Retro Television Review: 3 By Cheever 1.2 “O Youth And Beauty!” (dir by Jeff Bleckner)


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing 3 By Cheever, which ran on PBS in 1979.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime and found on YouTube.

Episode 1.2 “O Youth and Beauty!”

(Dir by Jeff Bleckner, originally aired on October 31st, 1979)

Back in the day, Cash Bentley (Michael Murphy) was an athletic marvel.  He was a track star who could jump the hurdles with ease and who everyone in high school looked up to.  Now, however, he’s 40 years old and he feels lost.  He’s aging and a new generation of young people have come along.  They certainly have no idea who Cash Bentley used to be.

At drunken neighborhood parties, Cash insists on recreating his youth by having his hosts set up their furniture like an obstacle course.  Giving them a starter’s pistol that he insists be fired to signify the start of the race, Cash will run through the house, jumping over chairs and couches and tables while everyone cheers.  Unfortunately, Cash’s luck runs out and he ends up breaking his leg during one of his demonstrations.

Forced to get around on crutches, Cash feels isolated from the rest of the world.  He doesn’t get a promotion because his bosses say they need someone who can start traveling immediately.  When all of his neighbors get on the train that is heading into the city at the usual morning time, a hobbled Cash arrives late and is forced to wait alone for the next one.  His wife, Louise (Kathryn Walker), gets a job working at a boutique to help pay the bills.  She says that maybe she’ll make enough that they’ll be able to take a vacation.  At the neighborhood parties, no one wants to deal with Cash and his broken leg.  His athleticism was all he had left.  It was what he was known for.  It was the source of all his confidence.  Now that he doesn’t have that, he’s lost.

Eventually, his legs comes out of the cast and he insists that Louise set up all the furniture in the house so that he can run another obstacle race.  He gives Louise the starter’s pistol and insists that she fire it when it’s time for him to start.  The scene cuts to the outside of their suburban home.  The sound of one gunshot upsets the calm.  Later, Louise and her children are seen moving out of the house.  Cash is nowhere to be seen.

The episode ends ambiguously.  Those who are familiar with the original John Cheever short story know that Louise shot Cash and that no one was sure whether she meant to do it or not.  The movie cuts away before the gun is actually fired.  For all we know, Cash did the obstacle course and then just never returned home.

O Youth and Beauty is one of John Cheever’s most acclaimed short stories.  The screen adaptation features an excellent performance from Kathryn Walker but the scenes of Cash running the furniture obstacle course are probably something that worked better on the page and in the reader’s imagination than when actually presented on film.  Michael Murphy is almost too confident and handsome as Cash.  The role calls for a former jock slowly going to seed and desperately trying to hold onto his youth whereas Murphy looks like he’s still in peak athletic form.  Murphy does a good job portraying Cash’s depression and his alienation after he breaks his leg but, physically, he still seems miscast in the role.

Edward Herrmann and Sigourney Weaver, who were the center of last week’s episode, make a brief appearance in this one, hovering in the background of the neighborhood’s endless parties.

Next week, we finish up 3 By Cheever.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 3.11 “Year of the Monkey”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The entire series can be found on YouTube!

This week, Friday the 13th features an international adventure!

Episode 3.11 “Year of the Monkey”

(Dir by Rodney Charters, originally aired on January 15th, 1990)

Mushashi (John Fujioka) is a modern-day samurai who owns a cursed tea kettle.  When Jack, Micki, and Johnny come by his dojo in search of the kettle, Mushashi says that he will give it to them if they can prove that they are “honorable” by retrieving three cursed monkey statues that are currently in the possession an elderly businessman named Tanaka (Robert Ito).

Tanaka, however, has given the three wise monkey statues (“See No Evil,” “Hear No Evil,” and “Speak No Evil”) to his three children, Michiko (Tia Carrere), Koji (Leonard Chow), and Hitoshi (Von Flores).  Tanaka explains that each statue will challenge it’s owner.  Those who react in an honorable way will inherit Tanaka’s fortune.  Those who are dishonorable will get nothing.

Jack, Micki, and Johnny split up to retrieve the monkeys.  Johnny goes to New Yok to get Hear No Evil from Hitoshi.  Micki goes to Hong Kong to retrieve See No Evil from Koji.  Jack gets to stay in Canada (or Chicago or wherever this show is supposed to be taking place) so that he can retrieve Speak No Evil from Michiko.  What they don’t know is that Tanaka is several hundred years old.  Every time one of his children fails a monkey test, Tanaka gets a little bit younger.

It’s all about honor and dishonor and the code of the samurai in this week’s episode.  To be honest, it’s a bit of a mess.  First off, the title refers to the Chinese Zodiac but, other than our three regulars, all of the characters are meant to be Japanese.  Secondly, it’s never really clear how the cursed monkeys decide what is honorable and what is dishonorable.  Hitoshi uses his monkey to hear the thoughts of those around him and to take advantage of them.  That’s definitely dishonorable.  But then Koji is declared to be dishonorable even though his monkey did something on its own, without Koji telling it to.  Michiko refuses to use her monkey to her own advantage and is judged to be honorable.  She is told that it is now her duty to kill her father but instead, she commits suicide because killing her father would be dishonorable.  Then, Tanaka is eventually judged to be dishonorable because he stabs Musashi while Mushasi is not holding a weapon but that’s just because Mushashi dropped his sword at the very least minute.  It seems like Mushashi should be the dishonarable one for going out of his way to trick Tanaka.

My point is that this was a confusing episode.  The monkey were actually kind of cute but their powers made no sense.  I’m also not sure why experienced world traveler Jack decided to send Micki to Hong Kong instead of going himself.  In the end, this episode was pretty silly, despite the cool monkeys and the samurai-themed finale.

Retro Television Review: St. Elsewhere 1.20 “Craig In Love”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988.  The show can be found on Hulu and, for purchase, on Prime!

This week, Dr. Craig does the unthinkable …. maybe.

Episode 1.20 “Craig In Love”

(Dir by Victor Lobl, originally aired April 12, 1983)

Dr. Craig is indeed in love in this episode.  He’s totally smitten with the Hungarian Dr. Vera Anya and, when his wife Ellen (played by Bonnie Bartlett, real-life wife of William Daniels) goes out of town to visit her mother, Craig makes plans to show Dr. Anya around the town and maybe more….

Ugh.  Seriously, I don’t like the idea of Dr. Craig cheating on his wife and, though this episode leaves it ambiguous as to what actually happened, it totally appears that’s what Craig did over the weekend.  Dr. Craig is pompous and full-of-himself and rude to almost everyone he talks to but it’s always appeared that he totally loved his wife.  The whole idea of him thinking about cheating — much less actually doing it — just doesn’t seem right for his character.  And, quite frankly, Dr. Anya wasn’t really that intriguing of a character so if Craig did share more than just that passionate goodbye kiss with her …. well, I prefer to pretend this entire storyline didn’t happen.

Far more interesting was the malpractice suit brought against Dr. Chandler and Nurse Daniels.  As the hospital’s lawyer explains it, there really isn’t much of a case to be made for malpractice.  Instead, the dead man’s family is just hoping to get a quick settlement out of it.  Most doctors aren’t willing to pay the legal fees and don’t have the time to go to court.  Chandler, however, is personally offended by the suit and pledges to do whatever he has to do fight it.  Yay, Chandler!  Seriously, I hate people who try to bully people into settlements.  After my Dad died, there was this crazy woman who thought she could bully his estate into giving her half a million dollars.  Instead, she received nothing and that’s exactly what she deserved.  Both Denzel Washington and Ellen Bry gave good performances this week.  Ellen  Bry’s Nurse Daniels is quickly becoming one of my favorite characters.  She doesn’t let anyone push her around.

Speaking of pushing people around, Dr. Morrison finally got sick of Dr. White’s drug addiction and the two of them ended up having a fist fight in the men’s room.  Still, when White later crashed his girlfriend’s car and needed to be bailed out of jail, Morrison was the first person that he called.  Morrison, being a saint, got White out of jail.  White, being a jerk, barely even said thank you.  Morrison went to Westphall with his concerns about Dr. White.  Westphall responded that it wasn’t his place to give a fatherly lecture.  That’s cold, Westphall.  What about when he kills a patient because he’s high?  Will you care then?  No wonder St. Eligius is getting sued for malpractice!

Finally, Dr. Samuels had a cold so he spent the entire episode whining about it.  Seriously, Dr. Samuels is one of my least favorite characters of all time.

This episode was uneven for me.  I’m not happy about Dr. Craig being a cheater but I am happy that Dr. Chandler is standing up for himself.  Dr. White appears to be heading to a very dark place.

There’s only two episodes left in the first season so I’m assuming we’re going to get some sort of closure to at least some of these storylines.  We’ll see what happens next week!

 

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 3.21 “Parents’ Day”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

This week, Mark and Jonathan become narcs!

Episode 3.21 “Parents’ Day”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on February 25th, 1987)

Robert Culp plays one of the worst characters ever in this week’s episode of Highway to Heaven.

Culp plays Ronald James, a news anchor who is known for his fiery anti-drug editorials.  His teenage son, David (Lance Wilson-White), is a student at an exclusive boarding school.  When a joint is found in David’s dorm room, Ronald comes down hard on his son.  Ronald says David should be ashamed of himself.  Ronald says that David has brought dishonor to the family.  Ronald grounds David for four weeks.

After attending an anti-drug lecture delivered by newly hired narcotics detective Mark Gordon, David decides to call the police and tell them about the cocaine that is hidden in his family’s garage.  The cocaine belongs to Ronald but, when Ronald is confronted by the police, he announces that it must belong to David.  When it becomes obvious that Ronald’s job is at risk, he tells David to take the blame.  David says he’ll do it if Ronald promises to stop using.  Ronald agrees.

David takes the blame….

….and Ronald keeps on using!

Seriously, what a scumbag!

While Ronald is disappointing everyone, Jonathan — who is also working as a narcotics detective — pressures the local boarding school drug dealer, Brad Dietrich (Bill Calvert), to stop dealing.  Brad laughs off Jonathan’s threat.  Come back with a warrant, Brad says.  Then Brad’s girlfriend overdoses on the cocaine that Brad gave her.

Finally, after David nearly drinks himself to death, Ronald goes on the news and admits that he’s a drug addict.  He then says that parents have to step up and do a better job.  That’s fine, Ronald, but you know what?  YOU’RE A DRUG ADDICT WHO FRAMED YOUR OWN SON!  You don’t get to be a moral authority!

As you can probably guess, there was not a subtle moment to be found in this episode.  On the one hand, the message was obviously heartfelt.  That’s kind of a given when it comes to Highway to Heaven.  With every episode, it’s obvious that Michael Landon was sincerely trying to make the world a better place.  On the other hand, this episode was so heavy-handed that it sometimes verged on camp.  Culp was very believable as someone who was totally coked up.  The kid playing his son, on the other hand, was considerably less convincing.  It also doesn’t help that there’s a massive hole in the middle of the plot.  If the police were really unsure about who had brought the cocaine into Ronald’s house, they could have just drug-tested both Ronald and David to see who was snorting.  As well, seen from a modern perspective, it’s hard to really buy into the show’s argument that parents and children should be constantly calling the police on each other.  Today we know that the attempt at a zero tolerance war on drugs made the situation even worse.  This episode’s suggestion that snitching on loved ones is the answer reminded me of the worst excesses of the COVID era.

As I mentioned earlier, the episode ends with Ronald making an impassioned plea to parents to get serious about teenage drug use.  Hopefully, he was arrested as soon as the cameras were turned off.

 

Retro Television Review: Malibu, CA 2.10 “The Comeback”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Yes, this is from the first season. I don’t care. I refuse to waste my time looking for a second season advertisement.

Will Scott make it to the Olympics?  Let’s try to find out.

Episode 2.10 “The Comeback”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on December 11th, 1999)

Here’s what the imdb has to say about this episode:

Scott is excited about working with a new therapist, Ted from California University, and he believes against all odds that he will be in shape for the Olympic swim team trials. Trying to rush along his rehabilitation, he persuades Ted to let him get back in the water. Scott says he feels great and his comeback is progressing very rapidly, but he’s been taking medication to ease the pain his shoulder is causing him.

Yikes!  It sounds like Scott is hooked on drugs and, since this is a Peter Engel-produced sitcom, I think it’s safe to assume that Scott is not going to qualify for the Olympics.  Using drugs on any Peter Engel sitcom means that you surrender whatever you current dream may be.  We all remember what happened to Tiffani on California Dreams and Jessie on Saved By The Bell.

Oh well.  The idea of Scott just suddenly turning out to be a good enough swimmer to qualify for the Olympics never made much sense to begin with.  People spend their entire lives training for the Olympics.  Scott didn’t even know he was a fast swimmer until the second or third episode of this season.  Indeed, he should probably sue whoever gave him the false hope of thinking he could qualify in the first place.

This is yet another episode that has not been uploaded to YouTube so I can’t really do a proper review.  However, next week’s episode has been uploaded so, next Thursday, I will once again be watching Malibu, CA.  Yay, I guess.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 3.16 “The Waiting Room”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

This week, on Monsters, a dark room leads to trouble.

Episode 3.16 “The Waiting Room”

(Dir by Philip Alderton, originally aired on January 13th, 1991)

Newlyweds John (Christian Jules LeBlanc) and Catherine (Lisa Waltz) are invited to come stay at an isolated hotel by John’s father, Benjamin (John Saxon).  Benjamin explains that the hotel is where he spent his honeymoon.  He tells Catherine, “Your husband was conceived in this very room.”  Uhmm …. okay.  That’s not a creepy thing for a father-in-law to say or anything.

When John disappears, Benjamin tells Catherine the truth.  On his wedding night, Benjamin cheated on his wife with a mysterious woman (Denise Gentile) who was staying in a darkened room that appeared to be next door to Benjamin’s.  The woman turned out to be an otherworldly creature, one who lived between the real world and spirit world.  The woman trapped Benjamin in the room, only allowing him to go after he promised to give her a child.

Benjamin thought he had escaped the woman but, over the years, he discovered that she would show up whenever he walked into a dark room.  For that reason, he always has all of the lights on.  Now, John has been captured by the woman and it seems like she’ll only exchange him for Benjamin.  The problem is that Benjamin doesn’t want to go….

Now, this was a good episode of Monsters!  The story was interesting, the direction was atmospheric, the monsters were menacing, and the entire cast did a good job of bringing their characters to life.  John Saxon especially gave a good performance as the guilt-ridden Benjamin, alternating between moments of sublime creepiness, truly pathetic cowardice, and very real regret.  For once, the story felt neither rushed nor incomplete.  In 21-minutes, this episode told an effective story that stayed with the viewer, even after the macabre ending.

Anthology shows are, by their very nature, uneven but the third season of Monsters really did feature some excellent episodes.  This was definitely one of the best.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.26 “Pal-I-Mony-O-Mine/Does Father Know Best?/An ‘A’ for Gopher”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, Ted Lange presents three stories of cruise ship love.

Episode 5.26 “Pal-I-Mony-O-Mine/Does Father Know Best?/An ‘A’ for Gopher”

(Dir by Ted Lange, originally aired on April 10th, 1982)

Dr. John Hanson (Ben Vereen) boards the ship with his new girlfriend, attorney Jenny Brooks (Denise Nicholas).  John is shocked to discover that his former girlfriend, Ellen (Lynne Moody), is also on the cruise.  Jenny befriends Ellen and, after listening to all the details of how Jenny supported John while he was going through medical school, she suggests that Ellen should sue John for palimony.  Jenny even offers to help Ellen and John figure out how much John owes her.  John agrees.  As he and Ellen itemize their former relationship, they come to realize that they’re still in love.  Sorry, Jenny!  Jenny leaves the boat alone.  John and Ellen leave the boat engaged.  (Jenny does give them a bill for her legal services.  John and Ellen have a good laugh.)

WOW!  That’s not the type of story that you regularly see on The Love Boat.  It’s rare for a passenger to leave as angry as Jenny did.  What’s surprising is that neither Ellen nor John seemed to feel that bad about Jenny getting her heart broken.  Then again, what was Jenny thinking when she invited Ellen back into their lives to begin with?  This is why you’re never friendly with your significant other’s exes.  I don’t care how nice they seem or act.  They’re all potential enemies!  I don’t care how polite they are when they approach you outside the Dallas Museum of Art and start speaking in their fakeass British accent, don’t trust them …. well, anyway, let’s move on.

Gopher is super-excited when his junior high English teacher, Susan Wilkham (Susan Strasberg), boards the ship.  Gopher explains that he’s always had a crush on her and, now that Gopher is an adult, Susan appears to also now have a crush on him.  (Don’t freak out, she doesn’t even realize he was a former student until he specifically mentions that he was in her class.)  Except …. oh no!  Captain Stubing has a crush on her as well!  Well, don’t worry.  Things work out for Gopher.  While Vicki does not get a stepmother, Gopher gets a girlfriend who we will probably never hear about again.  Fred Grandy and Susan Strasberg made for a surprisingly cute couple.  (It helped that they both appeared to be the same age, despite the show’s effort to cast her as being “the older woman.”)  Good for Gopher, it’s about time something good happened to him.

Finally, a father (Lloyd Bochner) encourages his nerdy son (Kevin Brophy) to hit on a beautiful but snobbish blonde (Kristina Wayborn).  The son prefers the blonde’s shy best friend (Patty Freedman).  On every episode of The Love Boat, there’s one story that doesn’t amount too much and that what this story was.

Hey, this episode was directed by Isaac Washington himself, Mr. Ted Lange!  Obviously, The Love Boat isn’t really a show that demands or even allows an auteurist approach but I will say that this was one of the better acted episodes that I’ve seen.  Vereen and Moody, Grandy and Strasberg, they all had plenty of chemistry.  This was a truly pleasant cruise, despite Jenny’s anger.

 

 

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.2 “Daystalker”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, the Daystalker stalks wherever it is that this show takes place.

Episode 2.2 “Daystalker”

(Dir by Don Michael Paul, originally aired on August 24th, 1996)

After his girlfriend Sandy (Cindy Ambuehl) is assaulted by a serial rapist, TC becomes obsessed with tracking the so-called Daystalker down.  Detective Bonnie Wilson (Gwen McGee), sent to the beach to head up the investigation, thinks that the Daystalker is going to eventually move on from rape to murder.  She also thinks that TC is a loose cannon who is going to spook the Daystalker into moving to another city before he can be captured and prosecuted for his crimes.  Cory is set up as a decoy and soon finds herself being followed by the Daystalker.  Meanwhile, the terribly traumatized Sandy struggles with PTSD.

And, while that’s going on, Elvis and Victor try to get a Rastafarian to take a hex off of them!

This episode epitomizes one of the things that really bugs me out Pacific Blue.  On the one hand, we have a very serious storyline about a serial rapist and one of his traumatized victims.  A scene where Sandy has to leave a self-defense class because it’s triggers a flashback is a powerful and honest moment, certainly more powerful than anything you would expect to see on a show like Pacific Blue.  On the other hand, we have this totally cartoonish subplot about a random Rastafarian putting a hex on Elvis and Victor.  At a time when the entire bike patrol is supposed to be out looking for a serial rapist who has assaulted their best friend’s girlfriend, Victor and Chris are laughing because Elvis thinks the hex is making his hair fall out.  Never mind the stupidity of the hex plot.  Tonally, the two plots don’t go together.  With this episode, Pacific Blue reveals that it still doesn’t know if it wants to be a gritty crime drama or just Baywatch on bicycles.

This could have been a very strong episodes.  There were moments and lines of dialogue that really stood out for being considerably more thoughtful than one might expect from this show.  But it was still an episode of Pacific Blue, which means that the camera still lingered on random women in bikinis and way too much time was spent on TC saying, “I have to do something!”  Only TC could make his girlfriend’s rape about himself and only Pacific Blue would let him get away with that.

Even when they’re dealing with a serious issue as they did for half of this episode, it’s hard to escape the fact that these people are bicycle cops.  The bicycles, the crisp white shirts, the shorts …. it just makes it hard to them seriously.  This was yet another episode where a lot of time was spent with Palermo and TC explaining that bike cops are real cops.  We’re at the start of the second season here.  If you’re still having to justify your existence at this point, you’re never going to do it.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 6.14 “Revenge of the Forgotten/Charo”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites.  Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

This week epitomizes an era!

Episode 6.14 “Revenge of the Forgotten/Charo”

(Dir by Phillip Leacock, originally aired on February 19th, 1983)

Just the fact that one of this week’s fantasies is actually entitled “Charo” should tell you all you need to know about it.  Charo plays Maria Diaz (her full name is much longer), who has come to Fantasy Island to meet her father.  Charles Woodruff (Van Johnson) didn’t even know that he had a daughter but he takes the news surprisingly well.

The interesting thing about this fantasy is that Charles Woodruff is an American diplomat, who has a home in both New York City and Fantasy Island.  As Fantasy Island has previously been established as being its own nation, you do have to wonder if perhaps Charles Woodruff is America’s ambassador to Fantasy Island.  A large part of the fantasy involves him hosting a dinner for several other diplomats so I guess it’s possible that every country sends an ambassador to Fantasy Island.  Perhaps Fantasy Island even sends a delegate to the United Nations.  Maybe that would explain where Tattoo was during all of those season 5 episodes where Julie was suddenly Roarke’s sidekick.  For that matter, maybe that’s where Julie is now.  The show never has really explained what happened to her.

Anyway, how much you like this fantasy will depend on how much you like Charo.  She is someone who definitely epitomizes an era and, of course, the same can be said of both The Love Boat and Fantasy Island.  It’s interesting that, over the years, there have been multiple attempts to reboot both of those series and they’ve never really worked, largely because a good deal of the appeal of Love Boat and Fantasy Island is how much they really are a product of the 70s and 80s.  Attempting to update them for the modern era tends to negate everything that make both of the shows so entertaining to watch today.

(The latest Fox update of Fantasy Island had a lot of gorgeous scenery but it got bogged down in all of its attempts to world build.  It’s fun to speculate about how the Island works.  It’s less fun to actually have the show explain it to us.)

As for the other fantasy, it involves Marjoe Gortner!  As usual, Marjoe’s playing a villain.  He’s cast as Loren Robertson, who framed Alan Daly (Steve Kanaly) for a crime that he didn’t commit and then tricked Alan’s girlfriend, Marion (Christine Belford), into marrying him.  Recently released from prison, Alan comes to Fantasy Island to track down a fabled treasure that Alan believes he can use to restart his life.  With the help of Tattoo (who dresses up like Indiana Jones), Alan finds the treasure but, when he sees Loren and Marion on the Island, Alan gets distracted by his desire for revenge.

This story was a bit of an odd one.  Alan’s fantasy was to find the treasure and, after he found it, Roarke was like, “So, I guess you’ll be leaving now.”  Instead, Alan decides to spend a full weekend on the Island to try to get revenge.  I’ve never seen Roarke try to get a guest to leave early before but it’s even more strange to be reminded that somehow all of these fantasies occur over the course of one weekend.  Some episodes have seemed like a bit much for just two or three days.

Despite the fact that this episode originally aired in 1983, it doesn’t get more 70s than Charo and Marjoe!  Charo was her usual self.  Marjoe was a great villain as always.  This was an enjoyable trip to the Island.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 3.18 “Kidnap”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, two dumbs kids case a lot of trouble.

Episode 3.18 “Kidnap”

(Dir by Gordon Hessler, originally aired on January 26th, 1980)

Ponch and Baker have been assigned to escort to stupid kids — Pete (Brad Savage) and his weirdo friend Ray (Christopher Holloway) — to the country courthouse so that they can receive some sort of an award for an essay that they wrote about traffic safety.  I don’t know, it sound pretty dumb.  For some reason, local news reporter Pat Blake (Jayne Kennedy) is there to cover the story.  Ponch gets busy flirting with Pat and Baker’s busy hitting on Pete’s older sister (Judy Strangis) and nobody notices Pete and Ray getting into an unlocked limo and starting the engine.

Meanwhile, two crooks named Solkin (played by legendary character actor Timothy Carey) and Bickel (Warren Berlinger) escape from custody, run down to the parking garage, and hop in the limo.  Because those dumb kids turned on the engine, Solkin and Bickel steal the car with the two stupid kids in the backseat!

Even though this is entirely the fault of Pete and Ray, the entire Highway Patrol mobilizes to rescue them.  This episode is one long chase scene.  Solkin and Bickel want to drive up to Canada.  (Draft dodgers!)  Pete and Ray are trying to figure out a way to escape.  Ponch and Baker are trying to discreetly follow without letting the crooks know that they’ve been spotted.  Unfortunately, two stoners in a van try to help and almost give away the entire operation.

Of course, the kids are rescued and, of course, it’s all because of Ponch.  Ponch dresses like an auto mechanic and then borrows a banged-up Cadillac that has fuzzy pink seat covers.  Ponch follows the men and continually plays La Cucaracha by honking the car’s horn.  While Baker and the other members of the Highway Patrol struggle to keep track of the kidnappers and continually screw up, Ponch solves this case almost single-handedly!

Okay, that’s a little unfair on my part.  This is one of those episodes where the emphasis really is on team work.  Everyone — from Grossie to Getraer to Bear to Ponch and Jon — does their part to follow the limo and to come up with a plan to save the kids.  Still, it’s hard not to notice that, when it comes time to save the kids, it’s pretty much Ponch doing it on his own.  We’re closing in on the end of the third season and it’s pretty much undeniable that CHiPs has become The Ponch Show.

This episode was kind of annoying, despite the presence of the always entertaining Timothy Carey.  The main problem was that the two kids were jerks who had no one to blame but themselves for getting into that bad situation.  I hope they were grounded for the rest of their lives!