This video was filmed in Los Angeles, with the costumes coming from the Carnaval de Barranquilla. Needless to say, this is a fun song to dance to.
Enjoy!
This video was filmed in Los Angeles, with the costumes coming from the Carnaval de Barranquilla. Needless to say, this is a fun song to dance to.
Enjoy!
Martial artist Steve Hunt (James Ryan) is back!
When last we saw Steve, he was defeating a Nazi war criminal in Kill or Be Killed. In this sequel, James is recruited by Kandy Kane (Anneline Kristel) to rescue Dr. Horatio Kane (John Ramsbottom) from the evil Marduk (Michael Mayer). Marduk has forced Dr. Kane to develop a drug that allows him to control the minds of anyone who is injected with it. Marduk wants to put the drug into the world’s water supply but, for now, he is content to control the isolated town of Irontown.
Before Steve can rescue Dr. Kane, he has to put together a crew. Steve recruits four of his fellow fighters, Hot Dog (Bill Flynn), Gorilla (Ken Gampu), Gypsy Bill (Norman Robinson), and The Fly (Stan Schmidt). Along with Kandy Kane, the team infiltrates Irontown and faces off against Marduk’s champion fighter, Optimus (Edie Dorie).
If Kill or Be Killed owed a lot to Enter the Dragon, Kill and Kill Again is more of a martial arts-themed take on Mission: Impossible. Marduk, with his fake beard and his name that makes him sound like a cartoon dog, is never an intimidating villain and it turns out that it is laughably easy to defeat him. Instead, the movie’s emphasis is on Steve putting together his team and everyone playing their part to free the people of Irontown. Kill or be Killed‘s Olga is nowhere to be seen as Steve falls for Kandy Kane.
Unfortunately, the fights are pretty boring this time around and James Ryan doesn’t really have the screen presence to be a believable James Bond or Ethan Hunt-style secret agent. Especially when compared to the relatively serious Kill Or Be Killed, there is a good deal of broad comedy in Kill and Kill Again, which makes it difficult to any of Marduk’s plans seriously. The best action films convince you that only the hero has what it takes to defeat the villain but Marduk is such a weak bad guy that anyone could defeat him. Even if Steve and the crew hadn’t shown up at Iron Town, Marduk probably would have defeated himself in just a few more months.
Originally, there was supposed to be a third film about the adventures of Steve Hunt but Film Ventures, the company behind Kill and Kill Again, went bankrupt before filming could being. Steve Hunt’s adventures came to an end but the first two Kill films will live forever.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!
Welcome aboard! Get ready for tonal whiplash on this week’s episode of The Love Boat!
Episode 2.13 “El Kid/The Last Hundred Bucks/Isosceles Triangle”
(Dir by Allen Baron, originally aired on December 9th, 1978)
Wes (David Madden) and Renee Larson (Dena Dietrich) are happy to be setting sail with their friend and business partner, April (Rue McClanahan). They’re even more excited when the widowed April meets Van Milner (Dabney Coleman), a recently divorced businessman. Not only is April falling in love with Van but it also appears that Van might even be willing to join the board of April’s hospital and invest some of his money into fixing the place up. Except, of course, Van lost his job over a year ago and he really doesn’t have that much money left. April is crestfallen to discover that Van is not the wealthy man that she believed him to be. Was he just romancing her for her money? When Van wins a few thousand dollars at the craps table, he donates the money to the hospital and April realizes that he was being honest about his feelings towards her.
This was a pretty predictable story and April was way too quick to forgive Van for his dishonesty but it was interesting to see an actor like Dabney Coleman, someone who brought a naturally cynical edge to any character that he played, on a show like The Love Boat. As played by Coleman, Van seemed to be suffering from very real inner pain. For once, the emotional drama on The Love Boat felt, if not quite real, then at least credible.
Speaking of pain, that’s what Larry (Robert Urich) and Cybill Hartman (Heather Menzies) had waiting for them when they took the Love Boat to Mexico so they could adopt a baby. Upon arriving at the local orphanage, they were told that the mother of their baby had changed her mind and would not be giving up her baby after all. Instead, Larry and Cybill left with 12 year-old Pepito (Gabriel Melgar), a little brat who steals Larry’s watch and sells it on the boat. When Larry gets upset, Pepito grabs an inflatable lifeboat and prepares to jump overboard. Fortunately, Larry and Cybill talk him out of it and he agrees to be their son and to stop stealing stuff. This was an annoying story, largely because Pepito was so whiny. It was hard not to feel that Larry and Cybill deserved better than having to raise Pepito.
Finally, Julie’s friend, Karen Maynard (Connie Stevens), boards the boat and both Captain Stubing and Doc Bricker spend the entire voyage pursuing her because it’s not like the Captain and the ship’s doctor would actually be expected do their job while the ship is floating in the middle of the ocean. Gopher, Ike, and Julie take bets on who Karen will choose but, in the end, Karen chooses neither because both Doc and Stubing decide to respect the other’s feelings and stop pursuing Karen. This whole storyline was silly because there was really no doubt about who Karen would have picked. Seriously, anyone who is a passenger on a cruise is automatically going to fall for the captain because the captain is the most powerful person on the boat. But, on the plus side, the storyline showed off the chemistry between all of the show’s regulars. It was likable, even if it never quite felt plausible.
This was an episode about which I had mixed feelings. The three storylines were so tonally dissimilar that they didn’t really seem that they all should have been happening on the same cruise. Plus, Pepito was the most obnoxious orphan since the kids on One World. I’m glad things worked out for Dabney Coleman, though.
Gemma (Allison Williams) is a roboticist who works for America’s most successful Seattle-based toy company, Funki. Funki is the company behind the Purrpetual Pets, the really annoying Furby rip-offs that every child wants to have. Gemma has developed a child-sized humanoid robot that she calls M3GAN. She thinks that it could be the new big toy but her boss, David (Ronny Chieng), disagrees. David says to stick with what works and develop a new Purrpetual Pet.
While Gemma is trying not to lose her job, she also has to deal with a new arrival in her home. Following the tragic deaths of her parents and the destruction of her Purrpetual Pet, Gemma’s eight year-old niece moves in with her. From the minute that Cady (Violet McGraw) shows up, things are awkward. Gemma is more comfortable dealing with technology than with other humans. When Cady attempts to play with a toy on Gemma’s bookshelf, Gemma quickly explains that it’s not a toy. “It’s a collectible.” In fact, it’s not until Gemma introduces Cady to M3GAN (played by Amie Donald with Jenna Davis providing her voice) that Cady finally starts to become comfortable in her new home. M3GAN is the friend, older sister, and maternal figure that Cady is desperately looking for. And even though Gemma knows that M3GAN is still being developed and could possibly malfunction, Gemma is kind of happy that Cady finally has someone other than Gemma to look after her.
And, of course, M3Gan is happy too. M3GAN proves to not only be a quick learner but she also takes her duty to look after Cady very seriously. When the neighbor’s dog bites Cady, the dog vanishes shortly afterward. When the neighbor suggests that either Cady or Gemma had something to do with the dog’s disappearance, the neighbor ends up getting attacked in her garage. When a bully tries to push Cady around before then attacking M3GAN, M3GAN reacts by ripping off his ear. It may seem like it’s good to have M3GAN on your side but what about when M3GAN decides that Gemma isn’t doing a good enough job raising Cady? What about when M3GAN herself starts to suspect that Cady needs to be disciplined?
M3GAN came out in January and it was, to the surprise of many, the first big critical and commercial success of 2023. Some of that, of course, is because there really wasn’t much competition back in January. Audiences that didn’t want to rewatch the Avatar or Black Panther sequels really didn’t have many other options other than M3GAN and Plane.
That said, M3GAN is an undeniably effective mix of satire and horror. It works precisely because it captures what we all secretly fear, that AI is eventually going to kill us. M3GAN may look adorable and she gets to show off some pretty good dance moves towards the end of the film but she’ll kill anyone who gets on her nerves and, as both Gemma and Cady find out, it’s pretty much impossible to turn her off. It’s not just that M3GAN replaces Gemma as Cady’s primary caregiver. It’s that the viewer knows that it’s totally possible that there’s an army of M3GANs out there, waiting to replace all of us. At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if, in the future, at least 50% of the reviewers over on Rotten Tomatoes will actually be advanced AIs, programmed to overpraise studio productions while only giving negative reviews to films that don’t necessarily need good reviews to sell tickets.
M3GAN works as both a satire and a horror flick. The movie opens with a macabre Purrpetual Pet commercial that’s cringey specifically because it feels so accurate. As brought to life by Amie Donald and Jenna Davis, M3GAN is a wonderfully creepy character who is occasionally made sympathetic by the fact that, much like HAL in 2001 and the robots in Creation of the Humanoids, M3GAN seems to have more genuine feelings than the humans around her. Indeed, with the exception of Violet McGraw’s Cady, there are no sympathetic human characters. Gemma, for instance, is a very familiar type, someone who knows how to write code but who has no idea how to relate to anyone on an actual emotional level. In many ways, her relationship with Cady is just as a manipulative and destructive as M3GAN’s.
M3GAN is a strong movie up until the final 20 minutes, when M3GAN suddenly starts to target people who she really doesn’t have any reason to go after. But, overall, it’s an effective look at the future that we may have waiting for us.
This song and most of the footage in this video was taken from a Steven Seagal movie. Exit Wounds was apparently Seagal’s last big studio film. Both the song and the video make Seagal look cooler than he’s ever looked in any of his films but obviously, a lot of that is due to the power of DMX’s vocals. DMX could make anything seem powerful.
Enjoy!
Martial artist Steve Hunt (James Ryan) is offered a spot in a martial arts tournament that is to be held at a castle in the desert. Steve accepts but, once he reaches the castle, he thinks that something is off about the tournament’s sponsor, the German Baron von Rudloff (Norman Coombes). Could it be because the Baron wears a swastika armband, travels in a limousine the flies a Nazi flag, and spends his spare time talking about how much he misses Hitler?
Braon von Rudloff is a former Nazi general who is still bitter that his marital arts team was defeated by Japan’s team at the 1936 Summer Olympics. The tournament was just a ruse to recruit a new martial arts team that will take part in a do-over competition against the team led by Rudloff’s rival, Miyagi (Raymond Ho-Tong). Steve doesn’t want any part of that so, with the help of a former circus dwarf named Cico (Dani DuPlessis), Steven escape from the castle with his girlfriend, Olga (Charlotte Michelle). They return to Steve’s home in South Africa. The Baron sends his main henchman, Ruell (Ed Kannemeyer), to bring Olga back to him. After Olga is kidnapped, Steve joins Miyagi’s team and returns to the castle.
The best thing about this South African film is that there is rarely a moment when a fight is not breaking out. Steve and Ruell will fight at the drop of a hat. My favorite part of the movie is when Steve is trying to find a loophole in a contract that the Baron made him sign and Ruell grabs a torch and sets the contract on fire. Steve grabs another torch and the two of them spend several minutes swinging torches at each other. Later, Ruell and his friends turn on Chico for some reason and it turns out that Chico is just as good a fighter as anyone else in the movie. The plot is just an excuse for one fight after another but the fight choreography is pretty exciting and always entertaining to watch. Almost everyone in the cast was a real-life martial artist and it shows. The story is nothing special and it’s hard to have sympathy for Miyagi after it’s revealed that the Baron isn’t lying about Miyagi bribing the judges in 1936 but fight scenes make up for all of that.
Kill or Be Killed was a surprise success when it was shown in the United States. It was followed by a sequel, Kill and Kill Again, which I’ll review tomorrow.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
Smiles, everyone, smiles! It’s time to take a trip to Fantasy Island!
Episode 2.21 “Yesterday’s Love/Fountain of Youth”
(Dir by George McCowan, originally aired on March 17th, 1979)
Tattoo has the hiccups so Mr. Roarke pops a brown paper bag beside his head and scares the Hell out of him. Tattoo loses his hiccups and Roarke get the joy of tormenting his assistant.
As for the fantasies, they both involve youth and aging.
Charles (Craig Stevens) and Peggy Atwood (Eleanor Parker) met in 1944, when he was in the Navy and she was a member of the USO. Now, over thirty-years later, Charles wants to open a bait shop and Peggy wants to get a divorce. Their children pay for Charles and Peggy to take a trip to Fantasy Island, where Mr. Roarke has recreated the period in which they first met. He’s also invited all of their old friends to come celebrate Peggy and Charles’s anniversary. Unfortunately, one of those friends is the totally arrogant Brick Howard (Guy Madison), to whom Peggy was engaged before meeting Charles. It quickly becomes apparent that Brick wants a second chance and that, unlike Charles, Brick has bigger plans than spending his retirement selling fishing bait.
Will Peggy leave her husband for Brick Howard? Or will she decide that running a bait shop sounds like a great way to spend her twilight years? You’ll have to watch the show to find out …. or you can read the next paragraph.
Of course, Peggy stays with Charles! It wouldn’t be Fantasy Island if the ending wasn’t a happy one. Add to that, when has anyone named Brick Howard not turned out to be a cad? As you can guess, this fantasy was a bit predictable but the cast of veteran actors were all likable and they gave it their all. This fantasy was simple but pleasant.
As for the other fantasy, world-famous explorer Jeff Bailey (Dennis Cole) needs money so Mr. Roarke arranges for him to be hired by aging millionaire J.J. Pettigrew (Lew Ayres). J.J. has heard rumors that the fabled Fountain of Youth can be found on an island near Fantasy Island. He offers to pay Bailey a million dollars if he can find it. Of course, Bailey does find the Fountain but he also discovers that the Fountain is guarded by a fierce tribe of headhunters. The headhunters have no intention of allowing anyone else to have any of the water’s fountain. The headhunters may be intimidating but they also believe that a polaroid camera can steal their soul. Bailey threatens to take all of their pictures at one point and tells them that J.J. possesses “white man magic.” Seen today, it’s a bit awkward to watch. To be honest, I imagine it was a bit awkward in 1979 as well.
Using his canteen, Bailey steals some of the water from the fountain but, while he and his girlfriend (Mary Louise Weller) are fleeing the natives, he loses the canteen. J.J. has a heart attack and appears to be dead but, at the end of the episode, Roarke announces that J.J. is expected to survive and he’s written Bailey a check for a million dollars. Bailey found the fountain and that was their agreement. So, I guess that all worked out.
Overall, this episode was uneven. The anniversary story was sweet but predictable. The headhunter story was sometimes cingey but still enjoyably campy. This was pretty much a standard episode of Fantasy Island. Still, I can’t help but wonder why J.J. didn’t just buy an eternal youth fantasy instead of hiring Bailey to search for the fountain. I guess that question is destined to be forever unanswered.
Next week’s episode is all about comedians and prisoners!
In Champions, Woody Harrelson plays Marcus Marakovich.
Marcus is a basketball coach. He believes that he has the talent and the ability to be a coach in the NBA and he’ll tell that to anyone who will listen. Unfortunately, Marcus also has a reputation for being self-destructive and temperamental. He has sabotaged his career with too many public fights. As his friend and fellow coach Phil (Ernie Hudson) tells him, Marcus knows everything about basketball but he doesn’t know how to connect with the players. Marcus is so concerned with winning that he never gets to know the people that are playing for him.
Of course, Marcus has more problems than just his inability to connect with players. An on-court brawl leads to Marcus losing his assistant coaching job. A drunk driving incident leads to Marcus landing in jail. Phil bails him out but Marcus will still have to do community service to avoid serving time. Marcus is assigned to spend the next 90 days coaching The Friends, a basketball team made up of players who have learning disabilities. Though at first reluctant, Marcus doesn’t want to go to prison and, after a rough start, he and the Friends start to bond. Marcus becomes a better coach and the Friends become a better team and soon, it looks like they might even be playing in the North American Special Olympics Finals in Winnipeg. Along the way, Marcus also falls for Alex (Kaitlin Olson), the sister of one of his players.
Champions is a heartfelt film that suffers from the fact that there’s really not a single surprising moment to be found within it. As soon as Woody Harrelson shows up as a hard-drinking and cynical basketball coach who is looking for one more chance to make it to the NBA, most members of the audience will know exactly what to expect. It’s not a shock that he eventually bonds with his players. It’s not a shock that he falls in love with Alex nor that he eventually calls Alex out for using her brother’s needs as an excuse to not get close to anyone. It’s not even a surprise when Cheech Marin shows up as the cheerful manager of the rec center where the Friends practice. And it’s certainly not a surprise that Marcus’s work with the Friends leads to him getting an offer from an NBA team, an offer that might not be as altruistic as Marcus wants to believe. (The team is mired in a scandal and feels that hiring Marcus would bring them some good publicity.) Marcus is faced with a big decision and the choice that he makes won’t surprise anyone. At one point, Marcus specifically mentions the film Hoosiers, as if the simple act of acknowledging the fact that Champions isn’t exactly breaking new ground will somehow make up for the film’s predictability.
That doesn’t mean that Champions isn’t a likable film, of course. It’s a crowd pleaser. The actors playing the Friends actually are all learning disabled and the film portrays them all as individuals with their own unique personalities and abilities. It’s hard not to get excited for them when they succeed on the court and the film refuses to use any of their disabilities for cheap laughs. The film’s heart is in the right place and there’s always something to be said for that. But, as I watched Champions, I became very much aware that this was a film that I wanted to like more than I actually did. It was hard for me not to compare Woody Harrelson’s well-meaning but self-destructive coach to the similar character than Ben Affleck played in The Way Back. The Way Back worked because it took a familiar character type but then allowed that character and the story to go in an unexpected direction. Watching Champions, it was hard for me to not wish that the film had been willing to take a few more risks.