T2, Danny Boyle’s sequel to Trainspotting, has already been released in the UK, where it received good but not great reviews.
(If anyone is interested in opening a TSL Bureau in the United Kingdom, please let us know.)
It’ll be released in America later this month. Here’s the latest trailer for the American release!
Along with being one of the greatest actors who ever lived, the late Peter O’Toole had another, far more dubious achievement. He holds the record for being nominated the most times for Best Actor without actually winning. Over the course of his long career, Peter O’Toole was nominated 8 times without winning.
But, at least O’Toole was nominated!
Below are 16 excellent actors who have NEVER been nominated for an Oscar. 10 of these actors still have a chance to get that first nomination. For the rest, the opportunity has sadly past.
Is there anyone out there who doesn’t like Kevin Bacon? Amazingly, despite several decades of good performances in good films, Kevin Bacon has yet to be nominated. That said, he seems destined to be nominated some day. If nothing else, he deserved some sort of award for being the most successful cast member of the original Friday the 13th. (As well, 40 years after the fact, his cry of “All is well!” from Animal House has become one of the most popular memes around.)
2. Brendan Gleeson
This brilliant Irish actor deserved a nomination (and probably the win) for his brave performance in Calvary. But, even if you ignore Calvary, his filmography is full of award-worthy performances. From The General to Gangs of New York to 28 Days Later to In Bruges to The Guard, Gleeson is overdue for some recognition.
3. John Goodman
John Goodman deserved to be nominated this year, for his performance in 10 Cloverfield Lane. He brought warmth to both Argo and Inside Llewyn Davis. And he was absolutely terrifying in Barton Fink. John Goodman is one of the most underrated actors working today.
4. Malcolm McDowell
It’s obviously been a while since Malcolm McDowell had a truly great role. But who could forget his amazing performance in A Clockwork Orange? For that matter, I liked his sweetly gentle performance in Time After Time. Someone give this man the great role that he deserves!
5. Ewan McGregor
Ewan McGregor is an actor who is oddly taken for granted. His performance in Trainspotting remains his best known work. But, really, he’s been consistently giving wonderful performances for twenty years now. Sometimes — as in the case of the Star Wars prequels — the films have not been worthy of his talent but McGregor has always been an engaging and compelling screen presence. When it comes to playing someone who is falling in love, few actors are as convincing as Ewan McGregor.
6) Franco Nero
Franco! If for nothing else, he deserved a nomination for playing not only Lancelot in Camelot and not only the original Django but also for playing Intergalactic Space Jesus in The Visitor. I also loved his work in a little-known Italian thriller called Hitchhike. Nero is still active — look for him in John Wick 2 — and hopefully, he’ll get at least one more truly great role in his lifetime.
7) Sam Rockwell
Let’s just get this out of the way. In a perfect world, Sam Rockwell would already have an Oscar. He would have won for his performance in 2009’s Moon. He also would have received nominations for The Way, Way Back and Seven Psychopaths. Sadly, Sam’s still waiting for his first nomination. Again, the problem may be that he’s such a natural that he just makes it look easy.
8) Andy Serkis
Andy Serkis has never been nominated, despite giving some of the best performances of this century. He should have been nominated for Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King. He should have won for Rise of the Planet of the Apes.
9) Harry Dean Stanton
Harry Dean Stanton has been around forever and he’ll probably outlive everyone else on the planet. He often seems to be indestructible. Harry Dean is the epitome of a great character actor. He’s a modern-day John Carradine. And, just as John Carradine was never nominated, Harry Dean seems to destined to suffer the same fate. Oscar may have forgotten him but film lovers never will.
10) Donald Sutherland
It’s hard to believe that Donald Sutherland has never been nominated for an Oscar but it’s true. He probably should have been nominated for his work in Ordinary People and JFK. Even his work in The Hunger Games franchise was an absolute delight to watch. I imagine that Sutherland will be nominated someday.
Finally, here are 6 actors who sadly were never honored by the Academy and who are no longer with us:
I mentioned John Carradine earlier. Carradine was a favorite of many directors and he brought his considerable (and rather eccentric) talents to a countless number of films. Among his best performances: Stagecoach and The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance.
2. John Cazale
Before his untimely death, John Cazale acted in 5 films: The Godfather, Godfather Part II, The Conversation, Dog Day Afternoon, and The Deer Hunter. All five of them were nominated for best picture. 12 years after his death, archival footage of him was used in The Godfather Part III. It was also nominated for Best Picture. Not only is Cazale alone in having spent his entire career in films nominated for best picture but, in each film, Cazale gave a performance that, arguably, deserved to be considered for a Best Supporting Actor nomination. Cazale was an amazing actor and it’s a shame that he wasn’t able to give us more great performances.
3. Oliver Reed
Oliver Reed was a legendary drinker but he was also an amazingly entertaining actor. I’m not a huge fan of Gladiator but his final performance was more than worthy of a posthumous nomination.
4. Alan Rickman
When it comes to the late Alan Rickman, it’s not a question of whether he should have been nominated. It’s a question of for which film. I know a lot of people would say Rickman deserved a nomination for redefining cinematic villainy in Die Hard. Personally, I loved his performance in Sense and Sensibility. And, of course, you can’t overlook any of the times that he played Snape.
5. Edward G. Robinson
Edward G. Robinson was never nominated for an Oscar!? Not even for Double Indemnity? Or his final performance in Soylent Green? Horrors!
6) Anton Yelchin
It’s debatable whether or not Anton Yelchin ever got a chance to give a truly award-worthy performance during his lifetime. I would argue that his work in both Green Room and Like Crazy were pretty close. But, if Yelchnin had lived, I’m confident he would have eventually been nominated. We lost a wonderful talent when we lost him.
Anyone who grew up during the late 80’s and through the early 90’s saw the return to it’s Golden Age of Disney animation. The Little Mermaid was the first to start it, but it was the follow-up animated film Beauty and the Beast which announced loudly that Disney was back after years upon years of lackluster and underwhelming animated films.
Disney is now in the midst of another era of dominating the film industry with both it’s live-action and animated films. Recent years saw Disney take some of its classic animated films of the past and adapt them into live-action films. We’ve gotten live-action version of Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty (redone as Maleficent)
Next in line is the upcoming live-action adaptation of Disney’s own animated film (which itself was an adaptation of earlier films of the same title and premise) of Beauty and the Beast with Emma Watson, Dan Stevens and Luke Evans taking on the three iconic roles of Belle, the Beast and Gaston.
Beauty and the Beast is set to invite all as its guests on March 17, 2017.
Jane Got A Gun, which was released with little fanfare in January and is now available on Netflix, could just as easily have been called This Bishop Boys Are Coming And Who Gives A Fuck?
In fact, I like that title better than Jane Got A Gun. As far as I’m concerned, I am no longer reviewing Jane Got A Gun. Instead, I am going to tell you about a film called The Bishop Boys Are Coming And Who Gives A Fuck?
The film is a western, taking place shortly after the end of the Civil War. (Isn’t it interesting how every western recently produced has taken place shortly after the Civil War? Way to avoid awkward historical truths, Hollywood.) Jane (Natalie Portman) lives on an isolated farm, with her daughter and her husband, Bill Hammond (Noah Emmerich, who is wasted both figuratively and literally). Hammond used to be an outlaw but now, he’s a pretty good guy. But the Bishop Boys are still after him!
Who are the Bishop Boys?
Well, John Bishop is Ewan McGregor. He’s an evil businessman and a bounty hunter and he used to be in love with Jane but now it seems that he mostly just wants to collect the bounty that’s on Hammond’s head. I love Ewan McGregor but, as we all should have learned from his performance in Haywire, he doesn’t make the most convincing villain. McGregor is one of those actors who radiates an inner humanity. No actor falls in love as convincingly as Ewan McGregor. That’s what makes him a compelling actor but it also means that he’s totally miscast as a bounty hunting sociopath.
Anyway, the Bishop Boys end up putting five bullets in Hammond so he goes home to die. “The Bishop Boys are coming,” he says and Jane has to prepare for the upcoming siege. Fortunately, her surly neighbor, Dan (Joel Edgerton, who seems to be bored with the whole thing), just happens to be her former fiancée and he’s still in love with her, though he tries to hide his love behind bitterness and pithy one-liners. It also turns out that Dan was a hero in the Civil War but he’s weary of violence.
Don’t worry, though! Dan is still willing to kill. After all, not much would happen in the movie if Dan wasn’t willing to shoot people…
Anyway, The Bishop Boys Are Coming And Who Gives A Fuck only lasts for 98 minutes but there’s a lot of hints that there was originally supposed to be a lot more to the movie than actually showed up on screen. We get a few lengthy flashbacks, all of which hint at a story that actually explores what it means to be a woman in a patriarchal society and which, if properly handled, would have made The Bishop Boys Are Coming And Who Gives A Fuck the feminist western that it’s attempting to be. Watching this movie, you get the feeling that a lot of the original storyline was either not filmed or left on the cutting room floor.
To be honest, I really wanted this to be a great movie or, at the very least, a decent showcase for Natalie Portman, who was one of my favorite actresses even before Black Swan. However, I officially gave up on this film after 50 minutes. That was around the time that Dan started to ramble about life, death, and doin’ the ratt thang. It was all just so clichéd and the rest of the film wasn’t any better.
The Bishop Boys Are Coming And Who Gives A Fuck? did receive some attention because its screenplay was included in the Black List, which claims to be an annual survey of the best unproduced screenplays in Hollywood. The Black List is one of the greatest con jobs ever perpetrated by the film industry. While it’s true that American Hustle and The King’s Speech appeared on the Black List, a typical Black List screenplay usually turns out to be something like The Beaver, Broken City, or Cedar Rapids. You can add The Bishop Boys Are Coming And Who Gives A Fuck? to the long line of Black List scripts that became utterly forgettable movies.
Walt Disney Studios continues to adapt their classic animated films into live-action and the next in line is 1991’s classic film, Beauty and the Beast.
This animated film was an instant classic and the first to be nominated outside of the Best Animated Film category in the Academy Awards. It was nominated for Best Picture and, for some, it truly deserve not just the nomination but should’ve won the Best Picture award that year.
The teaser trailer makes great use of the music written and composed by Alan Menken and Howard Ashman for the film. We get both the prologue and the title track from the 1991 soundtrack in the teaser trailer. For those who saw the original animated film during it’s original first run in 1991 should be taken back to those days when Beauty and the Beast enchanted a global audience.
With a stellar cast led by Emma Watson, Dan Stevens and Luke Evans, this live-action adaptation has a lot to live up to.
Beauty and the Beast is set to invite all as its guests on March 17, 2017.
Here’s the trailer for the upcoming thriller, Our Kind of Traitor! I have to admit that, having watched the trailer, I have mixed feelings. I love Ewan McGregor but I am so sick of movies featuring Russian mobsters.
My love for Ewan will be put to the test on July 1st!
With Miles Ahead, Don Cheadle both directs and stars as jazz legend Miles Davis. Originally expected to be released at the end of last year, Miles Ahead is also a film that many of us were expecting to be a definite Oscar contender. However, the film’s release was delayed, the Oscar nominations led to #OscarsSoWhite trending on twitter for the second year in a row, and Miles Ahead will finally be released in April of this year.
And here’s the trailer! With a few notable exceptions — like Grand Budapest Hotel — it’s rare that anything too good is ever released in March or April. But I remain cautiously optimistic, if just because of the pairing of Don Cheadle and Ewan McGregor.
The year 2005 was a dark time to be a fan of Star Wars.
The first two parts of the highly anticipated prequel trilogy had been released and had left fans feeling as if millions of voices had cried out in terror and suddenly been silenced. No sooner had fans started to recover from the trauma of The Phantom Menace then Attack of the Clones was unleashed and they were stunned to learn that a movie could be even more pointless than The Phantom Menace.
The summer of 2005 promised the release of Star Wars Episode III: The Revenge of the Sith. Fans were excited because they knew that Anakin Skywalker would finally be transformed into Darth Vader but they also knew that he would still be played by Hayden Christensen. Many of us who went to see the movie on its opening weekend did so with low expectations and mixed feelings.
“WAR!” the opening title crawl of Revenge of the Sith declared, as if it was trying to reassure those of us in the audience that it would not be another boring Star Wars prequel. There was nothing in the crawl about taxation or trade routes. Instead, it was all about how the Galactic Republic was at war with separatists and how Chancellor Palpatine was being held prisoner by General Grievous. After an exciting battle on Grievous’s flagship, Anakin not only rescued Palpatine but also decapitated Christopher Lee’s Count Dooku, despite the fact that Dooku had surrendered and was unarmed. That’s when those of us watching knew that Revenge of the Sith was not going to be like the other two prequels. Revenge of the Sith was going to be darker and edgier and not just for kids. A headless Count Dooku action figure would not be sold at your local toy store.
Looking back, it is easy to forget how relieved many of us were that Revenge of the Sith was not terrible. After the bitter disappointment of the first two prequels, we were happy that Jar Jar Binks only appeared during one shot towards the end of the film and he did not speak. We were happy that Ewan McGregor and Natalie Portman both finally got to give performances that justified casting actors of their caliber as Obi-Wan and Amidala. We were happy that, since Anakin and Amidala were secretly married between Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith, we did not have to sit through any more scenes of them falling in love. Many of us had found Hayden Christensen’s performance to be petulant in Attack of the Clones and, intentionally or not, Revenge of the Sith seemed to validate our suspicions by having both Yoda and Mace Windu say the same thing about Anakin. After the embarrassment of Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones, this was a prequel that we felt we could get behind.
And we were really happy with the climatic battle between Obi-Wan and Anakin. After Anakin had gone over to the dark side, he and Obi-Wan dueled on a volcanic planet. “You were supposed to be the chosen one!” Obi-Wan shouted after chopping off Anakin’s legs. After being left to die by Obi-Wan, Anakin was rescued by Emperor Palpatine. It was only after being encased in that famous black armor that Palpatine told the new Darth Vader that Amidala had died. Darth Vader’s “Nooooooooo!” would go down in history.
At the end of the film, Jimmy Smits was seen giving an infant Luke to Owen and Beru Lars and Darth Vader and the Emperor were seen standing on the bridge of an imperial ship and looking out at the skeleton of the Death Star. For the first time since the prequels were first released, some of us applauded at the end of a Star Wars film.
When, ten years later, I rewatched Revenge of the Sith for the first time in a long while, my immediate impression was that it was nowhere close to being as good as I remembered. Without a doubt, it was still the best of the prequels but how much was that really saying? Of all the prequels, it came the closest to capturing the sense of awe and excitement that made the original trilogy (even Return of the Jedi) so entertaining but, at the same time, it still had many of the same flaws that afflicted Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones. Hayden Christensen was as stiff and inexpressive as ever, as was George Lucas’s dialogue. (When Obi-Wan tells Anakin that Palpatine is evil, Anakin actually replies, “From my point of view, the Jedis are evil!” He shouts this in the middle of a light saber duel.) Even the movie’s most shocking moment, when Anakin murdered a group of children, was no longer effective because everyone in the movie insisted on calling the children “younglings.”
Throughout the entire prequel ordeal, George Lucas would insist that it was necessary to see all three of the prequels to really understand the story he was trying to tell and how it fit in with the original trilogy. However, of all the prequels, Revenge of the Sith is the only one that feels as if it adds anything to what we had already learned from watching the original trilogy. Nor is there anything to be gained from having seen the first two prequels before watching Revenge of the Sith for the first time. The main accomplishment of Revenge of the Sith was to prove that The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones were entirely unnecessary. (Revenge of the Sith actually works better if you have never seen Phantom Menace because there is no way that the Anakin played by Jake Lloyd could have grown up to be the Anakin played by Hayden Christensen.)
Why, when we originally watched Revenge of the Sith, did so many of us think that it was so much better than it actually was?
In the year 2005, we were just happy to have a Star Wars film that did not totally suck.
Attack of the Clones is, at least in my opinion, the worst Star Wars film ever made. Hands down. That is not to say it’s not mildly entertaining, but it demands a great deal of good will from its viewer to keep him from sneering at the movie constantly, especially if said viewer is a fan.
Christ, where do I even begin.
It’s important to note that Episode II is a transition movie. If that’s not clear enough, what I mean is that it’s a movie that exists to connect both the childish, yet potentially endearing Episode I, and the much darker and edgier Episode III. Episode II is somewhere inbetween these two moods, trying to make the transition smoother, disastrously so. It’s catastrophic in many levels, but mostly because of Hayden Christensen’s Anakin Skywalker. We’ll get there soon.
Episode II starts as a movie about politics. Now, I like fictional world politics as much as the next person. I honestly do. Especially in a space opera setting. But in Star Wars the politics are dull and barely explained. Padmé Amidala’s two terms as democratically elected Queen of Naboo (wait, what?) are now over, and she continues her career as a politician by becoming a senator. The story begins by trying to make it interesting that people are trying to kill Amidala, on what appears to be politically motivated crimes. We don’t get much context, except that she opposes some other senators. Palpatine, being the super trustworthy guy everyone always knew he was, assigns the Jedi Order to protect her, and finds that Obi-Wan is a suitable bodyguard for Padmé, considering their friendship way back in Episode I. Of course, Obi-Wan must take his apprentice, Anakin Skywalker, with him. And hilarity ensues.
Now, you’re probably familiar with whom Anakin is to become, and you probably know whose father he is, so this movie must establish one very important thing; an origin to the affection between future Lord Vader and an unwitting woman, so that we can learn whose womb was it that those guys from the original trilogy came from. Therefore, in addition to being about lackluster politics, this is a movie about love.
DAMN SON.
Now, I have to agree with Padmé. You can preach all you want about how you have a massive crush on Hayden Christensen’s mini braid, but that piercing sex offender gaze made me uncomfortable. Throughout the first act, Anakin goes from flirting with the poor woman to actively doing stuff very similar to sexual harassment. I mean, seriously, look at this lecherous, leering asshole.
Darth Vader has always been regarded as one of the greatest villains of cinema, but I never figured that he was also one of the sleaziest.
I wish this was the only problem with Anakin. Maybe it’s not Mr. Christensen’s acting, but the poor writing (though I suspect that, considering his absence in major movies this decade, his acting was definitely a factor). Young Skywalker is a very gifted Jedi, being immaculately conceived by midi-chlorians and all (I can’t stop laughing), and he is painfully aware of his skills, which he shows through an overpowering arrogance. Now, arrogance when done right can be charming, and perhaps that was the intention; to make Darth Vader a badass even as a teenager, a daredevil, someone who just barely succeeds, but does it with style. Anakin, however, comes across as impudent, annoying, and exceedingly stupid. It seems Anakin can’t go two scenes without doing something that would displease the Jedi council, and entirely aware of it too. ‘Cause that’s just how he rolls. James Dean from a galaxy far far away.
Second act comes. Anakin grows more and more adolescent and fascist. More politics happen. Then there are some cool action scenes that seem to save the film. Obi-Wan is written as barely having a personality, aside from comments that try to make it evident that he is growing older and grumpier, even though he can’t be much more than 30. Regardless, he is arguably the saving grace in the main cast, at the very least as far as really cool fights go. He pilots fighter ships, he fights with a lightsaber; the man sees some action. It’s almost depressing to see an actor of Ewan McGregor’s caliber being reduced to action hero and grumpy mentor to an angsty teenager.
Their dynamic is oddly reminiscent of Gran Torino
Jar Jar also appears. Fan favourite Jar Jar. I feel this is worth mentioning because in an extremely important scene he proposes (as stand-in senator for Amidala) to convey supreme power to Chancellor Palpatine. Yes, that Chancellor Palpatine, and I have to wonder why they couldn’t task this burden to an unnamed senator. Don’t people hate the poor gungan enough? It’s as if George Lucas is just fucking with his public to see how far they can go, at this point.
And then, in the third act, we are introduced to the big bad: Count Dooku, played by the late Sir Christopher Lee. You’d think that bringing this legend of acting might infer that this character is the highlight of the cast. Might have been. Dooku is a character full of potential. He’s obviously evil, but with just the right amount of idealism to seem more shades of grey than the cruel, pure black villains the series are accostumed to. But apparently all he does is some exposition, then pave the way for the epic arena fight scene that kind of defines this movie as a Star Wars film (perhaps one of the only things that defines this as a Star Wars film), some more exposition, a lightsaber duel (a really cool one, wrapping up the whole two things that make this a Star Wars film), and then he’s gone, apparently having started a war. The movie is over, without fully explaining why things escalated, and who exactly Count Dooku represents that the Republic is at war with.
WAR AGAINST WHOM???
I’m serious when I say this can be an entertaining movie. The fight scenes can be fun and you can laugh at what ridiculous situations the actors are subjected to. But it’s mostly incredibly dull. It’s a film that throws you into an extended torrent of politics you need to understand beforehand to appreciate, and that lead to Clone Wars, a pretty cool spin-off that most people never got to see and that might as well have been properly included as crucial to the continuity since it’s much better than this. As a standalone film, the story is a confusing, rushed mess even at two hours long. As a Star Wars film, Attack of the Clones makes it obvious that the series is not infallible. Horribly, gapingly, obviously not infallible.
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…
The time was May of 1999. The place was a movie theater in Baltimore, Maryland. The theater was packed with people waiting to see the most anticipated film of their lifetime. The film was The Phantom Menace, the first prequel to the original Star Wars trilogy. For two years, the people in the audience had followed every detail of the film’s production. Some of them had gone to showings of Meet Joe Black and Wing Commander, just so they could see the first trailers for the film.
Sitting out in that audience was one 16 year-old boy who, a few nights earlier, had been standing outside a Target at midnight so that he could be one of the first to buy Phantom Menace merchandise. He bought two Jar Jar Binks action figures because, even before Phantom Menace opened, he suspected Jar Jar would be the most controversial character.
When the lights went down, the audience cheered. At the start of every trailer, someone in the dark theater shouted, “I bent my Wookie!” The audience laughed the first two times. By the fifth time, there were only a few pity titters.
Finally, it was time! The first few notes of John Williams’s Star Wars theme echoed through the theater. Again, the audience cheered as the familiar title crawl appeared on-screen.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQBV9pXleF0
The 16 year-old read the opening crawl and he started to get worried. What was all this talk about taxation? Trade routes? Trade Federation? Blockades? It seemed more appropriate for Star Trek or even Dune. Except for the mention of Jedis at the end of the crawl, it did not sound much like Star Wars.
Things started to look up as soon as Liam Neeson and Ewan McGregor made their first appearance as Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan’s first line was, “I have a bad feeling about this.” A few people in the audience clapped. “I bent my Wookie!” a familiar voice shouted. Nobody laughed.
When a hologram of Darth Sidious appeared and told the Trade Federation goons to kill Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan, everyone in the audience knew that Darth Sidious was Palaptine, the future Emperor, and the excitement was palpable. When Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan fought off the battle droids and escaped to the besieged planet of Naboo, the audience started to relax. Maybe this wouldn’t be as bad as the critics were saying.
Then Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan met Jar Jar Binks and the whole movie went to shit.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IIQVAShJzLo
In the months leading up to the release of The Phantom Menace, everyone had heard about Jar Jar Binks and how he was a totally computer-generated character. Jar Jar Binks was the future of movie technology and, from the minute he first appeared, the future was fucking terrifying. Jar Jar was a Gungun, an amphibious creature who was characterized as being clumsy and cowardly. He shrieked in a high-pitched voice and spoke in an indescribable dialect. As much as the audience tried, there was no way to avoid or ignore Jar Jar Binks. He was not in the entire movie but he was at the center of every scene in which he did appear.
As Jar Jar led Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon to the underwater city of the Gunguns, a voice in the dark theater shouted out, “I bent my Wookie!”
“Shut the fuck up!” the 16 year-old snapped back.
The 16 year-old was not sure if anyone heard him but the voice was silent for the rest of the movie.
Sorry, Ralph.
No sooner had the audience recovered from their introduction to Jar Jar then they met young Anakin Skywalker. Anakin’s story was the whole reason that The Phantom Menace had been made. The audience knew that the prequels would show how Anakin Skywalker would grow up to the greatest and most evil badass in the universe, Darth Vader. But in Phantom Menace, he was just a 9 year-old slave on the planet of Tatooine, conceived by immaculate conception. Even before Phantom Menace was released, the word was out that Jake Lloyd, the child cast as young Anakin, was not exactly the best actor in the world. But even though they had been forewarned, the audience was not prepared for just how terrible little Jake Lloyd was in the role. There was no darkness to Jake Lloyd’s cutesy performance. There was no sadness or toughness. Jake Lloyd came across like the type of hyperactive child who would end up in the ensemble of a Christmas play, breaking character and waving to his parents during the Crucifixion. Not only could the audience not see him growing up to be Darth Vader but they could not imagine him as a slave living on an inhospitable desert planet.
Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, Jar Jar, Queen Padme (Keira Knightley), and Padme’s handmaid, Amidala (Natalie Portman) were stranded on Tatooine when they first met Anakin. Qui-Gon felt that Anakin was “the chosen one,” who would bring balance to the force. It was hard for the audience to believe him when they heard Anakin shout, “Yippe!”
For that 16 year-old who had stayed up past midnight to buy two Jar Jar Binks action figures, that “yippe” was the final straw. He had watched the original Star Wars trilogy on VHS tapes. He had gone to the re-releases. He loved Star Wars and he wanted to love The Phantom Menace. Instead, he felt so let down by the film that he could barely look at the screen.
The 16 year-old wondered why C3PO and R2D2 were in the film. Phantom Menace revealed that they were built by the future Darth Vader. R2D2 would even help Anakin in the film’s final battle. It made no sense. The 16 year-old wondered if anyone else in the audience was as confused as he was. He wondered why, if he could see that this made no sense, George Lucas could not understand the same thing.
Anakin won a pod race and was allowed to leave Tatooine. The film’s action was moved to the Coruscant, a planet that was covered with one huge city. Samuel L. Jackson appeared as Mace Windu and, when he stared out at the audience, he seemed to be saying, “I fucking dare you to yell anything about bending your motherfucking Wookie!” There were scenes set in the galactic senate, presumably to appease everyone who wanted a meticulously detailed portrait of how a galactic Republic would be governed. Padme turned out to be a fake and Amidala was revealed as the real queen. There was a final battle between the forces of the Republic and the Trade Federation. Qui-Gon was killed in a duel with the evil Darth Maul (Ray Park) but Obi-Wan promised to train Anakin in the ways of the Jedi. Palpatine promised that he would be watching Anakin’s development.
And, of course, there was this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FoVpSPXGCvc
For many in the audience who truly loved the original trilogy and who had spent the past two years scouring every corner of the Internet in search of news about The Phantom Menace, the midi-chlorians was the point that they give up on the movie. The Force added a hint of mysticism to the original trilogy. Because it was so mysterious and its origins so deliberately obscure, fans of Star Wars could imagine that The Force was inside of them as well as Luke and Darth Vader. “May the force be with you,” was more than just a catch phrase to those fans. It was a reminder that, even in a galaxy far far away, there was still mystery and faith. When Qui-Gon talked about midi-chlorians, fans realized that not only did they understand the appeal of Star Wars better than George Lucas but George Lucas did not even care why they loved his film. For those fans, the midi-chlorians not only ruined The Phantom Menace but cheapened the original trilogy as well. The Force was no longer special or mystical. Anakin might as well have just been bitten by a radioactive spider.
For the 16 year-old, it was somehow even worse that, before asking about the Force, Anakin apologized to Qui-Gon for causing so much trouble. Sitting out in the theater, he knew that the boy who would grow up to be Darth Vader would never yell “yippie!” and he would never apologize for causing any trouble.
At the end of the movie, the audience did not know how to react. The 16 year-old talked to his friends as they filed out of the theater. Everyone was in a state of denial. They knew that they had seen something very disappointing but, after all the excitement leading up to the release of The Phantom Menace, they did not want to admit how disappointed they really were with the actual movie. They talked about what did work. They talked about the pod race, which had been fun. They talked about the exciting light saber duel between Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, and Darth Maul. Being teenage boys, they also talked about Natalie Portman and Keira Knightley.
They tried not to talk about Jar Jar Binks, beyond agreeing that he sucked. They tried not to talk about Jake Lloyd as Anakin. It was too painful to know that Star Wars had been reduced to Jar Jar Binks and Jake Lloyd. They did make fun of the “I bent my Wookie” guy. In the face of grave disillusionment, it was all that the 16 year-old and his friends could do.
Today, enough time has passed that it is easier to laugh about Jar Jar Binks and The Phantom Menace. Though the initial trauma may have faded into memory, it all came rushing back to me as soon as Lisa asked me if I would be willing to review The Phantom Menace for this site. I cautiously agreed and hoped that, since I already knew what I was getting myself into, The Phantom Menace would not be as disappointing the second time around.
It was a strange experience rewatching The Phantom Menace. While I remembered how bad the movie was, I’d forgotten how equally boring it was. Jar Jar Binks was even more annoying than I remembered and Jake Lloyd was even worse. Of the film’s best scenes, the pod race went on too long and the duel with Darth Maul was too short. For such a badass villain, Darth Maul was underused for much of the film, as if George Lucas did not understand that the kids he claimed to have made the film for would be far more interested in the dynamic Darth Maul than the histrionic Jar Jar Binks.
Emphasizing Jar Jar Binks over Darth Maul made as much sense as emphasizing the Ewoks at the expense of Boba Fett.
Worst of all, the entire movie felt even more pointless the second time around. When the prequels were first released, George Lucas always said that all three of them should be viewed in the context of the larger story that they were telling. But what do we really learn from The Phantom Menace or any of the prequels? Did anyone really want to know about how trade was regulated before the Empire? Did we really need to know the exact details of how Anakin became a Jedi? Watching The Phantom Menace, the answer is no.
I was especially surprised by how bad the CGI looked. When The Phantom Menace was first released, the CGI was often the only thing that was critically praised. Critics may have hated Jar Jar Binks as a character but they all agreed that it was impressive that a major character had been created by a computer. It is easy to forget just how big a deal was made about The Phantom Menace‘s special effects. At the time, we had yet to take it for granted that an entire movie could be made on a computer.
But seen today, the CGI not only seems cartoonish but, like the midi-chlorians, it feels like a betrayal of everything that made the original Star Wars special. The universe of New Hope and Empire Strikes Back felt lived in. It was imperfect and real. It was a universe where even the most fearsome storm trooper could accidentally bump his head on a doorway.
But the CGI-created universe of The Phantom Menace was too slick and too perfect. There was no chance for spontaneity or anything unexpected. The universe of the original Star Wars trilogy was one in which you could imagine living but the universe of The Phantom Menace seemed only to exist in the computers at Lucasfilm. With The Phantom Menace, George Lucas seemed to be reminding those who loved his films that the Star Wars universe belonged to him and him alone. Our imagination was no longer necessary.
As for that 16 year-old who first saw The Phantom Menace in that Baltimore theater, I still have those Jar Jar Binks action figures. I keep one of them on my desk at work and I enjoy the strange looks that it gets. If you push down its arms, Jar Jar sticks out his tongue.
It just seems appropriate.
Through the Shattered Lens 