Retro Television Reviews: The Last Angry Man (dir by Jerrold Freedman)

Posted on December 10, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1974’s The Last Angry Man! It can be viewed on YouTube.

During the Great Depression, Dr. Sam Abelman (Pat Hingle) is a doctor who works in the slums of Brooklyn. Dr. Abelman can be gruff. Dr. Abelman can be crotchety. Dr. Abelman can be, as the title suggests, a little bit angry. He can’t help but get annoyed at how difficult it is to get his patients to pay him. He gets easily annoyed with red tape and bureaucracy. Dr. Abelman is an angry man. In his eyes, he’s the last angry man.

But that doesn’t mean that Dr. Abelman doesn’t care about his patients or the community in which he lives. Underneath his gruff exterior, Dr. Abelman is truly a man who wants to make the world a better place. Sam Abelman is especially angry at the doctors who have abandoned the neighborhood that once supported them and who now work at hospitals that have little room for the poor.

The film focuses on Dr. Abelman’s attempts to help Frankie Parelli (Michael Margotta), a troubled teenager who has a reputation for being a bully and a petty criminal. When Frankie starts to suffer from frequent seizures, Dr. Abelman comes to be convinced that Frankie is suffering from a brain tumor. Dr. Abelman wants to get Frankie seen by a specialist and a surgeon but it’s difficult because of Frankie’s own bad reputation and also the fact that Frankie’s family doesn’t have much money. Dr. Abelman uses a combination of shaming and outrage to finally get Frankie examined. But, when it become apparent that Frankie is going to need an operation, is Dr. Abelman going to be able to get him under the knife?

The Last Angry Man was loosely based on a novel by Gerald Green. The novel was previously adapted into a 1959 film, which starred the great actor Paul Muni in his final role. (Muni received an Oscar nomination for his performance.) If the novel and the 1959 film emphasized the grittiness of the neighborhood in which Dr. Abelman worked, the 1974 made-for-TV version takes place in a remarkably clean version of Brooklyn. It’s a very pleasant slum. There’s no trash to be seen. The apartment buildings and the streets have the crisp look that only comes from shooting on a studio backlot. Everyone in the neighborhood is remarkably friendly. Even Frankie is a rather mild-mannered delinquent. Dr. Abelman may be angry but everyone’s so nice that it sometimes seems like he’s going a little bit overboard.

The Last Angry Man was clearly meant to be a pilot for a television series and, as such, the movie’s action doesn’t really seem to build up to any sort of grand climax. Instead, the film is more about introducing Dr. Abelman and all the quirky people in the neighborhood. Pat Hingle was a good actor but, as Dr. Abelman, he’s all bluster with little depth. It’s hard not to feel that both the film and the potential show would have been well-served by having Pat Hingle and Sorrell Brooke (who plays Abelman’s best friend, Dr. Vogel) switch roles. When Sorrell Brooke gets annoyed and angry in this film, you have no doubt that the feeling is genuine.

Unfortunately, The Last Angry Man just isn’t angry enough.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Check It Out 1.10 “Car Pool”

Posted on December 9, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, everybody wants something they’ll never give up.

Episode 1.10 “Car Pool”

(Dir by John Bell, originally aired on December 4th, 1985)

One rainy morning, Howard comes to work, just to discover that his assistant manager, Jack Christian, has parked his new BMW in Howard’s space. As Jack explains it, there wasn’t any other place to park in the small lot. The other employees all mention that all of their parking space were also taken by customers. Howard tells his employees that he’s going to call Mrs. Cobb and tell her that they need a bigger parking lot.

That conversation does not go well. As Howard explains afterwards, negotiations with Mrs. Cobb always involve “give and take.” In this case, Mrs. Cobb gave Howard his job back after initially firing him and she even agreed to let him keep his parking space. And then Mrs. Cobb took away everyone else’s parking space.

Needless to say, no one is happy about this. (Considering that we already had a whole episode about Marlene organizing a union at the store, it’s a little surprising they don’t all stage a walk out in protest.) However, Christian has a solution. He organizes a car pool. He agrees to pick everyone up in his van and drive them to work. He’ll only charge each of them $5 for the trip to the store and then $8 for the trip home. (“The drive home is mostly uphill,” Christian explains.) After everyone agrees, Christian then swindles Howard out of an additional $40 to cover expenses.

Unfortunately, the van has faulty brakes and Christian ends up slamming into the back of someone else’s car while driving everyone to work. As a result, everyone ends up in the hospital and Christian ends up getting sued by the woman who was driving the car that he hit. He agrees to settle for $15,000, which he raises by selling his BMW to Howard.

However, no sooner has new luxury car owner Howard started wearing aviator shades and a scarf then a cop (played by Don Lake) shows up and inform Christian that the old woman he hit was actually a con artist and has been arrested. The cop hands Christian back his money and Howard gives Christian back his BMW. Then the cop mentions that the old woman tried to flee from police and crashed into a BMW, which causes Christian to faint. The cop, however, is more concerned with talking to his bookie on the phone than with checking to see if Christian is still alive.

I haven’t even mentioned the scene where Edna explains that she doesn’t care about employee parking because she just parks illegally in the street. When Howard asks her about the parking tickets that she gets, Edna says that she just tears them in half and tosses them in a nearby garbage can. Way to go, Edna! Of course, when the cop first shows up, there’s an extended sequence of Howard claiming that Edna is actually named Doris and that the Edna that the cop is looking for has gone on vacation to Cuba.

There was a lot going on in this weird but funny episode. In this episode, the show acknowledges that, while dumb people can be funny, dumb people who think they’re smart are even funnier. Everyone in this episode thought they were more clever than they actually were. Howard thought he could talk Mrs. Cobb into expanding the parking lot. Christian thought he could swindle the other employees (and it turned out that actually he could, even if his own natural bad luck ultimately thwarted him). Con artist Ruby Wexler thought she could swindle Christian (and she nearly succeeded). In the end, only Edna actually got away with anything, with the cop explaining that Edna had accidentally been issued diplomatic plates and was therefore not subject to traffic laws. This episode definitely made me laugh more than any other episode of this show that I’ve watched so far. Check that out.

Retro Television Reviews: Welcome Back, Kotter 3.1 “Sweathog Back To School Special”

Posted on December 9, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, season 3 begins!

Episode 3.1 “Sweathog Back to School Special”

(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on September 10th, 1977)

A new school year approaches and the Sweathogs have decided to throw a surprise party for their favorite teacher! Julie and Woodman (who makes it a point to say that he was against the party) lead Gabe to his classroom and surprise! The Sweathogs even spent $5.75 to get Gabe a new watch.

Gabe and the Sweathogs talk about everything that they’ve been through over the past year and….

Yep, it’s a clip show.

Usually, I skip over clip shows but I did watch this one, just because the first season and the first half of the second season of Welcome Back, Kotter were both pretty good. Unfortunately, the first half of this clip show was more devoted to catch phrases than sharing classic scenes. As such, we got a lot of clips of Horshack laughing, Freddie saying “Hi there,” Epstein handing over notes, and Barbarino dancing. It allowed all four of the main Sweathogs to show off their trademarks but it also made the overall series seem even more gimmicky than it was.

It was only during the second half of the episode that the show offered up some clips from the first season in which Gabe helped each Sweathog find their confidence. Gabe encouraged Barbarino to get tutoring. He played a game of basketball with Freddie and, even though Gabe lost big time, Freddie still agreed to take a makeup exam. Gabe told Epstein that he knew there was a sensitive soul underneath Epstein’s fierce exterior. And Gabe listened as Horshack talked about the reality of being the class weirdo. I was glad these clips were included because they served as a reminder that the show started out as an earnest series about a teacher trying to help kids who had been written off by the system. John Travolta, Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs, Robert Hegyes, and Ron Palillo all showed, in those early episodes, that they were capable of more than just delivering jokey one-liners.

The best part of the episode was when Gabe said, “Remember that time I nearly got fired?” and Woodman replied, “That was a wonderful day.” John Sylvester White could do a lot with a one-liner and one of the pleasures of the show was discovering just how truly out there Woodman could be.

As for Julie, she remembered the time the Sweathogs destroyed the apartment while trying to clean it. She still didn’t appear to have forgiven the Sweathogs but that could just be because, as always, Marcia Strassman came across as if she would rather be doing anything other than co-starring on Welcome Back, Kotter.

Once all the clips have been shown, Gabe asks everyone if he’s ever told them about his Uncle Morris, bringing the party (and the episode) to an abrupt end as everyone flees the classroom.

Next week, Julie gives birth and Barbarino drops out of school!

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Friday the 13th: The Series 1.10 “Tales of the Undead”

Posted on December 8, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!

This week, Ryan learns why you never meet your heroes.

Episode 1.10 “Tales of the Undead”

(Dir by Lyndon Chubbock, originally aired on January 25th, 1988)

Comic book fan Ryan is shocked when he witnesses the murder of the owner of his favorite comic book store. He’s even more shocked by the fact that the murderer appeared to a legendary comic book character, a robot who was created and drawn by an artist named Jay Star.

Micki is skeptical when Ryan tells her that he thinks one of his favorite comic book characters has come to life. Despite having dealt with a cursed doll and quill that could kill someone just by being used to write that person’s name, Micki draws the line at living comic book characters. However, Ryan does some research and discovers that a cursed comic book was indeed purchased from the store.

Seriously, think about this. Ryan not only witnesses a murder but the murder is committed by his favorite comic book character and then he discovers that it’s all linked to the cursed antique store where Ryan just happens to work. That’s an amazing coincidence! Jack would probably be concerned about how all of that came to happen but, oddly enough, Jack is not in this episode.

Instead, it falls to Ryan and Micki to track down the comic book. This leads them to the man who created the robot, Jay Star (played by special guest star Ray Waltson). Jay Star created the robot in the 40s and became a hero to comic book readers everywhere but he feels that he wasn’t properly compensated for his services. (This is something that happens far too often to real comic book artists as well. Some people have definitely gotten a lot of money as a result of all the Marvel films but the families of Jack Kirby and Steve Ditko have not.) The comic book company kept the rights to his character and they refused to publish the issue in which Jay killed him off. The company is still making money off of Jay’s work while Jay lives in obscurity as a recluse. At the start of the episode, Jay Star does not own the cursed comic book. However, he does manage to track it down and steal it from its current owner, Cal (David Hewlett). Soon, Jay is transforming into the killer robot and seeking revenge on everyone who he feels has betrayed him.

This was one of the stronger episodes of Friday the 13th. What really set this episode apart from some of the ones that came before and after was that Ryan had a personal stake in recovering the cursed item. As he explains it to Micki, comic books were the one constant he had during his dysfunctional childhood. He grew up admiring artists like Jay Star and dreaming of being one of them and of being a hero who could solve all of the world’s problems. In this episode, Ryan discovers that his hero is a murderer and John D. LeMay does a very good job of playing Ryan’s disillusionment. The episode ends on a rather sweet note, with Micki encouraging Ryan to remember Jay Star for his talent and not for his crimes.

The episode is also distinguished by Ray Waltson’s empathetic performance as Jay Star, a villain for whom you can’t help but have some sympathy. When Jay transforms into the killer robot, the episode itself switches to comic book-style animation, which is one of those gimmicks that works far better than one might expect. Even the robot was about as scary as a monster on a low-budget show like this could possibly be!

This was a good episode. I hope Ryan never stopped drawing.

Retro Television Reviews: T and T 2.8 “Every Picture….”

Posted on December 8, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on Tubi!

This week, T.S. and Amy battle the Canadian Mafia!

Episode 2.8 “Every Picture….”

(Dir by Don McCutcheon, originally aired on November 21st, 1988)

This episode of T and T continues to insist that the show is taking place in a place called Metro County. It even features a newspaper called the Metro County Eagle and suburb of Metro County that is called Ridley. As well, it appears that all of the cars in Metro County have American-style license plates.

Listen, T and T, you’re not fooling anyone.

We can all see the snow on the ground.

We can all see the frozen breath whenever a scene takes place outside.

We have all noticed how polite all the extras are.

We can all see the hockey hair and the denim jackets.

Even more importantly, we can all hear the accent whenever anyone apologizes or asks, “What’s this all aboot?”

Everyone knows that T and T totally takes place in Toronto! Obviously, a lot of a Canadian shows deliberately tried to leave their setting ambiguous so that they could appeal to viewers in the United States. Interestingly enough, the most successful syndicated Canadian show in the United States was Degrassi, which was always proudly and forthrightly Canadian.

As for today’s episode, it opens with a waitress named Kathy (Jacqueline Samuda) fleeing from a diner after she happens to see her picture in the newspaper. It turns out that a lot of people have noticed that picture. One of them is a burly mob hitman (Paul Coeur) who calls the paper and demands to know who took the picture. When the editor refuses to name names, the hitman breaks into the office to search for the name himself.

Because Amy is friendly (and maybe more!) with the editor, she volunteers T.S. to investigate the photograph. T.S. and Amy track down the photographer, a nerdy teenage prodigy named Lenny (Robert Haiat). After talking to Lenny, they track down the diner where Kathy worked and eventually, they break into Kathy’s apartment. Kathy isn’t there.

“She either left in a hurry or she’s a bad housekeeper,” T.S. growls.

Meanwhile, the hitman kidnaps Lenny and demands that he take him to the diner where the picture was taken. When Lenny’s father tells T.S. that the abduction is all his fault, T.S. says, “I’m going to make this right!”

Kathy, it turns out, is actually named Maria. Because she testified against her mob boss brother, she’s in the Canadian witness protection program. Lenny kind of ruined all that by taking her picture. Now, she’s hiding out in a church but, after the hitman catches a priest entering Kathy’s apartment, he’s able to track her down. This hitman is so evil that he’s prepared to shoot Kathy in the head in the middle of a church! Luckily, T.S. shows up just in time.

“HEY, FOOL!” T.S. shouts before beating the crap out of the hitman.

There’s a simplicity to T and T that you really have to admire. For all the talk of T.S. being a detective and an advocate of peace and understanding, he solves most of his problems by either punching someone out or throwing them through a window. This show reminds us that the simple solution is sometimes the best.

Anyway, you know what? This was a really good episode. The mystery was intriguing. The show generated actual suspense over who would find Kathy first. The scene in the church was nicely atmospheric. Even the sentimental ending, with Kathy giving T.S. a crucifix to thank him for saving her life, felt totally earned. Way to go, Toronto!

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Highway to Heaven 1.11 “Dust Child”

Posted on December 7, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

This week, Jonathan offers up some clues about his past.

Episode 1.11 “Dust Child”

(Dir by Victor French, originally aired on November 28th, 1984)

Mark and Jonathan’s latest mission finds them in a small California town. It seems like a nice and welcoming community …. or, at least, it does if you’re an American. If you are one of the many refugees from Vietnam who have recently settled in the town, it’s a far less welcoming place.

When Mark goes into a gas station, he witnesses the owner refusing to give change to two Vietnamese kids. When Mark demands to know why, he’s told that the refugees are coming over and stealing everyone’s jobs.

“It’s a sickness worse than the plague,” Jonathan later says, “But the cure is in every one of us …. love!” And that may sound a bit simplistic but Michael Landon delivers the line with such conviction that he totally makes it work.

Working as house painters, Jonathan and Mark get a job remodeling the home of Richard Gaines (James Whitmore, Jr.), a Vietnam vet who has just discovered that, as the result of a wartime romance, he has a daughter named Nguyen (Denice Kumagai). 15 year-old Nguyen comes over to America to live with Richard and his wife (Jenny Sullivan) and his teenage son, Brad Gaines (Billy Jacoby). From the minute she arrives in the town, Nguyen finds herself facing prejudice. The other kids at school taunt her with derogatory slurs. Brad resents both the attention that Nguyen gets and the fact that his best friend, Larry (K.C. Martel), now refuses to talk to Brad because Larry’s father was killed while serving in Vietnam.

Eventually, Jonathan introduces himself to Larry and we discover a little bit about who Jonathan was before he became an angel. Jonathan says that he served in Vietnam with Larry’s father and he goes on to explain that Larry’s father died while protecting a group of South Vietnamese orphans from the Viet Cong. As Jonathan explains it, Larry’s father viewed the orphans as his own children. That’s all it takes for both Larry and Brad to see the errors of their ways and to welcome Nguyen into the neighborhood.

(Is Jonathan telling the truth about serving in Vietnam with Larry’s father? Jonathan’s an angel so I assume that he is. That, of course, means that this episode’s mission was not to help Nguyen feel at home in America but instead to help Larry overcome his own prejudice.)

As Jonathan and Mark prepare to leave for their next assignment, two kids on bicycles ride by and shout a slur at Nguyen. They immediately fall of their bicycles and, when they try to get back on, they fall off yet again. Mark laughs and says that God probably won’t object to Jonathan making that happen. Of course, if Mark read about what happened to the Canaanites, he would know those two kids got off easy.

Especially when compared to last week’s odd episode, this was an admirably straight-forward episode. There weren’t any great surprises to how the story unfolded but the story was told with such obvious sincerity that it worked. It can be easy to laugh at this show’s lack of subtlety but, in an episode like this, the lack of subtlety worked to the show’s advantage. Personally, I’ve gotten so used to snarky entertainment that it can be a bit of a pleasant surprise to watch something like this that is totally earnest and well-intentioned. This was a heartfelt episode and, in its old-fashioned way, it still holds up today.

Retro Television Reviews: Jennifer Slept Here 1.10 “Do You Take This Ghost?”

Posted on December 7, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Jennifer Slept Here, which aired on NBC in 1983 and 1984. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Jennifer wants to get married!

Episode 1.10 “Do You Take This Ghost?”

(Dir by Alan Myerson, originally aired on April 21st, 1984)

George is super-excited because Susan and his anniversary is coming up. (Awwwww! George is being sweet and romantic. That kind of goes against everything that has been previously established about his character but whatever. Let’s go with it.) George says that he and Susan are going to celebrate by renewing their vows. He’s even called the minister who performed their wedding to come do it again. The ceremony will be held in the house because another set would cost money.

Hearing all of this, Jennifer starts to feel sad that she never had a traditional marriage when she was alive. Fortunately, her ex-boyfriend, film star Doug Chadwick (Warwick Sims), has just died. His ghost materializes in the house and soon, he and Jennifer are a couple again. Jennifer and Doug decide to get married at the same time that George and Susan are going to renew their vows. Joey can act as the best man for both ceremonies!

Can you see where this is heading?

Joey discovers that, even as a ghost, Doug Chadwick has issues with staying faithful. While Jennifer plans out her wedding, Doug is sleeping with other ghosts. He even loses the wedding ring while carousing in a hot tub. (Ghosts in a hot tub? I mean, I guess that could happen….) At the ceremony, Joey tells Jennifer that she can do better than Doug. Of course, since George and Susan are renewing their vows, they think that Joey is talking about them. They assure Joey that they love each other. Joey tells them that he knows they love each other because his father is not the type who would ever cheat on the woman that he loves or lose his wedding ring in a hot tub. Jennifer takes Joey’s words to heart and calls off her ghost wedding.

This was an okay episode. If I don’t sound too enthusiastic, it’s because I’m a bit exhausted with how every joke is basically Joey saying something to someone no one else can see and everyone responding by rolling their eyes. I mean, after ten episodes of thinking that their son has been having loud arguments with himself, you have to wonder why his parents aren’t trying to do more to discover what the problem is.

My main issue with this episode is that, with all the good men who have died through history, why would Jennifer settle for a guy who, by her own admission, didn’t really treat her that well when they were alive? I mean, Jennifer could marry James Buchanan or maybe Martin Van Buren. Don’t settle, Jennifer! Of course, that’s kind of the same thing that Joey told her so I guess I have to give him some credit for that. As always, Ann Jillian was great as Jennifer and John P. Navin, Jr. did his best with Joey (who is a rather inconsistently written character) but this episode just never worked as well as it could have. The idea of Jennifer having a ghost wedding had potential but this episode just kind of fell flat.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Monsters 1.10 “Pillow Talk”

Posted on December 6, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire show is streaming on Tubi.

Tonight, a bed demands to be fed.

Episode 1.10 “Pillow Talk”

(Dir by David Odell, originally aired on December 24th, 1988)

Miles Magnus (John Diehl) is one of the most successful horror authors in the world, writing best seller after best seller. All of his books seem to involve a “master” who forces other people to do something terrible. This episode opens with Miles bringing home his date, Barbara (Ruth de Sosa), and immediately taking her to his bedroom.

Barbara is impressed, especially with the fact that Miles keeps all of his books in his bedroom. Miles is more interested in pointing out his rather large bed. Miles tells her that, like Marcel Proust, he does all of his writing in bed. Barbara’s reaction indicates that she’s not sure exactly who Marcel Proust is. Despite the fact that Miles is kind of awkward and geeky, it’s not long before Barbara has stripped down to her underwear, rolled around on the bed, and invited Miles to join her.

Then the bed eats her.

Seriously. The mattress opens up like a mouth and two rather phallic tentacles wrap around Barbara and pull her into the gaping hole. All that’s left behind are her high heels because, apparently, the bed does not like shoes.

It turns out that Miles has been using the old trick of writing about what you know. Miles does have a master and it’s his bed. Of course, the bed itself is possessed by a creature that Miles describes as being the last of “the Great Old Ones.” So, Miles’s bed is possessed by Cthulhu?

The next night, Miles brings home another woman. Vicki (Mary Woronov) is a writer herself. She writes romance novels and she tells Miles that she feels as if they are kindred spirits because her novels also often feature a master/servant relationship. Miles tries to maneuver Vicki over to the bed but, instead, Vicki finds Miles’s diary and leaves with it.

Vicki later calls Miles and tells him that she hasn’t been able to put down his diary, which she apparently believes to be a rough draft of his newest novel. She invites him over to her apartment so they can discuss it. Mostly wanting to get back his diary so his secrets are not revealed, Miles goes over to Vicki’s place. Vicki says that she thinks they should collaborate on a new novel and more. After checking to make sure that Vicki’s bed is not alive, Miles agrees.

Ha! The joke’s on Miles. Vicki’s bed may not eat people but her refrigerator does! When Miles gets a beer, he’s dragged into the refrigerator by a familiar set of tentacles and only his shoes are left behind. Cthulhu really does not like footwear!

This was an enjoyable piece of Lovecraftian-style whimsy, with John Diehl giving an effectively jittery performance and Mary Woronov stealing the entire episode with her more cool and icy turn as the femme fatale, Vicki. Just as being confined to bed gave Proust the time to perfect his talent, having to feed his bed has made Miles into both a successful author and a mental wreck. More than just being a show about a bed that eats people, this is also a story about the isolation of being an artist. In order to keep his talent and inspiration from fading, Miles has to literally destroy every human relationship that he has. He can blame it on Cthulhu all the he wants but, in the end, Miles is the one who made his bed and must now sleep in it.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 3.20 “Rent a Romeo/Matchmaker, Matchmaker/Y’ Gotta Have Heart”

Posted on December 6, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, the Pacific Princess continues to be a lawsuit waiting to happen.

Episode 3.20 “Rent a Romeo/Matchmaker, Matchmaker/Y’ Gotta Have Heart”

(Dir by Roger Duchowny, originally aired on January 26th, 1980)

It’s time for another cruise on the Love Boat and once again, Doc Bricker is trying to get laid.

As I’ve often said in the past, The Pacific Princess really was a floating HR nightmare and that’s especially clear in any episode that opens with Doc bragging about how his latest girlfriend is about to board the ship. This time, Doc is excited because he’s going to be joined by Sherry Holtham (Misty Rowe), who apparently took an acting class with Doc. Imagine Doc’s surprise when Sherry boards the ship with her sister, the insecure and recently dumped Carol (Vicki Lawrence)!

Doc desperately wants some alone time with Sherry but, in order for that to happen, he’s going to have to find someone to show Carol a good time. Gopher turns Doc down. The Captain turns Doc down. Fortunately, however, there is a legendary swinger on the boat. Rod Baylor (football star Joe Namath) is on the boat and he’s always looking for a good time! Gopher lies and tells Rod that Carol is notorious for being wild. Rod takes a shot….

….and gets turned down because he came on too strong. Gopher suggests that Rod open up to her about his insecurities. Rod doesn’t have any insecurities but he lies to Carol and tells her that he’s actually very shy and reserved. Carol is sympathetic and gives Rod her therapist’s card.

I guess the important thing here is that Sherry and Doc got to spend some time together. They even get to wear matching red kimonos! At the end of the cruise, Doc says a cheerful goodbye to Sherry but Rod is stuck with Carol and he looks absolutely miserable about it so …. wow, that was kind of a mean-spirited story, to be honest.

Speaking of sex, Sarah Conkle (Brett Somers) refuses to have sex with her husband, Harvey (Phil Harris), because she’s worried he’ll have another heart attack and die. In fact, she spends almost the entire cruise telling Harvey not to do anything because she doesn’t think he’s healthy enough. Finally, Harvey takes two bottle of champagne down to the cabin and he and Sarah not only have sex (off-screen, of course) but Harvey lives! Sarah is so impressed that she lets Harvey carry their suitcases off the boat. I’m going to guess that Harvey probably died a few days later.

Finally, young Jimmy Hopkins (Mark James) boards the ship with his amicably divorced parents, Evelyn (Ja’net DuBois) and Andrew (Cleavon Little). Jimmy hopes that he can bring his parents back together (awwww!) and Vicki decides to help Jimmy come up with a plan. That plan is to basically lie to every single man on the ship about Evelyn being married to a scary football player so that they’ll all stay away from her. Jimmy also helps out by telling one of Evelyn’s suitors that he can’t wait for him to be his new stepfather. (That guy is never seen again.) Eventually, Evelyn and Andrew tell Jimmy that, though their marriage didn’t work, they will always love each other and that they will always be a part of his life. Awwwww!

This was a mixed bag of an episode. The storyline about Jimmy and his parents was sweet (even if it did involve a lot of lying) and featured good performances from DuBois and Little. The storyline about the old couple was, if you’ll forgive the expression, dead in the water. As for the Namath/Lawrence/Rowe storyline, it was pretty silly. To be honest, any story that features Doc successfully seducing someone while wearing his red kimono is pretty silly. Vicki Lawrence’s character didn’t go to do much, other than cry and complain. Joe Namath, while hardly an actor of great range, had a goofy likability to him. This episode was a breezy way to pass the time, even if it’s not one of the more memorable episodes of the series.

Last Night Retro Television Reviews: Baywatch Nights 1.4 “Deadly Vision”

Posted on December 5, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, an detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997. The entire show is currently streaming on Youtube!

Tonight, Mitch reveals a new talent!

Episode 1.4 “Deadly Vision”

(Dir by Paul Lynch, originally aired on October 21st, 1995)

The highlight of this week’s episode is an extended sequence in which Mitch (David Hasselhoff) goes undercover. He’s trying to protect his friend Destiny (Lisa Stahl) from a serial killer. Because Destiny spends her days doing Tarot card readings in Malibu, Mitch decides that the best way to keep an eye on her is to dress up like a mime and perform for the crowds.

The crowds love Mitch, which leads me to wonder if maybe Mitch has some sort of previous mime experience. I mean, either Mitch has had some professional training or pretending to be in a box is the easiest thing in the world to master because Mitch pulls it off like a pro.

At one point, Mitch poses with a cardboard cut-out of Bill Clinton.

Mitch does quite a bit as a mime. He gets locked in an invisible box. He juggles invisible balls. He sings a silent song. He even chases down and catches a thief. What Mitch does not do is catch the serial killer. The serial killer, who is probably not a fan of mimes, does not show up. In fact, one could argue that Mitch doesn’t really accomplish any thing of particular importance while pretending to be a mime but the whole sequence pretty much epitomizes everything that makes Baywatch Nights so much fun. David Hasselhoff as a mime? It makes no sense but it’s fun! A random cardboard cut-out of Bill Clinton? It makes no sense but it’s fun! Baywatch Nights is a fun show, precisely because it is so shamelessly silly.

Of course, Destiny is not having as much fun as Mitch is. Destiny is continually having vision of people with whom she is casually acquainted being murdered. Mitch and Garner (Gregory Alan Williams) have no problem believing that Destiny is having visions of the killer attacking people. Ryan (Angie Harmon) is a bit more skeptical and I was happy about that, just because I’m also pretty skeptical about people who say that they can see the future. It’s nice to have a character to whom I can relate on this show. Mitch, Ryan and Garner think that the killer might be a con artist and a gigolo who they’re already investigating. However, the show reveals early on that Destiny is being stalked by a crazed painter named Burt (Carl Weintraub). Burt is obsessed with Destiny and he doesn’t like it when Destiny talks to other people, whether she’s telling their fortune or helping them investigate a crime.

In the end, the killer is thwarted and Destiny’s life is saved. Hopefully, Mitch will continue to pursue his career as a mime because he’s got the talent! I mean, you can’t lifeguard forever, right?