Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 5.6 “Druids/A Night In A Harem”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on Daily Motion, YouTube, Plex, and a host of other sites.

Let’s see what’s happening on Fantasy Island this week!

Episode 5.6 “Druids/A Night In A Harem”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on November 14th, 1981)

Hey, Tattoo is back!

Now, interestingly enough, Tattoo is in this episode but Julie only appears for a few seconds, just long enough to tell Roarke that she will be too busy babysitting to help out with any of the fantasies this week.  Considering that she’s screwed up almost everything she’s been entrusted with, I’m sure Roarke was relieved to hear this.  Still, you have to wonder if there was some rule that Julie and Tattoo couldn’t be equally featured in the same episode.

Tattoo is enthused about one of the fantasies this week.  Shy and nerdy Herbie Snyder (Paul Williams) wants to have a harem for the weekend so that he can build up his confidence.  Tattoo offers to accompany Herbie on his fantasy but Roarke says that won’t be necessary.  It turns out Herbie screwed up when he requested his fantasy and asked to be a part of a harem.

Soon, Herbie finds himself surrounded by a bunch of oily body builders as he becomes a member of an all-male harem that belongs to the Contessa (Jayne Meadows)!  Herbie is not comfortable being a sex toy but he is happy to meet and fall in love with Lisa (Pat Klous), the daughter of the Contessa.  Fortunately, it turns out that the Contessa has a fantasy of her own and that’s for Lisa (hey, great name!) to meet and fall in love with a good man.  Herbie and Lisa even get married on Fantasy Island!

This whole fantasy was silly, with Jayne Meadows devouring the scenery as only a veteran guest star can.  That said, Paul Williams and Pat Klous were a cute couple.

As for the other fantasy, Lauren Fandell (Joan Prather) wants to be the center of attention.  Roarke informs her that she’s a descendant of Druid queen.  It turns out that there’s some druids living on a nearby island!  Lauren heads over to Druid Island and is promptly proclaimed Queen of the Druids.  “Are you married? she is asked.  When she says she’s not, she is proclaimed the Virgin Queen.  Uhmmm, okay.  Maybe that’s a druid thing but that just seems like a huge assumption to me….

Unfortunately, being the Virgin Queen means that she’s due to be sacrificed to their God, the evil Pan.  Roarke shows up briefly and gives her a magic acorn necklace, which she does eventually use to distract Pan and escape with her new boyfriend, Paul (Dennis Cole).

(And yes, it does turn out that Paul was another guest whose fantasy was to study the druids.)

This was a good episode.  The fantasies were entertainingly silly and Tattoo was back.  We even got a little of the old Roarke/Tattoo banter, which used to be a highlight of the show.  This episode, with all of its silliness and melodrama, felt like what Fantasy Island was meant to be.

A new fighter enters the Arena in Ridley Scott’s Gladiator II trailer!


I don’t know how or why we have a sequel to Ridley Scott’s Academy Award Winner Gladiator, but here it is in all its glory. It looks quite interesting, I have to say. In my opinion, Ridley’s films are a coin flip. This can go either way. And who knows? Maybe if we’re lucky, we’ll get a Kingdom of Heaven follow up. One can only hope.

Gladiator II looks like it’s expanding on the first film, at least in terms of the fighting arena. We have naval battles in the Colesseum now. Despite the fall of Commodus in the first film (Joaquin Phoenix), Rome still has issues. A young gladiator (Paul Mescal, All of Us Strangers) seems to have an issue with General Marcus Acacius, played by Wonder Woman 84 and The Last of Us’ Pedro Pascal. Ridley’s also reunited with American Gangster‘s Denzel Washington, as well as Gladiator‘s Connie Nielsen and Derek Jacobi. Also on hand are Joseph Quinn (A Quiet Place: Day One), Rory McCann (Jumanji: The Next Level), May Calamawy (Marvel’s Moon Knight) and Peter Mensah (300).

Harry Gregson-Williams (Man on Fire, Kingdom of Heaven) will be scoring the film, taking over for Hans Zimmer.

Gladiator II will be in theatres this November.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 2.9 “The Sheik”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!

This week, Ponch and Jon’s attempts to keep the highways safe are endangered by a young man with a fast car, a bad attitude, and diplomatic immunity.  Cue the music!

Episode 2.9 “The Shiek”

(Dir by Phil Bondelli, originally aired on November 18th, 1978)

The title character of this week’s episode is Barney (Kario Salem), the son of the ruler of a Middle Eastern country.  Wealthy beyond belief, Barney is in the United States.  He’s supposed to be studying but he spends most of his time recklessly speeding around Los Angeles in his sportscar.  When Ponch and Baker pull him over, he announced that he has diplomatic immunity.  When Ponch tries to reprimand Barney for putting people at risk, Barney slaps him.

Barney gets arrested but again …. diplomatic immunity!  In fact, the State Department sends a representative to come down personally and ask that Barney not only be released but that Ponch and Baker apologize for inconveniencing him.

Barney subsequently invites Ponch and Jon to a party on his yacht.  Ponch spends his time flirting with Barney’s assistant, Fay (Marianne Meeks).  Baker struggles to hit on two French girls.  But when someone passes out while on a speeding motorboat, Ponch and Jon both jump on their jet skis and save the day.

Barney, it turns out, is interested in seeing how the American police do their job.  He is scheduled to return home and take over his father’s private police force.  Despite the fact that it sounds like Barney will basically be rounding up and torturing political dissidents, Baker and Ponch take him on a ride along.  Witnessing a real car accident and the struggle to save the lives of the people involved all leads to Barney renouncing his speeding ways.  Ponch and Baker have to agree that Baney’s not such a bad guy.

This episode felt a bit strange.  Instead of featuring several different storylines and rescues, the entire episode pretty much revolved around Ponch and Baker’s relationship with Barney.  It’s never really made clear which country Barney is from but Ponch does mention the Shah at one point.  If Barney is planning on returning to Iran, that means he’s going to return just in time for the revolution.  Poor Barney.

Anyway, Barney had a nice car and the jet ski rescue was exciting.  Baker was charmingly inept at speaking French.  Ponch smiled a lot.  It was pretty much a basic episode of CHiPs.  Seen today, it’s probably most interesting as a portrayal of a pre-911 America’s attitude towards the Middle East and its leaders.  Barney may have been spoiled and arrogant but ultimately, he just needed some straight-talking, no-nonsense, blue collar Americans to explain the way the world worked to him.  Ponch and Baker were happy to oblige.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 2.19 “The Fix”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, Crockett and Tubbs discover a judge may be taking bribes.

Episode 2.19 “The Fix”

(Dir by Dick Miller, originally aired on March 7th, 1986)

Roger Ferguson (Bill Russell) is a powerful man in Miami.  A former basketball player turned lawyer, Ferguson could have been elected mayor but instead, he chose to take an appointment to the bench.  In his art deco courtroom, Judge Ferguson hands down sentences and sets bail.  In fact, sometimes, he sets bail at a surprisingly low amount.  After a drug lord is released on a $5,000 bond and immediately catches a plane for Colombia, Crockett and Tubbs come to suspect that the Judge might be taking bribes.

And he is!  Judge Ferguson has a gambling problem and a corrupt lawyer named Benedict (Harvey Fierstein, clean-shaved but recognizable from the minute he starts to speak) is taking advantage of that fact.  In fact, Ferguson is so in debt that he’s had to borrow from a notorious loan shark named Pagone (Michael Richards — yes, the future Kramer from Seinfeld).  Pagone is now demanding that the judge convince his son, a basketball player named Matt (Bernard King), to throw his next game.

There were some good things about this episode.  It was directed by Dick Miller and yes, that is the same Dick Miller who, as a character actor, appeared in countless Roger Corman films.  As a director, Miller had a good sense of style.  The opening sequence, where the Vice Squad arrests a drug lord at an aviary, is genuinely exciting and well-done.  There was also some moments of genuine humor, largely supplied by the contrast between Crockett’s intensity and Tubbs’s laid-back cool.

The problem is with the casting, some of which is not entirely the show’s fault.  In 1986, no one knew that casting Harvey Fierstein and Michael Richards as ruthless villains would come across as being unintentionally humorous in 2024.  Richards does not give a bad performance as Pagone but, whenever he threatens the judge, he sounds just like Kramer demanding the day off for Festivus.  As for Bill Russell and Bernard King, I looked them up on Wikipedia after watching the show and I was not surprised to discover that they were both actual basketball players.  Both of them gave earnest performances but it was easy to see that neither one of them was a natural or a trained actor.  It wasn’t quite as bad as when actual basketball players used to show up on Hang Time but still, they definitely seemed to be struggling to keep up with the veteran actors in the cast.

This is yet another episode that ends with Crockett staring in horror as someone is shot on a yacht.  (In this case, it’s Judge Ferguson committing suicide after killing Pagone.)  Seriously, what was the yacht budget for this show?

Monday Live Tweet Alert: Join Us For The Clones and The Bone Collector!


As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in hosting a few weekly live tweets on twitter and occasionally Mastodon.  I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of Mastodon’s #MondayActionMovie!  Every week, we get together.  We watch a movie.  We snark our way through it.

Tonight, for #MondayActionMovie, the film will be 1973’s The Clones! I picked it so you know it’ll be good.

Following #MondayActionMovie, Brad and Sierra will be hosting the #MondayMuggers live tweet.  We will be watching Denzel Washington and Angelina Jolie in 1999’s The Bone Collector!  This film is available on Prime!

It should make for a night of fun viewing and I invite all of you to join in.  If you want to join the live tweets, just hop onto Mastodon, pull up The Clones on YouTube, start the movie at 8 pm et, and use the #MondayActionMovie hashtag!  Then, at 10 pm et, switch over to Twitter, start The Bone Collector, and use the #MondayMuggers hashtag!  The live tweet community is a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.   

Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi Junior High 3.6 “He Ain’t Heavy”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi Junior High, which aired on CBC and PBS from 1987 to 1989!  The series can be streamed on YouTube!

Finally, it’s time to return to Degrassi!

Episode 3.6 “He Ain’t Heavy”

(Dir by Kit Hood, originally aired on January 9th, 1989)

Snake’s older brother Glenn (Montgomery Randal) is a Degrassi legend, a star football and basketball player who graduated at the top of his class and who is now attending medical school on a full scholarship.  When Glenn unexpectedly returns to Toronto, Snake is confused.

Glenn explains that he’s come home to tell his parent that he’s moving out of the dorms and getting an apartment with someone with whom he has become very close.

Snake laughs about Glenn moving in with a girlfriend.

No, Glenn says, my new roommate is gay.

Yuck, Snake (who, we should remember, is only 14) replies, why do you want to move in with one of them?

I am gay, Glenn replies.

This episode is a huge moment in Degrassi history, because it’s the first episode to deal with someone coming out.  (Coming out episodes would eventually become a regular occurrence on Degrassi: The Next Generation, to the extent that they would actually become a bit of a cliche.)  Though not a regular character, Glenn is the first person on Degrassi to come out and the episode focuses on Snake’s reaction to his brother being gay.  It’s to the show’s credit that Snake does not have the ideal reaction that one would hope to have.  While the show clearly supports Glenn and portrays him sympathetically, it doesn’t lose sight of the fact that Snake is a 14 year-old boy growing up during a very homophobic time and it portrays his reaction realistically, showing how even a “nice guy” like Snake has his own prejudices, though in his case his prejudices are largely due to peer pressure and growing up in a society and an era that portrays people like his brother to be somehow a threat.  (Early on in the show, Snake and his classmates snicker as their teacher attempts to educate them about AIDS.)  Of course, those of us who are longtime Degrassi fans know that Snake is going to grow up to be a level-headed and open-minded and tolerant adult and this episode offers up hints of the man who Snake is destined to be.  Snake may be 14 years old and he has a lot of growing to do but even he realizes that it took a lot of courage for Glenn to come out and that their mother’s reaction is even worse than Snake’s.  The episode ends with Glenn telling Snake that he won’t be returning home until he feels his family has accepted him.  Snake may not be where he needs to be but, by the end of the episode, one can see that he’s changing and maturing.

This episode was dominated by Snake and Glenn’s storyline and Stefan Brogren’s sensitive performance as Snake.  That said, there were three minor subplots that played out over the course of this episode.  Joey desperately tried to get the program manager of CRA-Z Radio to listen to the Zit Remedy’s demo tape and discovered that it takes a lot more than desire to be a rock star.  While that was going on, L.D. refused to be Lucy’s friend until Lucy shamed her ex-boyfriend into admitting that they didn’t have sex at Lucy’s last party.  (Like it’s any of L.D.’s business, quite frankly.)  And Arthur freaked out because a bunch of younger students asked him if he was rich.  “Who could be telling everyone we won the lottery?” Arthur asks Yick.  Uhmm, Arthur …. remember your cousin, who goes to Degrassi and is a year under you?  Seriously, Arthur gets the worst storylines.