Late Night Retro Television Review: Baywatch Nights 1.19 “Epilogue”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, a detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997.  The entire show is currently streaming on You tube!

This week, Griff gets a storyline!  Who?  Oh yeah, Griff!  He’s like the photographer who hangs out at the detective agency sometimes.  He was played by Eddie Cibrian and he was listed in the opening credits so I guess he was supposed to be a major character, despite never doing or even saying anything.

Anyway, on to this week’s episode….

Episode 1.19 “Epilogue”

(Dir by Reza Badiyi, originally aired on April 27th, 1996)

Griff is concerned about his old friends, RJ (Jared Murphy) and Rene O’Gill (Julianne Morrs).  Their mother has just recently died and Rene suspects that she was murdered by their stepfather, Robert Houston (Ben Murphy).  RJ, meanwhile, is a junky for both adrenaline and amphetamines and his girlfriend, Candy (Carmen Electra), seems like she might be a bad influence.  Both RJ and Rene are due to receive a good deal of money from their trust funds and, if anything happened to them, that money would go to Robert.

Wanting to learn the truth about her mother’s death, Rene hires Mitch and Ryan to investigate.  Because Mitch is a terrible private eye, he decides to have Donna go undercover to discover if Robert is hiding anything.  Keep in mind that Donna does not work for the detective agency, has got a club to run, is already training to become a lifeguard, and has absolutely no investigative experience.  And, of course, it turns out that there really wasn’t any need to have Donna go undercover because, just as Mitch is terrible at investigating stuff, Robert is terrible at covering up the fact that he’s a murderer.

How does Mitch solve this case?  When he discovers that someone has been calling Rene’s answering machine and getting her messages without her knowledge, Mitch says, “Dial Star 69.”  That’s the extent of Mitch’s detective work in this episode.

(Answering machines and Star 69, could this show be any more of a product of the 90s?)

The main problem here is that the episode revolves around Griff and his romantic feelings for Rene but since Griff is a character who has only appeared in a handful of episodes and never really made much of an impression, it’s hard to really get either emotionally or mentally involved with his story.  When RJ is killed during a jet ski race, Griff gets upset and blames Robert but again, we don’t know Griff, we don’t know RJ, and we don’t know Robert.

The best that can be said about this episode is that it features some fun flirtation between David Hasselhoff and Angie Harmon, though not nearly enough.  Probably the most interesting thing about this episode is that it tries to be noticeably more racy than previous episodes and the editing often feels so abrupt that it wouldn’t surprise me to learn that there was a more explicit version of the episode made for Europe.  Carmen Electra plays a femme fatale here and she does do a good job of being playfully evil.  Later, she would join the cast of regular Baywatch, playing a different character who didn’t murder anyone.

Next week …. oh, who knows?  I just want to get to the second season already.  That’s when all the aliens and undead Vikings start to show up.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 4.18 “The Searcher/The Way We Weren’t”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on Daily Motion.

Oh my God, this week’s episode….

Episode 4.18 “The Searcher/The Way We Weren’t”

(Dir by Leslie H. Martinson, originally aired on March 7th, 1981)

This week’s episode was just silly and it’s going to be a struggle to even come up with the usual 500 words to say about it.

Fred Cooper (Jerry Van Dyke) is worried that married life is losing its spark so he wants to relive the early days of his marriage to Dottie (Laraine Stephens).  After going through a magic time travel cloud, Fred and Dottie find themselves living in their old house, which they share with Fred’s aunt.  Their neighbors are Vic (Jack Carter) and Myra Fletcher (Dawn Wells).  Vic is Fred’s boss.  He and Myra are also swingers!  Apparently, Fred forgot about that but I have to wonder how anyone would forget that?  Anyway, Vic offers Fred a promotion but only if Fred will allow Vic to sleep with Dottie.  Fred responds by punching Vic out while Vic is hosting a Swingers Convention on Fantasy Island.  (Tattoo must have been very happy this week.)  Vic realizes that he was in the wrong and Fred still gets his promotion.  But is it a real promotion or just a fantasy promotion?  Seriously, what the Hell is going on here?

Meanwhile, young heiress Karen Saunders-Holmes (Laurette Spang) comes to the island with her husband, Brian (James Darren).  Brian thinks that they’re just on their honeymoon but Karen actually has a fantasy.  She wants to be reunited with her father, a man named Noah who supposedly abandoned her when she was an infant and whom she has never met.  Mr. Roarke arranges for Noah (Paul Burke) to be released from prison for the weekend and….

PRISON!?  Yep, Noah is a convicted murderer and has spent the last two decades in a prison camp.  Noah claims that he was innocent of the crime.  Anyway, Mr. Roarke introduces Noah to Karen and Brian and says that Noah will be their guide on the Island….

Brian freaks out!  It turns out that Brian is actually the man who Noah was framed for murdering.  Brian went off and got plastic surgery after faking his own murder, which is why Noah doesn’t recognize him.  But Noah soon learns the truth when Brian tricks him into entering a bog of quicksand!

Does Noah survive the quicksand?  He does but we’re never told how.  Does Brian then freak out and run into the quicksand as well?  Of course.  Fantasy Island is such a dangerous place!

This was a silly episode.  Brian apparently not only had plastic surgery to change his face but also to reduce his age because there was no way he was old enough to a contemporary of Noah’s.  And for the swinger’s convention on Fantasy Island …. I mean, what?  Mr. Roarke is suddenly okay with a big key party on his Island?  How do you forget that you used to live next door to a swinging couple?  Like I said, this was just silly.  One fantasy features Jerry Van Dyke being way too goofy and the other features James Darren being way to obviously sinister.  Neither worked.

So far, the fourth season has really been a mixed bag, hasn’t it?  Hopefully, things will improve next week.

Music Video of the Day: Run Your Mouth by The Marias (2024, dir by Bethany Vargas)


It’s late and I have to be up early tomorrow so I’m just going to let you know that today’s music video of the day is from The Marias, a band featuring lead singer Maria Zardoya and her partner, drummer Josh Conway.  I always like the fact that the entire band is like, “We are all Maria’s,” as opposed to doing something like, “Maria and The Three Notes” or something.

Enjoy!