even though this episode has what would most would consider to be a happy ending — the kids are free! — it’s still incredibly dark.

This episode definitely left me feeling a bit shaken.  I hate seeing children in danger and that’s what this episode was all about.  Even things that sound kind of silly — like Mike chanting “I hate you!” while the playhouse does its thing — are actually rather disturbing when viewed.  The child actors are almost too convincing in this episode.  In the end, Jack says that all you need is love but this episode leaves you wondering if he’s correct.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 2.19 “Heaven on Earth”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee and several other services!

This week, things get a little bit sad on the highway to Heaven.

Episode 2.19 “Heaven on Earth”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on February 26th, 1986)

Now, this episode made me cry!

While visiting an amusement park on their day off, Jonathan and Mark come across a lost six year-old girl named Sarah (Morgan Nagler).  Jonathan offers to take Sarah to the park’s security office but Sarah says that she’s not allowed to go anywhere with a stranger.  After explaining that he’s a former cop and knows how to deal with lost children, Mark asks Sarah for the name of her mother.  After learning that Sarah’s mother is named Nancy, Mark goes to the security office and has them page her.  Soon, Sarah and Nancy are reunited.  Yay!

Later, as they drive through the desert, Mark and Jonathan are nearly run off the road by a drunk driver.  A few moments later, they come across an auto accident.  The owner of a jeep swerved to avoid the drunk and instead crashed into a station wagon.  Jonathan suddenly tells Mark that they should leave but Mark walks up to the overturned car and discovers that it was being driven by Nancy.  Nancy survived the accident but Sarah did not.

Broken-hearted, Mark blames himself.  He tells Jonathan that, if he hadn’t been so eager to show off, Sarah and Nancy wouldn’t have left the park when they did and they wouldn’t have been in the car accident.  Mark pulls the car over to the side of the road and tells Jonathan to get out.  Jonathan reluctantly does so and Mark drives off.

Mark drives until the car runs out of a gas on the outskirts of a small town.  The proprietor of a local store tells Mark that the town’s pretty much been dead since the new turnpike was built.  There are two gas stations but they’re both closed on Wednesday because the owners like to go fishing together.  Reluctantly, Mark goes to the local boarding house and asks for a room for the night.

Mark is shown his room by a helpful girl named Wendy (Alyson Croft).  Inside his room, Mark spots a picture of Wendy with Sarah and realizes that Jonathan led him to the boarding house.  Later, at dinner, Mark meets Wendy’s father, a divinity student named Tom Ward (Michael Anderson, Jr.)  When Wendy goes to call her friend Sarah to find out how the amusement park was, Mark can only sit in silence as Wendy tells her father that Sarah’s family wants to speak to him.  Without telling Wendy why, Tom says that he has to go to Sarah’s house.  He tells Wendy to get to bed early and then he leaves with his wife and their infant son.

Mark goes back to his room.  Wendy pops in and to give him a heater because the furnace is broken.  Unfortunately, the heater is also broken and makes an annoying clicking sound.  Mark angrily kicks it over before going for a walk.

While standing outside of a church, Mark hears the sirens of fire engines.  The Ward house is on fire!  The firemen manage to get out Wendy’s grandmother but they say there’s no way to rescue anyone else.  Mark rushes into the house, determined to save Wendy.  And …. he promptly faints.

When he awakens, he’s with Jonathan.  Jonathan says that “the boss” has decided to give Mark the chance to play God.  Mark says that he wants everything he wishes to be true and that he wants all of his mistakes to be corrected as if they never happened.

As a result, the town is suddenly thriving but the proprietor of the now 24-hour gas station is dead as a result of having worked himself to death.  Wendy is alive but, because Mark wished for her to have everything she ever wanted, she’s now a spoiled brat.  And Sarah….

When Mark demands to see Sarah, Jonathan takes him to the cemetery and shows him that Sarah is still dead.  Jonathan explains that Sarah’s death was not his fault.  It was the fault of the drunk driver and there was nothing Mark could have done to save her.

Mark awakens in the burning house.  Not only does he manage to save Wendy’s life but, once he’s released from the hospital’s burn unit, he and Jonathan once again hit the highway….

This was a good episode, though I have to say that the Wards were a lot more forgiving about Mark burning down their house than I would have been.  This episode worked largely due to Victor French’s heartfelt performance as Mark.  Watching him, it was impossible not to feel his pain.  In the end, the message was a good one, though I do think it would have been nice to see the drunk driver punished for his actions.

Retro Television Review: Malibu, CA 1.12 “The Big Storm”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, a mudslide changes everything …. kind of.

Episode 1.12 “The Big Storm”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on January 10th, 1999)

Stads and Jason are coming up on their big, six-month anniversary!  Stads wants to celebrate at a volleyball tournament.  Jason wants to celebrate at the “Puff Daddy” concert.  You can really tell how old this show is by the fact that 1) they’re still calling him “Puff Daddy” and 2) they’re taking seriously the idea of wanting to see him in concert.

With Stads annoyed that Jason never seems to want to do anything that she wants to do, Jason turns to Sam for advice.  Sam says that Jason should drive into Beverly Hills and buy a necklace that Stads wants.  Sam even accompanies Jason on the drive.  Awww!  What a good freind.

But then — oh no! — a storm hits.  Jason and Sam end up getting trapped in their car by a mudslide.  Trapped together, Jason and Sam share a kiss.  Its a big moment that would have been bigger if it made any sense.  Seriously, until that moment, Sam had never shown any interest in Jason whatsoever.  But now, suddenly, they’re kissing and preparing to die together.  I understand that it’s probably mudslide panic but still, it just feels as if it comes out of nowhere.

Fortunately, Jason and Sam are rescued by the lifeguards (including Stads).  Jason and Sam agree not to tell Stads about the kiss.  Jason also gives Stads the necklace (Awwww!  It’s a nice necklace!) and then suggests that, instead of seeing Puff Daddy, they just have a romantic dinner.  Stads agrees.

Unfortunately, at dinner, Stads says that she knows what happened in the car.  Jason says the kiss didn’t mean anything, just to discover that Stads was just referring to Jason and Sam talking in general.  Stads gives Jason back his necklace and then dumps him.  Good for Stads, she deserves better!

This is one of those storylines that would have worked better if I actually cared about any of the characters on the show but, for the most part, everyone is so shallow that it’s hard to really get worked up when they get trapped in a mudslide.  As well, it would have helped if Sam had ever previously shown any interest in Jason.  As well, while Jason did have a crush on Sam when the show began, that didn’t seem to last long.  Two people who produce absolutely no romantic sparks shared a kiss.  It didn’t really do much for me.

As often happens with this show, the B-plots were better than the main plot, largely because Brandon Brooks and Priscilla Inga Taylor were both willing to full embrace the absurdity of their characters.  After Peter told Murray to stop talking so much, Murray resorted to typing his words out on his laptop and having a computerized voice repeat them.  That made me laugh.  Meanwhile, Tracy — who is now dating Kip, the dumb lifeguard from the previous episode — explored her artistic side by getting a camera and taking pictures of a shirtless Scott wearing an Abraham Lincoln beard.  It was weird enough to be funny.

Anyway, Stads has escaped Jason …. for now.  Run, Stads, run!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 2.16 “Perchance to Dream”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

This week, it’s all about dreams!

Episode 2.16 “Perchance to Dream”

(Dir by Paul Boyington, originally aired on February 4th, 1990)

Alex (Raphael Sbarge) is a college student whose dorm room has become one wild place.  Blood continually drips from a chair.  A subway train occasionally roars past the window.  A giant nun peeks in on him and tries to swat him with a ruler.  These are all images that Alex used to see in his dreams but now, they’re entering his waking world and what’s really strange is that everyone else can see them too.  His subconscious has become reality.

Thinking that it might have something to do with a recent mugging in which Alex struck his head and apparently lost the ability to sleep, Alex’s girlfriend, Megan (Sarah Buxton), asks Kyle (Kenneth Danziger), an expert on dreams, for help.  Arriving at Alex’s dorm room just in time to save Alex from the nun and her ruler, Kyle theorizes that, because Alex isn’t sleeping, he’s projecting his dreams into the real world.  The only solution is for Alex and Megan to enter a portal that leads them straight into Alex’s subconscious.  If Alex can find his dream self, he can finally get some rest.  Of course, Alex and Megan will have to avoid and defeat a series of trains, muggers, and nuns to accomplish their task.

This episode is entertainingly goofy.  It was obviously inspired by the popularity of the Nightmare on Elm Street films but the monster here is not a wisecracking killer like Freddy Krueger but instead, it’s just Alex’s bad childhood memories and the trauma of having been mugged.  As I watched this episode, I was impressed that Monsters tried to do something different than usual but I was also very aware that 20 minutes was not enough time to tell the story that this episode wanted to tell.  For this episode to really work, the viewer would have to feel a deep connection to Alex.  Raphael Sbarge gives a likable performance as Alex and he has a really cute chemistry with Sarah Buxton but 20 minutes still isn’t enough time to really get to know the guy.

When seen today, the special effects are undeniably primitive but there’s something kind of charming about that.  The scene where the giant nun tries to swat Alex with a ruler looks silly today and I imagine it probably looked silly in 1990 as well but it’s a fun kind of silly.  The same can be said of the scene where Alex and Megan plunge into his subconscious.  CGI has come a long way but today’s realistic CGI just doesn’t have the do-it-yourself charm of early chroma keying and matte shots.  I liked that Alex’s subconscious was not only goofy but cheap as well.