Category Archives: TV Review

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back Kotter 3.10 “Barbarino In Love: Part One”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, the Sweathogs are on the verge of actually accomplishing something but Barbarino is distracted by love.

Episode 3.10 “Barbarino In Love: Part One”

(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on November 3rd, 1977)

At the new apartment, Gabe asks Julie if he’s ever told her about his ancestor, Bart Kotter.  Bart was a prospector who let his friend Jesus die of snakebite because the only way to save him would have been for Bart to suck out the poison himself.  Julie finds the joke to be amusing, probably because it just gave her a new idea about how she could escape from her loveless sham of a marriage.

But enough with the Kotters.  It’s time to meet….

THREE DO’S AND A DON’T!

Okay, it’s actually just the Sweathogs again.  Three Do’s and a Don’t is what Vinnie has named their boy group.  They are competing in the regional semi-finals of the New York talent competition and, if they win, they’ll move on to the statewide contest.  Mr. Woodman isn’t a huge fan of their music, leading Washington to tell them that Three Do’s and a Don’t are not for the “over 30 crowd.”

And yet, when the group performs, they turn out to be a 50s do-wop group that performs a version of Jeepers Creepers.  Vinnie Barbarino sings in falsetto while the others do the acapella thing in the background.  1977 was the year of disco in the U.S. and punk rock in the UK.  It was not a decade known for its love of barbershop quartets.  Three Do’s and A Don’t appears to be very much for the over 70 crowd.

Still, the audience at the show goes crazy for them and I imagine that entirely has to do with Vinnie Barbarino.  Seriously, when you watch this episode and watch all of the Sweathogs performing together at the same time, it’s easy to see why Travolta went on to become a film star while some of the others — like Ron Pallilo — spent their post-Kotter career making cameo appearances in stuff like the sixth Friday the 13th film.  Travolta dominates the talent show, bringing a smoldering quality to even something as hackneyed as Jeepers Creepers.

Cassy (Amy Johnston) is impressed.  Cassy is the “winner from upstate.”  (“You’re a winner downstate as well,” Barbarino replies.)  Since the Sweathogs win their semi-final, that means that they’ll be facing off against Cassy at the final competition.  However, Barbarino is smitten with Cassy, especially after she instructs him on how a gentleman talks to a lady.  Instead of rehearsing with his group, Barbarino spends the weekend showing her around Brooklyn.  He even takes her to the local diner, where they run into Gabe and Julie, who are having a typically awkward date night.

Speaking of awkward, Barbarino’s date is crashed by the other Sweathogs, who demand to know why Barbarino has been blowing off rehearsal.  Washington explains that winning this competition would mean a lot to the rest of them.  Barbarino realizes that Cassy is the competition and that he can’t compete against the woman he loves.  The disgusted Sweathogs walk out on him as three dreaded words — “TO BE CONTINUED” — appear on the screen.

As easy as it is to be snarky about Three Do’s and a Don’t and their glorified barbershop music, this episode was enjoyable because it allowed to John Travolta to have center state and it also featured some very nice chemistry between Travolta and Amy Johnston.  Barbarino and Cassy are a cute couple, with Barbarino’s earnest stupidity matching up well with Cassy’s earnest intelligence.  Personally, I totally think that Barbarino should ditch his old friends for his new relationship.  I mean, how much happiness can you sacrifice for Arnold Horshack?

Next week, we’ll see if Barbarino finds happiness or if he returns to the Sweathog fold!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th 1.18 “Brain Drain”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!

This week, Jack falls in love but, unfortunately, someone is stealing brains.

Episode 1.18 “Brain Drain”

(Dir by Lyndon Chubbuck, originally aired on April 25th, 1988)

Jack, Ryan, and Micki go to the Natural History Museum of Ontario to try to retrieve a trephinator, which is a device that the ancient Greeks apparently used to measure the size of people’s heads.  The belief was that the bigger head someone had, the more intelligent they were.  While at the museum, Jack runs into a former girlfriend, Dr. Viola Rhodes (Carrie Snodgress).  Jack is so happy to run into Viola that he soon seems to forget about the trephinator but instead finds himself planning their upcoming wedding.

(Just to make clear, Micki canceled her engagement so she could spend the next few years of her life tracking down cursed antiques but Jack can apparently just decide to get married out-of-the-blue without it being an issue.)

Well, Jack may have other things on his mind but that trephinator is still out there and it’s dangerous!  It has been incorporated into a chair that allows a formerly developmentally challenged man to steal the brain fluid of others and use it to increase his own intelligence.  Stewart Pangborn (Denis Forest) used to be a test subject but now he’s a scientist.  When he decides that Viola will be his next victim, Jack’s wedding plans are put in danger.

Even after watching this episode, I have no idea what a trephinator is, what it looks like, or how it was incorporated into the big bulky chair that Pangborn used to steal other people’s brain fluids.  Was the trephinator the big needle that would be forcibly inserted into the base of the skulls of Pangborn’s victims?  I don’t know but I do know that the whole point of Friday the 13th was that Chris, Jack, and Micki were searching for cursed antiques.  Overall, it’s helpful to actually be able to look at the screen and say, “Oh, there’s the antique.”

The episode had quite a few flaws, from the bulkiness of the chair to the apparent ease by which Pangborn was able to set himself up as a scientist at the museum.  (Do they not do background checks in Canada?)  The episode’s dialogue had a “It’s only first draft, we’ll think of something better later” quality to it and the performances, even from the usually reliable Denis Forest, felt subpar.  The idea of Jack meeting an ex-girlfriend and falling in love had potential but there was very little chemistry between Chris Wiggins and Carrie Snodgress.  If anything, Jack’s romance reminded the viewers of how strange it was that neither the handsome Ryan nor the beautiful Micki ever seemed to have any amorous admirers.

It was a disappointing episode this week but apparently, next week will feature Ryan joining some sort of Amish death cult.  That sounds promising!

Retro Television Reviews: T and T 2.17 “T.S. Turner For The Defense”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990.  The show can be found on Tubi!

This week, it’s time for …. another clip show?  Didn’t we just do a clip show last week?  Far be it for me to complain about having an easy review to write but how does any show get away with doing two weeks straight of clip shows?

Episode 2.17 “T.S. Turner For The Defense”

(Dir by Patrick Loubert, originally aired on May 1st, 1989)

“Things don’t look too good for Amy when, after upsetting the law society, she gets threatened with disbarment.  But even I got nervous when she doesn’t show up for the hearing and it’s left to me to defend her.”

Oh yay!  For the first time since the start of the second season, an episode of T and T opens with Mr. T offering up a synopsis of the episode’s plot.  It’s been so long since this weird but fun trick has been employed by the show that I originally assumed that this episode was originally meant for the first season.  But then I spotted the character of Joe Casper in the background of a courtroom scene and Joe didn’t become a regular character until the second season.  Who knows why Mr. T introduced this episode.  I’m just glad that he did.

As for the episode itself, Amy’s adventures with T.S. Turner have finally led to her facing disbarment proceedings.  Unfortunately, right before heading with Amy to the hearing, Amy’s attorney has a heart attack.  Amy blows off the hearing to go to the hospital with her friend and, for whatever reason, it doesn’t occur to her to call Turner or anyone else at the hearing and let them know what’s going on.  I mean, her lawyer had a heart attack.  Under normal circumstances, this is the sort of thing that would lead to the hearings being postponed.

So, with Amy missing, T.S Turner takes it upon himself to defend her at the hearings.  Keep in mind, T.S. is not a lawyer.  Amy did not hire Turner to defend her.  If there’s not much reason for the hearing to proceed without Amy or her actual attorney, there’s even less for the “law society” to allow T.S. Turner to serve as her counsel.  Maybe they do things differently in Canada but seriously, none of this makes any sense.

Maybe I’m overthinking things.  Like last week’s episode, this is a clip show and obviously, the main concern of the writers was to find an excuse for everyone to talk about Amy’s previous adventures on the show.  Unfortunately, Amy’s adventures have never been as interesting as Turner’s so the clips pretty much all fall into the same three categories: Amy gets mad, Amy gets captured, and Amy flirts with some loser to get information.  It all gets repetitive fairly quickly.

Halfway through the episode, Turner calls Joe to testify.  “What about you, Joe?” T.S. asks Joe on the stand, “Have you ever gotten in trouble?  Tell the court about it, Joe.”  Joe proceeds to talk about how he first met T.S. and Amy and it’s hard not to notice that Joe’s entire story centers on T.S. but not Amy.  Perhaps realizing that Joe hasn’t been of any help, Turner takes the stand himself and talks about …. himself.  We get several flashbacks of Turner beating up criminals and it’s hard not to feel bad for Amy, who isn’t even the center of attention at her own disbarment hearings.

“Every legal indiscretion she has committed is justified,” Turner says as Amy finally steps into the courtroom, “because she has helped so many.”

That’s all it takes for the Canadian Legal Society to decide that Amy can continue as a lawyer.  Yay!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 1.21 “The Brightest Star”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee and several other services!

Jonathan and Mark are once again in Hollywood, bringing yet another family together.

Episode 1.21 “The Brightest Star”

(Dir by Victor French, originally aired on March 6th, 1985)

Despite the fact that Mark was hoping to finally have a vacation from work, the Boss has other ideas.  Jonathan and Mark end up picking up a hitchhiking little girl who claims that she’s escaped from an abusive orphanage.  It doesn’t take long for Jonathan and Mark to figure out that she’s lying.  She’s actually Laurie Parks (Carrie Wells), one of the most in-demand child actresses working in Hollywood.

Hired to do some carpentry at the Parks home, Jonathan and Mark soon start offering advice to the family and indeed, this family needs a lot of help.  The family is totally dependent on Laurie’s salary and Laurie deals with the pressure of being the main provider by acting like a monstrous brat.  Her alcoholic father (Gerald S. O’Loughlin) wants to return to his previous life of driving a cab.  Her mother (Trish Van Devere) spends all of her time watching out for Carrie’s career.  The daughter (Laura Jacoby) of the family’s loyal maid (Mary Armstrong) is the selfless angel that Laurie is not and, with Jonathan’s help, she begins her own acting career.  Unfortunately, her success comes at Laurie’s expense.

As I watched this episode, I was struck by how familiar it felt.  Eventually, I realized that it was reminding me of an earlier episode from season 1, in which a father was the one who neglected his family until his son was cast opposite of him in a movie that was he was shooting.  Both of these episodes present Hollywood as being a shallow place, where family is often put second and people are corrupted by the pressures of stardom.  Both episodes were critical of Hollywood but ultimately ended with the classic Hollywood story of a new star being discovered from out of nowhere.  One gets the feeling that Michael Landon, as the show’s guiding force, was dealing with his own issues of trying balance his career with his family.  Highway to Heaven both loves and criticizes the entertainment industry with equal abandon.

As for the episode itself, it wasn’t particularly memorable and it struggled to balance moments of sentimental drama with moments of comedy.  One could understand the father’s unhappiness with his situation without necessarily thinking that the solution would be for him to move out of the house and start driving a cab again.  In the end, Laurie was such a monster that it was difficult to care about what happened to her one way or the other.

Next week, Jonathan and Mark go up against another heartless corporation!

Retro Television Reviews: Lookwell 1.1 “The Pilot”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Lookwell, which aired on NBC in 1991.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Adam West is an actor who solves crimes …. kind of.

Episode 1.1 “Lookwell”

(Dir by E.W. Swackhamer, originally aired on July 28th, 1991)

Ty Lookwell (Adam West) was once the biggest star in Hollywood.

Well, maybe not the biggest star.  But, in the 70s, he did have his own cop show.  It was called …. Banacek?  Mannix?  No, that’s not it.  Oh …. BRANNIGAN!  Ty Lookwell starred on a show called Brannigan and he was even given his own honorary police badge in 1972.  It was presented to him at a ceremony in Television City.

However, nearly 20 years later, things have changed.  Brannigan is no longer on the air and Ty Lookwell has been reduced to wearing a wig and a leather jacket in an attempt to get a role in a revival of Happy Days.  (He not only doesn’t get the role but he doesn’t even get to audition.)  When he returns to his home, he is informed that his favorite hairspray has been discontinued (“Those fools!”) and that all the messages on his machine are for his nephew.  Kevin Costner calls looking for Lookwell’s nephew.  Francis Ford Coppola calls for Lookwell’s nephew and leaves a message in which he promises to call back.  No one calls for Ty Lookwell.

Lookwell, however, still has a steady gig teaching an acting class and his students not only look up to him  but also help him out whenever he decides that there’s a crime he has to solve.  This apparently happens frequently as Lookwell takes his honorary badge very seriously.

“Remember how we talked about how you don’t have to come around here?” Detective Kennery (Ron Frazier) asks Lookwell at one point.

The pilot follows Lookwell as he investigates a series of car thefts.  Helping him out is his favorite student, Jason (played by future director Todd Field).  Lookwell’s investigative techniques are not particularly complicated.  He puts on a disguise and attempts to go undercover.  It never quite works, largely because everyone that Lookwell meets is smarter than Lookwell.  Lookwell’s attempt to disguise himself as a Grand Prix racer fails because the security guard takes one look at him and sees that he’s obviously not a Grand Prix racer.  His attempt to conduct a stakeout on a fancy diner is nearly thwarted by his bizarre decision to disguise himself as a hobo.  His attempt to go undercover at a garage is thwarted by the other mechanics misunderstanding his leading questions.

(“Who beat you up, Mr. Lookwell?” his students ask at the start of class.)

As the investigation continues, Jason wonders if they’re just wasting time.

“You do not waste time,” Lookwell corrects him, “Time wastes you.”

Lookwell was written by Conan O’Brian and Robert Smigel, long before either one of them became famous, and the humor is definitely the humor of a generation who grew up watching network television, especially the cop shows of the 70s and the 80s.  While the dialogue is clever and definitely funny, it’s really Adam West who makes the pilot work.  West delivers all of his line with such conviction and confidence that it doesn’t matter that he only plays a peripheral role in solving the case and, in fact, usually makes things worse for everyone involved.  As played by West, Lookwell is so confident in his abilities and so blithely unaware of his limitations that it’s hard not to admire his spirit.

Unfortunately, the spirit was not admired by NBC and Lookwell only aired once.  But it has since developed a cult following.  Adam West described it as being his favorite of the various shows that he did.  I enjoyed the pilot, though I do think the premise was perhaps a bit too thin to support an actual series.  (It would have made a great recurring SNL bit, though.)  Thanks to YouTube, everyone can now watch what NBC passed up.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 1.20 “The Cocoon”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire show is streaming on Tubi.

This week, Billy Drago learns an important lesson about cheating, greed, and cocoons.

Episode 1.20 “The Cocoon”

(Dir by John Gray, originally aired on April 29th, 1989)

A woman (Kim Ulrich) is involved in a serious traffic accident, one that should have killed her.  Instead, she survives the accident with hardly a scratch but also without her memory (or so she claims).  A greedy police detective named Richard (Billy Drago) is called in when it is discovered that the woman has a good deal of money but no identification on her.  When the woman says that she knows that she’s wealthy, Richard becomes very interested in helping her regain her memory.

Richard’s girlfriend, Sarah (Silvana Gallardo), is a psychic.  Richard brings her to see the woman, hoping that Sarah will have a vision.  When she handles the woman’s comb, Sarah has a vision of the woman in the 1920s, seducing a man who has been missing for over 60 years.  But the woman appears to be in her 20s in both the present and in Sarah’s vision.  Richard suggests that Sarah might be seeing the woman’s grandmother.

Of course, the truth is a bit more complex.  The woman has been alive for centuries, surviving by wrapping her lovers in a cocoon and then feasting off their life force.  The woman is hoping to make Richard her next lover and Richard, being a bit of a sleazeball, is prepared to go along with it.  However, Sarah has a few tricks of her own….

This was an interesting and ambitious episode, one that attempted to tell a very complex story in just 21 minutes and on a very limited budget.  Unfortunately, the show didn’t really have the resources to do this particular story justice but it’s still hard not to admire the imagination involved.  Throughout the episode there are moments that work really well, like a sequence where Sarah has a vision of all of the different costumes that the woman has worn through the centuries.  The episode also ends with an entertaining little twist.  It’s effective, even if the scenes involving the actual spinning of the cocoon fall victim to the show’s low budget.

Billy Drago was a veteran screen bad guy, one who almost always cast as an evil henchman.  (In Brian De Palma’s The Untouchables, Kevin Costner memorably threw him off of a roof.)  This episode gives Drago a rare leading role, though Richard is just as amoral and sleazy as the characters for which Drago was best known.  Drago does a good job in the lead, playing Richard as being a not particularly smart guy who is undone by his own cockiness.  If nothing else, it’s impossible not to enjoy seeing him get his comeuppance.

Next week on Monsters …. Adrienne Barbeau dabbles in the magical arts!

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.2 and 4.3 “The Family Plan/The Promoter/May The Best Man Win/Forever Engaged/The Jurors”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, The Love Boat heads to the Virgin Islands in a special two-hour episode!

(For syndication purposes, this episode is technically listed as being two episodes.)

Episode 4.2 and 4.3 “The Family Plan/The Promoter/May The Best Man Win/Forever Engaged/The Jurors”

(Dir by Roger Duchowny, originally aired on November 1st, 1980)

One of the cool things about The Love Boat is that, at least once per season, the cast and crew would actually film on location on an actual cruise.  You can always spot these episodes by the fact that they’re usually two-hours long, there’s more passengers than usual, and the guest stars tend to spend more time on the upper deck than in their cabins.  It may not sound like much but there’s just something undeniably fun about seeing the actual ocean while the ship’s crew and the show’s guest stars go through the motions.  It’s a reminder that we live on a beautiful planet and we should all make the effort to go out and see some of it.

The fourth season’s location shoot followed the boat as it sailed from the Virgin Islands to Los Angeles, with stops in Curacao, Venezuela, and Panama.  Along with all of the usual romance and laughs, this episode is a bit of a travelogue as Gopher, Julie, and the Captain all take their turn telling the passengers about the history of where they are sailing.  Isaac even gets into the act, pointing out the Virgin Islands to Doc Bricker.  (Being the walking HR nightmare that he is, Bricker can’t hear that name without making a comment about it.)  For a history and travel nerd like me, that was enough to make this episode fun.

As for the storylines, it was typical Love Boat silliness.  Promoter Larry Evans (Darren McGavin) is promoting a contest in which 50 engages couples will be married by Captain Stubing in a mass wedding aboard the ship.  (It’s kind of like what happens in cults, now that I think about it.)  One lucky couple will win money, a house, and a car.  Larry boards the ship with his wife, Sheila (Debbie Reynolds) and it quickly becomes apparent that their marriage is struggling, despite the happy facade that Larry attempts to put up.  When Larry’s plan for a network television special falls through, he’s offered a bribe by one of the engaged couples.  When Sheila learns that Larry is considering taking the bribe, she announces that she wants a divorce and then starts spending a lot of time with Captain Stubing.  Again, Vicki gets her hopes up that she’ll soon have a stepmother.

Meanwhile, Carl Lawrence (Peter Graves) boards the ship to try to keep his son, Ted (Brian Kerwin), from rushing into a marriage with Carrie (Erin Moran).  Meanwhile, Carrie’s mother, Mary Ann (Kathie Browne), boards to keep Carrie from rushing into a marriage with Ted.  Carl and Mary Ann are eager to work together to keep this wedding from happening.  But then Carl and Mary Ann fall in love and start planning a rushed wedding of their own.  “Are we hypocrites?” Carl wonders.  Yes, you are.  But you’re also Peter Graves so you can pretty much do whatever you want.

Tom McMann (Ted Knight) and Mary Hubble (Rue McClanahan) have been engaged for ten years.  Mary fears that Tom won’t go actually go through with the wedding and Tom suddenly finds himself unable to say the words, “I do.”  Can Isaac help them out?

Marv Prine (Don Most), who previously sailed on last season’s Alaskan cruise, boards as the best man for the wedding of his friend Brian (Lloyd Alan) and Emily (Charlene Tilton).  However, Brian decides he’d rather run off with an old girlfriend and he leaves it to Marv to break the news to Emily.  Marv can’t bring himself to do it so he keeps making excuses and promising Emily that Brian will meet them at the next port.  Marv falls in love with Emily but suddenly, Brian shows up.  When he finds out that Marv didn’t tell Emily the truth about him standing her up, Brian decides to go ahead with the wedding.  Emily becomes convinced that Marv was trying to steal her away from Brian but then she finds a receipt from a cheap hotel and she realizes the truth.  “You’re not a man,” Julie tells Brian.  WAY TO GO, JULIE!

Finally, the Captain assigns Doc Bricker the task of judging the couples contest.  Doc thinks that it sounds tedious so he passes the job onto Gopher.  However, when Doc sees that the other two judges are Valerie (Dawn Wells) and Rena (Ann Jillian), he conspires to take Gopher’s place.  While docked at Curacao, Doc sends Gopher assure to pick up some medical supplies.  Gopher, of course, walks up to a cop and asks for help finding “the drugs.”  When the cop doesn’t understand, Gopher says, “I want to buy drugs.”  Long story short, Gopher ends up in jail and the ship sails off without him.

Wow, that’s a lot to deal with!  But don’t worry it all works out.

Gopher meets a Spanish diplomat’s daughter and is not only freed from jail but he also gets a girlfriend and a limo for his trouble.  When the ship docks in Los Angeles, Valerie and Rena abandon Doc so that they can take a ride in Gopher’s new limo.

Larry does not take the bribe and saves his marriage.

Everyone else gets married.

Yay!  A happy ending!  Except, of course, for Vicki, who thought she was going to get a stepmother.  But don’t worry, Vicki. There’s still 6 more seasons to go.

This was a fun episode.  It made me want to take a cruise.  Interestingly enough, this is also a prophetic episode.  A cruise for engaged couples in which one couple wins a big prize?  Today, there’s not a network around that would pass on that.

See?  The Love Boat knew exactly where America sailing.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Baywatch Nights 1.14 “Backup”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, a detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997.  The entire show is currently streaming on Youtube!

This week, Eddie Kramer returns!

Episode 1.14 “Backup”

(Dir by Charles Bail, originally aired on February 24th, 1996)

Visiting his former home for re-certification, former Baywatch lifeguard Eddie Kramer (Billy Warlock) is patrolling the ocean when he comes across a boat that’s on fire and sinking.  Two people on a dinghy yell that someone is still on the boat.  Eddie boards the boat and doesn’t see anyone.  The two people on the dingy continue to insist that someone is on the boat, even as Eddie dives off of it.

Along with Baywatch regular Newman (Michael Newman, the real-life model for Mitch Buchanan), Eddie searches the now sunken boat.  And, to his shock, he finds a dead man on the boat.  Eddie does a classic “Nooooooooo!” but, being underwater, no one can hear him.

With everyone blaming him for the accident, Eddie continues to insist that no one was alive on the boat when he first checked.  Eddie’s old friend and mentor, Mitch Buchanan, decides to investigate the case himself and he soon figures out the truth.  The dead man did drown but he was already dead by the time the boat sank!  But who wanted to kill him?

It’s actually not much of a mystery as there are only two suspects and it is established early on that they’re working together.  In fact, they talk about how they committed the murder before Mitch even figures out that it was a murder so say goodbye to any suspense.  The truth of the matter is that the storyline was less about the mystery and more about trying to boost the ratings by reminding everyone that this was a Baywatch show.  It might have been more effective if the show had made use of a top-tier Baywatch co-star (David Charvet, Pamela Anderson) as opposed to bringing back Billy Warlock, who hadn’t been on the show for a few seasons before his guest turn here.  But then again, bringing on a “current” co-star would have begged the question of “Why do we need a new show to watch a story from the old show?”

There’s a second storyline, in which a man (Barry Pearl) is concerned that his mistress (Valerie Wildman) has hired a hitman to kill him.  Garner, Ryan, and Lou all stakeout the mistress and discover that she doesn’t actually want to go through with the plot and that her original plan was to kill the man’s wife.  The man is so overjoyed to discover that his mistress wanted to kill his wife that he literally jumps for joy.  This was a weird storyline but at least it featured the characters doing real detective work for once.

This was a breezy and entertainingly dumb episode.  This is perhaps the first episode to feature every member of the main cast doing something and there was a nice feeling of comradery amongst the regulars.  That said, the episode ended with Mitch pointing out that they had solved all the cases and then asking, “What do we do now?”  Uhmm …. how about you go to your other job, Mitch?

Seriously, I don’t know how Mitch balances everything.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 4.13 “The Man From Yesterday/World’s Most Desirable Woman”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on Daily Motion.

This week, the Island is full of damn liars.

Episode 4.13 “The Man From Yesterday/World’s Most Desirable Woman”

(Dir by Robert C. Thompson, originally aired on January 31st, 1981)

Bill Keating (Martin Milner) is a photojournalist who has reported from some of the most war-torn areas of the world.  He has spent years searching for a notorious mercenary named Calvin Doyle (Dennis Cole) and he believes that he has finally tracked Doyle down to Fantasy Island.  Bill swears to Mr. Roarke that his fantasy is to only do an interview with Doyle.

Of course, Bill’s lying.  Once Bill tracks down Doyle and discovers that Doyle has not only renounced his previous ways but is also the foster father of three native children, Bill reveals that his true fantasy is to shoot Doyle and get revenge for all the terrible things that Doyle did during his former life.

Marsha (Barbi Benton) is a frumpy, 39 year-old woman who says that she just wants to know what it’s like to be young and beautiful for a weekend.  Maybe she could even enter and win The World’s Most Desirable Woman pageant that’s being held on Fantasy Island.  Mr. Roarke and Tattoo take Marsha to the Island’s fountain of youth.  Marsha enters the fountain as a 39 year-old wearing a modest one-piece bathing suit.  She steps out of the fountain as a 21 year-old wearing a bikini.

Of course, Marsha isn’t being totally honest about her motives.  She is married to Hal Garnett (Bert Convy), the owner of Erotic Magazine and the sponsor of the pageant!  Her fantasy is to get revenge on Hal for all the years in which he’s neglected her for the younger women who appear in his magazine.

Two fantasies, two liars.  Mr. Roarke is fairly busy this week, showing up frequently in both fantasies (and even singing at the Most Desirable Woman pageant).  Mr. Roarke warns Marsha that she is getting too caught up in her newdound beauty.  Mr. Roarke also warns Calvin that Bill Keating wants to kill him.  Roarke allows Keating to take his shot at Calvin but he also arranges for the confrontation to happen on a rickety bridge so that the wounded Calvin can escape into the water below.  It’s interesting to see Roarke getting involved for once and Ricardo Montalban knew exactly how to deliver the character’s occasionally ominous lines.  Still, you have to wonder why he let these two liars on the Island on the first place.  Usually, he has pretty firm rules about stuff like this.  What if the bridge hadn’t broken and Doyle had died?  Mr. Roarke would look pretty dumb.

Fortunately, it all works out.  Having faked his own death, Doyle is able to leave the Island with his children.  And Marsha is informed that she will not go back to being 39 at the end of the weekend but will instead remain 21 and just age naturally.  Hal freaks out, realizing that men are going to be chasing his wife.  Roarke tells him that he better be good to her.

(Of course, Tattoo later takes a picture of Marsha and is shocked to see that picture is of the old Marsha, suggesting that the young Marsha is just an illusion that only Marsha, Hal, and I guess Tattoo can see.  It’s weird.)

Barbi Benton and Dennis Cole were regular guests to Fantasy Island and they both do well with their roles.  All of the lying felt a bit out-of-place for this show but at least Roarke got to be an active force in both fantasies.  All in all, this was a good trip to the Island.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: CHiPs 1.14 “Rustling”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!

This week, CHiPs makes me cry!

Episode 1.14 “Rustling”

(Dir by Phil Bondelli, originally aired on January 12th, 1978)

This week’s episode of CHiPs featured a scene that brought tears to my mismatched eyes.

A drunk driver (played by G.W. Bailey) swerves across the highway and causes another car to flip over.  While Ponch chases after the driver, Baker goes to investigate the crash.  He discovers that the car’s driver is a 17 year-old girl named Susie (Pamelyn Ferdin) and she has been pinned under the wreckage.  He manages to free her and carry her away from the car before it explodes.  YAY!  Another life saved by Jon Baker, right?

That’s when Susie says that she can’t feel her legs.

That scene got to me.  It was far more well-acted than anything that I think one would normally expect to find on a episode of CHiPs, with both Ferdin and Larry Wilcox bringing a lot of emotional sincerity to their roles.  Susie realizes that she may never walk again.  Baker realizes that, just because he saved her from the car, he can’t save Susie from the other consequences of the accident.  I wanted to cry.  Actually, I did cry.

Now, I should admit that I’m recovering from a sprained ankle and I was doing my ankle exercises while watching this scene.  So, not only did I already have tears in my eyes (seriously, some of those exercises hurt!) but I was also feeling pretty emotional.  But still, even if I was just watching this scene while sitting on a couch, I think it would have had the same effect on me.

Of course, for the record, Ponch does capture the drunk driver (and the driver starts to sob when he realizes what he has done).  And, by the end of the episode, Baker is informed that Susie is going to be okay.  I was happy about that.

Excuse me, I’m starting to cry again….

Okay, believe it or not, that was only a small part of the episode.  The main storyline featured the great L.Q. Jones as a cattle rustler who, when he’s not driving his truck full of stolen cattle, rides a motorcycle.  Fortunately, after a lengthy chase, Baker and Ponch are able to capture him and his accomplice (Paul Tuerpe).  It was a pretty simple story but, at the same time, L.Q. Jones was one of those brilliant character actors who make even the most mundane of characters interesting.

Also, over the course of the episode, Ponch and Baker deal with an irate driver (Mill Watson) who claims that he was only speeding because his gear shift failed.  In court, Ponch is able to prove that the gear shift didn’t break by pointing out that the brake lights would have come on in that case.  (“Your honor,” the defense attorney says, “my client would like to change his plea to guilty.”)  Ponch and Baker also stop a magician and his assistant and are so fascinated by the magician’s tricks that they nearly forget to write his assistant a ticket.

Finally, Ponch arranges for everyone to meet at Baker’s apartment to throw him a surprise birthday party.  Whoops!  Baker’s birthday isn’t for another three months.  Ponch looked at Baker’s personnel file and misread his employment number as being his birthdate.  Oh, Ponch!  Still, the party is a success.  Getraer shows up with zucchini.  The magician shows up and performs a trick that involves tossing milk on Ponch and Baker.  What?  Well, whatever.

What’s important is that one scene that brought tears my eyes.  The rest of the episode may have been generic but that one scene was beautifully done and I’ll never forget it.