Tag Archives: Larry Storch

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 4.1 “Go-Cart Terror”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

It’s time for the fourth season!  Ponch and Baker — but especially Ponch — continue to keep Los Angeles safe for pedestrians and motorists.

Episode 4.1 “Go-Cart Terror”

(Dir by John Florea, originally aired on September 21st, 1980)

It’s time for season 4 of CHiPs, a.k.a The Ponch Show!

Seriously, if there’s anything that really stuck out about the fourth season premiere, it’s that Baker’s character was pretty much superfluous.  Yes, Baker was out there on his motorcycle and helped Ponch catch this week’s bad guys, two thieves played by Larry Storch and Sonny Bono.  But, ultimately, it was Ponch who did the important things.

Who coached the CHP-sponsored go-cart team to victory over the fire department’s?  Ponch!

Who rescued a woman from a van after she crashed into a lake?  Ponch!

Who always knew the right thing to say?  Ponch!

Who did everyone talk to when they had a problem?  Ponch!

This episode established that Frank ‘Ponch” Poncherello is the greatest human being who ever lived.  Baker …. well, he tries.  Baker’s nice and dedicated to the job but, in the end, he can only watch with amazement as Ponch solves all of the world’s problems.

I read over on the imdb that Larry Wilcox did not enjoy working with Erik Estrada and he felt that Estrada was the producer’s pet.  Watching this episode, I can see why Wilcox would have felt like that.  It’s hard to believe that, when this show first started, Baker was the competent one while Ponch was the nervous screw-up who kept making mistakes and who always seemed to be on the verge of getting written up.  The fourth season premiere celebrates Ponch as being the supercop who the rest of Los Angeles looked up to.  Sorry, Mr. Wilcox …. you may be the better actor but it’s hard to compete with the Estrada of it all.

As for the episode itself, it was typical CHiPs.  The criminals were captured after being chased on the freeway and a bunch of kids learned an important lesson about proper go-cart safety.  When the go-cart team had to raise money to compete in the next race, Ponch told all the adults that the kids had to come up with a plan because it was their team and the whole point of the go-cart experience was to learn responsibility.  You tell ’em, Ponch!  I mean, goddamn, Ponch is the man!  Anyway, the kids held a car wash and I think the only reason they did that was so the show could have an excuse to have Randi Oakes show up in short shorts and get sprayed by a hose.  I hope Ponch talked to the producers about treating Randi Oakes with respect.

I liked this episode, even though I did feel bad for Larry Wilcox.  It was silly and fun.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 3.1 and 3.2 “Roller Disco”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, season three begins with a classic episode!

Episode 3.1 and 3.2 “Roller Disco”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on September 22nd, 1979)

It’s the roller disco episode!

From the moment that I first announced that I would be watching and reviewing CHiPs for this feature, people have been telling me about the legendary roller disco episode.  Having finally reached it, I can say that it lived up to the hype.  You’re not likely to see anything more 70s than the third season premiere of CHiPs.

Now, this was a two-hour episode so there were actually quite a few subplot going on, all of which were typical CHiPs storylines.  In no particular order:

  1. A kid named Mark (Bobby Rolofson) is roller skating around the beach and idolizing three criminals.  Can Baker show him that the good guys always win?
  2. The three criminals are Lita (Helena Kallianiotes), Ty (Fred Williamson), and Romo (Jim Brown).  Lita sets up the targets.  Ty and Romo steal their purses and their wallets and then escape on roller skates.  Ty and Romo are tired of breaking the law.  Lita demands that they continue to steal.  Eventually, it falls to Baker and Ponch to arrest them.
  3. Carlin (Larry Linville) and Franco (Larry Storch) continually cause accidents on the highway.
  4. Rock star Jimmy Tyler (Leif Garrett) is so tired that he sleeps through one of those accidents.  Looking to break free from his well-meaning but overbearing manager (Bill Daily), Jimmy decides to manage his own affairs while staying at Jon Baker’s apartment.

There’s a lot going on but the main plotline is Ponch trying to find celebrities to take part in the annual highway patrol fund raiser.  Even with his big smile, Ponch struggles to charm the celebs.  He pulls over Ed McMahon at one point but fails to recognize him until McMahon drives off.  Gatraer tells Ponch that police work comes first but also tells him that he has to find celebrities.  Gatraer’s been giving Ponch a hard time ever since the first season.  Some things never change.

Fortunately, Jimmy feels guilty for overstaying his welcome at Baker’s apartment and he makes it up to Baker and Ponch by asking his celebrity friends to take part in the fund raiser.  It’s time for a roller disco with the stars!

It all leads to this classic scene:

I recognized a few of the stars, though certainly not all of them.  I recognized Victor French because I’ve been reviewing Highway to Heaven.  I’ve also seen enough old sitcoms that I immediately recognized Robert Mandan, who was apparently the best roller skater in Hollywood.  Melissa Sue Anderson, I knew from Happy Birthday To Me.  Cindy Williams, who got two shout-outs, I knew from American Graffiti.  Is it just me or did Nancy Kulp look kind of lost?  Neither Melissa Sue Anderson nor Cindy Williams seemed to want to talk to her.

The roller disco actually goes on for fifteen minutes, which I appreciated.  The show promised a roller disco and it delivered.  It was like stepping into a time machine and traveling to the 70s.  It was a great way to start season three!

Because of the holidays, this is going to be my final CHiPs review of 2024.  My reviews of this show will return on January 6th!

The TSL’s Horror Grindhouse: Without Warning (dir by Greydon Clark)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

1980’s Without Warning opens with a father (Cameron Mitchell) and his gay son (Darby Hinton) on a hunting trip.  The father taunts his son about not being what the father considers to be a real man.  He says that his son would have no chance of surviving in the wilderness.

“Why does it always have to be like this?” the son asks with a sincerity that will break your heart.

Suddenly, a bloodsucking starfish flies through the air, lands on the father, and starts to suck out his blood with a phallic stinger.  The father dies while his son watches.  The son picks up his rifle and prepares to fight back.  This will be the son’s chance to prove that his father was incorrect.  This is the son’s chance to prove that he can survive in the wilderness and….

Just kidding.  The son forgot to load the rifle and promptly gets a starfish to the eye.

That’s the type of film that Without Warning is.  Characters are introduced.  The majority of them are played by B-actor who have seen better days.  They get a few minutes of character development.  Then, they die and the viewer is left feeling a bit depressed because they all seemed like they deserved just a bit more screentime than they received.  Larry Storch shows up as a boy scout leader who gets a starfish to the back while trying to light a cigarette.  Neville Brand, Ralph Meeker, and Sue Anne Langdon hang out in a bar and refuse to believe that the Earth has been invaded by blood-sucking starfish.  Jack Palance plays a hunter and gas station owner who wants to capture an alien as a trophy.  Martin Landau plays Sarge, an unbalanced Vietnam Vet who has been telling people for years that there are aliens out there.  Everyone laughed at old Sarge but they won’t be laughing for long!  At the time this film was made, Palance was a two-time Oscar nominee.  He finally won his Oscar for City Slickers, a decade after Without Warning.  Martin Landau, for his part, won his Oscar 15 years after Without Warning.  Good for them.  If nothing else, this movie should remind everyone who has dismissed Eric Roberts’s chances that there’s still time!

That said, none of these familiar faces are the stars of the film.  Instead, the majority of the film follows four teenagers on a road trip, Sandy (Tarah Nutter), Greg (Christopher S. Nelson), Beth (Lynn Theel), and Tom (David Caruso).  David Caruso as a sex-crazed teenager sounds more amusing than it actually is.  If anything, the sight of him wearing shorts and t-shirt is almost blinding.  (As a fellow redhead, I sympathize.  We burn but we don’t tan.)  Tom and Beth die early on, leaving Greg and Sandy to try to escape from the alien (Kevin Peter Hall) who is tossing around the starfish.  Both characters are pretty generic but Christopher Nelson is at least likable.

Without Warning has a reputation for being the best film that Greydon Clark ever directed and I would agree that it’s one of his better ones, though I prefer The Forbidden Dance.  Then again, when you consider some of the other films that Clark directed, it’s easy to see that Without Warning didn’t exactly have a huge bar to clear.  Though the script borrows a bit too much from nearly every other horror film ever made, Without Warning is nicely paced and the killer starfish are genuinely frightening and their bloodsucking is almost Cronenbergian in its ick factor.  Just as he would for John Carpenter, cinematographer Dean Cundey gives us some nicely eerie shots of the alien.  Landau and Palance go all out, understanding that subtlety has no place in a film like this.  Without Warning is a dumb B-movie but it’s definitely entertaining.

Without Warning (1980, dir by Greydon Clark, DP: Dean Cundey)

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 5.11 “House of Dolls/Wuthering Heights”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites.  Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

This week, it’s all about the power of imagination.

Episode 5.11 “House of Dolls/Wuthering Heights”

(Dir by Philip Leacock, originally aired on January 9th, 1982)

After being absent last week, Tattoo returns for this episode.  That means that Julie, once again, is too busy on the other side of the Island to assist Mr. Roarke this week.  The excuse that the show’s writer come up with to explain Julie’s absence is that she accidentally opened up a box of Fantasy Island butterflies that were meant to be delivered to the San Diego Zoo.  Now, Julie has to catch all of the butterflies.  Good luck, Julie!

As for the fantasies, they both deal with imagination.

Clarissa Bevis (Britt Ekland) is a librarian who is single because she’s never met a real-life man who can compare to Heathcliffe from Clarissa’s favorite novel, Wuthering Heights.  Clarissa wants to enter the world of the novel so that she can meet Heathcliffe and hopefully put her obsession with him behind her.  Mr. Roarke grants her fantasy but warns her that she must not change the plot of the book in any way.  That strikes me as an odd rule because it’s not as if Clarissa is traveling into the past.  She’s entering her imagination so why would it matter if she decided to do what so many other readers have done and imagine a different ending to her favorite novel?

Clarissa finds herself approaching Wuthering Heights.  Heathcliffe (Hugh O’Brian) sees her and declares that his beloved Catherine has come back to life.  Meanwhile, Edgar Linton (Richard Anderson) believes that this proves Heathcliffe has gone mad and starts to plot to have Heathcliffe declared insane so that Edgar can claim Wuthering Heights and all of its farmland as his own.  To be honest, if we’re in Clarissa’s imagination, I can only assume that she’s only seen a movie version of Wuthering Heights because neither Heathcliffe nor Edgar behave like their characters in the book  (In particular, Edgar is portrayed as being a cartoonishly evil villain.)  And, it should be noted, no mention is made of Cathy, Linton, Hindley, Isabella, Harleton, or any of the book’s other characters.  How is Clarissa supposed to stay true to the plot of a book that she’s never read?

As for the other fantasy, Francis Elkins (Bob Denver) is a maker and dresser of mannequins,  He’s fallen in love with one of his mannequins — “Hey, that’s not creepy at all,” I say while dramatically rolling my eyes — and his fantasy is for her to come to life.  Roarke gives Francis a magical medallion thing that Francis uses to bring Courtney (Barbi Benton) to life, with the understanding that Courtney will only be human for two days.  Eager to live as much life as possible, Courtney uses the medallion to bring to life three other mannequins to serve as the members of her squad.  She also flirts with two salesmen (Larry Storch and Joey Forman) by telling them that’s she’s from Bloomingdale’s (“Oh yeah,” Storch says, “that town in Indiana,”) and that she’s only six years old.  Fortunately, Francis’s love for Courtney is so strong that Courtney remains human even after the two days are up.

At the start of this fantasy, Roarke promises Tattoo that it will be the most delightful fantasy ever.  Barbi Benton did a good job in the role of Courtney and she certainly showed more comedic timing here than she did during previous visits to the Island.  But I don’t know …. the whole falling in love with a mannequin thing was a little too creepy to be delightful.

That said, this was an entertaining episode, even if neither fantasy really worked.  Barbi Benton got to show off her comedic timing and the Wuthering Heights fantasy was enjoyably melodramatic, even if it got the book wrong and even though all-American Hugh O’Brian was not exactly the most convincing Heathcliffe.  This was a nice enough trip to the Island.

I wonder if Julie ever found those butterflies.

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 3.23 “Eagleman/Children of Mentu”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming is on Youtube!

This week, season 3 comes to an end!

Episode 3.23 “Eagleman/Children of Mentu”

(Dir by Michael Vejar, originally aired on May 17th, 1980)

As I watched the third season finale of Fantasy Island, I found myself growing a bit sad.  Even though I went into this program knowing that Ricardo Montalban and Herve Villechaize eventually came to despise each other, it’s still a bit jarring to see just how obvious that dislike was by the end of season 3.  Gone were the silly moments of banter that used to start each episode.  Instead, by the end of season 3, each episode opened with same stock footage of Tattoo announcing the plane and then Roarke and Tattoo heading down to the docks to meet their guests.  When Tattoo and Roarke do speak to each other, the actors barely look at each other.  As I said, it’s a shame and it’s hard not to feel that the show itself became a bit less interesting once Roarke and Tattoo stopped interacting.

As far as this week’s fantasies, they both feel somewhat familiar.  There’s a comedic fantasy and a vaguely serious fantasy, both featuring actors who had previously appeared on the show in different roles.  The comedic fantasy features Bob Denver as Morris Binstock who comes to the Island for a business retreat.  Accompanying him is his son, Barney (Keith Coogan).  Ever since the death of his wife, Morris has struggled to connect with his son.  His fantasy is to become his son’s favorite comic book hero, Eagleman!

And he gets his wish.  Roarke has set up an entire Eagleman secret headquarters in the closet of Morris’s room.  Morris puts on the Eagleman costume and he does a flew klutzy things and he gets to fly.  His son is happy.  But is Morris devoting so much time to being Eagleman that he’s running the risk of losing a promotion at work?  After all, a promotion would not only mean more money but it would also be something that would continue to exist, even after Morris left the Island.  It looks like obnoxious Hal Ripley (Larry Storch) is going to get the promotion but when the company’s CEO, H.H. Moran (Jim Backus), discovers that Morris has been pretending to be Eagleman to make his son happy, Moran makes Morris vice president.  H.H. Moran is all about family!

The more serious fantasy features Vernee Watson as Rochelle McKenzie, a reporter who is trying to track down Dr. Arthur Gates (Ralph Bellamy), a millionaire who vanished one day.  Roarke explains that Dr. Gates has been spotted on the nearby Island of Mentu.  Roarke warns her that the inhabitants of Mentu are not friendly and Rochelle will be putting her own life at risk if she goes to the island,

Rochelle still goes to the island and guess what?  Roarke was not lying about those angry inhabitants.  One of the men is horribly scarred.  Another has to use a crutch but still growls at every human he sees.  The island and the natives were exploited by a mining company and now, the natives distrust almost everyone they see.  However, Dr. Gates has decided to dedicate his life to taking care of them.  That’s a good thing because it turns out that the scarred native has a sick child and only Dr. Gates can provide the proper medical attention.

Both stories are fairly silly, though at least Rochelle’s story gives Ralph Bellamy a chance to take on the type of role that was usually given to Ray Milland.  If you only know Bellamy as the guy who was constantly getting dumped for Cary Grant in the 30s and 40s, this episode allows Bellamy a chance to show that he could be a likable and authoritative actor.  As for the Eagleman story, it was kind of uncomfortable to watch because Bob Denver looked like he was in his early 60s and it was hard not to worry about him seriously injuring himself whenever he put on the costume.

There’s an interesting moment in Rochelle’s fantasy, in which she tells Mr. Roarke that she feels foolish coming to the Island in pursuit of a “fantasy.”  She feels that she’s being childish but Roarke explains that fantasies are not childish and that one should always pursue their dreams.  Whether it was intentional or not, this scene serves as a mission statement for the entire series.  Yes, Fantasy Island was frequently silly and childish but, in the end, it still resonates because people will always have dreams and they will always have fantasies.  There will always be a place for Fantasy Island.

October Hacks: Sweet Sixteen (dir by Jim Sotos)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

1983’s Sweet Sixteen takes place in a small town in Texas.

Sherriff Dan Burke (Bo Hopkins) does his best to try to maintain the peace but it’s not always easy.  Not when a good majority of the town is prejudiced against the Native Americans living on a nearby reservation.  There’s a major archeological dig happening on the reservation, headed up by Dr. John Morgan (Patrick Macnee), but the town doesn’t care about any of the artifacts that Dr. Morgan and his team might discover.  They’re too busy harassing local activist Jason Longshadow (Don Shanks) for stepping into the wrong bar.

However, a distraction from all of the casual racism has arrived in the form of Dr. Morgan’s daughter, Melissa (Aleisa Shirley).  Soon, it seems like every teenage boy and young man in town is lusting after Melissa.  Melissa, for her part, is only fifteen years old and is struggling to deal with all of the attention.  Sometimes, she enjoys the attention.  Sometimes, she just wants to be left alone.  (Believe me, as someone who had adults hitting on her when she was 13, I could relate.)  Melissa’s birthday is coming up and her mother (Susan Strasberg) is planning on throwing a big party and inviting the whole town to come over and celebrate.  Sheriff Burke thinks it’s a great idea.  “This town could use something to celebrate.”

The only problem is that any boy who so much as looks at Melissa ends up getting brutally murdered.  When an old Native American man named Greyfeather (Henry Wilcoxin) is spotted near the scene of one of the crimes, the local redneck blame him for the murders and tragedy ensues.  Sheriff Burke has to find the real murderer and, whether he likes it or not, he’s going to get some help from his kids, Hank (Steve Antin) and Marci (Dana Kimmel).

Hank and Marci really are this film’s secret weapons.  In the past, I’ve been pretty critical of Dana Kimmel’s performance in Friday the 13th Part 3 and her insistence that her character be re-written to reflect her own religious beliefs and desire to be a good role model.  However, Kimmel is really likable (and perhaps more appropriately cast) as the fiercely intelligent but still relatively innocent Marci, who reads murder mysteries and is totally excited about the prospect of getting to solve a real murder.  Hank is perhaps a bit less enthusiastic about about crime-solving than Marci but he still helps out his sister because she’s his sister.  Awwwwww!

Sweet Sixteen is a bit of an untraditional slasher film, one that is as concerned with social issues as is it was stalking and slashing teenagers.  Perhaps that explains why it has a slightly better cast than the typical 80s slasher, with veteran actors like Patrick McNee, Susan Stasberg, and Bo Hopkins acting opposite equally capable but younger actors like Kimmel, Antin, and Aleisa Shirley.  It’s also a surprisingly likable slasher film, due to the Dana Kimmel and Steve Antin’s engaging lead performances.  Honestly, I think it’s kind of a shame that there weren’t a series of films featuring Marci and Hank solving crimes.  Dana Kimmel and Steve Antin make quite a team in this above average slasher.

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 2.20 “Birthday Party/Ghostbreaker”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Mr. Roarke reunites a family and arranges for a man to battle a “ghost.”

Episode 2.20 “Birthday Party/Ghostbreaker”

(Dir by Cliff Bole, originally aired on March 3rd, 1979)

This week, Tattoo has both a joy buzzer and a pink carnation that squirts water.  He explains to Mr. Roarke that he read somewhere the women love a man with a sense of humor.  “I want to be the king of humor on Fantasy Island,” he explains.

“Lucky us,” Mr. Roarke replies while dramatically rolling his eyes and reminding viewers of just how much he despises his scene-stealing assistant.

As for the two fantasies, this is another episode where the fantasies don’t really seem like they should be happening on the same island.  One is rather serious.  The other is a bit cartoonish.

The first guest to get off the plane is Elliott Fielding (Ken Berry), a librarian who believes in ghosts and who is pretty sure that he knows how to exorcise a ghost from a haunted location.  He’s so confident that he’s even written a book about it.  However, because Elliott has never actually seen a ghost, no one is willing to publish his book.  Elliott’s fantasy is to exorcise a real ghost and prove that his theories are true.  Mr. Roarke obliges by taking him to a mansion that Roarke explains was once occupied by a murderer known as the Gentleman Strangler.  Now, however, it’s a private all-girls boarding school!  (This is one of those episodes that leaves the viewer wondering just what exactly Fantasy Island is exactly.  When the show started, it was just a resort.  Now, it appears to have become a thriving nation, home to not only industry but also an exclusive boarding school.)

The school’s students have been reporting sightings of the ghost of the Gentleman Strangler.  Elliott sets out to exorcise the ghost and along the way, he falls in love with the school’s headmistress (Annette Funicello).  He also finds an enemy in the form of the school’s fencing instructor (Larry Storch).  Oddly there aren’t any other teachers at the school so I guess the students just spend all of their learning how to fence.

This was an odd fantasy because, on the one hand, you had this ghost potentially threatening to strangle a bunch of teenage girls and, on the other hand, you had the very broad comedy of Ken Berry and Larry Storch facing off.  Of course, it turns out that there really wasn’t a ghost haunting the school so, at first, it appears that Elliott’s fantasy didn’t come true.  However, after Elliott leaves, Roarke explains to Tattoo that Elliott actually did meet a ghost when he had a conversation with a helpful handyman.  That probably would have been a good thing to let Elliott know before he left but …. well, Mr. Roarke does what he wants.  If there’s any lesson to be learned from watching Fantasy Island, it’s that Mr. Roarke makes the rules and it is best to never question his arbitrary decisions.

Meanwhile, Carol Gates (Janet Leigh) comes to the island to be reunited with the twins (Skye Aubrey and Christopher Stone) that she gave up for her adoption.  I was expecting the twins to reject her or to be angry.  Instead, with her support, her son gets signed to a football team and her daughter decides not give her own children up for adoption.  Yay!  It was a bit of an easy fantasy, with little of the drama that I was expecting.  But Janet Leigh was a talented actress and she’s good here, bringing a lot of genuine emotion the story.

The fantasies were a bit mismatched but I like ghost stories (even when they’re a bit silly) and Janet Leigh is one of my favorite actresses so this trip to Fantasy Island was worth it.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 2.10 “Man of the Cloth / Her Own Two Feet / Tony’s Family”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

It’s time to give thanks as the Love Boat sets sail for another holiday adventure!

Episode 2.10 “Man of the Cloth / Her Own Two Feet / Tony’s Family”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on November 17th, 1978)

It’s time for the big Thanksgiving cruise and love is in the air!

Unfortunately, the ship’s chief engineer calls in sick the day of the cruise.  The ship can’t sail without a chief engineer!  Rather than cancel the cruise, Captain Stubing decides that assistant engineer Tony Santini (Larry Storch) will just have to give up his Thanksgiving and work on the cruise.  Needless to say, Tony is not happy about this.  As he explains to Gopher and Julie, his entire family is in town and he was planning on spending his holiday with them.  Julie comes up with a brilliant idea!  Maybe Tony’s family could secretly take the cruise with Tony.  They can just sneak on board and remember to stay away from the captain.  Tony agrees.  Of course, it then turns out that Tony has a gigantic family.  Along with his wife and his children, he is also accompanied by his parents, neither of whom speak English.  His parents bring a chicken with them.

The crew goes out of their way to keep the Captain from discovering the stowaways but, eventually, the chicken gets loose and Stubing figures out what is going on.  The entire crew — including the Captain — volunteers to pay for the family’s tickets but Tony announces that he doesn’t take charity.  He’ll figure out a way to pay the bill.

While that’s going on, Rev. Gerald Whitney (Peter Graves) is excited to find love on the cruise.  The only problem is that the woman who he’s fallen in love with (Roz Kelley) is also a stripper!  Rev. Whitney doesn’t care but unfortunately, Barbara Sharp (Vivian Blane) does.  Barbara just happens to be a member of Whitney’s church and she is shocked to see the reverend and the stripper together on the cruise.  Barbara gets so judgmental that her husband, Phil (Alan Young), threatens to divorce her.  Barbara and Phil finally have a heart-to-heart talk in the casino.  Barbara agrees to stop being so judgmental.  Phil agrees to stop gambling as soon as he puts his last silver dollar in the ship’s slot machine.  That silver dollar was given to him by one Tony’s kids and when the slot machine pays off, Phil and Barbara give all of the money to Tony’s family.  Yay!  Now Tony can pay for the cruise.

(I guess the lesson here is that, if you’re going to be a stowaway, make sure the ship has a casino.)

Finally, Bert (Van Johnson) and his wife, Audrey (June Allyson), are having to adjust to life now that Audrey has gone blind.  Fortunately, Doc Bricker takes a break from hitting on every woman on the boat and gives them some words of encouragement.  Soon, Bert is no longer lying about Audrey’s condition and Audrey is using her cane and learning how to read braille.

This episode felt a bit weird.  Obviously, the most interesting story was the reverend falling in love with a stripper but the show itself devoted more energy to Tony and his family and Phil gambling.  To be honest, with the amount of time that Phil spent in the casino, he came across like he might have a problem.  Hopefully, he went straight from the cruise to Gamblers Anonymous.  The guest stars themselves just seemed to be going through the motions and the end result was a fairly forgettable Thanksgiving.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 1.15 & 1.16 “The Eyes of Love / Masquerade / Hollywood Royalty / The Caper: Parts 1 & 2”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week’s episode of The Love Boat is one of historical value so let’s climb aboard and get to it!

Episodes 1.15 & 1.16 “The Eyes of Love / Masquerade / Hollywood Royalty / The Caper: Parts 1 & 2”

(Dir by Allen Baron, originally aired on January 21st, 1978)

This is an important episode for two reasons.

First off, this episode marked the first time that the opening credits featured video of the guest stars along with their names.  This was the only time that this was done during the first season, though it would become a regular feature of the show from the second season forward.

Secondly, excluding the three pilot films that aired before the series was ordered, this was the first super-sized two hour episode of The Love Boat.  This episode is split into two parts when it airs in syndication, which is why it’s listed as being the 15th and the 16th episode of The Love Boat. 

Oddly enough, despite all of that, it’s pretty much a standard episode.  Usually, whenever a TV shows airs an extra-long episode, it’s because some important event is occurring.  Usually, either someone’s getting married or someone’s leaving the show or maybe an actor died and the show needs an extra hour to pay tribute to them.  In this case, though, it’s just a typical cruise of the love boat, complete with three separate stories and a lot of time spent looking at the ocean.

For instance, Roz Rogers (Michele Lee) and Bill Teague (Fernado Lamas) are a famous and glamorous Hollywood couple who book a voyage and who are followed all the way to the dock by the paparazzi.  As quickly becomes clear, Bill and Roz’s relationship is not as perfect as the world believes.  Still, Bill is convinced that their relationship can be fixed by Roz co-starring in an old-fashioned adventure film that he wrote.  Along with having written the script, Bill hopes to direct, produce, and star in it.  Roz is a bit skeptical but fear not, everything works out in the end and she finally convinces Bill that she loves him for him and not because he’s a star.

Roz boards the boat with not just Bill’s script but also a large and valuable diamond.  A group of jewelry thieves follow her onto the boat, hoping to steal the diamond for themselves.  Vernon (Howard Gould) is the arrogant leader of the group.  Taffy (Karen Valentine) distracts Gopher, Doc, and the Captain by flirting with them.  Elwood (Larry Storch) is the group’s technician.  And Ox (John Schuck) is the muscle who tends to take things literally.  When the first attempt to steal the jewel fails, Vernon disguises himself as Captain Stubing and Gavin MacLeod gets a chance to do something more than just look slightly annoyed by the crew.  To be honest, I actually enjoyed the jewelry theft subplot far more than I was expecting.  Gould, Valentine, Storch, and Schuck all seemed to be having fun playing off of each other.  Plus, the whole story ended with a nice little twist that James Cameron would later use in Titanic.

(No, the Love Boat does not sink.)

While this is going on, a blind girl named Jenny (Stephanie Zimbalist) is stunned to discover that one of her former classmates, Steve (Desi Arnaz, Jr.), is also on the boat.  Jenny and Steve fall in love but Steve has recently gotten back his sight and Jenny worries that he won’t want to spend the rest of his life with someone who can’t see.  Fortunately, it turns out that Jenny’s wrong.

Finally, Alan (Dan Rowan) is horrified to discover that not only are both his wife (Juliet Mills) and his mistress (Adrienne Barbeau) on the cruise together but that they’ve become friends.  Alan was an adulterous jerk so it was pretty difficult to really care about this story.  

Again, it was pretty much a typical episode of The Love Boat, despite the extra length and the inclusion of a masquerade ball during the episode’s 2nd hour.  That said, the thieves were funnier than they had any right to be and the Jenny/Steve storyline was sweet.  The ocean scenery was lovely.  That’s really all I ask from The Love Boat.  This episode delivered.

Kolchak: The Night Stalker 1.4 “The Vampire” (dir by Don Weis)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

On tonight’s episode of Kolchak….

Kolchak is on assignment in Los Angeles and he’s shocked to discover that the town is turning into a city of vampires!  This episode is a sequel to the made-for-TV movie that first introduced to Carl Kolchak to the world.  Not only does this episode feature a vampire but it also features the great character actor, William Daniels.  William Daniels is one of those actors who plays astonishment quite well so his scenes with Kolchak are a lot of fun.

This episode originally aired on October 4th, 1974.

Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H4wykRWPOkQ