Canadian Dances Scenes That I Love: Jamie Lee Curtis and Casey Stevens in Prom Night

Posted on July 2, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Prom Night … everything is alright…

Since today is technically still Canada Day, I figured why not share one of the greatest dance scenes ever filmed? This scene is from the classic 1980 film, Prom Night, and it features Jamie Lee Curtis and Casey Stevens showing what they can do on the dance floor!

Well, actually, it shows Jamie Lee Curtis showing what she could do. According to David Grove’s Jamie Lee Curtis, Scream Queen, Casey Stevens claimed that he could dance but, when it came time to shoot the scene, he turned out to be rather awkward and the responsibility for selling the scene pretty much fell completely on Jamie Lee Curtis’s shoulders. As Prom Night co-star MaryBeth Rubens put it, it was impossible to imagine Casey and Jamie Lee ever being a couple in real life, despite the fact that they were during the making of this film.

Interestingly enough, Prom Night would later bring Jamie Lee Curtis her first acting nomination when she was nominated for a Genie Award for Best Foreign Actress. (Indeed, one of the interesting thing about the early history of the Genie Awards is just how many slasher films were nominated. Apparently, during the early 80s, the Canadian film industry was a bit less robust than it is today.) That said, Jamie Lee does give a really good performance in this film and dammit, she deserved the award!

(Or, at the very least, I assume she did. I’m not really sure to whom she lost and I’m too lazy to look it up on Wikipedia.)

(Okay, screw it. I felt guilty for being lazy so I decided to look it up. Jamie Lee Curtis lost to Susan Sarandon, who won for her performance in Atlantic City. Since Sarandon’s role was actually a supporting one to Burt Lancaster’s, I still say that Curtis should have won.)

The song’s great too.

So, enjoy this scene and just try not to dance!

Here’s The Trailer for David Gordon Green’s Halloween!

Posted on June 8, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Somewhat under the radar, Texas’s David Gordon Green has had one of the most interesting and varied film careers of any modern filmmaker. How many other directors would be capable of directing both Your Highness and Joe?

Green’s latest film is a sequel/remake/reboot of the horror classic, Halloween. The trailer picks up decades after the end of John Carpenter’s film, with Michael Myers again coming for his sister (Jamie Lee Curtis) and, this time, his niece (Judy Greer). However, Laurie isn’t just passively waiting for the next night that he comes home. Laurie’s got a gun and she’s not shy about using it.

So, judging from this trailer, all of the original Halloween sequels never happened. Needless to say, the two Rob Zombie films have been pushed to the side as well. Whether that’s a good thing or not will depend on how you feel about those films. I’ll be sorry to lose Halloween II but the one with Busta Rhymes? Who cares? Rob Zombie’s first Halloween was good but his second one can ride out of town on a mysterious white horse for all I care.

As for this latest film, the trailer looks good. I have faith in David Gordon Green.

Horror Book Review: Jamie Lee Curtis: Scream Queen by David Grove

Posted on October 31, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I cannot let this Halloween end without recommending Jamie Lee Curtis: Scream Queen, David Grove’s biography of one of horror cinema’s most iconic stars.

As you can probably guess from the title, the focus of this book is on the start of Jamie Lee Curtis’s career, when she was almost exclusively appearing in slasher films. Beginning with her starring role in Halloween and going all the way through films like Terror Train, Prom Night, Road Games, The Fog, and Halloween 2, the book shows both how Curtis dealt with suddenly being a horror icon and how she eventually left the horror genre behind in an effort to show that she was capable of doing more than just screaming and running. Eventually, as the book details, she reached a point where she could return to horror with Halloween H20 but, for a while, her horror work was truly a double-edged sword. It made her famous but it also kept her from being considered for the type of roles that she truly hoped to play.

That said, this book takes refreshingly positive look at her early film career, providing both serious analysis of and fascinating behind-the-scenes details about all of Curtis’s horror films. Yes, even Prom Night.

In fact, the two chapters devoted to Prom Night were probably my favorite part of the book. Though Curtis herself was not interviewed, several members of the cast and crew were and their recollections of their work on this not-very-good but oddly watchable film provide an interesting portrait of life during a low-budget movie shoot. Of course, everyone focuses on how in awe they were of Jamie but, at the same time, they are also open about their own personal feelings and recollections about the shooting of this movie. Their hopes and dreams, many of them destined to be unfulfilled, come through just as vividly as their memories of watching Jamie Lee Curtis film the famous disco scene. The passages dealing with Casey Stevens, who played Jamie’s Prom Night boyfriend and subsequently died of AIDS, are especially moving. In the end, Jamie Lee Curits; Scream Queen is not just a biography of Jamie Lee Curtis. It’s a tribute to both movies and the people who make them.

If you’re a lover of the horror genre or a student of film history, this is one of those book that you simply must have. It’s got just about everything that you could possibly want.

A Movie A Day #229: Amazing Grace and Chuck (1987, directed by Mike Newell)

Posted on August 25, 2017 by Jedadiah Leland

Amazing Grace and Chuck has a heartfelt message but it ultimately trips over its own good intentions.

Chuck (Joshua Zuelkhe) is a 12 year-old boy who lives in Montana and who is the best little league pitcher in the state. Because a field trip to a missile silo causes him to have nightmares, Chuck announces that he will not play baseball until the world agrees to nuclear disarmament. Chuck’s team ends up having to forfeit a game because Chuck refuses to play. In the real world, this would lead to Chuck enduring 6 years of ridicule and bullying until he was finally old enough to change his name and go to college in a different state. In the world of the movies, it leads to Chuck becoming a hero.

A basketball player named Amazing Grace (Alex English) reads a news story about Chuck’s protest and he decides to protest as well. He announces that he will not play basketball until there are no more nuclear missiles. Before you can say “Colin Kaepernick,” hundreds of other sports stars are following Amazing Grace’s lead. Of course, if any group of people is well known for their willingness to give up a huge payday for a quixotic and largely symbolic protest, it’s America’s professional athletes. Amazing Grace and the athletes even move out to Montana, so that they can be closer to Chuck.

Because they do not appreciate his efforts to put all sporting events (and all betting on sporting events) on hold, the Mafia makes plans to assassinate Amazing Grace. Chuck protests this by taking a vow of silence. By now, it is hard to keep track of what Chuck is protesting and how. Is he still trying for world disarmament or has he moved on to getting the Mob out of professional sports? All the other children of the world follow Chuck’s example, refusing to speak. In the real world, children taking a vow of silence would lead to parents celebrating in the street but, in the movie, it leads to panic and causes the Soviets to assume they have the upper hand over the west. The President (Gregory Peck) ruins it all by inviting Chuck to the White House. When President Peck explains that people are not allowed to shout fire in a crowded movie theater, Chuck breaks his vow of silence to ask, “But what if there’s a fire?”

There are many problems with Amazing Grace and Chuck, including the dumb Mafia subplot that seems like it should be in a different movie and Chuck coming across as being a smug little creep. Joshua Zuehlke made his film debut as Chuck and, on the basis of his performance, it is not surprising that he has never appeared in another film since. By the end of the movie, even Gregory Peck is sick of Chuck and his demands. It’s obviously a heartfelt film, which is probably why actors like Peck, Jamie Lee Curtis, and William L. Petersen all appeared in it despite presumably having a hundred better things to do, but a nuanced look at détente and the arms race, Amazing Grace and Chuck is not.

20 Horror Icons Who Were Never Nominated For An Oscar

Posted on February 26, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Though they’ve given some of the best, iconic, and award-worthy performances in horror history, the actors and actresses below have never been nominated for an Oscar.

Asia Argento

Perhaps because of charges of nepotism, people are quick to overlook just how good Asia Argento was in those films she made with Dario Argento. Her work in Trauma especially deserves to be reevaluated. Outside of her work with Dario, Asia gave great, self-directed performances in Scarlet Diva and The Heart is Deceitful Above All Things.

2. Jamie Lee Curtis

“Prom Night! Everything is all right!” Did you know that Jamie Lee Curtis received a Genie Nomination for her performance in Prom Night? That could be because, in 1980, there weren’t that many movies being produced in Canada but still, Jamie was pretty good in that film. And, of course, there’s a little film called Halloween…

3. Peter Cushing

The beloved Hammer horror veteran did wonderful work as both Frankenstein and Van Helsing. Personally, I love his odd cameo in Shock Waves.

4. Robert Englund

One, two, Freddy’s coming for you…

5. Lance Henriksen

One of the great character actors, Lance Henriksen gave one of the best vampire performances of all time in Kathryn Bigelow’s Near Dark.

6. David Hess

In just two films — Wes Craven’s Last House On The Left and Ruggero Deodato’s The House On The Edge of the Park — Hess defined screen evil. If nothing else, he deserved an Oscar for composing The Road Leads To Nowhere.

7. Boris Karloff

As our own Gary Loggins will tell you, it’s a crime that Boris Karloff never received an Oscar nomination. He may be best remembered for Frankenstein but, for me, Karloff’s best performance was in Targets.

8. Camille Keaton

Yes, Camille Keaton did deserve a Best Actress nomination for I Spit On Your Grave.

9. Klaus Kinski

The notorious and talented Klaus Kinski was never nominated for an Oscar. Perhaps the Academy was scared of what he would do if he won. But, that said, Kinski gave some of the best performances of all time, in films for everyone from Jess Franco to Werner Herzog.

10. Christopher Lee

That the amazing Christopher Lee was never nominated is a shock. Though he will always be Dracula, Lee gave wonderful performances in films of all genres. Lee always cited the little-seen Jinnah as being his best performance.

11. Bela Lugosi

The original Dracula, Lugosi never escaped typecasting. Believe it or not, one of his finest performances was in one of the worst (if most enjoyable) films of all time, Ed Wood’s Bride of the Monster.

12. Catriona MacColl

This English actress gave three excellent performances in each chapter of Lucio Fulci’s Beyond Trilogy, with her performance in The House By The Cemetery elevating the entire film.

13. Daria Nicolodi

This Italian actress served as a muse to two of the best directors around, Dario Argento and Mario Bava. Her award-worthy performances include Deep Red and, especially, Shock.

14. Bill Paxton

This great Texas actor gave award-worthy performances in everything from Near Dark to Aliens to Frailty. RIP.

15. Donald Pleasence

Dr. Loomis! As good as he was in Halloween, Pleasence also gave excellent performances in Roman Polanski’s Cul-de-Sac and a nightmarish Australian film called Wake in Fright.

16. Vincent Price

The great Vincent Price never seems to get the respect that he deserves. He may have overacted at times but nobody went overboard with as much style as Vincent Price. His most award-worthy performance? The Witchfinder General.

17. Giovanni Lombardo Radice

The greatest of all the Italian horror stars, Radice is still active, gracious, and beloved by his many fans. Quentin Tarantino is a self-described fan so it’s time for Tarantino to write him a great role.

18. Michael Rooker

To many people, this great character actor will always be Henry.

19. Joe Spinell

This character actor will always be remembered for playing the lead role in the original Maniac but he also appeared in some of the most acclaimed films of all time. Over the course of a relatively short career, Spinell appeared in everything from The Godfather to Taxi Driver to Rocky to Starcrash. He was the American Klaus Kinski,

20. Barbara Steele

Barbara Steele has worked with everyone from Mario Bava to Jonathan Demme to David Cronenberg to Federico Fellini. Among her many excellent performances, her work in Black Sunday and Caged Heat stands out as particularly memorable.

Halloween Resurrection: ALT Title: Big Brother in Hell, but boring

Posted on October 30, 2016 by casewright

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Dearest Gentle Readers, we have reached the last installment of the Halloween review series- there have been peaks and there have been subterranean valleys. Halloween Resurrection is a valley that hides under a viaduct that is peed in constantly by drunken hobos; it’s not good. Sorry to end on a low note, but Resurrection really shit the bed. Halloween H20 was a throwback to suspense and cleverness and Resurrection is a throwback to sitting in the DMV and hoping you’ll have a cardiac event. It is obvious to me that the writing sunk this film. The actors in both films were pretty good. In fact, the second film had Katee Sackhoff of BSG fame, but terrible writing can sink the greatest performances. In this case, Halloween Resurrection had the unholy mixture of being boring and preachy. Not a huge shocker that the person who wrote Resurrection was Larry Brand who went on to bore us by writing the script for “Girl on the Train.” Rick Rosenthal, the Resurrection director, is very talented, but when your script is garbage, you can’t expect miracles, but you can expect a terrible movie.

We begin by learning that JLC didn’t kill her brother; It was a setup. BLECHHH! JLC is in an asylum and MM comes in, kills her, and gives the knife to a mental patient – framing him. I’m not writing more than that because it sucked so bad. This opening pissed me off because it negated the better previous film and did it in a shitty way. RAGE GROWING!!! The opening sequence deserves capital punishment and then to be dug up and shot. RAGE!

HOW I FEEL ABOUT THIS OVER LONG COLD OPEN:

rage

*Breathes into paper bag*

Busta Rhymes and Tyra Banks are making an Internet reality show. Sarah, the heroine, is ambivalent. Katee Sackhoff plays a fame whore. There’s a guy from American Pie. There’s a very attractive Ginger. A guy who looks like Booger from Revenge of the Nerds. A guy named Rudy. Deckar is a 15 year old who is Sarah’s Internet Boyfriend and likely the first Internet catfish who never sees Sarah, but helps her along the way like Al in Quantum Leap (Quantum Leap was a show about how Presidents practiced nude decoupage….PROVE ME WRONG … by watching the show).

Busta and Tyra have set up all of the Internet participants to stay at the Haddonfield home of MM with crazy evil props everywhere – think if Big Brother took a psychopathic, yet boring left turn.

Deckar is convinced by his friend to go to a party and get offline because then they can meet people IRL and get laid. Deckar’s friend has a point, but it gets belaboured because this movie sucks. They go to a Halloween party dressed like Pulp Fiction characters because their 14 year old peers would totally get the reference somehow to a movie that came out when they were 4. Deckar – a fifteen year old boy – sneaks away from the party, goes into a room alone, shuts the door, turns on the homeowner’s computer, gets comfy in swivel chair, goes onto the Internet, and totally does NOT engage in self-abuse….OKAY, that’s his story and he’s sticking to it! He watches the Big Brother from Hell and starts to think that there might be some real murdering going on in the BB From Hell House.

American Pie guy pervs on Katee Sackhoff and nearly gets some where, but is soon killed.

Teens walk in on Deckar, seeing him on the computer alone in the room and the teen boy shouts, PERV! Finally, some honesty in this film in re: onanism!

BB From Hell: Booger tries to convince Ginger to have sex with him. We learn that she is a”Critical Studies” major. CRITICAL STUDIES?!!! CAN’T ANYTHING BE REAL?! Seriously movie, fuck off! You’re not even trying! Initially, Ginger spurns Booger’s moves, but then out of nowhere, Ginger needs to pork Booger. FINE.

Wait…I’m calling the police:

9-1-1: What is your emergency?

Me: I want to report an ongoing theft and assault.

9-1-1: What is being stolen and who is being assaulted?

Me: All viewers of this terrible film are having their valuable time stolen.

9-1-1: Sir, who is being assaulted?

Me: Art Itself! FIND HIM…LARRY BRAND!

9-1-1: Oh yeah, he did that terrible train movie thing…We’re inbound.

Sarah and the others confront Busta Rhymes about the BB House from Hell. He admits that it’s all fake. Soon after, all of the moderately interesting people are killed: Booger, Ginger, Katee Sackhoff, Rudy, and Tyra Banks (she’s killed off screen).

Only Busta and Sarah are left to save the day. They battle MM and electrocute him, but he opens his eyes at the end, so whatever.

There are times when writers should be failed.

Wait, I just got a letter from Larry Brand. He apologizes for being just awful.

Halloween H20; ALT Title: They Stab Baby Boomers, Don’t They?

Posted on October 29, 2016 by casewright

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Gentle Readers, Is it time for Michael Myers? Oh yeah. Is it time for Halloween H20? Oh Yeah! You bet your ass it is!

Halloween H20 is a lot of fun and had a deep bench of talent. Robert Zappia and Matt Greenberg wrote the film and Veteran Horror Director Steve Miner helmed it. Robert Zappia went on to write for Children’s Television and Graphic Novels. Matt Greenberg later wrote “Reign of Fire” and “1408” – both films had good moments of suspense. I wrote to Robert Zappia and he informed me that the rest stop scene, which I will discuss later was written by Matt Greenberg. He and director Steve Miner knew what they were doing to jolt us without any jumpscares. The casting was very well done and, it was, in fact a who’s who of soon to be Stars. Here we go!!!

Langdon, Illinois. October 28, 1998. I just needed to smell the clove cigarettes, see the flannel, and not see any cell phones to know it. A simpler time. For the uninitiated, the 90s were a time when you met someone that you had attraction for in person. A Nurse is concerned that her office was broken into by a person unknown. We see younger Joseph Gordon Levitt (Pre-Looper). He was not manly in any way, but a real heart throb in his “3rd Rock” days. Of course, they have him playing Hockey … somehow. Nurse asks Levitt to search her home. He goofs around and steals some beers. The Nurse realizes that her files were stolen. Which files? Wait for it…. Laurie Strode’s. She looks around for Levitt and his friend. They were not so creatively killed with Hockey Skates to the face. He kills her too and steals her car. There is also a bit of continuity trouble with the daylight turning to night abruptly. Let’s take a moment and think about this: Michael Myers is really good at intelligence gathering, stealing, and killing. If only we could harness his skills for Uncle Sugar…..

We’re goin back to Haddonfield to Haddonfield to Haddonfield …. Nah, I don’t think so! [sung]

Random California Town: We see Jamie Lee Curtis fresh off from “True Lies”and the Headmistress of an elite boarding school. She has a grown son- Josh Hartnett (Josh) who really really wants to go camping in Yosemite. She won’t let him go. Sorry Josh, you’re just gonna have to stay home and make out with Michelle Williams. How will he possibly manage?! Speaking of the 90s, we’ve got Michelle Williams (MW), Chicago Hope Guy (CHG), Jodi Lynn O’Keefe (Jodi), LL Cool J (LL Cool J), and Ally McBeal (jk on this last one…probably). Through some not bad showing not telling, we learn: LL Cool J is an aspiring trashy romance novel writer AKA as a Paaaaaperback Wriiiiiiter, Jamie Lee and CHG are k-i-s-s-i-n-g, Jodi is dating a guy way below her level of hotness, and we can tell Michelle Williams is on financial aid because she works in the kitchen and uses a dumbwaiter.

CUT TO: A Mom pulls into a rest stop. We see the stolen car in the BG. This scene is pretty goddamn suspenseful! Well done, Robert Zappia. MM isn’t there to kill, just steal the mom’s car. Damn, MM is a great car thief!

Josh is all in lurve with Michelle Williams, sending her flowers in the dumbwaiter. JLC and CHG make out again. These are the horniest baby boomers ever! Josh wants to go into town. JLC says no. He convinces LL Cool J to let him sneak out. LL, I get it – Josh is dreamy, but you have a job responsibilities. Plus, I don’t think he’s the supermarket romance novel kind of guy; Josh’s more of the porking Michelle Williams kind of guy. JLC is out with CHG and snakes a drink when he goes to the bathroom. Good showing! She catches Josh off the compound…I mean school grounds. He lets her have it.

Back to the school: JLC releases the kids to Yosemite and her son so she believes so that the victims ….I mean residents….can be a …killable number. JLC gets home and boozes up. Josh has totally Dawson’s Creeked the make out basement area. I’m with Josh on this one. I’ve been to Yosemite and Yellowstone and thye’ve got Old Faithful, but if Michelle Williams is your other option …I don’t even want to write choice because Old Faithful could get its feelings hurt. I’m not saying that Josh isn’t planning on some regularly scheduled eruptions coupled with amateur photography, but it’s likely not at a national park.

JLC and CHG are making out … again. She tells him all about her brother being a murdering sociopath to set the mood and give herself an excuse to polish off more vodka.

This story has been pretty compelling, but it’s stabbing time. MM finds the way too ugly to date Jodi O’Keefe guy, cuts his throat, and puts him in the dumbwaiter. MM really likes things in their place; it makes you wonder if psychopathic murderers are OCD people gone to a terrible extreme. I knew a girl in college who would check her car doors to see if they were locked over and over. Maybe she murdered people too? Jodi looks for her BF and gets stalked by MM. She flees to the dumbwaiter and is next to her dead BF. She gets to the basement, but as she exits, MM cuts the dumbwaiter cord, the dumbwaiter lands on her leg, and her leg breaks horribly. Josh and Michelle find their friends all dead. They run to JLC. She sees her brother – Yikes. They must have the most awkward Thanksgivings! Seriously, it must be much worse than the year my girls and I wore Bernie Sanders shirts and my mom started quoting Ayn Rand over stuffing.

They all run and CHG accidentally shoots LL J. Bummer. CHG gets stabbed for his trouble. JLC ,MW, and Josh run, but he gets wounded and MW hits MM with a rock. Michelle Williams might be perfect: smart, can cook, gorgeous, can fight … Call Me. JLC badasses and sends MW and Josh off to safety as she gets an axe to deal with her brother. You go girl! They confront each other in the dining hall. It’s a pretty amazingly suspenseful scene. Seriously, the writer and director really kicked ass with this and many other scenes. Well done. JLC gets the upper hand and stabs MM. She’s ready to cut him up into bits when LL shows up, telling her he’s dead. Word? If only LL had been reading our reviews, he would know that this is not the end.

The Coroners show up, but JLC isn’t having it! She grabs the van and proceeds to drive MM out to the woods and chop his head off. Pretty awesome ending! I have to be honest this film is not really dated, it has terrific suspense, great writing, edgy directing. I would recommend making this a staple of Halloween season viewing.

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Reblog: Lisa’s Thoughts on Halloween II (directed by Rick Rosenthal)

Posted on October 26, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

And now that you’ve re-read Arleigh’s review of the original Halloween, why not check out my review of the original Halloween II? This was originally published in 2012! After reading this, be sure to check back in about 90 minutes for Case’s review of Halloween 4! And then come back on Thursday for Halloween 5! (Where’s Halloween 3? It will be dealt with as soon as we finish the saga of Michael Myers…)

Through the Shattered Lens

Last night, I watched Halloween II. No, I’m not referring to the rather disturbing Rob Zombie movie that came out in 2009. Instead, this Halloween II was the original sequel to the original Halloween. This version was written by John Carpenter and Debra Hill. It was released in 1981 and I saw it in 2012, via Cinemax.

Why Was I Watching It?

Because it’s October, of course! It’s horror month and Halloween is one of the great horror movies. Would Halloween II turn out to be another great horror movie? Well, to be honest, I figured it probably wouldn’t but I decided to watch it anyway.

What Was It About?

Halloween II picks up exactly from where the first Halloween ended. The sole surviving babysitter, Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis), is being rushed to the hospital by two paramedics, one nice (Lance Guest) and one kinda crude and pervy (Leo Rossi). …

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Reblog: Arleigh’s Review Of The Original Halloween (dir. by John Carpenter)

Posted on October 26, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Hi everyone! Lisa here! As Halloween approaches, now is the perfect time for us to take a look back at the infamous and trend-setting career of Michael Myers. In about 90 minutes, Case will be posting his review of Halloween 4. However, before reading that, why not re-read Arleigh’s thoughts on the one that started it all, the original Halloween! From 2010, here’s Arleigh’s review…

Through the Shattered Lens

What better way to bring back a new daily grindhouse than the film which started the teen slasher genre. I speak of John Carpenter’s Halloween.

The film was truly a child of 1970’s independent filmmaking. With a budget of just $320,000 (even adjusting for inflation it’s still quite low) Carpenter made what’s considered one of horror’s defining films. Carpenter’s film was a smash hit when it was released in 1978. It played mostly in drive-in’s, grindhouse cinema houses before finally appearing in more mainstream venues. By then the film had become one of those must-see titles that many films both independent and mainstream try for but fail to do.

Some have commented that since Halloween was such a success in the box-office then it shouldn’t be considered grindhouse. I look at such thinking as quite narrow. Grindhouse was never synonymous with bad filmmaking. If one said the term meant…

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Embracing the Melodrama Part II #74: Perfect (dir by James Bridges)

Posted on May 14, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Okay,before reviewing the 1985 film Perfect, I have three things to say.

Number one, I nearly captioned the picture above “John Travolta, Jamie Lee Curtis, and Little Xenu.” And then I laughed and laughed. But, in the end, I resisted temptation because I’m an adult now.

Number two, Perfect came out in June in 1985, a few months before I was born. As a result, I have no idea what the 1985 reviews looked like. However, it still seems to me that you’re taking a big risk when you give a movie a title like Perfect, especially when the movie itself is far from perfect. How many reviews opened with, “Perfect fails to live up to its name…”

And finally, as a result of seeing both this film and Staying Alive, I have to say, “What the Hell, John Travolta?” Seriously, what the Hell was going on? John Travolta gave a great performance in the 1970s, with Saturday Night Fever. And then in the 1990s, he was good in Pulp Fiction, Get Shorty, Face/Off, Primary Colors, and a few others. (For our purposes here, we shall pretend that Battlefield Earth never happened.) Even though most of Travolta’s recent films have been forgettable, his performances have generally been adequate.

So, seriously, John — what was going on in the 80s? Because judging from both Perfect and Staying Alive, John Travolta apparently totally forgot how to act during that decade. When I reviewed Staying Alive, I said that Travolta’s performance managed to create a whole new definition of bad. But he’s actually even worse in Perfect. It helped, of course, that in Staying Alive, Travolta’s character was supposed to be stupid. In Perfect, on the other hand, he’s actually supposed to be a brilliant reporter.

Or, at the very least, he’s supposed to be brilliant by the standards of Rolling Stone. Travolta plays Adam Lawrence, an award-winning reporter for Rolling Stone. The magazine, by the way, plays itself and so does its publisher, Jann Wenner (though his character is technically named Mark Roth). What’s interesting is that the film itself doesn’t necessarily paint a flattering picture of Rolling Stone or Jann Wenner, though admittedly a lot of that is due to the fact that Wenner himself gives a performance that is even worse than Travolta’s. It’s impossible to watch Perfect without thinking about the fact that Adam is writing for the same magazine that would eventually put Dzokhar Tsarnaev on the cover and publish the UVA rape story.

Anyway, if I seem to avoiding talking about the exact plot of Perfect, that’s because there’s not really much of a plot to describe. Adam, a hard-hitting investigative journalist, is doing research on a story about how people are hooking up at gyms. Wenner agrees. “We haven’t done L.A. in a while!” he says. Adams joins the a gym called the Sports Connection, which he is soon calling “The Sports Erection” because he’s a super clever reporter. He falls in love with an aerobics instructor, who is played by Jamie Lee Curtis. She doesn’t trust reporters but is eventually won over by Travolta’s … well, who knows? Mostly she’s won over because the plot needs some conflict. She gets on Adam’s computer and she types, “Want to fuck?” Adam says sure but then tries too hard to dig into the dark secret from her past. “You’re a sphincter muscle!” she shouts as him. Adam writes a compassionate and balanced article about the Sports Connection. Wenner edits the article and turn it into a sordid hit piece. (And again, you wonder why Wenner agreed to play himself.) Feelings are hurt, issues are resolved, and eventually everyone takes an aerobics class.

Honestly, the entire movie is mostly just a collection of scenes of Jamie Lee Curtis and John Travolta working out. And, in all fairness, Curtis does about as well as anyone could in this terrible film. Travolta, on the other had … well, just check out the scene below and maybe you’ll understand why I had a hard time concentrating on Travolta’s acting.