Horror on TV: Thriller 2.5 “God Grante That She Lye Stille” (dir by Herschel Daugherty)


For tonight’s horror on television, we have an episode from the second season of the Boris Karloff-hosted anthology series, Thriller.

In God Grante That She Lye Stille, Lady Margaret Crewer (Sarah Marshall) returns to her ancestral home, hoping to collect her inheritance.  However, as soon becomes clear, the house is haunted by the spirit of one of her ancestors, a witch who was burned at the stake.

Who doesn’t love a good ghost story of Halloween?

Enjoy!

A Movie A Day #290: The Granny (1995, directed by Luca Bercovici)


Granny Gargoli (Stella Stevens) is an old, wealthy, and dying.  With the exception of her niece, Kelly (Shannon Whirry, wearing glasses so it’s clear that she is not a gold digger), Granny hates her entire family.  When they come by for Thanksgiving dinner and start arguing about who is going to inherit Granny’s money, Granny snaps at her oldest son, “You’re the load that I should’ve swallowed!”

Since Granny does not want anyone to inherit her money, she decides that the best course of action would be to never die.  She buys a magic elixir that will grant immortality to whoever drinks it.  The salesman (played by director Luca Bercovici) tells her that it is very important to keep the elixir out of direct sunlight.  Of course, that gets screwed up faster than a mogwai turning into a gremlin.  When her family poisons her, the corrupted elixir does not keep Granny from dying.  Instead, it allows Granny to return as a demon who hunts down her greedy relatives one at a time.  One son is castrated.  A daughter-in-law is attacked when her mink stole comes to life.  Even after being killed, the members of the family return as wisecracking members of the living dead.

A mix of comedy and horror, The Granny used to show up regularly on late night Cinemax.  It may not be scary (though the castration scene is the reason why I get nervous whenever I see scissors) but, with the exception of Kelly, everyone in the family is so hateful that it is still fun to watch all of the get what they deserve.  Stella Stevens and Shannon Whirry are the main reasons to watch The Granny.  Stella gets all the best lines while Shannon Whirry shows why those who grew up watching late night Cinema still debate which Shannon was the best, Whirry or Tweed?

 

Halloween Havoc!: BUBBA HO-TEP (Vitagraph 2002)


cracked rear viewer

Don Coscarelli, the man who brought you the PHANTASM series, scores a bulls-eye with BUBBA HO-TEP, a totally unique film based on Joe R. Lansdale’s novella. Lansdale is well known to fans of horror fiction for his books and short stories in the filed as well as other genres (crime, westerns, even comic books). Coscarelli’s adaptation is a delightful blend of horror and humor, and a bittersweet reflection on aging, if not gracefully, then with courage.

Bruce Campbell (ASH VS EVIL DEAD) stars as Sebastian Haff, former Elvis impersonator who may or may not really be The King. He believes he is, and that’s what matters. He’s stuck in a Mud Creek, Texas rest home, confined to a walker and battling a weird growth on his pecker. People at the rest home are dying, as you’d expect in a place like this, but under some strange circumstances that’re causing Elvis…

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Horror Scenes That I Love: The Finale of Dellamorte Dellamore


Today’s horror scene that I love comes from the 1994 Italian film, Dellamorte Dellamore.

Viewed out of context from the rest of the film, this is not an easy scene to explain.  My suggestion is enjoy it for the beauty of the images and Rupert Everett’s mournful performance.  And, if you haven’t seen it, watch Dellamorte Dellamore as soon as possible.

Jedadiah Leland’s Horrific Adventures In The Internet Archive #13: Night of the Walking Dead (1992, John Olsen)


For today’s horrific journey through the Internet Archive, I played Night of the Walking Dead (1992, John Olsen).

In order to claim a million-dollar inheritance, you have to find the grave of your Aunt Bedilia, dig her up, and get her locket.  It will not be easy because the graveyard is haunted by zombies and other strange things.  Plus, you have decided to search at night.

This is a text adventure, where you have to solve puzzles and examine your surroundings.  The puzzles are not too difficult and, while the game’s descriptions are terse, they still provide you with everything that you need to know.

Still, as with most text adventures sometimes this will happen:

I turned out that the proper command was “get recorder.”  Sometimes, coming up with the right command can be frustrating but it is nothing that cannot be figured out.  After you get the recorder, you can find a tape and get some background information on what’s been happening in the cemetery:

The game picks up once the zombies show up.

It is not just zombies that you have to worry about.  There are also bats.

Night of the Walking Dead is a very simple game but I enjoyed it.  Now, if I can just figure out how to avoid those bats…

RIP, Fats Domino


This is from a 1956 episode of the Ed Sullivan Show:

Rock and roll legend Fats Domino passed away yesterday in Harvey, Louisiana.  He was 89 years old.  Beginning his career in 1947, Fats Domino performed for 60 years straight before retiring in 2007.  He leaves behind 5 gold records, 37 Top 40 singles, and 35 records in the Billboard Top 40.

Once, when a reporter called Elvis “the king,” Elvis pointed at Fats Domino and said, “No, the real king of rock and roll is right over there.”

RIP, Fats Domino.

Thank you for the music.

 

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special Michele Soavi Edition


4 Shots From 4 Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films is all about letting the visuals do the talking.

This October, I am going to be using our 4 Shots From 4 Films feature to pay tribute to some of my favorite horror directors, in alphabetical order!  That’s right, we’re going from Argento to Zombie in one month!

Today’s director: the brilliant Michele Soavi!

4 Shots From 4 Films

Stage Fright (1987, dir by Michele Soavi)

The Church (1989, dir by Michele Soavi)

The Sect (1991, dir by Michele Soavi)

Dellamorte Dellamore (1994, dir by Michele Soavi)

 

Horror on the Lens: Track of the Moon Beast (dir by Richard Ashe)


When it comes to bad movies from the 70s, you have to love a movie like 1976’s Track of the Moonbeast.  This film takes place in New Mexico and tells the story of Paul (Chase Cordel), a slow-talking mineralogist who gets a chunk of moon rock lodged into his brain.  As a result, he turns into a gigantic lizard and goes around killing people.  His only hope appears to be his old friend, the stoic Profession Johnny Longbow (Gregorio Sala), who knows all sorts of indian lore.  He also knows how to make stew and early on in the film, he gives a world-weary monologue about what ingredients he puts in his stew.  (Onions, mostly).  Anyway, this is an awful, awful film that’s full of bad acting, bad special effects, and dumb dialogue.  It’s also a lot of fun and it features the guy pictured below singing a song called California Lady that totally got stuck in my head.  I loved Track of the Moon Beast.

Enjoy!

Cleaning Out The DVR: One Small Indiscretion (dir by Lauro Chartrand)


(Lisa is not just watching horror movies!  She is also trying to clean out her DVR!  She has got over 200 movies that she needs to watch before January 1st!  Will she make it?  Keep checking here to find out!  She recorded One Small Indiscretion off of Lifetime Movie Network on September 2nd!)

I learned a few things from watching One Small Indiscretion.

First off, and most importantly, I learned that there is no such thing as a “small” indiscretion.  In this film, Caroline (Ashley Winters) has a brief affair while separated from her husband, Sam (Cru Ennis).  When Caroline and Sam get back together, she tries to forget that the whole thing even happened.  Six years later, Caroline tells her best friend that she isn’t even sure what eventually became of her former lover.  However, we know that he ended up killing both himself and his alcoholic wife.  For Caroline, it was a small indiscretion but, for a little girl named Elle, it was a tragedy that took away her parents.

Secondly, if you work hard and marry well, you can eventually live in a really big house that has a pool, a jacuzzi, and a guest house.  However, if you work too hard, all of the romance will go out of your marriage and soon, you won’t even be using the pool after a couple of years.

Third, if you own a guest house, you are required by the laws of plot contrivance to rent it out.

Fourth, if you do rent out your guest house, there’s a good chance that it will lead to someone from the past tracking you down.  In this case, it’s Elle (Tiera Skovbye).  Elle is now 21 years old and eager to avenge the death of her parents but destroying Caroline’s life.  Though she may be young, Elle is already an evil genius.

Actually, I guess it’s debatable as to whether or not Elle is that smart.  It’s entirely possible that Elle only seems smart because everyone else in the movie is incredibly stupid.  From the minute Elle moves into that guest house, she’s manipulating and seducing.  She’s taking naked midnight swims.  She’s encouraging Caroline and Sam’s son, Logan (Johnny Visotcky), to skip college.  She doesn’t make much of an effort to hide what she’s trying to do and yet, Caroline soon decides that Elle is going to be her new BFF.  It’s actually kind of hard not to be on Elle’s side.  Elle’s methods may be extreme and she does get more and more psycho as the movie unfolds but Caroline and Sam are so bourgeois that it’s difficult to have much sympathy for them.  Add to that, Elle’s an artist.  She draws.  If you side with the non-artists over the the artist, that means you’re doing life wrong.

But back to what I learned from One Small Indiscretion:

Fifth, it’s not that difficult to bug a house.

Sixth, search engines are like magic.

Seventh, it’s easy to knock people out.

Eighth, Canada is a beautiful country.

Anyway, One Small Indiscretion is a thoroughly predictable Lifetime film.  The best role in these films is always the psycho and Tiera Skovbye plays Elle as if even she can’t believe how stupid everyone else in the film is.  Elle is having so much fun being evil that you can’t help but be happy that she received the opportunity.  She may be the villain but you’ll totally be Team Elle when you watch One Small Indiscretion.