America’s Sweetheart”

Posted on October 16, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, season 4 comes to an end!

Episode 4.28 “Tony and Julie/Separate Beds/America’s Sweetheart”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on May 16th, 1981)

Wedding bells are in the air!

Carl Mitchell (William Christopher) boards the boat without his wife. As he explains to Gopher and Isaac, he was married when he booked the cruise but now he’s not married because his wife was too much of a slob. However, Carl is still determined to take his cruise and enjoy himself. As soon as Carl goes off to find his cabin, his wife, Lynn (Toni Tennille), boards the ship and tells Gopher and Isaac that she just broke up with her neat freak husband but she’s determined to go ahead and take the cruise that they booked before their break-up.

Carl and Lynn are not happy to discover that they’re both on the cruise and that they’re sharing a cabin. Carl wants to date a younger woman. Lynn flirts with Doc Bricker. Of course, Carl and Lynne are still in love with each other. Lynn decides to win Carl back by cleaning up the cabin. Carl decides to win back Lynn by messing the cabin up. It’s like the most pointless story that O. Henry never wrote. The important thing is that Carl and Lynn decide to give their marriage another chance.

(Personally, I couldn’t live with someone messy. And Lynn really does just toss stuff all over the place. I think they should get a divorce.)

While this is going on, Vicki is super-excited when her favorite actress, Becky Daniels (Alison Angrim), boards the boat. But Becky is actually a spoiled brat and, when she hires Vicki to serve as her stand-in for a movie that’s being shot on the boat, she goes out of her way to make sure that Vicki is humiliated. Vicki is briefly disillusioned with Hollywood, until Becky apologizes and she and Vicki become friends. Okay, then. Glad that worked out!

Meanwhile, Julie is late arriving at the boat because she’s been busy visiting her aunt (a glowering Nancy Kulp). She even gets into an argument over a cab with Tony Selkirk (Anthony Andrews), a veterinarian. Julie wins the argument and the cab but imagine her shock when Tony turns out to be a passenger on the boat! She’s even more shocked when she sees Tony walking around with two chimpanzees. Of course, as you’ve probably already guessed, Tony and Julie fall in love. And Tony asks Julie to marry him. And Julie says yes!

And that’s where season 4 ends.

Is this the end of Julie’s tenure as cruise director? I guess we’ll find out next week. As for this episode, it was pleasant-enough way to end the fourth season. The stories did not particularly interest me but the Love Boat crew has become a strong enough ensemble that the show is no longer as dependent on its guest stars as it used to be. This episode, I enjoyed watching the crew more than the passengers. Seriously, I want to take a cruise now.

Next week, we start season 5!

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.27 “Maid for Each Other/Lost and Found/Then There Were Two”

Posted on October 9, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, a baby is abandoned, an aunt visits, and for some reason, Joe Namath is on the boat.

Episode 4.27 “Maid for Each Other/Lost and Found/Then There Were Two”

(Dir by Howard Morris, originally aired on May 9th, 1981)

Ted Harper (Joe Namath) boards the boat with his best friend, Richard Henderson (Fred Willard). Ted and Richard were fraternity brothers. While in college, the members of the frat decided that, whenever one of them got married, some money would be contributed to a pot. The last single member of the frat would end up getting all of the cash, which is now up to $60,000. Ted and Richard are the last two single members of the frat and they’re competing to see who can hold out the longest.

(Can we just agree that guys are weird?)

Ted has a plan to get the money. He’s gotten his ex-girlfriend, Paula (Karen Grassle), to agree to trick Richard into falling in love with and marrying her, in exchange for some of the money. However, Richard is smarter than Ted realizes and instead offers Paula even more of the money to get Ted to marry her. However, Karen falls for Ted for real. Karen and Ted do get married when the ship docks in Mexico. When Richard announces that he paid Karen to marry Ted, Ted is hurt at first but then he realizes that he was willing to do the same thing to Richard and nothing matters more than love. Awwww!

Now, it may seem strange to cast Joe Namath and Fred Willard as friends. To me, it’s even stranger that this was not the first time that Joe Namath, who was not much of actor, appeared on The Love Boat. Just as he did the last time he was on the boat (and also just as he did when he last visited Fantasy Island), Namath wanders through the story with a goofy grin on his face.

Speaking of goofy, Gopher is super-excited when his wealthy aunt Loretta (Jane Powell) boards the boat. Loretta, however, is scared to tell Gopher that she has lost all of her money and is now working as a maid. Loretta need not have worried. I mean, it’s not as if Gopher has a particularly glamorous job. Plus, Loretta’s not going to be poor for long, not after she meets and falls in love with wealthy Duncan Harlow (Howard Keel).

Finally, Eddie Martin (Gary Burghoff) is a mechanic on the Love Boat who decides to abandon his baby with the captain. The captain, who apparently doesn’t know much about the people who work for him, has no idea who the baby’s father is. But when the baby is taken ill and needs a transfusion of super-rare AB blood, Eddie is forced to stand up and accept the responsibility of being a father. Good for him, I guess. Personally, I like fathers who don’t abandon their babies in the first place.

This was a fairly bland episode. The fourth season is nearly over and, with this cruise, everyone seemed to mostly be going through the motions. This episode seemed like a collection of stories that the show had already handled (and handled better) in the past.

Next week …. season 4 comes to an end!

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.25 & 26: “This Year’s Model/The Model Marriage/Vogue Rogue/Too Clothes for Comfort/Original Sin”

Posted on October 2, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, it’s time for the fashion festival!

Episode 4.25 and 4.26 “This Year’s Model/The Model Marriage/Vogue Rogue/Too Clothes for Comfort/Original Sin”

(Dir by Roger Duchowny, originally aired on May 2nd, 1981)

This week, the Love Boat sails to Acapulco for the International Fashion Festival! Vicki, who hopes to grow up to be a fashion designer, is excited about meeting her idols. Doc, Gopher, and Isaac are excited about the models. Captain Stubing starts the cruise by reminding everyone to do their job for once. It’s about time Stubing told them that. Does Doc even keep office hours anymore?

This one of those two-hour episodes of The Love Boat that gets chopped into two episodes for syndication. As such, it’s double-sized, with twice as many guest stars and the boat actually sailing to Acapulco during filming. That doesn’t mean that the storyline are any more complicated than usual on this episode. Despite being longer then usual, the episode follows the usual Love Boat pattern. The extra time is largely taken up with a travelogue of Mexico (watch as a limo very slowly drives to a luxury hotel!) and the fashion show.

Fashion designers Gloria Vanderbilt, Bob Mackie, Halston, and Geoffrey Beene all appear as themselves. They’re listed as guest stars but they don’t actually do anything other than board the ship and then show off their designs. They don’t find love on the boat, nor do they search for it. (Well, Halston probably did….) Interestingly enough, none of them — not even the famous Halston — has much of a screen presence and in the scene where they introduce themselves to the crew, they’re all so stiff that it is somewhat difficult to watch. It’s obvious that none of them were actors but it’s also interesting to consider that there was a time when someone could be internationally famous without being a natural on camera.

There are also a few fictional designers on the cruise. They’re the one who actually have storylines. Harvey Blanchard (Dick Shawn) is not aware that his daughter, Mandy (Debra Clinger), has married his nerdy assistant, Alvin Beale (Richard Gilliand). Mandy wants Alvin to tell her father that they re married during the cruise but first, Alvin is going to have to figure out what to do after he accidentally dumps some designer clothes down a laundry chute and they end up shrinking in the dryer. (“Have you ever considered designing children’s clothing?” Alvin asks his boss.)

Benita James (Elke Sommer) is an “up-and-coming” fashion designer who falls in love with Sidney Sloan (Mike Connors), despite the fact that he’s an industrial spy who has been hired to steal her designs. Sid falls in love with Benita as well and decides that he can’t betray her. But when Sid’s partner (Steve Franken) ransacks Benita’s cabin, will Sid be able to convince her that he wasn’t involved?

Charles Paris (Robert Vaughn, looking somewhat embarrassed) is a cosmetics tycoon who boards the boat looking for the new Ms. Paris, the model who will be the face of his company. Will he pick Liz(Morgan Brittany) the model with whom he is falling in love, or will he pick Joanne Atkins (Carmilla Sparv), the model who has been told that, since she’s now over 35, her career is over?

Speaking of Joanne, she falls in love with Captain Stubing and Stubing falls in love with her. Meanwhile, the married heads of her modeling agency (Anne Baxter and McClean Stevenson, who looks almost as embarrassed as Robert Vaughn) argue over whether or not Joanne is too old to continue on as a model.

Julie is excited because her former sorority sister, Melissa (Cristina Ferrare), is a model on the cruise. Julie can’t wait to spend the whole cruise with her but Melissa meets and falls in love with Larry (Chris Marlowe). When Melissa and Larry run off to get married, Julie takes her friend’s place in the fashion show.

And really, the fashion show is what this episode is all about. The stories aren’t particularly important. We’re here for the clothes!

Bob Mackie starts things off with a really cute collection of lingerie and pajamas, which happen to be my favorite things to wear. I loved his collection.

Gloria Vanderbilt follows with sporty summer fashion, and watching her collection, I found myself wanting to go play tennis with my neighbors.

Geoffrey Beene follows with a collection of plaid suits that will be familiar to anyone who has ever binged a 70s sitcom.

“Up and comer” Benita James presents a collection of truly hideous cocktail dresses.

And Halston closes things out with evening wear. “Red is my favorite color,” Halston says, “It’s so fun.” This redhead appreciates the sentiment, even if it was kind of obvious that Halston didn’t bring his top designs on the cruise with him.

As the highlight of the episode, the fashion show was definitely entertaining though. it was impossible not to smile at just how ugly Benita James’s designs actually were. Seriously, someone went to the trouble to hire two industrial spies to steal those designs?

As for everything else, it all works out. This is The Love Boat. Everything always works out. Charles Paris announces that the new Ms. Paris will be Joanne but then he asks Liz to be “Mrs. Paris.” Sid and Benita decide to get married as well. Captain Stubing gets to have sex for once. I think that may be the first time that’s happened since this show started. Julie enjoys modeling. Everyone either finds love or decides not to get divorced. That’s a successful cruise!

This cruise was fun in its silly way. Bob Mackie definitely won the fashion show. Though the designers may not have been comfortable on camera and McClean Stevenson looked like he was on the verge of jumping overboard from embarrassment, this was The Love Boat at its most entertaining.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.24 “That Old Gang of Mine/Love with a Skinny Stranger/Vicki and the Gambler”

Posted on September 25, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Vicki learns how to gamble.

Episode 4.24 “That Old Gang of Mine/Love with a Skinny Stranger/Vicki and the Gambler”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on April 11th, 1981)

It’s an anniversary cruise!

Captain Stubing and Vicki are celebrating the anniversary of Vicki coming to live on the boat with her father. Captain Stubing has already picked out the gift that he’s going to give Vicki, a beautiful and valuable pearl necklace. As for Vicki, there’s a watch in the boat’s gift shop that she would love to give her father but she can’t afford it. Then again, Vicki is the Captain’s daughter. Can’t she just take whatever she wants? I mean, who is going to snitch on the Captain’s daughter? Add to that, it was only two weeks ago that the manager of the gift shop was juggling three lovers on one cuise. Who is she to judge anything Vicki might do?

Admirably, Vicki is an honest person and does not want to just steal something for her father. But when her father’s old friend, Wade Hubbard (Gene Barry), boards the ship, he shows Vicki that she can easily make enough money to buy the watch by betting on a horse race! Wade, it turns out, is a compulsive gambler and Vicki soon falls under his influence. Captain Stubing is not happy about that so Wade pretends to lose all of his money (and Vicki’s necklace!) in order to trick Vicki into not only hating him but also hating gambling.

You know, Wade and Captain Stubing could have just told Vicki not to gamble anymore. Vicki seems like she’s pretty smart and level-headed so I’m sure she would have listened if Wade and the Captain had just told her that they didn’t want her placing bets as a minor. Instead, Wade created an elaborate lie and basically traumatized Vicki for life. That seems a bit extreme to me but, then again, I don’t have a gambling problem.

As for the other passengers, Patty Beller (Vicki Lawrence) is stunned when she discovers that her long-distance boyfriend, Phil Manning (Charles Siebert), has spent the last month at a fat farm and is now totally athletic and handsome. Patty always took it for granted that Phil would only have eyes for her but suddenly, every other woman on the cruise appears to be trying to get his attention. This story would have perhaps worked better if Patty hadn’t come across as being so self-centered. Phil explains that he lost the weight because he was worried about his health and tired of people making fun of him. To me, it seems like Phil should be applauded for his self-discipline and his desire to make a better life for himself. Instead, Patty gets upset that Phil is taking care of himself. Seriously, Phil — you can do better!

Finally, three old-time crooks (Jack Gilford, Jesse White, and Kaye Ballard) board the cruise and make plans to rob the safe. That shouldn’t be too hard since Gopher is the person in charge of watching the safe. However, the crooks are all elderly and out-of-touch with life in the swinging 80s. The safecracker has gone deaf and needs someone else to listen as he turns the dial. It’s all a bit silly but it was kind of a sweet story, largely due to the performances of Gilford, White, and Ballard.

The safecracker’s story aside, this episode of The Love Boat was a bit of a sour ride. Between Wade lying to Vicki and Patty wishing that her boyfriend was at risk for heart disease, this just wasn’t a very likable cruise. Hopefully, next week will be a bit more fashionable. Considering that the upcoming episode guest stars Glorida Vanderbilt, Bob Mackie, and Halston, I imagine it will be.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.23 “The Duel/Two For Julie/Aunt Hilly”

Posted on September 18, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Hollywood royalty boards the Love Boat!

Episode 4.23 “The Duel/Two For Julie/Aunt Hilly”

(Dir by Ray Austin, originally aired on March 14th, 1981)

Who is Aunt Hilly?

She’s Olivia de Havilland!

And who is Aunt Hilly’s latest husband, Col. Von Ryker?

He’s Joseph Cotten, making his final screen appearance before retiring from acting!

Even for a show that was known for featuring stars from Hollywood’s Golden Age, de Havilland and Cotten are welcome additions to this episode of The Love Boat. They bring a lot of class to the ship, both as themselves and as the characters that they’re playing. It’s not just all of the wonderful Hollywood history that they bring with them. It’s also that they both give charming performances, showing that they still had the screen presence that made them stars to begin with.

Hilly is Captain Stubing’s aunt, a wealthy woman who has devoted so much of her life to work that she missed out on spending much time with her family. She wants to make up for the past by arranging for Vicki to attend an exclusive private school in Switzerland. Captain Stubing is reluctant but ultimately, he agrees that it would be best for Vicki to be able to have friends her own age and to get a formal education as opposed to just receiving lessons from the occasionally mentioned but never-seen tutor who apparently lives on the Love Boat.

However, Col. Van Ryker knows that Vicki would be happier on the boat and that Hilly is just trying to deal with her own guilt over her strained relationship with her son, Conrad. With the Colonel’s gentle help, Hilly realizes that it would be better for Vicki to stay with Captain Stubing.

Now, to be honest, I do kind of wonder if it’s a good idea for Vicki to live on the boat. I mean, does she really have any friends outside of the members of the crew, all of whom are much older than her? Personally, I think going to school is Switzerland and spending her summers on the Love Boat would have been a great idea. But no matter! This was a sweet story. What I really appreciated is that, even though they were on opposite sides, both the Captain and the Aunt had the best of intentions and motivations. It would have been easy to just portray Hilly as being a snob who thought living on a cruise ship was beneath the dignity of a Stubing. Instead, she was a genuinely nice woman trying to do what she felt was the right thing. Gavin MacLeod, Jill Whelan, Olivia de Havilland, and Joseph Cotten all did wonderful work with this story.

The other two stories were overshadowed by Cotten and de Havilland. In the sillier of the two, Linda Cristal played a woman who tried to make her husband jealous by flirting with Doc Bricker. Her husband (Alejandro Rey) reacted by challenging Doc to a duel. Isaac and Gopher tried to convince the husband that Doc was an experienced and deadly duelist. Again, it was just as silly as it sounds.

Meanwhile, Julie had two men (Ken Kercheval and Dack Rambo) hitting on her. The two men were also competing to be the new vice president of Don Ameche’s company. In the end, Julie remained single and good for her.

One silly story. One boring story. And one story that was so good that the other two stories didn’t matter. This was a great cruise.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.22 “Sally’s Paradise/I Love You, Too, Smith/Mama and Me”

Posted on September 11, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Gopher finds love!

Episode 4.22 “Sally’s Paradise/I Love You, Too, Smith/Mama and Me”

(Dir by Earl Bellamy, originally aired on March 7th, 1981)

Occasionally, on The Love Boat, a member of the crew would happen to find love.

It seemed to happen most often to Julie. Having watched three and three-quarters seasons of The Love Boat, I’ve lost track of the number of times that I’ve seen Julie tear up while saying goodbye to a passenger with whom she had fallen in love. Isaac also seems to have had his share of shipboard romances. Doc is almost always seen escorting someone to his cabin. The Captain is usually busy running the ship but he’s found a few opportunities to fall in love.

And then there’s Gopher. Poor, goofy Gopher. He’s had a handful of cruise romances but, compared to his co-workers, they tend to be few and far apart. This week, however, Gopher finally gets to have another romance. (Perhaps not coincidentally, the Gopher storyline was co-written by Fred Grandy.)

Angelina Blenderman (Joanna Pettet) is the by-the-book customs agent who always takes her time checking people’s luggage when they disembark from the ship. Blenderman and Gopher have an antagonistic relationship, with her making fun of him for wearing shorts with his uniform and Gopher complaining that Blenderman is a humorless scold. But when Blenderman boards the ship and Gopher discovers that her boyfriend, Ray (Christopher Pennock), is a total cad who is cheating on her, Gopher and Blenderman fall in love.

And you know what? It’s actually really sweet. Fred Grandy and Joanna Pettet had a lot of chemistry and they made for a cute couple. Pettet did an especially good job of capturing the insecurity lurking beneath the abrasive surface. My heart really broke for her when she first discovered Ray cheating on her. (Grandy himself had a nice moment where he shyly revealed to Blenderman that his little-used first name was actually “Burl.” “Stick with Smith,” Blenderman replies.) I was happy to see that Blenderman and Gopher were still together at the end of the cruise.

As for the other (less interesting) stories, Sally (Juliet Mills) is the manager of the ship’s gift shop. When Julie hears that Sally’s fiancé, Donald (Gary Conway), is boarding the ship, she is excited for Sally. Then Sally’s other fiancé, Ricardo (Pedro Armendariz, Jr.), unexpectedly boards the ship. And then Henry (Kenneth Kimmins) boards the ship and Julie learns that Sally has gotten engaged to a third man! None of the men know about each other. Sally explains to Julie that she loves something different about all three of them. When Donald, Ricardo, and Henry all stop by the gift shop at the same time, Sally’s secret is revealed. Realizing that she has to choose and having been assured by the men that they will respect her choice, Sally decides to remain single and continue to date all three of the men. Good for Sally! On the one hand, her actions are very manipulative, regardless of how much she loves each man. On the other hand, she is right when she says she has the right to explore different things and enjoy her life. Somehow, Juliet Mills makes Sally into a likable character. (One can only imagine how cringey this episode would have been if Hayley had played the role.)

Finally, Natalie Corson (Sylvia Sidney) boards the ship with her son, Stanley (Eddie Mekka). Natalie wants Stanley to marry a woman that he’s not in love with. Stanley would rather marry his childhood friend, Jill (Joan Prather). Natalie accuses Jill of being a nudist because she wears a bikini but eventually, Natalie comes to realize that she’s not being fair and her son deserves to be happy. The problem with this story was that Stanley was such a wimp that you couldn’t help but feel that Jill deserved better.

With the exception of the third story, this was a fun cruise. I’m glad Gopher found love and Sally found lust. It was an enjoyable trip on the boat that offers something for everyone.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.21 “Clothes Make The Girl/Black Sheep/Hometown Girl”

Posted on September 4, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s time for another cruise on …. THE LOVE BOAT!

Episode 4.21 “Clothes Make The Girl/Black Sheep/Hometown Girl”

(Dir by Earl Bellamy, originally aired on February 28th, 1981)

This week’s cruise is all about money!

For instance, in this episode, we learn that Doc Bricker is from a small town called Cedar Flats. Doc was the head of a committee that raised the money necessary to send Mike Lucas (Randy Powell) to medical school so that Mike could return home and serve as the town doctor. However, when Mike boards the cruise with his fiancée, Tracy (Cindy Morgan), it turns out that he has some bad news. Tracy’s wealthy father has offered Mike a job working at a Park Avenue clinic in Manhattan. Mike is planning on taking the job because of the money and the fact that Tracy doesn’t want to live in a small town. Unfortunately, that will leave Cedar Flats without a doctor.

Doc Bricker, showing that he actually is a man of integrity despite also being a walking HR nightmare, decides that he has no choice but to return to Cedar Flats and serve as their doctor until someone can be found to replace him. He asks Captain Stubing for a six-month leave of absence. Stubing agrees but warns that the cruise line might hire someone to take Doc’s place.

Meanwhile, Suzy Marshall (Kyle Aletter) is excited because it appears that her daughter, Anne (Lee Meriwether), has attracted the attention of a wealthy man named Jonathan (Larry Breeding). Little do they know that Jonathan is actually just Johnny, the ship’s valet. Johnny is wearing another passenger’s clothes and pretending to be rich.

At one point, Johnny takes Anne back to his cabin, making this the first episode to show us what a low-level employee’s cabin looks like. It’s small and cramped and located at the bottom the boat, which means it’ll be the first to flood if The Love Boat ever hits an iceberg. It’s also mentioned that Johnny is not allowed to eat in the main dining room with the passengers. I have to admit that it’s all a bit disillusioning. Apparently, the Love Boat is a terrible place to work!

Finally, a passenger named Donald Gray (Robert Ginty) tells the Captain that he works for the Secret Service. He is on the Love Boat because he hopes to capture a notorious counterfeiter. But what will happen when that counterfeiter turns out to be Jesse (Demond Wilson), Issac’s ne’er-do-well uncle who claims to have turned a new leaf? Poor Isaac!

Well, don’t worry. Everything works out:

1) Mike realizes that he has to honor his commitment to Cedar Flats and, after talking to her father, Cindy realizes that she loves Mike enough that she can be happy in a small town. (Cindy’s father says some very dismissive things about Cedar Flats but it turns out that he was only doing that to get Mike so outraged that he would have no choice but to return home. He was doing it as a favor to Doc Bricker. Can you imagine if that plan didn’t work? What if Mike just said, “You’re right! New York, here we come!”)

2) Anne learns the truth when she sees Johnny in his valet uniform. Luckily, she doesn’t care.

3) It turns out that Donald is actually a criminal who is masquerading as a treasury agent and Uncle Jesse is an undercover government agent! Isaac is happy to learn this but also agrees to keep Jesse’s secret. “You’re my favorite nephew,” Uncle Jesse replies. Awwwww!

This was an okay cruise. The guest stars weren’t particularly interesting but Bernie Kopell and Ted Lange both got an opportunity to show what they could do when given a real storyline to deal with. Kopell especially deserves a lot of credit for showing that humanity that lurked underneath Doc’s carefree surface. This episode kept me entertained and I enjoyed the scenery. Really, what else can you ask for from The Love Boat?

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.20 “Quiet, My Wife’s Listening/Eye of the Beholder/The Nudist from Sunshine Gardens”

Posted on July 10, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, The Love Boat makes history.

Episode 4.20 “Quiet, My Wife’s Listening/Eye of the Beholder/The Nudist from Sunshine Gardens”

(Dir by Harry Mastrogeorge, originally aired on February 21st, 1981)

This episode contains a historical first. It features the first interracial romance to ever be featured on The Love Boat. It took them three and a half seasons to feature one but, at the same time, in 1981, it still probably took some courage for a primetime television show to feature white David Hedison falling in love with black Leslie Uggams. Today, of course, we tend to take it for granted that every movie, TV show, and advertisement is going to feature at least one interracial couple. It’s easy to forget that this is actually a rather recent development. Consider this: I’ve reviewed over a hundred episodes of Fantasy Island and The Love Boat and this is the first episode to feature an interracial romance.

It should be noted, of course, that Leslie Uggams plays a blind woman. At first, I thought the episode was trying to hedge its bets, by assuring any racists in the audience that Uggams didn’t know she was falling in love with a white guy. But then, David Hedison asked Leslie Uggams to marry him and come live with him on his ranch.

“I am a blind, black woman,” Uggams replies, before asking Hedison how he’s going to handle the reactions of the “people in that small town” to him marrying her.

This, of course, would have been a great chance for Hedison to declare that he didn’t care what anyone else had to say and that love is love. Unfortunately, he doesn’t say that.

Instead, Hedison jokes, “We’ll just tell people that you’re the new housekeeper.”

AGCK! Oh, Love Boat, you were so close! That truly unfortunately joke aside, it was a good story and David Hedison and Leslie Uggams had a likable chemistry together. It was nice to see them leave the ship together.

(Incidentally, Leslie Uggams herself married a white man in 1965, at a time when interracial marriage still illegal in many States. They’re still married today.)

As for the other two stories, they were pleasantly bland. Barbie Benton played a nudist who was determined to sunbathe on the ship. Though Doc Bricker volunteered to deal with the problem personally, Gopher instead declared that it was his duty — as purser — to convince her to cover up. Peter Haskell played the ACLU lawyer who threatened to sue Gopher for violating Benton’s first amendment rights. Haskell and Benton fell in love, despite the fact that Benton was 20-something while Haskell appeared to be close to 70.

Meanwhile, Dick Martin boarded the ship with his mistress (Judith Chapman) but he was so paranoid about the possibility of his wife bugging his cabin that his mistress got frustrated and left him. Martin then fell in love with Mary Ann Mobley, an electronic expert who offered to de-bug his cabin. Of course, Mobley was actually a detective sent to catch Martin with his mistress but she fell in love with Martin so I guess it just sucks for Martin’s wife.

The Barbie Benton storyline had some funny moments. The Dick Martin storyline reminded me how hard it is to have sympathy for someone who would cheat on his wife with two different women on one cruise. Overall, this was a pleasant — and historically significant — cruise.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.19 “The Return of the Ninny/Touchdown Twins/Split Personality”

Posted on July 3, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, a familiar face sets sail for adventure.

Episode 4.19 “The Return of the Ninny/Touchdown Twins/Split Personality”

(Dir by Roger Duchowny, originally aired on February 14th, 1981)

Oh hey, it’s Charo!

It seems like just yesterday that I was watching her on Fantasy Island. Oh wait, it was!

Charo returns to The Love Boat in her regular role as April Lopez. The former stowaway-turned-singer-turned nanny boards the ship so that she and her two charges — Gayle (Rachel Jacobs) and Jerry (Alex Woodard) — can say goodbye to their father and April’s employer, Ty Younger (Larry Linville). Ty is taking a vacation with his materialistic girlfriend (Arlene Martel), whom April dislikes. Ty is looking forward to getting away from the kids for a while but — whoops! — April and the kids don’t get off the boat in time and soon, they’re intruding on Ty’s vacation. It turns out to be a good thing because, after April learns that Ty’s girlfriend wants to send the kids away to a private school, she’s able to break up Ty’s relationship and keep the entire family together. Yay!

Frank (Vincent Van Patten) boards the boat with college football teammate, Billy (Phillip Burns). Billy can’t wait to hit on all the women who are his own age but Frank has decided that he’s in love with Billy’s mom, Meg (Samantha Eggar). Captain Stubing likes Meg to but Frank shoves him out of the way on the dance floor and says that Meg is officially his MILF. Billy gets upset and blames Frank …. no, actually, that would make too much sense. Instead, Billy accuses his mother of leading on his best friend! (Nobody mentions that Frank himself has spent the entire cruise acting like an unhinged stalker.) It all works out in the end, of course. Frank realizes that Meg doesn’t share his feelings and he decides to start dating women his own age. Billy realizes that his mom is not a tramp. Meg says she’s proud of the man that Billy has become. (A man who accuses his own mom of being a tramp? That kind of man?) Stubing, once again, fails to get anywhere in his romantic pursuits and Vicki misses out on another potential stepmother. Yay, I guess? This story was actually kind of depressing.

Finally, Nick (Michael Lembeck) is an old college friend of Gopher’s. Nick wants to be executive vice president of a company that it owned by the conservative and stodgy Arnold Hamilton (Ralph Bellamy). When he’s with Arnold, Nick dresses like Arnold and he claims to agree with everything that Arnold says. Nick also wants to marry a passenger that he just met, Linda (Laurette Spang). Linda is almost a parody of a limousine liberal so when Nick is with her, he agrees with everything she says about oppression and the evils of money and he talks about his time as a labor organizer. Nick is lying to both of them but it’s not like they’ll ever meet …. except, LINDA IS ARNOLD’S DAUGHTER! Fear not, it all works out in the end. Nick tells Arnold that he needs to change with the times and he tells Linda that she knows nothing about the working man. Nick gets his promotion and a girlfriend. Yay!

This was a pretty forgettable episode, even with Charo running around the ship in a panic over the children. The storyline that worked best was the one with Michael Lembeck, Ralph Bellamy, and Laurette Sprang, though Bellamy was perhaps a bit too naturally likable to be totally convincing as a ruthless businessman. (Even in old age, Bellamy had the simple, nice guy aura that always led to him losing the girl to Cary Grant.) For the most part, this was a serviceable but not particularly memorable cruise.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.18 “Aquaphobiac/Humpty Dumpty/The Starmaker”

Posted on June 19, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week …. it’s one of the best episodes of The Love Boat ever!

Episode 4.18 “Aquaphobiac/Humpty Dumpty/The Starmaker”

(Dir by Roger Duchowny, originally aired on February 7th, 1981)

David Hasselhoff boards The Love Boat, for the second time!

This time around, the Hoff is playing Brian Kiley. Brian and Julie went to college together. Brian was the star quarterback and, as he explains it, he and Julie were a pretty serious couple at the time. But, in the end, Brian ended up marrying Julie’s roommate and his own playing days came to a premature end when he broke his arm. Now, he’s on the Love Boat and he wants to not only get back together with Julie but he also wants to make a comeback in the NFL!

Julie is tempted. How couldn’t she be tempted by the Hoff? But watching Brian talk about his glory days on the football field, she realizes that he’s living in the past and, to an extent, so is she. Brian is, at first, upset by Julie’s feelings but then he realizes that she’s right. He makes peace with his years as a famous quarterback and he leaves the boat not as Julie’s lover but as her good friend….

MY GOD, JULIE — IT’S THE HOFF IN HIS GLORY DAYS! WHO CARES IF HE TALKS ABOUT FOOTBALL!? CHASE AFTER HIM!

The Pointer Sisters also board the ship, this time as employees of the cruise. Isaac want to impress a talent agent (Jeff Cooper) so he recruits the sisters to serve as his backing vocalists. After seeing them perform, the talent agent is impressed but only by the sisters. They get a recording contract while Isaac …. well, Isaac goes back to pouring drinks. POOR ISAAC! But give credit to Ted Lange, who brought a lot of sincere feeling to what could have been a throwaway storyline.

Finally, Glenn Dobson (Louis Nye) and his fiancée, Vanessa (Audra Lindley), board the boat so that they can get to know each other before the wedding. Glenn has severe aquaphobia and cannot bring himself to take off his inflatable life jacket. Vanessa tries to help him conquer his fear but nothing helps. Glenn fears all the other passengers are laughing at him. So, the crew and the passengers all put on their own life jackets to show Glenn that he has nothing to be ashamed of.

“Tonight,” Stubing announces, “we are truly a boat of love.”

Awwwwww! Seriously, who would have guessed that The Love Boat would make me cry? This was such a sweet story and both Louis Nye and Audra Lindley really seemed to be invested in their characters. When Glenn finally removed his life vest and took a few stumbling steps into the pool, I wanted to cheer.

What a great cruise this turned out to be!