Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Baywatch Nights 1.11 “Takeover”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, an detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997.  The entire show is currently streaming on Youtube!

This week, Baywatch Nights reboots for the first time and gets a brand new opening.

Episodes 1.11 “Takeover”

(Dir by Georg Fenady, originally aired on February 3rd, 1996)

This week’s episode opens with Mitch arriving at Nights early in the morning.  Ryan and Garner are waiting for him and so are all of the club’s waitresses.  Some expositional dialogue establishes that Lou Raymond has sold Nights to “D.M. Marco.”  The waitresses are waiting to see if they still have jobs.  Ryan, Garner, and Mitch are waiting so that they can re-sign a lease for their detective agency….

Eleven episodes into the first season and Baywatch Nights has already rebooted itself!  It’s usually not a good sign when a show drastically changes its format or starts writing out old characters and replacing them with new people.  Usually, when this happens, it’s because the show’s rating have suddenly declined and the producers are desperately trying to inject some new life into things.  It’s never a good sign when something like this happens before the first season is even halfway finished.

As Mitch waits, a blonde wearing a short but not particularly flattering blue dress steps into the club.  Mitch assumes that she’s a waitress and starts hitting on her.  Ha ha!  Joke’s on you, Mitch!  She’s Donna Marco (Donna D’Errico) and she’s your new landlord and a new regular on the show!  Mitch is stunned to discover that women can be successful in business.  This kind of goes against everything that the viewer has previously learned about Mitch but whatever.  It’s a reboot!  It’s a new world!  And now Mitch is apparently one of those guys who is left with his mouth agape over the idea of a woman being the boss.

As for this week’s case, it’s also about business.  Someone is targeting the executives of a company called Rancor.  Two of those executives went to high school with Mitch so he’s not going to let anyone kill them.  That said, a lot of executives who don’t have a previous Mitch connection do end up dying.  In fact, this episode has the highest body count of Baywatch Nights so far.  At first, Mitch assumes that the murders are being orchestrated by a corporate raider who wants to take over the business and who has apparently never learned how to buy stock.  But instead, the murderer turns out to be a blonde executive named Nicki (Sandra Hess), who blames the company for death of her father.  Despite her murderous ways, there are some sparks of romance between Nicki and Mitch but that comes to an end when Nicki blows herself up while trying to take out the final Rancor executive.

This was a weird episode, as the pacing felt off and the story was far more violent than any of the ones that came before it.  At one point, Mitch gets a favor from an IRS agent by promising him a date with Donna and that just felt really icky.  There’s another extended scene where both a businessman and the show’s cameraman spends several minutes leering at Ryan’s legs and again, it just felt off.  Previously, the show had never been shy about showing off Angie Harmon’s legs and, speaking as someone who enjoys showing off her own legs, there’s nothing wrong with that but, in this particular episode, it crosses the line from being appreciative to being tacky.  One could tell that the show’s producers brainstormed and couldn’t come up with anything better than, “Let’s make Baywatch Nights more like Baywatch!”

What’s sad is that Baywatch Nights really didn’t need a reboot.  The first ten episodes were, for the most part, fun and entertaining in their vapid way.  This episode, though, feels like it’s begging for attention and that’s never a good look.  Don’t worry, though.  Not all reboots are bad, as we’ll see in another 11 episodes.  That is when we will reach season 2 of Baywatch Nights.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Baywatch Nights 1.10 “Kind of a Drag”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, an detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997.  The entire show is currently streaming on Youtube!

Episode 1.10 “Kind of a Drag”

(Dir by Bernard L. Kowalski, originally aired on December 2nd, 1995)

Someone is putting on a dress and a rubber Richard Nixon mask and attacking drag performers!  After one performer is pulled out of the ocean (“It’s a wig!” a lifeguard shouts after pulling off the performer’s blonde hair), Mitch, Garner, and Ryan are hired to discover what’s going on.

They suspect that the attacker could be Duncan Valentine (Stuart Fratkin), the son of a former sitcom star who is trying to put together a movie about her life.  (His mother’s catchphrase was, “Wait until your father comes home!”)  Needless to say, someone is going to have to go undercover as a drag performer to catch the killer.  Which means that it’s time for Ryan to give Mitch a makeover!

Garner also goes undercover as Whoopi Goldberg but we don’t really get to see much of him in his red dress and wig.

While Mitch is performing a song, the assailant in the Richard Nixon mask shoots him!  No worries.  Mitch is wearing a bullet-proof vest.  What does worry me is that the assailant then heads to the dressing room but no one bothers to call the police or follow him down there.  Are they trying to catch this guy or not?  Instead, everyone gathers around Mitch to make sure that he’s okay.  Eventually, Ryan does say, “Call 911,” but I’m not sure why you would wait so long to do that when there’s a gun-toting maniac in the same building as you.

Anyway, it turns out that Duncan is innocent.  Instead, the assailant is revealed to be a drag performer who is upset that he wasn’t cast as Duncan’s mother in the biopic.

This episode was …. actually, considering that it’s from the 90s, it could have been worse.  Yes, a good deal of the show is taken up with scenes of David Hasselhoff struggling to walk in heels and revealing that no one has ever taught him the right way to sit down while wearing a short skirt.  (Ryan really should have given him some advice as far as that’s concerned.)  And yes, Mitch’s girlfriend did happen walk in on Mitch while he was wearing a dress.  (Fortunately, she’s thrilled to discover that Mitch is getting in touch with his feminine side.)  And yes, the villain did turn out to be a deranged drag performer who apparently believed that he actually was Duncan Valentine’s mother.  However, for the most part, the show did treat the other drag performers with respect and it didn’t attempt to play the attacks on them for laughs.  Mitch, Garner, and Ryan treat them like they would any other clients.  In 1995, that was probably the best anyone could expect.

Next week, the show undergoes the first of many format changes!

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Baywatch Nights 1.9 “Blues Boys”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, an detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997.  The entire show is currently streaming on Youtube!

This week, Mitch considers the blues!

Episode 1.9 “Blues Boy”

(Dir by Reza Badiyi, originally aired on November 25th, 1995)

Lyle Logan (Michael Preston) is a 13 year-old musical prodigy who plays a guitar on the Malibu Pier with his guardian, Ned Simon (Greg Wrangler).  Seven years earlier, Lyle witnessed the murder of his father by his Uncle Willie (Nathan Cavaleri).  Now, Uncle Willie has just been released from prison and he’s searching for Lyle because he believes that Lyle knows where his father stashed the money from a robbery.

Uncle Willie has his men abduct Ned, planning on using him for leverage to get to his nephew.  Lyle approaches Mitch and hires the detective agency to track Ned down.  However, Mitch, Ryan and Garner are more interested in learning the truth about Lyle’s background.  Though Lyle at first refuses to open up and even tries to run away when Mitch asks him about his background, Lyle eventually comes to trust the group.  Together, they save Lyle from Uncle Willie.  As for the stash of money, it’s in a first aid kit that breaks apart when it’s tossed into the ocean.  The money watches up on the beach, where everyone goes crazy trying to grab some for themselves.

This was a pretty simple episode.  In fact, it was a struggle to come up with 200 words to say about the plot.  There’s not a lot going on, beyond Lyle running up and down the pier and Uncle Willie-looking evil.  The only thing that kept this from being an episode of Baywatch was the presence of Angie Harmon and the lack of red bathing suits.  In many ways, this episode highlights one of the biggest problems for Baywatch Nights.  Far too often, the show just feels like a detective-themed episode of Baywatch (a show that actually did feature several detective-themed episodes both before and after the Baywatch Nights experiment).  This episode, for instance, barely features any scenes that take place at night.  Mitch does most of his investigating during the day, which is when he really should be working as a lifeguard.

The episode’s inability to escape the shadow of its parent show is exemplified by a scene that occurs about halfway through the episode.  We get an extended sequence in which Ryan, Garner, and Mitch listen to Lyle play his guitar and they all have flashbacks to their past.  Ryan’s memories deal with being the daughter of a navy officer.  Garner remembers tossing a football back and forth with his father.  And Mitch …. well, Mitch just has Baywatch flashbacks.  It’s one of those silly, overly earnest scenes that one expects to find any production starring David Hasselhoff.  (And the montage is, of course, scored by the Hoff singing a song.)  Still, it’s hard not to notice that, while Ryan and Garner both have a past, Mitch just has another television show.

The episode ends with Lyle meeting and playing with B.B. King.  Hopefully, B.B. adopted the kid.  Seriously, he had been through a lot.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Baywatch Nights 1.8 “Balancing Act”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, an detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997.  The entire show is currently streaming on Youtube!

This week, we discover how it all began!

Episode 1.8 “Balancing Act”

(Dir by Gus Trikonis, originally aired on November 18th, 1995)

The eighth episode of Baywatch Nights opens with Ryan and Garner on a stakeout.  It’s the middle of the day and they’re waiting for someone carrying an envelope full of evidence.  Mitch is nowhere to be seen, which actually makes sense.  I mean, Mitch is still working as a lifeguard.  Over the past seven episodes, I’ve often wondered how Mitch can work full-time as both a detective and a lifeguard captain.  This episode finally acknowledges that Mitch actually does have another job.

Garner and Ryan start talking about the first that they met and how they came to be partners in a detective firm.  It’s flashback time!  The flashbacks are to the show’s previously unaired pilot.  What’s funny is that, even though Garner is the one who is telling the story, the flashbacks are all narrated by Mitch.  I know that Garner and Mitch were extremely close friends during the early seasons of Baywatch but I didn’t realize they could actually hear each other’s thoughts.

Flashback Mitch explains that both he and Garner were wondering if there was anything more to life than their jobs.  Garner wanted to be more than just a beach cop.  Mitch was wondering if maybe there was something more out there than just being a lifeguard.  One day, when Mitch on vacation from his lifeguarding job, Mitch decided to accompany Garner to investigate a mysterious boat that had been showing up around the marina.  It was during the investigation that Mitch and Garner first met Ryan.  Ryan had paid $25,000 for a private detective agency in California, just to discover that the agency was not the high class operation that the previous owner, Nicky Pine (Philip Bruns), claimed it was.  However, before Ryan could confront him, Nicky was apparently killed by a group of criminals who wanted a valuable bracelet that Nicky owned.  Except the bracelet, which he gave to Ryan, was actually a fake and Nicky wasn’t actually dead and….

Ugh, this is complicated.  Seriously. I hate to admit that I couldn’t follow the plot of an episode of Baywatch Nights but this plot had so many nonsensical twists and turns that I pretty much gave up on trying to make sense of it all.  The important thing is that Garner got fed up with the police and quit, Mitch realized that he wanted to be a private eye, and Ryan got to be totally awesome as usual.  At one point, Ryan explained to Mitch that she was tough because she was from Dallas.  Woo hoo!  You tell him, Ryan!

Because this was a pilot, there were a few examples of early installment weirdness.  Troy Evans showed up as a police detective and one got the feeling that he was originally envisioned as being a recurring character.  Lisa Stahl’s Destiny was nowhere to be seen but there was a character named Andy (Linda Hoffman) was acted quite similarly to Destiny.  Even Nicky and his girlfriend, Rose (Jeanette O’Connor), seemed to be set up to become semi-regular characters.  Obviously, there was some retooling done after this pilot was produced.

Anyway, this episode’s plot is impossible to follow but the California scenery is lovely, which I think is the most that anyone could realistically demand from any show from the Baywatch universe.  Having now watched the pilot, I’m glad that the show went forward with just Mitch, Garner, and Ryan as regulars.  They’re a good team.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Baywatch Nights 1.7 “Pressure Cooker”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, an detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997.  The entire show is currently streaming on Youtube!

This week, Mitch, Ryan, and Lou are held hostage!

Episode 1.7 “Pressure Cooker”

(Dir by Gus Trikonis, originally aired on November 11, 1995)

Episode seven of Baywatch Nights opens with Mitch and Garner, once again, whining about their job.  They have been hired to work undercover in a fried chicken restaurant that has been robbed five times.  Garner wears a chicken costume and greets the customers.  Mitch works in the kitchen.  This is not the type of work that Mitch and Garner had in mind when they decided to become part-time private investigators.

In his opening voice over, Mitch says that sometimes, you have to do what you have to do to pay your bills.  Here’s the thing, though.  Mitch is a lifeguard.  He’s not just a lifeguard but he’s one of the top lifeguards in California.  So, no, he doesn’t need to work as a private eye to pay his bills.  I don’t care how much Mitch complains about the job.  I think he just secretly enjoys working as a cook in a fast food restaurant.  And good for him, if that’s the case!  Myself, I like fried chicken and I respect anyone who cooks it for a living.

Eventually, the scummy Sosa brothers show up at the restaurant and try to rob the place.  Garner and Mitch are able to stop the robbery but they only manage to capture one brother, Manny Sosa (Cliff Dorfman).  Duke (Joseph Spencer) and Nick Sosa (Rich Werner) escape.

Later, Duke and Nick show up at Nights, which is the nightclub that doubles as the office of the detective agency.  Because it’s the afternoon, Nights is not open to general public but that doesn’t stop Duke and Nick from taking Mitch, Ryan, and Lou Raymond (Lou Rawls) hostage.  (Lou is the owner of Nights.  Despite the fact that Lou Rawls was prominently featured in the opening credits of each episode, this is only his second appearance on the show.)  Duke demands that Manny be released from prison or he’s going to start shooting hostages!

While they wait out the situation, Lou plays the piano and sings a song while Duke dances with Ryan.  Meanwhile, Garner waits outside the club with the police and the press.  Eventually, reporter Stormy Walters (Sandra Dee Robinson) is invited to enter the club with her crew so that she can interview Duke and get some footage of him dancing with Ryan.  Garner puts on a fake beard and pretends to be Stormy’s sound guy.

As soon as Mitch sees Garner, he nudges Ryan and says, “It’s Garner!”  Even though Mitch whispers, it still seems like a reckless thing to point out when there’s two gun-toting maniacs in the club.  Fortunately, the Sosa brothers are pretty stupid so Mitch, Garner, and Ryan are able to give them a beat down.  Unfortunately, before the situation is resolved, both Lou and Garner are shot but, apparently, not seriously.

This episode …. eh.  As I’ve said elsewhere on this site, I am just not a fan of shows about hostage situations.  As soon as the Sosa brothers show up at the club, the narrative momentum comes to a grinding halt and all that’s left is 30 minutes of sweaty losers pointing guns at people and shouting.  It gets a little boring.  As well, the Sosas were so stupid that, even when they were shooting people, it was difficult to take them seriously as dangerous criminals.  They were just idiots.

Next week, we get the origin story as we learn how Mitch and Garner came to work with Ryan in the first place!

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Baywatch Nights 1.6 “976 Ways To Say I Love You”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, an detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997.  The entire show is currently streaming on Youtube!

This week, Ryan goes undercover!

Episode 1.6 “976 Ways To Say I Love You”

(Dir by Charles Bail, originally aired on November 4th, 1995)

The sixth episode of Baywatch Nights opens with Mitch and Garner doing a surveillance job on someone.  They are sitting out in their car and watching their target and talking about how much they hate having to work surveillance.

One thing that I’ve noticed about the first few episodes of Baywatch Nights is that Mitch and Garner both seem to spend a lot of time complaining about their job.  It’s a bit odd because it’s not like there’s any reason why they have to work as private detectives.  Garner could rejoin the police department if he wanted to.  Mitch actually has another full-time job as one of the top lifeguards in California.  There’s nothing that says they have to spend their nights doing surveillance.  (In fact, I’m not even sure how Mitch is balancing being a lifeguard with being a private eye.)  I mean, if it’s such a bother being a private eye, just don’t do it anymore!

The surveillance subplot doesn’t really have anything to do with the rest of the episode.  (It’s mostly just there so the episode can feature a joke about Garner and Mitch getting dusted by a crop duster that happens to fly over their convertible.)  Instead, the majority of this episode deals with Mitch, Garner, and Ryan helping Addy (Heather Campbell), a former phone sex operator who was scammed by her boss and who is now apparently being stalked by someone who is trying to murder everyone who was involved with Addy’s former career.  This is one of those cases that doesn’t really add up to much but it does provide Garner with a chance to do some real detective work and abandon his idea to abandon crime fighting and open a chicken franchise.

(Seriously, that’s what Garner was planning on doing.)

The investigation also leads to Ryan putting on a blonde wig and going undercover as a phone sex operator.  Watching this episode, I got the feeling that the entire pitch was, “Angie Harmon says sexy things on the phone,” and the plot was basically developed around that one idea.  It should be said that Angie Harmon actually does a pretty good job playing up Ryan’s irritation with having to go undercover.  The way she rolled her eyes whenever some mouth-breather started to talk to her told us everything we needed to know about the experience.  Unlike her whiny partner, Ryan did what she had to do to solve the case and good for her!  Really, this entire series should have just been Ryan kicking ass and solving crimes.  Garner and Mitch are just taking up space.

Along with Angie Harmon’s work as Ryan, this episode was also distinguished by the performance of Robert Ginty as the owner of the phone sex company.  Ginty was wonderfully sleazy as a businessman who made no apologies for how he made his money.  As well, Police Academy fans will probably be happy to see Michael Winslow, as a surveillance technician who imitates static.

The episode was not bad, even if it wasn’t particularly memorable.  Ryan did a good job and again proved herself to be the best private eye in California.  Seriously, though, Mitch and Garner need to stop crying so much.  If you don’t want to do detective stuff, don’t become a detective!

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Baywatch Nights 1.5 “Just A Gigolo”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, an detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997.  The entire show is currently streaming on Youtube!

This week, Mitch and Ryan go undercover!

Episode 1.5 “Just A Gigolo”

(Dir by Martin Pasetta, originally aired on October 28th, 1995)

David Hasselhoff is a gigolo!

No, not really.  Mitch may be wearing sunglasses and speaking broken French but that’s just because he has gone undercover as a con artist.  He’s trying to expose the actual gigolo, a younger man named Grant Styles (Joel Beeson).  Grant swindled a good deal of money from Mitch’s friend, Julie (Candy Clark), but, because Julie voluntarily handed over the money and told Grant that he didn’t have to pay her back, no crime was committed.

“To catch a gigolo,” Mitch tells us, “I decided to become a gigolo.”  This is followed by a lengthy exercise montage.  Finally, after a week of lifting weights and jogging on the beach, Mitch is ready to make his debut at the local country club.  Accompanying him is Ryan (Angie Harmon), who is pretending to be a wealthy divorcee.  (Mitch’s aunt agrees to allow Ryan to use her mansion.)  Grant immediately starts hitting on Ryan and Mitch can only watch as Ryan flirts back.  Mitch actually starts to feel jealous and Ryan, for her part, starts to feel jealous whenever she sees Mitch flirting with the older women at the club.  Could Mitch and Ryan be falling in love?

Actually, Mitch and Ryan do kind of make a cute couple.  I mean, seriously, they just look like they belong together.  From the first episode of this series, David Hasselhoff and Angie Harmon have had a playful chemistry and their personalities definitely compliment each other.  These two definitely need to get together.

For now, though, the important thing is exposing Grant and his “manager,” Margo Curtis (future reality star Lisa Vanderpump).  Though Mitch can’t stand the idea of Grant spending time with Ryan, he still has to do things like stand perfectly still while Grant beats him up because fighting back would apparently blow his cover.  (To be honest, I think the only reason the fight scene was included was so Hasselhoff could look directly at the camera and do a “Why me?” shrug.)  After Grant beats up Julie, Mitch and Ryan realize that Grant is far more dangerous than the average gigolo.  After Grant, while flying a paraglider, tries to shoot Mitch on the beach, Mitch and Ryan trick him into breaking into Ryan’s mansion so that he can be captured and sent away.

While all of this is going on, Garner (Gregory Alan Williams) and Destiny (Lisa Stahl) worked together to  catch a notorious bail jumped named Bobby Bahama (Jeff Dashnaw).  Most bail jumpers would probably try to leave the state but Bobby jumps bail and then decides to just keep hanging out at the beach and his favorite club.  Destiny meets Bobby at the club, invites him to her hotel room, and then handcuffs him to the bed.

“Kinky,” Bobby says.

No, Bobby, the term is “captured.”

I enjoyed this episode, not so much for the basic plot but for the chemistry between Angie Harmon and David Hasselhoff.  Like I said earlier, they’re an appealing couple and they have a fun chemistry whenever they’re acting opposite each other.  Any show that features David Hasselhoff pretending to be a gigolo is going to have a bizarre appeal to it but Mitch’s relationship with Ryan was strong enough that not even a rather silly storyline could sabotage it.

Last Night Retro Television Reviews: Baywatch Nights 1.4 “Deadly Vision”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, an detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997.  The entire show is currently streaming on Youtube!

Tonight, Mitch reveals a new talent!

Episode 1.4 “Deadly Vision”

(Dir by Paul Lynch, originally aired on October 21st, 1995)

The highlight of this week’s episode is an extended sequence in which Mitch (David Hasselhoff) goes undercover.  He’s trying to protect his friend Destiny (Lisa Stahl) from a serial killer.  Because Destiny spends her days doing Tarot card readings in Malibu, Mitch decides that the best way to keep an eye on her is to dress up like a mime and perform for the crowds.

The crowds love Mitch, which leads me to wonder if maybe Mitch has some sort of previous mime experience.  I mean, either Mitch has had some professional training or pretending to be in a box is the easiest thing in the world to master because Mitch pulls it off like a pro.

At one point, Mitch poses with a cardboard cut-out of Bill Clinton.

Mitch does quite a bit as a mime.  He gets locked in an invisible box.  He juggles invisible balls.  He sings a silent song.  He even chases down and catches a thief.  What Mitch does not do is catch the serial killer.  The serial killer, who is probably not a fan of mimes, does not show up.  In fact, one could argue that Mitch doesn’t really accomplish any thing of particular importance while pretending to be a mime but the whole sequence pretty much epitomizes everything that makes Baywatch Nights so much fun.  David Hasselhoff as a mime?  It makes no sense but it’s fun!  A random cardboard cut-out of Bill Clinton?  It makes no sense but it’s fun!  Baywatch Nights is a fun show, precisely because it is so shamelessly silly.

Of course, Destiny is not having as much fun as Mitch is.  Destiny is continually having vision of people with whom she is casually acquainted being murdered.  Mitch and Garner (Gregory Alan Williams) have no problem believing that Destiny is having visions of the killer attacking people.  Ryan (Angie Harmon) is a bit more skeptical and I was happy about that, just because I’m also pretty skeptical about people who say that they can see the future.  It’s nice to have a character to whom I can relate on this show.  Mitch, Ryan and Garner think that the killer might be a con artist and a gigolo who they’re already investigating.  However, the show reveals early on that Destiny is being stalked by a crazed painter named Burt (Carl Weintraub).  Burt is obsessed with Destiny and he doesn’t like it when Destiny talks to other people, whether she’s telling their fortune or helping them investigate a crime.

In the end, the killer is thwarted and Destiny’s life is saved.  Hopefully, Mitch will continue to pursue his career as a mime because he’s got the talent!  I mean, you can’t lifeguard forever, right?

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Baywatch Nights 1.3 “Silent Witness”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, an detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997.  The entire show is currently streaming on Youtube!

This week, Mitch proves that he still has much to learn about being a private investigator.

Episode 1.3 “Silent Witness”

(Dir by Richard Friedman, originally aired on October 14th, 1995)

Have you ever wondered why Mitch’s career as a private investigator didn’t last longer than just two years?

The simple answer, of course, is that Baywatch Nights did not exactly get the best ratings and the show was canceled after two seasons.  Despite the fact that Baywatch Nights is an undeniably fun show, it was undoubtedly harmed by the fact that it didn’t feature lifeguards running in slow motion.  It was a Baywatch spin-off that had little of what attracted viewers to the original show.  Personally, I would think that the presence of David Hasselhoff would be enough but apparently, audiences in the 90s disagreed.

However, in-universe, I think Mitch’s failure to stick with the detective thing is that it doesn’t appear that he was very good at it.

Consider this episode.  Hayley Cartwright (Paige Moss) is a teenage runaway who, while walking along the beach, spots a man in the ocean being pulled under the water and drowned by someone wearing a diving outfit.  The murderer emerges from the ocean and tries to grab Haley.  Haley gets away but not before the killer shouts at her to keep quiet or she’ll be next.

Mitch, who is jogging across the beach, spots a stunned and bruised Haley collapsing on the beach.  Mitch checks out her injuries and assures her that she’s okay but Haley, who is understandably scared of everyone, runs away from him.

Later, Mitch is approached by a woman (Debby Boone) who says that her name is Lorraine and that she is Haley’s daughter.  Lorraine says that she just wants her daughter to come home and she asks Mitch to help find her.  Mitch agrees and sets out to find Haley while giving Lorraine regular updates.

Here’s what Mitch does not do.  He doesn’t bother to ask for any identification from Lorraine.  He doesn’t check out Lorraine’s story before agreeing to help her.  He doesn’t stop to consider that Haley might have a reason for acting like she’s scared for her life.  And really, it would have been good if Mitch had considered all of that because guess what?  LORRAINE IS NOT HALEY’S MOTHER!  Instead, she’s working with the killers!

Fortunately, Haley’s real mother (Janet Eilber) shows up and tells Ryan and Garner that she’s looking for her daughter.  Ryan and Garner actually ask the woman for identification and the woman reveals that she not only has her driver’s license but she also brought Haley’s birth certificate!  It’s a good thing that Haley’s real mom showed up because Mitch has found Haley hiding on a fishing boat and now, he’s having to defend her from the killers!  Now, fortunately, Mitch may not be a good detective but he’s still David Hasselhoff so he is able to beat up the killers and save Haley’s life.

It’s a fairly standard episode, in that it’s not particularly memorable but the California scenery is nice to look at and it’s a show you can relax with.  That said, the episode does have a brilliant opening, in which Mitch and Garner save Destiny from some bank robbers that are menacing her in an amusement park.  This leads to a fight on a Ferris wheel and a miracle-go-round.  Destiny is nearly run over by a miniature train!  It’s a fun and over-the-top sequence, one that has next to nothing to do with the rest of the episode but it does indicate that the people involved in the show knew better than to take any of this too seriously.

Finally, Ryan gets a minor plot, in which she buys a home in Malibu, just to discover that she’s basically purchased land in a trailer park.  It was silly but it showed off Angie Harmon and David Hasselhoff’s likable and playful chemistry.  Watching the two of them together, it’s hard not to regret that Mitch wasn’t a better detective.