A Horror Insomnia File #29: Day of the Animals (dir by William Girdler)

Posted on October 17, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

What’s an Insomnia File? You know how some times you just can’t get any sleep and, at about three in the morning, you’ll find yourself watching whatever you can find on cable? This feature is all about those insomnia-inspired discoveries!

Last night, if you were having trouble sleeping around 2:30 in the morning, you could have turned on your television, changed the station to Movies TV, and watched the 1977 nature-goes-crazy horror film, Day of the Animals!

Now, I should admit that I was not suffering from insomnia last night. Jeff and I are currently up at beautiful Lake Texoma and we just happened to be up late last night and flipping through the stations. I should also admit that, unlike most of the other movies reviewed for this feature, Day of the Animals was not one of “those insomnia-inspired discoveries.”

No, we had both seen Day of the Animals before. The thing with Day of the Animals is that it’s one of those films that, if you see that it’s on TV, you simply have to stop what you’re doing and watch it. Considering that the man had a long career in the movies and I haven’t seen every film that he made, I could be wrong on this but I am fairly certain that Day of the Animals is your only opportunity to see Leslie Nielsen wrestle a grizzly bear.

Leslie Nielsen plays Paul, a businessman who is part of a group of hikers. Shortly before he wrestles with the bear, Paul stands, bare-chested, in the middle of a rainstorm and attempts to taunt God. “Melville’s God, that’s the God I believe in!” Paul shouts, “You want something!? YOU TAKE IT!” Then he turns to one of the hikers and says, “I know what I want and I’m taking it! I killed a man for you!”

Now, at this point, I should probably make it clear that Day of the Animals is not a comedy, though it’s always inspired a lot of laughter whenever I’ve watched it. Day of the Animals attempts to be a very serious horror movie. It even has an environmental message. Because of the hole in the ozone layer, solar radiation is driving all of the mountain animals crazy. Mountain lions attack campers. A grizzly bear wrestles Leslie Nielsen. A group of rats attempt to kill a policeman. German shepherds tear a man apart. And it’s not just the wild animals that are being affected. Leslie Nielsen goes crazy too.

Of course, Leslie Nielsen isn’t the only hiker. Genre vet Christopher George plays the leader of the tour and Lynda Day George is along for the ride as well. If you’ve seen the movie Pieces, you’ll remember Christopher George as the tough cop and Lynda Day George as the tennis pro who, at one point, dramatically screams “BASTARD!” into the wind. Susan Backlinie, who was the first victim in Jaws, also has a role in this film and that seems appropriate. Director William Girdler found quite a bit of success in ripping off Jaws. Before Day of the Animals, he directed Grizzly.

But good ole Leslie Nielsen is pretty much the entire show here. He tries really, really hard to give an intense and frightening performance. In fact, he tries so hard that you almost feel guilty for laughing at times. But then you see that head of perfect silver hair and you hear that deadpan voice saying, “Come here, you little punk!” and you just can’t help yourself.

Anyway, Day of the Animals may be bad but I defy anyone not to watch it.

Previous Insomnia Files:

Horror on the Lens: Panic at Lakewood Manor (dir by Robert Scheerer)

Posted on October 29, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today’s horror on the lens is a made-for-TV movie from 1977. This movie has many different names: Panic at Lakewood Manor, It Happened At Lakewood Manor, and Ants.

Panic at Lakewood Manor is a mix of different genres. It’s a disaster film, a soap opera, and ultimately a revenge-of-nature horror film. The film begins with our cast gathering at Lakewood Manor, a luxury hotel that’s only partially finished. In fact, the owners are so determined to complete construction that they ignore the threat posed by …. KILLER ANTS!

Anyway, this is a made-for-TV movie from the 70s so it’s never as graphic as what we’d expect to see today. That said, I once accidentally stepped on a fire ant mound while I was barefoot and OH MY GOD DID THAT EVER HURT! AGCK!

If you’re a fan of old movies, you’ll enjoy seeing a lot of familiar faces in this one. Even Myrna Loy shows up!

(Incidentally, this film was written by Guerdon Trueblood, who directed the brilliant The Candy Snatchers.)

Horror Film Review: Mortuary (dir by Howard Avedis)

Posted on October 25, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Here! Watch the trailer for the 1983 slasher film, Mortuary!

(It’s the first trailer shown in the video below. Be sure to stick around for the Humongous trailer.)

OH MY GOD! That sure was scary, wasn’t it!? In case you didn’t recognize him, that was beloved horror character actor Michael Berryman getting dragged into that grave. No matter how bad the film was (or is), Michael Berryman was one of those actors who was always worth watching. Based on the trailer, Mortuary has got to be some sort of classic, right?

Well…no.

The trailer’s a classic but, unfortunately, it has nothing to do with the film. This isn’t just a case of scenes from the film being edited into the trailer in such a way that the audience is misled as to what’s actually going on in the movie. Almost all trailers do that…

No, the trailer for Mortuary contains literally no scenes from the actual film. Michael Berryman isn’t even in Mortuary!

But you know who is in the film?

BILL PAXTON!

That’s right … a very young Bill Paxton made his film debut in Mortuary. Even better, he got to play the killer! Now, I know you probably think that I just spoiled the film for you but seriously, Paxton is so obviously the murderer that it doesn’t really count as a spoiler. Paxton plays Paul Andrews, the teenage son of mortician, Hank Andrews (Christopher George). Everyone agrees that Paul is a little bit weird. Or, as someone says in the film, “Paul’s been so strange since his mother committed suicide.” Someone else agrees and then adds that it probably doesn’t help that apparently, Hank used to force Paul to sleep in the mortuary.

In the role of Paul, Paxton gives a very odd performance. I wouldn’t necessarily say that it’s a good performance and, if I ever meet Bill Paxton, I’m not going to bring this movie up. But seriously, Paxton’s performance is so weird that you can’t stop watching him. There’s a scene where he literally skips through a cemetery. He seems to be having fun and good for him!

Paul is a little obsessed with Christie (Mary Beth McDonough). Christie has been having issues since her father’s mysterious drowning. Everyone keeps telling Christie that her father just had an accident in the pool but the audience knows — via the first scene in the film — that her father was only in that pool because someone hit him with a baseball bat. Ever since her father’s death, Christie has been sleep walking and having night terrors. She demands that her boyfriend, Greg (David Wallace), help her find out what really happened to her father.

Greg, however, is still trying to figure out what happened to his best friend, Josh (Denis Mendel). Earlier, Greg and Josh broke into the mortuary so that they could steal a tire. Josh went off on his own and ended up getting stabbed to death with an embalming pipe. Greg never noticed because he was busy spying on what was apparently a black magic ceremony involving Hank and a coven of witches.

And one of the witches was … Christie’s mother, Eve (Lynda Day George)!

When Eve isn’t busy practicing the dark arts, she’s telling her daughter that she needs to get over her father’s death. Is Eve trying to drive Christie crazy? Does Hank know that Paul is homicidal? Will Greg ever figure out that Josh is dead?

And most importantly — will this film feature any disco roller skating!?

YOU BET IT DOES!

I’m probably making Mortuary sound more fun that it actually is. It’s actually a fairly slow-moving slasher film and neither Greg nor Christie are particularly interesting or likable. Still, the film features Bill Paxton skipping in a cemetery and that’s worth something.

If you’re willing to look, you can find Mortuary on YouTube, though I’ve been told that the version that was uploaded was the television version so some things have been cut out.

But you know who hasn’t been cut out?

BILL PAXTON, THAT’S WHO!