Tag Archives: Retro Television Reviews

Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi Junior High 2.9 “Dog Days”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi Junior High, which aired on CBC and PBS from 1987 to 1989!  The series can be streamed on YouTube!

This week, we check back in with Stephanie and Arthur.

Episode 2.9 “Dog Days”

(Dir by Kit Hood, originally aired on February 29th, 1988)

Stephanie is feeling depressed.  She no longer cares about keeping up her grades.  She no longer changes clothes or puts on makeup when she arrives at school.  She wants nothing to do with her former best friends, the Farrell Twins.  She’s no longer interested in being school president or even trying to capture Simon’s attention.

When her friends, her teachers, and her mother ask her why she’s so depressed, Stephanie refuses to tell them.  “Maybe I’ll just kill myself,” she says at one point and while the Farrell Twins assume that she’s just being overdramatic, the viewer knows that Stephanie has been skipping school so that she can gaze up at a bridge and fantasize about jumping off.

(The bridge that appears in this episode was an actual bridge in Toronto that was nicknamed “Suicide Bridge,” because so many people did jump from it.  So, Canadian viewers would have immediately understood the horrible significance of Stephanie standing in front of that particular bridge and staring up at it.)

Meanwhile, Stephanie’s mother wants Arthur to come over for dinner.  Arthur is curious about the dinner but he’s also very concerned about what he’s going to do with Phil, an adorable puppy that has started following him around.  Arthur tries to take the dog to school with him, hiding him first in his book bag and secondly in the school’s boiler room.  Both times, the dog is discovered and Arthur eventually ends up with detention.  Myself, I’m not a dog person but I thought the puppy was adorable and he definitely should have been enrolled in the school.

At dinner, Stephanie and Arthur’s mom announces that she’s getting married to Jerry, her latest boyfriend.  Stephanie throws a tantrum and Arthur grabs Phil and leaves the house.  Stephanie follows after him and finds him in the park.  They have a conversation about how awkward their parents’ divorce has made their lives while sitting in the swings and Stephanie cheers up a little, realizing that Arthur will always be there for her.

During the first season of Degrassi Junior High, nearly every episode focused on Stephanie and Arthur.  Up until this episode, they spent most of the second season in the background, overshadowed by the drama surrounding Spike’s pregnancy and Joey’s dreams of rock stardom.  For me, as someone who likes to keep up with what’s going on with people, it was kind of nice to see the two of them finally get another spotlight episode.  This episode hit close to home for me, as I struggled with depression when I was in high school and I also used to make life Hell for anyone who thought he could be my stepfather.  I related to Stephanie in this episode and Nicole Stoffman did a great job of capturing the feeling of oppressive ennui that had afflicted her.  Duncan Waugh also gave a good performance as Arthur, with this episode showing how much he had matured since the first season while also acknowledging that Arthur is still basically a very naive kid.  I just hope he was allowed to keep the dog.

In typical Degrassi Junior High fashion, this episode ends without any clear or definite resolution.  Stephanie is doing a little better but she’s still depressed and she’s still angry about her mom marrying Jerry.  That was one of the great things about Degrassi.  Whereas other shows always tried to wrap everything up in 30 minutes or an hour, Degrassi had the courage to admit that things were not always that easy or simple.

Retro Television Review: The Death Of Me Yet (dir by John Llewellyn Moxey)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay.  Today’s film is 1971’s The Death Of Me Yet!  It  can be viewed on YouTube.

Welcome to Middletown!

Middletown is a nice, comfy, and friendly little town.  As you might guess from the name, it seems just like the type of town that you would expect to find in the middle of the country.  Edward Young (Doug McClure) is a friendly and popular citizen of the town.  Everyone loves to see Edward walking around Middletown with his girlfriend, Alice (Meg Foster, of the otherworldly eyes).  But one day, Edward comes home to find a message waiting for him.  He has been “activated” and it’s time for him to leave Middletown and head to …. THE UNITED STATES!

You see, Middletown is in the middle of a country.  It’s in the middle of Russia, to be exact.  It’s a KGB training center, where sleeper agents learn how to pass for Americans.

Edward heads to America, where he takes on the name of Paul Towers.  Over the years, Paul settles in a town that looks a lot like Middletown.  Paul becomes a newspaper publisher and he comes to love America.  He also marries Sibby (Rosemary Forsyth), the sister of defense contract Hank Keller (Dana Elcar).  When one of Hank’s executives dies under mysterious circumstances, Hank offers to bring Paul into the business.

Paul is reluctant, both because he doesn’t know if he could pass the background check that the FBI is going to run on him and also because he suspects that someone is trying to kill him!  When he sees Alice and his former KGB handler (Richard Basehart) in town, Paul realizes that he’s going to have to pick a side and face the consequences of all of his actions.

The Death of Me Yet is an enjoyably twisty thriller, one that embraces the melodrama while having some fun with the idea of a bunch of sleeper agents doing business in a generic American town.  Doug McClure’s natural earnestness makes him an odd choice for the role of a lifelong spy but the casting works in that it explains why no one has ever suspected Paul in the past.  As always, Darren McGavin is a welcome presence as the FBI agent who assures Paul that he will be doing a thorough background check.  Richard Basehart makes for a good villain and Meg Foster’s enigmatic screen presence keeps the viewer guessing as to what her ultimate goal may be.

The film ends with the hint of continued adventures for Paul.  It wouldn’t surprise me if this movie was made with an eye on turning it into a weekly series.  As far as I know, that series never happened, though The Americans would later feature many of the same themes and ideas found in The Death of Me Yet.  The Death of Me Yet holds up as an entertaining espionage thriller.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Check It Out! 1.20 “Edna’s New Friend”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Edna and Leslie discover they have a lot in common!

Episode 1.20 “Edna’s New Friend”

(Dir by Alan Erlich, originally aired on February 26th, 1986)

Brace yourself.  We are once again about to explore Howard and Edna’s relationship.

Check It Out!, at least during its first season, was never particularly consistent when it came to the details of Howard and Edna’s relationship.  Sometimes, Howard was the most romantic man on the planet and then, other times, he was an insensitive jerk who was incapable of understanding why Edna wouldn’t want to spend all of her time watching television at his apartment.  Sometimes, Edna was down-to-Earth and realistic and, other times, she was flighty and seemingly living in a world of her own.  In this episode, we’re back to Howard being a jerk and Edna wanting to experience life outside of going to work and then over to Howard’s apartment.

Edna has tickets to the ballet.  As she explains, they cost her a lot of money and she’s superexcited about having managed to get them.  However, Howard doesn’t care about the ballet (“I don’t like Russian ballerinas,” he explains) and he’s already made plans to watch television that night.  Edna asks Jennifer if she wants to go but Jennifer has an appointment at a tanning salon.  Marlene has a date and is planning on taking him to a “slam dance, so if I don’t like him, at least I’ll get to hurt him.”  Finally, Edna asks Leslie, who once lived in Paris and who is a ballet fanatic!

Leslie is also a guy but he’s gay so Howard isn’t concerned about him going out with Edna.  Or, at least, Howard isn’t worried until Christian suggests that Edna might try to “convert” Leslie because “women love a challenge.”  Howard starts to panic….

Of course, what Howard should be panicking about is the super cheap beef that Christian has been buying and re-selling in the store.  It’s not beef, at all.  It’s horse meat!  When the truth comes out, the customers form an angry mob.  Marlene even joins them because “it was either be destroyed or become their leader.”

The character of Leslie has been one of the more interesting parts of the first season of Check It Out!  Today, of course, it doesn’t seem like a big deal for a show to feature a regular character who is gay.  But, by the standards of most 1980s sitcoms that I’ve seen, Check It Out! was often downright progressive in its portrayal of Leslie as being an openly gay, angst-free, and happy man who was a friend to and respected by all of his co-workers, even the stupid ones.  And while this episode does feature some humor centered around Leslie’s sexuality, the target of the joke is always Howard’s insecurity and Christian’s ignorance.  Again, this might not sound like much but you have to keep in mind that this is a nearly 40 year-old show.  When Check it Out! aired, most gay characters were either over-the-top caricatures that audiences were invited to laugh at or special guest stars who only existed to teach a lesson to the show’s regulars and who certainly didn’t return for a second appearance.  As corny and old-fashioned as Check it Out! could be, it was ahead-of-its-time when it came to Leslie.

As for the episode itself, it’s okay.  This is one of those episodes that leaves you wondering why Edna puts up with Howard but the stuff with the horsemeat was funny.  Marlene deciding to join the angry mob made me laugh.  Marlene is a force of chaos!  That’s something that this uneven but often funny show really needed.

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 3.13 “Swine and Punishment”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, in a special Thanksgiving episode, Freddie is accused of cheating.

Episode 3.13 “Swine and Punishment”

(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on November 24th, 1977)

At the new apartment, Gabe tells Julie about the time his Uncle Thomas came across a man who had his ear to the ground.  Uncle Thomas listened to the ground and heard nothing.  The man agreed and said that it had been that way for hours.  It was a bit of an odd joke but Julie laughed.

Meanwhile, at the school, Mr. Woodman interrupts Gabe’s class to announce that Freddie “Boom Boom” Washington passed his English test.  He got a 94!

YAY!

Mr. Woodman says that there’s no way that Freddie could have passed the test without cheating.

Boo!  Hiss!  Hiss!

Seriously, Mr. Woodman’s usually a great character and John Sylvester White’s unhinged performance is one of the few consistently funny things about this show (especially in the later seasons) but Woodman is the worst in this episode.  One of the Sweathogs finally does well in a class that isn’t taught by Mr. Kotter and Woodman accuses him of cheating.  No wonder the Sweathogs don’t have any self-esteem.

Woodman says that Freddie can prove his innocence by taking and passing a make-up exam.  Freddie refuses and Gabe supports him.  But when the other Sweathogs talk about how proud they are of Freddie, Freddie relents and agrees to take the makeup test.

That night, Freddie shows up at the Kotter apartment.  After thanking Gabe for supporting him, Freddie reveals that he did cheat on the first test.  He cheated because he knew the material (apparently, Freddie is a huge fan of Alexandre Dumas and The Three Musketeers) and he couldn’t stand the idea of getting a bad grade on material that he knew.  Freddie’s self-esteem is so low that he’s convinced that he can’t pass a test without cheating.

Awwwwww!  Poor Freddie!

With Gabe’s encouragement, Freddie takes the makeup exam without cheating.  (The other Sweathogs attempt to write the answers on a gyro sandwich but Horshack screws it up by putting mustard on the sandwich and …. well, look, it was all really dumb, okay?)  Freddie again passes the exam, this time getting an 84.

Yay!

But Gabe tells Freddie that he still needs to tell the truth about cheating on the first exam….

WHAT!?  Gabe — what are you thinking!?

Freddie agrees that Gabe is right and I can only assume that he got kicked out of school as a result.  Sorry, Freddie, it was nice knowing you.

Back at the Kotter apartment, Julie refuses to listen to Gabe talk about his Uncle Robert so Gabe talks to the Thanksgiving turkey instead.

This episode felt very familiar to me and eventually, I realized that it was basically just a remake of the season two episode where Freddie was accused of stealing from the Sweathog emergency fund.  Of course, during the earlier seasons, there’s no way Gabe would have pressured Freddie to confess.  By the time the third season rolled around, the Sweathogs and Gabe had lost a bit of their edge and were now more concerned with being good role models.

That said, this episode deserves some credit for giving Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs a showcase.  Of all the Sweathogs, Freddie was often the one who was regulated to just standing in the background and looking cool.  With this episode, the viewer is reminded that Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs was a good actor in his own right and capable of playing both drama and comedy.

Next week …. it’s Epstein’s turn in the spotlight!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 1.21 “Double Exposure”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!

This week, a reporter uses a cursed camera to make the news!

Episode 1.21 “Double Exposure”

(Dir by Neill Fearnley, originally aired on May 16th, 1988)

As you may remember, at the end of the previous episode, Ryan reluctantly left the Pentite Community and returned to Toronto so that he could continue to help Micki and Jack track down the cursed antiques.  When he left, he promised Laura that he would always love her.

Well, that didn’t last long.  This episode opens with a Ryan in a photobooth, taking pictures of himself and his new girlfriend, Cathy!  RYAN, YOU CAD!  Now, in Ryan’s defense, Cathy is played by Catherine Disher (who previously played the supercool Sophie in the first season of T and T) and she seems like a much better match for Ryan than the somewhat dour Laura.  Cathy and Ryan actually have fun together!  Of course, this is Friday the 13th and that means that all fun is temporary.

There’s a serial killer stalking Toronto and Ryan just happens to witness him murdering his latest victim in an alley.  To Ryan’s shock, the killer appears to Winston Knight (Gary Frank), a television news anchorman who is currently getting huge rating because of his reporting on the killings.  But how can that be?  When Ryan witnesses the murder, Winston is live on the air, delivering the news.  Winston even gets a phone call from someone claiming to be the murderer.

Winston speculates that the killer might be an obsessed fan who is wearing a Winston Knight mask.  Of course, the truth of the matter is that Winston is using a cursed camera to take a picture of himself.  The picture then turns into a doppelganger of Winston.  The Doppelganger commits a murder, Winston reports on the tragedy, and then, after five hours, Winston sets the negative on fire and the Doppelganger is destroyed.  If Winston doesn’t destroy the negative after five hours, Winston will be the one who is destroyed and the Doppelganger will become human.  It all sounds a bit complicated, to be honest.  You have to wonder how Winston managed to figure all of this out.

Anyway, the important thing is that Winston is eventually exposed as the murderer.  While trying to kill Ryan at the antique store, the Doppelganger is stabbed by Ryan.  It doesn’t hurt the Doppelganger until Winston fails to burn the negative and vanishes from existence.  The Doppelganger becomes human and then promptly drops dead of his wound.  Ryan conquers another cursed antique but, unfortunately, not before the Doppelganger murders Cathy.  The episode ends not on a note of triumph but instead with Ryan looking at a picture of Cathy and tearing up.

Wow, what a dark episode!  Sometimes, it’s easy to forget that, on this show, Ryan is basically a very naive and very earnest teenager.  He falls in love easily, he always believes that things will turn out for the best, and his heart is broken nearly every time he has to retrieve an antique.  Jack is used to the pain and Micki is a bit of a cynic but Ryan is still trying to balance happiness with the psychological damage that comes from seeing the worst things possible on a weekly basis.  John D. LeMay and Catherine Disher were adorable together and it was hard not to get a bit upset when Cathy fell victim to the Doppelganger.  This episode was sad but undeniably effective.

Poor Ryan!

Retro Television Review: T and T 2.20 “A Natural Death”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990.  The show can be found on Tubi!

This week, the second season comes to an end!

Episode 2.20 “A Natural Death”

(Dir by Patrick Loubert, originally aired on May 22nd, 1989)

When a patient nearly dies at a hospital, the blame is placed on a nurse named Eloise (Elizabeth Hanna).  Eloise is accused of falling asleep at her station.  However, Eloise has never fallen asleep at her station in the past and she has a reputation for being a good nurse.  Eloise retain Amy Taler to defend her at a board hearing and Amy sends T.S. to the hospital to investigate.

T.S. discovers that the patient is a retired gangster and he starts to suspect that maybe Eloise was set up by someone who wants him dead.  But when Eloise herself announces that she no longer wants to to work at the hospital, T.S. comes to suspect that there’s even more to the story.

Oddly enough, there isn’t more to the story.  A doctor who owes money to the mob drugged Eloise’s coffee and caused Eloise to fall asleep.  The doctor then agreed to help Eloise find work at another hospital in return for dropping her appeal.  When the gangsters shows up and demand that the doctor personally kill the patient, he agrees but — surprise! — he was just pretending to agree until T.S., Amy, and the cops could show up.

What a weird episode with which to end the second season.  The mystery isn’t much of a mystery.  T.S. Turner doesn’t beat anyone up.  For whatever reason, both Amy and T.S. appear to be annoyed with the world in general for much of this episode.  Amy rolls her eyes when Decker says that he wants to become a better businessman so his gym doesn’t go bankrupt.  Turner rolls his eyes when Amy tells him that she wants him to investigate the hospital.  Joe, the orphan who Amy and Turner more-or-less adopted at the start of the second season, is nowhere to be seen.  This does not, in any way, feel like a season finale and it wouldn’t surprise me to discover that it had been meant to air earlier in the season.

What to say about the second season?  It definitely wasn’t as good as the first season.  If the first season was fun and energetic, the second season often felt dour.  The cast often seemed to just be going through the motions and there was little of the intentional humor that occasionally distinguished the first season.  Turner’s quips were a bit less amusing and the show didn’t seem to have the slightest idea what to do with Amy.

Speaking of Amy, this episode was also the finale for her character.  Season 3 finds Tuner working for a new lawyer.  We’ll find out more next week when we start looking at the final season of T and T.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 1.24 & 1.25 “Thoroughbreds”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee and several other services!

This week, season one concludes with a two-part episode.

Episodes 1.24 and 1.25 “Thoroughbreds”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on May 1st and 8th, 1985)

For their last assignment of the first season, Jonathan and Mark are sent to work at a stable owned by the wealthy Mr. Armstong (Stephen Elliott).  Lizzy MacGill (a young Helen Hunt) is the daughter of one of Amrstrong’s employees (Noble Willingham) and has practically grown up at the stables.  She loves horses and, as the first episode progresses, she also falls in love with Mr. Armstrong’s spoiled son, Garth (John Hammond).

Garth falls in love with Lizzie as well, learning how to be both a better horseman and just a better man from his interactions with her.  Despite his father’s threat to disown him, Garth breaks off his engagement to Ms. Richy McSnobby Snob (that may not have been her actual name) and he elopes with Lizzie.

Yay!

Except …. Lizzie has cancer and she doesn’t know it!  The test comes back on the exact same day that she runs off with Garth.  Part one ends with two fathers in tears, though each for different reasons.

At the start of Part Two, Jonathan tracks down Lizzie and informs her of her diagnosis.  Without telling Garth what’s going on, she returns home and is informed that 1) she must start chemotherapy immediately and 2) she’s pregnant.  Her doctor (Richard Bull) tells Lizzie that she’ll have to have an abortion if she wants to start treatment.  Lizzie runs from the hospital.

As for Garth, he naturally wants to know what’s going on.  Lizzie lies to him and tells him that she only wanted him for his father’s money and since he’s now cut-off, they might as well just call off the marriage as well.  Heart-broken, Garth decides to marry RIchy McSnobby Snob.

Worst ending ever, right?  Well, don’t worry, it’s not over yet.  Jonathan and Mark crash the wedding (and Jonathan tells a lie to get into the church, which I thought was a no-no for angels) and Jonathan causes A FIRE TO BREAK OUT IN THE CHURCH’S BASEMENT!  Again, this does not seem like good angel behavior.  Anyway, all the smoke gives Garth time to realize that he actually does love Lizzie and, after Mark informs him about why Lizzie actually left him, Garth rushes back to Lizzie and they go to the local Justice of the Peace to get married.  Fortunately, Jonathan is able to convince Mr. Elliott to come to that wedding as well.

The episode ends with a flashforward,  in which we see Lizzie and Garth’s toddler son playing outside while an apparently healthy Lizzie watches.

Yay!

It’s not a bad way to end the first season, though I do think the story could have just as easily been told in one episode as opposed to two.  (The first episode especially feels padded out.)  Helen Hunt and John Hammond made for a perfectly adorable couple and their chemistry ensured that the show’s signature mix of sentimentality and melodrama never felt too cloying.  All in all, this was a good ending to a fairly strong first season.

Next week, season 2 begins!

Retro Television Reviews: Puppetman 1.1 “Pilot”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Puppetman, which aired on CBS in 1987.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, we have the pilot for Puppetman, a sitcom that was created by the people behind the Muppets.

Episode 1.1 “Puppetman”

(Dir by Alan Rafkin, originally aired on July 3rd, 1987)

Gary (Fred Newman) is a puppeteer who spends most of his day hiding beneath a cardboard wall while speaking in the voice of a naive dragon.  Much like the guy from the Police Academy films, Gary does a lot of other sound effects as well.  Who needs to pay for an SFX department when Gary can perfectly duplicate any sound that’s needed?  Gary works on a PBS puppet show that is hosted by the mercurial Rita (Julie Payne).  His co-puppeteers are Del (Richard Hunt) and Holly (Lisa Waltz).  It would seem that he has the perfect life, though it’s hard not to notice that Gary seems to be a lot more comfortable expressing his emotions through his puppets than through face-to-face conversation.

Gary’s ex-wife calls and explains that she has an audition for a play.  She asks if Gary can look after their six year-old son, Zack (Michael Patrick Carter).  Gary agrees, though he worries about whether or not he’ll be as good a full-time father as he was a part-time father.  At first, Zack is excited to spend time with his father but then he’s bitterly disappointed when Gary has to keep abandoning him because of the demands of his job.  Gary is good at holding the show together but he’s less skilled at meeting the emotional needs of a six year-old.

Gary’s going to have to get better at it, though.  When his wife calls and says that she got the part and she’s going to be on the road for the next six months, she asks Gary to take Zack.  Gary agrees but first, he has to ask Zack.  And what better way to ask Zack than to have a puppet do it for him?

The Puppetman pilot was co-written by Jim Henson, the creator of the Muppets.  Perhaps not surprisingly, the pilot is at its best when it deals with what goes on behind-the-scenes of a PBS children’s show.  The stuff with Zack is rather rudimentary but the pilot actually comes to life when it deals with temperamental grown-ups and idealized puppets.  When Rita decides to sing a song without giving anyone any advance warning and the puppeteers decide to upstage Rita by having one of the dragon puppets sneeze on her, it’s obvious that Henson was writing from his own personal experiences.

To be honest, this was kind of a depressing pilot.  Gary is a nice guy and he’s likable and he wants to be a good father but it’s obvious that he can only express his emotions through his puppets.  As a result, Zack is far more comfortable talking to the puppets than talking to his own father.  Throughout the whole pilot, one gets the feeling that Gary has been so deeply wounded in the past that he’s scared to open up.  Even the show’s laugh track sounds kind of sad.

Perhaps that explains why only one episode of Puppetman aired.  Gary agreed to watch Zack for six months but America would not be watching either one of them.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Monsters 1.23 “Mannikins of Horror”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

Uh-oh!  Here come the Mannikins of Horror!

Episode 1.23 “Mannikins of Horror”

(Dir by Ernest Farino, originally aired on May 20th, 1989)

In a dystopian future, a once renowned surgeon named Dr. Collin (William Prince) is a “patient” in a mental health facility that is more of a prison than a hospital.  Dr. Collin is obsessed with dying but he believes that he has found a way to transfer his soul into the very detailed, anatomically-correct clay figurines that he has made in his cell.

Dr. Jarris (Glynis Barber) thinks that Dr. Collin can be cured but the new head of the asylum, Dr. Starr (Brian Brophy), disagrees.  Starr believes that Collin is beyond saving and of no use to society.  And, in the future, those who do not have a use are euthanized.  Dr. Starr does not care that Dr. Collin once saved thousands of lives during the world’s most recent war.  He doesn’t care that Dr. Collin truly believes that he can make the world a better place through his research.  Dr. Starr has not time for imagination or speculation.  He is all about following procedure and observing protocol.  The arrogant Dr. Starr even takes away Dr. Collin’s figurines.

That’s a mistake because guess what?  Those figurines are alive!  And when Dr. Starr drinks a bit too much Vodka and passes out in his office, one of the figurines picks up a scalpel and stabs Dr. Starr in the eye, killing him.  When Dr. Jarris discover what has happened, she smashes the figurine’s head against Dr. Starr’s desk.  Dr. Collin screams in his cell as his face collapse in on itself, leaving behind a bloody mess.  Dr. Jarris huddles in a corner and starts to scream as the end credits roll.

YIKES!

Seriously, this was a really good episode.  The clay figurines were certainly creepy and the scene where they attacked Dr. Starr was so graphic that I’m a bit surprised the show was able to get away with it.  That said, what truly made this episode frightening was its portrayal of a society without compassion.  Dr. Starr, who is more of a bureaucrat than a doctor, has the power to decide who is useful to society and who is not.  And, if you’re deemed to not be useful, you’re marked for death.  It’s a harsh worldview and an example of cold pragmatism taken to its logical extreme.  It’s also feels like a pretty accurate representation of the attitude that many government and medical officials took during the COVID pandemic.  Just as many seemed to be gleeful about the idea of the pandemic wiping out those who they considered to be undesirable, Dr. Starr can barely suppress his joy in punishing Dr. Collin for not being properly compliant.  The little clay figures were scary but Dr. Starr was horrifying.

Monsters has been a fairly uneven show so far but Mannikins of Horror is a triumph.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.7 “The Horse Lover/Secretary to the Stars/Julie’s Decision/Gopher and Isaac Buy a Horse/Village People Ride Again”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Come aboard, they’re expecting you!

Episode 4.7 “The Horse Lover/Secretary to the Stars/Julie’s Decision/Gopher and Isaac Buy a Horse/Village People Ride Again”

(Dir by Roger Duchowny, originally aired on November 22nd, 1980)

Well, let’s see who is sailing on the Love Boat this week….

Uh-oh.

That’s right!  This week, The Village People are taking a cruise!  The disco group boards the boat while singing — you guessed it — In The Navy.  Captain Stubing is a huge fan of the Village People and he’s excited to learn that they will not only be sailing on the boat but they will also be performing their new song, Magic Night.  Stubing mentions that he wishes he could be a village person.  He’s already got a hat!  And he’s served in the Navy!  Stubing never gets around to whether or not he spent the night at YMCA and that’s probably a good thing.

This week, the boat is sailing to Acapulco for the Acapulco Steeplechase.  The Village People have entered a horse in the race, one that will be ridden by the Indian.  Gopher and Isaac have also bought a horse and entered it into the race.  They name the horse “Captain Stubing” and they go through a lot of trouble to keep the real Captain Stubing from finding out that they have snuck the horse on board.  The thing is, though — there are a lot of horses on board!  Nearly every passenger has brought a horse with them and the boat actually has a stable to hold them all during the cruise.  I’m not really sure why it’s a problem for Gopher and Isaac to have a horse, other than the fact that they both spend a lot of time checking in on the horse.  “Where is my crew!?” Stubing demands, while looking around the ship.

Paul Willis (Alan Ludden) is traveling with both his horse and his wife, Louise (Betty White).  Louise is upset that Paul seems to care more about the horse than her.  Louise even considers having a fling with Cliff (David Doyle), a man who wants to buy Paul’s horse.

Meanwhile, wealthy playboy Bret Garrett (Robert Stack) boards the ship and immediately falls in love with Julie.  Despite a 30-year age difference, Bret asks Julie to marry him.  This is the fourth or fifth times that a passenger has proposed to Julie during the course of a cruise.  Julie is happy but the crew worries that Bret might be too worldly and chronically unfaithful for Julie.

Finally, movie star Kim Holland (Loni Anderson) puts on glasses and a brunette wig and pretends to be an Englishwoman named Doris, all in order to keep people from bothering her on the cruise.  Tom Benson (Charles Frank) is obsessed, to an almost creepy extent, with Kim.  But then he falls in love with Doris, who he believes to be Kim’s secretary.  Tom fails to notice that 1) Doris looks just like Kim, just with glasses and brown hair and 2) Doris’s British accent doesn’t sound British at all.  Instead, it sounds like an American trying really hard to sound British.

The Steeplechase is won, rather easily, by Paul.  Both Gopher and the Indian end up getting thrown off their horses and they engage in a footrace to the finish line, for reasons that are not exactly clear.  After the race, Paul finally realizes how much he’s been neglecting Louise and he sells the horse to Cliff.  Meanwhile, Captain Stubing says that, next year, he’ll buy a horse with Gopher and Isaac and they’ll enter the horse into the race together.  As for Bret, he realizes that he’s not right with Julie and he pretends to cheat on her so that she’ll dump him.

And what about Kim?  Well, she tells Tom the truth and also reveals that her real name is June.  “Kim, Doris, June,” Tom says, “I can’t wait to get to know all three of you.”  Uhmm …. okay, not creepy at all.  Anyway, Tom and Kim leave the boat together but, right this episode ended, Kim appeared on an episode of Fantasy Island, in which she was again single and looking to escape her fame.  So, I guess she dumped Tom after a week.  Good for her!  Tom was super creepy.

Finally, all that is left to do is to say goodbye to the Village People.

This episode was an odd one.  Robert Stack was charming as Bret, even if he didn’t have much chemistry with Lauren Tewes.  Loni Anderson was fairly terrible as Kim, just as she would be on Fantasy Island.  And the Village People …. I mean, where do I even begin?  For a group associated with both disco and gay liberation, they came across as being an oddly dull collection of characters.  Of course, it’s doubtful that the target audience of The Love Boat knew what In The Navy was about or even understood why the members of the group were costumed the way that they were.  At one point, the Construction Worker even gives Julie an appreciate glance, as if the show’s producers were saying, “See, those rumors are just rumors!”

That said, I tend to like the odd episodes of The Love Boat and this episode functioned as a time capsule, if nothing else.  All it needed was Charo and it could have been put in a museum!