Horror Book Review: Missing by R.L. Stine

Posted on October 2, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

First published in 1990, Missing tells the story of Mark and Cara Burroughs. They’re siblings who have just moved to the town of Shadyside. Along with their parents and their cousin Roger, they live in a house located on Fear Street. Even though they are new students, they’re already popular enough that Mark is dating Gena and everyone from school shows up to party at their house while their parents are gone for the night.

Now, there’s a lot of negative things that you can say about the town of Shadyside and Fear Street in general. I mean, it’s kind of a violent town. How many homicidal maniacs have lived in Shadyside? Over the years, how many students at Shadyside High have either been murdered or seriously injured? But, it should be noted that Shadyside High is notably welcoming to new students. I know that, when I was in high school, the new transfer students were always initially viewed with suspicion. That was especially true if they were from any other place than Texas. (Since my family moved around a lot when I was a kid, I knew far too well what it was like to be the new kid at school so I always tried to be nice to everyone, even if they were from up north.) At Shadyside High, though, new students can go from moving into new home to throwing a huge party in just a matter of weeks.

Anyway, this party comes to an end when a cop shows up, not to complain about the noise but just to ask if Mark and Cara know anything about a nearby burglary. After all of their guests leave, Mark and Cara realize that their parents have yet to come home. What has happened to their parents and how is it connected to Roger, Gena, and a strange monkey statue? And why is a mysterious van parked outside the house? And what’s happening in Fear Street Woods!? That’s a lot of questions and fortunately, Mark and Cara decide to solve the case themselves as opposed to going to the police. (It should be noted that the phones at the house are all dead and, since this book was published in 1990, Mark and Cara are dependent on their landline. The 90s were a difficult time.)

Missing was the fourth of R.L. Stine’s Fear Street novels and it’s fast-paced with a lot of enjoyably silly melodrama. This is one of those books where no one is who they originally claim to be, including the parents. One could argue that all of the plot contrivances don’t hold together under close scrutiny but Stine keeps the plot moving so quickly and fills the book with so many weird moments that it really doesn’t matter. The book is full of cliffhangers and Stine wisely doesn’t let things like realism get in the way of resolving those cliffhangers. By the time a major supporting character shows up, from out of nowhere, with a gun in order to save the heroic siblings, I was giggling with joy. Seriously, does every resident of Shadyside just happen to have a weapon just casually lying around the house?

Horror Book Review: Into the Dark by R.L. Stine

Posted on October 1, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

First published in 1997, Into the Dark tells the story of Paulette Fox. Paulette has been blind since birth but she hasn’t let that stand in her away. She’s one of the most popular students at Shadyside High. She has two best friends, Jonathan and Cindy, who are devoted to her. She enjoys eating the pizza at Pete’s Pizza, watching silly slasher films with her friends, and taking piano lessons at the Music Academy. And, assuming that she can get her overprotective parents to sign off on it, she’s looking forward to taking self-defense classes.

Best of all, she’s got a boyfriend! Brad has just moved to Shadyside. Like Paulette, Brad loves music and wants to make it his life. Unfortunately, Brad does not come from a rich family so he has to work as a janitor at the Music Academy. Brad seems to be sweet and considerate and he treats Paulette like an adult. Paulette touches his face and discovers that not only is he very handsome but he also a scar on his eyebrow. Scars are sexy!

However, no sooner has Paulette started hanging out with Brad than strange things start to happen to her. Twice, she is nearly run over by a car despite the fact that Paulette is always careful while crossing the street. (The second time, Paulette is convinced that someone pushed her, even though everyone tells her that they didn’t see it happen.) She starts to get weird phone calls. According to Cindy, someone has broken into Paulette’s bedroom and painted all sorts of threatening messages on the wall. Even worse, Brad starts to act strange. Sometimes, he’s the considerate and nice Brad that she wants to date. Other times, he acts possessive and creepy. Her friends tell her that she needs to stay away from Brad, especially after he’s accused of robbing Pete’s Pizza! But Paulette remains convinced that only she can figure out what is truly happening with Brad….

This is an R.L Stine novel so there’s really no way that you won’t guess what the big twist is. In fact, if I remember correctly, it’s a twist that Stine has used in quite a few of his other books. Because I’m a nice reviewer, I will not spoil what the twist is but …. I mean, seriously, you figured it out while reading the previous paragraph, right?

Obviously, Into The Dark won’t win any points for originality but still, as far as the Fear Street books are concerned, Into the Dark is an entertaining and quick read and Paulette is a likable and relatable heroine. Indeed, Stine actually appears to have done some research for this book and the passages where he describes how Paulette navigates every-day life without being able to see ring true. Paulette may be blind but she’s also a typical teenager. It’s easy to roll your eyes when she repeatedly refuses to call the police despite the number of weird things that happen to her but seriously, what teenager wants to call the police for anything? When I was 17, I was woken up by what I thought was the sound of someone breaking into my house and, even though I had a phone and could have easily called the police, I instead grabbed a golf club and walked around the house in my t-shirt and underwear, searching for the thieves. When you’re 17, you think you’re immortal and, even more importantly, you don’t want to have to deal with any authority figures.

(Incidentally, there were no thieves and it was all just my imagination. Yay!)

Finally, who couldn’t relate to Paulette’s confusion about Brad? Sometimes, Brad is extremely nice and caring. Sometimes, Brad is cold and kind of a jerk. That sounds like every guy I knew when I was in high school. Like the best of Stine’s book, Into the Dark works because the reader can relate to it, even if they’ve never lived on Fear Street or been threatened by …. well, I won’t spoil it. But you already figured it out, right?

Novel Review: The Bonfire of the Vanities by Tom Wolfe

Posted on September 25, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

When it comes to The Bonfire of Vanities, after watching the movie and then reading the book about the making of the movie, you might as well order a copy of the original 1987 novel by Tom Wolfe and see where it all started.

At nearly 700 pages, The Bonfire of the Vanities is a big book about New York City in the mid-80s. It’s a book about economics, racism, municipal politics, high society, and what happens when one very privileged person loses everything that he felt defined him. As a writer and a satirist, Wolfe’s described the foibles and the mistakes of the book’s large cast of characters with a definite delight. The reader may end up feeling sorry for stockbroker Sherman McCoy after he is arrested and put on trial for the hit-and-run of a young black teenager but, at no point, does Sherman ever become a truly sympathetic character. As a character, Sherman never has the self-awareness necessary to truly confront his own mistakes and attitudes. Reading the original novel, one realizes just how miscast Tom Hanks was when he was cast in the lead role for the film adaptation. There are many ways to describe the aristocratic, arrogant, and ultimately hapless Sherman McCoy, but he is definitely not Tom Hanks.

Of course, Sherman is not the only character to lack self-awareness. There’s really not a shred of self-awareness to found amongst any of the characters. Both Sherman’s mistress and his wife are more concerned with how the trial is going to effect their social lives. District Attorney Abe Weiss sees the prosecution of McCoy as a way to further his own political career. Assistant District Attorney Jed Kramer finds himself obsessed with one the jurors. Sleazy British journalist Peter Fallow amplifies the more sordid aspects of the story and blithely turns Sherman McCoy into the epitome of everything that everyone hates about the wealthy, with the great irony being that Sherman and his social set have patterned their own social style after their idealized view of the British. The Mayor of New York obsesses over every little slight while a collection of detectives and attorneys do their job with blue collar efficiency and a cast of activists and grifters go out of their way to make headlines and to keep New York on the verge of exploding. In the end, there’s only one truly heroic character in the novel and that’s Judge Myron Kovitsky, a loud and profane New Yorker who rules his courtroom like a benign tyrant but who is the only character who truly cares about seeing justice done. In the end, the book suggests that the price of Kovitsky’s honorable stand will be the loss of his career.

(Kovitsky, the most vividly characterized of the many characters in the novel, was also one of the many characters to be changed for the film, becoming Judge Leonard White, the voice-of-God judge played by Morgan Freeman.)

In the end, the main character of the book really is New York City and Wolfe’s mix of love and disdain for the city comes through in every passage, from the detectives casually cursing around the station house to the waiters who efficiently handle the sudden death of a diner in restaurant to the politicians who hate and fear their own constituents. Reportedly, Wolfe said that the novel was about capturing what New York City was like in the 80s and it’s definitely a novel of that era. At the same time, when I read it in 2021, the story still felt relevant. If anything, it was easy for me to picture Sherman McCoy as one of those people who brags about how they would have voted for Obama a third time while, at the same time, protesting the idea of any sort of affordable housing units being built in his neighborhood. It was easy to imagine Fox and MSNBC and CNN all covering every moment of Sherman McCoy’s trial. It was easy to imagine Peter Fallow showing up on TMZ and it was just as easy to imagine all of Fallow’s articles being breathlessly shared on social media. Reading the novel, it was easy to see that the bonfire is still burning.

2022 In Review: Lisa Marie’s Favorite Novels

Posted on February 1, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Again, as with my non-fiction list, I just wish I had read more last year. Fortunately, this year, I plan to do just that!

The It Girl by Ruth Ware
The Paris Apartment by Lucy Foley
Tracy Flick Can’t Win by Tom Perotta
The Maid by Nita Prose
The Hacienda by Isabel Canas
Heat 2 by Meg Gardiner and Michael Mann
A Flicker in the Dark by Stacy Willingham
House of Hunger by Alexis Henderson
Electric Idol by Katee Robert
It Starts With Us by Colleen Hoover

Be sure to check out my picks for 2021, 2020, 2019, 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, and 2011!

Lisa Marie’s 2022 In Review:

Novel Review: Oath of Office by Steven J. Kirsch

Posted on March 21, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last week, I returned to exploring my aunt’s old collection of paperback books and I read Oath of Office, a political thriller that was originally published way back in 1988.

U.S. Sen. Jonathan Starr has just been elected to the presidency of the United States of America. As the first Jewish person to win the presidency, Starr is set to make history as soon as he’s sworn in. However, there’s a problem. Starr’s been kidnapped! The morning after his upset victory, Starr finds himself in the trunk of a car and later confined to a cell. With no knowledge of who has kidnapped him or what his ultimate fate is going to be, Starr can only wait and have numerous flashbacks to the events that led to him winning the presidency.

Meanwhile, the man that Starr defeated, President Sutherland, is trying to figure out who is behind the kidnapping. Was Starr abducted by the Russians? Or perhaps the kidnapping is the work of one of the Middle Eastern terrorist groups who is trying to thwart Sutherland’s efforts to bring peace to region? Maybe it’s the senator from Texas whose dialogue consists of stuff like, “Ah’ve been workin’ on this deal …. we’ll git it through befo’ the election.” (That’s an actual quote from the book, by the way. It seems like it would have been simpler just to say that the man had an accent but some writers just have to be cute about things.) There’s a lot of possibilities but we know that Starr’s kidnapping was masterminded by an imprisoned mobster, largely because the book tells us early on. I personally would have dragged out the suspense but no matter!

While secret service agent Andy Reynolds is trying to track Starr down, the Speaker of the House is plotting to take power for himself. He and his people have come across what they believe to be a loophole in the Constitution, which will keep the electoral college from being able to vote for either Starr or his running mate. In which case, the Speaker will automatically become president as soon as the incumbent’s term expires. So, yes, this is another political thriller where the plot largely hinges on a reading of the Constitution that any halfway experienced attorney would easily be able to shoot down.

As you can probably guess, this book has its flaws. According to the blurb on the back, this was the author’s first novel and I have no idea if he ever wrote a second one. There are a lot of points in the story that don’t ring true, especially in the flashbacks to Starr’s early political career and the author has a bad habit of telling us things as opposed to showing them. And, of course, there’s that terrible attempt to capture the Texas accent. Don’t even get me started on that.

That said, the idea behind the book is an interesting one. Only two people of Jewish descent have ever been nominated by a major political party. Barry Goldwater was an Episcopalian while Joseph Liebermann found himself being opposed by the anti-Semites in his own party. Of course, neither one of those men made it to the White House. Oath of Office does make an attempt to seriously consider the challenges that would face the first Jewish president and it’s also honest about how anti-Semitism is a prejudice that is often overlooked by even those who brag about their progressive credentials. As I said, the book has an interesting idea but the plot just keeps getting in the way.

Novel Review: The Power of the Dog by Thomas Savage

Posted on January 4, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

If I may be allowed to open with a cliché: “You’ve seen the movie, now read the book!”

I ordered a copy of and read Thomas Savage’s 1967 novel, The Power of the Dog, before the release of Jane Campion’s film adaptation. Hence, when I watched Campion’s film, I already knew about the Burbank Brothers, Bronco Henry, Rose, and Peter Gordon. Neither the film’s big twist nor the diabolically clever ending were quite as much of a shock to me as they apparently were for others, though both were still undeniably effective in both the book and the movie. Campion’s film sticks close to the plot of the book and visually, it captures Thomas Savage’s simple but effective prose.

In case you’ve yet to see the film or read the book, The Power of the Dog takes place in Montana in the 1920s. Phil and George Burbank are brothers. Ever since their parents retired, Phil and George have owned and managed the family ranch. The gentle and kind-natured George has spent almost his entire life allowing himself to be led around by Phil. Phil, meanwhile, has fully embraced the identity of being a tough cowboy and all of the myths that go along with it. He rarely bathes. He makes it a point to castrate all of the cattle personally. He seldom wears gloves, believing the all work should be done bare-handed. He’s dismissive of anyone who he believes has shown any sign of weakness. He’s a bully and a sadist but he’s also an Ivy League graduate who takes pride in his ability to quote Ovid in the original Latin. Phil is brutally dismissive of almost everyone. He only seems to truly care about his brother and the memory of his mentor, the mysterious Bronco Henry. When George meets and marries a widow named Rose, Phil can’t handle it. George is breaking free of Phil’s influence and Phil seeks revenge against Rose, psychologically tormenting her and driving her to drink. When Rose’s son, Peter, arrives at the ranch, Phil initially dismisses Peter as being weak. But, to Rose’s horror, Phil soon starts to take an interest in Peter….

Author Thomas Savage was born in Montana and grew up on his stepfather’s ranch. Savage later said that, much like Peter, he always felt like a misfit on the ranch. His stepfather was a man who was much like Phil Burbank while Savage felt a lot like Peter Gordon. Despite never feeling like he belonged, Savage was still able to use his early experiences as a ranch hand as the inspiration for his first published short stories. Savage went on to write several western novels, many of which dealt with dysfunctional ranch families. Though well-reviewed, The Power of the Dog was not a best seller when it was originally published and even the positive reviews often seemed to wilfully miss the subtext behind Phil’s homophobia and his devotion to the memory of Bronco Henry. In 1967, The Power of the Dog was ahead of its time.

Hopefully, with the release of Campion’s adaptation, the original novel will be read by an entirely new audience. As I mentioned earlier, Campion remains faithful to the book’s plot but there are a few elements in the original novel that will add to one’s understanding of the film. For instance, the book goes into more detail about the history and the culture of the town and it also goes into more details about the ranch’s dealings with the local Native tribes. Whereas both the film and the book present Phil as being a wilfully malicious agent of chaos, the book makes clear that Phil is also a creation of the culture in which he was raised. The book makes clear that, for all of his overt macho energy, Phil still feels like an outsider among even the ranch hands who worship him and that adds an element to his relationship with Peter that is only suggested at in the film.

Perhaps most importantly, the book devotes a chapter to the life of Rose’s first husband and the circumstances that led to his suicide. Rose’s first husband is a doctor who comes to Montana to try to help people but who is slowly destroyed by the town’s apathy. We learn of the argument that led to his suicide and, again, it adds an entirely new element to Phil and Peter’s relationship.

So, if you’ve seen the movie, read the book. Or read the book and then see the movie. They’re both excellent deconstructions of the mythology of the American west.

Lisa Marie’s Top 8 Novels of 2020

Posted on January 29, 2021 by Lisa Marie Bowman

As I said earlier today when I posted my top 8 non-fiction books of the year, I’m disappointed in myself. Considering how much time that I spent at home in 2020, I should have read more books. I should have read every book that I have in the house. That was certainly what I was expecting to happen but, as the lockdown went on and on, a combination of frustration and depressing kicked in and I basically totally lost focus.

So, I didn’t read as much as I should have. But, at least I can say that I did read. To be honest, I imagine that’s more than a lot of other people did. Language is a wonderful thing and it’s dying. Though I may not have read as much as I wanted to, I still read some very good novels over the course of 2020. Listed below are eight of my favorites.

Mexican Gothic by Silvia Moreno-Garcia — This was a wonderfully atmospheric book, one that took all of the traditional gothic elements and imagined them through the prism of Mexican culture and history. This was a wonderful read, both entertaining and thought-provoking. Apparently, it’s being turned into a miniseries for Hulu and I’ll definitely be watching.
The Swap by Robyn Harding — Swapping partners leads to chaos! (Well, yeah.) This is an enjoyable thriller about a drunken night and the drama that follows. The characters are all sharply etched, especially Low, a the manipulative teenager who you’ll kind of sympathize with even when you know you shouldn’t.
The House on Fripp Island by Rebecca Kauffman — Two families share a vacation house on Fripp Island. One family is rich and one family is poor and both families are full of secrets and lies. The House on Fripp Island is the literary equivalent of a good Lifetime film and, if you know how I feel about Lifetime films, then you know that’s a huge compliment. I will also admit that I another reason why I liked this book was because it featured a character named Lisa.
The Sister-in-Law by Sue Watson — Speaking of books that would make a good Lifetime film, The Sister-in-Law is another book about a family at a vacation home. Once again, it’s all about secrets and lies and melodrama and it’s an incredibly fun read.
Regretting You by Colleen Hoover — This book is an examination of the relationship between a overprotective mom and a rebellious daughter. It rang true in all the best ways. I could relate.
The Midnight Library by Matt Haig — Nora is given a chance to see how her life would have turned out if she had made a few different choices. This book made me laugh, it made me cry, and it made me think. This is a perfect read for anyone struggling with regret.
Wild Child by Audrey Carlan — What happens when you combine a serial killer thriller with a romance? You get this well-written and fast-paced book about how Simone goes from nearly being a victim to falling in love with a handsome FBI agent.
Plain Bad Heroines by Emily M. Danforth — Though this book may be a bit overlong at 640 pages, this epic and sprawling novel about love, history, and yellow jackets still held my interest. It’s a challenging and well-written book by the author of The Miseducation of Cameron Post.

TSL Looks Back at 2020:

Book Review: Bob Honey Who Just Do Stuff by Sean Penn

Posted on June 24, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The debut novel of actor Sean Penn, Bob Honey Who Just Do Stuff basically reads as if it was written by someone who read the first thirty pages of Thomas Pynchon’s The Crying of Lot 49 and then thought, “I could do this! How difficult can it be!?” When the book first came out, several critics declared it to be the worst novel ever written but I don’t know if I’d go that far. It may very well be the worst novel of 2018 but it’s not really memorable enough to deserve the grand title of worst ever.

It’s very much a debut novel, which is to say that there’s no plot, all of the characters have cutesy names, and it’s absurdly overwritten. Penn really goes out of his way to let you know that he owns a thesaurus. Making it somehow even more annoying is his habit of using footnotes to explain any word or acronym that he suspects that we, being mere readers, will not be able to understand.

As far as I can tell, each chapter is about whatever Penn was upset about on the day that he wrote it. The first half of the novel is all about Bob Honey making money selling plumbing equipment to Jehovah’s Witnesses and murdering old people because old people take up too much space. Though the entire book takes place in Honey’s mind, we’re never quite sure who Bob Honey is because Sean Penn himself doesn’t seem to know. Penn came up with a silly name and a stupid career and some random quirks and then I presume he forced his friends to read the first few chapters.

“Did you like it?” Penn asked.

“Uhmmm…” his friends replied, “It’s …. uhmmm … interesting….”

“I know! It really is!”

The second half of the book was written after Trump was elected President because Bob Honey suddenly goes from being apolitical and ennui-stricken to suddenly being really pissed off that the country has been taken over by “The Landlord.” Suddenly, Bob Honey is a woke assassin and you get the feeling that if Hillary Clinton had won, Penn never wouldn’t have had any idea how to finish the book. However, since Trump won, the book ends with a lengthy poem in which Penn mentions every political cause that he cares about, along with letting us know that he’s skeptical about #MeToo. Thanks for sharing, Sean.

It’s a strange book because, on the one hand, Penn seems desperate to let us all know how woke and anti-Trump he is but, at the same time, it’s hard to read Bob Honey and not come away with the impression that Sean Penn really doesn’t like, trust, or respect women. Every woman who appears in the book is either ridiculed for being simple-minded or portrayed as being inherently evil. Honey is obsessed with his ex-wife, who drives an ice cream truck, for some reason. I kept expecting some sort of scene between Bob and his ex-wife but no. Instead, Honey just sees her truck and then let’s us know that everything’s basically her fault. It appears that the only reason she’s in the book is so Sean Penn can yell, “Ice cream truck! YOU GET IT!? ICE CREAM TRUCK! SYMBOLISM, YOU RED STATE PHILISTINES!” There is only one vaguely positive female character in the book but she’s only present in flashbacks and Penn spends more time talking about her vagina than her personality. Plus, she’s described as being hairless because … reasons, I guess. The book comes across as if Penn wrote it in between jerking off to his whore/madonna complex.

As I said, there’s really no plot. Bob Honey gets annoyed. A reporter bothers Bob Honey. Bob Honey thinks about how much he hates women. Bob Honey goes to Baghdad during the Iraq War. Bob Honey goes to New Orleans in the aftermath of Katrina. Basically, it’s a tour of places and things that Sean Penn has never experienced but which he has probably considered making a movie about.

(And, to give credit where credit is due, the books reads like something Uwe Boll would have vomited onto the screen.)

Here’s the thing: if you wrote this book, you wouldn’t be able to get it published and people would probably take your obsession with finding a hairless lover as evidence that you should be on a sex offenders list. Because Sean Penn is Sean Penn, he gets his book published and then gets to appears on talk shows to defend the stupid thing. If you’re a real writer (as opposed to someone who just woke up one day and said, “I’m going to write a book!”) and that doesn’t leave you outraged, then you’re not paying attention. Because as bad as Bob Honey is, Sean Penn’s second novel will probably be published as well. While you’re working hard on a fourth rewrite, Sean Penn will be appearing on Colbert and promoting Bob Honey Who Just Do Stuff Part 2.

A lot of people have held up Bob Honey as evidence of Sean Penn’s stupidity. I don’t think he’s so much stupid as he’s just insecure. A common theme when it comes to anything that Sean Penn does appears to be a desire to be known as more than just a good actor. As a result, Penn directs overwrought movies that take themselves too seriously. (I mean, I liked Into the Wild but, even while watching that film, it seemed like a minor miracle that Penn restrained his instinct toward pretension just enough not to blow it.) He goes on talk shows and insists that, despite all evidence to the contrary, Hugo Chavez was a great guy and people in Venezuela are really, really happy. He takes it upon himself to let Oscar viewers know that “Jude Law is one of our finest actors” and he sends angry, profane notes to the creators of South Park. And, of course, he ends up writing books like Bob Honey Who Just Do Stuff. “Look, world,” Penn seems to be shouting with all of this, “I’m complicated! There’s more to me than you think!”

And you have to wonder: why not just take joy in being really, really good at what you actually can do? Sean Penn’s performance in Milk probably did more for the cause of human rights than any book he could ever write or speech he could ever give. And yet, apparently, that’s not enough.

We need good actors who are willing to give performances in films that might otherwise not get made without a “name” in the cast.

We don’t need a sequel to Bob Honey.

Hopefully, Sean Penn will rediscover his love of acting before writing one.

2016 in Review: Lisa Marie’s 20 Favorite Novels of 2016

Posted on January 13, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Right now, I’m in the process of taking a look back at some of my favorite things from the previous year. Yesterday, I posted a list of my favorite non-fiction books of 2016. Today, I post my 20 favorite novels!

All of these are worth reading and in fact, I insist that you do. Let’s enjoy the written word while we can because, sadly, the future holds only illiteracy and propaganda.