Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 2.5 “Neighborhood Watch”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!

This week, Ponch and Baker abandon the highways and keep watch over a neighborhood.

Episode 2.5 “Neighborhood Watch”

(Dir by Phil Bondelli, originally aired on October 14th, 1978)

After a series of near-accidents and speeding violations occur in an upper class neighborhood, Getraer decides to take his people off the highways and instead assign then to keep an eye on one residential street.  Ponch is happy because it means he gets to sit on his bike and watch all of the women who jog throughout the day.  Baker is happy for presumably the same reason, though he’s noticeably less obvious about it than Ponch.  To be honest, I’m surprised that Ponch hasn’t been in more accidents because he can never keep his eyes on the road.

Unfortunately, even a quiet neighborhood street has its problems.  Gerald Billings (Stephen Young) is struggling, with both his marriage and with his attempts to find a new job.  The first time that Baker pulls him over, it’s because Gerald is speeding and shaving in his car.  The second time, it’s because Gerald is driving drunk after finding out that he has been turned down for yet another job.  It’s after the second arrest that Gerald files a formal complaint against Baker.

What’s interesting is that this is the same thing that often happens to Ponch but Getraer is instantly sympathetic to Baker whereas he’s never that way when it comes to anyone trying to get Ponch in trouble.  Indeed, Getraer often comes across as if he can’t wait for the day when he’ll have an excuse to fire Ponch.  Don’t get me wrong.  Ponch is pretty obnoxious and his behavior while on the job is often rather gauche.  But it’s still pretty obvious that, for all of Ponch’s flaws, the tension between him and Getraer is personal in nature.  Getraer just doesn’t like him.

As for Baker, he gets off the hook when he arrests Gerald a third time.  After a drunk Gerald accidentally runs over a pedestrian and crashes his car, Gerald takes off on foot.  Baker catches him and it’s pretty obvious that Gerald’s going to be heading off to jail.  His complaint will be forgotten.  Even if Gerald wasn’t going to jail, I’m sure Getraer would have pulled some string for his favorite motorcycle cop.

This episode’s other plotline revolved around some mischievous kids who had too much free time on their hands and almost always seemed to be doing something reckless on their skateboards.  The most prominent of them was Brian (played by Robbie Rist, who previously gained infamy as Cousin Oliver on The Brady Bunch).  Brian even buzzed Ponch and Jon with a model airplane.  Realizing the kids weren’t really that bad, Ponch took them to a skate park and showed off a few of his own skateboard moves.  Let’s just say that Erik Estrada was no Tony Hawk.

This episode was kind of boring.  I get that the episode was showing that the Highway Patrol does good work even off the highways but the highway — and more importantly, the chance to see a fast-paced chase or a spectacular crash on the highway — is the main reason anyone would have for watching this show.  Taking Ponch and Baker off the highway just feels wrong.  Hopefully, they’ll be back where they belong next week!

The Films of 2024: Sunrise (dir by Andrew Baird)


In the Pacific Northwest, animals are being killed and their blood is being drained.  Some of the locals theorize that it’s the work of the Red Coat, a legendary creature that demands constant sacrifices to keep it at bay.

Reynolds (Guy Pearce, with a wild preacherman beard) doesn’t care about the Red Coat.  He’s more upset about the fact that he and his buddies are feeling displaced in America.  He’s been driven to rage by the fact that there’s a family named Loi living in his community.  He hates immigrants.  He blames minorities for every problem that America is facing.  He says “ain’t” instead of “is not” because that’s the way this film lets us know that its characters are supposed to be blue collar.

Reynolds has murdered Mr. Loi (Chike Chin) and he’s targeting Yan Loi (Crystal Yu) and her teenage son, Edward (William Gao).  Fortunately, the Loi Family has a protector.  Fallon (Alex Pettyfer) wanders through the misty countryside with a grim look on his face and a darkly-colored wardrobe that is designed to let us know that he’s seeking vengeance.  Along with defending the Loi Family, Fallon has a personal reason for seeking vengeance on Reynolds.  Fallon also has an insatiable need for blood….

Sunrise is a somber, slowly-paced, and rather shallow-minded film.  It takes itself very seriously and it definitely wants you to know that it has important stuff on its mind, unlike those other vampire films that just seek to be entertaining.  Of course, as any student of the grindhouse knows, an entertaining film can often be the most effective form of propaganda around.  People aren’t going to think about your message is they’re bored out of their mind.

At times, Sunrise seems to think that it’s the first film to ever use vampirism as a way to comment on current events, which I’m sure would be news to Bram Stoker, Jean Rollin, Anne Rice, Stephen King, Kim Newman, John Carpenter, Werner Herzog, Francis Ford Coppola, Spike Lee, Abel Ferrara, Guillermo del Toro, Kathyrn Bigelow, David Conenberg, Bill Gunn, Dan Curtis, and just about anyone else who has ever written or directed anything that involved a vampire.  Reynolds rants and rave about his hated of immigrants in speeches that are so overwritten and so florid that they verge on parody.  (At one point, he saps at a deputy for not drinking an American beer.)  His character is a fever dream of what Leftists think blue collar workers sound like when they’re not cheering their favorite football team or laughing about climate change.  I suppose the filmmakers deserve some credit for having enough discipline to realize that having Reynolds shout, “This is MAGA country!” would be a bit too heavy-handed for even this film but one can tell that the temptation was definitely there.

At first, I thought that the film’s cinematography would be its saving grace but eventually, I got bored with all of the artfully composed shots of the misty northwest.  There’s really not much difference between Sunrise‘s visuals and the visuals of the Twilight films.  Then I thought that Guy Pearce’s intensity might elevate the film but then I realized that Pearce has played this same character several times and he’s been more interesting in other films.  As for Alex Pettyfer, he’s just as boring here as he was in Magic Mike.  In Magic Mike, he at least danced.

Interestingly, this film — with its portrayal of rampant racism in the American northwest — is an Irish production that was shot not in Washington or Oregon but instead in Belfast.  That perhaps explains why the characters often sound like they learned how to speak by watching American cop shows on television.  Personally, I am not amongst those who feels that people should only be allowed to make movies about their own countries.  I don’t believe in limiting the imagination in that style.  As an American of Irish (and Italian and Spanish) descent, I think that an American filmmaker would be totally justified in directing a film about Ian Paisley’s followers terrorizing the Catholic minority in Northern Ireland.  (They could even shoot it around Austin, Texas.)  Or maybe someone could make a movie about that Irish basketball team who refused to shake hands with an opposing team because the team was from Israel.  All’s fair.

Monday Live Tweet Alert: Join Us For Defiance!


As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in hosting a few weekly live tweets on twitter and occasion ally Mastodon.  I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of Mastodon’s #MondayActionMovie!  Every week, we get together.  We watch a movie.  We snark our way through it.

After we finish up this week’s #MondayActionMovie on Mastodon, we will be hopping over to twitter where #MondayMuggers will be showing 1980’s Defiance!  The film is on Prime and it starts at 10 pm et!

It should make for a night of fun viewing and I invite all of you to join in.  If you want to join the live tweets, just hop over to twitter at 10 pm et, pull Defiance up on Prime, and use the #MondayMuggers hashtag! 

Enjoy!

Roaring Rangers (1946, directed by Ray Nazarro)


Another frontier town is in trouble.

Sherriff Jeff Conner (Jack Rockwell) is having trouble ridding his town of outlaws so his son, Larry, (Mickey Kuhn) writes a letter to his hero to ask for help.  He addresses the letter to “Durango Kid, Texas.”  That’s all it takes for Steve Randall (Charles Starrett) and his sidekick, Smiley Burnette, to show up in town.

Steve and Smiley apply to be deputies but Sheriff Conner explains that someone is circulating a petition to get him fired.  Steve dresses up as the Durango Kid and pressures the citizens to give the Sheriff another chance.  Realizing that the Durango Kid is making them look bad, the outlaws decide to dress up one of their own as Durango and make the Kid look bad.  With the town turning on Durango, will Durango and Smiley be able to save Sheriff Conner from an assassination attempt?

This Durango Kid film is different from the rest of the series in that, for once, Steve is hired to be a deputy instead of a sheriff.  This really is Sheriff Conner’s story, as he tries to win the respect of the town and keep its citizens safe, even while his own brother (Ed Cassidy) is working with the outlaws.  There are all the usual horse chase and shootouts but this time, Durango and Smiley are mostly around to provide support to a man who is trying to do the right thing.  B-western fans will enjoy it.

Smiley sings a few songs, as always.  This time, musical accompaniment is provided by Merle Travis and his Bronco Busters.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 2.15 “One Way Ticket”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, the Canadians are coming!

Episode 2.15 “One Way Ticket”

(Dir by Craig Bolotin, originally aired on January 24th, 1986)

This week’s episode of Miami Vice opens with one of the most unintentionally hilarious shots that I’ve ever seen.  The action starts at a fancy wedding.  The daughter of District Attorney Richard Langley (Jon DeVries) is getting married.  The cream and the crop of Miami society has turned out.  The camera pans over all of the formally dressed men and women until it finally comes to a stop on Sonny, wearing his white suit, a blue t-shirt, and no socks.  He’s attending the wedding Tubbs, who at least bothered to put on a dress shirt.

Seriously, Sonny …. it’s wedding!  Would it kill you to wear a tie or maybe put on socks to go to a wedding?  And, I know I bring this up every week, but how can Sonny continually convince every bad guy in Miami that he’s a drug dealer named Sonny Burnett when he’s doing stuff like attending the wedding of the District Attorney’s daughter?  Does he think that no one is going to notice that the drug dealer who always wears the same white suit looks and sounds exactly like the cop who is always wearing the same white suit?

That said, I guess it’s good that Sonny and Tubbs are the wedding because, during the reception, a coked-up assassin named Sagot (Lothaire Bluteau) pulls a gun and kills not only Langley but also two bridesmaids who happened to be standing close by.  Sagot manages to escape from the reception but, that night, Zito and Switek track him down to Miami’s hottest French Canadian nightclub, Le Lieu, and arrest him on possession charges.

Sagot is working for a French Canadian drug lord named Faber (Jean-Pierre Matte) and, as with all of Faber’s men, his attorney is Laurence Thurmond (John Heard).  Thurmond was a good friend of Langley’s and it’s obvious from the start that he’s not comfortable with the idea of defending the men who killed him.  Thurmond and Crockett also have a long history together.  Crockett blames Thurmond for getting a case dismissed against someone who shot one of Crockett’s partners, though it sounds like Thurmond was just doing his job and Crockett is actually to blame for not following proper procedure while making his arrest.  (Seriously, due process may be a pain in the ass but Sonny has no excuse for not knowing what’s going to happen when he violates it.)  Crockett continually demands to know how Thurmond can live with himself.  Thurmond, who likes to fly a private plane in his spare time, says that it’s not easy.  Then again, Thurmond can afford his own airplane and a wedding suit so, even if it is difficult to live with himself, at least he’s living well.  (And again, Sonny may not like it but everyone has the right to an attorney.  Again, if you’re sloppy enough to not read someone their rights or to search someone’s house without probable cause, that’s on you and not on the person who pointed it out.)

As much as Crockett would love to spend all of his time harassing Thurmond, he has a case to solve.  He wants to get revenge for Langley’s death.  He also wants to figure out who keeps sending him anonymous tips that are full of information that presumably only a defense attorney would know….

Lothaire Bluteau’s makes for a memorably unhinged villain and all of the evil French Canadians made for a nice change of pace from the show’s usual rogue’s gallery.  That said, this episode was pretty much dominated by John Heard, playing the type of role that he played best.  Heard’s morally conflicted attorney has a lot in common with the morally conflicted police detective that he later played on The Sopranos and Heard’s melancholy performance was a nice contrast to Don Johnson’s intensity.  Full of twists and turns, this episode ended on a perfect note.  In the end, Crockett may still not like Thurmond but he finally understands him.

Monday Live Tweet Alert: Join Us for Danger Zone!


As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in hosting a few weekly live tweets on twitter and occasion ally Mastodon.  I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of Mastodon’s #MondayActionMovie!  Every week, we get together.  We watch a movie.  We snark our way through it.

Tonight, for #MondayActionMovie, the film will be 1996’s Danger Zone, starring Billy Zane and Robert Downey, Jr!

It should make for a night of fun viewing and I invite all of you to join in.  If you want to join the live tweets, just hop onto Mastodon, pull up Danger Zone on YouTube, start the movie at 8 pm et, and use the #MondayActionMovie hashtag!

Enjoy!

Scenes I Love: Jimmy Stewart Sings Somewhere Over The Rainbow in The Philadelphia Story


Today’s scene that I love comes from the 1940 film, The Philadelphia Story, and it features my favorite Golden Age actor, James Stewart, carrying Katharine Hepburn and singing a song that might sound a bit familiar to our readers.

This is the performance, by the way, that won Stewart an Oscar.  Stewart himself often said that he felt the Academy rewarded him to make up for not giving him the Oscar for Mr. Smith Goes To Washington.  That’s probably true but still, this film features Jimmy Stewart at his most charming.  Teaming Stewart up with not just Katharine Hepburn but also Cary Grant makes The Philadelphia Story one of the best romantic comedies to come out of Hollywood’s pre-war era.

(Before the war, Stewart was Jimmy.  After he served bravely in World War II and returned to America, he was definitely James.)

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special James Stewart Edition


4 Shots From 4 Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!

Today, we celebrate the birthday of one of the greatest American actors of all time, the wonderful James Stewart!  It’s time for….

4 Shots From 4 James Stewart Films

Mr. Smith Goes To Washington (1939, dir by Frank Capra, DP: Joseph Walker)

It’s A Wonderful Life (1946, dir by Frank Capra, DP: Joseph Walker and Joseph Biroc)

Rear Window (1954, dir by Alfred Hitchcock, DP: Robert Burks)

The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance (1962, dir by John Ford. DP: William H. Clothier)

Music Video of the Day: Brainwashed by Nuclear Assault (1988, directed by ????)


Nuclear Assault is today best remembered for being the band that was formed by one of the founding members of Anthrax, bassist Dan Lilker.  (Linker left Anthrax shortly before the release of the band’s first album.)  Back in the day, though, Nuclear Assault was one of the top East Coast thrash metal bands.

Brainwashed was the first single to be released from their second album, Survive.  The single was Nuclear Assault’s first big hit.  Helping the song become popular was a music video that featured two of the top pastimes of the 80s, going to the mall and watch TV.

Enjoy!