Doctor Who — The Talons Of Weng-Chiang (1977, directed by David Maloney)


The TARDIS materializes in Victorian-era London.  Accompanying the Fourth Doctor (Tom Baker) is his new companion, Leela (Louise Jameson).  After returning Sarah Jane Smith to her own time (more or less) and saving the Time Lords from being destroyed by the Master, the Doctor meet Leela on an unnamed planet in the far future.  Though Leela, with her short animal-skin outfit and her very large knife, seemed like a savage, she was actually the descendant of a group of Earth astronauts who had crashed on the planet centuries before.  Leela insisted on traveling with the Doctor and the Doctor reluctantly decided to try to civilize Leela or, at the very least, get her to stop carrying that big knife around with her.

Hence, the trip to London.  The Doctor wants her to see where her ancestors came from.  The Doctor’s plan is to take her to the Palace Theater, owned by Henry Gordon Jago (Christopher Benjamin), so that they can see a performance by the magician Li Hi’sen Chang (John Bennett).  Instead, they end up getting caught up in a series of murders that involving Chang, a giant rat in the London sewers, a miniature killer named Mr. Sin (Deep Roy) who snorts like a pig, and a 51st century war criminal named Magnus Greel (Michael Spice).

The Talons of Weng-Chiang is not only one of the best of the Fourth Doctor’s adventures but it’s also one of the best Doctor Who serials ever.  Victoria London, with its foggy streets and its collection of eccentric rogues, proves to be a perfect fit for Tom Baker’s Doctor, allowing Baker to try out the Sherlock Holmes persona that he would later use when he played the great detective himself in a BBC production of Hound of the Baskervilles.  Louise Jameson is also a delight in this story, with Leela’s naturally independent nature befuddling all of the very proper Victorians that she comes into contact with.  Louise Jameson had the unenviable task of trying to follow in the footsteps of the beloved Elisabeth Sladen.  (The show’s writers helped out by making Leela the opposite of Sarah Jane is almost every way.)  Supposedly, Tom Baker had not wanted a new companion and initially treated Louise Jameson very coldly, though he eventually warmed up to her.  With her performance in this serial, Louise Jameson proved that she definitely deserved to be a part of the Doctor’s adventures.

Of course, for many, the real highlight of this serial is the chemistry between Henry Gordon Jago and Professor Lightfoot (Trevor Baxter), the coroner who has been investigating a number of strange murders in London.  The blustery Jago and the reserved Lightfoot are almost as important to defeating Magnus Greel than the Doctor and Leela and the scenes in which they become an unlikely detective team are so enjoyable that it’s not a surprise that the BBC considered giving them a series of their own.  (From 2010 to 2017, the pair did star in an audio drama, one that imagined them investigating other mysteries and even teaming up with other Doctors.)  Of course, when I first saw The Talons of Weng-Chiang, I was just happy that Jago and Lightfoot managed to survive all six chapters.  After you watch enough Doctor Who, you learn not to get to attached to any of the supporting characters.  That Jago and Lightfoot did not fall victim to Mr. Sin was cause for celebration.

The Talons of Weng-Chiang actually has a pretty interesting story, one that justified its 6-episode length.  Magnus Greel is one of the great Doctor Who villains, a time traveling war criminal who pretended to be a God.  For the most part, Michael Spice was convincing as Greel, though his over-the-top delivery of a threat to “rip your flesh,” is one of the serial’s few unintentionally funny moments.  Another false step was the “giant rat,” which was clearly a normal-sized rat shot on a miniature set.  The rat looked bored.  When the rat has to interact with the Doctor and Leela, it becomes a giant rat dummy that looks very little like the normal rat.  And finally, a stuntman had to do a few scenes inside a rat costume.  All of the rat stuff doesn’t do much other than leave you wondering whether the story really needed a giant rat at all.   Of course, it’s really not Doctor Who if there isn’t at least one notable case of special effects failure.

The rat aside, there is another thing that has to be discussed when it comes to The Talons of Weng-Chiang.  When I was a kid, I didn’t really notice it because I was too busy enjoying the action set pieces, Tom Baker’s tongue-in-check performance, the Jago/Lightfoot team-up, and everything about Louise Jameson.  Rewatching The Talons of Weng-Chiang as an adult, the thing I immediately noticed was that, for an episode that featured a lot of Chinese characters (the majority of whom were not presented in a particularly positive light), there weren’t many Chinese actors in the cast.  The most prominent Chinese character was played by John Bennett, in full yellowface.  Reading about the production of the serial, I was not surprised to see that one of the inspirations was Sax Rohmer’s notoriously racist Fu Manchu novels.  While The Talons of Weng-Chiang may not be as flat-out racist as Rohmer’s novels, it still has its share of negative racial stereotypes.  (Of course, the story’s main villain is not Chinese.  Magnus Greel is described as being “the butcher of Brisbane,” make of that what you will.)  The Talons of Weng-Chiang is well-acted, well-directed, and well-written and there’s no way it would be made today, at least not in the same way that it was made in the 70s.  I’m not saying that’s a bad thing or a good thing.  It just a reminder of how much things have changed since 1977.

The final serial of the 14th season, The Talons of Weng-Chiang was a triumph and also proof that the Doctor could still have worthwhile adventures, even if he was no longer traveling with Sarah Jane.

Music Video of the Day: Bed of Nails by Alice Cooper (1989, directed by Nigel Dick)


Bed of Nails is from Alice Cooper’s 11th studio album, Trash.  It was the album’s second most successful single, despite not even being released as a single in the U.S.  Maybe some of that success was due to this music video, in which Alice the singer performs over and in a bed of nails while women in leather walk through the studio and play the cello.

This video was directed by Nigel Dick, who directed videos for anyone who was anyone.  If Nigel Dick has not done a video for you, you are not really a rock star.

Enjoy!

Battle For The Lost Planet (1986, directed by Brett Piper)


Industrial spy Harry Trent (Matt Mitler) escapes from two security guards by hiding in a space shuttle.  He accidentally launches himself into orbit.  As soon as he’s in space, Harry witnesses a bunch of pigmen attacking Earth.  Harry spends five years exercising, eating frozen dinners, and drawing pictures of naked women on the walls o0f the space shuttle before finally returning to Earth, eager to defeat the pig men.  After hooking up with Dana (Denise Crawford), Harry heads to Richmond to investigate rumors of an underground weapon that can defeat the pig people.  Harry and Dana meet and team up with a biker named named Mad Dog Kelly (Joe Gentissi), who looks a lot like Sylvester Stallone in Nighthawks.

A micro-budget science fiction film that doesn’t make a shred of sense, Battle For The Lost Planet is just barely redeemed by its lack of pretension.  It doesn’t take itself seriously and neither should anyone else.  Nobody in the movie view Harry as being any sort of hero and even Harry admits that he’s more interested in getting laid than actually battling for the lost planet.  The movie is narrated by Old Man Harry, who is writing his memoir and who has decided to title the manuscript, How I Saved The World.  It looks like he’s writing his story in a ten-page notebook so saving the world was apparently very simple.  Just find a super weapon and turn it on.  It’s too bad no one thought of that when the Earth was being invaded!

Battle For The Lost Planet is a stupid movie but I like it.

Music Video of the Day: The Wild and the Young by Quiet Riot (1986, directed by Jeff Stein)


The music video for Quiet Riot’s The Wild and The Young takes place in a future that’s controlled by the military and the Parents Resource Music Center (PRMC), the Tipper Gore-led organization that campaigned for albums and CDs to come with warning labels.  There were actually Senate hearings on obscene lyrics in 1985, with everyone from Dee Snider to Frank Zappa coming together to make the elected officials look stupid.

Director Jeff Stein has directed several TV shows, along with doing videos for The Who, Weezer, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, George Clinton, Cinderella, Warrant, and Wilson Phillips.

What Lies Beneath (2000, directed by Robert Zemeckis)


Claire (Michelle Pfeiffer) is a former cellist who is still struggling to recover from a serious car accident and who has been at loose ends ever since her daughter left for college.  Claire’s husband, Norman (Harrison Ford), is a scientist and a college lecturer.  After their neighbor, Mary (Miranda Otto), disappears, Claire becomes convinced that Mary’s husband (James Remar) did something to her.  Claire also becomes convinced that Mary’s ghost is trying to contact her, by appearing in the lake and filling the bathtub up with water whenever Claire isn’t looking.  Norman tells Claire that she’s imagining things and pushes her to see a therapist.  As Claire investigates, she discovers that Norman knows more than he’s letting on.

What Lies Beneath is a long and drawn-out ghost story that Robert Zemeckis made because he had time to kill while the filming of Cast Away was on hiatus so Tom Hanks could lose weight and grow a beard.  That this movie was not a personal project for Zemeckis is reflected in his direction, which is surprisingly impersonal for a Zemeckis film.  The film is a showcase for Michelle Pfeiffer, who gives a good performance as the emotionally fragile Claire and holds the film’s many disparate elements together.  Harrison Ford sometimes seems disinterested but his casting still pays off when Norman gets to say and do some things that you normally would never expect Harrison Ford to do.

I remember seeing this in a theater in 2000 and being surprised by the ending.  Looking back on it today, I just can’t believe that I sat through the entire movie.

Wolf (1994, directed by Mike Nichols)


Will Randall (Jack Nicholson), the editor-in-chief of a New York Publishing house, doesn’t get much respect, not from his wife (Kate Nelligan), not from his boss (Christopher Plummer), and certainly not from Stuart Swinton (James Spader), the sleazy executive who is plotting to steal his job and destroy his marriage.  But then, one night, Will runs over a black wolf on a country road.  When he tries to helps it, the wolf bites him.  Soon after, Will starts to feel different whenever the moon is full.

I remember that, when Wolf came out in 1994, some people said that casting Jack Nicholson as a werewolf seemed like typecasting.  Nicholson apparently understood this as well so he actually downplays his usual mannerisms for the first part of the movie and gives a convincing performance as a harried executive who is worried he’s about to lose his job.  It’s only after he is bitten that Will Randall starts to come alive.  Not only does he develop the predator instinct necessary to survive in New York City but he also, without fear, pursues his boss’s daughter, Laura (Michelle Pfeiffer, at her most beautiful).  Typecast or not, Jack Nicholson is excellent in Wolf.  Equally good is James Spader as Will’s business rival, who starts to show some predator-like aspects of his own.

Director Mike Nichols was not normally a horror director and, around the midway point, his direction falters and there are times when he just seems to be going through the motions.  He gets good performances from his cast but doesn’t know how to craft a good jump scare.  The best parts of the movie are when Wolf uses lycanthropy as a metaphor for petty office politics, with Will “marking” his territory while talking to Stewart and showing a renewed killer instinct.  Wolf works better as a social satire than as a horror movie.

Fans of Frasier will be happy to see David Hyde Pierce in a small but key role.  He delivers the film’s best line.  Fans of Friends may also notice David Schwimmer in a small role.  He says nothing worth remembering.  Their presence, though, is a reminder of just how much American culture changed in 1994.  By the end of the year, both went from small roles in Wolf to co-starring in the two of the most popular sitcoms in America.

Killdozer (1974, directed by Jerry London)


Six construction workers (played by Clint Walker, Carl Betz, Neville Brand, James Wainwright, James A. Watson, and Robert Urich) are boated to an isolated island off the coast of Africa.  An oil company has assigned them to build an airstrip on the island.  On the first day of work, they come across a meteorite buried in the ground.  When one of the men tries to pick up the meteorite with the bulldozer, a blue light envelops the bulldozer and, at the same time, fatally injures Robert Urich.  Possessed by the meteorite, the bulldozer starts to track the remaining workers down, killing them one-at-a-time.  It’s a killdozer!

Based on a short story by Theodore Surgeon and made-for-television, Killdozer asks the question, “Have you ever seen a big, bulky bulldozer attempt to sneak up on someone?”  Given that Killdozer is not fast and it’s not very agile, it should be easy to escape it but the construction keep doing dumb things, like getting drunk or trying to hide inside a copper tube instead of just running away.  The surviving men wonder how they are going to make it until help eventually arrives.  Maybe if you hear Killdozer coming, you should could just step to the side or maybe you could even run behind Killdozer.  Instead, the construction workers keep trying to fight it head-on.  Every time Killdozer pauses from noisily rolling across the island and sits still because it senses one of the workers might be nearby, I’m reminded that Killdozer is an absolutely ludicrous film but that it’s also wonderfully strange and that it’s also impossible to enjoy it on some level.

The cast is good and, for the most part, so is the straight-forward, waste-no-time direction.  The Killdozer deserved an Emmy and maybe its own series but instead, it just had to settle for cult stardom.

The Magic Voyage of Sinbad (1953/1962, directed by Aleksandr Ptushko)


When is a Sinbad film not a Sinbad film?

When it’s The Magic Voyage of Sinbad!

Sinbad (Sergei Stolyarov) returns to his land after going on a great quest.  He sees that half of the citizens are rich and happy and always dancing.  He sees that the other half are poor and never happy.  Those of us watching see that the film’s version of Persia looks a lot like Russia.  Sinbad announces that he is going to capture the Bird of Happiness and bring it back to his people.  He sets sail and is given help by the daughter of Neptune.  Sinbad visits many lands and spend some time underwater, where Neptune offers him the hand of his daughters and there’s also an octopus hanging around and watching in the background.  Sinbad never finds the Bird of Happiness but it doesn’t matter because he realizes that his people have all the happiness that they need in Persia.

The Magic Voyage 0f Sinbad may seem like a strange Sinbad film and that’s because it was never a Sinbad film in the first place.  It was actually a Russian film called Sadko, about a young Russian man who tries to prove himself by finding the Bird of Happiness.  In America, Sadko was even released under its original name and plot in 1953.  No one paid much attention to it.

Then, in 1962, Roger Corman got his hands on the American distribution rights for the film and he decided to rerelease it.  He changed the title to The Magic Voyage of Sinbad and he hired a young film student to write narration for the film and to also “translate” the film’s dialogue so that it could be dubbed into English.  The very Russian Sadko instead became a film about Sinbad, the legendary Persian sailor.

The Corman version went on to become the better-known version, largely because it was featured on Mystery Science Theater 3000.  Personally, I prefer the Corman version because the badness of the dialogue and the overly solemn narration go a long way toward making up for the fact that this is a 79-minute movie about someone searching for something and failing to find it.  After making so many grand promises, Sinbad returns to his home and tells everyone that he actually lied and they don’t need the Bird of Happiness to be happy.  The film ends abruptly, probably because the people rose up and tossed Sinbad in the ocean at that point.

As for that film student who wrote the script, Francis Ford Coppola later did alright for himself.