Judging from twitter, a lot of people are either outraged or pretending to be outraged about the upcoming film Songbird. Songbird imagines a 2024 in which continued COVID lockdowns have transformed the world into a Hellish dystopia.
Speaking for myself, it sounds like the film is just being honest about how a lot of people are feeling right now. If nothing else, a film like can be cathartic for people who are feeling worried. Too often, when there’s a crisis, people are shamed for having doubts. They’re ordered to forget about their fears and just trust the powers that be. Unfortunately, when the powers that be have consistently shown themselves to be a bunch of out-of-touch elitists, it’s hard to take much comfort in them. Certainly, when your leaders are saying, “You’re going to be locked down and if you complain, you’re going to be punished,” films like this seems like an inevitable by-product of a year’s worth of resentment.
For tonight’s episode of Freakylinks, we have a little something called Still I Rise. It has a zombie theme to it. Towards the end of the episode, Ethan Embry goes a little crazy. (Far crazier then he went on Rex Manning Day….)
(C’mon, you know I was going to have to work in a reference to Rex Manning Day eventually.)
This episode originally aired on January 12th, 2001. And you can watch it below!
This 1986 film tells the story of what happens when one local mall decides that it’s had enough of thievery and vandalism.
First off, automatic locks and shutters are installed. What that means is that, at a certain hour, anyone who is inside the mall is going to be trapped there until the morning. Secondly, three robots are used as a security force. They’re called Protectors and they roll around, looking for thieves and keeping people safe. Don’t worry about getting mistaken for a thief, of course. As long as you’ve got a badge, the protector will just say, “Thank you and have a good day.”
It all seems perfect but …. what if the robots malfunction? What if they ignore the badges and just start killing anyone unlucky enough to be trapped in the mall for the night? Surely, that could never happen, right?
Of course, it does happen. Thanks to a freak electrical storm, the Protectors come to life and set out to keep the mall safe from intruders. First, they kill the technicians that are supposed to keeping a watch over them. Then, they kill a janitor named Walter Paisley (played, of course, by Dick Miller). Then, they set off after the six attractive people who were having a sleep-over in one of the stores.
So, what did I learn from Chopping Mall?
Well, I was tempted to say that I learned not to shoplift but actually, no one in the movie gets in trouble for shoplifting. I guess the main thing I learned is not to walk around the mall in my underwear because that definitely seems to be something that will cause the Protectors to blow up your head.
I also learned that, if you’re tapped in the mall with a bunch of killer robots, the best place to go is the sporting goods store because that store not only has a lot of automatic rifles but also an unlimited supply of ammunition. Of course, I already learned that from Dawn of the Dead but it’s always good to be reminded….
Anyway, Chopping Mall is a lot of fun. It’s undeniably dated. Just the fact that everyone’s life revolves around a mall tells you just how dated it is. I guess if they made the film now, it would have to take place at an Ikea store or maybe an Amazon warehouse. But the fact that the film is dated is a part of what makes it so much fun to watch. Seriously, it’s amazing all of the stuff that apparently used to go on at the local mall in the 80s.
Despite the fact that they have a bad habit of killing people, the Protectors are actually kind of cute. If nothing else, they’re unfailingly polite. You have to love the fact that they’ll wish you a nice day even after they’ve killed you. Surprisingly enough, the humans are just as likable as the Protectors. For a film about killer robots, Chopping Mall is surprisingly well-acted by a likable cast. Russell Todd, who was the best-looking man to ever be killed by Jason Voorhees, is in this film and he’s as broodingly handsome here as he was in Friday the 13th Part II.
Chopping Mall is a good mix of humor and thrills and robots and exploding heads and Dick Miller. This is 80s mall horror at its best!
Detective Sam Deitz (Leo Rossi) is back and somehow, his life is even more crappy than before.
Detective Deitz is still an intense New Yorker struggling to fit in with the laid back California lifestyle. Watching a Relentless film, you would think that it’s a crime to be laid back in New York. After three films, Deitz should no longer be as much of a fish out of water as he is in Relentless 3.
Deitz is now divorced and he hardly ever sees his son. That bothers him but also means that there aren’t anymore arguments between Deitz and his wife about him bringing his work home. Deitz is now out on the dating scene. The movie spends a lot of time on scenes of Deitz trying to pick up women. It’s not easy because he’s an intense New Yorker and they’re all laid back California girls. He eventually meets and falls for Paula (Signy Coleman).
Meanwhile, there’s a new serial killer on the scene. Walter (William Forsythe) lives with a mentally unstable woman and is always bragging about how he’s a star. He picks up women in bars, take them home, kills them, and then has sex with their dead bodies before eventually dumping them around Los Angeles. Even though Deitz no longer wants to chase serial killers, he agrees to serve as a consultant. When Walter finds out that the famous Sam Deitz is working the case, he decides to make it personal. Being a “star,” Walter wants to compete with the best.
Relentless 3 gets off to a good start but it runs out of gas quickly. William Forsythe is an effective villain and some of the early scenes of him picking up women are suspenseful. Also, there’s an effective scene where Walter mails Deitz a patch of tattooed skin and proves, as if there was any doubt, that Walter was one sick puppy. But the movie, which should be a relentless cat-and-mouse game between Deitz and Walter, gets sidetracked with all of the scenes of Deitz trying to get back into the dating scene. For all the build-up, the final confrontation between Deitz and Walter feels like a let down. This Relentless film just isn’t relentless enough.
Leo Rossi still does a good job as Deitz but it seems like we learned as much as we need to know about the character during the first two Relentless films and nothing that Deitz does surprises us anymore. Despite good performances from Rossi and Forsythe, Relentless 3 never comes together.
First introduced in 1961 and originally known as Dr. Droom (his name was changed to prevent anyone from mixing him up with Dr. Doom), Anthony Ludgate Druid was a magic user who hunted monsters and who had studied the mystic arts with a Tibetan lama. Later, the lama was retconned into the Ancient One and it was said that Dr. Druid was the runner-up for the position of Sorcerer Supreme. This was a way of acknowledging an obvious truth, that Dr. Druid was an unsuccessful dry run for Dr. Strange.
With Dr. Druid’s monster hunting activities never becoming popular with readers, he was eventually just used as a host for Weird Wonder Tales, a series that reprinted old monster comics from the 50s. One look at Dr. Druid at this time shows why he was never able to seriously challenge Doctor Strange for the role of Marvel’s most popular sorcerer.
Eventually, Dr. Druid did enter the mainstream Marvel universe. He joined the Avengers and distinguished himself by getting himself elected Avengers chairman while possessed by a villainous and then disbanding the team. Even after Dr. Druid got his mind back, no one wanted much to do with him and he faded into obscurity.
He remained forgotten until 1995. That was when he was resurrected for a series that lasted for four issues. To this day, there’s debate over whether the series was meant to be a miniseries or a continuing series. What everyone can agree on is that Warren Ellis radically challenged what everyone though they knew about Dr. Druid.
Now, heavily tattooed and simply calling himself Druid, the former hero was an embittered alcoholic who embraced the dark side of his powers. For four issues, Druid roamed through London and killed almost everyone who he met. Druid was a dark and brutal series and it’s probably not surprising that it only lasted four issues.
The final issue featured Druid doing his usual killing and destroying until, in the final pages of the issue, Daimon Hellstrom suddenly appeared and announced, to Druid: “You’re a lunatic, a religious maniac, a bad idea. You should have been stamped on at birth. And, in the end, you’re a failure.” Hellstrom proceeded to burn Druid to a crisp and what I’ve always remembered about that issue were the final lines announcing that Druid’s corpse was left in a trash can.
When you’re a kid just reading a comic book, that’s some pretty heavy stuff! Those last moments of Druid have always stuck with me. I’ve always felt bad for Dr. Druid. He went from being a failed Sorcerer Supreme to a failed Avenger to eventually getting tossed in a trash can. He’s also one of the few Marvel characters not to return from the dead. He’s gone, never to return. He probably won’t even get to appear in a movie.
Alas, poor Druid. He was the Rodney Dangerfield of second-tier Marvel heroes. He never got any respect. No respect at all.
In this YA novel from 1996, Brady Karlin is one of the most popular boys at school. Everyone knows him. Everyone likes him. He’s got a likable best friend named Jon. He’s got a beautiful and popular girlfriend named Allie. The only problem that Brady has is that he’s still haunted by the death of his former girlfriend, Sharon Noles.
And really, he should be haunted considering that it was all his fault! Sharon told him that she wasn’t ready to go sledding down that hill lat summer. Brady, however, insisted and Sharon went hurtling down the hill and eventually ended up dead and without a face. Honestly, I don’t care how good-looking or charming you are. If your last girlfriend lost her face because of your stupidity, you’re simply not going to be attractive to me. Sorry.
Anyway, it’s winter again and Brady is already thinking about ending things with Allie. There’s only so many basketball games and pizza parties that he can go to. However, instead of just breaking up with Allie, Brady instead starts to secretly a date a new girl named Rosha Nelson. Brady soon finds himself growing obsessed with the mysterious Rosha, who refuses to tell him anything about her past and who seems to really have a talent for getting Brady involved in dangerous, potentially life-threatening situations.
Meanwhile, there’s a mysterious “scarred girl” following Brady and Rosha around. Soon, people are mysteriously dying and the entire books leads to a climatic fight in which bodies are literally dismembered!
So, I liked The Perfect Date. It was as grotesque and morbid as a Christopher Pike book without any of the pretentious philosophizing that occasionally turns up in Pike’s work. While Rosha’s secret is pretty easy to figure out, Stine deserves a lot of credit for following the story to it’s natural conclusion. The book ends with a scene so weird that I had to read it twice. Really, what more can you ask for?
All in all, this book made me happy that I live in Texas. No snow equals no tragic sled accidents. This book made me appreciate our 60-degree winters.
In this short film from 1958, the high school press club is thrown into chaos when their faculty sponsor selects Ben Curtis to be the editor-in-chief of the school paper.
Bob Stevens can’t believe it, because Ben doesn’t have an outgoing personality and he doesn’t come from a rich family. Ben, himself, is shocked because he feels like all of the other students are snobs who have no interest in being friendly. But the teacher sees something in Ben.
Can everyone learn to understand each other and put out a worthy school paper? Luckily, there’s a narrator present to encourage everyone to set aside their differences and …. understand. Just in case we miss the film’s message, the same event is shown to us three separate times from three different points of view.
This film was directed by Herk Harvey. Harvey directed a ton of educational films in the 50s and 60s. However, he’s best known for directing one of the most important horror films of all time, Carnival of Souls! I’ll be sharing Carnival of Souls tomorrow. For now, try to understand others.
Through the Shattered Lens 