Tag Archives: movie

What Lisa Watched Last Night #59: Dead Season (dir by Adam Deyoe)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Okay, I know what you’re going to say.  “Hey, Bowman, Dead Season was just on the SyFy network a few hours ago.  What’s up with this last night crap?”  Well, it’s true that I did watch Dead Season from 8 to 10 on Saturday night.  It’s also true that,  as I sit here starting this review, it is a few minutes passed midnight.  In other words, it is now Sunday and therefore, I can truthfully say that I watched Dead Season last night.

Seriously, people, work with me here.

Why Was I Watching It?

Tonight, as far as watching a movie on television was concerned, I had two options.  I could have either watched Elf on ABC or I could have watched Dead Season on SyFy.  I ended up going with Dead Season because I’ve already seen Elf a few thousand times and I know that I’ll probably end up watching it again on Christmas Eve with my sisters.  Plus, watching a bad movie on SyFy (and writing about it on twitter while doing so) has become something of a Saturday night tradition for me.

What Was It About?

(Minor Spoilers Below)

Your guess is as good as mine.

Seriously, Dead Season generated a near record number of tweets last night and the majority of those tweets were some variation of “WTF!?”  I somehow managed to pay attention to the entire film and I’m still not 100% sure what I saw.  However, here’s my interpretation of the film’s plot:

The zombie apocalypse has hit.  All across the world, the dead are wandering around and eating people.  The few remaining living humans spend their time listening to vinyl records and talking to each other via short wave radio.  If I sound a little bit confused, that’s because the first few minutes of the film is narrated by a guy who is using one of those radios and appears to be exclusively broadcasting on the static channel.

Elvis (Scott Peat) is a doctor who meets a woman named Tweeter (Marissa Merrill).  Tweeter has a kid with her who might be her son but then again, he might not be.  Actually, it’s probably best just to pretend like the kid isn’t in the film.  That’s what we did on twitter.

Eventually, Elvis and Tweeter set sail on a boat and they end up on some jungle island off of South America.  The jungle is full of zombies but luckily, they come across a compound that’s run by Kurt Conrad (James C. Burns).  Kurt has a collection of soldiers, a small harem of concubines, and a daughter (Corsica Williams) who hasn’t left her room in 10 months.

Kurt welcomes Elvis and Tweeter into the compound.  Tweeter starts to bond with Kurt’s daughter while Elvis discovers that his new job is to be both the camp’s doctor and the camp’s cook.  Apparently, Kurt’s a cannibal and eats other survivors.  Elvis is reluctant to take part but Kurt tells him, “I’ve seen you walk in the darkness.”

Meanwhile, Tweeter comes across a bunch of home movies, which she watches while Elvis and Kurt debate the morality of the zombie apocalypse.

And then some other stuff happens.

Again, your opinion of what happened in the film might differ.

What Worked?

While we were talking about the movie on twitter, my friends and I agreed that absolutely nothing worked.  Seriously.  At one point, #deadseason actually became a trending topic and I felt the need to issue an apology to anyone who might end up watching the film as a result.

That said, with the hindsight the comes from three hours of contemplation, I can now say that — despite the fact that their characters were kinda annoying — both Scott Peat and Marissa Merril did about as well as they could with the material that they were given to work with.

What Did Not Work?

Good Lord, where to begin?

Storywise, the film felt like a total rip-off of The Walking Dead.  However, after doing a little research on the imdb, it appears that this film was actually in production before The Walking Dead even premiered.  That said, it was still impossible to watch the film and not unfavorably compare it to The Walking Dead.  The zombies are even called “walkers” at several points.

Technically, the film is a mess.  This is one of those films where various members of the camera crew make cameo appearances.  Most noticeably, the film has one of the most out-of-control, garbled sound tracks that I’ve ever heard.  One conversation between Kurt and Elvis was literally unintelligible because of the overpowering sound of chirping crickets.

Finally, this is one of those zombie films where people are constantly getting blood splashed all over their clothes but yet they never seem to consider changing outfits.  Seriously, I would hate it if I got blood all over the only shirt I had bothered to bring to the zombie apocalypse.  Tweeter spends the first third of the film in a blood drenched shirt and, despite the fact that she’s on a boat and surrounded by water, it never seems to occur to her to try to wash the blood off.  Honestly, after spending a week in a blood-covered shirt, I’m just going to take it off.  I don’t care who sees my boobs.

Admittedly, I am a bit of a clean freak but surely, I’m not alone in this.

“Oh my God!  Just like me!” Moments

If there’s one rule that I learned from zombie films and that I live by, it’s that you should always be sure to pack an extra lacy black bra in case of a zombie apocalypse.  Tweeter, as is revealed several times during the film, agrees with me.

Lessons Learned:

I didn’t learn a damn thing.  So there.

What Lisa Marie Watched Last Night #58: The 12 Disasters of Christmas (dir by Steven R. Monroe)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I got into the holiday spirit by watching a SyFy original movie called The 12 Disasters of Christmas.

Why Was I Watching It?

Because it was on SyFy, it was called 12 Disasters of Christmas, and it looked like it would be a fun film to live tweet on twitter.

What Was It About?

The Mayans were right!  That’s right, it’s December 21st and the world is about to end.  Coincidentally, it’s also the birthday of this girl named Jacey.  She lives in the Canadian town of Calvary.  Her father is named Joseph, her mother is named Mary, and her younger brother is named Peter.  According to her crazy neighbor, Grant (who I’m sure we all remember from the Gospel of St. Grant), Jacey is also the chosen one.

What does being the chosen one mean?  It means that whenever you’re near one of the five rings that can save the world, you start to have the worst cramps ever!  Seriously, being the chosen one sucks.

Anyway, Grant explains that the 12 Days of Christmas is actually an adaptation of a Mayan song that tells about the 12 world-ending disasters that’ll occur on Jacey’s birthday.  So, it’s up to Jacey and Joseph to find those five rings before the 12th disaster.  Unfortunately, there’s a villainous businessman named Kane who is convinced that if he sacrifices Jacey, the world will be saved.

So, once again, the fate of the world is in the hands of a bunch of Canadians.

What Worked?

First off, 12 Disasters of Christmas has got to be one of the best titles in the history of cinema.  SyFy films generate a lot of tweets but I think that 12 Disasters of Christmas set a record.  Everyone wanted to see what this movie was about.

This was a fun movie to live tweet.  The plot was ludicrous, there was rarely a dull moment, and the actors played their roles with just the right blend of melodrama and humor.  This is one of those films that was made to be watched as part of a communal experience.

On twitter, we had a lot of fun picking up all the references to Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, previous SyFy films, and the Bible.  Especially the Bible.  For once, I was able to put all of those old catechism class lessons to good use.

What Did Not Work?

On Twitter, we were all a bit confused as to what this movie defined as being a “disaster” and what was just something sucky that happened.  For instance, was it one of the disasters when the Christmas tree lights went crazy and caused one of the characters to explode?  Or was it just something sucky that happened?  While the film certainly had every right to remain ambiguous on this point, it still didn’t change the fact that we all tuned in to see 12 (and exactly 12) disasters of Christmas.  By my count, the film only featured 10 disasters of Christmas but again, it all depends on how you define disaster.

While I appreciated all of the biblical names, I think the filmmakers missed a big opportunity by not featuring any characters named Gabriel, Pilate, Salome, Martha,  Luke, Barnabas, Timothy, or James.

While this certainly cannot be blamed on the film or the filmmakers, there was a lot of hashtag confusion on Twitter with as many as three different hashtags being used during the viewing of the film.  Some people used the #12DisastersofChristmas hashtag.  Some went with the simpler #12Disasters.  Others used #SyFyMovies.  And some people — like me — used all three!

Eventually, #12DisastersofChristmas became a trending topic and was hijacked by people looking for an excuse to discuss terrible things that had happened them on Christmas.  That got kinda old kinda fast.

“OMG!  JUST LIKE ME!” Moments

Whenever Jacey was about to have to do something unpleasant, she got the most dramatic cramps imaginable and got out of doing it.  I used to do the same thing to get out of gym class.

Lessons Learned

The Mayans had a twisted sense of humor.  Seriously, way to ruin 2012 for everyone!

The New York Film Critics Circle Has Spoken

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Zero Dark Thirty

Yesterday, the New York Film Critics Circle weighed in on the Oscar race.  The NYFCC is one of the oldest and most respected of the professional critic organizations.  As far as the state of the Oscar race is concerned, the NYFCC actually wields some influence.  In other words, the NYFCC help to build the bandwagon that all the other little toadsuckers will eventually jump on.

Here are the winners:

Best Picture: Zero Dark Thirty

Best Director: Kathryn Bigelow, Zero Dark Thirty

Best Actor: Daniel Day-Lewis, Lincoln

Best Actress: Rachel Weisz, The Deep Blue Sea

Best Supporting Actor: Matthew McConaughey, Bernie and Magic Mike

Best Supporting Actress: Sally Field, Lincoln

Best Screenplay: Tony Kushner for Lincoln

Best Cinematography: Greg Fraiser, Zero Dark Thirty

Best Foreign Language Film: Amour

Best Animated Film: Frankenweenie

Best Documentary: The Central Park Five

On a personal note, I apologize for the delay in getting these results posted to the site.  However, last night, I was pretty busy teaching my very first dance class.  Yay me!

What Lisa Marie Watched Last Night #57: Dragon Wasps (dir by Joe Knee)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I turned on the SyFy Network and, along with about 50 other people on twitter, I watched a little film called Dragon Wasps.

Dragon WaspsWhy Was I Watching It?

The movie was on the SyFy network and it was called Dragon Wasps.  Speaking for myself, I hate and fear wasps but I love dragons and I’ve got several kimonos to prove it.   Seriously, how could I not watch this film?

What Was It About?

A scientist named Gina (Dominika Juillet) goes to Brazil to search for her missing father and manages to convince a group of soldiers led by Corin Nemec to help her look.  This, of course, eventually leads to everyone getting captured by a bunch of drug smugglers led by a guy named Jaguar.  Eventually, about halfway through the film, the Dragon Wasps finally show up and it turns out that the best way to protect yourself from a giant, fire-breathing wasp is to rub cocaine all over your skin.

Oh, and did you know that baby dragon wasps can climb into your ear and make your head explode?  Because they so totally can!

It’s kind of a weird movie.

What Worked?

The dragon wasps were pretty neat and whenever they were buzzing across the screen and breathing fire on the people below, the film worked.

What Did Not Work?

Unfortunately, the dragon wasps only got about 15 minutes of screen time.  The rest of the movie dealt with the Gina and her friend Rhonda wandering through the jungles of Brazil in their Ugg boots and claiming that the best way to repel an insect is to smell like a dead insect.  We were dubious about that claim on twitter so I did a Google search and it turns out that is actually true.  It says a lot of about this film that I originally assumed that it must be false just because I heard about it from Gina and Rhonda.

“OH MY GOD!  Just like me!” Moment

At one point, Corin Nemec orders Gina to steal a lot of explosives from Jaguar’s drug compound.  Gina does so but once they get to the Dragon Wasp Nest, they discover that Gina accidentally grabbed several packets of cocaine.

“It’s not my fault!” Gina exclaims, “C4 and cocaine look exactly alike!”

A lot of people might make fun of this scene but I have a feeling that I would do the exact same thing.

Lessons Learned

C4 and cocaine look exactly alike.

A Blast From The Past: Curious Alice (1968)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

So, early this morning, Jeff and I went down to the AMC Valley View, located at Valley View Mall in Dallas, Texas.  We went down there so that we could see the new Brad Pitt film, Killing Them Softly.  I was really looking forward to seeing this film because I’ve read several positive reviews and, after taking most of November off, I’m ready to get back to my usual routine of reviewing several films  a week.  Killing Them Softly seemed like the perfect film for me to begin my December review cycle with.

Unfortunately, within minutes of us taking out seats in the theater, an alarm suddenly went off, the lights started to flash, and an automated voice ordered us to not only leave the theater but do so in an orderly fashion as well.

Yes, that’s right.  Somebody pulled a fire alarm and, as a result, no one got to see a movie at Valley View this morning.  Jeff and I were given two re-admit passes for our trouble.

(On the plus side, the entire staff of AMC Valley View handled the situation calmly and professionally and, if you’re reading this AMC CEO, they all deserve a huge raise.)

Now, at first, we thought we’d just hang out around the theater until the next showing of Killing Them Softly.  In between people watching with Jeff and updating my Facebook status, I did some pointe work and attempted to introduce the disgruntled AMC patrons to the beauty of ballet.

Unfortunately, most of them didn’t care  and since, between the two of us, Jeff and I have a combined attention span of 4 minutes, we quickly got bored and decided that we would use our passes to catch Killing Them Softly later this week.

Instead, we went back to my place and we investigated the DVR, searching for some hidden gem of entertainment.  Believe it or not, we found it.  The 1968 anti-drug educational film Curious Alice was on TCM last night and, wisely, I set the DVR to record it.

Seriously, you have to watch this:

Scenes I Love: The Final Five Minutes Of Trip With The Teacher

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Yesterday, Arleigh shared the opening of John Woo’s The Killer.  For today’s scene that I love, I’m going to do the opposite and share the final five minutes of the 1975 exploitation film Trip With The Teacher.

Why is this a scene that I love?  Well, first off, you have to understand that Trip With The Teacher is a drive-in film from the 1970s and the final five minutes really are the epitome of low-budget 1970s cinema.  From the false feel of the happy ending to the insanely catchy (and borderline annoying) closing music, Trip With The Teacher feels like it should be in a time capsule.

However, the main reason why I love the end of Trip With The Teacher is because of what happens after the credits.  We get a montage of scenes featuring (and identifying) the film’s cast.  I love these type of cast montages because, while watching these randomly selected scenes and listening to these film’s closing music, it’s always tempting to imagine that these scenes have all been taken from a different, better film.  As such, you can take these random scenes and imagine the film that they could have been taken from.

Go ahead and try it.  It’s fun!

A Blast From The Past: The Gossip (1955)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last week, I shared The Snob, an educational film from 1958.  Today’s short film — 1955’s The Gossip — is from the same people who gave us The Snob and it has also become something of a personal obsession of mine.  While it’s not as intense as the Snob, the Gossip is still a pretty accurate look at the type of people that every girl has had to deal with at some point in her life.  If nothing else, The Gossip was the Mean Girls of its day.

(That said, it’s interesting to note that, in the 50s, all the gossip centered on who was cheating on tests as opposed to who was cheating on who.)

Like The Snob, The Gossip was directed by Herk Harvey and stars Vera Stough.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #56: Dumb and Dumber (dir by Peter and Bobby Farrelly)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I turned on Comedy Central and I watched the 1994 comedy Dumb and Dumber.

Why Was I Watching It?

Last night was my first time to ever sit down and watch Dumb and Dumber from beginning to end.  I had seen several clips on YouTube and I had been assured by many people that Dumb and Dumber was one of the funniest movies ever made.  Last night, since SyFy was not showing an original movie, I decided to find out for myself.

What Was It About?

Harry (played by Jeff Daniels) is dumb and Lloyd (Jim Carrey) is dumber.  Harry has messy hair and Lloyd has a chipped tooth.  They end up getting kicked out of their depressing apartment and this somehow leads to them going on a road trip from Rhode Island to Colorado.  They’re looking for Lloyd’s dream girl, Mary (Lauren Holly).  Along the way, they’re pursued by a gangsters and engage in a lot of disgusting adventures.  It’s a dumb movie about dumb people doing dumb things.

What Worked?

I laughed once while watching the film.  It was a weary laugh that was largely the result of being slowly worn down by the film’s insistence that what I was watching was actually funny.  It wasn’t a sincere laugh.  It was a laugh of surrender but it was a laugh nonetheless.

Jeff Daniels is currently best known for playing Will McAvoy, the smug and condescending center of HBO’s The Newsroom.  That show’s pilot famously started off with McAvoy declaring that the millenials are the “WORST.  GENERATION.  EVER.”  As a member of the WORST.  GENERATION.  EVER, I have to say that there was something oddly satisfying about seeing Jeff Daniels getting continually humiliated (and, at one point, set on fire) in Dumb and Dumber.

What Did Not Work?

Just to judge by the reaction on twitter while Dumb and Dumber was playing, a lot of people are going to disagree with me on this but Dumb and Dumber sucks.  Seriously.  The film’s constant gross-out humor felt more lazy than clever and watching it quickly became as tedious as watching a commercial featuring a celebrity talking to their iPhone.  As I watched Dumb and Dumber, I found myself constantly checking the time and wondering, “Is the film ever going to actually get funny?”

One of the keys to succesful film comedy is that you have to believe that the characters have an actual stake in the film’s plot, regardless of how ludicrous or over-the-top the plot may get.  That stake is the difference between silly and funny.  With Jeff Daniels looking extremely uncomfortable and Jim Carrey apparently acting in a separate movie from everyone else, Dumb and Dumber is silly without ever really being funny.

Maybe it was easier to make people laugh in 1994.

“Oh my God!  Just like me!” Moments

For once, I’m glad to say that a movie featured absolutely no “Oh my God!  Just like me!” moments.

Actually, I take that back.  Both me and Lauren Holly have the same hair color.  So, that was just like me.

But that is it!

Lessons Learned

Comedy, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder.