Monthly Archives: October 2017

Horror Film Review: The Mummy (dir by Alex Kurtzman)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Oh, where to start?

The Mummy was promoted as being the first entry in Universal’s new Dark Universe, a shared cinematic universe that would supposedly do for the classic monsters what the MCU did for super heroes.  (Of course, horror fans with a good memory remember that Dracula Untold was originally supposed to be the first part of the Dark Universe franchise but, after that film bombed with both critics and audiences, Universal announced, “We were just kidding.  The Dark Universe starts with The Mummy.”)  The Mummy was released in June and it got absolutely decimated by critics.  That wasn’t too surprising.  One could tell from the commercials that, even with 2017 being a good year from horror, The Mummy was not going to be a critical favorite.  But then, audiences rejected it as well, throwing the whole future of the Dark Universe franchise into limbo.

To be honest, I think The Mummy could have been a fun little movie if it had only been 90 minutes long and hadn’t gotten bogged down with all that Dark Universe nonsense.  There are a few moments that actually do work, though they are few and far between.  The film stars Tom Cruise, who is a veteran at handling nonsense and who gives a somewhat lighter version of his standard Mission Impossible performance.  Jake Johnson shows up as a talking corpse and he has a way with a sarcastic line.  Some of the special effects are effective, though The Mummy is often far too dependent upon them.

The plot is damn near incoherent and it didn’t take long for me to give up on trying to follow it.  The film started with a bunch of crusaders moving in slow motion and then it jumped forward to modern-day Iraq, where Sgt. Nick (Cruise) and Cpl. Chris (Johnson) uncovered an ancient tomb.  Apparently, opening the tomb unleashes Princess Ahmanet (Sofia Boutella), who is thousands of years old and is still alive because she was cursed to be both immortal and buried alive.  So, now, she’s free and apparently, she wants Nick to merge with Set, the Egyptian god of all things evil.  But Nick doesn’t want to be evil.  He just wants to save the lives of Chris and Jenny (Annabelle Wallis), an archeologist who basically has the same role that Natalie Portman had in the first Thor film.

Meanwhile, Russell Crowe is wandering around as Dr. Jekyll.  This is where the whole Dark Universe things kicks.  Dr. Jekyll is in charge of this secret organization that keeps tabs on all the paranormal stuff that’s happening in the world.  However, if Dr. Jekyll doesn’t regularly get his injection, he turns into evil Mr. Hyde.  In this movie, that means that Crowe suddenly starts talking with a cockney accent.  I’m assuming that, much like Samuel L. Jackson did for the MCU, Russell Crowe is meant to link all of the Dark Universe films together.  Of course, the difference is that the early MCU films usually only had Jackson show up at the end of the movie, often in a post-credits scene.  Crowe, on the other hand, pops up out of nowhere, takes over a huge chunk of the film, and then vanishes.  I was already having enough trouble trying to keep up with the Mummy’s schemes without having to deal with a random Mr. Hyde sighting.

The Mummy is a mess.  When it starts, it’s a likable mess, with Cruise and Johnson exchanging silly lines.  But then the movie gets caught up in trying to launch a franchise and it all goes downhill from there.  There’s even a scene where Ahmanet stands in the middle of a London streets and starts throwing cars around.  It’s such an MCU scene that I was surprised Robert Downey, Jr. didn’t come flying by.  If The Mummy had just been a content to be a silly monster movie, it could have been fun.  But instead, The Mummy tried to launch an entire universe and it just wasn’t up to the task.

Jedadiah Leland’s Horrific Adventures In The Internet Archive #22: The Dark Convergence (1993)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

For my today’s final adventure in the dark side of the Internet Archive, I played The Dark Convergence (1993).

The Dark Convergence is another haunted house game.  Like Uninvited, it starts with a car crash.

Since you crashed the car, it is up to you get help.  That means that it is time to start walking.

I tried to go into the woods but the game would not let me.  I also tried typing “kick sign” into the parser, just to be told that I was not allowed to do that either.  So, I kept walking until I found the house:

The house looked haunted but it was also the only sign of civilization that I had come across in the game.  Plus, I tried to keep walking down the road, just to run into an invisible wall as soon as I passed the house.

In the house, I discovered this:

That mess on the floor was the house’s owner.

I explored the house a little further.

This bedroom was nice until all of the monsters came through the door.

So much for that.  Fortunately, in a game like this, you can always restart after you die and hopefully, apply the lessons that you learned from the first time you played.  The main lesson I learned was to close the door after me.

The Dark Convergence is a typical haunted house game, the type where you have to solve puzzles to keep from having a bunch of monsters use your organs to “decorate the room’s interior.”  The puzzles are not hard, though some of them require more patience than others.  If you enjoyed Hugo’s House of Horrors, you’ll enjoy The Dark Convergence.

 

Halloween Havoc!: ALIAS NICK BEAL (Paramount 1949)

Posted on by gary loggins

gary loggins's avatarcracked rear viewer

The worlds of supernatural horror and film noir collided to great effect in ALIAS NICK BEAL, John Farrow’s 1949 updated take on the Faust legend. The film wasn’t seen for decades due to legal complications, but last August the good folks at TCM broadcast it for the first time. I have been wanting to see this one for years, and I wasn’t disappointed! It’s loaded with dark atmosphere, a taut screenplay by hardboiled writer/noir vet Jonathan Latimer , and a cast of pros led by a ‘devilish’ turn from Ray Milland as Nick Beal.

The Faust character this time around is Joseph Foster, played by veteran Thomas Mitchell . Foster is an honest, crusading DA with political ambitions. When he says aloud he’d “give my soul” to convict racketeer Hanson, Foster receives a message to meet a man who claims he can help. Summoned to a seedy tavern on…

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A Movie A Day #293: See No Evil (1971, directed by Richard Fleischer)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

After a rain, a car drives through a puddle and splashes mud on a man’s designer boots.  The owner of the boots follows the car back to a country manor and murders everyone inside.  (Did he really kill everyone in the house because his boots get muddied?  It is never really clear.  Before his boots got splashed on, he was looking at violent comic books in a shop.  Maybe Wertham was right.)  Later, Sarah (Mia Farrow), the niece of the car’s driver, arrives at the house.  As the result of a recent horse riding accident, Sarah is blind.  She walks through the house, unaware that she is surrounded by dead bodies and unaware that the owner of the boots left behind a bracelet that he will soon be returning to retrieve.

Obviously inspired by Wait Until Dark, See No Evil is a well-done cat-and-mouse game between Sarah and her unseen stalker.  Mia Farrow is great as the blind woman and the scenes of her unknowingly walking past the dead bodies of her family while being followed are tense and suspenseful.  See No Evil has been overshadowed by Farrow’s other two horror films, Rosemary’s Baby and Full Circle, but it is definitely worth a look.

Jedadiah Leland’s Horrific Adventures In The Internet Archive #21: Haunted Mission Adventure (1987, Agency Automation)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

For my next horrific adventure in the Internet Archive, I played Haunted Mission Adventure (1987, Agency Automation).

Everyone loves the Blairs’ annual Halloween party.  However, this year, the Pumpkin Man has been kidnapped by the evil Lady Windsloe.  According to the game’s introduction, Pumpkin Man is world-famous and beloved by children and adults.  Maybe he is somehow related the Great Pumpkin.

This text-based game is simple and I think anyone who is in the mood for a retro horror game will enjoy it.  You move around the neighborhood, searching for clues and trying to not get captured by monsters.  One thing I liked about this game was that it was not hard to find the tools that I needed.  At one point, I went south and I was told that I was in a lumberyard and that I saw a “stake.”  Figuring that there would be vampires around, I grabbed it.  Two turns later and I was suddenly in an occultists shop and I was told that I saw “spirit neutralizer.”  Again, that sounded like something I needed.

Of course, neither one did me any good when I ran into the Moss Man.

That did not go well.

Haunted Mission Adventure is simple and fun.  I have yet to find The Pumpkin Man but I won’t give up until he makes it to the Blair Party.

A Halloween Film Review: Kong: Skull Island (dir by Jordan Vogt-Roberts)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

You may have noticed that, in the title of this post, I specifically referred to Kong: Skull Island as being a Halloween film but not a horror film.

That was very much intentional on my part.  Kong: Skull Island is really not a horror film.  (I think you could argue that the only King Kong film that can legitimately be considered a horror film would be Peter Jackson’s version and that’s just because he tossed in a few scenes that were obviously inspired by the old Italian cannibal films.)  I watched Kong: Skull Island a few months ago and I really can’t say that there was ever a moment where I was scared or even uneasy.  It’s just not that type of film.

At the same time, it is a fantastically fun and entertaining monster movie, one that has a good sense of humor about its own absurdity.  Halloween is not just a time to get scared.  It’s also a time to have fun and, for that reason, Kong: Skull Island is a perfect movie for October.  In fact, I think that it was actually a mistake for Warner Bros. to release the film in March.  They should have released it during the first weekend of October.  It could have provided a counterbalance to all of the depressing films that have been released this month,

Kong: Skull Island is a throwback to the gleefully absurd monster movies of the past.  Just so we don’t miss that point, the film starts with a 1944 prologue before then jumping forward to 1973.  (Significantly, not a single scene takes place in the 21st Century.)  Samuel L. Jackson plays Lt. Col. Preston Packard, the tough, no-nonsense commander of the Sky Devils helicopter squadron.  The Sky Devils are finally on the verge of leaving Vietnam but they’ve been asked to carry out on more mission.  They’ve been asked to fly an expedition over a newly discovered island.  The official story is that they’re going to be mapping the island but everyone knows better than to trust the government.

Kong: Skull Island is very well-cast, which is a good thing because the majority of the characters are thinly written.  Among the civilians in the helicopters: Tom Hiddleston, Brie Larson, and John Goodman.  Of course, they’re all playing characters but, for the most part, you’ll spend the entire movie thinking of them as being Tom Hiddleston, Brie Larson, and John Goodman.  For that matter, you never think of Samuel L. Jackson as being Preston Packard.  He simply is Samuel L. Jackson.  When they eventually discover a castaway living on the island, it doesn’t matter that the man’s “name” is supposedly Hank Marlow.  He’s played by john C. Reilly and that’s who you’ll always think of him as being.   They’re all charismatic actors so you certainly don’t mind watching them but, at the same time, the film understands that the main reason we’re all here is to see the giant gorilla.

To the film’s credit, it doesn’t take long for King Kong to show up.  This is not one of those films where things are dragged out in an unnecessary attempt to create suspense.  (After all, the audience already knows that King Kong’s on the island.)  Almost as soon as the helicopters breach the airspace over Skull Island, Kong shows up and starts knocking them out of the sky.  The survivors end up stranded on different parts of the island.

Of course, it’s not just Kong that they have to worry about.  In fact, from the start, the audience is smart enough to know that Kong is actually one of the good monsters.  However, Skull Island is also inhabited by bad monsters, like these giant reptiles that Kong keeps having to fight.

Early on, there’s a scene in America where, in regards to the Watergate scandal, John Goodman says that Washington, D.C. is never going to be more screwed up than it is at that moment.  That line pretty much epitomizes Kong: Skull Island.  It’s a lark with a knowing sense of humor and it is not meant to be taken at all seriously.  At it’s best, Kong: Skull Island satirizes some of the most pompous monster movies of the past.  Whenever someone says something portentous, you can be sure that the film will quickly find a way to puncture the somber mood.

And it’s all terrifically entertaining.  Watch, enjoy, and don’t worry too much about whether or not any of it makes sense.  A trip to Skull Island is a trip worth taking.

Jedadiah Leland’s Horrific Adventures In The Internet Archive #20: Countdown to Doom (1987, Topologika Software Ltd.)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

For my next adventure in the dark side of the Internet Archive, I played Countdown to Doom (1987, Topologika Software Ltd.).

Man, this game is tough!

You have just crashed your spaceship on a mysterious planet called Doom.  You have 400 turns in order to find the spare parts necessary to repair your spaceship.  To do that, you will have to figure out how to get out of your spaceship.  Assuming you survive the escape, you will have to explore the planet and find everything that you need.

The best thing about Countdown to Doom is that it is really well-written.  The descriptions are so detailed that you will feel like you are actually on the planet.  The bad thing is that you only have 400 turns so if you spend too much time exploring, your ship will collapse and you will be forever trapped.

This is a challenging game because if you make one mistake, you will die.  For me, the most humiliating moment was when I tried to pull the door of the spaceship and it fell on me.

Next time, I tried push door and I had better results.

Countdown to Doom is one of the best games that I’ve found in the Internet Archive.  It may be difficult but it is not impossible.  There is also a walkthrough but, for best results, suck it up and figure it out for yourself.  It will be worth it.

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special Tommy Lee Wallace Edition!

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

4 Shots From 4 Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films is all about letting the visuals do the talking.

This October, I am going to be using our 4 Shots From 4 Films feature to pay tribute to some of my favorite horror directors, in alphabetical order!  That’s right, we’re going from Argento to Zombie in one month!

Today’s director: Tommy Lee Wallace!

4 Shots From 4 Films

Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982, dir by Tommy Lee Wallace)

Fright Night Part 2 (1988, dir by Tommy Lee Wallace)

It (1990, dir by Tommy Lee Wallace)

Vampires: Los Muertos (2002, dir by Tommy Lee Wallace)

Jedadiah Leland’s Horrific Adventures In The Internet Archive #19: Shenanigans (1984, Mark Data Productions)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

For my next trip through the dark side of the Internet Archive, I played Shenanigans (1984, Mark Dice Productions.)

In Shenanigans, your goal is to track down a leprechaun’s pot of gold.  You really need the money.  Just look at where you are living:

Everything in Shenanigans is a puzzle and that includes getting out of your apartment.  Directly outside your bedroom door, your landlord is waiting.  He wants the rent that you own him.  I typed “hit landlord” several times but the game does not understand the hit command.

The only way to get by the landlord is to pay him.  The money is in the room but it is not easy to find.  Hint: look at everything more than once.

If you ever get out of the apartment, you can wander around the city.  Be careful because it is surprisingly easy to die in this game.  For example, you might run into muggers.  If you remember to search everything, you will have an item that will save your life.  If you miss something, you will die.

Assuming you survive, you will find a bar.

Make sure you order the right beer or you might die.  If you do order the right beer, you can find a subway that will take you to this magical place:

Solving the puzzles in Shenanigans can be rewarding but the gameplay can sometimes be frustrating.  Not only is it extremely easy to mess up but, like many games from the 80s, the game’s vocabulary is limited.  I spent a lot of time playing “guess the verb.”  Fortunately, there is a walkthrough available.  Without it, I would have died even more times than I did.