When Machine Gun Met Al: Gangster Land (2017, directed by Timothy Woodward, Jr.)


Chicago in the 1920s.  Booze may be illegal but that’s not keeping people from drinking and gangsters from making a killing.  When an amateur boxer named Jack McGurn (Sean Faris) joins the mob, he befriend an up-and-coming criminal named Al Capone (Milo Gibson).  While Capone rises through the ranks, McGurn is always by his side, usually firing a tommy gun.  When Capone finally becomes the boss of Chicago, McGurn becomes his second-in-command and a leading strategist in the war against Capone’s rival, George “Bugs” Moran (Peter Facinelli).

If you’re looking for a historically accurate film about 1920s Chicago, look elsewhere.  Today, “Machine Gun” McGurn is best known for being the mastermind behind the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre (which, of course, is recreated in Gangster Land) but it’s doubtful that he was ever Capone’s second-in-command.  Famed Capone associates like Frank Nitti, Gus Alex, and Murray Humphreys are nowhere to be found in Gangster Land, nor is Eliot Ness.  Instead Jason Patric plays the righteous and fictional Detective Reed.

What the film lacks in historical accuracy, it makes up for in gangster action.  There’s enough tommy gun action, car chases, and showgirls to keep most gangster film aficionados happy.  All of the usual Capone stuff is recreated: Johnny Torrio is assassinated, Dion O’Bannon is killed in his flower shop, and the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre scandalizes the nation.  Though the film never displays anything more than a Wikipedia-level understanding of the prohibition era and there’s not a single gangster cliché that isn’t used, Gangster Land is briskly paced and makes good use of its low-budget.  Sean Faris is stiff as McGurn but Milo Gibson (son of Mel) is better than you might expect as Al Capone and the underrated Jason Patric makes the most of his limited screen time.  Fans of The Sopranos may want to watch for the chance to see Meadow herself, Jamie-Lynn Sigler, as McGurn’s showgirl wife.

Review: Predator (dir. John McTiernan)


Predator 1987

It would be accurate for one to say that Arnold Schwarzenegger was king of the 80’s action flicks. He first burst onto the scene in the titular role in Conan the Barbarian then it’s follow-up sequel. Yet, it would be his role in James Cameron’s The Terminator in 1985 that would make him a household name.

He began to crank out action films after action film every year to varying degrees of success and quality between 1984 and 1987. It would be in the summer of 1987 that he would add a third iconic action film role to stint as Conan the Barbarian and the relentless cybernetic killer, the Terminator.

Maj. Dutch Schaefer in John McTiernan’s action scifi Predator cemented Arnold Schwarzenegger as the most bankable movie star of the 1980’s. The film itself has become a go-to classic whenever film fans of all stripes discuss what were some of the best films of the era. Yes, I do categorize Predator as one of the best to come out of the 1980’s. It does more than hold it’s own when stacked up against Oscar winners, festival darlings and indie cult-favorites.

It’s a film that takes the premise that “man is the most dangerous game” to new levels by adding in a scifi element to the story. That scifi element being an extraterrestrial hunter who comes to Earth every so often to hunt. It’s chosen prey tends to be killers, fighters and soldiers at the top of their craft and usually during times of extreme conflict.

The film, as written by the two brothers John and Jim Thomas, actually works like a slasher horror film in the beginning as Dutch and his team of elite commandos trek through the Central American jungle on a rescue mission. A mission that lands the team in finding the grisly remains of another American special forces team. Questions come up as to whether their CIA liaison (played by Carl Weathers of Rocky and Rocky II fame) knows more about the true nature of their supposed rescue mission than he’s willing to let on.

It’s once the team, still being stalked through the jungle by an unseen predator, finally find the people they’re suppose to rescue that all hell breaks loose in more ways than one. The action is loud, messy and exquisitely choreographed and filmed. Unlike some of the action films of the last ten years, Predator succeeds with it’s action scenes for having a director who uses very long takes and little to no hand-held to keep the action geography easy to follow and the action choreography unencumbered by too many edits and cuts.

Even once the team realizes that they were now being hunted and that whoever, or whatever is hunting them, the film still continues to stay on a creative track. When I mentioned that the film plays out like slasher film, it does in way in that the titular character behaves and moves like slasher killers. It seems to be everywhere and nowhere. The very victims it’s hunting only see it when it’s too late and death’s upon them.

The film’s dialogue has been quoted by so many fans that memes have been created around them. Yet, this doesn’t mean that the film is hilarious. What it does have was that masculine, brother’s-in-arms banter and quips that’s become a sort of signature for screenwriter and director Shane Black who was hired to do some uncredited rewrites on the Thomas Brother’s original script. Black would also end up playing one of the commandos in the film.

Outside of Arnold himself, Predator would be best-known for the effects work by the late and great Stan Winston, who would come in to help redesign the title character (with some help from his buddy James Cameron) and the rest as they would say was film history. It would be difficult to go anywhere around the world, show the Predator to some random person and they not know what it is.

Predator was one of those films that people, at first, thought was just a mindless, popcorn flick. The type of cinema that was to be seen then forgotten for better fare. Yet, in the end, Predator ended up becoming not just a classic of its genre, but a perfect example of a film that transcends it’s genre roots to become just a great film, in general.

Cleaning Out The DVR: Deadly Shores (dir by Fred Olen Ray)


(I recorded Deadly Shores off of the Lifetime Movie Network on August 24th!)

Oh my God, isn’t life just perfect!?

That’s what Anna (Carly Schroeder) should be asking herself.  After a whirlwind courtship and engagement, Anna has just married Richard Palmer (Phillip P. Keene), a famous mystery novelist!  Not only is she a newlywed and it appears that she might soon also be newly rich.  Her parents died mysteriously years ago and she stands to come into a lot of money!

Of course, nothing is ever as perfect as it seems.  Her psychiatrist seems to be concerned about Anna acting too impulsively and he worries that she’s marrying Richard without even knowing him.  When Anna arrives at her new home, she is struck by how coldly she’s treated by the housekeeper.  Anna soon starts to feel that everyone is comparing her unfavorably to Richard’s previous wife, the one who died mysteriously at the lighthouse.   And when Anna discovers that Richard has apparently incorporated his first wife’s death into his latest book, she is not amused.  Even worse is how Richard reacts when Anna dares to wear a necklace that once belonged to dead wife.

And then there’s Beth (Kristin Minter), who seems friendly enough except that she’s awfully close to Richard.  Of course, their closeness could have something to do with the fact that she’s Richard’s mistress.  You know what they say: Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean that they’re not out to get you.

And, make no mistake about it, people are out to get Anna.  However, what no one realizes is that Anna has got secrets and shadows in her past as well…

With all of the gothic scenery and the insecure wife and the hostile housekeeper, I was expecting Deadly Shores to just be another version of Rebecca.  And, certainly, the first hour or so has much in common with that classic film.  However, in the best grindhouse tradition, there’s a big twist that occurs during the final seven minutes of the film, one that totally turns the entire movie upside down.  I won’t ruin the twist but I will say that it was a hugely satisfying one.  In the end, Deadly Shores reminded me of one of those strange movies that Joan Crawford and Olivia de Havilland would have made for William Castle or Robert Aldrich back in the 1960s.

Deadly Shores is one of the many movies to have been directed by the prolific Fred Olen Ray.  What his films often lack in budget, Ray makes up for in pure entertainment.  Ray does a pretty good job directing this one, playing up the ominous atmosphere and giving Carly Schroeder enough room to go enjoyably over-the-top in the role of Anna.

All in all, Deadly Shores is an entertaining Lifetime film and one to keep an eye out for.

Weird Western Tale: Lee Van Cleef in SABATA (United Artists 1970)


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Let’s face it, Lee Van Cleef was one cool hombre, and he’s at his coolest in SABATA, the first film of a trilogy written and directed by Gianfranco Parolini (aka Frank Kramer). The beady-eyed Van Cleef is obviously enjoying himself as Sabata, a trickster with a sinister chuckle and an array of tricked-out weapons who always manages to stay one step ahead of the bad guys.

The movie begins traditionally enough, as $100,000 in Army payroll is deposited for safe keeping in the town of Daughtrey’s bank. A daring robbery finds the guards murdered and the safe heisted. It’s all a plot by banker Ferguson, Judge O’Hara, and ex-Confederate Colonel Stengel to buy up land needed for the railroad to come through. What they didn’t count on is the presence of the mysterious Sabata, who stops the bandits with his extra-long range Winchester, carting their carcasses back to town with…

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What Lisa Watched This Morning #192: Lethal Soccer Mom (dir by Max McGuire)


This morning, I watched the latest Lifetime premiere movie, Lethal Soccer Mom!

Why Was I Watching It?

Seriously, how could anyone resist a movie with a title like Lethal Soccer Mom?

Actually, according to the imdb, this film was originally titled Sidelined so I’m going to guess that Lifetime changed the title so it could fit in with their “lethal” series of films.  Personally, I think Lifetime probably made the right choice here.  Sidelined isn’t bad but Lethal Soccer Mom just demands to be watched.

For the record, the film itself actually premiered on Friday night but since I was out, I set the DVR to record it.

What Was It About?

Kate (Tanya Clarke) and her teenage daughter, Cameron (Sarah Grey) have just moved into a new home and Cameron is starting at a new school.  Cameron can’t wait to join her school’s soccer team but she soon discovers that the team’s star player, Hailey (Hannah Vandenbygaart) views her as being a rival.  Complicating things is the fact that Hailey’s mother, Rhonda (Christina Cox), is the coach of the team and worries that Cameron might overshadow her daughter.

As messy as that sounds, it gets even messier when it turns out that Rhonda is willing to do anything make her daughter a star.  Soon, Cameron is being pushed down stairs, getting beaten up at practice, and even her grades are being tampered with!  How far is Rhonda willing to go to keep Cameron off the team?

Well, the title of the movie is Lethal Soccer Mom

What Worked?

When your movie has a title like Lethal Soccer Mom, you’re being promised a certain amount of melodramatic excess and this film certainly delivered on that promise.  Tanya Clarke, Christina Cox, Sarah Grey, and Hannah Vandenbygaart delivered a quartet of fine performances.  Christina Cox, in particular, really seemed to be having a lot of fun as she did everything from seducing her daughter’s boyfriend to chasing her daughter’s rival around the high school with a bat.  A Lifetime film is usually only as good as its villain and Cox turned the coach into a great one!

Lethal Soccer Mom also did a good job of suggesting that, under different circumstances, both Kate and Cameron could probably be just as obsessive and dangerous as Rhonda.  In fact, the only person who didn’t seem to be way too obsessed with soccer was Hailey.

What Did Not Work?

It all worked!  This is the type of Lifetime films that I love: outrageous, melodramatic, over the top, a little bit silly, and consistently entertaining.

“Oh my God!  Just like me!” Moments

I never played soccer, both because of my asthma and also because it always seemed like everyone I knew was playing soccer and, even at a young age, I always had to be different.  Two of my sisters did play but, when we were growing up, my family moved around too much for any of us to ever get caught up in too much team drama.  Fortunately, my mom never had to become a full-fledged soccer mom.  However, because I was in love with dancing, my mom did spend several years dealing with other dance moms.  Let me tell you, crazy soccer moms have got nothing on crazy dance moms.

Lessons Learned

Soccer makes people crazy.  Of course, we all already knew that…

Comedy Tonight: A FUNNY THING HAPPENED ON THE WAY TO THE FORUM (United Artists 1966)


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Director Richard Lester made the jump from The Beatles to Broadway in filming A FUNNY THING HAPPENED ON THE WAY TO THE FORUM, but it wasn’t that far a leap. In adapting the Tony-winning musical comedy to the screen, Lester energizes the film with his unmistakably 60’s cinematic style, resulting in one of the decade’s best comedies, aided and abetted by a cast of pros including Zero Mostel , Phil Silvers, Jack Gilford, and the great Buster Keaton in his final film performance.

The credits roll to the tune of Stephen Sondheim’s “Comedy Tonight”, which may be my favorite song from any musical, as Zero introduces us to the main players. He’s Psuedolus, a slave owned by young Hero (Michael Crawford), son of unhappily married Senex (Michael Hordern) and his shrewish (not Jewish) wife Domina (Patricia Jessel, who’s a riot!). Hero has fallen in love with Philia (Annette Andre), the…

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Van Damme Directs: The Quest (1996, directed by Jean-Claude Van Damme)


In the 1920s, New York pickpocket Christoper DuBois (Jean-Claude Van Damme) flees both the police and the mob by stowing away on a boat.  Before he leaves, he promises a group of orphans that he will return to them.  Thay promise is easier made than kept because DuBois is captured by pirates, rescued by Lord Dobbs (Roger Moore), and then sold into slavery on an island off the coast of Siam.

Apparently, Siamese slavery means being taught in the ways of Muay Thai boxing because, when Dobbs eventually returns, DuBois is a champion fighter.  Not holding a grudge about the whole slavery thing, DuBois requests that Dobbs and his partner, Harri (Jack McGee), accompany him to the Lost City of Tibet so that DuBois can represent the United States in a martial arts tournament.  The winner receives a statue made entirely out of the gold, the legendary Golden Dragon.  Wanting the dragon for themselves, Dobbs and Harri go with DuBois to Tibet.  Also accompanying them is a reporter (Janet Gunn) and Max Devine (James Remar), the boxer was supposed to represent the United States but who dropped out when he realized that DuBois was the better fighter.

In the Lost City, DuBois survives several elimination rounds against the best fighters from across the world.  While DuBois always shows mercy to his opponents, his main rival, Khan (Abdel Quissi), indiscriminately kills anyone who gets in the ring with him.  Meanwhile, Dobbs and Harri make plans to steal the golden dragon for themselves.

When it comes to the second-tier action heroes of 1990s, Jean-Claude Van Damme was never as good an actor as Dolph Lundgren but he was still more likable than Steven Seagal.  Van Damme’s appeal was that, in real life, he could actually do all of the things that he did in the movies.  For action audiences, there was never any doubt about who would win if Van Damme and Steven Seagal ever went at in real life.   Movies like The Quest never impressed the critics but they did give Van Damme’s fans exactly what they wanted out of a Van Damme film.

The Quest was unique because it was Van Damme’s debut as a director.  Unlike a lot of actors-turned-director, Van Damme mostly resists the temptation to get too self-indulgent.  There is one scene where Van Damme wears old age makeup and another where he wanders through the slums of New York while dressed as a clown but Van Damme is smart enough to leave most of the heavy acting to capable professionals like Roger Moore and James Remar.  While Moore and Remar ham it up and keep things entertaining, Van Damme concentrates on fighting and trying to return to the orphans.  The fight scenes are sometimes too short but at least Van Damme makes a point of showcasing each competitor’s different style.  There aren’t many films that include both sumo wrestling and capoeira.

The Quest is basically Bloodsport in the 1920s but, as they used to say in the 90s, it’s still damme entertaining.

A Quickie That Clicks: GENIUS AT WORK (RKO 1946)


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Back in 2015, I reviewed a turkey called ZOMBIES ON BROADWAY , which paired Bela Lugosi with the “comedy” team of Wally Brown and Alan Carney, RKO’s cut-rate answer to Abbott & Costello. Well, it seems the studio threw together this unlucky trio again, along with co-star Anne Jeffreys and adding horror icon Lionel Atwill in another attempt at a scare comedy titled GENIUS AT WORK. Glutton for punishment that I am, I recorded it, then watched, expecting another bomb… and instead found a fairly funny little ‘B’ movie that, while not on a par with ABBOTT & COSTELLO MEET FRANKENSTEIN , is a whole lot better than the aforementioned ZOMBIES fiasco!

Brown and Carney are back in their screen personas as doofuses Jerry Miles and Mike Strager, which they played in all eight of their films together. This time around, they’re radio sleuths hosting a show called ‘Crime of…

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What Lisa Watched Last Night #191: Her Worst Nightmare (dir by Damian Romay)


Last night, I watched Sunday’s Lifetime premiere film, Her Worst Nightmare!

Why Was I Watching It?

I recorded Her Worst Nightmare off of Lifetime on Sunday night.  I watched it on Monday because I desperately needed to make some space on my DVR!  (Seriously, I’ve got like 5 hours of recording space left…)

Plus, I have to admit that I really liked the title.  Judging from the poster above, the film was originally called Degrees of Fear but I actually preferred Her Worst Nightmare.  Honestly, if the word nightmare appears in the title, there’s no way that I’m not going to watch.

What Was It About?

A year ago, Dakota (Claire Blackwelder) was kidnapped and held prisoner by a brutal sociopath.  Though she was eventually rescued and her kidnapper was sent to prison, Dakota is still struggling to deal with the trauma of what she’s been through.  Now a college student, Dakota is still paranoid and withdrawn.  With a student reporter trying to get her to talk about her experiences and a possibly lecherous professor (Trevor St. John) constantly trying to get her to come out and have a drink with him, Dakota doesn’t know who to trust.

It especially doesn’t help that it appears that, once again, someone is stalking Dakota.  Has her kidnapper escaped or is something else happening?  Dakota is determined to find out!

What Worked?

In the lead role, Claire Blackwelder gave a sympathetic performance and she did a good job of portraying Dakota’s paranoia.  It was impossible not to empathize with Dakota and Blackwelder’s performance really held the film together.

Meanwhile, Trevor St. John was hilariously self-satisfied in the role of Prof. Campbell.  We’ve all had a teacher like him, the handsome professor who goes out of his way to let you know that 1) he’s only a few years older than you and 2) he likes to hang out at the same places that you do and 3) he’d love to have office hours with you at any time during the semester.

Her Worst Nightmare was a relatively restrained film.  Usually, I complain whenever a Lifetime film is too low key.  I usually like my Lifetime melodramas to be totally and completely over-the-top. But, in the case of Her Worst Nightmare, the restrained approach actually worked.  It generated suspense and, like Dakota, I found myself looking at every corner of the screen, keeping an eye out for any possible threats.

What Didn’t Work?

I have to admit that I wasn’t particularly shocked when the identity of Dakota’s stalker was revealed.  That’s one of the drawbacks of having a small cast.  There’s only so many possible suspects and, once you discount all of the obvious ones, it’s pretty easy to guess who it’s going to be.

“Oh my God!  Just like me!” Moments

Whenever Dakota was feeling paranoid, I was like, “Been there.”  Unlike Dakota, I’ve never been kidnapped and held prisoner but I very well could have been if luck had not been on my side.  Anyone who has ever been stalked or who has ever escaped from an abusive relationship will be able to relate to Dakota.

Lessons Learned

Just because you’re paranoid, that doesn’t mean that people aren’t out to get you.  Actually, to be honest, I already knew that before I watched the film but sometimes, the best thing that a film can do is remind you of something that you already know to be true!

What Lisa Watched Last Night #190: Killer Night Shift (dir by Damian Romay and Ernest Rowe)


Last night, I watched the latest Lifetime movie premiere, Killer Night Shift!

Why Was I Watching It?

Because it was on Lifetime!

Seriously, as much as I loved watching all of the SyFy shark movies last week, I was ready to return to Lifetime and see what type of melodrama they had to offer this weekend.

I have to admit that I was also intrigued by the title.  Killer is a word that shows up in several Lifetime titles but this is the first time that I’ve ever heard of a killer night shift.  Some day, I’m going to write a Lifetime movie called Killer Yoga Lesson.

What Was It About?

It was about a couple, David (Johnny Pacar) and Tricia (Christie Burson) Rosen.  They’re rich in the way that most Lifetime couples are, in that they own a really big house, Tricia is an online yoga instructor, and David’s business is ill-defined but it keeps him away from home for extended periods of time.

Tricia is also 8 months pregnant!  With David away on business, Tricia needs a homecare nurse.  She has two to choose from.  There’s Irene (Vanessa Reseland), the sullen nurse that’s actually assigned to her.  Irene has a shady history of stealing medication and being rude to patients.  And then there’s Katy (Cynthia Evans), who is Tricia’s talkative neighbor and who spends all of her time at Tricia’s house.

(I don’t blame her!  It’s a really nice house!)

Anyway, since this is a Lifetime film, we know that at least one of the nurses is going to turn out to be crazy and homicidal.  But which one?

What Worked?

For the first hour or so, the film did a pretty good job of keeping you guessing as to which nurse would ultimately turn out to be the dangerous one.  Both Vanessa Reseland and Cynthia Evans were well cast as two very different nurses.  Once it was revealed which nurse actually was the bad nurse, I have to say that she turned out to be even more evil than the typical Lifetime villain.

Shalesha Monique Henderson played Irene’s supervisor, Adele.  Though it was a small role, Henderson made a definite impression.  We’ve all known someone like Adele, someone who doesn’t have any time for any foolishness and who is too busy to waste time being polite.  Adele’s withering look of disgust whenever Irene complained about her assignment was definitely one of the highlights of the film.

What Did Not Work?

The film itself moved a bit slowly and I have to admit that I got a bit depressed while watching it.  Despite all of the melodrama, the film wasn’t quite as over the top as a typical Lifetime film.  Lifetime movies deal with such traumatic issues that you kinda need those over the top, borderline absurd moments to remind you that it’s only a movie.  You really felt their absence in Killer Night Shift.

“Oh my God!  Just like me!” Moments

I was in kind of a bad mood yesterday so I related to Irene’s constant bad mood.  Sometimes, you just don’t want to say “excuse me” when you shove someone out of the way.

Lessons Learned

There’s a lot of money to be made in yoga.