Category Archives: TV Show

An Exorcist TV pilot? What Sweet Hell is This?

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

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I don’t wear hats but if I did, I would give a tip of the hat to my friends over at Horrorpedia for the news that apparently, a pilot has been put into production for an Exorcist TV show.

And then I would sigh.  Actually, that’s what I’m doing right now.

Seriously, an Exorcist TV show?  Which dumbfug toadsucker thought this was a good idea?  What damnable dumbfuckery is this?

Oh!  And hey, the pilot is being written by the same guy who wrote the Fantastic Four movie!  It gets even better!

For what it’s worth, here’s the plot description:

Two very different men — Father Tomas Ortega (Alfonso Herrera) and Father Marcus Lang (Ben Daniels) — tackle one family’s case of horrifying demonic possession and confronting the face of true evil…

To be honest, I could probably get enthusiastic if the show was a prequel about the early life of Father Merrin.  But this sounds more like a remake of Deliver Us From Evil and that movie was pretty bad!  I mean, not even Joel McHale could save that movie…

And seriously — what type of priest is named Marcus Lang?

Here’s hoping that Pazuzu puts a stop to this before the legacy of a true horror classic is tarnished any further.

A Few Thoughts On The X-Files 10.6 “My Struggle II”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

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(WARNING: This review will contain spoilers.)

I have to admit that, after I finished watching the finale of The X-Files “revival,” I felt totally and completely confused.  I wasn’t really sure what I had just seen and I don’t mean that in a good way.  I wondered if maybe, as a relatively new viewer of The X-Files, I simply did not have the necessary background information to follow the episode’s plot.  And then I wondered if maybe I just had not been paying enough attention while I was watching.  Maybe I was too ADD to follow an episode of The X-Files…

So, I rewatched the episode.  I made sure to sit right in front of the TV and to turn on the closed captioning so that I would be able to understand what everyone was mumbling about.  During the second viewing, I came to understand just why exactly I had been so confused.  To say that the editing of My Struggle II was ragged would be an understatement.  It was often difficult to figure out how much time had passed between scenes or where the characters were in relation to one another.  The whole episode felt as if it had been haphazardly constructed, with scenes randomly tossed together.  But then again, that’s been true of the entire season.  Even the better episodes have shared that ragged quality.  The parts, as good as they have occasionally been, have rarely added up to a coherent whole.  I imagine that, if you were a fan of The X-Files before the revival, you might have enough of an emotional commitment, in Mulder and Scully as characters, that you can overlook the revival’s weaker moments.  But for a new viewer, like me, it can get frustrating.

This has been a very uneven season.  Season 10 was made up of 6 episodes, each of which seemed to have a totally different tone and outlook from the other.  There’s been one great episode (Mulder & Scully Meet The Weremonster), one terrible episode (My Struggle), one mediocre episode (Babylon), and two episodes that were above average but nothing special (Founder’s Mutation, Home Again).  For the first 40 minutes or so, I thought that My Struggle II would be another mediocre episode.  But, towards the very end, things started to get better.  After spending most of the episode separated from each other, David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson finally got to share a scene.  (The only time that Duchovny and Anderson seem truly invested in their roles is when they’re playing off of each other.  Each brings out the best in the other.)  And the scene ended with a cliffhanger that was so batshit crazy that, almost despite my better instincts, I found myself saying, “Yes, give us a season 11 because I have to know what just happened!”

And really, thank God for that cliffhanger.  A good final scene can make up for so much.  My Struggle II opens with Mulder missing and, it’s a sign of that ragged editing that I mentioned earlier, that I wasn’t sure how long he had been missing or who exactly was aware that he was missing.  It turns out that Mulder’s missing because he’s busy driving to South Carolina so he can confront the Cigarette-Smoking Man (William B. Davis), the big villain from the show’s original run.  Apparently, the CSM is aware that humanity is about to be wiped out by an alien plague but he has a cure and he wants Mulder to join him and a few others that he has judged worthy of survival.

Meanwhile, Tad O’Malley (Joel McHale) is back!  When we last heard, Tad had vanished and his web site had been shut down.  And yet, at the start of this episode, Tad has suddenly returned and his web site is once again active.  No mention is made of where O’Malley has been and nobody — not even Scully — seems to be curious about the details.  Maybe O’Malley was never really missing in the first place.  It’s hard to tell with this show.

Anyway, the main reason that Tad shows up is so that he can announce, during his podcast, that humanity’s DNA has been corrupted with alien DNA and, as a result, everyone is essentially a walking time bomb.  This, of course, leads to rioting in the streets which is … odd.  I mean, let’s be honest.  He may look like Joel McHale and his show may be surprisingly well-produced but, ultimately, Tad is just a guy with a podcast.  As I watched the original world react to Tad’s podcast, it occurred to me that Season 10 may be airing in 2016 but it still has a 2002 sensibility.

Working with Agent Einstein (Lauren Ambrose), Scully is able to use her DNA to create a cure for the virus.  I’m not sure how that works but, in all fairness to The X-Files, this may be one of those plot points that would make more sense to me if I had watched more of the previous seasons of the show.  By this point, Mulder has returned from confronting the CSM and is on the verge of dying from the virus.  Scully announces that, in order to cure Mulder, they have to get DNA from their son William but she’s not sure where he is and…

AND THAT’S WHEN A BIG OLD FLYING SAUCER APPEARS IN THE SKY ABOVE!

And, as frustrated as I had been with My Struggle II, I cheered a little when that UFO showed up.  Ever since this revival started, I have been predicting that William would return.  Now, I don’t know for sure who is in that flying saucer but seriously, it has to be William, doesn’t it?  I mean, who else would it be?  As frustrated as I have often been with The X-Files, I ended My Struggle II wanting a season 11 because I want to know who is in that flying saucer.

And, ultimately, I guess that has to be counted as a point in the show’s favor.  When a show can be as flawed as The X-Files has been this season and still leave the viewer hoping for more, that has to be considered a success of some sort.

So, my final verdict on My Struggle II: Uneven but intriguing when it mattered.  I think the same can be said of Season 10 as a whole.

Will The X-Files return for an 11th season?  Well, if it doesn’t, there will be a lot of disappointed people on twitter.  Assuming the show does return and that William is on that flying saucer, can we all start calling him “Sculder?”

Seriously, I’ve been trying to make Sculder a thing for a while now…

A Few Thoughts On The X-Files 10.5 “Babylon”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

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“How do you say ‘howdy pardner’ in Arabic?”

Hey, X-Files, how do you say “Fuck you” in English?

I was flying between Dallas and San Antonio last Monday when the 5th episode of The X-Files revival aired.  I did DVR it but, as soon as I found out that this episode was set in Texas, I found myself reluctant to actually watch it.

Why?

Well, why not?

TV shows and movies never get my home state right.  After all, Texas is the state that the rest of the world loves to hate.  We are a convenient scapegoat for the rest of America.  Every sin of this country is blamed on my state and it gets a little tedious after a while.  And yes, I know that some people (mostly folks up in Vermont) would claim that it’s our own fault for being so confident and outspoken but you know what?  We only do that because we know it bothers you.

But anyway, the Babylon episode of The X-Files was set in Texas and, having just watched it, I have to say that it really is no surprise that it gets the entire state wrong.  After all, The X-Files movie portrayed Dallas as sitting out in the middle of the desert, surrounded by mountains and caves.  (There are no mountains or caves in North Texas.)  Babylon, meanwhile, portrayed every single person in Texas as wearing a cowboy hat and denim and talking like a bunch of actors who just finished the first day of James Lipton’s “How To Talk Southwestern” class at the Actor’s Studio.  I lost track of how many denim skirts I saw in the background of a scene that was meant to be set at DFW.  It was embarrassing.  Seriously, X-Files, do a little fucking research in the future, okay?  I mean, I know it’s hot but it wouldn’t kill you to spend two hours down here and see what we actually dress and sound like.

And if I seem like I’m making a huge deal about this, you should understand that Babylon made a huge deal about being set in Texas.  If I had taken a drink every single time somebody made a point of saying that they were in Texas or that they were going to Texas, I would have gotten drunk off my ass within a matter of minutes.  Of course, I would already have been drunk from taking a drink every time that someone wandered by wearing a cowboy hat or a denim skirt.

As for the rest of the episode — well, it was technically okay.  It actually had an interesting idea at the center of it, with Mulder attempting to communicate with a brain-dead terrorist.  Robbie Amell and Lauren Ambrose showed up as Agents Miller and Einstein, who were basically younger versions of Mulder and Scully.  (Lauren Ambrose, in particular, was well-cast.)  If, for some reason, David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson refused to ever appear in another episode of The X-Files, I wouldn’t have any problem with the series following the adventures of Miller and Einstein.

But, I have to be honest here.  I could not look past how thoroughly this episode failed in portraying my home state.  And really, there was no reason to set this episode in Texas.  Draw Mohammed exhibitions take place all over the country and Babylon could have just as easily been set in New York or California.  (Except, of course, that would have meant acknowledging that there is prejudice in all the states of the union, even the ones that serve as home base for the entertainment industry.)

Anyway, this upcoming Monday will give us the finale of The X-Files revival.  My Struggle II will feature the return of Joel McHale and, if I had to guess, I would say that it will somehow involve Mulder and Scully’s long-missing son, William (a.k.a. Sculder).  If you want a season 11 of The X-Files, be sure to watch.

I just hope they won’t return to Texas.

Great Moments In Character Actor History: Wilford Brimley on Seinfeld

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

Though he is best known today for telling diabetics to “check your blood sugar and check it often,” Wilford Brimley was one of the best no-nonsense tough guys in the movies.  Back in the day, no one played gruff and plainspoken as well as Wilford Brimley.  Whether he was playing a senior citizen in Cocoon, a U.S. attorney in Absence of Malice, or a stern father figure in countless movies and TV shows, Wilford Brimley was the epitome of an honest, upright, no bullshit authority figure.  It has been a while since Brimley appeared onscreen but anyone who grew up in the 80s and 90s can remember hearing his distinctive voice and fearing that, somehow, Wilford Brimley knew everything that he had ever done wrong.

Wilford Brimley played many roles but, for me, he will always be Postmaster General Henry Adkins in The Junk Mail episode of Seinfeld.  In this episode, Kramer announces that he is no longer going to accept any more junk mail and dares to suggest that we might not need a postal service at all.  Who better to set Kramer straight than the U.S. Postmaster General, Henry Adkins?  Even if it means having to put off his golf game, Henry is not going to let anyone make a joke out of the U.S. Postal Service.

As Henry himself explains, “I’m a postmaster but I’m also a general and it’s the job of a general to, by God, gets things DONE!”

In the video below, Henry Adkins enters at the 1:17 mark.

After watching this great moment in character actor history, you will never again complain about getting a pottery barn catalogue!

A Few Thoughts On The X-Files 10.4 (“Home Again”)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

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Tonight’s episode of The X-Files had the unenviable task of following last week’s episode, Mulder & Scully Meet The Weremonster.  As our own Leon the Duke pointed out over on twitter, that episode was not only the best of season 10 but one of the best of the series overall.  It was also that episode that convinced me, who up until that point had been a skeptic about The X-Files revival, to stick with this show.

Interestingly enough (and this is something that did not occur to me until about five minutes agp), Mulder & Scully Meet The Weremonster was also the halfway point of this 6-episode revival.  I assume that both tonight’s episode and the next week’s episode are meant to set the foundation for the season finale, My Struggle II.  A good deal of tonight’s episode consisted of Mulder and Scully just talking.  With Scully’s mother dying in the hospital, they talked about the “big” issues of life, death, and family.  They also talked about their son, William.  This is the son that they gave up for adoption and which they both ususally spend a good deal of time trying not to talk or think about.

So, I’m going to make this prediction right now.  It’s not a huge prediction and I’m hardly the first one to make it.  You’ve probably already made it yourself.  The 6th episode of season 10 — My Struggle II — will be about William.  At first, I thought that William would probably be reunited with his parents during this episode but, narratively, that’s short-sighted and way too easy.  Instead, I imagine that season 10 will end with either Scully or Mulder announcing that he or she is going to find their son and rescue him from whatever conspiracy has gotten its hands on him.

And that search will lead to Season 11 and perhaps every season after that.  It’s a search that will go on until Fox decides to cancel the show for a second time.  And I’ll be watching as Mulder and/or Scully search for William because, despite my initial skepticism, The X-Files has captured me.  Though I still sometimes strain to understand what they’re saying and I’m starting to get seriously concerned about my hearing, I’ve grown to love the chemistry between David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson.  That chemistry was on full display in tonight’s episode.  If last week’s episode featured Duchovny at his deadpan best, this episode was all about Anderson.  It was heart breaking to watch her as she struggled to deal with her mother’s death and the legacy of her fractured family.

As for this week’s monster — well, the Trashman was no Weremonster but he was still scary enough to make me go, “Agck!” whenever he showed up and he helped to turn Downtown into an unlikely but powerful anthem of doom.  As well, whenever he popped out of the back of that trash truck, I was reminded of the final scene of Once Upon A Time In America and that’s always a good thing.

(Seriously, Once Upon A Time In America is such a good movie!)

Overall, it was a good episode and I look forward to seeing what happens next week.  Also, I’m going to keep referring to William as “Sculder” until that becomes his official nickname.  It may not happen tomorrow but give me two years and Sculder will a trending topic.

It’s going to happen!

Lisa’s 6 Favorite Commercials of Super Bowl 2016!

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

So, as our longtime readers know, the only reason I ever watch the Super Bowl is for the commercials.  Every year, I post my 6 favorite Super Bowl commercials.  Now, I have to be honest, it’s hard to pick 6 from this year’s crop.  This was a seriously bland year!  There were no sexy commercials.  There were no secretly subversive commercials.  There were no commercials so offensive that I simply had to post them just to be annoying.

Instead, we got stuff like the Super Bowl Babies.  And I know that a lot of people loved the Super Bowl Babies but … bleh.  Seriously, it was a really creepy and kind of annoying commercial and I refuse to believe that anyone actually enjoyed it.  I think people saw the babies and thought, “Oh, I have to enjoy this or else it means I don’t love babies.”  The babies were cute but the commercial was super creepy.

And then there was this stupid Puppy Monkey Baby thing.  What the Hell was that supposed to be!?

I have to say — if I was going to have a pet that was half baby, that’s not the half that I would want.

Anyway, I did finally manage to come up with 6 that I did like.  And here they are!  Please understand that being include on this list does not mean that this site or any author of this site is saying that you should use any of the services or products being advertised.  In fact, seeing as how we’re not getting any money for highlighting this excellent commercials, I would suggest that you not use anything featured in these commercials.

Here are the commercials:

6) Coca-Cola: Little Marvels

Those little minicans drive me crazy and I refuse to allow them in either the house or here at the TSL offices.  Just a few days ago, Leonard try to stock some in the break room fridge and I spent the next few hours pouring them all out on the floor just to make a point!  But, taking all that into consideration, I still like this ad because … well, Ant-Man’s cute.

5) Kia: Walken Closet

I liked this one because it featured Christopher Walken and … well, that’s pretty much the only reason.  But it’s a good reason!  If nothing else, it kept me from thinking about how much I hate car commercials.  I hope Walken does a truck commercial next because I want him to explain what torque means.

4) T-Mobile — Drop The Balls

I liked this one because 1) Steve Harvey has a good sense of humor about traumatizing Miss Colombia and 2) it makes fun of Verizon.  Seriously, Verizon commercials are so smug!  Anyway, you tell them, Steve and keep praying for all us heathens.

3) Avocados From Mexico: Avos In Space

I really enjoyed this ad.  I’ll probably hate it after I see it another 100 times but for now, good job!

2) Prius: Getaway Car

I’m still trying to get the Dazzling Erin to buy a Prius so I can make fun of her for getting one.  But, after seeing this commercial, I now understand that a Prius is also a great car to own if you’re planning on fleeing from the police.  Seeing as how I always root for the guy being chased whenever there’s a high-speed police chase, I appreciated this feature of the car.  Add to that, I love the way that the Prius 4 become celebrities because that’s exactly what would happen in real life.

1) T-Mobile: Restricted Bling

It’s Jimmy!  And he can walk again!

And that’s it for this year!  Next year, advertisers, let’s bring back the sexy and the pretentious, okay?  It’ll make it a lot easier to make out a list.

Here’s What Won At The SAG Awards

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Howdy, y’all!  The SAG Awards were given out tonight but I did not see it because I was busy down at City Limits Texas, watching Joey Green and Luke Wade and gettin’ my country on!  (Boots and denim, y’all!)  So, I missed the show but I can still post the winners!  Spotlight won the SAG equivalent of Best Picture so it looks like right now, the best picture race is pretty much between that film and the PGA winner, The Big Short.  But what if George Miller or Alejandro Inarritu ends up winnin’ at the DGA?  This Oscar race is gettin’ as unpredictable as a cow chewin’ magic mushrooms.  Yee haw!

ANYWAY, here’s the winners!

BEST PERFORMANCE BY A CAST ENSEMBLE – “Spotlight“
BEST PERFORMANCE BY A MALE ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE – Leonardo DiCaprio in “The Revenant”
BEST PERFORMANCE BY A FEMALE ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE – Brie Larson in “Room”
BEST PERFORMANCE BY A MALE ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE – Idris Elba in “Beasts of No Nation”
BEST PERFORMANCE BY A FEMALE ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE – Alicia Vikander in “The Danish Girl”
BEST PERFORMANCE BY A CAST ENSEMBLE IN A DRAMA SERIES – “Downton Abbey“
BEST PERFORMANCE BY A MALE ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES – Kevin Spacey in “House of Cards”
BEST PERFORMANCE BY A FEMALE ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES – Viola Davis in “How to Get Away with Murder”
BEST PERFORMANCE BY A CAST ENSEMBLE IN A COMEDY SERIES – “Orange is the New Black“
BEST PERFORMANCE BY A MALE ACTOR IN A COMEDY SERIES – Jeffrey Tambor in “Transparent”
BEST PERFORMANCE BY A FEMALE ACTOR IN A COMEDY SERIES – Uzo Aduba in “Orange is the New Black”
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TV MOVIE OR MINI-SERIES – Idris Elba in “Luther”
BEST PERFORMANCE BY A FEMALE ACTOR IN A TV MOVIE OR MINI-SERIES – Queen Latifah in “Bessie”
BEST PERFORMANCE BY A STUNT ENSEMBLE IN A MOTION PICTURE – “Mad Max: Fury Road“
BEST PERFORMANCE BY A STUNT ENSEMBLE IN A COMEDY OR DRAMA SERIES – “Game of Thrones“
LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD – Carol Burnett

(By the way, y’all, I love you all…)

A Few Thoughts On … The X-Files 10.2 “Founder’s Mutation”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

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Last night, I promised that I wait for the second episode of The X-Files revival before passing too much judgment on the series as a whole.  One reason why that was an easy promise to make was that the 2nd episode was scheduled to air less than 24 hours after the first one.  And since I’m coming down with a cold, I was home and able to watch that 2nd episode.

The 2nd episode was a definite improvement over the first.  For one thing, it told an actual story that felt like more than just a collection of hastily compiled scenes.  There were still some weaknesses, though I’ve been told that some people consider these weaknesses to be strengths.  For instance, I will never be a fan of the muttering.  I understand that this is a show about secrets and conspiracies and that people dealing with secrets often speak in low voices but seriously, I could not hear about half of the dialogue.  Beyond that, the episode still suffered from some of the bad editing that marred My Struggle.  With the exception of Mulder’s fantasy about his son, the final few minutes of the show especially felt a bit hasty and abrupt.

There were other moments when I was painfully aware that this was a revival of a show that went off the air 14 years ago.  The opening credits featured pictures of David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson from the original series and it was a bit jarring to realize just how much these two have aged over the past decade.  As I watched Mulder and Scully investigating a mysterious death and a mad scientist, it was hard not to notice that both of them seemed to be moving a bit slower than they did in the past.

And then there was the scene in which a potential witness mistook Mulder for being gay.  That scene felt very 1999.

But otherwise, the 2nd episode worked pretty well.  It was nothing great but it had a few creepy moments and the scene in the pool totally freaked me out.  (Not to mention the sheer length of the blade the Scully pulled out of that guy’s ear.)  If nothing else, it seems to indicate that, should The X-Files revival go on past these 6 episodes, it will be a solid enough show.  It may never be great but it will be entertaining enough.

As for my favorite part of tonight’s episode, it was when Scully and then Mulder imagined what would have happened if they hadn’t given their son William up for adoption.  (On twitter, I suggested that the baby should be called Sculder but apparently, everyone’s sticking with William.)  It was interesting to note that both Scully and Mulder fantasized about having an ideal relationship with their son but, in both cases, that fantasy ended with a moment of sudden terror.  If nothing else, it showed the psychological effects of not being able to trust anyone or anything.

William will probably show up before this season ends.  I imagine it will be in the final episode and things will probably wrap up with one of those open-ended finales that will make fans of the show scream, “Bring back The X-Files!  We promise we’ll buy anything advertised during the show!”

Anyway, based on the 2nd episode, I would say The X-Files has earned its revival.

A Few Thoughts on … Lucifer 1.1 (“The Pilot”)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Lucifer

So, earlier tonight, I watched the first episode Lucifer.  Lucifer is the new cop show on Fox.  It’s about an eccentric crime solver who uses unorthodox methods to solve crimes and his partner, with whom he shares sexual tension and the occasional sardonic aside.  It sounds a lot like Elementary, Castle, the X-Files revival, and a whole lot of other TV shows of the past, present, and future as well.

The main difference between Lucifer and those other shows is that the title character is the Devil.  That’s right.  The Devil has gone from starring in Milton’s Paradise Lost to working with the LAPD to solve crimes.

(In high school, one of my best friends read Paradise Lost and ended up getting a huge crush on Satan.  I wonder if she watched Lucifer tonight.)

From what I understand, Lucifer is loosely based on a comic book series in which Lucifer gets bored with ruling Hell and comes to Los Angeles, where he runs a piano bar and spends a lot of time considering whether or not there really is such a thing as free will.  And that actually sounds pretty interesting.  That sounds like it would make for an edgy, thought-provoking series.

What is not particularly interesting is the idea that Lucifer would come to Los Angeles, open a piano bar, and then decide to spend his time helping the LAPD solve crimes.  It really sounds like the punchline to an overtold joke, doesn’t it?  “She’s a non-nonsense detective.  He’s the Prince of Darkness.  Together, they fight crime.”

There were a few things that I did like about the pilot.  I liked the fact that it opened and closed with No Rest For The Wicked, even though that song’s going to be stuck in my head for the next few days.  I thought Lauren German did a pretty good job as Detective Chloe Dancer.  There were a few scenes — mostly the ones that featured Lucifer hanging out at his piano bar — that were shot and acted in a entertainingly over-the-top style.  I like the idea that Lucifer can terrify people whenever he feels like it.  I think Tom Ellis could be really good in the title role but not if the series insists on straight-jacketing him into a typical “eccentric detective” role.

My advice to this show?  Get Chloe Dancer out of the LAPD as quickly as possible.  The character has potential and I can easily imagine Lauren German and Tom Ellis developing a really amazing chemistry but having to deal with a case-a-week format is going to rob this show of everything that could potentially make it special.  So, get Chloe off of the LAPD.  Have her work as a head of security for Lucifer’s bar or something.  Keep them together but forget about solving crimes.  Instead, allow Lucifer to truly explore the philosophical and theological concepts that were merely hinted at in the pilot.  It might not win the show a huge audience but it will win it a loyal and intelligent audience.  At the very least, it should be enough to score 6 seasons and a movie.

Lucifer has potential but not as a cop show.