Spring Breakdown: The Sand (dir by Isaac Gabaef)

Posted on March 3, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The 2015 horror film, The Sand, is the movie that asks, “What would you do if the beach was literally eating you?”

The answer, to judge from this film, is “Die.”

I mean, seriously, think about it. If you’re on the beach and you’re still hungover from the night before and your friend is like literally trapped inside of a trash can (and yes, that does happen in this movie), then you’re pretty much screwed if the sand suddenly decides to start ripping apart your body. I mean, that’s one thing about the beach. There’s a lot of sand. The sand has the advantage.

Of course, despite the title of this movie, it’s not really the beach that’s eating people. Instead, it turns out that some sort of previously unknown sea serpent hatched out of an egg in the middle of the night and burrowed under the sand. We don’t learn much about the serpent, other than it has tentacles and it apparently injects a numbing poison into your body before killing you. That leads to a lot of scenes of people sinking into the sand while screaming, “I’ve gone numb! I can’t feel anything!” I can’t remember if anyone in the film actually yells, “The sand’s got me!” It seems like a missed opportunity if they didn’t.

This is one of those movies that opens with a big spring break party, which means booze, lost bikini tops, and drunken hook-ups in the lifeguard tower. As I mentioned before, it also means that one unfortunate fellow ends up getting tossed into a trash can, where he promptly gets stuck. Making things even worse is that his friends use a felt tip marker to draw a penis on his face. He’s definitely not going to die a dignified death. That’s just the way things go when the beach turns on you.

The next morning, a few people wake up and discover that almost everyone else from the party has disappeared. That probably has something do with the fact that only a few people were smart enough to fall asleep somewhere other than on the sand. So, you’ve got one couple in a lifeguard station. And then you’ve got four people in a car. And then you’ve got the poor guy in the trashcan. They’ve got to figure out how to get to safety without getting eaten by the beach.

They also have to work out their own personal issues. For instance, one of the girls in the car cheated with the girl in the station’s boyfriend and the boyfriend happens to be in the car so there’s a lot of scenes of people apparently forgetting that they’re on the verge of dying so that they can argue about who cheated first. It gets kind of annoying. I would put all that personal stuff to the side if I was trying to figure out how not to get eaten on the beach.

(Actually, I probably wouldn’t. Sometimes, personal drama just can’t wait. But then again, I’d never survive a horror film….)

On the plus side, The Sand doesn’t take itself seriously at all. It knows that it’s a ludicrous, low-budget horror film and it doesn’t pretend to be anything other than what it is. Jamie Kennedy shows up as a fascist beach patrol guy. When he’s told that his shoes are the only thing that’s dissuading the beach from eating him, he promptly takes his shoes off. He’s an idiot. Everyone in the movie is an idiot. But the movie understand that they’re all idiots and it plays up the fact because it understands that everyone watching is going to be on the side of the monster under the sand. GO, MONSTER, GO!

So, I guess my point is that The Sand is what it is. It knows its audience and it goes out of its way fulfill their expectations and you always have to give credit to a film that understands both its strengths and its limitations. If you want to watch a bunch of unlikable college students get eaten by the beach, have had it. This film has what you’re looking for.

Scenes That I Love: Jean Harlow in Red-Headed Woman

Posted on March 3, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today would have been Jean Harlow’s 109th birthday so today’s scene that I love comes from one of her best films. In the 1932 film, Red-Headed Woman, Jean Harlow plays Lil. Lil is determined to get ahead in society. In fact, she’ll do just about anything to make it happen. Fortunately, this is a pre-code film, which means that Lil not only gets to stand up for herself and nearly kill a man but she also doesn’t get punished for it. Just a few years later, after the production code went into effect, there was no way that Hollywood would have allowed Lil a happy ending. The culture had changed and people were a lot more judgmental. Thanks a lot, FDR.

In this scene, Lil gets drunk and confronts her married lover (Chester Morris), who also happens to be her boss. Playing Lil’s best friend and usually unsuccessful voice of reason is Una Merkel.

Jean Harlow was only 26 years old when she died but she lives forever as one of the great screen icons. And did you know that she wrote a book? It’s true! Of course, it wasn’t published until nearly three decades after her death but still!

Here’s the scene from Red-Headed Woman, which has both a great title and a great star!

Spring Breakdown: The Ghost In the Invisible Bikini (dir by Don Weis)

Posted on March 2, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The 1966 film, The Ghost In The Invisible Bikini, asks the question, “What can you do if you want to have a beach party but you don’t have a beach?”

The answer: “Find a pool!”

Seriously, a pool is just as good as a beach and fortunately, Chuck (Tommy Kirk) has a pool where his friends can hang out and listen as Vicki (Nancy Sinatra) sings a song. It’s in a big old mansion and hey, it might be haunted. It used to belong to Hiram Stokeley (Boris Karloff) and he’s dead now so he certainly won’t mind, right?

Well, what if he’s not dead!?

Oh wait, actually, he is dead. But he’s still hanging around. It turns out that he needs to do at least one good deed in order to get into Heaven. (Isn’t starring in Frankenstein enough? I mean, c’mon…..) It also turns that Hiram only has 24 hours to do that good deed or it’s off to Hell for him. Maybe he could figure out a way to help Chuck and his family win his fortune! Hiram enlists the help of his long-dead girlfriend, Cecily (Susan Hart). Cecily, we are told, is wearing an invisible bikini but we just have to take the film’s word on that because it’s invisible and, seeing as how Cecily’s a ghost, it’s always possible that only reason she’s transparent is because she’s a spirit. I mean, seriously, who knows how ghosts work?

Anyway, it’s not going to be easy for Hiram and Cecily to ensure that Chuck inherits that fortune, largely because Chuck and all of his friends are idiots. The other problem is that Reginald Ripper (Basil Rathbone), Hiram’s lawyer, is determined to win that money for himself and, if you have any doubt that he’s a bad dude, just check out his name. GOOD PEOPLE ARE NOT NAMED REGINALD RIPPER! Fortunately, even though Reginald graduated from law school and is played by Basil freaking Rathbone, he’s still an idiot and he comes up with the stupidest plan possible to get Chuck and friends out of the house.

He’s going to make them think that it’s haunted!

(But it is haunted….)

Reginald’s plan is to have his evil associates, J. Sinister Hulk (Jesse White), Chicken Feather (Benny Rubin), and Princess Yolanda (Bobbi Shaw), pretend to be monsters and ghosts in order to scare all of the teens out of the house. He also enlists his daughter, Sinistra (Quinn O’Hara), to help but Sinistra isn’t really bad. She’s just extremely near-sighted and someone thought it would be a good idea to name her Sinistra.

And then the bikers show up! This is one of AIP’s beach party films so, of course, there are bikers. Eric von Zipper (Harvey Lembeck) shows up and pretends to be Marlon Brando in The Wild One. Of course, at the time this film was made, the real Marlon Brando was filming Arthur Penn’s The Chase so I’m going to guess that Harvey Lembeck probably had more fun pretending to be Brando than Brando was having being himself….

Anyway, this is a stupid movie even by the standards of the AIP beach party films. It’s also notably disjointed. That probably has something to do with the fact that Karloff and Susan Hart weren’t actually added to the film until after the movie had already been shot. Apparently, AIP felt that the first cut of the movie was missing something so they said, “Let’s toss in a little Karloff!” Of course, Boris Karloff was such an old charmer that it doesn’t matter that he doesn’t ever really interact with anyone other than Susan Hart over the course of the film. You’re just happy to see him.

So yeah, technically, this is not a good film but, at the same time, you kind of know what you’re getting into when you watch a movie called The Ghost In The Invisible Bikini. The jokes fall flat. The songs are forgettable. But the whole thing is such a product of its time that it’s always watchable from an anthropological perspective. Add to that, you get Boris Karloff and Basil Rathbone, doing what they had to do to pay the bills and somehow surviving with their dignity intact. Good for them.

Spring Breakdown: The Beach Bum (dir by Harmony Korine)

Posted on March 1, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

February is over! Welcome to March!

Now, the first two weeks of March is, traditionally, when most schools give their students a week off for Spring Break. I have a lot of good Spring Break memories and, to be honest, I’ve always kind of resented the fact that Spring Break is something that only schools do. To me, it should be like a national holiday where everything stops for a week and everyone hangs out at the beach for a few days.

Of course, this year’s Spring Break may be a bit of a disappointment, what with everyone freaking out about …. well, everything. That’s a shame but fear not! You may not be able to leave behind your fears long enough to go down to the beach but at least you can still watch movies about the beach, right? So, with that in mind, over the next two weeks, I will be reviewing some films for Spring Break!

It’s time for Spring Breakdown!

Let’s get things started with the 2019 film, The Beach Bum.

The beach bum of the title is an always stoned, alcoholic poet named Moondog (Matthew McConaughey), who spends his time wandering around the Florida Keys. Moondog has been working on a book for several years and he’s a bit of a local celebrity. Everyone that he meets tends to like him, or at least they do until he ruins their lives. Moondog is irresponsible, immature, and apparently some sort of genius as well. Moondog is also extremely laid back. Even when he finds out that his wife, Minnie (Isla Fisher), cheated on him with his best friend, a singer named Lingerie (Snoop Dogg), Moondog is okay with it. He’s always loved Minnie but he’s never had a problem cheating on her so why shouldn’t she do the same to him?

After Moondog shows up late for his daughter’s wedding and goes out of his way to make a scene, he goes for a drive with Minnie. Of course, since Moondog is drunk off his ass, he ends up crashing the car and killing his wife. In her will, Minnie leaves half of her fortune to their daughter, Heather (Stefania LaVie Owen). She leaves the other half to Moondog, with the stipulation that Moondog will only get the money after he finishes his book.

The rest of the film follows, in an episodic fashion, Moondog as he tries to finish his book and get his money. Along the way, he commits crimes, dabbles with various jobs, and spends time in jail and drug rehab. He meets a host of eccentric and destructive characters, almost all of who are the type of outsiders who seem as if they’re destined to eventually be the subject of a “Florida man” headline. For instance, Flicker (Zac Efron) is a pyromaniac. And Captain Wack (Martin Lawrence) hosts dolphin tours but, unfortunately, cannot tell the difference between a dolphin and a shark.

When The Beach Bum was first released in March of last year, it was eagerly anticipated because it was Harmony Korine’s first film since 2012’s Spring Breakers. Despite the fact that Spring Breakers and The Beach Bum both take place in Florida and feature a lot of beach action, the two films might as well be taking place in separate universes. The Beach Bum is as laid back as Spring Breakers was violent. If Spring Breakers was a film that seemed to be fueled by ecstasy and cocaine, The Beach Bum is a celebration of getting high and enjoying life. If Spring Breakers was all about being young, The Beach Bum is about growing old without giving up your individuality.

In many ways, The Beach Bum is the ultimate Matthew McConaughey film and how you react to the film will depend on how much tolerance you have for Matthew McConaughey at his most McConaugheyest. Indeed, if you like Moondog, it’ll probably be because you like Matthew McConaughey. As a character, Moondog is a jerk. He nearly ruins his daughter’s wedding. He drives drunk and kills his wife. He refuses to take responsibility for being a general fuck-up and, from what little we hear of his work, he appears to be a subpar poet as well. And yet, Matthew McConaughey brings enough of his own natural charm to the role that it’s tempting to forgive Moondog. You can understand why some people in the film are willing to tolerate him, even though he’s basically a pain in the ass to have around.

The Beach Bum is not a film for everyone. I appreciated Matthew McConaughey’s performance and I also appreciated the fact that Harmony Korine didn’t try to remake Spring Breakers. At the same time, the film was a bit too loosely constructed to really hold my interest and a little bit of Moondog goes a long way. I saw this film last year and I’ve really had no desire to rewatch it. That said, the cinematography frequently makes Florida looks like the most beautiful place on Earth and, regardless of what you may think about his poetry, at least Moondog just keeps on L-I-V-I-N, livin’.

Add to that, Moondog’s going to enjoy Spring Break, no doubt about it.

Scenes That I Love: The Samurai Fight From Sucker Punch (Happy Birthday, Zack Snyder!)

Posted on March 1, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today is Zack Snyder’s birthday!

To say that Zack Snyder is a controversial filmmaker would be an understatement. People seem to either love his ultrastylish films or they hate them. Myself, I was not a fan of Man of Steel and I’m still laughing about the “Why did you say Martha!?” scene from Batman v Superman. At the same time, I also think that Zack Snyder is responsible for one of the greatest (and most underrated) films of the past ten years, 2011’s Sucker Punch. Though the film may be under appreciated today, Sucker Punch is one of those films that’s destined to eventually be rediscovered and appreciated by a new generation of film students.

In fact, you can start appreciating it now by reading my review from 2011. This was one of the first big reviews that I ever wrote for this site and, along with my Black Swan review, it’s one of the reviews that really set the tone for the future of the Shattered Lens.

And, after you’ve read the review, check out this scene that I love. From Sucker Punch, it’s Babydoll’s battle with the giant samurai. Like almost all great action movie scenes, it’s both ludicrous and brilliant at the same time.

Love on the Shattered Lens: Splendor in the Grass (dir by Elia Kazan)

Posted on February 28, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

What though the radiance which was once so bright

Be now for ever taken from my sight,

Though nothing can bring back the hour

Of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower;

We will grieve not, rather find

Strength in what remains behind…

— “Ode: Intimations of Immortality from Recollections of Early Childhood” by William Wordsworth

The 1962 film, Splendor in the Grass, takes place in Kansas shortly before the start of the Great Depression. Deanie (Natalie Wood) and Bud (Warren Beatty) are two teenagers in love but, as we learn, youthful love does not always translate into adult happiness.

Bud and Deanie are idealistic and in love but they’re from different social classes. Bud is the son of a boisterous oilman named Ace (Pat Hingle) and Ace acts much like you would expect a millionaire named Ace to behave. Bud’s parents are determined that he attend Yale and that he marry someone else from a wealthy family. They don’t want him to turn out like his older sister, Ginny (Barbara Loden), who drinks, smokes, and is rumored to have recently had an abortion. Meanwhile, Deanie is repeatedly told by her mother that she must always remain a “good girl” and not give in to the temptation to have premarital sex with either Bud or any other boy. If she does, she’ll be forever branded a bad girl and she’ll pretty much end up with a reputation like Ginny’s.

(Interestingly enough, Ace doesn’t have any problem with Bud finding himself a bad girl, nor does he have a problem with taking his son to a speakeasy later in the film. As far as society in concerned, being “good” and following the rules only applies to women.)

Needless to say, things don’t work out well for either Deanie or Bud. Bud is so frustrated that Deanie won’t have sex with him that he dumps her and then has the first of several breakdowns. When Deanie’s attempt to win Bud back by acting more like Ginny fails, she ends up going out with a classmate named Toots Tuttle (Gary Lockwood). Nothing good ever comes from going out on a date with someone named Toots Tuttle. That’s certainly the case here as Deanie and Bud both struggle with the demands of a hypocritical society that expects and encourages Bud to behave in a certain way but which also condemns Deanie for having desires of her own. And, of course, the entire time that Bud and Deanie’s drama is playing out, we’re aware that the clock is ticking and soon the stock market is going to crash and change everyone’s lives forever.

It’s kind of a depressing film, to be honest. I’ve always found it to be rather sad. When we first meet them, Deanie and Bud seem as if they’re perfect for each other but, throughout the entire film, the world seems to be conspiring to keep them apart. By the end of the film, they’ve both found a kind of happiness but we’re painfully aware that it’s not the happiness that either one was expecting while they were still in school. The film suggests that type of happiness might be impossible to attain and a part of growing up is realizing that there is no such thing as perfection. Instead, there’s just making the best of wherever you find yourself.

There’s a scene in this film where Natalie Wood nearly drowns and it always freaks me out, both because of my own fear of drowning and the fact that it foreshadows what would eventually happen to Natalie in 1982. (The fact that Natalie Wood and Robert Wagner’s yacht was called “Splendour” doesn’t help.) Natalie herself was also deeply scared of drowning and just filming the scene undoubtedly took a lot of courage on Natalie’s part. But then again, Natalie Wood’s entire performance is courageous. Natalie Wood gives an emotional and intense performance as Deanie, holding nothing back and it’s impossible not to get emotional while watching her. Making his film debut, Warren Beatty is a bit of a stiff as Bud, though he’s certainly handsome and you can tell why Deanie would have found him attractive. (In high school, you always assume that the boring, handsome guys actually have more depth than they let on.) By the end of the film, you understand that Deanie deserved better than Bud. Then again, Deanie deserved better than just about everything life had to offer her. But Deanie survived and endured and made the best of what she was given because, really, what else could she had done? What other choice did she have?

For her performance in Splendor in the Grass, Natalie Wood received her second Oscar nomination for Best Actress. She lost to Sophia Loren for Two Women and …. well, actually, Loren deserved the award. But so did Wood. 1961 would have been a great year for a tie.

4 Shots From 4 Ania Pieroni Films: Inferno, The House By The Cemetery, Tenebre, Fracchia vs Dracula

Posted on February 28, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today is the birthday of Italian actress Ania Pieroni.

You may not recognize the name but, if you’re a fan of Italian horror, chances are that you’ve seen Ania Pieroni at least once. Even though she only has 11 credits listed on the imdb and apparently made her last film over 30 years ago, Ania Pieroni achieved screen immortality by playing key roles in three of the greatest Italian films ever made.

In Dario Argento’s Inferno, she was the first actress to play the mysterious Mother of Tears.

In Lucio Fulci’s The House By The Cemetery, she played the mysterious housekeeper and nanny who, in one of the film’s most memorable scenes, nonchalantly mops up a huge pool of blood before subsequently losing her head in the house’s basement.

And then, in Argento’s Tenebre, she played the unfortunate shoplifter who pays a steep price for not paying for Peter Neal’s latest novel.

Today, the Shattered Lens wishes a happy birthday to Ania Pieroni with….

4 Shots From 4 Films

Inferno (1980, dir by Dario Argento)

The House By The Cemetery (1981, dir by Lucio Fulci)

Tenebre (1982, dir by Dario Argento)

Fracchia vs Dracula (1985, dir by Neri Parenti)

Scenes That I Love: An American In Paris (Happy Birthday, Vincente Minnelli)

Posted on February 28, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today is the 117th birthday of the great director, Vincente Minnelli!

While Minnelli actually made films in several different genres, he’s best remembered for his many musicals. It’s been said that Minnelli was one of the directors for whom technicolor was invented and his musicals certainly prove the truth of that statement. Minnelli made films that not only celebrated music and dancing but which left audiences wanting to sing and dance themselves.

Several of Minnelli’s films were honored by the Academy. Two of his films won the Oscar for Best Picture and today’s scene that we love comes from the first one to do so, 1951’s An American In Paris. In this scene …. well, the why is not important. What’s important is the way the Gene Kelly and Leslie Caron move and the way that Minnelli captures and celebrates every movement.

Enjoy this scene from An American In Paris!

Love on the Shattered Lens: Barefoot In The Park (dir by Gene Saks)

Posted on February 27, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The 1967 film, Barefoot in the Park, tells the story of two newlyweds.

Paul Bratter (Robert Redford) may have a terrible last name (seriously, Bratter?) but he’s an up-and-coming lawyer with a bright future. He’s a little bit uptight and doesn’t seem to have the greatest understanding of human nature but he’s handsome and he’s charming and he means well. Paul has just recently married Corie (Jane Fonda). Corie is a free spirit who cringes at the idea of conformity. Having been raised by a judgmental mother who has always told her that she will never be good enough to make it on her own, Corie has decided to murder Paul and steal all of his money by insisting that they live in a drafty apartment that’s on the fifth floor of an New York apartment building that doesn’t have an elevator. If climbing up the stairs doesn’t kill Paul, the fact that the skylight has hole in it probably will. Helping Corie with her plan is her eccentric neighbor, Victor Velasco (Charles Boyer). When Paul comes home one day to discover Victor lifting up his lingerie-clad wife, Victor says, “We are heating up the apartment.” Corie assures Paul that they’re just trying to get the radiator to start working but we know the truth….

Okay, that’s actually the Lifetime version of Barefoot in the Park. The real Barefoot in the Park is a charming, lighter-than-light adaptation of Neil Simon’s famous play. (If I’m biased towards the play, it’s because I once played Corie in a heavily edited version of the play that we put on in high school. I was the perfect Corie, if I may say so myself.) As played by Robert Redford, Paul is charming but uptight and, as played by Jane Fonda, Corie is a free spirit who doesn’t really seem to have much common sense about the realities of living in New York City. (Running barefoot in Central Park? Probably not a good idea in 1967.) They do end up living on the fifth floor and there are a lot of jokes (in fact, there’s probably too many jokes) about people getting out of breath from having to climb all of the stairs. There’s also a broken skylight, which is a problem since it snows in New York. However, Corie never deliberately plots to kill Paul. Instead, she tries to set her mom (played, in an Oscar-nominated performance, by Mildred Natwick) up with Victor.

Barefoot in the Park is probably one of those films that seemed semi-daring when it was originally released in 1967 (“Look! A honeymoon sex joke! Look! Corie’s walking around in Paul’s shirt! Look! Paul looks like he’s about to say a forbidden word!”) but today, it seems like an old-fashioned but likable fantasy about what’s like to be a newlywed in New York. The city’s beautiful and full of romance. The dialogue is witty and zippy. (Zippy’s a word, isn’t it?) Charles Boyer overacts in the most charming way possible and Mildred Natwick has some good moments as Corie’s mom. (To appreciate Natwick’s peformance, it helps to imagine what the film would have been like if Shelley Winters had played the role.) Most importantly, Robert Redford and Jane Fonda have got an amazing chemistry and, as they were both young in 1967 and considerably less weather-beaten than they are today, it’s hard to imagine a more beautiful couple. Though Gene Saks’s direction is visually flat and, cinematically, the film never quite breaks out of its stage-bound origins, the chemistry of Redford and Fonda and Boyer and Natwick carry you through the occasional rough patch.

Seriously, I kind of love this movie!

4 Shots From 4 Elizabeth Taylor Films: A Place In The Sun, Suddenly Last Summer, Boom!, Night Watch

Posted on February 27, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

4 Shots From 4 Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!

Today is the birthday of one of the greatest films stars ever, Elizabeth Taylor! And you know what that means. It’s time for….

4 Shots From 4 Elizabeth Taylor Films