Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

This week, the football season begins!

Episode 1.2 “The Opener”

(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on December 2nd, 1984)

The opening game of the season is approaching.  The Bulls have trader their former quarterback (who was played, briefly, by Robert Logan in the pilot) for a new quarterback, Bob D0rsey (Geoffrey Scott).  Bob Dorsey is a notorious womanizer and a veteran player with a strong arm and a bad knee.  So, basically, he’s just like their former quarterback except he’s played by Geoffrey Scott instead of Robert Logan.

Dana has decided that Bob will start on opening day, instead of the quarterback that they drafted out of BYU, the ultra-religious Bryce Smith (Jeff East).  (Opening Day, quarterback, drafted — look at me using all the football terminology!)  Bryce is fine with not starting because he feels that it is God’s will for Bob to start.

However, the Mafia (represented by Michael V. Gazzo and Robert Miranda) is not happy!  It turns out that general manager Roger Barrow has been doing business with the Arcola Brothers.  He’s been giving them tickets and allowing the Arcolas to scalp them in return for a 20% commission.  Dana puts an end to that, saying that all the tickets will now be sold through the box office as opposed to being held for VIPs.  The Mafia wants Roger to make sure that Bob does not start.  Roger convinces one of the other players to injure Bob during practice so that Bryce will be the starter.

Uh-oh!  Bob injures his knee.  Bryce is going to have to play …. except, right before the team hits the field, the team doctor suddenly says that Bob’s knee is at 80% and he can play if he wants to.  Of course, Bob wants to!  Bob takes the field and, after several minutes of stock footage, we’re told that the Bulls have won the game.

This show feels so strange.  On the one hand, I get the feeling that this episode probably was realistic about the physical toll that playing football takes on a player.  Bob is 35 and can barely walk.  I imagine that the episode’s portrayal of the locker room being a mx of stupidity and testosterone was probably accurate as well.  I’ll even give the episode credit for showing that all of the players resent the team’s owner and that Coach Denardo uses that to his advantage when it comes to motivating them.  Everyone — well, almost everyone — resents their boss.  (Not me!  I love everyone I’ve ever worked with!)

On the other hand, the first two episodes have been so low-budget that it appears there’s only five or six players on the team and the mix of comedy and drama feels rather awkward.  Dana’s friend Mona (Ruta Lee) starts drinking in the morning and tossing out pithy one liners.  Meanwhile, the Mafia is threatening to kill Roger.  It really doesn’t fit together.  The whole thing just looks and feels cheap.

But, hey, the Bulls won!  Good for them!