The Films of 2024: The Mummy Murders (dir by Colin Bressler)

Posted on May 21, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Alexis (Leila Anastasia Scott) is a San Antonio news reporter who, while sitting in a small cafe, is approached by a man named Joe (Jason Scarbrough).

At first, Joe just seems like an appreciative fan of Alexis’s reporting, albeit a bit of creepy and pushy one. But it’s only after Joe sits down, removes his glasses, and starts to speak about his life to Alexis that the truth becomes apparent. Joe says that he’s the serial killer who has been terrorizing San Antonio for the past few months. His trademark is that he mummifies the bodies of his victims. At first skeptical and then increasingly disturbed, Alexis listens as Joe calmly discusses his life, from his childhood as the son of a mortician to his time in the Army, to his current life as a killer. As the conversation continues, it becomes apparent that Joe has a connection to Alexis and her family.

First released on January 2nd (and therefore, the first film of 2024), The Mummy Murders is a low-budget serial killer film that was filmed on location in San Antonio. I have to admit that I’m a bit weary of serial killer films, just because there have been so many of them that they can sometimes feel rather interchangeable. There’s only so many times you can sit through someone giving a long-winded explanation of their motives and their techniques before you start to wonder what the point of it all truly is. Personally, I am of the opinion that Lars Von Trier pushed the serial killer genre to its logical conclusion with The House That Jack Built. Matt Dillon plunging into the abyss was not only a fitting end for his character but also a sign that we had learned just about everything that there was to learn about what makes a serial killer tick. There’s nothing left to discover.

That said, when taken on its own terms, The Mummy Murders is effectively creepy. Again, it’s an extremely low budget movie and, towards the end of the film, the boom mic makes a presumably uninvited appearance. There’s some holes in the film’s plot and I took issue with a lot of the choices that Alexis made throughout the film. But Jason Scarbrough gives an effectively unhinged performance as Joe and the film deserves a lot of credit for not trying to make him into some sort of erudite, witty Hannibal Lecter-style murderer. Instead, Joe is a believable creep who takes pride in his crimes because they’re the only thing for which he’s ever shown any ability. Joe looks at both Alexis and the audience with a thousand-yard state, leaving little doubt that there’s zero room for kindness or empathy in Joe’s death-obsessed mind. In an especially creepy moment, Joe talks about his excitement when, as a pre-teen, he discovered that the body of a girl on whom he had a crush had been brought to his father’s mortuary. It’s icky and it’s creepy but it’s probably a more realistic portrayal of the killer’s sick mindset than what is found in most films.

As a final note, The Mummy Murders was shot on location in San Antonio. San Antonio’s a lovely city. More films should shoot down there.

The Films of 2024: Sunrise (dir by Andrew Baird)

Posted on May 20, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

In the Pacific Northwest, animals are being killed and their blood is being drained. Some of the locals theorize that it’s the work of the Red Coat, a legendary creature that demands constant sacrifices to keep it at bay.

Reynolds (Guy Pearce, with a wild preacherman beard) doesn’t care about the Red Coat. He’s more upset about the fact that he and his buddies are feeling displaced in America. He’s been driven to rage by the fact that there’s a family named Loi living in his community. He hates immigrants. He blames minorities for every problem that America is facing. He says “ain’t” instead of “is not” because that’s the way this film lets us know that its characters are supposed to be blue collar.

Reynolds has murdered Mr. Loi (Chike Chin) and he’s targeting Yan Loi (Crystal Yu) and her teenage son, Edward (William Gao). Fortunately, the Loi Family has a protector. Fallon (Alex Pettyfer) wanders through the misty countryside with a grim look on his face and a darkly-colored wardrobe that is designed to let us know that he’s seeking vengeance. Along with defending the Loi Family, Fallon has a personal reason for seeking vengeance on Reynolds. Fallon also has an insatiable need for blood….

Sunrise is a somber, slowly-paced, and rather shallow-minded film. It takes itself very seriously and it definitely wants you to know that it has important stuff on its mind, unlike those other vampire films that just seek to be entertaining. Of course, as any student of the grindhouse knows, an entertaining film can often be the most effective form of propaganda around. People aren’t going to think about your message is they’re bored out of their mind.

At times, Sunrise seems to think that it’s the first film to ever use vampirism as a way to comment on current events, which I’m sure would be news to Bram Stoker, Jean Rollin, Anne Rice, Stephen King, Kim Newman, John Carpenter, Werner Herzog, Francis Ford Coppola, Spike Lee, Abel Ferrara, Guillermo del Toro, Kathyrn Bigelow, David Conenberg, Bill Gunn, Dan Curtis, and just about anyone else who has ever written or directed anything that involved a vampire. Reynolds rants and rave about his hated of immigrants in speeches that are so overwritten and so florid that they verge on parody. (At one point, he saps at a deputy for not drinking an American beer.) His character is a fever dream of what Leftists think blue collar workers sound like when they’re not cheering their favorite football team or laughing about climate change. I suppose the filmmakers deserve some credit for having enough discipline to realize that having Reynolds shout, “This is MAGA country!” would be a bit too heavy-handed for even this film but one can tell that the temptation was definitely there.

At first, I thought that the film’s cinematography would be its saving grace but eventually, I got bored with all of the artfully composed shots of the misty northwest. There’s really not much difference between Sunrise‘s visuals and the visuals of the Twilight films. Then I thought that Guy Pearce’s intensity might elevate the film but then I realized that Pearce has played this same character several times and he’s been more interesting in other films. As for Alex Pettyfer, he’s just as boring here as he was in Magic Mike. In Magic Mike, he at least danced.

Interestingly, this film — with its portrayal of rampant racism in the American northwest — is an Irish production that was shot not in Washington or Oregon but instead in Belfast. That perhaps explains why the characters often sound like they learned how to speak by watching American cop shows on television. Personally, I am not amongst those who feels that people should only be allowed to make movies about their own countries. I don’t believe in limiting the imagination in that style. As an American of Irish (and Italian and Spanish) descent, I think that an American filmmaker would be totally justified in directing a film about Ian Paisley’s followers terrorizing the Catholic minority in Northern Ireland. (They could even shoot it around Austin, Texas.) Or maybe someone could make a movie about that Irish basketball team who refused to shake hands with an opposing team because the team was from Israel. All’s fair.

Live Tweet Alert: Join #ScarySocial for Tell Me A Creepy Story!

Posted on May 18, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in a few weekly live tweets on twitter. I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie! Every week, we get together. We watch a movie. We tweet our way through it.

Tonight, at 9 pm et, Tim Buntley will be hosting #ScarySocial! The movie? 2023’s Tell Me A Creepy Story!

If you want to join us this Friday, just hop onto twitter, start the movie at 9 pm et, and use the #ScarySocial hashtag! I’ll be there tweeting and I imagine some other members of the TSL Crew will be there as well. It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.

Tell Me A Creepy Story is available on Prime and Tubi!

See you there!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 2.4 “Tails I Live, Heads You Die”

Posted on May 17, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!

This week, a flip of the coin leads to tragedy!

Episode 2.4 “Tails I Live, Heads You Die”

(Dir by Mark Sobel, originally aired on October 21st, 1988)

Finally, Jack, Micki, and Ryan have a night to relax. Jack does some reading while Micki poses for Ryan, who is apparently a sculptor now. Micki says that it’s unfortunate that Ryan is stuck having work at Curious Goods when he has so much artistic talent. Micki has a point, even if this is the first time that we’ve heard about Ryan’s artistic interests.

Suddenly, the phone rings. A reporter named Tom Hewitt (Bill MacDonald) is calling because he’s heard that Jack is an expert in the occult. Tom says that he’s tracked down a Satanic cult that is planning on doing something big. He tells Jack where he can find all of the evidence that Tom has gathered over the course of his investigation. While Jack and Ryan head over to the bus depot where Tom has hidden his research, Micki stays at the store. As for poor old Tom, he ends up dead with the image of a bloody ram’s head imprinted on his forehead.

Looking through Tom’s papers and photographs, Jack discovers that the head of the Satanic cult is a taxidermist named Sylvan Winters (Colin Fox) and that Sylvan is in possession of a coin that is imbued with Satanic energy. When the owner of the coin flips it, it leads to the death of whoever is standing nearby. After the coin kills someone, it can be used to bring someone back to life.

First, Jack goes to the taxidermy shop with Ryan but the two of them fail to find the coin. Later, Jack returns with Micki and the two of them stumble on a Satanic ceremony. When they are spotted by Sylvan and the cultists, Jack and Micki make a run for it. Sadly, they get separated. While Jack manages to escape from the cultists, Micki is caught by Sylvan. Sylvan flips the coin and …. KILLS MICKI!

Seriously, Micki’s death took me totally by surprise and it actually left me feeling really upset. I’ve got red hair. Micki has red hair. Micki tends to be a skeptic. I tend to be a skeptic. Micki was pretty much me on this show! And now she’s dead? Agck!

Arriving at the taxidermy place, Ryan sobs over Micki’s body and then tells Jack that, after he gets the coin and destroys Sylvan, he is done with the cursed antiques business. Ryan says that he’s ready to live his life and he can’t handle losing anyone else close to him. (Remember that Ryan’s father was killed by a cursed pipe last season.)

Returning to the taxidermy studio, Ryan and Jack discover that Sylvan is planning on using the coin to raise two powerful warlocks and a witch so that they can combine their power to bring Satan into the world. However, Ryan and Jack steal Micki’s body from the morgue, put a mask on her to make her look like the witch that Sylvan wants to raise from the dead, and then the replace the witch’s body with Micki’s body. As a result, Sylvan brings Micki back to life. (Ryan and Jack’s plan is incredibly complicated and I’m kind of surprised that they were able to pull it off. But who cares as long as Micki is no longer dead.) Satan gets angry, the taxidermist studio collapses. and Ryan grabs the coin and flips it in front of Sylvan. Sylvan dies but the coin is still out there.

But no matter! The important thing is that Micki comes back to life! Yay! And Ryan decides not to leave Curious Goods, mostly because he’s in love with his cousin, though that’s something that the show rarely acknowledges.

By the time this episode came around, Robey, Chris Wiggins, and John D. LeMay had developed into a tight enough ensemble that Ryan’s tears and Jack’s anger over the death of Micki felt very powerful and very real. As well, Colin Fox was a wonderfully hissable villain. He was so smug that I couldn’t wait to see him get his comeuppance. This was an excellent episode.

Next week, Ryan falls in love with a cursed violinist because Ryan is never allowed to be happy for long.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 2.8 “The Demons”

Posted on May 15, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

This week, Monsters gives us the story of several Arthurs. Unfortunately, it’s not a very good story.

Episode 2.8 “The Demons”

(Dir by Scott Alexander, originally aired on November 19th, 1989)

On an alien planet, an alchemist named Arturus (Richard Moll) is desperate to get more of something that he calls “Drast.” He decides that the best way to do this would be to summon a demon and demand that the demon give the Drast to him. However, when Arturus tries to cast the spell, he makes a mistake and he ends up summoning a human insurance agent named Arthur (Jeff Silverman). It takes a while but Arthur eventually figures out that he is Arturus’s human equivalent and that “Drast” is actually gold. Arthur lies and tells Arturus that he has to go back to Earth to get the Drast.

Once he returns to Earth, Arthur decides to cast his own spell and summon a demon to help him break free from Arturus. Since Arthur uses the same spell the Arturus used, he makes the same mistake and he ends up summoning Arturo (Eddie Deezen), a nerdy, red-skinned, dog-faced creature from another dimension who, it turns out, is just as obsessed with insurance as Arthur is. Arthur sends Arturo to take care of Arturus, which Arturo does. For some reason, Arturo taking care of Arturus largely takes place off-screen. Having the main villain thwarted off-screen really does leave one wondering just what exactly the point of the story was in the first place.

Most of the previous episodes of Monsters had elements of humor to them. This is the first episode to actually be a straight-out comedy and it doesn’t work at all. Richard Moll and especially Eddie Deezen do manage to be amusing but the majority of the episode is centered around Jeff Silverman’s Arthur. Silverman spends a lot of time frantically running around his house and yelling. It gets to be a bit annoying. The episode is so determined to convince you that it’s hysterically funny that it ends up beating the audience over the head with every punchline and basically begging the viewer to laugh. There’s a desperation to the show’s humor and it quickly wears out its welcome. Even potentially interesting ideas — like both Arturus and Arthur screwing up the same spell in the same way — ultimately fall flat. Watching this episode, I was very much aware of the feeling of wanting to like what I was seeing considerably more than I actually did.

As I mentioned earlier, Eddie Deezen is really the only consistently funny thing about this episode. The combination of his nerdiness and his fearsome appearance made me laugh more than I was expecting. Sadly, I know Eddie Deezen has recently had to deal with some pretty serious health issues. I’m hoping the best for him.

Next week’s episode will hopefully be a bit better.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Baywatch Nights 2.4 “The Strike”

Posted on May 14, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, a detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Mitch is struck by lightning!

Episode 2.4 “The Strike”

(Dir by David W. Hagar, originally aired on October 20th, 1996)

While working as a lifeguard, Mitch saves a young man named Jake (Sean Blodgett) from drowning. However, no sooner has Mitch pulled Jake out of the ocean and shaken his hand than they are struck by a sudden lightning bolt. (Being struck by lightning is a scary thing but I have to admit that I chuckled a bit at the random lighting bolt in this episode. It seriously just came out of nowhere!) A bunch of Baywatch lifeguards run out to rescue both Mitch and Jake. What’s interesting is that none of these lifeguards were from the main series. (Seriously, I would have thought that at least Michael Newman would have shown up.) Baywatch Nights was trading on the Baywatch name but, other than David Hasselhoff, it couldn’t afford any of the Baywatch actors.

Due to being struck by lightning (and, oddly, the show seems to suggest that the lightning truly was just a random thing that happened), Mitch and Jake become psychically linked. Mitch can hear Jake’s thoughts in his mind and when it becomes obvious that Jake is an alien being pursued by a mysterious organization, Mitch, Ryan, and Daimont set out to track Jake down and rescue him.

This episode, with its hints of government cover-ups and alien conspiracies, owes a lot to The X-Files. (Actually, the entire second season of Baywatch Nights owes a considerable debt to The X-Files.) As a student of conspiracy theories (albeit a skeptical one), I appreciated the episode’s attempt to create a genuine atmosphere of paranoia. That said, this is still Baywatch Nights and that means that the majority of the episode was basically Mitch and Jake being chased from one location to another. It all got to be a bit repetitive but it remained entertaining.

The best part of this episode is that it allows David Hasselhoff to embrace his inner William Shatner. Hasselhoff has always been a natural overactor and he’s at his most likable when he’s not being at all subtle. This episode not only features the Hoff getting mad about a conspiracy but it also involves a few scenes where he starts to speak in Jake’s voice as a result of their mind-meld. Hasselhoff throw himself into the performance. Again, there’s nothing subtle about any of it but that’s the Hasselhoff charm. As a friend of mine once said while we were watching Starcrash, “Every country should have a Hoff.”

This episode ends on a sad note, which gives Hasselhoff an excuse to get teary-eyed. How can Mitch continue to be a skeptic after everything that he sees in this episode? Will he finally be willing to admit that there are things out there that cannot be rationally explained? You would think so but Mitch can be remarkably stubborn. We’ll find out next week!

Live Tweet Alert: Watch The War of the Worlds With #ScarySocial!

Posted on May 11, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Tonight, for #ScarySocial, I will be hosting 1953’s The War of the Worlds!

If you want to join us on Saturday night, just hop onto twitter, start the film at 9 pm et, and use the #ScarySocial hashtag! The film is available on Prime! I’ll be there co-hosting and I imagine some other members of the TSL Crew will be there as well. It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th The Series 2.3 “And Now The News”

Posted on May 10, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Jack is on vacation so Ryan and Micki try to retrieve an antique on their own. Near disaster ensues. I swear, why is Jack always running off? How can you take a vacation when your job is to literally save the world? You know who never got a decent vacation? Atlas.

Anyway, onto the episode….

Episode 2.3 “And Now The News”

(Dir by Bruce Pittman, originally aired October 14th, 1988)

With Jack on vacation, it falls to Micki and Ryan to track down the latest antique, a cursed radio that will reveal information to its owner as long as the owner uses the radio to kill a certain number of people. (The radio brings people’s greatest fears to life. So, if you’ve got a thing about snakes, watch out!) Micki and Ryan discover that the radio is currently in the possession of Dr. Avril Carter (Kate Trotter), who works at the local mental hospital and who is murdering patients so that the radio will help her with her research. Dr. Carter really wants to win that Nobel Prize.

Ryan and Micki really probably should have waited for Jack to come back because their attempts to get the radio back leads to one disaster after another. Ryan even manages to get electrocuted while trying to climb over the hospital’s security fence. Micki, meanwhile, does manage to get into the hospital but she is soon reminded that the majority of the patients are serial killers and perverts.

The best thing about this episode is that radio actually has a voice. Henry Ramer provides the voice of the “radio announcer,” who says stuff like, “And now the news …. after this murder” and such. At the end of the episode, it even taunts Dr. Carter when she fails to kill the required number of people and announces that Carter will never win a Nobel Prize. (The radio then proceeds to electrocute her.) In a nice touch, the announcer continues to talk to Ryan and Micki even when they’re taking it down to the vault. It offer to help them out in their quest, in return for a certain amount of murders. Micki and Ryan end up tossing the radio back and forth between the two of them. The episode even ends with a freeze frame of the radio in the air. Hopefully, they got it into the vault eventually.

This was a fun episode. The mental hospital was a atmospheric location, the radio was an inspired antique, and Kate Trotter gave a good performance as the villainous Dr. Carter. After two less than enthralling episodes, And Now The News was a definite return to everything that worked about the first season.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 2.7 “Jar”

Posted on May 8, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Monsters brings together horror and noir!

Episode 2.7 “Jar”

(Dir by Bette Gordon, originally aired on November 1st, 1989)

Having been hired to find a missing woman, cynical private investigator Jack Bateman (Richard Edson) begins his investigation at the seedy bayou motel where the woman was last seen. However, Mr. Hallet and Jack are not the only people at the hotel. Ann Spiros (Gina Gershon) arrives with her loutish husband, the wealthy George (Ed Kovens). Ann wants to get rid of her husband and she and Jack seem to share an immediate attraction to each other. Does Mr. Hallet have something hidden away in all of his mason jars that could help Ann with that? Of course, he does. The show is called Monsters. This episode is called Jar. One doesn’t have to be a genius to figure out that something pretty extreme is about to happen in that isolated hotel and that it’s going involve something in a jar.

(Someday, remind me to write a post about all of the historical figures who had certain body parts preserved in a jar. I don’t know why that would happen but no matter. You can still see a few inches of Napoleon if you want to, though it might not be the part of him that you want to see.)

From the sultry saxophone on the soundtrack to the shadow visual style, this episode announces itself from the start as being an homage to film noir. It works far better than I think anyone would have any reason to expect. The bayou hotel is wonderfully atmospheric and steamy location. One can literally feel the humidity that runs through this episode. Though he was a bit young for the role, Richard Edson is a convincing hard-boiled detective. Gina Gershon, as always, is a perfect femme fatale and seems to relish the opportunity to keep the audience guessing as to he motivations. Ed Kovens is properly unsympathetic as the wealthy husband. (Can you imagine how unpleasant noirs like this would be if the husbands were decent guys who just minded their own business? It’s a good thing that they’re always louts.) Finally, Fritz Weaver gives a nicely eccentric performance as old Mr. Hallet. This episode is full of schemes and forbidden passions. Fans of noir will appreciate the episode.

What’s especially surprising is just how well the supernatural and the monsters are all integrated into the noir format. The monsters feel as if they belong in the story just as much as the hard-boiled detective and the sultry wife. It takes a while for the monsters to do their thing but when they do, they definitely make an impression.

Monsters can be a bit of uneven show. But Jar is definitely a triumph.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Baywatch Nights 2.3 “The Rig”

Posted on May 7, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Mitch and Ryan head out to an abandoned ocean oil rig. Do they find love or do they find a glowing green slime monster? Read on to find out!

Episode 2.3 “The Rig”

(Dir by Jon Cassar, originally aired on October 13th, 1996)

Donna is super-excited because she’s saved her first person as a lifeguard. (Apparently, the nightclub is no longer a thing and Donna is no longer a cynical and tough-minded businesswoman.) She tracks down Griff and she tells him about it. Griff is impressed. Donna wants to tell Mitch but he’s not on the beach!

Instead, Mitch and Ryan are investigating a deserted oil rig. A few weeks ago, the crew of the oil rig died under mysterious circumstances. The official story is that they fell victim to cabin fever or maybe a mass delusion. But Diamont thinks that maybe something paranormal has happened and he has asked Mitch and Ryan to check it out. Despite the fact that this is the third “paranormal” mystery that Mitch has investigated in as many episodes, he remains a skeptic. Ryan, however, thinks that it is possible that the rig was attacked by some sort of prehistoric one-celled organism.

And it turns out that Ryan is right! Ryan and Mitch find themselves being threatened by a green gelatinous goo that eats away at everything from metal to skin. Joining Ryan and Mitch is Claire (Jennifer Campbell), whose boat was earlier attacked by the goo. Claire does very little in this episode and there’s really no point to her being there, beyond the fact that the show’s producers needed someone to wear a bikini and to scream.

Featuring an absolutely ludicrous monster and a finale that involves a self-destruct mechanism slowly counting down, The Rig is actually a lot of fun. It’s totally ludicrous and silly and everything that an episode of something like Baywatch Nights should be. Mitch and Ryan make for an entertaining team. Angie Harmon’s naturally sarcastic delivery contrasts nicely with David Hasselhoff’s most earnest style. The Rig is at its best when it just follows Mitch and Ryan as they flirtatiously argue about the paranormal while walking around the abandoned rig.

And fear not! Mitch survives his meeting with goo, jumping off the rig at the same moment that it explodes. We get a little bit of slow motion, followed by a short of an obvious dummy crashing into the water. When Hasselhoff jumps off the rig, the night sky is pitch black. When he emerges from the ocean, the sun is shining. That’s type of easily avoidable continuity error that makes Baywatch Nights so much fun!

This was a fun episode. Next week, Mitch gets involved with a UFO!