Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 4.13 “The Man From Yesterday/World’s Most Desirable Woman”

Posted on February 13, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. Almost the entire show is currently streaming on Daily Motion.

This week, the Island is full of damn liars.

Episode 4.13 “The Man From Yesterday/World’s Most Desirable Woman”

(Dir by Robert C. Thompson, originally aired on January 31st, 1981)

Bill Keating (Martin Milner) is a photojournalist who has reported from some of the most war-torn areas of the world. He has spent years searching for a notorious mercenary named Calvin Doyle (Dennis Cole) and he believes that he has finally tracked Doyle down to Fantasy Island. Bill swears to Mr. Roarke that his fantasy is to only do an interview with Doyle.

Of course, Bill’s lying. Once Bill tracks down Doyle and discovers that Doyle has not only renounced his previous ways but is also the foster father of three native children, Bill reveals that his true fantasy is to shoot Doyle and get revenge for all the terrible things that Doyle did during his former life.

Marsha (Barbi Benton) is a frumpy, 39 year-old woman who says that she just wants to know what it’s like to be young and beautiful for a weekend. Maybe she could even enter and win The World’s Most Desirable Woman pageant that’s being held on Fantasy Island. Mr. Roarke and Tattoo take Marsha to the Island’s fountain of youth. Marsha enters the fountain as a 39 year-old wearing a modest one-piece bathing suit. She steps out of the fountain as a 21 year-old wearing a bikini.

Of course, Marsha isn’t being totally honest about her motives. She is married to Hal Garnett (Bert Convy), the owner of Erotic Magazine and the sponsor of the pageant! Her fantasy is to get revenge on Hal for all the years in which he’s neglected her for the younger women who appear in his magazine.

Two fantasies, two liars. Mr. Roarke is fairly busy this week, showing up frequently in both fantasies (and even singing at the Most Desirable Woman pageant). Mr. Roarke warns Marsha that she is getting too caught up in her newdound beauty. Mr. Roarke also warns Calvin that Bill Keating wants to kill him. Roarke allows Keating to take his shot at Calvin but he also arranges for the confrontation to happen on a rickety bridge so that the wounded Calvin can escape into the water below. It’s interesting to see Roarke getting involved for once and Ricardo Montalban knew exactly how to deliver the character’s occasionally ominous lines. Still, you have to wonder why he let these two liars on the Island on the first place. Usually, he has pretty firm rules about stuff like this. What if the bridge hadn’t broken and Doyle had died? Mr. Roarke would look pretty dumb.

Fortunately, it all works out. Having faked his own death, Doyle is able to leave the Island with his children. And Marsha is informed that she will not go back to being 39 at the end of the weekend but will instead remain 21 and just age naturally. Hal freaks out, realizing that men are going to be chasing his wife. Roarke tells him that he better be good to her.

(Of course, Tattoo later takes a picture of Marsha and is shocked to see that picture is of the old Marsha, suggesting that the young Marsha is just an illusion that only Marsha, Hal, and I guess Tattoo can see. It’s weird.)

Barbi Benton and Dennis Cole were regular guests to Fantasy Island and they both do well with their roles. All of the lying felt a bit out-of-place for this show but at least Roarke got to be an active force in both fantasies. All in all, this was a good trip to the Island.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: CHiPs 1.14 “Rustling”

Posted on February 12, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983. The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!

This week, CHiPs makes me cry!

Episode 1.14 “Rustling”

(Dir by Phil Bondelli, originally aired on January 12th, 1978)

This week’s episode of CHiPs featured a scene that brought tears to my mismatched eyes.

A drunk driver (played by G.W. Bailey) swerves across the highway and causes another car to flip over. While Ponch chases after the driver, Baker goes to investigate the crash. He discovers that the car’s driver is a 17 year-old girl named Susie (Pamelyn Ferdin) and she has been pinned under the wreckage. He manages to free her and carry her away from the car before it explodes. YAY! Another life saved by Jon Baker, right?

That’s when Susie says that she can’t feel her legs.

That scene got to me. It was far more well-acted than anything that I think one would normally expect to find on a episode of CHiPs, with both Ferdin and Larry Wilcox bringing a lot of emotional sincerity to their roles. Susie realizes that she may never walk again. Baker realizes that, just because he saved her from the car, he can’t save Susie from the other consequences of the accident. I wanted to cry. Actually, I did cry.

Now, I should admit that I’m recovering from a sprained ankle and I was doing my ankle exercises while watching this scene. So, not only did I already have tears in my eyes (seriously, some of those exercises hurt!) but I was also feeling pretty emotional. But still, even if I was just watching this scene while sitting on a couch, I think it would have had the same effect on me.

Of course, for the record, Ponch does capture the drunk driver (and the driver starts to sob when he realizes what he has done). And, by the end of the episode, Baker is informed that Susie is going to be okay. I was happy about that.

Excuse me, I’m starting to cry again….

Okay, believe it or not, that was only a small part of the episode. The main storyline featured the great L.Q. Jones as a cattle rustler who, when he’s not driving his truck full of stolen cattle, rides a motorcycle. Fortunately, after a lengthy chase, Baker and Ponch are able to capture him and his accomplice (Paul Tuerpe). It was a pretty simple story but, at the same time, L.Q. Jones was one of those brilliant character actors who make even the most mundane of characters interesting.

Also, over the course of the episode, Ponch and Baker deal with an irate driver (Mill Watson) who claims that he was only speeding because his gear shift failed. In court, Ponch is able to prove that the gear shift didn’t break by pointing out that the brake lights would have come on in that case. (“Your honor,” the defense attorney says, “my client would like to change his plea to guilty.”) Ponch and Baker also stop a magician and his assistant and are so fascinated by the magician’s tricks that they nearly forget to write his assistant a ticket.

Finally, Ponch arranges for everyone to meet at Baker’s apartment to throw him a surprise birthday party. Whoops! Baker’s birthday isn’t for another three months. Ponch looked at Baker’s personnel file and misread his employment number as being his birthdate. Oh, Ponch! Still, the party is a success. Getraer shows up with zucchini. The magician shows up and performs a trick that involves tossing milk on Ponch and Baker. What? Well, whatever.

What’s important is that one scene that brought tears my eyes. The rest of the episode may have been generic but that one scene was beautifully done and I’ll never forget it.

Retro Television Reviews: Miami Vice 2.1 and 2.2 “The Prodigal Son”

Posted on February 12, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, the second season with a two-hour long premiere! Crockett and Tubbs are going to New York!

Episode 2.1 and 2.2 “The Prodigal Son”

(Dir by Paul Michael Glaser, originally aired on September 27th, 1985)

The second season premiere of Miami Vice opens with a series of set pieces.

In Panama, Crockett and Tubbs visit a secret military base in the jungle and are disgusted to learn how the Panamanian military gets information about drug smugglers. Tubbs and Crockett find one horribly tortured man in a tent. Tubbs gives him a drink of water and gets what information he can from the man. Crockett and Tubbs leave the tent. A gunshot rings out as the involuntary informant is executed. When the shot rings out, both Crockett and Tubbs turn back to the tent in slow motion, stunned by the brutality of their allies in the Drug War. Indeed, it’s hard not to compare the scene to the famous photograph of a South Vietnamese general executing a communist during the Vietnam War.

The Vietnam analogy continues with the next scene. In the Everglades, Crockett, Tubbs, and the entire Vice Squad work with the DEA to ambush the Revilla cousins as they bring drugs into the U.S. Sitting in the swamp, Crockett compares the experience to Vietnam, suggesting that the war on the drugs is just as futile and as costly. And indeed, it’s hard not to notice that every drug dealer that Crockett and Tubbs has taken down over the course of this show has immediately been replaced by another. The Revillas are just another in a long line of people getting rich off of other people’s addictions.

After the bust goes down, Crockett and Tubbs arrives at a celebratory party, just to discover that almost of all of the undercover DEA agents have been murdered and Gina has been seriously wounded. There is something very haunting about this scene, with Crockett and Tubbs rushing through a penthouse and seeing a dead body in almost every room.

At a meeting in a stark office, the head DEA agent explains that his agency has been compromised and all of his undercover agents have been unmasked. Someone has to go to New York and work undercover to take down the Revillas but it can’t be any of his people. Since the Revillas are smuggling their stuff in through Miami, Miami Vice has jurisdiction. Paging Crockett and Tubbs!

Working undercover as Burnett and Cooper, Crockett and Tubbs visit a low-level drug dealer (played by Gene Simmons) who lives on a yacht and who gives them the name of a connection in New York City.

From there, Miami Vice moves to New York City, where Crockett and Tubbs meet a low-level criminal named Jimmy Borges (played by an almost impossibly young Penn Jillette) and they try to infiltrate the Revilla organization. Along the way, Tubbs meets up with Valerie (Pam Grier) and discovers that she has apparently lost herself working undercover. Meanwhile, Crockett has a brief — and kind of weird — romance with a photographer named Margaret (Susan Hess).

(“I like guns,” she says when Crockett demands to know why she stole his.)

With Crockett and Tubbs leaving Miami for New York in order to get revenge for a colleague who was wounded during an operation, The Prodigal Son almost feels like the pilot in reverse. Also, much like the pilot, the exact details of The Prodigal Son‘s story are often less important than how the story is told. This episode is full of moody shots of our heroes walking through New York while songs like You Belong To The City play on the soundtrack. (There’s also a song from Phil Collins, undoubtedly included to bring back memories of the In The Air Tonight scene from the pilot.) It’s all very entertaining to watch, even if the story itself doesn’t always make total sense. Indeed, you really do have to wonder how all of these criminals keep falling for Sonny’s undercover identity as Sonny Burnett. You would think that someone would eventually notice that anyone who buys from Sonny Burnett seems to get busted the very next day.

Stylish as the storytelling may be, this episode actually does have something on its mind. Those lines comparing the War on Drugs to the Vietnam Conflict was not just throwaways. Towards the end of the episode, Crockett and Tubbs follow a lead to the offices of J.J. Johnston (Julian Beck, the ghost preacher from Poltergeist II). The skeletal Johnston is an investor of some sort. He has no problem admitting that he’s involved in the drug trade, presumably because he knows that there’s nothing Crockett and Tubbs can do to touch him. Upon meeting the two cops, he immediately tells them exactly how much money they have in their checking accounts. He points out that they’re poor and they’re fighting a losing war whereas he’s rich and he’s making money off of a losing war. Beck gives a wonderfully smug performance as Johnston and it should be noted that, of all of the episode’s villains, he’s the only one who is not brought to any sort of justice. Val almost loses herself. Tubbs and Crockett don’t even get a thank you for their hard work. The somewhat sympathetic Jimmy Borges ends up dead while the Revillas were undoubtedly been replaced by even more viscous dealers. Meanwhile, J.J. Johnston relaxes in his office and counts his money. This is the No Country For Old Men of Miami Vice episodes.

This episode is also full of familiar faces. Charles S. Dutton, Kevin Anderson, Anthony Heald, Miguel Pinero, James Russo, Bill Smtirovich, Zoe Tamerlis, Paul Calderon, and Louis Guzman, they all show up in small roles and add to show’s rather surreal atmosphere. This is Miami Vice at its most dream-like, full of people you think you might know despite the fact that they’re doing things of which you don’t want to be a part.

As for the title, The Prodigal Son is Tubbs and he is tempted to stay in New York City. But, in the end, he joins Crockett on that flight back to Miami. It’s his home.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi Junior High 2.6 “Fight!”

Posted on February 11, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi Junior High, which aired on CBC and PBS from 1987 to 1989! The series can be streamed on YouTube!

This week, we meet Dwayne Myers!

Episode 2.6 “Fight!”

(Dir by Mike Douglas, originally aired on February 8th, 1988)

After appearing in the background over the past few episodes, Dwayne Myers (Darrin Brown) takes center stage in this episode.

At first glance, Dwayne is the school bully. He’s bigger than everyone else. He appears to be in a permanently bad mood. He deliberately knocks Joey off of his skateboard and then laughs about it. When he later overhears Joey calling him a “dozer,” (which is seriously one of the most Canadian words that I’ve ever heard in my life), Dwayne tells Joey that he’s going to beat him up after school.

And yet, Dwayne is not all bad. When Scooter (Christopher Charlesworth), a student who is younger and smaller than everyone else, needs help opening his locker, Dwayne is the one who yanks off the lock. Later, when Scooter can’t reach his bag of chips (because some other bully put it on top of a high shelf), Dwayne lifts Scooter up so that Scooter can get them. Dwayne seems to sincerely like Scooter, perhaps because Scooter is the only person at the school to not show any fear of him.

Scooter, however, is shocked to hear that Dwayne is going to beat up Joey because Joey, like Scooter, is considerably smaller than Dwayne. When Scooter asks Dwayne why he’s going to beat up Joey, Dwayne shrugs and says, “It’ll feel good.”

And Dwayne proceeds to do just what he said he would do. Joey doesn’t attempt to run away from the fight and that wins him a measure of respect from the other students. But, in the end, he still gets thoroughly beaten up. On the plus side, it wins him some sympathy from Liz and it also wins him a new friend when Scooter decides that he would rather hang out with Joey than Dwayne.

Speaking of hanging out with each other, Stephanie is still obsessed with getting Simon to notice her and Simon is still only interested in Alexa. Even when Stephanie pretends to sprain her ankle, Simon barely notices. (Ankle sprains are no joke, Stephanie! Believe klutzy little me, I know.) Stephanie finally asks Simon to go to the fight with her and Simon says sure. Stephanie is overjoyed until Simon brings Alexa with him as well. Amazingly, Simon and Alexa are both totally clueless as to what Stephanie is doing. Then again, I think we’ve all known at least one couple like Simon and Alexa, who are so perfect for each other and so thoroughly vapid in their personalities that you just know they’re never going to have any disagreements at all and that the real world is never going to invade their fantasy.

This was a good episode, largely due to Darrin Brown’s multi-layered performance as Dwayne. While this is Dwayne’s only big Junior High episode, he is destined become one of show’s most ground-breaking characters once the action moves into high school.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Check It Out! 1.17 “Banzai”

Posted on February 10, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, I finally get a chance to review the episode that I should have reviewed last week. Nature is healing.

Episode 1.17 “Banzai”

(Dir by John Bell, originally aired on February 8th, 1986)

Mrs. Cobb (Barbara Hamilton) has decided that it would be a good idea to send someone over to Japan to study how the Japanese have become such efficient employers and employees. That is an idea that actually isn’t bad and totally makes sense. Give some points to the show for having a good idea for once.

However, for some reason, Mrs. Cobb wants to send over not an executive and not a store manager but an assistant store manager. That makes no sense. If you want to make changes, why wouldn’t you send someone over who has the authority to do so? As usual, Mrs. Cobb wants it to be someone from Howard’s store. The show has always implied that Mrs. Cobb is the richest woman in Canada and that she actually owns several businesses across the North American continent. It’s odd that the only one she ever seems to care about is Howard’s store.

Assistant Store Manager Jack Christian is on vacation in Fiji so Howard has to pick a temporary replacement who can go to Japan. Mrs. Cobb tells him to pick a woman and since Marlene has a criminal record and Jennifer is not in this episode, the job falls to Edna.

Edna goes to Japan and then returns with a lot of ideas for how to make Cobb’s better. Cue Howard’s comic exasperation as Edna demands informality in the workplace, a lack of walls, and a mandatory exercise period. Also cue the two Japanese workers that Edna brought back with her, who proceed to tear down the walls of Howard’s office.

Watching all of this, I had to wonder just how long Christian’s Fiji vacation lasted. This episode seemed to take place over the course of a month, maybe even longer. It lasted long enough for the staff to rebel against Edna and for Mrs. Cobb to change her mind about using Japanese methods in her business. And it lasted long enough for Edna to decide that she would rather go back to being Howard’s administrative assistant. Jack Christian did return by the end of the episode, which is good since Jeff Pustil (who played Christian) and Kathleen Laskey (who played Marlene) were the show’s two most consistent comedic performers. (Interestingly enough, they’re married in real life.)

This was actually not a bad episode. I always cringe a bit whenever I see any 80s or 90s sitcom attempting to deal with cultural differences, especially when the other culture is Japanese. Just judging from a lot of the shows that I’ve seen, it would appear that many Americans (and I guess Canadians) in the 80s felt like the only way to deal with Japan’s competitive economy was to make often juvenile jokes about Japanese tourists with cameras and the poor dubbing that most Japanese films suffered on their way to American screens. This episode of Check It Out! is actually respectful of Japanese business culture, even if the show’s message seems to be that it ultimately isn’t right for the more laid back culture of Canada.

As for what happens in next week’s episode — who knows? We’ll find out.

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 3.9 “A Novel Idea”

Posted on February 10, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Mr. Woodman writes a book!

Episode 3.9 “A Novel Idea”

(Dir by Nick Havinga, originally aired on October 20th, 1977)

When his father has an attack of appendicitis, Gabe rushes to upstate New York to be with his mother. That’s right. Other than a brief appearance at the start and the end of this episode, Gabe Kotter is absent from this edition of Welcome Back, Kotter.

With Gabe gone, it falls to Julie to deal with the lates dispute between the Sweathogs and Mr. Woodman. Mr. Woodman has written a book, a Civil War romance called Swamp Rats Of Savannah. The book’s hero is Beauregard Ravenna, the “sliver fox” who is the headmaster of the Applegate School in Georgia. Ravenna is a dedicated educator but he has to deal with four unruly students, the Swamp Rats. Kloberino, Warpstein, Thorshack, and Baltimore are not only terrible students but they are also responsible for the start of the Civil War when they launch an attack on Ft. Sumter. Ravenna must defeat them while also dealing with a deserter-turned-teacher named Gaylord Teesdale and his love-starved wife, Julie Luh.

When the Sweathogs get their hands on a copy of the manuscript, they are so offended that they write a science fiction epic called Space Hogs of Buchania, in which the heroic Space Hogs battle a tyrant known as Demento. Woodman is as offended by their novel as they were by his. Finally, at a summit held at the Kotter apartment and with Julie overseeing, Woodman and the Sweathogs agree to tone down their depictions of each other.

I was looking forward to this episode because the idea of Mr. Woodman writing a novel about the Sweathogs seemed like a promising concept. Mr, Woodman has always been the most consistently funny character on the show and John Sylvester White’s wonderfully unhinged performance has always been a highlight of Welcome back, Kotter. And indeed, there are some funny moments in this episode and John Sylvester White is responsible for almost all of them. That said, the overall episode just fell flat. The absence of Gabe Kaplan is really felt, if just because it requires Julie to suddenly go from being annoyed with the Sweathogs to instead being their enthusiastic ally. It doesn’t feel right for Julie’s character and Marcia Strassman doesn’t seem to be totally comfortable with stepping into the role that was typically played by Gabae Kaplan. I kept waiting for Julie to kick everyone out of the apartment. Instead, she read everyone’s books. That’s not the Julie we know! As well, I was really hoping the show would go into even more detail about what was in each book, perhaps even visualizing a few of the scenes. Instead, it was just a collection of scenes of people looking at pages and then saying, “Look what he wrote here!” For an idea that has so much potential, the execution was a bit lacking.

As with so many of Welcome Back, Kotter‘s later episodes, this one that you watch and try not to think about how much better it all would have been handled during the first season.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Friday the 13th 1.17 “The Electrocutioner”

Posted on February 9, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!

There’s nothing scarier than going to the dentist! Especially when he has a cursed electric chair!

(As a sidenote, I was planning on reviewing this last week but I was not feeling well so I held off until this week. I apologize for the delay in the writing and posting this review! These things do happen and I’ve recently been told that I need to start getting more rest and looking after my health so it may happen more than once.)

Episode 1.17 “The Electrocutioner”

(Dir by Rob Hedden, originally aired on April 18th, 1988)

In 1978, Eli Pittman (Angelo Rizacos) was sitting on death row, an innocent man who had been wrongly convicted of murder. Sentenced to die in the electric chair, Eli’s cries of innocence fell on deaf ears. The warden of the prison didn’t care. The judge didn’t care. The prosecuting attorney didn’t care. Miraculously, Eli survived the first attempt to electrocute him. And, fortunately, his death sentence was overturned before he could be shocked a second time.

Ten years later, Eli is working as a dentist at a school for runaways. Though he presents himself as being a charitable doctor who just wants to help the less fortunate, Eli is actually a deeply bitter man. He wants revenge on everyone who sent him to prison. Eli has purchased the electric chair in which he was meant to die. He’s disguised it as a dentist chair. When his teenage patients sit in the chair, they are reduced to ash. Eli is then able to generate electricity through his body. He uses this power to get his revenge.

Can Ryan, Micki, and Jack stop him?

After a really good opening scene (which is filmed in black-and-white and makes use of a handheld camera to generate a genuinely nightmarish atmosphere), this becomes one of the sillier episodes that I’ve watched so far. Angelo Rizacos is good in the flashback scenes and he makes you feel a good deal of sympathy for Eli. But, in the modern day scenes, he overacts to an extent that Eli goes from being a victimized man driven by revenge to a rather broadly-drawn supervillain. He’s like a character from a B-comic book movie, the sort of villain that would expect Venom or Morbius to battle in a pre-credits sequence.

Add to that …. an antique electric chair? This show is at its best when the antiques are stuff that you could imagine actually stumbling across in an antique store. The idea of that big, bulky chair being in the store (and subsequently being disguised as a dentist chair) was just silly.

But you know what? Friday the 13th is a fun show, even when it’s silly. Chris Wiggins, John D. LeMay, and Robey made for a good team of investigators and, if nothing else, it was fun watching them interact in this episode. This was a silly episode but at least it was silly in an entertaining way.

Retro Television Review: T and T 2.16 “Substitute Teacher”

Posted on February 9, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on Tubi!

This week, T.S. Turner has a lesson to teach.

Episode 2.16 “Substitute Teacher”

(Dir by Patrick Loubert, originally aired on February 27th, 1989)

When the regular teacher of a middle school social studies class is taken ill, T.S. Turner is sent to fill in. Uhmm, okay….

There some dialogue as the start of the episode that suggests that Amy is responsible for Turner getting the job but I’m not sure why Amy would have that power. As well, Amy drops Turner off at the school. That may not seem like much but there’s a surprise twist at the end of this episode that makes you question a lot of what you previously assumed about Amy.

As for the show itself, it’s a clip show. Turner’s class wants to hear about his exploits so Turner says something like, “You got to be able to depend on your friends,” and then we get a brief montage of Turner talking to various friends (the majority of whom vanished after one episode). Turner says that violence should only be a last resort. Turner also raps about halfway through his lesson and it goes on for a while.

While this is going on, another teacher (Steve Brinder) keeps showing up and claiming that he’s supposed to be the substitute. Turner finally gets tired of him, especially after the teacher takes a swing at him. But then Decker shows up and announces that — whoops! — Turner’s at the wrong school.

Did Amy take him to the wrong school? What the Hell!?

Episodes like this make my job easy because there’s nothing to say about them. It’s a clip show and the final message appears to be that Amy is really incompetent. Duncan Waugh of Degrassi Junior High fame plays one of Turner’s students. One thing about binging Degrassi, T and T, Friday the 13th, and Check It Out! all at the same time is that you see a lot of familiar faces popping up from show-to-show.

Anyway, this was a clip show. Look at all the clips. Hopefully, next week will not be a clip show.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Highway to Heaven 1.20 “The Banker and the Bum”

Posted on February 8, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee and several other services!

This week, Ned Beatty is not one but two characters!

Episode 1.20 “The Banker and the Bum”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on February 27th, 1985)

Wally the Waver (Ned Beatty) is an eccentric but beloved homeless man who usually spends his time sitting in and sleeping in a park. He smiles and waves at passing people and sometimes, he’ll get a newspaper out of the trash and read up on the upcoming mayoral election. What Wally does not know is that he only has 24 hours to live and that Jonathan and Mark have been sent to grant him his last wish.

Wally’s wish is that local businessman and politician J. Melvin Rich (also played by Ned Beatty) could discover what it’s like to struggle from day-to-day. Melvin is running for mayor and a huge part of his platform calls for bulldozing the park and turning the land over to developers. Jonathan grants his wish. Suddenly, Melvin is in Wally’s body and Wally is in Melvin’s body. While Melvin learns what its like to not have a place to sleep or a guaranteed nightly meal, Wally makes it a point to be kind to Melvin’s servants and his wife (Eve Roberts). Wally also attends a mayoral debate (as Melvin) and announces that everyone should vote for Melvin’s opponent.

Melvin, needless to say, is not happy about any of this but his experiences getting kicked out of various establishments and being told that there’s no room for him at the shelter leads to Melvin starting to sympathize a bit with the plight with the underprivileged. Then, as night falls, he once again switches bodies with Wally. Now in his right body, Melvin discovers that he’s now considered to be a hero for endorsing his opponent and his previously estranged wife loves him again. Wally, meanwhile, dies peacefully in the park, secure in the knowledge that he has saved it from being destroyed. A jump forward reveals that Melvin goes on to become a beloved philanthropist who protects the park that Wally called home.

If this episode proves anything, it’s that Ned Beatty was a national treasure. The story is heavy-handed and a lot of the humor is a bit too cartoonish for its own good. Naming the greedy businessman J. Melvin Rich is a choice that is a bit too cutesy to really work. Actually, Wally the Waver is concept that is almost too cutesy to work. But Beatty makes both characters work, playing up Wally’s gentle eccentricity and Melvin’s genuine happiness at discovering that he’s suddenly a well-liked man. This is an episode that would have been way too silly if not for Ned Beatty’s presence keeping things grounded. Just as Melvin saves the park, Beatty saves the story.

Retro Television Review: Dr. Paradise 1.1 “The Pilot”

Posted on February 8, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Dr. Paradise, which aired on CBS in 1988. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Frank Langella sets himself up as the ruler of a tropical island!

Episode 1.1 “The Pilot”

(Dir by Peter Baldwin, originally aired on July 12th, 1988)

Who is Dr. Paradise?

Why, he’s Frank Langella!

Langella plays Dr. Paradise, a haughty and sarcastic man who owns a health clinic that is located on a small tropical island. Dr. Paradise also owns the local casino so visitors at the island will often lose all of their money at night and then come to the clinic during the day. As this episode is only 22 minutes long and there’s a whole host of other characters to introduce, we don’t learn as much about Dr. Paradise as we might want to. We know that he’s rich. We know that doors magically swoosh open whenever he approaches. During the opening credits, we watch the staff throw darts at his portrait, just for Dr. Paradise to reveal that he always has an extra portrait with him. He’s arrogant and egocentric and I get the feeling that we’re supposed to dislike his lavish lifestyle but he’s Frank Langella so it feels churlish to take away his joy.

As for the rest of the staff at the hospital …. well, none of them are as interesting as Dr. Paradise and I found myself resenting them for that fact.

Dr. Noah Fredericks (Xander Berkeley) is the psychiatrist who is clearly meant to be a stoner, even if the show couldn’t actually come right out and say it. But with his deadpan way of speaking and his red eyes, there’s not much doubt that Dr. Fredericks was high for the entire episode. I don’t blame him.

Dr. Philip Moore (Hiram Kasten) is desperately looking for someone to play golf with him.

Dr. Amy Hunter (Sally Kellerman) is the ethical doctor who disagrees with Dr. Paradise’s methods but who seems to secretly kind of like him as well.

Dr. Casey Hunter (Tommy Hinkley) is Amy’s whiney son who appears to have a gambling problem. At one point, it is mentioned that he dropped out of a top medical school so that he could become a chiropractor. As someone who has recently had to deal with neck and back pain, I support his choice.

Hilary (Beverly Brown) is a native of the island and works as the office manager. She has no personality beyond saying, “Dr. Paradise” in an exaggerated island accent.

The pilot centers around the character of Newton Hobbs (played by future Congressional candidate Barry Gordon), a wealthy but neurotic man who spends a lot of money at Dr. Paradise’s casino. Newton comes to the clinic for his weekly session with Dr. Fredericks but, when Dr. Paradise insults him, Newton snaps and draws a gun. He holds everyone hostage for a few minutes, until another patient has a heart attack from the stress. Dr. Paradise saves the man from dying, establishing that he’s a jerk who is good at his job. As for Newton …. NOTHING HAPPENS TO HIM! It turns out that it was all apart of his therapy plan with Dr. Fredericks and the gun was not even loaded.

Hey, that’s all good and well. WHAT IF THE MAN WHO HAD A HEART ATTACK DIED, YOU IDIOTS!?

Meanwhile, Casey’s parrot talks to a cat while Casey’s at the office. That should have been cute but …. eh.

Only one episode of Dr. Paradise aired. This pilot did not become a series and it’s easy to see why. For all the talent — Sally Kellerman, Barry Gordon, Xander Berkeley, the great Frank Langella — the dialogue isn’t funny and the situations aren’t that interesting. It’s a shame because Frank Langella’s performance indicates that he could have been an enjoyably over-the-top sitcom actor. But even the best actors need a decent script.