Retro Television Reviews: The Secret Night Caller (dir by Jerry Jameson)


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay.  Today’s film is 1975’s The Secret Night Caller!  It  can be viewed on YouTube!

Though the show pretty much guaranteed that he would forever be a part of the American pop cultural landscape, Robert Reed was not a fan of The Brady Bunch.  Onscreen, Reed played Mike Brady, the stern patriarch who always knew the right thing to do and who, as a result, was named father of the year by the local chamber of commerce.  (Of course, even though she was responsible for him getting the reward, Mike still grounded Marcia for sneaking out to mail in his nomination forms.)  Offscreen, Reed was notoriously difficult, complaining that the scripts for the show were juvenile and shallow.  Reed was correct and it should be noted that all of the actors who played the Brady kids have said that Reed never took out his frustration on the cast and actually became a bit of a surrogate father to all of them.  Still, you have to wonder what Reed was expecting when he signed up for a show that was created by the man responsible for Gilligan’s Island.

The Brady Bunch was cancelled in 1974, temporarily setting Robert Reed free from the burden of playing Mike Brady.  (Of course, he would later return to the role in The Brady Bunch Hour and we all know how that turned out.)  One of the first post-Brady movies that Reed starred in was The Secret Night Caller.   

In this film, Reed plays a seemingly mild-mannered IRS (booo!) agent named Freddy Durant.  Freddy has a good career and a nice home but he’s deeply unsatisfied.  He barely communicates with his wife, Pat (Hope Lange).  He freaks out over his teenage daughter, Jan (Robin Mattson), wearing a bikini.  He fantasies about hitting on almost every woman that he sees.  He hangs out at a strip club and, when he’s really feeling unsatisfied, he makes obscene phone calls!  Because this is a made-for-TV movie from the 70s, we never actually get to hear what Freddy says on the phone but he manages to disgust and/or horrify everyone who has the misfortune to answer his call.  He even calls a woman who works in his office, scaring Charlotte (Arlene Golonka) so much that she subsequently has an auto accident.  Unfortunately, for Freddy, one of his victims, a stripper named Chloe (Elaine Giftos), recognizes his voice and tries to blackmail him.  Freddy’s life is falling apart.  Can his psychiatrist (played by Michael Constantine) help him put it all back together again?

Freddy Durant is obviously meant to come across as being the exact opposite of Mike Brady.  (Of course, many of us who have seen The Brady Bunch have our suspicions about what Mike was actually doing in his office….)  Whereas Mike Brady was the perfect father, Freddy is cold, distant, and repressed.  Reed is convincingly uptight as Freddy and he’s surrounded by a fine supporting cast, including Sylvia Sidney as his disapproving mother-in-law.  That said, it’s still impossible to watch this show without thinking to yourself, “There’s Mike Brady making an obscene phone call.”  That’s the difficulty of typecasting unfortunately.  For all of his efforts to escape the shadow of the Brady Bunch, it’s impossible not to associate Robert Reed with the show, even when he’s talking dirty on the phone.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 4/9/23 — 4/15/23


Abbott Elementary (Wednesday Night, ABC)

This week, Janine’s mom (Taraji P. Henson) made an appearance, hoping that she could get Janine to pay her phone bill.  This was a really touching and very emotional episode.  Sheryl Lee Ralph was especially moving as Barbara tried to save Janine from being taken advantage of by her mother.  While that was going on, Gregory struggled to improve his people skills and Jacob amazed everyone with his magic tricks.  “The magic doesn’t work if you lie, Melissa!”

Accused (Tuesday Night, FOX)

This week’s episode was a nicely melodramatic one, in which an angry man tried to frame his ex-wife as a drug smuggler.  To be honest, it was kind of a silly episode but it was so over-the-top that it was still enjoyable.

American Idol (Sunday and Monday Night, FOX)

Not surprisingly, I wasn’t really that happy with the Top 24.  Many of the singers seemed to be a bit generic and, after all the suffering he went through to just make it through Hollywood Week, Aden was eliminated.  I was happy that Nutsa made the top 24.  She’s a force of chaos so I hope she wins but I fear that the show’s efforts to turn her into Hollywood Week’s villain will lead to the voters punishing her.

Farmer Wants A Wife (Wednesday Night, FOX)

I was cleaning around the house while watching this week’s episode so I have to admit that I wasn’t paying the show 100% attention.  That said, the farmers still do not have wives.

Half Nelson (YouTube)

I wrote about this week’s episode here!

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about this week’s episode here!

The Masters (Sunday Afternoon, CBS)

“Lisa Marie,” so many people said to me on Easter, “you’re watching golf?”

You better believe I was watching golf!  Seriously, the golf course was very relaxing to look at and I enjoyed the restrained applause of all the people watching the game.  Later that night, while rest of my family was enjoying the danger of NASCAR, I was remembering the calming day on the golf course.  As for who won the game …. well, to be honest, I don’t know who any of the golfers are, outside of Tiger Woods (who dropped out by the final round of the Masters) and that guy that Necromoonyeti doesn’t like.  But no matter!  I’m happy for whoever it was that won.

Night Court (Tuesday Night, NBC)

Dan had a chance to become a billionaire by investing in a new tech company.  Abbi ruined it for everyone.  Oh, Abbi!  Seriously, I like Melissa Rauch and I think she does about as good as anyone could with the character but, at some point, I’m going to start wondering why everyone puts up with Abbi continually screwing up their lives.

Survivor (Wednesday Night, CBS)

I wrote about this week’s episode here!  Where is Jeff Probst always trying to be so nice nowadays?  It’s weird.

Yellowjackets (Sunday Night, Showtime)

Now, I not only have to worry about the new dog but I also have to worry about Elijah Wood!  I swear, I may never recover from the anxiety that this show brings me.

Retro Television Reviews: California Dreams 5.2 “Shaken, Rattled, and Rolled” and 5.3 “Honest Sly”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing California Dreams, which ran on NBC from 1992 to 1996.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, the Dreams finally experience an earthquake!

Episode 5.2 “Shaken, Rattled, and Rolled”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on September 14th, 1996)

Sly has just discovered that radio executive Joey DeParna’s legendary thick head of hair is actually a wig and he’s blackmailing Joey into giving the Dreams an audition!  The only problem is that, due to a recent earthquake, Tony is suffering from PTSD and can’t even play the drums without having a flashback!  Mark suggests recreating the earthquake so that Tony can conquer his fears but, when the Dreams start shoving Tony’s drum kit back and forth, Tony panics and runs straight into a wall.  It looks like Tony’s going to have to live with his aunt and uncle in Ohio.  Fortunately, right as Tony is getting ready to say goodbye to his friends, another earthquake hits and Tony gets in a doorway.  When he realizes that the second earthquake didn’t kill him, Tony conquers his fears and decides to stay in California.  I don’t know.  I think two earthquakes in one week would be enough to make me leave but then again, I like Ohio.  Actually, we do have earthquakes in Texas but it’s rare that we ever actually notice them.  California, on the other hand, is probably going to plunge into the ocean and float away in another year or two.

I’m a little bit surprised that it took five seasons for a show called California Dreams to feature an earthquake.  I was also surprised that this was apparently Tony’s first earthquake, even though he grew up in California.  The scenes where Tony freaked out and flashed back to the quake were actually a lot better done than you would expect from a Saturday morning kids show.  I could understand Tony’s fear!  That said, the highlight of this episode was not the earthquake but instead a B-plot in which Tiffani got a job at an animal shelter and, while the shelter was closed for a week, all of the Dreams (except for Lorena) got to take care of an animal.  Tony’s beagle was adorable!

Episode 5.3 “Honest Sly”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on September 21, 1996)

Sly has a new job!  He’s working for Gem Diamond (Gary Beach) and selling used cars!  Sharp-eyed viewers will recognize Gem Diamond as being the same guy who sold Zack Morris a cheap class ring on Saved By The Bell.  As such, you can probably guess what type of cars Gem has on his used car lot.  Sly, of course, doesn’t have any problem selling crappy used cars for too much money.  Or, at least, he doesn’t until Sam buys a car and it crashes because the brakes were bad.  Struck with guilt, Sly goes on live TV and reveals that Gem sold Sam a defective car.  Gem gives Sam back her money and is so impressed with Sly’s sneakiness that he offers to go into business with him.  Sly, however, has had it with selling used cars.

Meanwhile, Lorena pretends to be Mark’s girlfriend so that Mark will develop the confidence necessary to ask out another girl.  Being Lorena’s fake boyfriend means doing stuff like shining her boots.  (I need to get a new pair of boots myself.)  The other girl is so impressed that she asks Mark to wash her car and do her French homework.  Seriously, this show’s writers could never decide just how much of a loser Mark actually was.  He was always either dating an Olympian or having an anxiety attack.

Usually, Lorena is the character to whom I most relate on this show but, during this episode, I related to Sam because everyone kept giving her such a hard time about being a bad driver.  Much like me, Sam wasn’t a bad driver as much as she was just someone who found it difficult to focus while the person sitting beside her kept yelling, “LOOK OUT!”

This was a good episode.  Gary Beach was genuinely funny as Gem Diamond.  For continuity watchers, there’s a moment in the episode where Jake mentions the time that Sly got conned by a fake modeling school.  The modeling school episode didn’t actually air until 4 months later.  We’ll get to that episode in another few weeks.

Coming up next week: Jake’s father is hired by the school and Tony cheats on a test!

Live Tweet Alert: Watch Event Horizon with #ScarySocial


As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in a few weekly live tweets on twitter.  I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie!  Every week, we get together.  We watch a movie.  We tweet our way through it.

Tonight, for #ScarySocial, Tim Buntley will be hosting 1997’s Event Horizon!

If you want to join us on Saturday night, just hop onto twitter, start the film at 9 pm et, and use the #ScarySocial hashtag!  The film is available on Prime.  I’ll probably be there and I imagine some other members of the TSL Crew will be there as well.  It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.

Retro Television Reviews: Half Nelson Episode 1.5 “Diplomatic Immunity”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Half Nelson, which ran on NBC from March to May of 1985. Almost all nine of the show’s episodes can be found on YouTube!

L.A. …. you belong to me….

Episode 1.5 “Diplomatic Immunity”

(Dir by Alan Cooke, Originally aired on April 12th, 1985)

Somebody is stealing luxury cars in Beverly Hills!  Detective Hamill (Gary Grubbs) is pretty sure that he’s caught the responsible party, a teenager who was seen near one of the cars when it was taken.  The teenager, who is in danger of losing his athletic scholarship, insists that he was just thinking about stealing the car but he didn’t actually do it.  Instead, the car was stolen by some guy who arrived on the scene via a limousine.  Why would a car thief be getting transported around in a limo?

That’s what Rocky Nelson (Joe Pesci) wants to find out!  Just as in the previous episodes, everyone tells Rocky to not get involved.  The police tell Rocky to stay out of the way.  Rocky’s boss, Chester (Fred Williamson), tells him that it’s not his concern.  Rocky’s landlord, Mr. Martin (Dean Martin), stops by the guesthouse to use Rocky’s phone and, though he doesn’t say not to get involved, it’s still pretty obvious that Dean Martin doesn’t care about the car thieves.

Only Rocky cares!  Actually, Kurt (Bubba Smith) and Beau (Dick Butkus) care as well.  In fact, in this episode, Kurt and Beau get almost as much screen time as Rocky.  They follow Rocky around, hoping to learn how to become better detectives.  As critical as I can sometimes be of Dick Butkus’s character on Hang Time, he was actually pretty funny on Half Nelson.  He and Bubba Smith made a good comedy team and they seem to be having so much fun together that it makes up for the fact that neither one of them had much range as an actor.  For instance, when Rocky goes to Beverly Hills High School to do some investigating, Kurt and Beau follow him.  Kurt and Beau claim to be two new teachers at the school.  “We got traded to this school from Harvard,” Beau says before Kurt explains that they got traded for another teacher and several draft picks.  It’s a dumb joke but Butkus and Smith sell it with their enthusiasm.

Eventually, Rocky figures out that the car theft ring is being led by a diplomat (John Saxon) from Central America.  Saxon pretends to be collecting money for charity but he’s actually just stealing cars and smuggling them out of the country.   Rocky’s investigative techniques are not particularly complex.  He “borrows” an expensive car from the studio and then hides in the trunk with his pitbull, Hunk.  When Saxon’s henchman (Lewis van Bergen) steals the car, Rocky and Hunk jump into action.  Hunk cripples the thief by biting his ankle and then Rocky and his dog run away as the car explodes.  “Run, Hunk, run!” Rocky yells.

Rocky, Kurt, and Beau manage to catch Saxon right before he boards a plane to leave the country.  The teenager is freed from jail.  As he leaves his cell, he complains about the incompetence of the cops.  Rocky yells at him for being disrespectful.  It’s the best scene in the show, just because it feels spontaneous.  It’s almost as if Pesci himself suddenly got mad and started yelling at the kid.

Rocky, Amanda (Victoria Jackson, who has been underused in every episode, with the exception of the pilot), and the rest of the Beverly Hills Security team throws a birthday party for Chester.  Dean Martin does not show up.  The end credits roll.

Half Nelson‘s main weakness is that, despite having an once-in-a-lifetime cast, the plots tend to feel somewhat generic.  It just doesn’t feel right to have actors like Joe Pesci, Fred Williamson, Dean Martin, and even Dick Butkus and Bubba Smith dealing with the type of boring cases that any 80s TV detective could have solved.  That said, compared to the previous episodes of Half Nelson that I’ve watched, this episode was okay.  Pesci got to show off his streetwise attitude and, as always, he seemed to be happiest when acting opposite Dean Martin.  John Saxon was stuck playing a one-note villain but it’s still always enjoyable to watch Saxon as he plots to do something bad.  This episode was enjoyable if not exactly memorable.

Live Tweet Alert: Join #FridayNightFlix for The Breakfast Club!


 

As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in a few weekly live tweets on twitter.  I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie!  Every week, we get together.  We watch a movie.  We tweet our way through it.

Tonight, at 10 pm et, #FridayNightFlix has got 1985’s The Breaskfast Club!

If you want to join us this Friday, just hop onto twitter, start the movie at 10 pm et, and use the #FridayNightFlix hashtag!  It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.

The Breakfast Club is available on Prime!  See you there!

 

Retro Television Reviews: City Guys 4.14 “Shock Treatment” and 4.15 “Frisky Business”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Hello, Manny High!

Episode 4.14 “Shock Treatment”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 4th, 2000)

Oh, thank God.  Chris finally got a haircut.  I’m not sure how I feel about the sideburns but Chris still definitely looks so much better without all of that hair dragging his face down.

Mean Dean, New York’s top radio DJ, is scheduled to do his show from Manny High but, when he calls in sick, it appears that the show might have to be cancelled.  However, Ms. Noble approaches Dean’s producer and tells him that she knows two students who can fill in, Chris and Jamal!  Apparently, Ms. Noble has forgotten about all of the times that she’s suspended Chris and Jamal from doing their show as a result of their history of rampant stupidity.  The producer agrees to let Chris and Jamal fill in and loves listening to Chris and Jamal make jokes about their teachers.  Since Dean is going to be out for a week, Chris and Jamal are hired to serve as his replacements….

I’m starting to suspect this show is not a realistic portrayal of the radio world.

Though Chris and Jamal try to keep the show light with a really bad Regis Philbin impersonation, their producer tells them that listeners don’t want nice.  They want mean.  So, Chris and Jamal insult all of their friends on the show.  Apparently, the listeners love it and it looks like Chris and Jamal might get their own show!  I guess pre-911 New Yorkers loved to turn on the radio and hear insulting jokes about obscure high school students.  All of Chris and Jamal’s friends get angry and refuse to have anything to do with them so Ms. Noble decides to get involved.

“Is this the type of show you want to do?” Ms. Noble asks.

Considering that Chris and Jamal haven’t even graduated high school and they’re already the hosts of the top radio show in New York and they’re also getting paid a lot of money, I’d say that this is probably exactly the type of show that they want to do.  Still, no one on City Guys can ever say no to Ms. Noble so Chris and Jamal quit their show and probably sabotage whatever hopes they may have of ever having a career in broadcasting.  Instead of becoming the next Howard Stern, Jamal can look forward to inheriting the diner from his Dad and then, 20 years later, watching it go out of business due to the COVID lockdowns.  Meanwhile Chris will probably either end up in jail for insider trading or as an assistant to Bill de Blasio.  Either way, it’s not happy future.  Thanks, Ms. Noble!

Episode 4.15 “Frisky Business”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 11th, 2000)

It’s the first day of school and everyone is shocked by Chris’s short hair.  When they ask him why he cut it, he says that, when he was backpacking through Europe over the summer, too many Italian men mistook him for being a girl and tried to hit on him….

Of course, Chris had short hair last episode and no one mentioned it.  On top of that, when did the previous school year end?  It’s pretty obvious that NBC showed the fourth season episodes out of their intended order because who cares about continuity, right?  It’s not like there are people hired for every movie and television series whose entire job is to keep track of continuity from shot-to-shot….

Actually, while we’re talking about things that don’t make sense, how did Chris backpack through Europe when he and Jamal were sent to summer school for cheating on that Chemistry midterm?  At one point, during this episode, L-Train mentions that summer school ended the day before the new school year began.  So, there’s really no way Chris could have done summer school and gone to Europe.  My theory is that Chris paid someone to attend summer school for him.  That was pretty smart of Chris.  I’m impressed.

Anyway, the kids are shocked to discover that Manny High now has metal detectors and they now have to line up to enter the school.  Dawn complains that nothing violent has ever happened on the Manny High campus.  That’s actually not true.  There’s been a lot of fights and near-fights on campus.  Just a few episodes ago, someone (probably Louis) wrote “Jerk” on Jamal’s locker.  Manny High is a dangerous place!

Not only do the students have to deal with the metal detectors but, after L-Train is caught with a switch-comb, the school board also decides to install transparent lockers and surveillance cameras on the roof.  The students are given a list of things that they can no longer wear or bring to school.  Ms. Noble tells the students that she has to enforce the rules.  (HA!  WHERE’S YOUR GOD NOW, STUDENTS!?)  But she encourages the students to come up with a “constructive” way to protest.

Chris and Jamal go on their stupid radio show and announce that Manny High has been turned into a prison and “Ms. Noble ain’t the principal no more, she’s the warden!” Chris and Jamal call on everyone to refuse to go to class until something is done about the metal detectors.  Ms. Noble responds by suspending Chris, Jamal, Al, L-Train, Dawn, and Cassidy.

Being suspended apparently means hanging out at the New York Diner.  Ms.  Noble, who I’m going to assume in now divorced since we haven’t heard or seen anything about her husband since she got married, shows up there as well and says, “Hey kids, how’s life in the suspended lane?”  Ms. Noble proceeds to scold them for not expressing their feelings in “a proper way.”

The kids decide that the best way to handle things is to set up a metal detector at the next school board meeting, which is being held at Manny High for some reason.  To me, that seems a lot more obnoxious than anything that was said on the radio but it works.  I guess the kids just needed Ms. Noble to talk down to them.  After being forced to walk through the detectors themselves, the school board agrees to compromise with the students, which is something that would never happen in real life.

(It especially wouldn’t happen today.  Nowadays, Americans love being bossed around.)

Anyway, these episode actually weren’t that bad, at least not when compared to some of the other episodes of City Guys.  Both Scott Whyte and Wesley Jonathan showed a noticeable improvement as actors in these two episodes.  It helps that Chris got his hair cut.  I really didn’t realize how much Chris’s long hair bugged me until I saw him with short hair.