Why I Love Toy Story of Terror!


In Toy Story of Terror!, Bonnie (voice of Emily Hahn) is going on a Halloween road trip to visit her grandmother. When the car gets a flat, Bonnie and her mother have to spend the night in a creepy hotel. Bonnie has brought aome of her toys with her –Sheriff Woody (Tom Hanks), Buzz Lightyear (Tim Allen), Jessie (Joan Cusack), Mr. Potato Head (Don Rickles), Rex (Wallace Shawn), Trixie (Kristen Schaal), and Mr. Pricklepants (Timothy Dalton). Mr. Pricklepants says that the motel feels like the setting of a horror story and he’s right! Mr. Potato Head vanishes, leaving behind only his arm. While the toys search for him, they are captured one-by-one by an iguana. The owner of hotel (Stephen Tobolowsky) is stealing his guests’ toys and selling them online.

Toy Story of Terror! introduces some other toys, all of whom have been captured and imprisoned in a glass case. Combat Carl (Carl Weathers) was my favorite but I also have a soft spot for Old Timer (Christian Romano), the alarm clock who spoke like an old man. I like the iguana too. He didn’t know he was being bad.

What makes Toy Story of Terror! so special is that Jessie has to conquer her fear of being in a box to rescue Woody and the other toys. Everyone is scared of something, even brave and confident Jessie. Like Jessie, I get claustrophobic. I’m embarrassed to admit it but I do like to a keep a nightlight on when I’m sleeping. I don’t like the idea of waking up and not being able to see what’s in front of me. Toy Story of Terror! isn’t just about toys. It’s also about how it’s okay to scared because, deep down, we all have the strength to conquer our fears. Jessie proves it when she hides in a box so she can save Woody. Maybe I’ll even turn off the nightlight tonight. Nah, I don’t think so.

Lisa and I have watched Toy Story of Terror! every year since it first aired in 2013. Every time I see it, it makes me smile and it makes me feel like there’s nothing that I can’t do. I don’t know if they’re going to broadcast the special on TV this year. There really haven’t been any special Halloween shows yet, though there’s still another week to go. If they don’t air, it’ll be a shame. It is on Disney+, though. And It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown is on Apple TV! Don’t forget to watch them this October!

Film Review: Kelly’s Heroes (dir by Brian G. Hutton)


1970’s Kelly’s Heroes takes place in France during the Second World War.  The American army is moving through the country, liberating it town-by-town.  Private Kelly (Clint Eastwood) is a former lieutenant who was busted down in rank after leading a disastrous raid on the wrong hill.  (It was the fault of the generals but Lt. Kelly was set up as a scapegoat.)  When Kelly learns that the Germans are hiding a huge amount of gold in an occupied town, he gathers together a team of weary soldiers, misfits all, and plans to go AWOL to steal the gold for themselves.

Kelly’s Heroes was one of the big budget studio films that Eastwood made after finding stardom in Europe with Sergio Leone’s Spaghetti westerns.  This is very much an ensemble film, in the vein of The Dirty Dozen.  Indeed, Eastwood’s co-star, Telly Savalas, was in The Dirty Dozen.  Here, Savalas plays Big Joe, the sergeant who isn’t sure that he wants to put his men in danger for gold that may or may not exist.  Don Rickles plays Crapshoot who is …. well, imagine Don Rickles in the middle of World War II and you have a pretty good idea of who Crapshoot is.  Stuart Margolin, Harry Dean Stanton, Perry Lopez, Gavin MacLeod shows up as soldiers.  Carroll O’Connor plays the bombastic general who mistakes Kelly’s attempts to go AWOL for a brilliant tactical maneuver,  Like all of the senior officers in this film, O’Connor’s general is a buffoon.  Kelly’s Heroes was made during the Vietnam War and, much like Patton (released the same year), it attempts to appeal to both the establishment and the counterculture by making the heroes soldiers but their bosses jerks.

And that brings us to Donald Sutherland, who plays a tank commander named Oddball.  You may not have know this but apparently, there were hippies in the 40s!  Actually, I don’t think that’s true but there’s really no other way to describe Oddball than as a Hollywood hippie.  He’s a blissed-out, spacey guy who thinks nothing of accidnetally driving his tank through a building.  The films ask us to believe that the long-haired and bearded Oddball is a World War II tank commander and Sutherland is such a likable presence that it’s temping to just go with it.  Oddball was obviously included to bring in “the kids” but he does generate some needed laughs.  This is a very long movie and the comedic moments are appreciated.

Kelly’s Heroes is two-and-a-half hours long and it definitely could have been shorter.  Director Brian Hutton allows some scenes to drag on for a bit too long and he sometimes struggles to balance the moments of comedy with the moments of violent drama (quite a few character dies) but he does get good performances from his ensemble.  Eastwood’s taciturn acting style is nicely matched with Savalas’s more expressive style and it’s hard not smile at Don Rickles, insulting everyone as if they were guests at Joe Gallo’s birthday party.  The film, at times, doesn’t seem to know if it wants to be a satire or a straight heist film but the cast keep things watchable.  Eastwood even gets to show a few hints of the dry sense of humor that always hid behind the perpetually bad mood that often seemed to hang over him in his early films.  Whatever flaws the film may have, it was a box office success.  One year after this release of Kelly’s Heroes, Eastwood would make history as Dirty Harry.

Horror Film Review: X: The Man With X-Ray Eyes (dir by Roger Corman)


X: The Man With The X-Ray Eyes (1963, dir by Roger Corman, DP: Floyd Crosby)

Eyes.  They’re one of the most important parts of our body but they’re also frightening easy to damage. Unlike the heart or the liver or the brain, they don’t have a protective covering of skin and bone.  They sit exposed and  are easily injured.  They can be ripped out of one’s head, which is a scary thought.  As well, they tend to grow weaker over time.  I love my multi-colored eyes and I think they’re one of my best features but I still spend a lot of time wishing that they weren’t quite as vulnerable as they are.  I often say that I’m blind without my contacts or my glasses.  That’s not quite true, of course.  I can see enough to get by if I forget to put in my contacts but I still have to do a lot of squinting, enough so that most people can take one look at me and say, “You forgot to put in your contacts, didn’t you?”  In my case, my eyesight has definitely gotten even worse over the past few years.  I’ve been told that’s normal but it still freaks me out.  I worry about waking up one day and not being able to see anything at all.

Director Lucio Fulci, a diabetic who was slowly going blind during the final years of his life, was infamous for including scenes of eyes being either pierced or gouged out in his films.  The New York Ripper even featured one scene where an eye was slit in half with a razor blade.  (This occurred in a close-up, no less!)  In Joe D’Amato’s Beyond the Darkness, there’s a scene where a mad taxidermist replaces the eyes of his dead fiancée with glass and for me, that’s one of most disturbing elements of the film.  Horror directors understand the vulnerability of the eyes and the sadness when life is extinguished from those eyes.  Eyes are said to be the windows to soul and when those eyes are lifeless, it’s a reminder that a living soul is a fleeting thing.

Perhaps that’s why 1963’s X: The Man With The X-Ray Eyes is such an effective work of art.  Directed by Roger Corman, the film tells the story of Dr. James Xavier (Ray Milland), a doctor who has developed eye drops that, when taken, allow one to have x-ray vision.  Dr. Xavier claims that the eye drops will allow doctors to more easily diagnose their patients and certainly, he has a point there.  His friend, Dr. Sam Brant (Harold J. Stone), points out that the eyes are directly connected to the brain and that using experimental eye drops on them could potentially drive a person mad.  Dr. Xavier proves Dr. Brant’s point by losing his tempter and accidentally pushing him out of a window.

Ah, x-ray vision.  It all starts out fun.  Dr. Xavier is performing miracle surgeries and seeing what everyone looks like naked.  (The swinging jazz party scene is a classic example of how 60s B-movies teased audiences while never quite showing everything.) But once he’s forced to go on the run from the police, Xavier finds himself making a living as a carnival psychic while still trying to refine his eyedrops.  Xavier’s sleazy manager (Don Rickles) tries to turn Xavier into a faith healer but, with Xavier’s x-ray vision growing more erratic and more intense, Xavier ends up running off to Vegas with a former colleague, Dr. Diane Fairfax (Diana Van der Vils).

And again, it’s all fun and games as Xavier uses his powers to cheat at cards.  But then the megalomania kicks in and, after Xavier basically announces that he’s cheating, he finds himself being chased through the desert by a police helicopter and freaking out as more and more of the universe is revealed to him.  Much like a Lovecraftian protagonist who has been driven mad by the sight of the Great Old Ones, Xavier finds himself overwhelmed by the center of the universe.  At a tent revival, a preacher shouts, “If thine eye offends thee, pluck it out!”

The film’s final image is a shocking one and it stays with you.  (There were rumors that the film originally ended with Xavier shouting, “I can still see!” but Corman himself said that never happened.)  Even without that final image, this would be one of Corman’s best films, a surprisingly intelligent and rather sad story about a man who, in trying to see what is usually hidden, was driven mad by what he discovered.  Ray Milland was well-cast as Dr. Xavier and watching him go from being a somewhat stiff but good-hearted scientist to a raving madman at a revival is quite an experience, a testament to the vulnerability that all humans share.  In the name of science, Xavier goes from being a respected researcher to being chased through the desert by a helicopter.  The man who wanted to be able to see everything finds himself wishing to be forever blinded.  Sometimes, the film suggests, it’s best not to be able to see everything around us.  Sometime, the mysteries of the universe should remain mysteries and the rest of us should respect our own vulnerabilities.

Drive-In Saturday Night 2: BIKINI BEACH (AIP 1964) & PAJAMA PARTY (AIP 1964)


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Welcome back to Drive-In Saturday Night! Summer’s here, and the time is right for a double dose of American-International teen flicks, so pull in, pull up a speaker to hang on your car window, and enjoy our first feature, 1964’s BIKINI BEACH, starring Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello:

BIKINI BEACH is the third of AIP’s ‘Beach Party’ movies, and this one’s a typical hodgepodge of music, comedy, and the usual teenage shenanigans. The gang’s all here, heading to the beach on spring break for surfing and swinging. This time around, there’s a newcomer on the sand, British rock star The Potato Bug, with Frankie playing a dual role. Potato Bug is an obvious spoof of the big Beatlemania fever sweeping the country, with all the beach chicks (or “birds”, as he calls ’em) screaming whenever PB starts singing one of his songs, complete with Lennon/McCartney-esque “Wooos” and “Yeah, yeah, yeahs”…

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A Movie a Day #301: Keaton’s Cop (1990, directed by Bob Burge)


Mike Gable (Lee Majors) is the angriest cop in Galveston, famous for tossing people out of windows.  Jake (Don Rickles!) is Gable’s partner, who seems to be too old to still be on the force.  Gable’s best friend is Keaton (Abe Vigoda), a retired mobster who now lives in a nursery home.  When it becomes apparent that someone has put a hit out on Keaton, Gable and Jake are sent to investigate.  A shoot out at the nursery home leads to Jake’s death.  Another shoot out at a hotel leads to the death of several other cops.  Gable can either toss Keaton out a window or he can team up with him to solve the murders.  Imagine 48 Hours with Lee Majors replacing Nick Nolte and Eddie Murphy stepping aside for Abe Vigoda.

In the style of both 48 Hours and Midnight Run, Keaton’s Cop tries to combine comedy with action but the comedy is too lame to be funny and the action is too brutal to be light-hearted.  For some reason, Don Rickles plays his role completely straight while Abe Vigoda mostly just looks happy to have the chance to play a leading role for once.  Lee Majors is believable as an angry cop, mostly because he appears to be pissed off about having to appear in Keaton’s Cop.  It can’t be easy to go from being the Six Million Dollar Man to a movie like this.

What would have improved Keaton’s Cop?  How about an appearance from the stars of Shattered If Your Kid’s On Drugs:

Right, Burt?

Fun in the Sun: BEACH BLANKET BINGO (AIP 1965)


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You’d think by the fourth entry in American-International’s ‘Beach Party’ series, 1965’s BEACH BLANKET BINGO, the formula would be wearing a bit thin. Frankie and Annette are still trying to make each other jealous, Eric Von Zipper and his Rats are still comic menaces, and the gang’s into yet another new kick (skydiving this time around). But thanks to a top-notch supporting cast of characters, a sweet subplot involving a mermaid, and the genius of comedy legend Buster Keaton , BEACH BLANKET BINGO is loads of fun!

Aspiring singer Sugar Kane skydives from a plan into the middle of the ocean and is “rescued” by surfer Frankie. But not really… it’s all been a publicity stunt by her PR agent ‘Bullets’. Sugar is played by lovely Linda Evans, right before she landed on TV’s THE BIG VALLEY, and ‘Bullets’ is none other than the fantastically sarcastic Paul Lynde. But wait… Eric Von Zipper…

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RIP, Ya Hockey Puck: Don Rickles on Film and Television


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“Mr. Warmth”, the great Don Rickles, died yesterday at age 90. He was outrageous, rude, definitely non-PC, and hysterically funny. Rickles threw his verbal brickbats at everybody regardless of race, creed, national origin, or political persuasion, and it was all in good-spirited fun. There will never be another stand-up comic quite like Don Rickles, especially in today’s “safe space” world, and it’s a pity, because if we can’t all laugh at ourselves, if we can’t take a joke, then it’s time to pack it in.

Something I didn’t know about Don Rickles is he didn’t start out to be “The Merchant of Venom”. He intended to become a serious actor, studying at the prestigious American Academy of Dramatic Arts in Manhattan. Frustrated with his lack of acting jobs, Don began doing stand-up as a way to gain exposure. When he was heckled by some audience members, he heckled ’em right back…

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Goodbye, Don Rickles, and Thank You For The Laughter


Don Rickles, as drawn by Jack Kirby

Oh man, Don Rickles.

Remember when they used to show old episodes of Saturday Night Live on Comedy Central?  I once watched an episode from 1984.  The host was Don Rickles.  His opening monologue was pure Don Rickles, which is to say that he insulted everyone in the audience.  It didn’t matter who the person was, Rickles was going to insult them.  He insulted John Madden.  He insulted Brandon Tartikoff, the president of the NBC.  He insulted the people who had just come in from off the street.  I don’t remember much about the specific insults.  The main thing that I remember is that the audience absolutely loved it.  Even before Rickles thanked them all for being good sports, the audience was eating out of his hand.

Don Rickles was the King of Insult Comedy.  His nickname was Mr. Warmth.  The nickname was not as ironic as you might think.  Off-stage, Rickles was reportedly a kind and generous man.  And, on-stage, Rickles may have insulted the audience but he did it with a twinkle in his eye and he always thanked him at the end.  His humor may have been built on insults but it was also built on self-depreciation.  The only person he made fun of more than the guy sitting in front row of the audience was himself.  Going to one of his shows might lead to you being called a “hockey puck,” but Rickles’s ultimate message was always that we’re all in this together.

As funny as Rickles was, he was also lucky enough to start his career in the 1950s.  (Reportedly, he got his big break when he saw Frank Sinatra in the audience, said, “Make yourself at home, Frank.  Hit somebody!” and insulted his work in his last movie.  Sinatra loved it.)  If Don Rickles had started his career this century, his politically incorrect humor would have gotten him banned from most clubs and Amy Schumer and Lena Dunham would have led a twitter campaign to have him incarcerated.  Don Rickles was lucky enough to by funny at a time when comedians were actually rewarded for making us laugh.

What was your favorite Don Rickles role?  He always said that his grandkids only liked him because he voiced Mr. Potato Head in the Toy Story films.  Rickles also had a rare dramatic role in Martin Scorsese’s Casino, more than holding his own against heavyweight actors like Robert De Niro and Joe Pesci.

Don Rickles died today at the age of 90.  I would say rest in peace but I don’t think Don Rickles would have appreciated the “in peace” part.  I will just say goodbye, Mr. Rickles and thank you for the laughter.

 

Horror On TV: Tales From the Crypt 2.10 “The Ventriloquist’s Dummy”


For tonight’s excursion into the world of televised horror, we have the 10th episode of the 2nd season of Tales From The Crypt!  This episode, which originally aired on June 5th, 1990, is called The Ventriloquist’s Dummy!

Who doesn’t love a creepy ventriloquist story?  And this is certainly a creepy one, with an ending that you’ll either love or hate.

This episode was directed by Richard Donner and written by future Shawshank Redemption director and Walking Dead showrunner, Frank Darabont!

Enjoy!

Back to the Beach: MUSCLE BEACH PARTY (AIP 1964)


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The “Beach Party ” gang’s back and so’s the familiar formula in MUSCLE BEACH PARTY, second in the American-International series. It’s Easter vacation and Frankie Avalon is still horny, Annette Funicello’s still waiting for marriage, and a beautiful foreign woman is again coming between them. This time it’s Lucianna Paluzzi as Countess Julie, a rich heiress who wants to make Frankie a singing star and her personal property.

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Eric Von Zipper and his Rats aren’t around this time, replaced by a bunch of bodybuilders led by trainer Jack Fanny (the inimitable Don Rickles). Julie first sets her sights on “Mr. Galaxy” Flex Martian, but dumps him when she spies Frankie. This leads to war between the surfers and the musclemen, with the inevitable slapstick melee. Flex is played by Rock Stevens, a real-life bodybuilder who muscled his way through a few Italian peplum films before reverting to his real name of Peter Lupus and…

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