Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 2.21 “Yesterday’s Love/Fountain of Youth”

Posted on May 9, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Smiles, everyone, smiles! It’s time to take a trip to Fantasy Island!

Episode 2.21 “Yesterday’s Love/Fountain of Youth”

(Dir by George McCowan, originally aired on March 17th, 1979)

Tattoo has the hiccups so Mr. Roarke pops a brown paper bag beside his head and scares the Hell out of him. Tattoo loses his hiccups and Roarke get the joy of tormenting his assistant.

As for the fantasies, they both involve youth and aging.

Charles (Craig Stevens) and Peggy Atwood (Eleanor Parker) met in 1944, when he was in the Navy and she was a member of the USO. Now, over thirty-years later, Charles wants to open a bait shop and Peggy wants to get a divorce. Their children pay for Charles and Peggy to take a trip to Fantasy Island, where Mr. Roarke has recreated the period in which they first met. He’s also invited all of their old friends to come celebrate Peggy and Charles’s anniversary. Unfortunately, one of those friends is the totally arrogant Brick Howard (Guy Madison), to whom Peggy was engaged before meeting Charles. It quickly becomes apparent that Brick wants a second chance and that, unlike Charles, Brick has bigger plans than spending his retirement selling fishing bait.

Will Peggy leave her husband for Brick Howard? Or will she decide that running a bait shop sounds like a great way to spend her twilight years? You’ll have to watch the show to find out …. or you can read the next paragraph.

Of course, Peggy stays with Charles! It wouldn’t be Fantasy Island if the ending wasn’t a happy one. Add to that, when has anyone named Brick Howard not turned out to be a cad? As you can guess, this fantasy was a bit predictable but the cast of veteran actors were all likable and they gave it their all. This fantasy was simple but pleasant.

As for the other fantasy, world-famous explorer Jeff Bailey (Dennis Cole) needs money so Mr. Roarke arranges for him to be hired by aging millionaire J.J. Pettigrew (Lew Ayres). J.J. has heard rumors that the fabled Fountain of Youth can be found on an island near Fantasy Island. He offers to pay Bailey a million dollars if he can find it. Of course, Bailey does find the Fountain but he also discovers that the Fountain is guarded by a fierce tribe of headhunters. The headhunters have no intention of allowing anyone else to have any of the water’s fountain. The headhunters may be intimidating but they also believe that a polaroid camera can steal their soul. Bailey threatens to take all of their pictures at one point and tells them that J.J. possesses “white man magic.” Seen today, it’s a bit awkward to watch. To be honest, I imagine it was a bit awkward in 1979 as well.

Using his canteen, Bailey steals some of the water from the fountain but, while he and his girlfriend (Mary Louise Weller) are fleeing the natives, he loses the canteen. J.J. has a heart attack and appears to be dead but, at the end of the episode, Roarke announces that J.J. is expected to survive and he’s written Bailey a check for a million dollars. Bailey found the fountain and that was their agreement. So, I guess that all worked out.

Overall, this episode was uneven. The anniversary story was sweet but predictable. The headhunter story was sometimes cingey but still enjoyably campy. This was pretty much a standard episode of Fantasy Island. Still, I can’t help but wonder why J.J. didn’t just buy an eternal youth fantasy instead of hiring Bailey to search for the fountain. I guess that question is destined to be forever unanswered.

Next week’s episode is all about comedians and prisoners!

A Movie A Day #141: Breakheart Pass (1975, directed by Tom Gries)

Posted on May 29, 2017 by Jedadiah Leland

California. The 1870s. Sheriff Pearce (Ben Johnson) boards a train with his prisoner, an alleged outlaw named John Deakin (Charles Bronson). The train is mostly full of soldiers, under the command of Major Claremont (Ed Lauter), who are on their way to Fort Humboldt. The fort has suffered a diphtheria epidemic and the soldiers are supposedly transporting medical supplies.

However, it’s not just soldiers on the train. There’s also Gov. Fairchild (Richard Crenna) of Nevada, his fiancée (Jill Ireland), the Reverend Peabody (Bill McKinney), and a conductor named O’Brien (Charles Durning). As the train continues on its journey, it becomes obvious that all is not as it seems. People start to disappear. A man is thrown from the train. Two cars full of soldiers are separated from the train and plunge over a cliff. There is also more to Deakin than anyone first realized and soon, he is the only person who can bring the murderers to justice.

In both real life and the movies, Charles Bronson was the epitome of a tough guy, so it’s always interesting to see him playing a more cerebral character than usual. There are some exciting and surprisingly brutal action scenes, including a scene where Bronson fights a cook (played by former professional boxer Archie Moore) on top of the speeding train, but Breakheart Pass is more of a murder mystery than a typical action film. If Louis L’Amour and Agatha Christie had collaborated on a story, the end result would be much like Breakheart Pass. Bronson spends as much time investigating as he does swinging his fists or shooting a gun. It’s not a typical Bronson role but he does a good job, showing that he could think as convincingly as he could kill. Acting opposite some of the best character actors around in the 70s, Bronson more than holds his own.

Apparently, back in 1975, audiences were not interesting in watching Bronson think so Breakheart Pass was a disappointment at the box office and it is still not as well known as Bronson’s other films. However, even if you’re not already a fan of the great Bronson, Breakheart Pass is worth discovering.

Horror Film Review: The Car (dir by Elliot Silverstein)

Posted on October 11, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

“THE CAR IS IN THE GARAGE”

— Captain Wade Parent (James Brolin) in The Car (1977)

Yes, that’s right! The car is in the garage and it’s hunting for blood!

The Car is a pretty stupid movie that doesn’t really work but at least it’s enjoyably stupid. From the minute I started watching this movie, I knew that the only way I could recommend it would be if James Brolin shouted, “The car is in the garage!” at some point. When he did, I had to cheer a little. I love being able to recommend a movie.

The Car takes place in the small desert town of Santa Ynez. Nothing much ever seems to happen in Santa Ynez, which perhaps explains why the police force is so large. (Why wouldn’t you want to be a police officer in a town with no crime? It wouldn’t be a very demanding job.) Sheriff Everett Peck (John Marley) keeps the peace and sends his time talking about how much he hates bullies. Wade Parent (James Brolin) is his second-in-command and has a 70s pornstache. Wade’s best friend is Deputy Luke Johnson (Ronny Cox), a recovering alcoholic with impressive sideburns. And then there’s a few dozen other cops. Seriously, this tiny town has a HUGE police force.

One day, however, the police finally get something to do. A black Lincoln Continental has suddenly appeared, stalking the roads around the town. It doesn’t have a licence plate and the windows are tinted a dark red so it’s impossible to see who — if anyone — is driving. Stranger still, the car’s doors have no handles. When the car does show up, it seems to appear out of nowhere and once it’s run someone over, it seems to vanish just as quickly.

When the car first appears, it runs down two cyclists. A few hours later, it kills an obnoxious hippie hitchhiker (John Rubinstein). The only witness was alcoholic wife beater Amos Clements (R.G. Armstrong). When Amos goes to the police, the car tries to run him over as well but instead, it ends up killing Sheriff Peck.

Now, Wade is in charge and he has to do something about the car. Unfortunately, Wade’s girlfriend, Lauren (Kathleen Lloyd), made the mistake of screaming insults at the car when the car attempted to run down the school marching band. Now, the car is stalking her. Meanwhile, Luke is convinced that the car is being driven by none other than devil. Wade says that’s impossible. Luke points out that the car refuses to drive through consecrated ground.

And eventually, the car does show up in the garage…

The Car is one of the stupider of the many Jaws ripoffs that I’ve seen. You’ll be rooting for the car through the entire film, which is good since the car kills nearly everyone in Santa Ynez. (If any of them were likable, The Car wouldn’t as much fun to watch.) It’s dumb but the film does have an appropriately silly ending and James Brolin does get to yell, “The car is in the garage!”

So, there is that.