Lisa Marie’s Week In Review: 8/28/23 — 9/3/23

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1973’s Class of ’63! It can be viewed on YouTube!

It’s college reunion time! Alumni of all ages and from all over the country are returning to the place where they became adults and spent the best years of their lives.

Joe Hart (James Brolin), of the Class of ’63, returns to the campus but he immediately feels like a bit like an outsider. As opposed to his former classmates, many of whom are desperately trying to recapture their fading youth, Joe is quiet and sensitive and he’s aware of the passage of time. He hasn’t come back to college so that he can relive his carefree fraternity days. Instead, his main interest is whether or not his former fiancée will be there.

And it turns out that Louise Swerner (Joan Hackett) is there! She’s accompanied by her husband and fellow member of the Class 0f 63, Mickey Swerner (Cliff Gorman). From the minute that Mickey appears, it’s obvious that he has both a chip on his shoulder and a lot of insecurity. He is visibly annoyed when people fail to immediately recognize him. He and Louise have a strained marriage and he’s not particularly happy with how excited she is to see Joe again. While Mickey tries to convince everyone that he’s grown up to be a winner, Louise and Joe get reacquainted and it becomes obvious that they still love each other. Will Louise and Joe leave the reunion together and should they be more concerned with the fact that Mickey just happens to have a sniper rifle in his luggage? And what to make of Dave McKay (Ed Lauter), the former classmate who seems to be just a little bit too excited to see everyone?

It’s an interesting film and I have to say that it didn’t quite go the direction that I was expecting it to. Despite the presence of the rifle and Mickey’s obvious instability, the film is less a thriller and more a look at what it means to grow up and the difficulty of letting go of the past. None of the characters are caricatures. Joe and Louise may seem perfect together but the film makes clear that they’re also idealizing their time together. With neither one of them really happy with their current life, they’ve both fallen into the trap of wondering, “What if?” Meanwhile, Mickey may be flawed but it’s impossible not to have some sympathy for him. As hostile as Cliff can be, it’s obvious that the person that he hates the most is himself and Cliff Gorman does a good job of capturing Mickey’s raging insecurity. Gorman’s intensity provides a good balance to Brolin’s more laid back performance and, by the end of the film, one can understand why and how Louise was able to fall in love with two men who superficially seem to be so different.

Class of ’63 is a good drama, one that requires a little patience but which ultimately rewards the audience for sticking with it.

Cleaning Out The DVR: To Kill A Stepfather (dir by Peter Sullivan)

Posted on September 3, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

As with so many Lifetime films, To Kill A Stepfather opens with a murder.

Matthew (Dan Golden) is a pillar of his small town’s community. He’s well-liked by all and he’s renowned for the way his voice sounds whenever he sings with the choir. His wife, Kate (Elyse Mirto), is a bit less popular with the community but everyone agrees that Matthew has been good as stepfather to her daughter, Riley (Kelly McCart).

Of course, Riley is not Kate’s only daughter. Nicole (Alex Camacho) is a high-priced defense attorney who left home a long time ago and who has never really made peace with her memories of her mother being an alcoholic. Nicole barely knows Matthew. She’s been too busy pursuing her career to keep up with what’s happening at her former home. Nicole is one of those lawyers who gets yelled at by strangers because so many of her clients are guilty. Now, of course, Nicole’s job is to defend her clients. Guilty or not, anyone accused of a crime is entitled to representation and the job of a defense attorney is to serve as their client’s advocate and help them make their way through the complexities of the American legal system. In other words, Nicole is doing her job. Get off her back, people!

One night, Matthew and Kate’s neighbors hear an argument coming from their house. Inside the house, someone shoves Matthew down a flight of stairs and kills him. When the police arrest Kate for the crime, Riley calls the only attorney that she knows, her older sister Nicole. Nicole returns to her hometown and discovers that, even in jail and desperately needing an attorney, her mother still isn’t happy to see her. Indeed, Kate even says that she would prefer a different lawyer but Nicole takes one look at the ambulance chaser who has been assigned to the case and declares that she’s taking over her mother’s defense.

Apparently, this film was inspired by a true story but it plays out like a typical Lifetime courtroom drama. That’s not a complaint, of course. The familiarity is one of the things that people love about Lifetime movies. From the minute that Nicole meets Kate in prison, the viewer will suspect that they know where the story is heading but that’s okay. The destination is less important than the journey and the journey is enjoyably melodramatic. Alex Camacho and Kelly McCart are instantly believable as sisters and Elyse Mirto gives a good performance as the mother who wants to hold onto her secrets, even if they mean possibly going to prison. In the end, the important thing is that the film embraces the melodrama. That’s really the main thing that we ask from our Lifetime films.

That said, I was kind of amused by how “slick” all of the attorneys in the film were. I’ve worked as an administrative assistant in a law office. I’ve known a few lawyers. I’ve been to the courthouses. Attorneys are usually the most shabbily-dressed people in the courthouse and, usually, they’re juggling way too much to have time to stand around and exchange snarky bon mots. But again, one doesn’t watch a legal drama on Lifetime because they’re looking for a realistic portrait of the American legal system. On Lifetime, all lawyers are perfectly dressed and have not a hair out of place and that’s more than alright.

A Blast From The Past: How To Keep A Job

Posted on September 3, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Just in time for the Labor Day, here’s a short film from 1949 about How To Keep A Job!

Edward is kind of a dummy. He goes to a job interview and spends the whole time not only trashing his former employer but also trying to avoid admitting that he was fired from his previous job. Fortunately, the man interviewing him can tell that Edward still has potential, despite the fact that he’s kind of a squirmy idiot.

The interviewer tells Edward the story of twin brothers who worked in shipping. One brother was smart and responsible and always a good worker. That bother is now on the verge of being promoted. The other brother, Walter, was irresponsible and more concerned with getting ready for a date than actually doing his job. The message would seem to be that Edward is running the risk of turning into Walter but wait a minute! There’s a twist!

This is certainly an earnest short film. Of course, when seen today, it’s more goofy than educational. I have to admit that films like this always used to make me feel guilty because they’re like, “You must follow these exact steps to get and keep a job,” and I’m over here like, “Or you can just wait for a friend of your mom’s to give you a job!” But anyway, here’s How To Keep A Job!

Here’s The Latest Trailer For The Nun II!

Posted on September 3, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Here is the latest trailer for The Nun II, which will be opening at the end of this upcoming week. Try to control your excitement as we get a second chapter in the least interesting of the various Conjuring spin-offs.

September Positivity: A Town Called Parable (dir by Scott Hester)

Posted on September 2, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

In 2021’s A Town Called Parable, Eric Roberts plays Reverend John Corell. He’s a pastor who lives in a small frontier town called Parable. It’s a town that’s full of gunslingers, gamblers, and businessmen. It’s the Old West, as long as you’re willing to overlook the fact that most of the characters have modern haircuts and wear clothes that look like they were purchased from the neighborhood costume shop.

John Corell is having a crisis of faith, due to the fact that some gunslingers gunned down his brother in the middle of the night. Corell is not sure how he can possibly be expected to forgive the men that killed his brother. He wants revenge but he knows that seeking revenge will mean rejecting everything that he believes in.

Now, to be honest, the idea of Eric Roberts playing a morally conflicted, old west preacher-turned-gunfighter actually does have some potential and I was totally looking forward to the sight of Roberts walking down a dusty street and demanding that his enemies “Draw!” Unfortunately, the majority of that potential is unrealized. The film only runs for a little over 70 minutes and most of Eric Roberts’s scenes feature him performing a monologue in his church. As Corell speaks, he remembers things that have happened to other citizens of Parable. Needless to say, there’s a lesson to be found in every flashback. The town isn’t called Parable for nothing.

For instance, Corell remembers the starving man who kept knocking at everyone’s door until he finally found someone willing to give him some food. He remembers the widow who kept demanding that the sheriff do something about the men who killed her husband and how she refused to stop demanding until justice was served. He also remembers the drunken employee who was forgiven once by his employer but who didn’t change his ways and who was savagely beaten as a result. (His wife and child were also sold to the highest bidder …. YIKES!) The stories all roughly correspond to a Biblical parable but, at the same time, they don’t offer up much of a solution as to what Corell should do when the men who killed his brother gather outside of his church.

It’s a disappointing film and one that does not take advantage of the presence of Eric Roberts. I mean, if you can actually convince Eric Roberts to spend more than day on your set, you need to do something more with him than just have him pace around one location. Fortunately, there are other Eric Roberts westerns out there that make better use of his unique talents.

Previous Eric Roberts Films That We Have Reviewed:

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television — 8/27/23 — 9/2/23

Posted on September 2, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Big Brother 25 (24/7, Paramount+ and CBS)

I wrote about Big Brother here!

CHiPs (Weekday Mornings, GET TV)

I watched two episodes of this very 70s cop show on Friday morning. Both episodes featured car crashes and California living. I liked the opening, bass-heavy theme music.

Claim to Fame (Monday Night, ABC)

Nick Cannon’s brother, Gabriel, ended up winning the show. (It’s kind of weird how everyone just shrugged off Nick Cannon making all of those anti-Semitic comments on that podcast.) This was an amusing reality show, even if all of my favorites were eliminated early on.

Dr. Phil (YouTube)

On Sunday, I watched a two-part episode in which Dr. Phil talked to a mother who had a YouTube channel dedicated to exploiting her autistic child. The mother was convinced her child was schizophrenic as well as autistic and kept talking over both Dr. Phil and all other medical experts on the show. She had a very annoying habit of nodding and saying, “Yes, I agree,” whenever anyone would disagree with her. Seriously, she was the most annoying person that I’ve ever seen on a talk show. I then watched another episode featuring a middle-aged woman who was into S&M and who had recently invited sex offender to come live with her and her 9 year-old daughter. Yikes!

On Wednesday morning, I watched an episode in which Dr. Phil talked to a handsome young drug addict who claimed that he had written all of Taylor Swift’s songs. Then, later that night, I watched an episode about fighting sisters. To be honest, I’m not sure that Phil really helped any of them.

Geraldo (YouTube)

On Sunday, I watched an episode of this 90s talk show in which Geraldo Rivera talked to New York club kids. Michael Alig looked like he couldn’t wait to murder someone.

Jane Pratt (YouTube)

This was a talk show from the 90s. On Tuesday, I watched an episode called “Raves and Ecstasy.” I immediately recognize the host as one of the victims from The Boogeyman.

Jenny Jones (YouTube)

Jenny Jones talked to people who called off their weddings due to stuff that happened at Bachelor and Bachelorette parties. Jenny got extremely flustered while talking about the strippers.

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about The Love Boat here!

Sally Jessy Raphael (YouTube)

On Thursday morning, I watched an episode featuring “out of control teens” who were sent to boot camp. The audience loved watching the teens suffers at boot camp but I suspect it probably didn’t do much good as far as the teens were concerned. Later, during the afternoon, I watched an episode featuring out-of-control teens. Two terrifying people from the Tough Love Organization, showed up and ordered all of the parents to divorce their children.

South Central (YouTube)

I wrote about South Central here!

Stars on Mars (Monday Night, Fox)

On the finale of Stars on Mars, Adam Rippon emerged as the winner so I guess he is the new Warlord of Mars now.

Steve Wilkos Show (YouTube)

I watched two episodes on Thursday night. Steve kicked abusers off of his stage. GO, STEVE!

T. and T. (Tubi)

I wrote about T. and T. here!

Welcome Back Kotter (Tubi)

I wrote about Welcome Back Kotter here!

Retro Television Reviews: Welcome Back Kotter 2.3 “Sweatside Story” and 2.4 “The Fight”

Posted on September 2, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, the Sweathogs get violent!

Episode 2.3 “Sweatside Story”

(Dir by Bill Persky, originally aired on October 7th, 1976)

Gabe tells Julie about his uncle who was a highway patrolman and who once chased a guy who was running 80 miles per hour. I didn’t really get the joke.

At school, class is interrupted by a fire drill. While Horshack panics, Epstein tells Barbarino that he’s tired of drills and is thinking of setting the school on fire so that “they can see how it’s done under real pressure.” While everyone waits in the hallway, Woodman shows up, accuses the Sweathogs of pulling the alarm, and then starts doing unconstitutional locker searches.

“What is this?” Gabe asks, “Be Cruel To Sweathogs Day?”

“Every day is Be Cruel To Sweathogs Day,” Woodman replies.

Woodman discovers that Barbarino has a jacket with “Sweathogs” written on the back of it. OH MY GOD, THE SWEATHOGS ARE STARTING A GANG! And they actually are. (“I haven’t been invited to join,” Horshack says, which should be taken as proof positive that this gang is serious business.) Gabe warns them that wearing jackets and starting gangs is a good way to get hurt. On cue, Freddie shows up and says that another gang jumped him for invading their territory.

Later, back at the apartment, Gabe tells Julie that he fears the Sweathogs are going to get into a “rumble.” Suddenly, Horshack shows up at the apartment, looking like a refugee from a John Waters movie. Gabe tells Horshack about how violent rumbles can get and asks Horshack if he’s prepared to be hit around like a hockey puck.

“I want to be a punk, not a puck!” Horshack announces. Uhmm….

Hanging around outside the school, Barbarino, Freddie, and Washington try remember how they were all initiated into their gang and it turns out that none of them were actually initiated. Barbarino states that, when he started the gang, he spent a week watching Gilligan’s Island to toughen himself up. Freddie explains that he became a member of the gang through Barbarino’s minority recruitment plan. Epstein, of course, has a note from Epstein’s Mom. Suddenly, Horshack shows up, prepared to be initiated into the gang.

Barbarino has no idea how to initiate Horshack but says that he’ll figure out how to do it “once I get my thoughts deranged.”

Suddenly, Gabe and Woodman show up, also wearing black leather jackets and looking to be initiated into the gang. Gabe explains that he brought Woodman because Woodman has the key to the nurse’s office, which they’ll need after the rumble.

The rival gang then shows up, demanding to know why the Sweathogs are looking for them. However, when they discover that both a teacher and the school’s vice principal are members of the Sweathog Gang, the rival gang leader announces that this school is too tough for them and they agree to negotiate a peace settlement between the two gangs.

Later, Gabe tells Julie about his Uncle Harry Kotter, who bought a suit that was too big for him.

This episode felt a bit off. Even by the standards of this show, the humor felt a bit overly broad and the Sweathogs’s naivety about what it meant to be in a gang never seemed credible. I mean, they essentially were a gang during the first season! If anything, the Sweathogs felt a bit neutered and too family-friendly in this episode. They were missing the edge that often elevated the episodes during the first season. That said, John Sylvester White had some good moments. It’s hard not to enjoy Mr. Woodman’s total disgust with the world and everyone in it.

Episode 2.4 “The Fight”

(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on October 21st, 1976)

Gabe tells Julie a joke about how his father always wanted him to date a girl just like his mother, which is something that I’m sure Julie appreciated hearing.

At school, Freddie is upset to learn that 1) Epstein gave Barbarino Freddie’s English homework to do and 2) Barbarino forgot to do it.

“Because of you, I’m going to get an F in English!” Freddie snaps at Barbarino.

“If it makes you feel any better,” Barbarino replies, “so am I.”

An argument breaks out between Freddie, Barbarino, and Epstein but Gabe breaks it up by ordering them into the classroom. For their Social Studies homework, all of the Sweathogs have been asked to either write about or bring in their most prized possession. Barbarino shows off his little black book. Freddie shows off his pet flea, Howard. (Unfortunately, Howard is killed when Freddie asks Horshack to give him five.) Epstein has a toy boat. Horshack starts to talk about how his ancestor, Popeye Horshack, discovered Coney Island and accidentally sits on the boat, destroying it. While Horshack tries to apologize, he accidentally mentions that he’s been doing Barbarino’s homework for Gabe’s class.

Frustrated, Gabe orders everyone to remain quiet while he steps outside and takes two aspirin.

However, as soon as Gabe leaves, Barbarino taunts Horshack and Epstein for being short and then complains that the entire class is short. Freddie stands up and says, “Hi there. I’m tall.” Epstein climbs a on top of Gabe’s desk and says that, “I’ve had it with Hi There!” Freddie replies that he’s sick of Horshack’s laugh. Horshack says that he’s tired of Epstein’s phony notes. Epstein then makes fun of Barbarino for being stupid.

“In your pants with a bag of ants!” Barbarino declares.

“In your pockets with red hot rockets,” Freddie counters.

Gabe re-enters the classroom and tells everyone to stop yelling. Gabe need not worry because the Sweathogs announce that they are never going to speak to each other again.

Later, at the apartment, Gabe struggles to eat Julie’s famous tuna casserole. “You think I like spending my entire life listening to your stupid jokes!?” Julie demands. Gabe replies that he has to tell jokes to cheer himself up after eating Julie’s food.

Suddenly, Barbarino shows up, panicking about how he’s going to get the Sweathogs to follow his orders if they won’t talk to him. Gabe says that he has to be a big enough person to say that he’s sorry and then Gabe apologizes to Julie. Gabe and Julie then attempt to have an honest conversation about their argument while Barbarino continually asks them what they have to eat at the apartment. Gabe suggests that Julie just not make tuna casserole anymore. Julie throws food at Gabe. Gabe throws food at Julie. Barbarino asks if they have any espresso and gets even more food tossed at him.

The next day, at school, Gabe asks Woodman to come into his class, apologize for something, and allow Gabe to forgive him so that the Sweathogs can learn an important lesson.

“I don’t do requests, Kotter,” Woodman replies, “Do I look like Wolfman Jack? …. I don’t have anything to apologize for.”

Gabe then suggests that Woodman could enter the class and Gabe could be the one who apologizes. That sounds good to Woodman. However, once they enter the classroom, Gabe apologizes for a prank he pulled ten years earlier and Woodman refuses to accept the apology. As Woodman leaves, Horshack asks Gabe to keep it down because “There are people trying to be angry in here.”

Barbarino, realizing that he’s responsible for fixing this problem, orders Horshack to apologize to Epstein. After Gabe tells them that their friendship should be their most prized possession, Epstein forgives Horshack. Barbarino apologizes for not doing Freddie’s homework and soon, everyone is hugging. Awwwww!

Later, at the apartment, Gabe is all alone because Julie is at her friend Candy’s place. Gabe calls Candy and asks to speak Julie. When Julie comes to the phone, Gabe says, “Julie, did I ever tell you about my Aunt Edna?” Julie hangs up on him.

This episode was a definite improvement on the previous one, with the emphasis being on the chemistry between the Sweathogs and their own hostile but ultimately affectionate interactions. If the Sweathogs seemed neutered when they tried to start a gang, they regained their edge just one episode later. So far, the best episodes of Welcome Back Kotter have been the ones where each member of the group gets a chance to shine and that’s certainly the case with this episode.

By the way, speaking as someone who can be a bit sensitive about her own cooking skills, I think Gabe is totally right about the tuna casserole. Seriously, there’s comes a time when you just have to admit that you’re never going to master the casserole.

A Blast From The Past: Maintaining Classroom Discipline

Posted on September 2, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Since this is Labor Day weekend, it seems like an appropriate time to share a short film about one of our most valuable professions, teaching.

In 1947’s Maintaining Classroom Discipline, Mr. Grimes is a Math teacher who is disappointed in his stupid, stupid students. How should he deal with them? This short film gives us two options. The first half of the film (which, if we’re going to be honest, is the more fun half of the film), Mr. Grimes is hard-nosed and sarcastic, telling the students that he’s very disappointed in them and giving them all detention when they make fun of him. (One of them even misses football practice!) This approach does not work and, instead, leads to montage of Mr. Grimes giving detention to student after student. One student is kicked out of class and told not to return until he’s ready to apologize. I mean, seriously, Mr. Grimes is basically telling him that he can just leave the school if he wants.

The second half of the film features Mr. Grimes instead being polite about the low test score and patiently explaining to his students how ratio works. When one student tries to make fun of Mr. Grimes, the entire class rolls their eyes. Earth-2 Mr. Grimes is a good teacher and his class would die for him!

Personally, if I was a teacher, I have no idea how I would maintain discipline. I’d probably just make sure that my classroom was near the principal’s office so I can pull him in whenever I wanted to. To me, the worst thing about giving a student detention isn’t the fact that the student will resent you for it but that apparently, you’re required to stick around until detention has been served. Seriously, I enjoy working and all but I also like going home.

Anyway, let’s all learn from Mr. Grimes, shall we?

Here’s The Trailer For Saltburn!

Posted on September 2, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Here’s the trailer for Saltburn, Emerald Fennell’s first film since her Oscar-nominated Promising Young Woman. In this film, Barry Keoghan (who was so good in The Banshees of Inisherin) plays an awkward student at Oxford who becomes obsessed with his aristocratic classmate (Jacob Elordi). Keoghan, Elordi, Fennell, and the film itself are all expected to be potential Oscar contenders.

The trailer certainly has a creepy vibe to it.