Monthly Archives: March 2024

Lionsgate takes on The Crow in a new Trailer!

Posted on by Leonard Wilson

As it’s been 30 years since Alex Proyas’ The Crow was released, a remake was inevitable. From Rupert Sanders (Ghost in the Shell), this version of The Crow has Bill Skarsgard (John Wick 4) taking on the role of Eric Draven, who is brought back to life when he and his girlfriend Shelley (FKA Twigs, The King’s Man) are brutally murdered. Aided by a Crow, Eric searches for vengeance and it looks like Danny Houston (30 Days of Night) may be Draven’s main target. The look of the film seems to be a mix of DMC: Devil May Cry with some John Wick classic shooting action sequences. That’s not entirely a bad thing. It’s a new story for a new generation. The writers on board here are Zach Baylin (Gran Turismo) and William Schneider, who has the upcoming Return to Silent Hill.

The Crow releases in theatres this Summer.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Monsters 1.23 “Mannikins of Horror”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

Uh-oh!  Here come the Mannikins of Horror!

Episode 1.23 “Mannikins of Horror”

(Dir by Ernest Farino, originally aired on May 20th, 1989)

In a dystopian future, a once renowned surgeon named Dr. Collin (William Prince) is a “patient” in a mental health facility that is more of a prison than a hospital.  Dr. Collin is obsessed with dying but he believes that he has found a way to transfer his soul into the very detailed, anatomically-correct clay figurines that he has made in his cell.

Dr. Jarris (Glynis Barber) thinks that Dr. Collin can be cured but the new head of the asylum, Dr. Starr (Brian Brophy), disagrees.  Starr believes that Collin is beyond saving and of no use to society.  And, in the future, those who do not have a use are euthanized.  Dr. Starr does not care that Dr. Collin once saved thousands of lives during the world’s most recent war.  He doesn’t care that Dr. Collin truly believes that he can make the world a better place through his research.  Dr. Starr has not time for imagination or speculation.  He is all about following procedure and observing protocol.  The arrogant Dr. Starr even takes away Dr. Collin’s figurines.

That’s a mistake because guess what?  Those figurines are alive!  And when Dr. Starr drinks a bit too much Vodka and passes out in his office, one of the figurines picks up a scalpel and stabs Dr. Starr in the eye, killing him.  When Dr. Jarris discover what has happened, she smashes the figurine’s head against Dr. Starr’s desk.  Dr. Collin screams in his cell as his face collapse in on itself, leaving behind a bloody mess.  Dr. Jarris huddles in a corner and starts to scream as the end credits roll.

YIKES!

Seriously, this was a really good episode.  The clay figurines were certainly creepy and the scene where they attacked Dr. Starr was so graphic that I’m a bit surprised the show was able to get away with it.  That said, what truly made this episode frightening was its portrayal of a society without compassion.  Dr. Starr, who is more of a bureaucrat than a doctor, has the power to decide who is useful to society and who is not.  And, if you’re deemed to not be useful, you’re marked for death.  It’s a harsh worldview and an example of cold pragmatism taken to its logical extreme.  It’s also feels like a pretty accurate representation of the attitude that many government and medical officials took during the COVID pandemic.  Just as many seemed to be gleeful about the idea of the pandemic wiping out those who they considered to be undesirable, Dr. Starr can barely suppress his joy in punishing Dr. Collin for not being properly compliant.  The little clay figures were scary but Dr. Starr was horrifying.

Monsters has been a fairly uneven show so far but Mannikins of Horror is a triumph.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.7 “The Horse Lover/Secretary to the Stars/Julie’s Decision/Gopher and Isaac Buy a Horse/Village People Ride Again”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Come aboard, they’re expecting you!

Episode 4.7 “The Horse Lover/Secretary to the Stars/Julie’s Decision/Gopher and Isaac Buy a Horse/Village People Ride Again”

(Dir by Roger Duchowny, originally aired on November 22nd, 1980)

Well, let’s see who is sailing on the Love Boat this week….

Uh-oh.

That’s right!  This week, The Village People are taking a cruise!  The disco group boards the boat while singing — you guessed it — In The Navy.  Captain Stubing is a huge fan of the Village People and he’s excited to learn that they will not only be sailing on the boat but they will also be performing their new song, Magic Night.  Stubing mentions that he wishes he could be a village person.  He’s already got a hat!  And he’s served in the Navy!  Stubing never gets around to whether or not he spent the night at YMCA and that’s probably a good thing.

This week, the boat is sailing to Acapulco for the Acapulco Steeplechase.  The Village People have entered a horse in the race, one that will be ridden by the Indian.  Gopher and Isaac have also bought a horse and entered it into the race.  They name the horse “Captain Stubing” and they go through a lot of trouble to keep the real Captain Stubing from finding out that they have snuck the horse on board.  The thing is, though — there are a lot of horses on board!  Nearly every passenger has brought a horse with them and the boat actually has a stable to hold them all during the cruise.  I’m not really sure why it’s a problem for Gopher and Isaac to have a horse, other than the fact that they both spend a lot of time checking in on the horse.  “Where is my crew!?” Stubing demands, while looking around the ship.

Paul Willis (Alan Ludden) is traveling with both his horse and his wife, Louise (Betty White).  Louise is upset that Paul seems to care more about the horse than her.  Louise even considers having a fling with Cliff (David Doyle), a man who wants to buy Paul’s horse.

Meanwhile, wealthy playboy Bret Garrett (Robert Stack) boards the ship and immediately falls in love with Julie.  Despite a 30-year age difference, Bret asks Julie to marry him.  This is the fourth or fifth times that a passenger has proposed to Julie during the course of a cruise.  Julie is happy but the crew worries that Bret might be too worldly and chronically unfaithful for Julie.

Finally, movie star Kim Holland (Loni Anderson) puts on glasses and a brunette wig and pretends to be an Englishwoman named Doris, all in order to keep people from bothering her on the cruise.  Tom Benson (Charles Frank) is obsessed, to an almost creepy extent, with Kim.  But then he falls in love with Doris, who he believes to be Kim’s secretary.  Tom fails to notice that 1) Doris looks just like Kim, just with glasses and brown hair and 2) Doris’s British accent doesn’t sound British at all.  Instead, it sounds like an American trying really hard to sound British.

The Steeplechase is won, rather easily, by Paul.  Both Gopher and the Indian end up getting thrown off their horses and they engage in a footrace to the finish line, for reasons that are not exactly clear.  After the race, Paul finally realizes how much he’s been neglecting Louise and he sells the horse to Cliff.  Meanwhile, Captain Stubing says that, next year, he’ll buy a horse with Gopher and Isaac and they’ll enter the horse into the race together.  As for Bret, he realizes that he’s not right with Julie and he pretends to cheat on her so that she’ll dump him.

And what about Kim?  Well, she tells Tom the truth and also reveals that her real name is June.  “Kim, Doris, June,” Tom says, “I can’t wait to get to know all three of you.”  Uhmm …. okay, not creepy at all.  Anyway, Tom and Kim leave the boat together but, right this episode ended, Kim appeared on an episode of Fantasy Island, in which she was again single and looking to escape her fame.  So, I guess she dumped Tom after a week.  Good for her!  Tom was super creepy.

Finally, all that is left to do is to say goodbye to the Village People.

This episode was an odd one.  Robert Stack was charming as Bret, even if he didn’t have much chemistry with Lauren Tewes.  Loni Anderson was fairly terrible as Kim, just as she would be on Fantasy Island.  And the Village People …. I mean, where do I even begin?  For a group associated with both disco and gay liberation, they came across as being an oddly dull collection of characters.  Of course, it’s doubtful that the target audience of The Love Boat knew what In The Navy was about or even understood why the members of the group were costumed the way that they were.  At one point, the Construction Worker even gives Julie an appreciate glance, as if the show’s producers were saying, “See, those rumors are just rumors!”

That said, I tend to like the odd episodes of The Love Boat and this episode functioned as a time capsule, if nothing else.  All it needed was Charo and it could have been put in a museum!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Baywatch Nights 1.17 “Code of Silence”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, a detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997.  The entire show is currently streaming on You tube!

This week, the stars align and David Hasselhoff finally meets …. THE YAKUZA!

Episode 1.17 “Code of Silence”

(Dir by Charles Bail, originally aired on March 16th, 1996)

While her mother has a desperate conversation on a nearby payphone, young Mariko (Nicole Iiada) wanders onto the beach and spots a sea gull who has gotten tangled up in a fishing net.  Fortunately, Mitch Buchannon drives up in his red Baywatch jeep and is able to set the sea gull free.  Unfortunately, no sooner has the sea gull flown away then a bunch of Yakuza pull up and promptly kidnap Mariko’s mom.

Is there a detective in the house?

Why, yes, there is!

Well, kinda….

This is yet another episode of Baywatch Nights in which Mitch gets involved in a case as a result of being a lifeguard as opposed to being a private investigator.  Indeed, if not for the presence of Angie Harmon, there would be little to distinguish this from an episode of Baywatch.  While watching the last few episodes of Baywatch Nights‘s first season, you really can tell that the producers were desperate to bring over the audience that was watching just plan Baywatch.  If the first half of the first season was all about David Hasselhoff wearing suits and providing hard-boiled narration, the second half is more about getting everyone onto the beach as quickly as possible.

As for this week’s case, it turns out that the kidnapped woman is a geisha who has a computer disk that the Yakuza wants.  While the members of the Yakuza are busy threatening her with all sorts of violence, Mitch is teaming up with her grandfather (played by Soon-Tek Oh) and trying to discover where she’s being held.  When Garner and Mitch find out about the Yakuza’s secret headquarters, they launch an assault.  You might think that this would be difficult, seeing as how the members of the Yakuza are all ruthless martial artists.  Well, it turns out that karate is no match for Mitch’s fists.  The ancient art of combat falls before the power of the Hoff.

Somewhat inevitably, the episode ends with Mitch being given two samurai swords by Soon-Tek Oh.  When Mitch says that he can’t accept such an expensive gift, Soon-Tek Oh says that no one gets the swords as a gift.  Instead, they must be earned by truly displaying the spirit of the samurai.  Mitch looks truly touched while Angie Harmon suppresses a laugh.

David Hasselhoff vs. The Yakuza!  Well, we all knew it was going to have to happen at some point.  That said, I don’t think the Hoff was dealing with first-grade Yakuza.  It seems like the Yakuza sent the B-team to California.  Well, that was their mistake.  It didn’t take much effort for the Hoff to track them down and defeat them and in fact, it felt almost too easy.  The Yakuza probably thought the Hoff would be too busy recording a new album to care.  Again, their mistake.

Never underestimate the Hoff!

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 4.16 “Chorus Girl/Surrogate Father”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on Daily Motion.

This week, Mr. Roarke is almost too clever for his own good.

Episode 4.16 “Chorus Girl/Surrogate Father”

(Dir by Richard Benedict, originally aired on February 21st, 1981)

Weird episode, this week.

Our first story features John Saxon, playing the role of Evan Watkins.  Evan is a compulsive gambler and his fantasy is to make one huge score.  Accompanying Evan is his young daughter, Amy (Nicole Eggert).  Her fantasy is for Evan to give up gambling and start acting like a real father.  On the Island, Evan and Amy meet Margo (Rosemary Forsyth), a social worker whose fantasy is to really make a difference in the life of someone who is in trouble.  Basically, Mr. Roarke takes all three fantasies and just crams them together.

So, Evan does win big but then some gangsters show up, searching for him.  And Amy does get her wish but not before Evan nearly abandons his family.  And Margo, after some initial hesitation, falls in love with Evan and leaves the Island with him and Amy.  It all works out but it still seems dangerous to mix together a bunch of fantasies like that.  If one thing had gone wrong, Roarke would have been left with three unhappy customers instead of just one.

This fantasy was pretty predictable but it did give Herve Villechaize a chance to actually do something more than just stand around and ask Mr. Roarke questions.  The scene where Tattoo comforts Amy by explaining that her father may be a man on the outside but is still just a scared child on the inside was wonderfully acted by Villechaize and rather sweet.  Villechaize was notoriously difficult on the set of Fantasy Island and was reportedly always on the verge of being fired for his behavior but, in this scene, he demonstrates why he was so important to the show.  Mr. Roarke may be the owner of Fantasy Island but Tattoo is the heart.

The second fantasy is kind of creepy.  Sheila Richards (Lisa Hartman) has been deaf since birth.  She was raised by Franklin Adams (Stuart Whitman), who taught her how to dance.  Unfortunately, Sheila can only dance by watching Franklin’s hand signals.  Franklin’s fantasy is for Sheila to be able to hear for a weekend so she can audition for a world-famous choreographer.  Franklin also wants to tell Sheila that he’s in love with her.

There’s a few problems here.  Franklin is in his 50s while Sheila is in her 20s and has basically been dependent on him for her entire life.  Franklin wants Sheila to hear him when he says, “I love you!” but he also goes to the Island with the knowledge that, at the end of the weekend, Sheila will again lose her hearing.  It seems a bit cruel on Franklin’s part to put Sheila through all that when 1) he knows sign language and 2) Sheila can read lips.  There’s nothing stopping Franklin from telling her how he feels.

The other problem is that the episode doesn’t seem to understand that there are many dancers who are hearing-impaired.  Because they learn the choreography and can feel the vibrations of the music, they are fully capable of dancing without being dependent on someone signing to the them from the audience.  One does not need to hear the music to be able to dance to it.  Instead, one just has to be able to keep time and remember the choreography.

Anyway, as you can probably guess, Sheila falls in love with the world-famous choreographer, leaving Franklin heart-broken.  However, at the end of the episode, Mr. Roarke introduces Franklin to a teenage girl who lives on the Island.  Roarke explains that she’s deaf and asks Franklin to look after her while she goes to school in New York.  Franklin agrees with a quickness that is a bit …. icky.

This whole fantasy felt like a mess, from Franklin’s oddly-conceived fantasy to the fact that Lisa Hartman was in no way convincing as someone who can’t hear.  Whether Sheila can hear or not, the one thing that remains consistent is Hartman’s overacting.  Even the usually reliable Ricardo Montalban seems to be annoyed by the whole fantasy.

This was a weird trip to the Island.  What will next week’s journey reveal?