Category Archives: TV Review

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 6.25 “The Dog Show: Putting on the Dog/Going to the Dogs/Women’s Best Friend/Whose Dog Is It Anyway?”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Come abroad, we’re expecting you….

Uhmm, maybe not this week, Love Boat.

Episode 6.25 “The Dog Show: Putting on the Dog/Going to the Dogs/Women’s Best Friend/Whose Dog Is It Anyway?”

(Dir by Bob Sweeney, originally aired on March 26th, 1983)

This week’s episode stressed me out.

The cruise line is co-sponsoring a dog show that is going to be held in Mexico.  The dog that wins will not only receive $10,000 but will also become the new “face” of Honeycutt Dogfood.  All the contestants bring their dogs onboard the ship and take the cruise to Mexico.

Seriously, imagine the scene.  Hundreds of dogs on cruise ship, floating in the pool and running through the passageways — YIKES!  I will admit that the majority of the dogs were cute.  There was a white Samoyed dog named Tundra who was just adorable and who could do all sorts of tricks.  But still, I spent the whole episode wondering what would happen if a dog accidentally jumped (or fell — oh my God!) overboard.  What if one of the dogs had fleas and now, everyone on the boat had them too?  Who was cleaning up after the dogs?  And what about a passenger — like me, for instance — who wasn’t really a dog person and who bought a ticket without the knowledge that the ship itself would be home to hundreds of canines?

The storylines also made me anxious, just because none of them made much sense.  (It was obvious that the main concern for this episode was getting as much cute dog footage as possible.)  So, we had Isaac and Gopher buying Tundra from $8 but not realizing that she was a brilliant dog who could do hundreds of tricks.  Isaac and Gopher sold the dog to the Captain and Vicki, just to then realize that Tundra was a sure winner in the dog show.  Isaac and Gopher tried to convince the Captain to sell the dog back but it turned out the Captain already knew Tundra was a winner.  Of course, as employees of the cruise line, neither Gopher nor Isaac nor Vicky should have been allowed to enter a dog in the show in the first place.

And then we had Isaac’s aunt Tanya (Isabel Sanford) running around with a Chihuahua while her husband (Mel Stewart) got jealous.  And we had Pamela (Catherine Bach) realizing that Gary (Dirk Benedict) was the new owner of a dog that she had lost two years before.  And then there was boozy Mrs. Honeycutt (Jo Anne Worley) boarding the ship and searching for her husband, not realizing that he wouldn’t be arriving until the ship reached Mexico.  For his part, Mr. Honeycutt (Gordon Jump) spent most of this episode in Las Vegas with his secretary.

Finally, Harold Pack (Ray Buktencia), who worked in Honeycutt’s mailroom, boarded the boat with some forms from Mr. Honeycutt and was immediately mistaken for his boss.  Pretending to be Mr. Honeycutt, Harold romanced a dog owner named Wendy (Heather Thomas).  Imagine Wendy’s surprise when she learned Mrs. Honeycutt was on the boat and looking for her husband….

Oh God, I’m getting stressed just writing about all this.

Things worked out in the end.  Mr. Honeycutt, having returned from Vegas, announced that there was a tie and all the dogs were winners!  Harold protected Honeycutt’s secret and got promoted to Vice President.  Pamela and Gary decided to own the dog together.  Vicki got Tundra!  Yay!  I was happy about that.  Tundra was adorable!

This episode was exhausting.  Too many dogs, too many half-baked stories, too much overacting on the part of Isabel Sanford, it was just too much.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 3.5 “Excessive Force”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

Earlier tonight, I was thinking I might get to bed early as a way to battle my depression over the election in New York City.  Then I suddenly remembered that I still had to review this stupid show.

Episode 3.5 “Excessive Force”

(Dir by Michael Levine, originally aired on September 7th, 1997)

A bank is robbed in Santa Monica so Chris and Victor ride their little bicycles really fast to the scene of the crime.  Victor gets shot in the behind and he spends the rest of the episode with everyone laughing about the fact that it’s excruciatingly painful for him to sit down.  (Wow, what a great group of people.)  Chris shoots one of the robbers in the neck so he swears revenge on her.

Meanwhile, Palermo’s ex-wife is married to an abusive police detective.  She briefly moves back in with Palermo, they end up going at it on the couch, and their daughter gets upset.

As is almost always the case with this show, it’s hard to get involved in the human drama because all of the humans are pretty dull.  Chris ends up staying at TC’s apartment for her own safety and there’s a lot of “will-they-or-won’t-they” tension but it doesn’t add up to anything because TC is boring and Chris is equally boring so who cares?  Meanwhile, Lt. Palermo just comes across as being the volleyball coach from Hell.

Oddly, this episode had a really impressive guest cast.  Dey Young played Palermo’s ex-wife.  Cliff de Young played her new husband.  John Hawkes — as in future Oscar nominee John Hawkes — played the brother of the guy who wanted to kill Chris.  Even Dorian Gregory, from the weird second season of Baywatch Nights, showed up as an FBI agent.  The guest stars were the lucky ones.  None of them had to pretend to be excited about riding a bicycle.

What a silly show.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 7.17 “Awakening of Love/The Imposter”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  The show is once again on Tubi!

It’s time for a trip to 1984.

Episode 7.17 “Awakening of Love/The Imposter”

(Dir by Bob Sweeney, originally aired on March 17th, 1984)

Wendy Collins (Robin Mattson) is a beautiful model who cannot overcome her trust issues.  She fears that she might be frigid and she even resists Roarke’s attempts to make her fantasy of finding true love come true by setting her up with photographer (Rod McCrary).  Wendy finally reveals the truth to Roarke.  She grew up in a troubled home and, as a result, she has a hard time trusting people.  She’s only had one lover and the lover was….

“An older man?” Roarke asks.

“A woman,” Wendy reveals.

The camera zooms in on Roarke looking shocked.

Welcome to 1984!  Now, today, it’s pretty obvious what would happen.  Wendy would fall in love with the photographer’s assistant, Carla (Renee Lippin), and she would realize that there was nothing wrong with that.  But this episode aired in 1984, which means that Wendy has to find the courage to tell the photographer that her previous lover was a woman and that the photographer will then have to be willing to say that it doesn’t matter.  Basically, Wendy’s fantasy is to be reassured that she’s straight despite having had one same-sex relationship.

Yes, well, hmmm …. hey, what’s going on in the other fantasy?

Arthur Crane (John Davidson) has a compulsive disorder that leads to him assuming other people’s identities.  That’s quite a serious problem and Fantasy Island plays it for laughs.  Roarke tells Lawrence to follow Arthur around the Island and to keep Arthur from taking on anyone else’s identity.  Lawrence is terrible at his job.  (Tattoo could have done it!)  Arthur pretends to be a movie producer.  Arthur pretends to be Mr.  Roarke.  (Okay, that did make me laugh.)  Arthur pretends to be a doctor so Mr. Roarke zaps Arthur into an alternate universe where he is a doctor and he’s going to have to perform surgery on someone who has had a cerebral hemorrhage.  Arthur points out that he doesn’t really have any medical skills or training..  Then he looks at the comatose patient and discovers that it’s ….. HIMSELF!

This storyline had potential but it was done in by some seriously bad acting and the fact that the fantasy was comedic so the viewer knows from the start that Arthur is not going to accidentally kill himself on the operating table.

This was a rather dated trip to the Island.  The main theme seemed to be that Lawrence was thoroughly incompetent.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 4.20 “Dead Man’s Riddle”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, the CHiPs team investigates an accident and a guest star gives a really terrible performance.

Episode 4.20 “Dead Man’s Riddle”

(Dir by Michael Caffey, originally aired on May 10th, 1981)

An accident in the mountains causes three cars to explode and one driver to die.  Since the dead driver was a captain with the Los Angeles fire department, the MAIT Team is sent out to recreate the accident and to try to figure out what happened.  They know that at least three cars were involved in the accident.  One driver died.  One driver is in the hospital.  And the other driver appears to be missing.  Getraer suspects that the accident could be due to people racing each other in the mountains.

What makes this episode odd is the casting of Joanna Kerns as psychiatrist Colleen Jacobs.  She’s assigned to the MAIT Team.  She actually drives through the mountains frequently and she even gets involved in racing sometimes.  In fact, she saw one of the cars right before the accident!  At first, she doesn’t bother to share this with anyone.  Instead, she just sits in the background with a guilty look on her face.  Finally, Jon Baker — in an unmarked car — tricks her into trying to race him.  That’s when she finally confesses….

….and faces absolutely no consequences!  Oh sure, Getraer gets a little annoyed and says that it would have been helpful if Dr. Jacobs had been honest from the start.  But Dr. Jacobs is allowed to continue to work with the MAIT Team.  Even though she intentionally withheld evidence from investigators, she’s not charged with obstruction.  Ponch tells her that she’s getting a chance to redeem herself which I don’t think is police policy.  No one comments on the fact that, even though she was worried that she may have previously caused a fatal accident, she still tried to race Baker.  Does no one care that, at the very least, she appears to have no impulse control?

Making things even stranger is that Joanna Kerns gives one of the worst performances that I have ever seen as Dr. Jacobs, delivering half of her lines as if she’s struggling not to laugh.  Even when she’s admitting her fear that she may have been responsible for the accident, she still seems like she’s on the verge of breaking out into laughter.  It’s very odd.

Speaking of odd,  an eccentric old man named Max (Owen Brooks) claims that he saw a UFO before the crash.  (Dr. Jacobs laughs when she repeats this.)  It turns out that he just saw a hubcap flying through the air.

In the end, it’s proven that the captain was not at fault in the accident.  That’s all that anyone really seems to care about.  I assume that Dr. Jacbos and Baker then proceeded to race each back to Los Angeles.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 5.5 “Borrasca”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, Vice helps the communists once again.

Episode 5.5 “Borrasca”

(Dir by Vern Gillum, originally aired on December 9th, 1988)

Martillo Borrasca (Juan Fernandez) is a drug dealer who uses the money to fund anti-communist revolutionaries in his native South American country.  Castillo, Tubbs, and Switek want to arrest him, especially after Barrisco and his men use a machete to hack an undercover cop to death.  CIA agent Reese (Brion James) wants the Vice Squad to lay off Barrisco because Barrisco is working to overthrow a communist.

Personally, I’m on Reese’s side.  Sure, Borrasca is a bad guy and he deserves to be punished for his crimes but the communist dictators in South and Central America were just as bad.  Just because they quoted Marx and spouted a lot of anti-imperialist propaganda, that didn’t change the fact that they oppressed their own people and many of them were involved in the drug trade themselves.  This episode aired long before the rise of Hugh Chavez but one need only look at the state of Venezuela today to see that the CIA perhaps had a point.

Castillo, of course, doesn’t see it that way.  He assassinated Barrisco while the latter is trying to make an escape via helicopter.  “I have a code,” Castillo says.  Really, Castillo?  That’s your code?  Assassinate a drug dealer but don’t do anything about the dictators who would have allowed the Russians to plant nuclear missiles in their countries?

This episode was actually pretty routine.  How many times have we been through the whole “The Vice Squad is after a drug dealer who has friends in the government” thing?  On the one hand, I always appreciate Miami Vice’s cynicism about the War on Drugs.  On the other hand, it’s frequent defense of communism has always been one of the show’s more glaring blind spots.  Communists make just as much money from the drug trade as capitalists.

Crockett was not in this episode.  Instead, Tubbs worked with Switek.  It was nice to see Switek get to more than usual but, in the end, this was definitely a Castillo episode.

 

Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi: The Next Genreation 1.12 “Wannabe”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi: The Next Generation, which aired from 2001 to 2015!  The series can be streamed on YouTube and Tubi.

This week, we get a peek into Degrassi’s future.

Episode 1.12 “Wannabe”

(Dir by Laurie Lynd, originally aired on June 10th, 2002)

This week’s episode is a good example of Emma Nelson being the worst person possible.

Paige and Hazel (Andrea Lewis) are planning on relaunching the Degrassi Spirit Squad, with help of Oskar (Fielding Horan), a character who I’m pretty sure was never seen again after this season.  Manny, a trained gymnast, wants to join the Spirit Squad and does a cartwheel in the school hallway for her audition.  It looks like Manny is finally going find a life outside of being Emma’s supportive friend and….

Uh-oh, Emma looks mad.

Yes, Emma is angry again.  She writes an editorial for the school newspaper, calling the Spirit Squad a sexist relic and saying that the only people interested in it are bimbos.  For some reason, the newspaper runs the editorial, which leads me to suspect that they have no faculty sponsor.

Paige, Manny, and Hazel responds by grabbing every issue of the paper and ripping out Emma’s editorial.  That is some of the funniest and most realistic high school behavior ever.  However, the show expects for us to be as upset as Emma.  No, I’m sorry.  Emma’s editorial was out-of-line and was clearly written by someone who had a personal issue with Paige.  (Never mind that Paige was the one who came to Emma’s rescue when Emma got her first period while wearing a white skirt….)  A responsible editor wouldn’t have published it.  If I said to Arleigh, “Hey, you know that former film blogger in Canada with whom I had that extremely petty argument 15 years ago?  I’m going to write a surprise, 1,000-word post calling him a loser just because I’m in a bad mood,” Arleigh would rightfully suggest that I reconsider.  Add to that, every editorial that Emma has written has sounded like scoldy crap but, during the first season at least, Emma was such a creator’s pet that we weren’t supposed to notice.

Mr. Simpson confronts Paige and Manny about vandalizing the Degrassi Grapevine.  Paige says that she saw Hazel doing it.  Manny realizes that Paige cannot be trusted!  Paige tells Manny that she’ll be lucky to make the Spirit Squad unless she adjusts her attitude.

Of course, those of us who have seen Degrassi knew the future.  Despite Emma’s whining, The Spirit Squad is going to become one of the show’s mainstays.  Manny is going to make the squad and become friends with Paige.  Meanwhile, Hazel is eventually going to be retconned into a Somalian refugee who ends up dating Jimmy until he gets shot in the back.  Meanwhile, Emma will marry Spinner and….

Oh yeah, Spinner!  Poor Spinner!  In this episode, Spinner gets stuck in one of the lamest Degrassi storylines ever.  Toby, JT, and Liberty think that they have a Pringles can that will win them a million dollars in some weird Canadian Pringles sweepstakes.  Spinner decides that he wants some of the money as well and J.T. and Toby say sure because they’re like 4’11 and Spinner is like 5’10.  But it turns out that JT had the wrong can so no one wins anything.  Yes, it’s just that dumb.

Again, it’s good to know the future when watching the Pringles subplot.  J.T. will never become rich because he’s going to be brutally murdered during his senior year.  Before he dies, J.T. will manage to impregnant Liberty and Liberty will give the child up for adoption.  Meanwhile, Toby will end up hosting a Canadian robotics competition.  (Yeah, I don’t quite understand it myself….)  And Spinner will end up flunking three times before graduating at the age of 21.  And even then, he still hung out around the school until he was like 30.  Never underestimate how far this show would go to keep a popular character around.

This episode was pretty lame but historically, it was very important.  Not only was it the first episode to feature Spirit Squad drama but it was also one of the first episodes to suggest (albeit unintentionally) that Emma was essentially a sociopath who couldn’t stand to see her friends happy.  This episode was a harbinger of Degrassi’s future.

Retro Television Review: Homicide: Life On The Street 4.13 “I’ve Got A Secret”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC!  It  can be viewed on Peacock.

Ring ring.  “Homicide.”

Episode 4.13 “I’ve Got A Secret”

(Dir by Gwen Arner, originally aired on February 2nd, 1996)

This week, almost everyone has a secret.

For example, when Pembleton and Bayliss are called in about a man found dead in his car, they discover that, earlier in the day, he went to a local ER after being shot.  The gunshot wound, which was accidental, didn’t kill him.  Instead, it was the internal bleeding that the doctor either missed or intentionally ignored.  Dr. Kate Wystan (Mimi Kennedy) may come across as being a selfless doctor who has dedicated her life to helping the residents of Baltimore’s most crime-ridden neighborhood but Pembleton and eventually Bayliss come to suspect that her secret is that, because the victim was black and a known criminal, she didn’t give him the same standard of care that she gives to her other patients.  Pembleton considers this to be murder, though it sounds more like a case of malpractice than anything else.

Munch spots Kay kissing a man outside of police headquarters and he becomes obsessed with trying to figure out who the man is.  He’s always believed that Kay is happy being single and alone.  (Uhm, hello?  Munch?  Remember when she dated Ed Danvers?)  Kay’s secret is that apparently she has a life outside of Homicide.

Finally, Lewis and Kellerman spend the entre episode chasing a burly man who is wanted for killing both of his parents.  At first, this entire storyline feels almost like a parody of NBC’s request that the series start featuring more action.  Lewis and Kellerman spend the entire first half of the episode chasing this guy through allies and pool halls and every time, they fail to catch him.  There’s none of the badass heroics that we’ve come to expect from cop shows.  Eventually, Lewis reveals that his brother is in a mental institution.  When Lewis tries to visit his brother, he’s just turned away.  Lewis’s secret is that he actually cares about his brother.

This was an okay episode.  By this point in the series, Homicide had reached the point where it could do an episode where the true enjoyment came less from the storyline and more from just listening to the characters talk to each other.  I really didn’t care much about the crimes that they were investigating.  Instead, I just enjoyed listening to Pembleton and Bayliss talk and bounce ideas off of each other.  They’ve come along way since the day that Bayliss objected to Pembleton’s interrogation technique and Pembleton shouted that he would never have a partner.  By the same token, Kellerman and Lewis have their own unique chemistry that is fun to experience.  They’re like the sensitive frat cops.  As for Munch and Kay, they should just hook up already.  It’s obvious to everyone that they’re in love!

Maybe that’s their secret?

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 1.3 “The Gift”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime and Tubi!

This week, Zack exploits his best friend.

Episode 1.3 “The Gift”

(Dir by Dennis Erdman, originally aired on September 8th, 1989)

Screech gets stuck by lightning!

Wow, I guess he’s dead now.  Oh wait, this is Saved By The Bell.  People get struck by lightning all the time.  Screech isn’t dead.  Instead, he can now see into the future.  Zack is thrilled that his friend has a power that he can exploit and Screech is thrilled to be exploited.  (That’s actually kind of sad.)  It’s all fun and games when Zack uses Screech’s powers to trick Slater into losing his bomber jacket.  But then, when Zack attempts to use Screech to pass Terrible Testaverde’s history midterm, things fall apart.

Terrible George Testaverde (John Moschitta, Jr.) is supposed to be the most fearsome teacher at Bayside.  Everyone fears his superhard midterms.  From what we see of his class, he actually appears to be a surprisingly easy teacher, albeit one who talks extremely fast.  His midterm questions also don’t seem that tough.  Essentially, Zack and the Bayside crew are freaking out because they’re going to have write an essay on three basic questions about the American Revolution.  What a bunch of wimps.  Seriously, I could pass Testaverde’s midterm with my eyes closed.

Screech loses his powers after Zack accidentally spills a drink on him but still comes up with three questions that Testaverde might ask.  Zack sets up a study date with Kelly, one that is crashed by Jessie, Lisa, and Slater.  Zack assures them that he knows what the three questions will be.  Jessie says, “You would never lie to Kelly, would you, Zack?”

Screech later says that he’s seeing three different questions, which means that it’s time for another wacky plot!  Zack pretends to be Mr. Belding and calls Testaverde and tells him that the school is flooded.  Then, he pretends to be Testaverde and calls Belding and says that he has laryngitis and he needs Belding to administer his midterm.  Neither Belding nor Testaverde apparently notice that the person calling them sounds like he’s 14.

The plan nearly works.  Belding gives the class the three questions that Zack called him with.  But then Testaverde shows up, dress like a plumber.  “My school needs me!” he says.  Testaverde and Belding eventually figure out what happened.  (These aren’t the smarter public educators in the world.)  Testaverde administers the real midterm….

Jessie gets a C and faints.  Slater doesn’t seem to care about his grade, mostly because Slater’s a bad ass.  Zack gets an “F minus, for scamming.”  He also has to be Slater’s slave for a month.  (Slater has Zack order a pizza.  Zack asks for one with the “hottest peppers you can find.”)  Screech passes because he actually studied so Zack makes fun of him and the audiences goes wild….

Watching this episode, I realized that the appeal of Saved By The Bell was how incredibly amoral it was.  There was no right or wrong and there were no consequences.  Zack fails a midterm.  He lies to both a principal and a teacher.  He reacts to Screech getting struck by lightning by taking advantage of him (as opposed to calling an ambulance).  And, other than having to order a pizza for Slater, nothing bad really happens to him.  Most shows would make a big deal about the importance of getting good grades and caring about your friends.  Not Saved By The Bell!  Saved By The Bell takes place in a world where, even when Zack loses, he somehow wins.  I can understand why that would appeal to many viewers.

Next week, Kelly convinces Zack that she’s going to kill him.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 10/26/25 — 11/1/25

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week was all about horror movies but here’s a few thoughts on what little of episodic television that I watched this week.

Abbott Elementary (Wednesday Night, ABC)

Why would they take the kids camping?  This episode made no sense to me.  I’m a little tired of hearing about Gregory’s “goofballs.”

Dragnet (YouTube)

I watched the “Night School” episode and the “Talk Show” episode.  They both made me smile.  I’ve seen them so many times that watching them automatically relaxes me.

Hell’s Kitchen (Thursday Night, F0x)

Will the Blue Team ever get it together?  I assume they will eventually.  The men always seem to start out weak before becoming unbeatable towards the end of the season.  Still, right now, I wouldn’t want any of these people making me anything to eat.

Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)

For the second week in a row, Maroun did not appear.  I don’t really have a problem with that, as Maroun was (is?) kind of an annoying character but it’s hard not to notice that now, neither Reid Scott nor Hugh Dancy are working with a partner.  I also noticed this week that Reid Scott, Hugh Dancy, and Tony Goldwyn all look way too similar.  Suddenly, Law & Order is dominated by sickly-looking white guys.

Retro Television Review: Baywatch 1.4 “Message In A Bottle”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch, which ran on NBC and then in syndication from 1989 to 2001.  The entire show can be viewed on Tubi.

Save me!

Episode 1.4 “Message In A Bottle”

(Dir by Kim Manners, originally aired on October 20th, 1989)

Hobie’s such a dumbass.

For the second time in like four episodes (and that’s not counting the pilot), the entire Baywatch team is mobilized to search for him after he goes missing.  This time, Hobie overhears Mitch and his ex-wife arguing over who should have custody of him so Hobie and two of his stupid little friends head off to an island that’s also being used by a couple of murderous modern-day pirates.

Seriously, Hobie — stuff like this isn’t going to look good when Craig is in court and trying to argue that you should stay in California with your Dad.  So far, Hobie has nearly been killed by a collapsing pier, he’s ended up getting chased by a murderer on a jet ski and, in this episode, he’s menaced by two other murderers.  It’s time to send Hobie to Indiana or some place else where there’s no ocean.

In other news, Shauni accidentally drives over Eddie’s foot so Mitch orders them to work the 24-hour shift together so that they can learn how to work as a team.  Truth be told, Eddie is  a bit of whiny punk and he definitely needs to learn how to work with other people.  That said, I think Mitch is overlo0king the fact that Shauni, a trained lifeguard, drove over someone’s foot.  (Shauni was apparently backing out and didn’t realize Eddie was behind her, which is even worse.)  Mitch finds the whole thing to be amusing and, later, Shauni has a good laugh when she nearly runs over Eddie a second time.  I don’t think any of these people should be anywhere near anyone who needs help.  Sometimes, people really should just stand in the darkness.

This episode was supposed to make me appreciate the efforts of the Baywatch lifeguards to protect the beach and to find missing kids like Hobie.  Instead, it just made everyone look incompetent and irresponsible.  Halfway through this episode, I wanted someone to get attacked by a shark.  It hasn’t happened yet but at least the show has given me something to which to look forward.