Prince of Bel-Air (1986, directed by Charles Braverman)

Posted on August 26, 2025 by Jedadiah Leland

Robin Prince (Mark Harmon) is a laid-back former volleyball player who, at the age of 32, makes his living as a pool guy. It’s an easy life and he enjoys it. He sleeps with the wife (Deborah Harmon) of one of his clients and he hangs out with his richer friends. Robin enjoys being a bachelor but that all changes when he agrees to give a job to Justin (Patrick Labyorteaux), the son of Stanley Auerbach (Robert Vaughn) and meets Justin’s cousin, an artist named Jamie Harrison (Kirstie Alley). Justin goes from being bitter about having to work to idolizing Robin and his lifestyle. Robin, meanwhile, falls for Jamie.

This film came out before Summer School, another movie that featured Mark Harmon as a laid-back guy who falls for Kirstie Alley, but it has a similar vibe. Again, Mark Harmon is playing a likable guy who has never grown up and again, Kirstie Alley is playing a sophisticated woman who, at first, seems like she’s too serious for Harmon’s character. Robin’s mentorship of Justin feels a lot like Hamon’s mentorship of his Summer School students. (Dean Cameron even plays a supporting role in both Prince of Bel-Air and Summer School, though he’s far more memorable in Summer School.) Prince of Bel-Air is more dramatic than Summer School. In Prince of Bel-Air, Mark Harmon plays a character who secretly understands that there’s not much of a future in his lifestyle, even if he’s not initially willing to admit it.

Prince of Bel-Air is a likable movie. Mark Harmon gives an amiable and relatable performance as someone who is finally trying to grow up and, as always, Robert Vaughn is a perfectly smug villain. Kirstie Alley’s sultry performance is the highlight of the film. In the 1980s, Alley has a smoky-eyed beauty that, when combined with her ribald sense of humor, made her irresistible. It only takes a few minutes to understand why Robin would be willing to give up his previous life to be with her. There’s nothing particularly deep about Prince of Bel-Air but it’s still an entertaining 100 minutes.

The Godson (1998, directed by Bob Hoge)

Posted on February 3, 2025 by Jedadiah Leland

After the violent death of his son Sonny Calzone, the Oddfather (Dom DeLuise) announces that his other son, Guppy Calzone (Kevin McDonald, of the Kids In The Hall), will be taking over the family business. Guppy is sent to Mafia University, where he learns how to garrote a traitor and dismember a body. Guppy falls in love with Don Na (Fabiana Udenio), the daughter of the Rodfather (Rodney Dangerfield), the leader of a rival family.

The Godson tries to do to gangster movies what Airplane! did to disaster movies. Dom DeLuise does a good Brando impersonation and there’s a funny moment where Guppy stops the action and tries to convince people in the audience to buy a Guppy action figure. Otherwise, this is a poorly-done parody film. Good comedy is all about timing and The Godson flunks that test. Jokes are either too long or too short but hardly any of them stick. The idea of Mafia University is funnier than the, if you’ll excuse the phrase, execution. Even worse, the movie doesn’t make much use of Rodney Dangerfield. When one of the funniest men who ever lived appears in your movie, it’s cinematic malpractice not to give him a chance to shine.

If the film has a highlight, it’s Lou Ferrigno as a member of the Oddfather’s crew. Otherwise, this is a missed opportunity.

Quick Review: The Last Stop at Yuma County (dir. by Francis Galluppi)

Posted on June 2, 2024 by Leonard Wilson

This review might be a bit biased, as I’m a fan of actor Jim Cummings’ work. I loved The Wolf of Snow Hollow and his brief cameo in Halloween Kills. The moment Francis Galluppi’s Last Stop at Yuma County was released on Apple Films, I bought it. Not even a rental. At 90 minutes, it’s a short crime thriller that fits in well with those late night gems you may come across.

On his way home to celebrate his daughter’s birthday, a Knife Salesman (Cummings) arrives at a gas station in Yuma County, Arizona, only to find that the station’s gas truck is a bit delayed. He decides to wait for the truck in the the gas station’s diner. Additionally, the news on the radio is going around about a recent heist of a nearby bank. Similar to movies such as Legion or Tales From the Crypt Presents : Demon Knight, the Diner makes a great setting for a standoff when the two robbers make an appearance – played by Richard Brake (Barbarian) and Nicolas Logan (I Care a Lot). Can the Knife Salesman and the local waitress, Charlotte (Jocelin Donahue, The House of the Devil) make it through the day and save themselves?

For his first production, Galluppi handled things well, I felt. The shots are evenly paced, well lit and framed in such a way where it doesn’t feel like the camera lingers too much or is too shaky. The strongest part of The Last Stop in Yuma County are the characters. Cummings, Brake, and Logan are the stand outs, but everyone contributes to the story in their way. The film dances between drama and comedy pretty quick, which had me chucking in moments before getting jolted back to reality with the ever changing situation.

If the movie has any kind of drawback, it’s that some of the story’s elements aren’t fully closed up by the time the film ends. It’s not a terrible thing, considering where the focus of the story moves, but a little more closure would have been nice. Outside of that, The Last Stop at Yuma County is worth the watch.

Poison (2001, directed by Jim Wynorksi)

Posted on July 13, 2022 by Jedadiah Leland

After her husband commits suicide, Ann Stewart (Kari Wuhrer) seeks revenge on the CEO who fired him and Nicole Garrett (Barbara Crampton), the woman who get the promotion that he was counting on. Ann has good reason for being upset, seeing as how she slept with the CEO specifically so he wouldn’t fire her husband. When she finds out that the her husband was never even being seriously considered for the promotion and all of that extramarital sex was for nothing, Ann snaps. Somehow, Ann not only knows how to blow up the CEO and his family but also how to get away with. However, her plot against Nicole is more complicated. After murdering Nicole’s housekeeper, Ann takes her place. Soon, Ann is trying to seduce both Nicole’s husband (Jeff Trachta) and her son (Seth Jones) while encouraging Nicole’s teenage daughter (Melissa Stone) to be even more slutty than before. Ann discovers that Nicole can be a demanding boss and that she and her husband are on the verge of splitting up. Ann also learns that Nicole is diabetic and has to be careful what she eats. That’s good information to have, now that Ann is the one preparing all of her meals! Ann sets her plan in motion. To quote the song of old, that girl is poison.

Poison is typical of the films that used to show up on Cinemax late at night. It’s also a Jim Wynorski film and you always know what you’re getting into with Wynorski. Poison has all of the gratuitous shower scenes and naked midnight swims that you would expect from a film like this. It also has the same basic plot as Scorned, with Kari Wuhrer taking on the Shannon Tweed role of the vengeance-obsessed widow. It’s hard to say who did the role better. Tweed was more calculated in the way she destroyed the family while Wuhrer is more obviously unhinged and impulsive in her actions. Perhaps because Jim Wynorski directed Poison while Andrew Stevens was responsible for Scorned, Poison is a little more self-aware that Scorned and has more of a sense of humor about itself than Scorned did. Ann is eventually as angry about Nicole being a demanding employer as she was about her husband committing suicide. Fans of these movies will want to see Poison for the chance to watch Barbara Crampton and Kari Wuhrer face off against each other. Both of them bring their best.

It’s Wynorski. You know what you’re getting.

The TSL’s Horror Grindhouse: Chopping Mall (dir by Jim Wynorski)

Posted on October 29, 2020 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This 1986 film tells the story of what happens when one local mall decides that it’s had enough of thievery and vandalism.

First off, automatic locks and shutters are installed. What that means is that, at a certain hour, anyone who is inside the mall is going to be trapped there until the morning. Secondly, three robots are used as a security force. They’re called Protectors and they roll around, looking for thieves and keeping people safe. Don’t worry about getting mistaken for a thief, of course. As long as you’ve got a badge, the protector will just say, “Thank you and have a good day.”

It all seems perfect but …. what if the robots malfunction? What if they ignore the badges and just start killing anyone unlucky enough to be trapped in the mall for the night? Surely, that could never happen, right?

Of course, it does happen. Thanks to a freak electrical storm, the Protectors come to life and set out to keep the mall safe from intruders. First, they kill the technicians that are supposed to keeping a watch over them. Then, they kill a janitor named Walter Paisley (played, of course, by Dick Miller). Then, they set off after the six attractive people who were having a sleep-over in one of the stores.

So, what did I learn from Chopping Mall?

Well, I was tempted to say that I learned not to shoplift but actually, no one in the movie gets in trouble for shoplifting. I guess the main thing I learned is not to walk around the mall in my underwear because that definitely seems to be something that will cause the Protectors to blow up your head.

I also learned that, if you’re tapped in the mall with a bunch of killer robots, the best place to go is the sporting goods store because that store not only has a lot of automatic rifles but also an unlimited supply of ammunition. Of course, I already learned that from Dawn of the Dead but it’s always good to be reminded….

Anyway, Chopping Mall is a lot of fun. It’s undeniably dated. Just the fact that everyone’s life revolves around a mall tells you just how dated it is. I guess if they made the film now, it would have to take place at an Ikea store or maybe an Amazon warehouse. But the fact that the film is dated is a part of what makes it so much fun to watch. Seriously, it’s amazing all of the stuff that apparently used to go on at the local mall in the 80s.

Despite the fact that they have a bad habit of killing people, the Protectors are actually kind of cute. If nothing else, they’re unfailingly polite. You have to love the fact that they’ll wish you a nice day even after they’ve killed you. Surprisingly enough, the humans are just as likable as the Protectors. For a film about killer robots, Chopping Mall is surprisingly well-acted by a likable cast. Russell Todd, who was the best-looking man to ever be killed by Jason Voorhees, is in this film and he’s as broodingly handsome here as he was in Friday the 13th Part II.

Chopping Mall is a good mix of humor and thrills and robots and exploding heads and Dick Miller. This is 80s mall horror at its best!

The TSL’s Horror Grindhouse: Dead Night (dir by Brad Baruh)

Posted on October 30, 2019 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Hey, I’ve got an idea! It’s Spring Break so why don’t we spend it in a cabin in the middle of a snow storm!?

Great idea!

Let’s go!

Oh, look — we’re at the cabin now and there’s some strange woman passed out front. What should we do!?

Hey, let’s bring her inside!

Good idea!

Uh-oh, the woman’s inside and she’s alive but she’s acting kind of weird!

Hey, let’s eat dinner!

Now, in all fairness to the characters in 2018’s Dead Night, things are a bit more complex than that. It’s not just that they decided to go up to a snowy cabin for Spring Break. The cabin is actually supposed to be a therapeutic location. James Pollack (AJ Bowen) is dying of cancer and it’s felt that the cabin will not only ease his pain but perhaps increase his life. If nothing else, the wilderness will bring some sort of inner peace. Accompanying James are his wife, Casey (Brea Grant) and their two teenage children, Jessica (Sophie Dalah) and Jason (Joshua Hoffman), and Jessica’s best friend, Becky (Elsie Luthman).

As for the mysterious woman who shows up out front of the cabin, they’re just trying to be nice when they invite Leslie Bison (Barbara Crampton) to stay in the cabin with them. Even though Leslie can’t tell them how she ended up at their cabin, the Pollacks are not the type to just allow someone to die in the snow. Really, we should all be more like the Pollacks, I guess.

Still, Leslie does turn out to be really obnoxious. She makes inappropriate jokes. She rudely asks which member of the family is dying. She blows kisses at Jason and smirks when Jessica announces that they can’t eat until they’ve said grace. In fact, the family is on the verge of kicking Leslie out when …. well, things happen.

What things? We get some hints from a terrifically over the top true crime show, segments of which appear throughout the movie. Hosted by Jack Sterling (Daniel Roebuck), the show deals with the question of how a perfect wife and mother like Casey Pollack could eventually go insane and chop up her family and friends with an ax. Sterling tells us that, even though Casey called several people and told them that she had found a strange woman outside the cabin, the police were convinced that this was all just a part of an elaborate lie.

Hmmm….so, I guess we know what’s going to happen, right?

Well, no, Not quite. It turns out that the true story is a little bit different from what we might have seen on television. For instance, Jack Steling’s show says nothing about the weird incident that happened in the early 60s, when a young woman got lost in the wood and was apparently impregnated with a piece of a tree….

If you go over to this movie’s imdb page, you’ll find a lot of angry reviews from people who felt that this movie didn’t have a real plot and that it was too gory but I don’t know. I kind of liked it. I mean, it’s a horror movie about people stuck in the middle of the woods. What exactly are you expecting to get other than some nonsensical ax murders? I mean, yes, the film doesn’t make complete sense but the cabin and the woods are both wonderfully creepy locations and the film also featured the great Barbara Crampton playing a …. well, I won’t spoil it. Plus, I watch a lot of true crime television and I can tell you that this film’s satire of the particular genre is spot-on!

So, what can I say? Suck it, imdb. I kinda liked Dead Night.

The TSL’s Horror Grindhouse: Puppet Master (dir by David Schmoeller)

Posted on October 26, 2019 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Since there’s been like 200 Puppet Master films made over the past 30 years — goddamn, 30 years of killer puppets! — I figured that maybe I should finally sit down and actually watch one of them. I decided to go with the original film that started the entire franchise, 1989’s Puppet Master!

So, basically, this is a movie about little puppets that kill full-sized people. Obviously, there’s a bit more to the plot but let’s be honest. No one who watches this movie is going to be watching it for the specifics of the plot. They’re going to be watching it because they want to see tiny puppets go on a rampage. I have to say that the puppets themselves are pretty cute. I mean, they’re murderous and a little bit pervy but they’re still really cute. I understand that all of the puppets have their own specific names but, while watching the film, I just made up names of my own.

For instance, there’s Hooky, who has a hook for one hand and a knife for the other and looks like he should be the lead singer of an aging Prog Rock band. And then there’s Drilly, who has a drill on his head. He can be really dangerous, especially if you’re stupid enough to crawl around on the floor and just stay there, on all fours, while he’s running straight at you. I mean, if you just stood up, you probably wouldn’t get that badly injured but …. well, what do I know, right? And then there’s Leechy, who is a female puppet who spits up leeches. What’s interesting is that she never runs out of leeches but I have to wonder, if you have that many leeches, why not just send them out on their own instead of stuffing them all into some poor little puppet? I felt bad for Leechy. She seemed kinda sad. And then there’s Handy, who has big hands and Facey, who can assume several different facial expressions at once. They’re all really adorable, to be honest.

Anyway, Puppet Master is about a bunch of psychics who all spend the night in a California hotel that was once home to the “last alchemist,” Andre Toulon (William Hickey). Toulon had the power to bring inanimate creatures — like puppets! — too life but, when the Nazi spies were closes in on him, Toulon killed himself. Many years later, a psychic named Neil Gallagher (Jimmie F. Skaggs) discovered Toulon’s hiding place in the hotel but then shot himself as well. So now, Neil’s former colleagues are all trying to get Toulon’s power for themselves. Or something. As I said, following the plot is not always easy. The main appeal here is watching the cute puppets do really bad things.

That said, who knew that a group of psychics and witches would prove to be so stupid? I mean, you would think that — when all of you are having constant premonitions of death and destruction — you would be smart enough to take extra precautions or maybe just leave the hotel all together. For instance, Dana (Irene Miracle) casts a protection spell over someone else but not on herself. Meanwhile, Frank (Matt Roe) and Clarissa (Kathryn O’Reilly) make the rookie mistake of having sex in a horror film while our nominal hero, Alex (Paul Le Mat, looking like he’s trying to figure out how he went from American Graffiti to this), wanders around in a daze.

And yet, watching the film, I could see why it became so popular. The puppets are memorable and well-designed and the backstory, with Toulon and all the rest, is actually pretty interesting. Puppet Master is one of those films that defines “stupid but fun.” No wonder the puppets came back!

2016 In Review: The Best of SyFy

Posted on January 7, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Well, here we are! We have reached the end of the first week of January, 2017 and that means that it is time for me to start listing my favorite movies, books, songs, and TV shows of the previous year! Let’s start things off by taking a look at the best that the SyFy network had to offer in 2016!

Below, you will find my nominees for the best SyFy films and performances of the previous year. The winners are listed in bold and starred. As you’ll quickly notice, it was a good year for films about zombies, spiders, and sharks!

(Please note: When it comes to determining the nominees, I have used the credits for each film as listed on the Internet Movie Database. If anyone feels that they have been miscredited, feel free to let me know and I’ll correct the mistake. Thanks!)

Best Picture

2 Lava 2 Lantula, produced by Neil Elman, Anthony Frankhauser, Lisa M. Hansen, Paul Hertzber

Atomic Shark, produced by Tanya Bellamy, Diane Boone, Matt Chiasson, Angela Meredith Furst, Griff Furst, Stephen Furst, M. Juan Gonzalez, Ross Herbert, Howie Klein, Som Kohanzadeh, Yoram Kohanzadeh, Isiah LaBorde, Kevin Lamb, Daniel March, Will Matherne, David Poughatsch, Lee C. Rogers, Miguel Sandoval, Arthur Scanlan, Ben Yimlimai

Dead 7, produced by Paul Bales, Nick Carter, David L. Garber, David Michael Latt, David Rimawi, Micho Rutare, Dylan Vox

Isle of the Dead, produced by Paul Bales, Lauren Elizabeth Hood, David Michael Latt, David Rimawi

*The Night Before Halloween, produced by Blake Corbet, Priscilla Galvez, Christina O’Shea-Daly, Marek Povisal, Lance Samuels, Mary Anne Waterhouse

Ozark Sharks, produced by Kenneth M. Badish, Sam Claitor, Eric Davies, Daniel Lewis, Jordan Lewis, Pierre-Andre Rochat, Tommy Talley

Best Director

Nick Lyons for Isle of the Dead

Nick Simon for 2 Lava 2 Lantula

Misty Talley for Ozark Sharks

*Sheldon Wilson for The Night Before Halloween

Best Actor

*Nick Carter in Dead 7

Steve Guttenberg in 2 Lava 2 Lantula

Justin Kelly in The Night Before Halloween

Michael Papajohn in Ozark Sharks

Best Actress

Jessica Blackmore in Dam Sharks

Laura Cayouette in Ozark Sharks

*Bailee Madison in The Night Before Halloween

Maryse Mizanin in Isle of the Dead

Best Supporting Actor

Raymond J. Barry in Day of Reckoning

*D.C. Douglas in Isle of the Dead

Alex Harrouch in The Night Before Halloween

Thomas Francis Murphy in Ozark Sharks

Best Supporting Actress

*Allisyn Ashley Arm in Ozark Sharks

Barbara Crampton in Day of Reckoning

Kristina Hughes in Stakeland 2: The Stakelander

Kiana Madiera in The Night Before Halloween

Best Screenplay

*2 Lava 2 Lantula, Neil Elman, Ashley O’Neil

Isle of the Dead, Jacob Cooney, Brandon Trenz

The Night Before Halloween, Sheldon Wilson

Ozark Sharks, Marcy Holland, Greg Mitchell

Best Cinematography

Atomic Shark, Don E. FauntLeRoy

*The Night Before Halloween, Daniel Grant

Planet of the Sharks, Mark Atkins

Stakeland 2: The Stakelander, Matt Mitchell

Best Costumes

*Dead 7, Sarah Sharp

Isle of the Dead, Cailan Calandro

Planet of the Sharks, Mary-Sue Morris

Stakeland 2: The Stakelander, Brenda Shenher

Best Editing

Atomic Shark, Stephen Pfeil

Isle of the Dead, Rob Pallatina

The Night Before Halloween

*Ozark Sharks, Misty Talley

Best Makeup

The Crooked Man, Laurie Hallack, Laura Morton, Hannah Schenck, Eric S. Wilson

*Isle of the Dead, Leslie Burdick, Dennis M. Chavez, Michael Robert Cypher, Lleva Radina

Sharknado 4, Krystal Bagorio, Stacy Bisel, Haley Coats, Rebeca Ovadia, Magali Serrano, Melissa K. Webb

Stakeland 2: The Stakelander, Raven Dee, Jill Demaer, Lindi Edge, Pete Gerner, Nina McArthur, Brian Spears, Krista Stevenson

Best Score

*Dead 7, Drew Lerdal, Bryan Shackle

Isle of the Dead, Chris Cano, Chris Ridenhour

Ozark Sharks, Andrew Morgan Smith

Sharknado 4, Christopher Cano, Chris Ridenhour

Best Production Design

2 Lava 2 Lantula, Yana Veselova, Megan Sunzeri

Dead 7, Caitlin Langen, Mikki Mamaril

*Isle of the Dead, Kalise Wallace, Taylor Jean

Sharknado 4, Kalise Wallace

Best Sound

Atomic Shark

Isle of the Dead

The Night Before Halloween

*Sharknado 4

Best Visual Effects

Atomic Shark

*2 Lava 2 Lantula

The Night Before Halloween

Shadows of the Dead

Congratulations to all the nominees! Thank you for keeping us entertained in 2016!

Want to see my picks for last year? Click here!

Click here for my picks from 2014!

And here for my picks from 2013!

Tomorrow, we’ll take a look at the best from Lifetime!

Previous Entries In The Best of 2016:

Cleaning Out The DVR Yet Again #12: Day of Reckoning (dir by Joel Novoa)

Posted on November 23, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(Lisa recently discovered that she only has about 8 hours of space left on her DVR! It turns out that she’s been recording movies from July and she just hasn’t gotten around to watching and reviewing them yet. So, once again, Lisa is cleaning out her DVR! She is going to try to watch and review 52 movies by Wednesday, November 30th! Will she make it? Keep checking the site to find out!)

The next film that I watched off of the DVR was Day of Reckoning, a film that premiered on the SyFy network on October 8th.

Day of Reckoning was one of the handful of films that premiered as a part of SyFy’s 31 Days of Halloween. There was a time when the SyFy network used to air a new film every week. That was a golden age for those of us who enjoy live tweeting and snarking online. Unfortunately, it would appear that the network made a change in their business model and SyFy drastically cut back on the number of original films that they produced and/or bought each year. Now, if you want to see an original film premiere on SyFy, you either have to wait for Shark Week or October. It’s unfortunate but that’s the way things are.

This year, it seemed as if almost all of SyFy’s October premieres were essentially remakes of It Follows. Day of Reckoning is unique because it went the opposite route. In no way is this film a rip-off of It Follows.

Instead, it’s more of a rip-off of The Purge: Anarchy.

16 years ago, during an eclipse, Earth was attacked by a pack of dogs from Hell. That’s not just me being overdramatic. Fissures literally formed in the ground and these dogs sprang out from the depths of Hell. For 24 hours, the hellhounds terrorized and killed. And then, much like a wealthy, mask-wearing murderer at the end of the annual Purge, they just vanished. Naturally, the survivors built barriers over the fissures and hoped that the dogs would never return. But now, another eclipse is approaching and some people are terrified that it’s going to happen again.

And you know what?

Those people are right.

Day of Reckoning follows one family and their effort to get to safety during the canine apocalypse. The father (Jackson Hurst) is still feeling guilty for not being home when the dogs first showed up. He’s determined not to fail his family for a second time. His wife (Heather McComb), meanwhile, just wants a divorce and his teenage son (Jay Jay Warren) just wants to hang out with his girlfriend.

Fortunately, a crazy uncle is coming to the rescue! Crazy Uncle Ted (Raymond J. Barry) has built an underground bunker and he’s invited the family to come join him and his wife (Barbara Crampton). However, the family first has to reach the shelter and that’s going to mean dealing with not only dogs but a lot of stupid people as well. You know how that goes. Can the family survive 24 hours of hellhound purging?

Crazy Uncles have been getting blamed for a lot lately. As of right now, you can go to about a hundred different sites and find all sorts of guides for how to talk to your crazy uncle during Thanksgiving. Apparently, the solution is to repeat tired soundbites. Personally, I would think a better solution would be not to worry about it and just enjoy your holiday but what the Hell do I know? With the character of Ted, Day of Reckoning pays tribute to the occasional wisdom of the crazy uncle and therefore, it’s essential Thanksgiving viewing.

Beyond that, Day of Reckoning is pretty much a typical SyFy film. It’s a bit more serious than most but, ultimately, it follows the same pattern. A group of characters have to get from one location to another without getting killed by a paranormal threat. It won’t take you by surprise but Raymond J. Barry and Barbara Crampton are both well-cast and, if you’re a fan of SyFy movies, you’ll probably enjoy Day of Reckoning.

The TSL’s Daily Horror Grindhouse: Road Games (dir by Abner Pastoll)

Posted on October 14, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Road Games is an odd film. On the one hand, it’s such a slow-moving film that there’s really not a whole lot of plot to describe. On the other hand, what little plot that does exist all hinges on a big twist that I really can’t reveal. Considering how offended some people get when I reveal the end of a Lifetime film on this site, I can only imagine the reaction if I spoiled this film.

Jack (Andrew Simpson) is a depressed British guy who is stranded in France. He’s been hitchhiking across the country, hoping to make his way to Calais so that he can catch a ferry back to the UK. Oddly, he’s traveling with no bags. When we first meet Jack, he’s frustrated because nobody is willing to stop and pick him up.

Jack does eventually meet another hitchhiker, Veronique (Josephine de la Baume). Despite the fact that Jack speaks little French and Veronique speaks little English, they have an immediate chemistry. Veronique even lets Jack know why nobody wants to pick him up. Apparently, there’s a serial killer in the area!

Shortly afterwards, a car actually does stop. The owner of the car, Grizard (Frederic Pierrot), offers them a ride. Jack quickly gets in the car but Veronique is weary of the rough-spoken Grizard and only reluctantly gets in the back seat. They drive. Grizard asks way too many personal questions. He stops to pick a dead rabbit off of the road. He gets mad when Jack tries to turn on the radio. He also mentions that, because of a strike that neither Jack nor Veronique had heard about, there are no ferries from Calais. He offers to let Jack and Veronique stay at his home for the night. Though Veronique is reluctant, Jack readily agrees.

Grizard’s wife is Mary (Barbara Crampton). Grizard insists that Mary is British but Mary tells Jack that she’s actually from the States. Veronique doesn’t trust either Grizard or Mary but Jack says that they’re probably just lonely. Veronique is offended that she and Jack are given separate rooms. Jack replies that they’re probably just old-fashioned…

And that’s all I can tell you about the plot! There’s a really big twist and it’s actually fairly clever. But, my God, it takes forever to get there. Road Games is a very slow film. I know some of that was to build up suspense and the film is certainly not a failure but it’s still hard not to feel that Road Games was basically a terrifically effective 20-minute short film that was unnecessarily padded out to 95 minutes.

Road Games did the festival circuit in 2015 and got a release earlier this year. It’s currently on Netflix and I guess I would give it a partial recommendation, especially if you’re a fan of the horror road genre. There was a lot I did like about the movie: the cinematography is gorgeous and the original score is evocative of the best of giallo. The acting is okay, though Barbara Crampton is really the only stand-out in the cast. Throughout the film, the characters speak in a combination of French and English and Road Games makes good use of the language barrier to keep us off-balance. (How much is Jack understanding? we constantly wonder.) But the film itself is just so slow! I’ll be curious to see what director Abner Pastoll does next. I just hope his next film has a steadier pace.