Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 3.6 “The Hole”

Posted on January 22, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

This week, Monsters goes to Vietnam.

Episode 3.6 “The Hole”

(Dir by David Severeid, originally aired on November 4th, 1990)

At the height of the Vietnam War, two U.S. Marines and their guide stumble upon a hole in the middle of a deserted village. Lowering themselves into the hole, they find a complex maze of tunnels. The Viet Cong dug the tunnels so that they could move and smuggle weapons without being seen by their enemies. But as the guide (played by Glenn Kubota) explains it, they dug their tunnels so deep that they awakened a far more evil power.

More evil than communism? This is a scary episode!

Soon, Sgt. Kenner (Ahmad Rashad) and Corporal Torres (Antone Pagan) find themselves being pursued through the tunnels by zombies. Kenner is determined to fight and destroy as many of the undead as possible. Torres just wants to get out of the tunnels. But it turns out that finding their way out is not as easy as Kenner and Torres assumed it would be. And the men are definitely at a disadvantage because the zombies know the maze. The maze is their home.

This episode is surprisingly straight-forward. There aren’t any huge twists or anything of that sort. Three men enter a tunnel system and find themselves being pursued by zombies. The underground maze of tunnels is properly atmospheric location and I did jump a few times when the zombies suddenly appeared coming around a corner. The zombie makeup was well-done and this episode was a bit gorier than the average episode of Monsters. The special effects brought to mind the grotesque imagery of the Italian zombie films. This episode owed quite a bit to the legacy of Lucio Fulci.

That said, I do wish the episode had been a bit more surprising. It was so straight-forward that it actually become a bit predictable. I’ve seen enough George Romero films to know exactly what was going to happen to each person who entered the maze. The episode was brutally effective but it’s still hard not to feel that the plot needed an unexpected twist that just didn’t come. In fact, as I watched the episode, I found myself thinking about how a film like Cannibal Apocalypse managed to make a powerful statement about the horror of war by portraying Vietnam vets who had been infected by the cannibal virus while serving in the conflict. I also thought about how Fulci, at his best, crafted zombie films that reminded us of just how fragile the human body actually is. There wasn’t much subtext to found in The Hole and that’s a shame because often the most interesting thing about a zombie story is the subtext.

Still, the episode worked in its own crude way. The undead are frightening, no matter where they appear.

The Films of 2025: The Calendar Killer (dir by Adolfo J. Kolmerer)

Posted on January 22, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Germany is living in a state of terror. A serial killer known as The Calendar Killer has been brutally murdering people across the country. The killer leaves the date of the murder on the wall, written in his victim’s blood. His victims are given the choice between killing their husband or being killed themselves. Hey, Calendar Kill — not everyone’s a murderer, okay!? Seriously, what a jerk.

(As a sidenote, who knew that Saw was popular enough to inspire a copycat in Germany? Cinema truly is the international art form.)

A few days ago, Klara (Luise Heyer) woke to a terrifying message on a wall, telling her that either she or husband would die on December 6th. Now, it’s December 6th and Klara is walking home at night. She calls a helpline for women who are outside and alone at night. Jules (Sabin Tambrea) answers. Even though Jules is soft-spoken and careful to choose his words with sensitivity, Klara is hesitant to tell her about either the Calendar Killer or her husband. When Jules finally coaxes the details out of her, she reveals that she is married to Martin (Friedrich Mucke). Martin is an prominent politician but he’s an abusive husband, one who forced Klara to take part in a humiliating orgy that was apparently inspired by watching Eyes Wide Shut one too many times.

(Saw and Eyes Wide Shut, we now know what’s inspiring the Germans.)

Klara is not only fleeing the Calendar Killer but her husband as well. When she attempts to commit suicide, Jules begs her to live and to keep fighting. Jules talks about his own tragic past, about how his wife committed suicide and he lost a child in a fire that broke out the same night. Even though Jules is not supposed to leave his apartment and is having quite a few personal issues of his own, he sets out to find Klara.

The Calendar Killer gets off to a good start but it goes off the rails as it progresses. There’s a few too many coincidences and the big twist is one that you will see coming from miles away. The problem with the twist isn’t that it’s predictable as much as it’s one that makes less and less sense the more that you think about it. It makes you realize just how implausible the whole Calendar Killer thing is. There are a few genuinely creepy scenes and Luise Heyer is a sympathetic heroine but, in the end, the film is never as thought-provoking or emotionally moving as it presents itself as being. The film attempts to end on a note of empowerment but it doesn’t quite feel earned. If the film had fully embraced its grindhouse potential, it would have been an entertaining B-movie with a worthy message. Instead, it strikes an uneasy balance between being a bloody horror film and being a message film and, as a result, it really doesn’t feel like it truly commits to either.

It’s a shame. The film definitely had potential but, in the end, it just doesn’t come together.

Live Tweet Alert: Watch Mortuary With #ScarySocial!

Posted on January 18, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in a few weekly live tweets on twitter. I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie! Every week, we get together. We watch a movie. We tweet our way through it.

Tonight, for #ScarySocial, I will be hosting 1982’s Mortuary, starring Bill Paxton!

If you want to join us on Saturday night, just hop onto twitter, start the film at 9 pm et, and use the #ScarySocial hashtag! The film is available on Prime and Tubi! I’ll be there co-hosting and I imagine some other members of the TSL Crew will be there as well. It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th 2.24 “The Shaman’s Apprentice”

Posted on January 17, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The entire series can be found on YouTube!

This week, Micki is faced with a moral dilemma.

Episode 2.24 “The Shaman’s Apprentice”

(Dir by William Fruet, originally aired on May 29th, 1989)

Micki’s friend, Blair (Isabelle Mejias) is in the hospital. She’s been having serious chest pains and, as Micki puts it, she’s too young to be suffering from them. Blair finds out that she has a sarcoma and the doctors are not giving her much chance to live. Dr. Lamar (James B. Douglas), the arrogant head of surgery at the local hospital, doesn’t seem to really care whether Blair lives or dies. All he cares about is taking care of the wealthy patients who might be moved to donate some of their money to the hospital.

However, Blair has found a reason for hope. There is a Native American doctor named John Whitecloud (Paul Sanchez). He has his own clinic, one that is funded by a rich man who Dr. Lamar said couldn’t be saved. Dr. Lamar hates Whitecloud, largely because Lamar is a racist who views Whitecloud’s “shamanistic” techniques with scorn. However, Whitecloud appears to be capable of saving anyone. Of course, the doctors and the nurses who have failed to treat Whitecloud with respect have a habit of mysteriously dying, usually right before Whitecloud manages to save a terminal patient.

Whitecloud does indeed have an objects that Jack and Ryan are interested in retrieving. It’s not a cursed antique. Instead, it’s a rattle that Whitecloud stole from his grandfather, Spotted Owl (Gordon Tootoosis). Whitecloud is using the rattle to cure his patients but, for every cure, he also has to use it to kill someone else. Whitecloud even uses it to kill Spotted Owl, though Whitecloud seems to feel bad about doing it. When Jack realizes that Whitecloud’s next target is going to be Dr. Lamar, he and Ryan are determined to stop him….

….except, as Micki points out, stopping Whitecloud will mean that her friend Blair will die. Why, Micki wonders, should Lamar get to live while Blair dies? Micki argues that they should at least let Whitecloud cure Blair but Jack gently explains that it doesn’t work that way. Jack says that their job is not to play God.

Long story short: The spirit of Spotted Owl shows up to drag Whitecloud into the afterlife. Jack gives the rattle back to the tribe, despite Ryan feeling that it should be in the vault. (“It’s not ours to take,” Jack explains in that reasonable and reassuring way of his.) Micki is angry and depressed that Blair is probably going to die. Blair stands on a street corner and stares at Whitecloud’s now empty clinic. Roll the end credits!

Wow, that was depressing! But it was really the only way the episode could end and I respect the fact that the show had the courage and the integrity to stay true to itself and end on such a down note. Not many shows would have had the courage to resist coming up with some sudden, miracle solution. This episode had some really cheap looking special effects and some not-so-great acting from some of the guest stars but Chris Wiggins, Robey, and John D. LeMay were as strong as always. This episode was especially an effective showcase for Chris Wiggins, who played Jack with just the right amount of weary gravitas. This was a depressing episode but it was a good one.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 3.5 “Outpost”

Posted on January 15, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I have a cold and a slight fever so tonight’s review is going to be a short one.

Episode 3.5 “Outpost”

(Dir by T.K. Hudson, originally aired on October 28th. 1990)

In the far future, a space mining company is transforming terminally ill people into cyborg mutants and sending them to work on inhospitable planets in return for keeping them alive. Cara (Juliet Mills), a representative of the company, is sent to one of the outposts to discover why the horribly disfigured Sebastian (Tony Fields) is no longer doing his job.

Separated by a layer of glass, Sebastian and Cara have a 19-minute conversation. Cara is rude and condescending and makes it clear that she has zero concern for the well-being of Sebastian. This is perhaps as bitchy as the world will ever see a Mills sister act, which is really saying something when you consider some of the Saved By The Bell episodes in which Hayley Mills played Miss Bliss. Sebastian has been hearing voices and is tempted to just wander across the alien landscape until he dies. Why should he spent the rest of eternity miserable and alone.

Cara gets annoyed. She says that work is important. Why, when her husband was ill and dying, she didn’t even bother to take off from her job to visit him. He died while she was away or, at least, that’s what the company told her….

Can you see where this is going?

This episode benefitted from the performances of Juliet Mills and Tony Fields but the story was extremely predictable. The dialogue was definitely a bit more intelligent than we’ve seen in previous episodes of Monsters and I respected the episode’s ambition but, in the end, the story dragged a bit and the big twist was easily guessed. This was not a terrible episode but it wasn’t particularly memorable either.

Live Tweet Alert: Join #ScarySocial for Abigail!

Posted on January 11, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Tonight, at 9 pm et, Deanna Dawn will be hosting #ScarySocial! The movie? 2024’s Abigail!

If you want to join us this Friday, just hop onto twitter, start the movie at 9 pm et, and use the #ScarySocial hashtag! I’ll be there tweeting and I imagine some other members of the TSL Crew will be there as well. It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.

Abigail is available on Prime!

See you there!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 2.23 “The Maestro”

Posted on January 10, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, it’s personal for Jack!

Episode 2.23 “The Maestro”

(Dir by Timothy Bond, originally aired on May 22nd, 1989)

Famed choreographer Anton Pascola (Colm Feore) is fond of saying that great art requires pain and he would know. A former dancer, Anton was injured in an accident and now walks with a pronounced limp. He has devoted his life to choreography and he has a small company of dancers who are devoted to him, despite his fearsome temper. Because Anton’s dancers tend to be accident prone and also suicide-prone, there are frequent openings in his company.

Pascola’s newest dancer is Grace Cowell (Cynthia Preston). Grace is young and naive and she thinks her dreams are about to come true. She is also the daughter of one of Jack’s best friends. When she takes Jack, Ryan, and Micki to a Pascola-choreographed performance of Romeo and Juliet, they are shocked to hear that the lead actors recently leapt out of a window together. When Jack discovers that one of the cursed antiques is a Victorian music box that plays an amazing symphony but also forces the listeners to dance until they die, he realizes that Grace is in danger.

For all the time that they spend searching for cursed antiques, it’s amazing how often Jack, Ryan, and Micki just happen to stumble across one being used by someone they know. I understand, of course, that it’s meant to add an extra personal element to their adventures. Trying to save the daughter of his (never-seen) best friend adds something to the story that wouldn’t be there if Jack was trying to save someone he wasn’t personally close to. But, at times, the way that this show depends on coincidence can get to be a bit much.

That said, Jack’s personal connection to this week’s antique does lead to one of the show’s most devastating endings. Proving that he practices what he preaches, Anton dances to the music box’s symphony while an audience watches. He dances until he dies. Unfortunately, Grace is dancing with him and she dies as well. This is not the first time that someone close to the main characters has died on this show. What makes this episode unique is Jack’s reaction. Jack has always been the wise father figure who helps to keep Micki and Ryan strong. But when Grace dies, Jack has a breakdown. He goes from obsessively trying to clean Grace’s blood off the music box to throwing antiques across the shop. For once, it’s Micki and Ryan who have to calm down the distraught Jack.

The episode has more than a few plot holes and Grace’s actions often don’t make sense. Even after she discovers that Pascola is killing his dancers, she still wants to work with him. The implication is that she’s been brainwashed by his claims that art requires pain but there’s a difference between pushing yourself and killing yourself. If Grace had previously acted like someone who had a death wish, the episode would not only make more sense but it would actually be a good deal more interesting. That said, as someone who grew up going to dance classes and rehearsing and performing, I’ve certainly known my share of Anton Pascolas. This was an episode to which I could relate.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 3.4 “Cellmates”

Posted on January 8, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s Rex Manning Day on Monsters!

Episode 3.4 “Cellmates”

(Dir by Stephen Tolkin, originally aired on October 21st, 1990)

Timothy Danforth (Maxwell Caulfield) is a rich American kid who has gotten in trouble while visiting Mexico. He was arrested after hitting a kid with his car and then punching out the kid’s father, who just happened to be a cop. After Danforth was arrested, the cops looked inside his car and found a lot of drugs. Convinced (perhaps correctly) that Danforth is a drug dealer and a smuggler, the cops promptly toss him into a filthy jail cell.

The cocky Danforth is convinced that his father will soon free him from the prison. However, in the next cell, an old man (Ferdy Mayne) says that Danforth has been tossed into a special cell. It’s a cell that is reserved for the worst of the worst. The Old Man says that no one ever leaves the cell. At first, Danforth laughs off the old man’s claims but, at night, the Old Man dissolves into a puddle of liquid that enters Danforth’s cells and attempts to attack him. Danforth survives but when he tells his lawyer and his jailers about what happened, the authorities respond by chaining Danforth to a wall, leaving Danforth at the mercy of the Old Man.

It’s a pretty good thing that Danforth is such an unlikable and downright loathsome character because, otherwise, this would be a really disturbing episode. Instead, Danforth is a stereotypical rich kid who thinks that he can get away with anything and that the rules don’t apply to him. He shows no remorse about having hit a kid with his car. He’s cocky and arrogant from the minute we see him. He’s exactly the kind of guy who gives Americans abroad a bad name. In the end, it’s hard not to feel that he really doesn’t have anyone but himself to blame for his predicament. He’s a victim of his own very bad choices and he’s so confident that he’s untouchable that his final fate feels like karma.

This is a pretty simple episode. A bad guy falls victims to his own stupidity. There’s nothing likable about Timothy Danforth, though Maxwell Caulfield certainly does a good job in the role. Caulfield plays Danforth as being an incredibly spoiled brat, someone who has never been held responsible for his actions and who can’t believe that he’s actually in real trouble. Surprisingly, Caulfield almost gets you to feel sorry for Danforth at the end of the episode. Danforth really had no idea what he was getting himself involved with. That said, in the end, bad decisions are bad decisions and Danforth has no one to blame but himself.

This was an effective episode, with a lot of atmosphere and a good performance from Maxwell Caulfield. So far, Season 3 of Monsters is off to a good start.

Live Tweet Alert: Join #ScarySocial for Twilight Zone: The Movie!

Posted on January 4, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Tonight, at 9 pm et, Tim Buntley will be hosting #ScarySocial! The movie? Twilight Zone: The Movie!

Twilight Zone: The Movie is available on Prime!

See you there

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday The 13th 2.22 “Wedding Bell Blues”

Posted on January 3, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, we meet Johnny Ventura!

Episode 2.22 “Wedding Bell Blues”

(Dir by Jorge Montesi, originally aired on May 15th, 1989)

With Ryan and Jack out of town, it falls to Micki to retrieve a cursed pool cue stick. Helping her out, despite all of her attempts to convince him to get lost, is Johnny Ventura (Steve Monarque), a friend of Ryan’s who Ryan hired to help search for the cue stick. Even after Johnny finds out that the item has been cursed by Satan and Micki’s entire life currently revolves around supernatural violence, Johnny wants to not only help out but to also stick around, just because he likes Micki. Micki might want to tell him about all of her previous boyfriends who have all died as a result of getting involved in the search for cursed antiques.

I understand that Johnny is going to eventually replace Ryan on the show, starting with the third season. This episode isn’t particularly subtle about setting Johnny up as a Ryan substitute, though Johnny’s crush on Micki is a bit less cringey than Ryan’s. (Ryan is Micki’s cousin, which is something that the show often seems to overlook.) Johnny is established as being a cocky guy who is willing to break the rules. In other words, he’s just like every other guy who has ever been a lead character on a show like this. One of the stranger things about Johnny is that everyone keeps referring to him as being a “kid,” even though he looks like he’s older than just about everyone else on the show.

As for the cursed pool cue, it belongs to Jennifer (Elizabeth Maclellan), a waitress at a seedy bar. She wants to marry Danny (Louis Ferreira), a self-centered pool player who treats her terribly. Jennifer is convinced that Danny is just worried about winning the upcoming pool tournament so she impales people with the cursed pool cue. Each time Jennifer kills someone, the next game that Danny plays is his best ever. Jennifer is slightly sympathetic because she’s convinced that Danny will marry her right after he wins the tournament and she’s too insecure to see what a cad he is. (She’s also pregnant, though Danny doesn’t know it.) When Jennifer’s sister (played, in a very early role, by Lolita Davidovich) says that Danny is never going to marry her, Jennifer refuses to believe it. When Jennifer discovers that her sister is sleeping with Danny, Jennifer has found her next victim.

It’s really not that interesting of a curse but then again, this episode is more concerned with introducing the character of Johnny Ventura than with anything else. Unfortunately, at least in this episode, Johnny really isn’t that compelling of a character. This was a bit of a disappointing episode but who knows? Maybe Johnny Ventura will grow on me.

Next week, Micki and Ryan go to the ballet! Yay!